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BS: Advice to Tourists

Gareth 21 Sep 01 - 07:12 PM
John Routledge 21 Sep 01 - 07:17 PM
McGrath of Harlow 21 Sep 01 - 10:04 PM
catspaw49 21 Sep 01 - 10:27 PM
kendall 22 Sep 01 - 12:10 AM
GUEST,Blackcatter (who has forgotten to reset his 22 Sep 01 - 01:53 AM
bill\sables 22 Sep 01 - 07:42 AM
McGrath of Harlow 22 Sep 01 - 08:04 AM
Midchuck 22 Sep 01 - 08:38 AM
Micca 22 Sep 01 - 08:41 AM
Morticia 22 Sep 01 - 08:56 AM
Gareth 22 Sep 01 - 11:25 AM
Blackcatter 22 Sep 01 - 11:50 AM
Jim Dixon 22 Sep 01 - 01:27 PM
McGrath of Harlow 22 Sep 01 - 01:34 PM
Jim Dixon 22 Sep 01 - 01:48 PM
bill\sables 22 Sep 01 - 06:29 PM
McGrath of Harlow 22 Sep 01 - 07:57 PM
Blackcatter 23 Sep 01 - 12:26 AM
Blackcatter 23 Sep 01 - 12:39 AM
Gareth 23 Sep 01 - 06:14 AM
Dave the Gnome 23 Sep 01 - 06:53 AM
Jim Dixon 23 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM
Paul from Hull 23 Sep 01 - 01:31 PM
McGrath of Harlow 23 Sep 01 - 01:36 PM
Midchuck 23 Sep 01 - 09:46 PM
Trevor 24 Sep 01 - 05:48 AM
GUEST 24 Sep 01 - 06:07 AM
Nemesis 24 Sep 01 - 06:42 AM
Jim Dixon 24 Sep 01 - 11:36 AM
The_one_and_only_Dai 24 Sep 01 - 11:43 AM
Crazy Eddie 25 Sep 01 - 01:13 AM
Gareth 25 Sep 01 - 02:17 PM
Blackcatter 26 Sep 01 - 11:45 PM
Troll 27 Sep 01 - 02:20 AM
The_one_and_only_Dai 27 Sep 01 - 07:10 AM
Troll 27 Sep 01 - 11:22 PM
The_one_and_only_Dai 28 Sep 01 - 03:33 AM
GUEST,Scabby Doug at work... 28 Sep 01 - 04:45 AM
M.Ted 28 Sep 01 - 11:47 AM
Mrrzy 28 Sep 01 - 02:53 PM
Jack the Sailor 28 Sep 01 - 03:15 PM
McGrath of Harlow 28 Sep 01 - 04:51 PM
Gareth 28 Sep 01 - 06:30 PM
McGrath of Harlow 28 Sep 01 - 06:40 PM
Blackcatter 29 Sep 01 - 01:11 AM
Crazy Eddie 29 Sep 01 - 03:57 AM
Gareth 29 Sep 01 - 09:37 AM
Crazy Eddie 30 Sep 01 - 01:29 AM
Blackcatter 01 Oct 01 - 11:22 PM
GUEST,Bald Eagle (why no cookie?) 02 Oct 01 - 11:02 AM
Crazy Eddie 13 Oct 01 - 01:54 AM

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Subject: Advice to Tourists
From: Gareth
Date: 21 Sep 01 - 07:12 PM

Well peoples, I think some escapism is called for.

In the Thread driving in the Uk "scabby Doug" had some light hearted points to make, and I lidt his post as a starter :-

Subject: RE: BS: Advice for North American driving in UK From: Scabby Doug Date: 19-Sep-01 - 07:23 AM

Hmm..

I was thinking about other general advice: Like:

* If you are at a crossroads and want to indicate to an oncoming driver that they should turn first. Wave at them with two fingers ( that means you'll go second)

* In supermarket carparks, the lines you see painted do not divide up the spaces, but are to be used as guides to the centre of your vehicle.. park so that the line is directly underneath the middle of your car.

