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Song Challenge! - Part 65

Áine 04 Sep 01 - 10:43 AM
SharonA 04 Sep 01 - 12:25 PM
Jack the Sailor 04 Sep 01 - 01:33 PM
Aidan Crossey 05 Sep 01 - 04:20 AM
Áine 05 Sep 01 - 09:17 AM
MMario 05 Sep 01 - 09:56 AM
wysiwyg 05 Sep 01 - 09:58 AM
wysiwyg 05 Sep 01 - 09:59 AM
Dharmabum 05 Sep 01 - 10:58 AM
Aidan Crossey 05 Sep 01 - 11:14 AM
Dharmabum 05 Sep 01 - 11:27 AM
Trapper 06 Sep 01 - 12:10 PM
MMario 06 Sep 01 - 12:21 PM
Jack the Sailor 06 Sep 01 - 01:12 PM
Áine 06 Sep 01 - 11:12 PM
Bradypus 08 Sep 01 - 07:01 PM
McGrath of Harlow 24 Sep 01 - 10:34 AM
Jack the Sailor 24 Sep 01 - 01:26 PM
GUEST,Mugwa 26 Sep 01 - 02:02 AM
McGrath of Harlow 26 Sep 01 - 07:14 AM
GUEST,CockRocker 26 Sep 01 - 02:18 PM
McGrath of Harlow 26 Sep 01 - 06:26 PM
GUEST,Pepermint 27 Sep 01 - 04:04 PM
SharonA 27 Sep 01 - 05:42 PM
McGrath of Harlow 27 Sep 01 - 06:04 PM
SharonA 27 Sep 01 - 06:22 PM
McGrath of Harlow 27 Sep 01 - 07:22 PM
MMario 28 Sep 01 - 08:26 AM
Áine 02 Nov 01 - 01:37 PM
SharonA 02 Nov 01 - 02:08 PM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Áine
Date: 04 Sep 01 - 10:43 AM

What with the seemingly endless creativity of the Challenge! Catchup Crewe, I decided to 'be away with the good people' for awhile, and let the Crewe have their heads for a bit. I promise on the heads of my dogs that I'll start catching up myself with the posting of all the wonderful Challenge!r talent as the days go by.

So, with thoughts of a waning summer and holidays of yore foremost in our minds, I place before you all a Challenge! idea from kat for your contemplation, comment and creation . . .

'They're Giving It Up At The Hotel California' . . . British tourists held a Spanish hotel manager hostage in protest at what they claimed were appalling conditions at their hotel. Police were called eventually to rescue the man, who had been barricaded in his office for two hours.

The 19 British families involved in the protest say that they wanted an explanation for conditions at the Hotel Mallorca in the resort of El Arenal on Majorca, which they say included animal bones, clothes and condoms floating in a filthy pool; hotel food that was crawling with ants; and bedrooms that were infested with cockroaches. Breakfast consisted of stale bread.

The families' all-inclusive holiday cost almost £1,000. Louis Aristos, of the travel agents Sun Private Travel Ltd, said that the hotel and tour operators had assured the company that the conditions were not as bad as was claimed. "We have not received complaints from other people we have booked into the hotel."

A spokesman for the 210-bed hotel said that it had been ordered to carry out repairs last year to avoid the risk of being closed. He said that the hotel was old but of a good standard and did not suffer from the problems raised by the tourists. The pool was cleaned daily, he added, and ants were found in bedrooms because tourists took food into their rooms.

The man held hostage was a representative of the tour company, the spokesman said. He has since been treated for depression and is now off work.

Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: SharonA
Date: 04 Sep 01 - 12:25 PM

Hmmm... I think I'm burned out from playing "catch-up" this past month. My muse is on strike; right now we're in non-binding arbitration.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 04 Sep 01 - 01:33 PM

Heartbreak Hotel ... Elvis Presley

Since the start of our vacation,
We've noticed and awful smell
Of animal bones and condoms in the pool of the hotel

They've made it so dirty baby, they've made it so dirty,
Yeah its do dirty I could cry

And when its time for breakfast
The bread is always stale
I think that the food they're feedin us came from a Turkish Jail.

