 sj |
||
|
||
Farting in Public
|
|
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: alanww Date: 02 Oct 01 - 04:49 AM Brilliant, Metchosin! If only I had that skill ... ! Don't mind the wind ...!" |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: kendall Date: 02 Oct 01 - 08:15 AM ..the wind in the wires made a tattle tale sound, and a wave broke over the railing... |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: guinnesschik Date: 02 Oct 01 - 09:41 AM Ah, good ol' Mudcat! I've spewed coffee on my screen this morning. When my beautiful 13 year old daughter was but a wee two year old, we were standing in a Christmas crowded line with our purchase. The little one ripped a huge gusty fart, and without missing a beat looked over at me and said with pure disgust, "Mommy!" The line cleared, and the cashier couldn't understand my inability to speak and the tears in my eyes. I've never been more proud of that child! For fun stories about farting and really good nicknames for farts, go to www.fartfarm.com Letting Fluffy off the leash... |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Metchosin Date: 02 Oct 01 - 10:52 AM Thanks Alan, I think that further proves that farting and folk music are one and the same.*BG* Now with Spaw's raw talent, I'm sure it would only take a few lessons on his instrument before he could eventually blow off a few licks and end up sitting on a fortune. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: CapriUni Date: 02 Oct 01 - 12:39 PM Also, to bring this thread back to music is this 17th century catch posted by MMario last year: (now who posted here that men fart more than women? ;-))
|
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Genie Date: 06 Oct 01 - 02:41 AM Here's more, from a very old thread
|
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Oct 01 - 02:59 AM Uh-huh..............So Genie...........No credit due the original poster of that grossly obnoxious link then???(:<)) Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST Date: 06 Oct 01 - 05:06 PM I love it when women fart. Most of them try to lead us to believe that they never do - but I love when a fart slips out! Ever hang out by the bathroom door when a woman is in it? Great sounds. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Oct 01 - 05:17 PM I assume you're getting therapy or treatment then Guest? Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Son of the Mill Date: 06 Oct 01 - 06:35 PM A woman visits a doctor complaining of flatulence...... "However", she goes on to explain, " They don't smell and they are silent, for example I've done it twice since I've been here!"."I don't think this is too much of a problem," replies the doctor, "I'll prescribe some pills for the flatulence, in the meantime I'll make an appointment with the audiologist, and these nose drops should give you back your sense of smell". |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: AliUK Date: 06 Oct 01 - 07:58 PM hahahahahahahahahahhahaha. Reminds me of the time my wife was in a department store, the shop assistant bent down behind her just as she dropped an SBD. I've never seen anybody get up so quickly in my life. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST,Flawn Date: 06 Oct 01 - 09:01 PM On the serious side of farting: The current "News of the Weird" (in papers, not yet on website) describes an incident in Evanston IL where two mothers and their newborns were exposed to necrotizing fascitis bacteria via farts released by the surgeon who performed Caeserian section operations on them. All are reported well now. As if the world didn't have enough to worry about! |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST,Genie Date: 06 Oct 01 - 10:04 PM Spaw, Did I goof -- on two counts? I'm afraid I looked at the linked site only briefly and did not realize it was that gross. (I checked out a couple of other links which were ovbiously gross, so I didn't pass them on.) If I was supposed to acknowledge the person who originally posted the link, sorry for the omission. Genie |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Oct 01 - 10:19 PM LOL....Aw geez Genie, I was just kidding you on the fart link thing!!! The reason I originally linked that one is that Max went to Penn State and I like to give him hell about it. There ain't no rule........well except that of you eat my hot wings you must not complain about how painful it is to fart. Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Crane Driver Date: 06 Oct 01 - 10:25 PM "Blessed be the lips that speaketh without a tongue" Let 'em rip! |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Bernard Date: 07 Oct 01 - 01:00 PM Bloke goes to the doctor's, complaining of extreme flatulence. Whilst talking to the doc, he lets go a couple of real knicker-rippers, and the doc leaves the room. He returns, carrying a large pole with a hook on the end. Nervously our bloke asks the doc what he intends to do with the pole... 'I'm going to open the windows! It bloody stinks in here!!' |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Bernard Date: 07 Oct 01 - 01:05 PM Erm... CapriUni - you asked who said the fruit was badly aimed... I believe it was me...!! You were quoting me, duh!! ;o) |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: CapriUni Date: 07 Oct 01 - 01:35 PM Bernard -- It was a rhetorical question... let me rephrase: "What makes you think the fruit is badly aimed?" :::Splat:::
|
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST Date: 07 Oct 01 - 03:18 PM test |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST,Genie Date: 07 Oct 01 - 11:01 PM Spaw, Thanks for the tip about the wings! Genie BTW, are you "scat(alogical) singers" aware of the parody on "The Parting Glass" that is posted here at Mudcat? |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Bernard Date: 08 Oct 01 - 09:44 AM CapriUni - so much for rhetoric, we are talking virtual rotten fruit here! How do I know it was badly aimed? Coz it MISSED! Or are you simply admitting I'm good at dodging??