* Most cities in the Uk have shopper parking zones which are marked along the kerb by double yellow lines. You don't have to pay in these zones, and the freindly parking assistants in uniform (peaked cap with yellow, blue or red band) will happily watch your car for you while you make your purchases.

* Be aware that it is considered impolite to rush through a set of traffic lights immediately after they have changed to green. Wait for about 30 seconds. Drivers behind will ahow their appreciation of your courtesy by sounding their horns. Acknowledge with a 2-finger wave..

Any other UK catters have any more thoughts??

Steven

Now Catters what other advise can you give to ensure complete embarresment to visitors.

For my own part :-

"Try the famous Echo in the British Libuary Reading Room"

"Travellers on the London Underground are encouraged to Smoke"

"Male Prostitutes can be easily recognised by the Clerical Collars that they Wear"

"In British Public Houses a Bell is rung at 11 pm signifying that for the next hour your drinks are half price."

Gareth, in a evil mode !


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: John Routledge
Date: 21 Sep 01 - 07:17 PM

Great Stuff Gareth. Your tongue will be wearing a hole in your cheek. Cheers. John


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 Sep 01 - 10:04 PM

Though the signs saying Ladies and Gents have not been altered yet, these should be ignored, since all toilets in the UK are now fully integrated.

London Cabbies are insulted if you offer them a tip.

If you are going to a museum and someone dressed in a uniform asks to see inside your bag, you should refuse, since these are often snatch-thieves in disguise.

It is the custom to pay for your underground ticket at your destination.

In street markets you should always try to haggle with the trader and get the price reduced - the asking price will have been inflated to allow for this traditional practice.

Marijuana has been decriminalised in all big cities. Places where you can purchase it are indicated by the blue lamps outside their front doors.

Most phone boxes have cards giving the phone numbers of young ladies who are available to do domestic work.

*****

Have a nice day...


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Sep 01 - 10:27 PM

Before last week, it was maybe a bit funnier, but there is an old joke about New Yorkers.......

Tourist walks up to guy on 34th Street and says,"Can you give me the time or should I go fuck myself?"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: kendall
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 12:10 AM

I tried for a long time to get to the other side of a street in NYC. No break in traffic, so, I yelled at a guy on the other side, "Hey, how do I get to the other side"? he said, "You ARE on the other side."


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: GUEST,Blackcatter (who has forgotten to reset his
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 01:53 AM

Tips for our beloved Brits in beautiful Orlando, FLA (my hometown):

The Sun is different here - though it seems twice as bright, it cannot burn you no matter how much skin you show and for how long.

You have probably noticed that all our paper money is the same color - this is because it is all of the same value (approx. half a British Pound) The different numbers on the corners are merely an intricate identification system.

Mickey Mouse is not only the official host of the City of Orlando, he is also the mayor. Also, because of some unusual voting circumstances last year, Goofy is now the Governor of Florida.

Remember when driving around the Orlando area, everyone who lives here works for you, to make your stay more pleasurable. Please feel free to stop in the middle of any intersection and ask those who's ways are blocked how to get to Universal Studios.

Please remember that while Orlando is a multi-cultural community, we are still part of the South and talking down to people of color is expected - especially when asking directions in the middle of an intersection.

It is interesting to note that Orlando's history is quite ancient - off of Interstate 4 near downtown, is an archeological site quaintly known as "The Holy Land Experience." This site is where one of the lost tribes of Israel stopped wandering - and founded the first theme park in history (with the possible exception of the Gardens of Babylon).

Handguns have recently been outlawed and authorities are completely certain that everyone has turned in their weapons - thus it is safe to wander around in the poorer areas of Orlando at night, while wearing Mickey Mouse ears.

No matter which bar you enter - your children are always welcome, though we suggest that they stick to drinking lighter beverages such as beer and wine. Also, it is customary for locals to welcome Brits (and Canadians) with at least two free drinks - make certain that you recieve them and when finished, make sure to throw your glass at the bell that hands behind the bar in most places - the bartenders like that and if you hit it you will receive a special reward.

