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Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS
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Subject: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 26 Aug 01 - 11:34 AM The door clanged as Docking Bay #720 finally repressurised. It had been a long drag from the Alphane Moons, but the journey had been worthwhile - seventy two crates of straight banana fudge sauce delivered at a premium price. Nobody grew a straight banana like the Betelgeuse colony, but it wasn't until you mixed it with Alphane Whiskeeey that it really hit the spot! Link had been on autopilot for the past three weeks, and was ready for some serious R&D (Rest and Drinking). He was long overdue for an appointment with a Barman! Once the green light showed at the exit to the Bay he was out of his drove like a scalded cat. He dogged the hatches and ferreted in the ouside locker for some duck tape, which he carefully fitted at the left top corner of the porthole, this would identify his ship if he returned to it worse for wear. After a few gallons, he had a memory like a shellfish, or at least that is what he thought his grandmother used to say to him! He turned and headed for the Turbolift.......... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 26 Aug 01 - 11:35 AM INTRO...... It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was an age of wonders, of incredible beauty and of undescribable grotesques..... It was a time of obsessions and of overwhelming laissez-faire. It was an era of erudite scholarship and some of the worst spelling in the history of the planet. Humanity had finally reached the stars, but like a spoilt child, once it had them in its grasp, did not know what to do with them! How had we got here..... It all started in the early years of the Millennium with the mysterious disappearance of three inmates and half a cell wall from the Neil Young Centre For The Terminally Screwed. The swirling purple lights and musical vibrations had shaken the very foundations of the Centre. Gold Discs had crashed to the floor of many an inmate's cell, and when they noise finally abated, what was left...... A six foot circular hole in the wall and ceiling joining Albert Toepicker's cell to that of a bohemian artist named Coyote and to the cell above. The remaining walls of Toepicker's cell were limned with strange hieroglyphs written in a neat, precise and almost obsessive orange crayon. In the margins, neatly ruled on each wall, were comments such as Einstein missed the point! and Space isn't the Final Frontier!, Heisenberg should have been more certain and I Pink, therefore I SPAM...... It took ten years of experimentation in dark laboratories before the secret of the glyphs was finally translated into a functional space transporter, and another score before it was reliable enough to hurl a cargo ship to the far reaches of the galaxy. As the NYCFTTS now dominated Earth's economy, thanks to its licensing of the stardrive, the rogues and vagabonds left the planet in droves (a particularly fast ship often used by smugglers) and started their own New Frontier. Following in their wake were the bootleggers, the bar owners and the brewers of ridiculously strong beers with even more ridiculous names. Perhaps the most famous and notorious of these spacebars was Mudcat 5 - a five mile long cylinder spinning in a low orbit around a nearly dead planet. Mudcat 5 could not be mistaken for any other space station - the designer had once commented that his inspiration had been a can he found on a supermart display. In response, some joker had painted the words BUD LITE in giant letters the length of the station. Nobody knew what had happened to the first four Mudcat stations, but the legend of the Lost Mudcats was told to each new visitor, and embellished as it was repeated. Those stories can however be related on another occasion! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 26 Aug 01 - 11:36 AM The BAR was crowded. Music drifted from the Holo Juke Box - he didn't know the tune, but it reminded him of the old Catspaw version of Blowing in the Wind, not that you heard much psycho garage these days, at least not this far from Jupiter. Link drifted past low tables occupied by even lower characters until he was in hailing distance of the bar. When he could attract the attention of the barkeep he would ask for a pint of Dreadnought - that would fit his mood! He drifted into a slight reverie as the queue in front of him seemed never to diminish. What were they all here for (apart from the obvious)? Who might they all be? What adventures had befallen them in these wild frontier times? Would the Dreadnought be as good as the last time he had had one? What was that itch below his left shoulder, just too far to scratch?