I'm gettin so hungry baby, I'm gettin so hungry,
Yeah I'm so hungry I could die

Well the manager is smilin,
Says there's nothin he can do,
He can't give us a refund,
So we tell him that he's through

He's locked with the roaches,
He's locked in with the roaches,
Which we put in his office for his lies

So if some tour guy tells you
He's got a nice tour to sell
Check into the reputation of him and his hotel

Have a look at the Michelin
Have a look at the Michelin
Have a look at the Michelin Hotel guide


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 04:20 AM

To the tune of "Hotel California"

We went all-inclusive
Cos I felt kind of flash
We wanted exclusive
Not just some place to crash
The brochure boasted
Cut-glass chandeliers
24/7 luxury
Free food and free beers

The flight in from Gatwick
Was eight hours late
I was feeling quite fractious
My wife was irate
The bus from the airport
Got lost on the way
We arrived at reception
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel Mallorca
You'll get a big surprise
(But it won't be nice)
Plenty of room at the Hotel Mallorca
Leave at any price
Please take my advice

No bell-boy or porter
To carry our bags
And we were stationed on the nineteenth floor
The walk was a drag
When we entered the bedroom
The bed was unmade
The pillows were greasy
And the sheets semen-stained

To accompany dinner
I asked for some wine
Tasted as if it was opened
In 1969
And in my paella
I swear something moved
I complained to the waiter
Who muttered something rude

Welcome to the Hotel Mallorca
You'll get a big surprise
(But it won't be nice)
Plenty of room at the Hotel Mallorca
Leave at any price
Please take my advice

Cracks in the ceiling
Pubic hair in the ice
Skidmarks in the toilets
Kitchens crawling with mice
Condoms on the balcony
Tampons in the pool
Travel agent's laughing
Thinks that we're just fools

Dead rat in the walkway
Leading up to our room
Fist-fight in the bar last night
Just added to the gloom
The desk-clerk's a junkie
His boss is a thug
The only guests who are satisfied
Are the lice, the fleas and the bugs

Welcome to the Hotel Mallorca
You'll get a big surprise
(But it won't be nice)
Plenty of room at the Hotel Mallorca
Leave at any price
Please take my advice


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Áine
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:17 AM

Well, it looks like the 'newbies' have struck fast and funny yet again. Well done, Jack and Aidan! Let's hope that the 'old regulars' will take on the 'challenge' of matching your wonderful verses . . . Here are your Silver B.L.O.B.s --

To Jack the Sailor for:

And when its time for breakfast
The bread is always stale
I think that the food they're feedin us came from a Turkish Jail.

I'm gettin so hungry baby, I'm gettin so hungry,
Yeah I'm so hungry I could die



To derrymacash for:

To accompany dinner
I asked for some wine
Tasted as if it was opened
In 1969
And in my paella
I swear something moved
I complained to the waiter
Who muttered something rude



Keep it up, Challenge!rs, Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: MMario
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:56 AM

"LET'S CALL THE VACATION OFF"
(apologies to Ira Gershwin)

On the Island Majorca at the Hotel Mallorca
The British tourists were ever so pissed
Majorca, Mallorca, Majorca, Mallorca
Let's call the vacation off!
This hotel exclusive is really repulsive
The pool is just crude - and we don't mention the food!
Let's call the vacation off!

Says Louis Aristo, the agent tourist-o
"We've had no complaint before
If you didn't take snacks to your bed back
Then you wouldn't have ants on your floor!"
The Tourists in umbrage take the manager hostage
Let's call the vacation off!
At the Hotel Mallorca, on the Island Majorca
It is only a big rip-off!

On the Island Majorca at the Hotel Mallorca
The British tourists were ever so pissed
Majorca, Mallorca, Majorca, Mallorca
Let's call the vacation off!
This hotel exclusive is really repulsive
At the Hotel Mallorca, on the Island Majorca
It is only a big rip-off!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:58 AM

That's odd. Although the number of lines per verse would be wrong, you can almost do each one to the other melody.