;o) |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST Date: 08 Oct 01 - 09:46 PM testicle testicle testicle testicle testicle testicle
testicle testicle
testicle |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Bernard Date: 09 Oct 01 - 07:47 PM Seems our anonymous 'GUEST' has a rather sad obsession... Welcome to the club!! |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST,Fartlover Date: 23 Aug 02 - 03:31 PM Well Jane? hold on who did the fart was it you or the audience member? Cause I some how was under the impression that they'd done the fart. And about the DC department store fart how do you know for sure if it was a kids fart did you ever see or witness the farter at the time before during and after the fart? How many females would even fess up to such a fart? I remember one time when my late Dad was alive that we went to this Sears department store you know we were looking for some jeans. To make a long story short a couple pants try ons later these to fair pretty black ladies walked in they were both wearing dresses. Any way they were with these two kids that were very animate and lively running around and what not. Somewhere down the line one of them farted. Now I'm not saying it was necessarily the kids or the ladies nor that it wasn't neither one of them either. But the way they chose to deal with this anal emmission seems to me indicative that the lady on the right who laughed her ass off directly after the fart and the one who kept telling her not to laugh might be the guilty party. Here's why the lady who kept trying to silence her then proceeded to spray past her her direction with her perfume bottle in full tot. Women generally try that manuever to cover up their own farts... However I'm not quite sure now that I think about it as to which lady did the deed... SA -rest your cursor on this SA if you want to know who I am. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: tar_heel Date: 23 Aug 02 - 05:52 PM geeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz...are we serious here?i can remember about a year and a half ago,i left a few messages to my dearest SANDYTOES,in here and you would have thought thst i hsad committted the unpardonoble sin...now i come in here and read this SHIT...!!!DAMN!!! |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Joe_F Date: 23 Aug 02 - 08:12 PM Applause makes a good time to fart. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Genie Date: 23 Aug 02 - 08:34 PM Farting in public now, Never wanted to. What am I to do? I can't help it. I break wind easily, Gas forms inside me like mountains of methane, Farting in public now, |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: fogie Date: 24 Aug 02 - 04:59 AM My husband did me deadly spite ,for he gave a fart in the middle of the night, put my servants all to flight, it shocked the dog ,it fused the lights. The fart it brake the fart it blew the fart it rattled the rafters through As through the house the fart did sound ,sometimes before ,sometimes behind. Its amazing what use idle minds can be put to is it not. Apologies to Martin Carthy and anyone who knows the Famous Flower ballad. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Big Mick Date: 24 Aug 02 - 08:51 PM Growing up in the 50's and 60's in Michigan meant, in our house, that during the fall Sunday afternoons were spent in the living room with Da watching the Detroit Lions football game. There was Da, my brother Charley, myself, and my beagle Daisy Mae. There were very strict rules regarding this ritual. One was that one was not allowed to come into the living room and start a conversation about anything other than the game. This one applied mostly to my Mother. LOL. Another was that Da was to always have a fresh bottle of beer, one of which would invariably get thrown at the TV when the Lion quarterback, Milt Plumb comes to mind, did something stupid. Da always called him Plumb the Bum. Another part of the ritual was that at some point during the game, Da would let a monstrous, ass cheek clapping, stinky, fart. He would then shake his finger at poor Daisy Mae (who would be in her customary spot on the floor in front of the TV watching the game with us) and say "Daisy Mae, you dirty pup, you ought to be ashamed of yourself", which always brought a grin to my brother and my face. And poor aul Daisy would look at Da with her ears down. One Sunday while Daisy was laying there, her tail went straight up in the air, this whistling sound was heard, and the most God awful dry dogfood smelling fart came out of my pretty little hound. Before my brother and I even had time to laugh, Daisy turned around and looked squarely at Da, as if to say "Bernie, you dirty pup,...........". Charley and I laughed so hard that we had tears. The long suffering Miss Daisy Mae had her revenge. Mick |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST Date: 29 Aug 02 - 01:40 AM He was once doing fine catspaw49 |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Wincing Devil Date: 29 Aug 02 - 11:39 PM Q: Why do Farts Smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them to! Here are some Facts on Farts |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Eldorado Girl Date: 30 Aug 02 - 04:44 AM When the great lord passes, the wise peasant bows deeply and silently farts.--- Ethiopian proverb. I had heard something about a public health campaign in the Netherlands urging people to be less shy about farting in public, presumably because it's healthier out than in. Any Dutch Mudcatters out there? Did it work? |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Larkin Date: 30 Aug 02 - 11:18 AM My Granfather was caught on Westmiinster Bridge in London in WW2 as a V1bomb went over. Every one on the bridge went quiet as they listen incase it's engine stopped after it had gone over someone let rip a very nervous fart which was greeted by the comment from a very cultured man ' I say, I think i've just heared the first Cuckoo! ' |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Larkin Date: 30 Aug 02 - 11:22 AM I really must spell check before I send stuff off- hope you got the gyst. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: catspaw49 Date: 04 Oct 03 - 08:48 PM I pulled this one back up just to see the GoogleAd suggestions and somehow I can really see how well the thing works!!! One ad for "Gorillas" and the WWF and another for "Disaster Relief"!!! Kinda' sez it all ya' know............ Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: open mike Date: 04 Oct 03 - 11:23 PM even better yet...the ads now say fart machines and remote control fart machines. can't imagine a more complete match to the subject! |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: rangeroger Date: 05 Oct 03 - 12:23 AM I was trying to figure out what remote control fart machines and celtic music had to do with each other. To further the subject; My mother died last Nov. and I went to San Diego for the memorial services. Just before the dinner, the entire family was in my dad's small apartment at Fredericka Manor in Chula Vista. The living room was wall to wall people and I had to fart. My brother was by himself in the bedroom. I walked through the door and asked him to pull my finger. He did,and I ripped off aloud one. The entire living room full of people went silent until one of my nephews turned to his brother (both in their 30's) and said "Gee, that still works?" Needless to say,everyone was laughing their heads off. rr |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 05 Oct 03 - 12:49 AM joke about farts= posh woman in a big posh mansion farts, then says to the butler "stop that Jeeves", he replies, "certainly madam, which way did it go?" ! |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Liz the Squeak Date: 05 Oct 03 - 03:26 AM A lord in his bath is interrupted by his butler Wibble, bringing him a carafe of finest vintage Tapwater. He looks askance at Wibble and asks him what the hell he thinks he's doing, interrupting him in his lovely bubbly bath. Wibble replies: 'My lord, I distinctly heard you, through the door, you said 'what about a water bottle Wibble'. LTS |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST,cinwop Date: 11 Jan 04 - 07:30 PM One time my grandma farted in bed. It smelled so bad, and my little sister enjoyed the aroma so she promptly farted to inhale the vibrant odor. My brother pushed my grandma to the crack and then farted himself. Must have been the sourcrout! Another time my mom had a bad case of gas and farted so bad our entire house had to evacuate. Only my sister who enjoyed the aroma went back in for a good whiff. She loves the smelly ones...especilly those pre-pooping explosions. I love this site! Please let me know if you like the smell too so my sister can talk to you. Her name is fartalicious. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: GUEST,embarrased Date: 11 Jan 04 - 07:36 PM my dad constantly asks me to pull his finger, is this normal? |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Peace Date: 11 Jan 04 - 07:50 PM Try this: "Sing on oh sweet lips that never told a lie." That's from one of James Herriott's well-loved books. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Charley Noble Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:23 PM I've tried to resist this thread in good taste but here's a shanty verse: If we're becalmed that will be a great sin, Away, Rio! But we can fill all our sails by just breakin' wind, We're bound for the Rio Grande... I'm not sure that there has been an adequate description of the classic underground recording of "The Great Farting Contest." Spaw apparently has a tape and should share its contents; the nomenclature and scoring of the farts is a hoot. My family's vinyl copy dissipated years ago. What was the origin of this recording? My dear departed uncle once did a recording of Twain's "1601" which is available on special order CD from Smithsonian for those who are truly interested. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Peace Date: 11 Jan 04 - 10:01 PM Y'ain't supposed to taste 'em, Charley. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Liz the Squeak Date: 12 Jan 04 - 03:45 AM I visited my Dr a few weeks ago, depression has hit again, and he wrote me a prescription for a book - I think I may print this thread out and give him a copy to give to hand out to other sufferers! LTS |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Cluin Date: 12 Jan 04 - 04:11 AM Talented doggies. |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Dave Bryant Date: 12 Jan 04 - 06:11 AM A version of this joke is posted already, but I think that this is a more complete version. A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he just can't stop farting. "It's no great problem because they're silent and odourless" he tell the doctor, "You wouldn't realise it but I've dropped at least ten farts since I've been in here". The doctor gives hin a prescription and tells him to return in a week. At the next appointment, the man says "Those tablets didn't stop me farting at all, but now they smell absolutely disgusting". "Good", said the doctor, "We've sorted out your sinusitis - now we can work on your deafness". One girl I knew some years ago, had been educated at a convent boarding school and one of the things that (she claimed) they used to do in the dormitory at night was to fart into the top of an empty drinks can and then put a match to it to see how far it would skate down the polished wooden floor. They also used to steal altar candles from the nun's chapel and sculpt them with penknives and hot water into amazingly real-looking likenesses of male genitalia - she showed me the one that she had made. They must have all been quite disappointed when they saw the size of a real one ! |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Cluin Date: 12 Jan 04 - 10:33 AM Sure, Dave... how did they get them so lifelike if they hadn't seen one? Huh? Answer me that one? Huh? Huh? ;) |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Dave Bryant Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:11 AM I asked her at the time - she claimed that it was from some photos that one of the other girls had ! |
|
Subject: RE: Farting in Public From: Schantieman Date: 12 Jan 04 - 12:45 PM ...and what did they do with them once they'd made them??? To return to the thread.... Kids are like farts - you can put up with your own but other people's are awful! S |
| Share Thread: |