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Aug 01 - 01:22 PM The flea perched below Link's left shoulder paused in his repast. "Yech!" What the hell had this space cowboy been injesting into his system anyway? Time to hop off to "greener" pastures. "Let's see...is there a Calprisian Squid-man anywhere in this wretched place? Hmmmm..." - LH |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 26 Aug 01 - 03:22 PM As he approached the bar, Link could hear snatches of conversation from around the room..... Did you ever ship on the Buckminster Fuller - Man, that ship had BALLS! ....yeh, there's not much work on the station these days - I'm just doing deliveries for Pizza the Hutt! Opera - love it - Take me to your Lieder..... Ye canna change the laws of physics, Captain! What can I get you, Sir! Link suddenly realised that he had finally reached the bar and the dapper barman was waiting to serve him! Dreadnought, if it' still on - A small pint in a large glass, stirred but not shaken! He took his drink and made for the nearest vacant stool. As he looked about the room a seven foot squid in a dinner jacket and tie suddenly started to writhe about the floor, flailing its 'pods. Th bouncers quickly flushed it out of the door with a high pressure hose.
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Aug 01 - 07:57 PM "A bar that willna let squids in is a bar that I like," declared Scotty. "However," stated the tall Vulcan beside him, "it is a clear contravention of Federation Law to refuse service to any friendly species, as such refusal amounts to race discrimination. Section 96, article 51A." "Well....perhaps we should...remind them...of just how the law applies," said the dashingly handsome mystery Captain. "Gentlemen?" Scott sighed wearily, and nodded his assent. The uniformed trio rose from their seats and headed toward the bouncers. - LH |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 26 Aug 01 - 10:20 PM The bouncers were Kangariods from the planet Downundria. They bounced up to 500 centimeters from the deck as they led the squid to the door. The smallest of them, a ginger haired joey with the mannerisms of a Patrick Swazie in Road House, crossed the room in three hops and confronted the Starfleet officers. "G'day mates. What seems to be the problem?" "it is a clear contravention of Federation Law to refuse service to any friendly species, as such refusal amounts to race discrimination. Section 96, article 51A." "What are you? Flippin' WestLaw?? I don't know about all that. But I have the right to protect the boss's property by ejecting blokes for creating a disturbance. Take a look at those stains on the ceiling! If a squid can't hold his ink, he shouldn't be in a bar!" "Now you blokes just ease on back up to the bar and have a Fosters on me. Cause if ya don't, I won't be the only one bouncing!!!
approached the largest of them bounded up to the |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 26 Aug 01 - 10:53 PM Sorry last line is a typo |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 27 Aug 01 - 06:29 AM The bouncer looked around Sorry, we don't allow Typos in this bar without a shirt and collar! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 27 Aug 01 - 09:03 AM Typos are a particularly nasty breed, who for some reason tend to behave themselves when attired in 20th century business suits. Normally sniveling drunken louts, a three piece pin stripped suit will make the worst of them calm, civilized and even diplomatic. Hence the old Downunederian saying. The clothes make the typo like a businessman. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Aug 01 - 10:58 AM Well, there are far too many of them on this forum, that's for sure! - LH |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 27 Aug 01 - 11:21 AM Link sat at the bar and listened to the minor birds. Amazing creatures, always singing in groups, always in harmony, the minor key was making him sad. He was thinkin and a drinkin, just finishing his third Red Bull and Vodka, when she sidled up to the bar. "Link, you old space cadet! How have you been honey?" "Harmony Starclapper, the Black Hole of Epsilon Erindi, I never thought I'd see you again. have you broken any hearts lately?" "Come on, Link, you know that was an accident. Besides, I knew you had a spare."