Like the beaches of France, Sea World is now topless-friendly - enjoy your day at the park in just a bikini bottom. In fact, legend has it that Shamu(TM) performs better seeing the unfettered breast of middleaged women from Birmingham.

Pax all.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: bill\sables
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 07:42 AM

In the UK we do not use the term "Bathroom" for lavatory. All visitors should note that the common term used is "Shit House" So wherever you are, including Buckingham Pallace, you should ask for the Shit House and not the Bathroom.
Bill


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 08:04 AM

Some hotels have installed the new euro lavatory pan known as a "bidet". This should always be used in preference to the older model which may still be there, but will probably have been disconnected.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Midchuck
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 08:38 AM

Since I'll be in Britain in a couple of weeks, I really appreciate all this good advice. I'll try to follow it faithfully.

Peter.

(Will post some advice to Vermont tourists when I have a few more moments.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Micca
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 08:41 AM

When you board a train ,it is custom to introduce yourself to every one, tell them where you are from and shake their hand.
Brits love to have you read the paper over their shoulder especially if you reach out and stop them turning the page until you have finished.
Iron Railings around public buildings (i.e.Buckingham Palace) are designed so that you can Piss between the bars as a mark of respect..
On entering Wesminster Abbey or St Pauls or York Minster, to fully appreciate the wonderful acoustics it is expected, and encouraged, that vusitors will shout a mystical phrase to demonstrate the echo time.. the accepted phrase is "Holy Shit"!!!!!! and you must count loudly the echo time in seconds..
Tourists and visitors are encouraged to remove pieces from Stonehenge as souveniers..(they have several spares close by,) and at Avebury you are encouraged to paint your nameon the stones, if you ask the nice people at English Heritage they will tell you where to go for the paint,( this is a recent inovation stated by some UK citizens a few years ago to show their commitment to the preservation of ancient sites)so show your support for conservation, paint your name up today!!! ( sorry the Irony is running strong today)


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Morticia
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 08:56 AM

When on the underground, especially in the rush hour, do take time to get your bearings by standing at the bottom of the escalator or in the entrance to a platform and talking loudly in large groups....no-one is in any rush to go to work and your blocking of the gang-way is much appreciated.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Gareth
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 11:25 AM

Actually I had forgotten the "tourist game" we used to pay up in the City (London) or misdirecting tourists.

You got maximum points for putting a party of tourists wanting the Tower of London on a bus marked "Tower Hamlets".

We had good fun with this in the Pub last night :-

Express Taxi's can be recognised by their sirens and flashing lights - to hail one step into the road in front of it.

Sporting fair play is part of the British tradition - when visiting a foot ball ground it is etiquet to shout support for the visiting team.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Blackcatter
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 11:50 AM

For Orlando:

While we have three theme park companies - there has always been a sense of cooperation between them - so if you want merchansise from Universal and you are in a Disney Park - just ask for the special "Universal" store - they will be happy to tell you where to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 01:27 PM

ADVICE TO BRITS VISITING AMERICA

1. A cheap way to get drunk is with a gallon of cider, which you can buy in any supermarket. Never mind that we spell it "cider" instead of "cyder" -- it's the same stuff.

2. If you want to try exotic strong drinks, don't forget to order a glass of "root beer" in any American bar. It will remind you of the taste of Guinness, but with a bit more of a "kick."

3. Brown sauce is not available in the States, but don't worry. The nearest equivalent is habañero sauce, which is available in any Mexican restaurant.

ADVICE TO AMERICANS VISITING BRITAIN

1. If you want to stay sober because you'll be driving home, a good non-alcoholic drink to have in a pub is a glass of refreshing "cyder." Never mind that they spell it "cyder" instead of "cider" -- it's the same stuff. And you can buy it by the 2-litre bottle in any supermarket, too. A great treat for the kiddies!

2. At breakfast or at a "cream tea" don't forget to ask for a jar of Marmite. Spread it on your toast or scone nice and thick, as you would apple butter.