~S~


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:59 AM

Crossposted-- The Hotel tunes that is.

~S~


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Dharmabum
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 10:58 AM

AT THE HOTEL EL MALLORCA
(sung to Will the circle be unbroken)

I took my friends & family
On vacation holiday
But I could not
Believe my eyes
At the place we had to stay.

(CHORUS)
At the hotel El Mallorca
Where conditions make you cry
There's a better hotel waiting
At the sty lord
The pig sty.

There were roaches
On the bedsheets
There were condoms
In the pool
And for all the
Money I spent
I felt like a big fool.

(CHORUS)

And the food there
At Mallorca
Was the worst I'd
Ever ate
And the walls were
Thin as paper
I heard my neighbors fornicate.

(CHORUS)

Now the guests all
Got together
And they said
"We've had enough"
So they tracked down
The manager
To protest conditions rough.

(CHORUS)

Now they followed
Close behind him
Then he ran
And tried to flee
And they scared him
So severely
That he's still in therapy.

(CH)
At the hotel El Mallorca
Where conditions make you cry
There's a better hotel waiting
At the sty lord
The pig sty.

DB.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 11:14 AM

Dharmabum...

I put fingers in mouth and whistle loudly, stamp feet and holler!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Dharmabum
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 11:27 AM

Thank you Derry......or are you just killing roaches?

Great songs guys!

DB.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Trapper
Date: 06 Sep 01 - 12:10 PM

Hey you guys! I'm sure it's a fine hotel! In fact, to counteract all of your slander, here's a...

30 SECOND COMMERCIAL FOR A FILTHY SPANISH HOTEL
Tune: The Addams Family Theme Song
New Words by Al Boyce 9/6/2001


It's creepy and it's pukey,
Disgusting and it's spooky,
It's all together ooky,
The Mallorca Hotel
The pool's a great big toilet
If you're smart you'd boil it
In bed, cockroaches spoil it
The Mallorca Hotel

Da-da-da-dum...SNAP,SNAP (Bugs!)
Da-da-da-dum...SNAP,SNAP (Slugs!)
Da-da-da-dum, Da-da-da-dum, Da-da-da-dum SNAP,SNAP (Drugs!)

So get some rubber suits on
And knee-high welly boots on
We'll drop some big lawsuits on
The Mallorca Hotel


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: MMario
Date: 06 Sep 01 - 12:21 PM

*snarf!*


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 06 Sep 01 - 01:12 PM

Hee Hee!

Funny stuff guys!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Áine
Date: 06 Sep 01 - 11:12 PM

Ahhhh -- it's so nice to be back in the everlovin' creative arms of my darlin' Challenge!rs . . . Here's the second round of Silver B.L.O.B.s for you all who have hung in there the last few weeks . . .

To MMario for:

Says Louis Aristo, the agent tourist-o
"We've had no complaint before
If you didn't take snacks to your bed back
Then you wouldn't have ants on your floor!"
The Tourists in umbrage take the manager hostage
Let's call the vacation off!
At the Hotel Mallorca, on the Island Majorca
It is only a big rip-off!



To (my darlin') Dharmabum for:

Now they followed
Close behind him
Then he ran
And tried to flee
And they scared him
So severely
That he's still in therapy.



To Trapper (for using one of my fav oldey moldey TV theme songs!!) for:

It's creepy and it's pukey,
Disgusting and it's spooky,
It's all together ooky,
The Mallorca Hotel
The pool's a great big toilet
If you're smart you'd boil it
In bed, cockroaches spoil it
The Mallorca Hotel



Brill, just brill, you all!! ;-)

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Bradypus
Date: 08 Sep 01 - 07:01 PM

To the tune of 'The Dance of the Hours' by Amilcare Ponchielli, via Alan Sherman ...