Yeah, he knew she had done him wrong, those Jarvek 3000 cardiomotors were hard to come by. But look at her. Hair as black as space its self, eyes as deep as hyperwarp and legs as long a night on Venus. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Amos Date: 27 Aug 01 - 11:44 AM Goeeencha!! Goeeencha!!! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Aug 01 - 11:56 AM Gl'hakita na wham'n'eh! - LH |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 27 Aug 01 - 12:10 PM Mudcat 6 calling Mudcat 5:Can you hear me? I am lost can somebody direct me to Jupiter? I am supposed to be there at 7.30 Mudcat time.Cheers Mudcat 6. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Lonesome EJ Date: 27 Aug 01 - 01:28 PM The door hissed open and a trio of Starhogs from the Harleyan Anomalie entered, knocking asteroid dust out of their protective coveralls. Long flexible tubing dangled from the helmets they wore, trailing on the barrooom floor as they sauntered to a booth. From the ends of the tubes a purplish smoke rose into the air. The bouncers strode up to their table, the largest clearing his thraot and saying "now see here mate. Knot off the ends of those tubes or I'll have to ask you to leave. You know what that stuff does to the atmosphere in this place!" And it was true...there was a slight but perceptible increase in the kinetic energy in the tavern, voices had risen measurably, more physical contact (both of a friendly and hostile nature) was occurring. The purple stuff was emitted by the very bodies of the Starhogs themselves, a byproduct of their curious metabolism conjoined with digestion of massive amounts of the seeds of the Prelnian Moonflower. One pound of these seeds could be converted into one hour of travel at light speed, and due to this, the range of this rather unpleasant breed of space trash was nearly unlimited. Grelnog "Sonny" Bargerneg, the hulking leader of the trio, stood up, nearly planting his flat nose against the face of the Kangariod Bouncer. The bouncer, in spite of his steely resolve, felt his composure crumbling, but Sonny suddenly smiled. "Sure Hopper," he grinned. "Me and the boys are just peaceful citizens lookin' for a drink and a laugh." He raised the bundle of tubes from the floor, letting the smoke waft momentarily in the face of the Kanga bouncer, watching the bouncer's eyes redden and his jaw clench. Then Sonny twisted a knot into the tubes which emitted a series of sharp squeaks. He spoke to his pals while holding the bouncer impaled on his stare, "Dirty Ed, Babyface...do like the nice hopper says." Sonny dropped into the booth seat and yelled "can we get a star-humping waitress over here?!" |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 27 Aug 01 - 02:36 PM Mudcom calling John in Hull - try the second star to the right and then straight on 'til morning! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 27 Aug 01 - 02:42 PM It is a little known fact that there would be even more Starhogs were it not for their stubborn refusal to wear helmets while riding. "It's state law that they wear them." said the governor of Phatbouyvia. "You don't live long in spave without headgear." Meanwhile, in the back the remaining doormen bounce out of the storeroom with a very large hoover and proceed to filter the air and clean the ink from the ceiling. On the HoloVid (Registered trademark of RCA),the wife of the president of the FONSI*, Fancy Raygun is doing a promotional spot against Direct Induction Current Electro Stimulation. DICES is the worst addiction since cocaine; Cheap as a "D" Cell battery and more compelling than Pokemon cards...Very nasty. The slogon for the campaign, "Just say goooeeeennnncha, goooeeeennnncha."** Two excessively large beings enter the room. Riding on vintage Norton Inter Solar Cycles they look very smart in their FONSI Bureau Of Investigation leather spacesuits. "Harmony StarClapper, FBOI you're wanted for questioning. Please come peacefully. Don't make us use the tranquillator?"