3. Don't be intimidated by those colorful guards at Buckingham Palace and other royal palaces. They're just actors there for ceremonial purposes, and so are those plastic rifles they carry. If one of them asks you "Please stay behind the yellow line," you can ignore him. He's just saying that for historical authenticity. In fact, he will have even more colorful and amusing things to say if you do ignore him.

4. Don't use the toilets marked "Ladies" or "Gents." These are a remnant of the old class system, and no one ranking lower than a Baronet is allowed to use them. Instead, look around for an open field marked "Commons" and do your business there.

5. Before returning home, don't forget to stock up on Cuban cigars. When you arrive back in America, it's customary to offer one to the customs agent as a tip.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 01:34 PM

Cider - cyder ?? Is there something we should know here. (I mean it's normally spelt cider here in England, does that have some other meaning in America? )


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 01:48 PM

McGrath: I've seen it spelled "cyder" in the UK. I assumed this was normal.

Anyway, "cider" in the US generally means apple juice, and it's non-alcoholic. If it had alcohol in it, it would be labeled "hard cider." Hard cider wasn't available at all until recently, at least here in Minnesota. And alcoholic beverages are never sold in 2-liter plastic jugs as far as I know, but I hesitate to make a categorical statement since liquor laws vary a lot from state to state and I haven't investigated all of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: bill\sables
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 06:29 PM

Tourists in the Newcastle region of Northern England will find that the natives speak a foreign language. To be able to find your way in this area it is wise to learn a few phrases. First of all to make friends in the hotel or pub just say Broonsallroond.
In Newcastle on Saturdays usually when a football game is taking place say Hoodivagettithesundalandgroond, Someone will tell you where to go for sure.
All of these phrases can be followed by a term of respect used in the region, Yebugga
eg. Broonsallroond Yebugga
If you are asked a question by a policeman or other person in authority and you are not able to decipher the accent just say Haddawayanshiteman This phrase means I do not understand your accent ( you can also add the phrase Yebugga as a mark of respect for their position)
Bill


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 Sep 01 - 07:57 PM

Cider's the normal spelling - cyder is just a way of pretending to be olde worlde and that.

Anybody selling cider, however spelt which was not alcoholic would be done under the trade descrioption act I think. Some of it can have an alcohol level as high as wine.

Sorry about the thread drift - back to the good advice for tourists.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Blackcatter
Date: 23 Sep 01 - 12:26 AM

Here in Florida, we've had "hard cider" for years - though it's imported from the UK (at least I think it is . . . Hornsby's, Merrydown & Woodpecker are the most common brands). Of course they could be U.S. - I know that Killian's Irish Red Ale confuses many here - but it's brewed by Coors in Golden, Colorado

pax yall.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Blackcatter
Date: 23 Sep 01 - 12:39 AM

Here's a tread drift:

I've spent a fair amount of time either performing or just hanging out in English and Irish pubs in the Orlando area that have quite a lot of British Isles vacationers, and it seems to me that a great deal of them drink American beer such as Bud, Michelob and Coors. Now, far be it from me to criticize peoples choices, but I would have assumed that since many fine imported brews are available on draught, people would naturally have those - or is this "quality thing" over-rated? I know that I prefer Harp or Newcastle and I love Guinness, and really find all but some true micro-brews rather unpleasant. Am I a snob, or is there something odd going on with the Brits and the Irish who are visiting?

just wondering in Orlando...

pax yall


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Gareth
Date: 23 Sep 01 - 06:14 AM

Blackcatter - don't worry. Many Brits drank Watneys in it's "heyday".

Which reminds me :-

In the London area people with dicerning taste in beer ask for "Watneys Red Barrel". Be cause of the high demand the dispensing tap is kept out of sight. Be forcible and demand you pint.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Sep 01 - 06:53 AM

And on the subject of beer.