Hotel Mallorca

Hello Muddah, hello faddah
I am at the Hotel Mallorca
In the brochure it looked smashing
But it seems that it has taken a real bashing

In the photo the pool's inviting
To go swimming would be exciting
Next time I'm swimming in the ocean
Because here I'm simply going through the motions

Spanish Omelette and Paella
Are the food for this fine fellah
But the menu is much shorter
All they feed us on is bread washed down with water

In my bedroom I was snacking
But the fire-ants were attacking
And they left as dawn approaches
They were scared off by a squad of killer roaches

So the manager we upbraided
In his office barricaded
Said he'd try to make things better
'Just relax', he said, then took a long Siesta

Now he's bussed us to Spanish beaches
Gave us cold beer, ice cream and peaches
In the sunshine nothing seems wrong
Watching senoritas sunbathe without tops on

Fumigated, the rooms are cleaner
And the salad is fresher, greener
Everything now is so much better
Muddah, faddah, kindly disregard this letter!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 24 Sep 01 - 10:34 AM

I suspect none of us have felt much like writing funny songs the last few days. And I still don't. But I've got round to wanting to read a few maybe, and there are some great ones in here, and I think we need cheering up a bit.

And how about another Challenge Áine? (Not that they need to be funny - half the time I end up writing thoroughly miserable songs for a Challenge, when everyone else is writing happy ones.)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 24 Sep 01 - 01:26 PM

I hear that the flags are to be returned to full mast today. Mourning period officially over. Time to move on. Be vigilant but get on with our lives.

I've missed the Challenges but would not be the first to bring them back. I think your timing is perfect.

Thanks MaGrath.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: GUEST,Mugwa
Date: 26 Sep 01 - 02:02 AM

Hotel Mallorca

Oh the children are begging
for they want to take a swim
but how do I tell them
of the condoms in the pool
at the Hotel Mallorca

they say they've found new toys
won't mommy come and play
but what do I tell them
when I take the bones away
at the Hotel Mallorca

they think that I am angry
since I did not let them eat
but how can I not scare them
to say there were ants on your plate
at the Hotel Mallorca

The only thing they're liking
Is this new pet they've found
and now I have tell them
The cockroaches will not stay
at the Hotel Mallorca

They bread we had for breakfast
seemed safe enough to eat
but I am stuck explaining
why joelliana broke her teeth
at the Hotel Mallorca

19 british families it seems
have held the manager hostage
and I must reasure the children
the police aren't there for them
at the Hotel Mallorca

it's no place for my children
and I wish that we could leave
for I have to answer when they wonder
if we're going home today, please
at the Hotel Mallorca

I don't know what the tourists paid
I know we've paid much more
and I don't know what to tell them
when they ask "why are we here?"
at the Hotel Mallorca

they miss teddy, they miss daddy
their clothes are wearing thin
but how do you tell your children
of the bad things daddys do to mommys
at the Hotel Mallorca

Oh what do you say to your children
when you're stuck at the Hotel Mallorca

line breaks fixed and duplicate messages deleted by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 26 Sep 01 - 07:14 AM

All you need do for a line break is put in a BR at the end of every line - but you enclose it in pointy brackets < and >. (So what you do is you type that out once and copy it and insert it where you need it. And for a paragraph break yu put it in twice.

duplicate formatted song deleted by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: GUEST,CockRocker
Date: 26 Sep 01 - 02:18 PM

hey Mugwa, McGrath of Harlow did a wonderful job on that fromating but it's the version were you missed a line. I figure people will only read the formated version and I'd hate to see your work shortchanged. I don't wander through her much but I seem to be of help everytime! =) maybe I'll stop by more often.

duplicate formatted song deleted by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 26 Sep 01 - 06:26 PM

I'd like to suggest that Áine could change the numbering system of these could be changed - maybe a date instead of a number.

As it is, now that people have started reviving the old challenges rather frequently, it gets hard to keep track of the current one - it must get paticularly confusing for newcomers.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: GUEST,Pepermint
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 04:04 PM

Hey I like the work~


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: SharonA
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 05:42 PM

They're baaa-aaaack (the Song Challenges, that is)!