*Federation Of Non Slimy Intelligences (slime is the final prejudice in this enlightened age. We keep trying to form alliances but no none wants to shake hands.) **-Thanks Amos. I think it works better with two!- |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 27 Aug 01 - 04:53 PM Never one to take kindly to authority, especially big ugly members of the club, Link moved fast. That was one of the reasons he had gained the nickname "Missing". He was not sure what a tranquillator did, but he was sure certain that as long as tautology was using two words that meant the same thing he wouldn't like it. As the two bulks escorted Harmony to the exit, he slid silently past them to wait in the corridor outside. As they emerged, he blasted each of them in the face with a slug of banana fudge sauce, grabbed Harmony by the first appendage he could reach and the two slid down the nearest corridor. The two FBOI operatives stood in shock. Nobody had ever questioned their authority and right to be downright nasty. They did not know how to handle the humiliation of a face full of fudge, and swiftly beat a retreat to their Nortons. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 27 Aug 01 - 05:06 PM As they reached the relative safety of the hatch leading to the Nuclear Pile Garbage Incinerator, Link turned to Harmony. "Sorry to interrupt your departure, but what in black holes was that all about?" said Link. "You've scarce said Hello and off you go with two gorillas!" "Well....." drawled Harmony, in the way only she could, "You know......, Just things, and the like..." It was one of thos infuriating mannerisms which nevertheless kept drawing Link back to her. No matter how many times she led him astray, he would be back like a retriever whenever she shook that diamond studded leash and said "Walkies". "Link Dahlinnggg..." Let's find somewhere cooler and I'll tell you all about it". |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 27 Aug 01 - 11:13 PM Back on The Mary Ellen Carbon, Link took a swig of NoCohol to sober up.
"What's this all about sweetcakes?" He asked no one in particular. After they were done, they set off for the lab of Bill Gates 2000, the latest and most nefarious in a long line of nefarious clones. (1999 of them actually. They started at 2 because Bill Gates the third was the original. They could have started at 4. But while the first two would have been Bill Gateses, they wouldn't have actually been genetically identical, being the father and grandfather of the cloned Bill. Such are the paradoxes of Science Fiction.) |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 28 Aug 01 - 05:55 PM Sat at a table in the smokiest corner of the Mudcat Bar, Dan Solo was playing dominoes with a Venusian Swamp Man and a couple of Indeterminates from the planet Zorg. Whilst collecting in the pot after a very successful appendage (possibly a hand?), he had noticed the arrival of the FBOI gorillas. He couldn't quite make out the exchange as a crowd of dolphins kept putting "So long, and thanks for all the fish" by Chuckling Cat on the Jukebox. He did however realise that they were not on the station for the beer. He whistled silently with admiration as Link spirited himself out of the bar, a very neat manouvre. A howling broke out in another corner - members of the Fido clan from Beta Canii tend to get over excited at the sound of a silent whistle. Dan thought to himself "- this looks like it might be fun, or at least prove profitable - I'll keep an eye on those two if they get clear of the jerks!" Dan returned his attention to the domino table and got ready to slip another double eleven out of his sleeve, Indeterminates always fell for the double whammy, and the Swamp Man just didn't care. He was nursing a broken heart since the Schwartz woman had sung Wild Thing in the Venusburg Country Festival last year. Besides that, after three quarts of Swamp Monster, he was feeling decidedly wooky and wasn't concentrating. Another individual who watched the exchanges with interest was Thomas Inman. He was compiling observations of sentient behaviour to allow him to mimic it to perfection. His mysterious creator had set him the task after he emerged from the axolotl tank. Although Thomas looked like a short bespectacled computer nerd, he was in fact a rather complex articulated artificial intelligenge computer. People glancing at him tended to automatically overlook him. He had a carefully crafted look of insignificance, not even worth frisking by the pickpockets who loitered most spaceports. If you looked carefully at his spacesuit, which nobody, of course, ever did, you would find that it was bolted to his torso. The nameplate on his breast pocket read T.INMAN - his creator's joke - a fairly pathetic joke, but being a mysterious obsessive genius and having a good sense of humour do not always go together. Mind you, Tinman was luckier than his predecessor, Mk1.5 known as Pino.Cchio! His observations of the room that evening included a shipload of hairy diminutive semi-humanoids who sang a lot about gold and quaffed mugs of Treacleminer Bitter, and a handful of super evolved Civets sipping the Summer Lightning and yowling along with the Hairy Melon Carter by Tone Deaf Jefferson Airship. For a while he thought that the card school of dolphins might provide some spiritual enlightenment, but they just got town-halled on Hammerhead and balanced barstools on their noses to prove that they were more evolved than seals. There was a blue faced alien asleep near the rear door, but Thomas hadn't seen enough movement to extrapolate origins or intelligence. Perhaps later....... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: GUEST,Marvin Date: 01 Sep 01 - 09:25 AM Have you finished with that glass, sir? Thank you, I'll take it and wash it! Collect the glasses, Marvin. Wash the glasses Marvin. Brain the size of a planet and all they want me to do is wash glasses! Last week I calculated that the nuclear pile could go crytical amd make the whole station disappear. Did they want to know? I sometimes wonder if there is any point in talking to them at all! Get some more glasses Marvin, they said! Here's another delivery of beer. I expect they'll want me to lift it. Brain the size of a planet and all they want..........