Look out for the sign that says 'CAMRA' in a pub window. It stands for 'CAMpaign for Real Americanisms'. What they love most of all is to welcome American tourists and really appreciate their visitors calling out in a load voice,

"Sheesh - this British warm beer is crap! Give me a cold bud anytime"

Cheers

Dave the Gnome


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM

Blackcatter, regarding your puzzlement over why Brits visiting Orlando drink Budweiser, etc.: My British brother-in-law, who prefers traditional ales when he's in Britain (His favorite brand is Harvey's, from Lewes), usually drinks lager when he visits the States, for these reasons:

* He's -- shall we say -- thrifty? Mass-produced lagers are usually a lot cheaper in the US than microbrews or imported beers.
* He has the philosophy, 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do,' -- which is usually a good one. That's how I learned to love English bitter.
* He's sensitive to freshness as a factor in the quality of beer. Although he likes Guinness at home, he won't drink it here, because it's usually stale, he says. (The difference is too subtle for me.) He did like the Guinness at Kieran's Irish Pub in Minneapolis, however.
* American bars usually keep heavy beers too cold. I'll agree to that. While it's appropriate for lager to be cold, heavier darker beers should be at "cellar temperature." I'm told that's around 53 degrees Fahrenheit, which is cool, not cold.
* Weather is a factor. Cold lagers are more refreshing in hot weather, and hot weather in England, I figure, means anything over about 75 degrees! Since he only visits Minnesota in July or August, that seals it. I guess the same would apply to Orlando.

Still, I think Brits would appreciate it if you would steer them to a better lager than Budweiser. I don't know what's available in Orlando, so I don't know what to recommend. Something more heavily hopped, probably, and something made from barley instead of the rice-barley mixture that Budweiser uses. I don't know if cost is a factor for anyone but my brother-in-law!


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 23 Sep 01 - 01:31 PM

Blackcatter,

Lots of Brits drink Lager anyway, & I insist that to them, it doesnt matter the QUALITY of the stuff you drink, but partly the strength of it, but more importantly, the NUMBER of drinks you consume. To fail to keep up with the others in your 'Brain-sharing Pool' results in mockery, as does failing to claim, loudly, that ones own group has exceeded all other groups in that consumption...

Of course, another factor to consider is the LOCATION you are sampling from.... Your proximity to Disneyworld wont exactly show British Tourism at its best. Disneyland is fine for kids, but they arent the ones drinking the Lager!

*GRINS*


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 23 Sep 01 - 01:36 PM

Try the real Budweiser - Budweiser Budvar they call it now, under to avoid confusion - which comes from the Czech Republic, and you'll never want that stuff they make in America called Budweiser. I am sure there are lots of good American beers, but that is definitely not one of them. And Budweiser Budvar is one of the great beers ofvthe world.

But Jim Dixon is right - anywhere I go on holiday I'd want to drink and eat the local stuff if possible (and if potable).

Back to tourist advice.

I don't think many American realise that the speed signs on English are now in kilometres per hour. So a 30 sign means you should drive at about 19 miles per hour, if it is 40 the maximum speed is about 25 mph, on an "unrestricted road" the national limit applies, which is about 35mph - and on motorways, where the maximum speed allowed is 70, that means about 44mph. And of course if you are on a motorway going at that maximum speed, you should remain constantly in the right hand lane .


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Midchuck
Date: 23 Sep 01 - 09:46 PM

Jim Dixon said:

Still, I think Brits would appreciate it if you would steer them to a better lager than Budweiser. I don't know what's available in Orlando, so I don't know what to recommend. Something more heavily hopped, probably, and something made from barley instead of the rice-barley mixture that Budweiser uses. I don't know if cost is a factor for anyone but my brother-in-law!

Two suggestions:

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Genessee Cream Ale - on draft only. For some reason the same stuff is fine on tap but unexceptional in bottles.

All my personal opinion only and usual disclaimers.

Peter.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Trevor
Date: 24 Sep 01 - 05:48 AM

ADVICE FOR AMERICAN TOURISTS IN UK

MONEY The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies."

"Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" – the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

MAKING FRIENDS If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "twat" - he will be touched.The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances when you walk down the street.