McGrath: Thanks to you for refreshing this thread! Humor is indeed a welcome relief and release at this newly-troubled time. As to the "SC!" numbering system, I think the "part" numbers should be retained, in "part" because the numbers are referred to in the different Challenge! threads. Also, the "Song Challenge!s of the Past" page is set up as "parts", and it would look awkward if the nomenclature changed in midstream. Besides, I'd like to know, down the road, how many Challenge!s have been issued to date... and, of course, we'll all want to commemorate the "milestone" threads such as the 100th "part". To keep track of the current one(s), I have a couple of suggestions below.

As Rod Serling used to say, Áine: "Submitted for your approval"...

a) Include both the "part" number and the date in the thread title (similar to the way they appear on the "Song Challenge!s of the Past" page), as follows:
SONG CHALLENGE! - part 000,000 00/00/00

The disadvantage of this is that when we reach "part" 1,000,000 we will run out of character space under the present system. Hopefully, by that time, technology will have advanced sufficiently to allow for more characters in the thread titles! (assuming that we – or our descendants – will still be using something as archaic as a thread by then) ;^)

b) Include a blueclickey to link to the "Song Challenges! of the Past" page as a standard element of all Song Challenge!s when they are issued, so that new Challenge!rs can easily refer to the "master" list if they wish (this might not be a bad idea in any case!). Disadvantage: one would have to open that page to find out which thread is current... and the current thread might not yet be listed there! So it seems to me that the part-plus-date-in-the-title idea is the better of my two. What say ye?

Sharon

P.S. – Haven't thought about THIS Challenge! for a bit. Wonder if my muse is still walking the picket line?...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 06:04 PM

Of course the way you write dates in the USA isn't the same way that they do in many parts the world. Here is an article about that kind of thing. - the international standard date notation is of the form YYYY-MM-DD


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: SharonA
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 06:22 PM

True enough! (I was aware of that! Come to think of it, the posts to Mudcat threads are dated with the format DD-Month(abbreviated)-YY, which is not the USA's standard MM-DD-YY). Sounds like dating the threads might actually create even MORE confusion!

Maybe "Pepermint" is right: let the newbies have fun searching for the current Challenge! thread!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 07:22 PM

I'd have thought Sept28/01 and so forth would be clearest for everybody.

Or have some arrangement by which they came in as Current Song Challenge, and got adjusted when the next one came up to "Song Challenge No XX."


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 08:26 AM

you can always go to the song challenge page where the complete list is held.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: Áine
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 01:37 PM

I'm catching up on posting all your wonderful Challenge! Songs, so 'odd numbers' of Song Challenge!s will be popping up from time to time . . . please be patient ;-) If you've recently composed a masterpiece for one (or all, ahem, Mizz Sharon!) of the past Challenge!s, I will get to them.

Meanwhile, here are the awards for Challenge! Part 65 -- keep your eyes peeled for the Part 66 awards that will be coming up soon . . . that's if Max can get everything working again after the move . . .

Cudos and congrats to all of you! Well done!

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

30 Second Commercial for a Filthy Spanish Hotel by Trapper
Hotel Mallorca by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Heartbreak Hotel by Jack the Sailor
Hotel Mallorca by derrymacash
Let's Call the Vacation Off by Mmario

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):

At the Hotel El Mallorca by Dharmabum

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Hotel Mallorca by Mugwa


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 65
From: SharonA
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 02:08 PM

Áine says, "If you've recently composed a masterpiece for one (or all, ahem, Mizz Sharon!) of the past Challenge!s, I will get to them." No, no, that honor goes to derrymacash and Jack the Sailor. I still have a lot of catching up to do on past Song Challenges! (including this one!). Frankly, I think I must've boiled my brain during the August heat wave... but winter's coming, and with it cabin fever, so I'll soon be settling on the sofa with some hot cocoa and a list of Challenge! songs to compose.


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