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Sep 01 - 05:55 PM In a dark corner of the bar sits a nerd with a chip on his shoulder. Bill Gates 2000 pats his shoulder pocket reassuringly as the FBOI goons rush off in pursuit of his nemesis. "My plan is working unfolding like permaplastic origami ." He said in his best evil scientist expository voice. "I have the plans on this Mico-minichip and Harmony will sing a pretty tune when those Federation Feds get a hold of her." "Now, if the buyer would just show up with my money......" |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Mrs.Duck Date: 01 Sep 01 - 07:47 PM Abort Retry Fail |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: GUEST,Marketing Division of The Sirius Cybernetics Date: 01 Sep 01 - 08:35 PM Go Stick Your Head In a Pig! (meant in the NICEST possible way, of course!) *S* |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 02 Sep 01 - 09:53 AM Dan Solo cringed in his seat - If the Syrius Cybernetics Corporation were singing their company jingle it was time to move along. They were always out of tune. As he headed past the bouncers towards the door, he violently collided with a man of medium build. The strange thing was that Solo had not even noticed him stood in the way. As he was picking himself up off the floor, the man bent down to assist, and his suit nametag, Tinman flashed through Dan's forebrain. For a man who was in no way bulky, he seemed deceptively strong and solid. In fact, he almost lifted Solo off his feet in his attempt to be helpful. This man was somehow not what he seemed to be, thought Solo! Inman spoke - "I see that you are leaving, sir. Perhaps I could accompany you!" Normally, if a strange man in a bar had made such a suggestion, Solo would have told him to blow up a possum, but he was intrigued that somebody so solid could seem so insubstantial. "Sure," he said, "tag along"
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 03 Sep 01 - 02:44 AM Of course everyone was kind enough to point out that if Marvin's brain was the size of a planet, it must be a very small planet, excet, of course for the microlilliputions, whose planet is smaller than Marvin's brain. T. Inman approached B'ill Gates 2000, in the hopes of buying the microchip he was carrying. For he knew that within it was the the potential to subjigate all of humankind to robotness. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 06 Sep 01 - 02:52 PM Thanks for the directions Mudcom, I found it in the end, Does anyone know where the nearest chippy is? Cheers.Mudcat 6. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 06 Sep 01 - 08:09 PM This station has entered a tachyon beam warp and will be entering hibernation until the universe evolves a new race of story writers! Hope you evolve soon! Geoff! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 06 Sep 01 - 08:18 PM Whoosh whoosh oh no it looks like one of the engines has gone, we are going to crash..... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Mad Maudlin Date: 07 Sep 01 - 09:42 AM Dang! Please re-install universe and reboot. (How I hate it when that happens...) |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 04 Jul 02 - 01:55 AM Phew that was close.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: MMario Date: 13 Mar 03 - 10:55 AM nostalgia |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Amos Date: 13 Mar 03 - 11:24 AM In the spare, far reaches of the highest orbit around the planet, barely visible from the muddy ground outside Torquefahrts Galactic Grill and Gas, the third moon began her weekly climb intot he night skies. A faint glimmering disc to the space cadets and ground pukes who bumbled around the nightwalks of the planet like bees in a privy, she hove into the path of light cast by her Sirian-class star slowly, like a graceful, unhurried prima donna. Her name, to those far below embroiled in Federation concerns, was Neil, a name cast on her centuries before by early GalCorps explorers in honor of an obscure third-rate home-planet vocalist. They had already used up the good names long since. But to those who knew her more closely, to those who built their lives on the surface of her, or below it, she was known in her natural language as Iselene. And deep in the rolling hills and valleys of her warm equatorial region, there was water, and caves. One of those caves had been handily converted into a rather palatial series of rooms, sealed for atmosphere-circ and wired for sound and light. Within them, comfortably ensconced on soft cushions and supping on pricey Waterbucks Rye, sat the wise man known throughout the galaxy as a wise guy. But his friends – and his mother – called him Earl. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 14 Mar 03 - 03:33 PM The vid-screen which took up most of the wall started to swirl in patterns approximating to this year's latest call warning just before the strains of "All along the Watchtower" announced that a message was arriving. Instead of a face appearing on screen there was suddenly a gigantic lobe. Earl realised that the caller was the town joker, Yodler. Not the most welcome visitor at the best of times....... "Shhhhh!!! - Walls have Ears!" was his opening comment. "Have you heard the news from sector thirteen?", he continued, the focus of the vid-lens slowly panning out to frame his whole face. It wasn't much of an improvement of the previously cauliflowered ear. A face too pale for the climate, with a nose overly bulbous and reddened, lips puffed up and showing the distinctive colour from chewing Betel nut, this years fashionable addiction. His hair, too long, and tinged green, probably the result of a power failure at the hairdresser's (drunken barber that he is). "They say that something strange has been found there.....", "Very hush,hush, but I reckon it's something you ought to check out. Sounds like there may be profits for both of us if we play it canny!" The face started to fade from the screen, but not before a parting comment rang out, "I'll get back to you when I know some more!". It went dead..... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Mar 03 - 09:07 AM We pause for a brief commercial announcement: Are you in need of a refreshing change? Has all this malarkey about the NYCFTTS worn thin and become tedious? Boring, even? It has? We thought so. Well, relief is on the way! And how do we spell relief? We spell it WSSBA! Yes, WSSBA! That's the William Shatner School of BAAAAAAD Acting, now in it's 3rd glorious year of operation, turning out Bill Shatner imitators and worshippers by the hundreds! Beam me up, Scotty! Tune in to the latest revelations about Big Bill and just kick back for awhile and enjoy!!! Yeah! We now return you to the boring NYCFTTS thread. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Amos Date: 15 Mar 03 - 10:13 AM (Little Hawk, your slanders are gratuitous, self-serving, transparent, groundless, and inappropriate, sir. If I were less of a gentleman I would write Earl into pushing a little red button from his secret headquarters deep in the valleys of mystic Iselene and laser the WSSBA into space-dust. Be grateful for my manners and self-restraint, oh space-churl!) A |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 15 Mar 03 - 11:42 AM Enough of the thread drift! Why don't you all join me down at the bar, where we can sit in comfort with a few beers, and watch the story unfold. Quack! GtD. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Amos Date: 15 Mar 03 - 02:34 PM In the valleys of mystic Iselene, secured in atmospheric-conditioned comfort, Earl's shaking hand reached out and unlocked a small black box bolted to the desk top near his control console. The lid rose slowly on small pneumohinges, and his index finger extended out and hovered over the large menacing red button inside thebox. He checked the screen coordinates where the warpflux would decompose, causing any matter within fifty yards to be sucked into the interstices of the very warp of space time. He nodded, verifying that it was in fact exactly at the center of the WSSBA, in the remnant scorch zone of what hisotically had been known as Niagara. No-one would miss it.... His shaking finger hovered over the button as he thought of what he was about to unleash.