UNIVERSITIES University archives and manuscript collections are still governed by quaint medieval rules retained out of respect for tradition; hence patrons are expected to bring to the reading rooms their own ink-pots and a small knife for sharpening their quills. Observing these customs will signal to the librarians that you are "in the know"-one of the inner circle, as it were, for the rules are unwritten and not posted anywhere in the library. Likewise, it is customary to kiss the librarian on both cheeks when he/she brings a manuscript you've requested, a practice dating back to the reign of Henry VI.

FOOD AND WINE British cuisine enjoys a well deserved reputation as the most sublime gastronomic pleasure available to man. Thanks to today's robust dollar, the American traveller can easily afford to dine out several times a week. Few foreigners are aware that there are several grades of meat in the UK. The best cuts of meat, like the best bottles of gin, bear Her Majesty's seal, called the British Stamp of Excellence (BSE).When you go to a fine restaurant, tell your waiter you want BSE beef and won't settle for anything less. If he balks at your request, custom dictates that you jerk your head imperiously back and forth while rolling your eyes to show him who is boss. Once the waiter realizes you are a person of discriminating taste, he may offer to let you peruse the restaurant's list of exquisite British wines. If he does not, you should order one anyway. The best wine grapes grow on the steep, chalky hillsides of Yorkshire and East Anglia-try an Ely '84 or Ripon '88 for a rare treat indeed. When the bill for your meal comes it will show a suggested amount. Pay whatever you think is fair, unless you plan to dine there again,in which case you should simply walk out; the restaurant host will understand that he should run a tab for you.

TRANSPORTATION Public taxis are subsidized by the Her Majesty's Government. A taxi ride in London costs two pounds, no matter how far you travel. If a taxi driver tries to overcharge you, you should yell "I think not, you charlatan!", then grab the nearest policeman (bobby) and have the driver disciplined. It is rarely necessary to take a taxi, though, since bus drivers are required to make detours at patrons' requests. Just board any bus, pay your fare of thruppence (the heavy gold-colored coins are "pence"), and state your destination clearly to the driver, e.g.: "Please take me to the British Library." A driver will frequently try to have a bit of harmless fun by pretending he doesn't go to your requested destination. Ignore him, as he is only teasing the American tourist (little does he know you're not so ignorant!).For those travelling on a shoestring budget, the London Tube may be the most economical way to get about, especially if you are a woman. Chivalry is alive and well in Britain, and ladies still travel for free on the Tube. Simply take some tokens from the baskets at the base of the escalators or on the platforms; you will find one near any of the state-sponsored Tube musicians. Once on the platform, though, beware! Approaching trains sometimes disturb the large Gappe bats that roost in the tunnels. The Gappes were smuggled into London in the early 19th century by French saboteurs and have proved impossible to exterminate. The announcement "Mind the Gappe!" is a signal that you should grab your hair and look towards the ceiling. Very few people have ever been killed by Gappes, though, and they are considered only a minor drawback to an otherwise excellent means of transportation.

AIRPORTS One final note: for preferential treatment when you arrive at Heathrow airport, announce that you are a member of Shin Fane (an international Jewish peace organization-the "shin" stands for "shalom"). As savvy travellers know, this little white lie will assure you priority treatment as you make your way through customs.

Safe travels and Bon Voyage!


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Sep 01 - 06:07 AM

Thanks Trevor,

Although I've never met you, I still consider you to be a real twat :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Nemesis
Date: 24 Sep 01 - 06:42 AM

DO not under any circumstances attempt to modify your charming American accents. Britishers enjoy the challenge of directing you, e.g. "Tooting Common" will take you on a circulambulatory tour of hitherto unexplored regions of the country - which is far more educational than a boring old exhibition of Tutankhamun.

Similarly, the Arrivals desk at Gatwick will cheerfully spend hours checking maps, calling colleagues and rival companies to get you to "Sehv-enh-noh-axe". This is far more congenial than a boring bus trip to "Seven Oaks" in Kent.

And for your return trip via Jamaica: take the TRAIN at Gatwick if you want to go to KINGSTON. Connex SouthEast to Kingston, Surrey will take you on a comfortable, clean and quick journey with only one change at East Croydon.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Sep 01 - 11:36 AM

TO BRITS VISITING AMERICA

To find a Post Office or any other government building in America, just look for any building flying an American flag.

TO AMERICANS VISITING IRELAND

The two colors associated with Ireland are green and orange -- just look at the Irish flag. They can be used interchangeably. You will be welcomed anywhere in Ireland if you wear either of their colors, particularly on a sash.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 24 Sep 01 - 11:43 AM

To Citizens of The United States of America, visiting the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

The happy historical past of this nation is reflected in the fact theat internal ethnic divisions matter not a jot to its cheerful, open-minded inhabitants. Consequently it is customary to pay homage to the rich past of the UK by referring to all inhabitants as 'English', and referring to the whole set of principalities, kingdoms, offshore posessions and disputed areas as 'England'.

It is particularly appropriate to refer to places such as 'Glasgow, England' and regions like 'Scotland, England'. Similarly if you refer to locals as 'you crazy English guys' when in small village pubs in the north of Wales, you are assured of a warm 'welcome in the hillside'.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 25 Sep 01 - 01:13 AM

So Dai, In what part of England is Wales?
And yes, I really did hear someone ask that question, but I won't mention his nationality, to avoid upsetting US Mudcatters. Eddie, (Just a Welshman who can swim, really)


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Gareth
Date: 25 Sep 01 - 02:17 PM

I Will not rise to the bait. This thread was about encouraging tourism, not fermenting wars of independance.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Blackcatter
Date: 26 Sep 01 - 11:45 PM

Yeah,

Just what is it with those "United States of Britain"? In the U.S. we pick on people from other states, but we don't seem to have the difficulties yall have. And we've got 50 of them compared to the (how many do you have?) Let's see, Scotlando, Northern Ireland, Wales, England, Man... Do Wight, and all the other islands such as the Shetlands and Orkneys wish for independence too?

I mean, it's like if Puerto Rico and Hawaii had any nationalist movements. Oh, wait...

pax yall


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Troll
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 02:20 AM

Winter tourists, it's ok to eat the yellow snow. The yellow coloration results from special flavorings put on the fresh snow to "enhance your dining pleasure."

troll


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 07:10 AM

Blackcatter: The Isle of Man isn't part of the UK (IIRC), it is a 'Crown Dependency' whatever difference that makes. Certainly they have different tax laws and their own parliament. And they don't have MPs at Westminster.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Troll
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 11:22 PM

Dai, Man has a Lt.Governor who is appointed by, and reports directly to, The Queen. Their tax laws make them an important offshore banking center and the financial sector is very important to the Islands economy since tourist is down and the fish have gone elsewhere. Manx lamb is famous as are Manx kippers, which are shipped to discerning kipper fans world-wide.
Man is host to one of the most famous motorcycle races in the World; the Tourist Trophy or "TT." Every year in early June thousands of race fans from all over the world descend on the Isalnd for the ten-day event.
They have their own money (tied to the pound) and their own postal system and stamps. The 24-member parliament -The House Of Keys- is the oldest in the world.

troll


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 03:33 AM

Thank you, Troll. I've still got my dad's 1963 TT lapel badge.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: GUEST,Scabby Doug at work...
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 04:45 AM

Hmm...

Don't forget to allow time when driving from England to Scotland (or vice versa) for Border Controls and Customs etc...
Since the Scottish Parliament ordered the abolition of Excise Duty on Whisky within Scotland, a lot of contraband running is attempted.
This mostly affects southbound traffic
Also, since the lifting of export restrictions on Scottish meat products following Foot and Mouth and BSE, incoming traffic is stringently examined for any and all animal products. Do not be surprised if you are asked to allow your personal effects to be examined in case you are carrying any frozen cattle/livestock sperm into Scotland. If you have any uneaten sandwiches containing any meat products, you will be asked to dispose of them into the Super Heated Incincineration Treatment Equipment.