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 15 Mar 03 - 05:20 PM The astronaut sneezed, causing his lazer cutter to sever a finger his the spacesuit which then scooted around like a child's balloon due to the escaping air. As he gazed out the porthole at the unfolding scene, Earl shook his head and said. "What a Dubya!" The he mused for a while and muttered "I wonder where that expression came from?" |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Nigel Parsons Date: 15 Mar 03 - 06:03 PM And while the astronaut's finger scooted towards one end of the room, the astronaut flew at a slightly slower pace in the opposite direction. But, his body was accelerating because of the jetstream of blood gushing from his hand. The blood hung in mid-air, slowly forming floating globules which coalesced due to the force of their own gravity. This horrific sight caused our astronaut to fill the helmet of his suit with bile. This was not going to be a good day! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Jack the Sailor Date: 15 Mar 03 - 06:26 PM "Rumsfeld! That smarts!" he exclaimed. "Rumsfeld this Rumsfelding suit!!!!" |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 16 Mar 03 - 08:07 AM Down the road from Torquefahrts Galactic Grill, there is a small light glinting from behind cracked wooden shutters, fixed with rusty barred hinges to the rock face. It is the only outward sign of Iselene's best kept secret. The authorities would close it down if they dared, but as long as it stays reasonably undercover, and does not advertise, they still allow it to operate. Silently, one of the space cadets separates himself from the throng around Torquefahrts, and ambles past the shutter. Glancing around, to ensure that he is not being observed, he backtracks and taps three times on a small vid-plate.The plate lights with an ultra violet glow and a voice mutters "What 'you want!". The young space rat replies using the secret passwords known only to initiates, "I want to go to Hull". "Pass Friend" replies the vid-plate as the shutter swings inward. Space rat steps into a dark vestibule. The shutter closes behind him, revealing that it is actually attached to the chromed door of a fully working airlock. The inner iris of the lock dilates to reveal a surprisingly large room carved from the living rock. A low buzz of conversation drifts in his direction, then seems to think better of it, and angles away, back the the smoky end of the bar. For this is the secret that Iselene's authorities wish to keep. A haven for free thinkers, artists, philosophers and musicians who refuse to be sucked into the mundane existence which claims most of the planet's inhabitants. The authorities would close it in the blink of an Arcturian sloth's eye if they could, but as long as the regulars keep cavey, and as long as the airlock is lined with chromed plasteel capable of withstanding a small nuclear device, they allow the bar to continue operating. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Amos Date: 16 Mar 03 - 10:43 AM (Geoff -- Torquefahrts is on the planet -- Iselene is the moon! Or was. Hell, we'll just go with it....) |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Mar 03 - 10:51 AM Fruit! I must have fresh fruit!!! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Nigel Parsons Date: 16 Mar 03 - 11:00 AM Amos: Torquefahrts is now a series of intergalactic franchises, open in every major Human settlement. (this, of course, excludes Hull) Nigel |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Amos Date: 16 Mar 03 - 11:06 AM Well, that's a spaw of a twist on a tale if I ever heard one, Nigel. I wonder where that expression comes from, anyway? It seems to be derived, originally, from the ancient Celtic word for methane. A |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Geoff the Duck Date: 16 Mar 03 - 11:50 AM Sorry Amos - My Geography was always poor - especially in 3-D! and in this sort of epic tale a mere hop to a lunar orbit IS "Just down the road"......... Feel free to reinstate whichever reality suits best ;¬) (In Space no-one can hear you Quack!....) GtD. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat 5 - Space Rangers of the NYCFTTS From: Amos Date: 16 Mar 03 - 01:20 PM (He wondered, as he watched the curved form of the planet Plimsoll hove into view on the screen, what it would have been like to live in ancient 20th Century England -- say in a cozy stone cottage, with a buxom wench, join the Teddy Boys, eating kippers and squeak on the banks of the ancient Nile, the river of Kings....something like that, he thought. He would have to look it up....) |
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