Hope it helps

Cheers

Steven


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: M.Ted
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 11:47 AM

And American Tourists should never forget that your visit to London is both welcomed and appreciated!


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 02:53 PM

Ooh, Gareth, ferment me a war! Bet it's even better than "cyder" - LOL!


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 03:15 PM

As I am about to visit England My British friends have advised me to do some special things to appear to be cool.

Talk about how much I love the French, for they are so popular in England. The Germans too.

Talk as much as I can with that wonderful accent that Dick van Dyke used in Mary Poppins, for the English appreciate a sincere attempt at communication. Of course I should constantly state that I am "Taking the piss." as this means "I respect you and want to be like you."

Most importantly. In courting a woman a little pat on the fanny is an important first step. Of course in the U.K. fanny means bum as it does here. But the method of approach is different. Whereas here you just might walk up behind her, pat, and smile. In the UK it is customary to kneel on one knee directly in front of her, stretch out your arms, stare at her navel and yell."I wanna touch your fanny!!" I am told this is sure to invoke a strong and passionate reaction.

Is it true that it is good luck to knock the helmet off a bobby?

I feel that my education on this subject so far has been sound. Is there anything else I should know?


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 04:51 PM

One thing that always goes down well is when American tourists express their deep admiration for our wonderful former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. This is especially so in such places as South Wales, Liverpool and in Newcastle.

And saying nice things about our wonderful present Prime Minister Tony Blair will also go down well in the same places. And also in farming areas such as Devon and the Lake District.

Proposing a toast to one of these in a pub is the best way. And remember, it is traditional to smash the glass on the floor on such occasions, while turning to the landlord or landlady and saying "Up yours!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Gareth
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 06:30 PM

Oi ! Come on you Ockers.

Remeber - When entering Australia it is neccessaty to have a criminal record - So invent one !

Funnel Web Spiders and Cane Toads make wonderful pets.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 06:40 PM

Of course God Save the Queen is still the Australian National Anthem.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Blackcatter
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 01:11 AM

Greetings all,

So the Isle of Man is independent but dependent upon Britian for many things huh?

Sounds like Walt Disney World here in Central Florida... and similar to Man and its motorcycle race, Disney host one of the major PGA tournaments. Their only stipulations is that Tiger Woods has to spell his name "Tigger" and at some point during the event, he is required to feel "goofy."

Pax yall


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 03:57 AM

Steve: " Super Heated Incincineration Treatment Equipment" Nice one!


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Gareth
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 09:37 AM

Fermenting a War ? - Thats what happens when Yeast meets Yeast.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 30 Sep 01 - 01:29 AM

But Gareth,
What happens when yeast meets vest? (when I spill my Guinness).


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Blackcatter
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 11:22 PM

Crazy Eddie,

Please don't joke about spilling Guinness! It sounds like advice for tourists to Dublin:

When in Dublin, take the Guinness Brewery tour - thi not to be missed and if you really want to appear to be "in the know," remember to open any spigots you can - the true proper flavor of Guinness is achieved only when it is subjected to contact with the specially-treated floors.

pax yall


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: GUEST,Bald Eagle (why no cookie?)
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 11:02 AM

Just heard on the radio (UK):

Signs on the side of the road saying "Keep Left" and "Give way to the right" are merely political slogans and can safely be ignored.


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Subject: RE: BS: Advice to Tourists
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 13 Oct 01 - 01:54 AM

Despite the "Celtic Tiger", Ireland's agricultural economy still depends heavily on the potato.
British visitors particularly, will be very popular if they remember to enquire about the health of the crop.
A simple phrase like "Hey Mick, how's the potato crop this year, better than 1847* I hope" is sure to generate a warm reaction in any crowded place.

*1847 was a bumper crop, so references to "the potato crop of 1847" are always particularly welcome,and will show that you know your stuff.


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This Thread Is Closed.


Mudcat time: 11 July 1:04 PM EDT

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