Eye Contact

Subject: Eye Contact
From: Mudlark
Date: 30 Sep 01 - 11:47 PM

I have gained at least some confidence in singing and playing in public, but I still cannot look a small audience in the eye. I can sort of blindly gaze into a roomful of people, but singing for just a few, I'm swamped with eye-shyness. I'd like to be able to actually sing TO somebody.....any suggestions on how to bring myself to actually make eye contact with someone only a few feet away?

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: JB Michaels
Date: 30 Sep 01 - 11:59 PM

The key question for you is what do you do when you're acting "shy"? Do you look away, look "inside"? In other words, is it obvious to an audience? If it IS, you should spend time in front of a mirror to learn how not to make it obvious.

Personally, I always look at individuals, regardless of the size of the house. If I'm playing for arena audiences, I'll pick out 5 to 10 people in different parts of the house to play to. My performances tend to be personal for everyone in the audience.

What I think you should do is understand that the really small audiences are usually the most vital to your ability to fine tune your craft at the stage you're in. When there are only a few people, remember they are hanging on your every note/lyric. For that reason, you have the complete freedom to do what you want. Experiment with a new versing of a phrase in a song. Throw out your arrangement (if you're a solo act) and try something totally different. If you try something a screw up, tell them about it. Depending on who you really are as an entertainer, it might open up a whole new persona for you to explore. You know, the VULNERABLE one...

Small houses make for big advances in your style and self-confidence. Embrace them whole-heartedly!

Best,

::JB Michaels

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: DonMeixner
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 12:00 AM

When I play out by myself I always start the night with the same song. Tom Paxton's Natural Girl For Me. I know it cold and its funny enough to bet a laugh from someone fairly quick. I locate that person and I sing to them. I use that person who laughed as my anchor.

Also sing in the daylight. You have no protective darkness and you have to be in touch with the audience.

Don

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Les B
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 12:05 AM

Mudlark - don't feel bad. I've been singing for 20 years and making eye contact with a small crowd is still damned difficult! I don't think you ever get over it, just work around it.

I found this out again earlier this summer when we played a gig at an extremely small local coffee house with about eight people in the room. My band mates, who also sing, admitted they had the same problem. We discovered that we also used somewhat the same technique to overcome it - look slightly over their heads, or right at their forehead, not their eyes.

And the audience, of course, is already sitting there in nothing but their underwear!(if you're using "Speech 101" anti-stage fright techniques)

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Bert
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 01:56 AM

Smile and flirt.

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: CarolC
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:05 AM

Am I the only one who feels this way... I get embarrassed when performers look me in the eye during a performance. For some reason it feels like an intrusion on my experience of the music. Is it just that I'm particularly weird or something? (I know that's certainly a possibility.)

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: GUEST,Boab
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:08 AM

If you normally wear glasses, get an out of focus pair! [It works, if you can't get around it any other way.] The best way to gain confidence, I find, is to find the group or person who is responding to you, and play mostly to them. I used to be painfully shy as a teenager, but I.m one of the cheekiest deevils ever to confront an audience after some [scores of] years...../ Boab

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Don Firth
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:21 AM

I would suggest that when you do make eye contact, don't maintain it for more than a few seconds. Prolonged eye contact can make some audience members feel very uncomfortable. It's a pretty intimate thing for both parties and can give both of you the whammies. "Hit and run" seems to work the best for me. Make brief eye contact, glance away or down at your guitar (or whatever) for a second, then make brief eye contact with someone else. Try to return to each person from time to time, and they'll wind up feeling as if you're performing for them personally, without giving them the squirms. Doing it this way would probably not make you feel uncomfortable either.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: SeanM
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 03:17 AM

I've sung on stage as well as done "meet'n'greet" improvisational performance - I'll start by heartily seconding the "don't maintain eye contact too long" sentiment - unless you're using Bert's flirting advice. In that case, prolonged eye contact is usually a sign of good things (if they're available and interested) or painful things (if they're interested and attached)...

But in all seriousness - it's something you just have to work on until you get over it. I've performed at levels between playing to one child in the middle of a street, all the way up to singing in front of a 'benefit' crowd of probably a couple hundred. In retrospect, they're both the same in a lot of ways. Don't try to give TOO much attention to any one person (or section) of an audience. If at times that means you play with your eyes shut for a second before nerving yourself to continue, so be it. Just don't force anything that you're uncomfortable with.

And if the audience is ugly, do not - I repeat, do not imagine them naked.

M

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Sarah the flute
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 03:29 AM

I agree with Carol C ... the worst bit is that awful moment when you suddenly realise people are looking at YOU and actually listening to what you are playing! - puts you right off and you struggle hard not to go all wobbly!

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: CarolC
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 03:38 AM

That's interesting, Sarah the Flute. I was actually talking about my experiences as a member of an audience while watching a performance, but I guess it's true of the times when I've been performing as well.

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: kendall
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 04:28 AM

When I first started performing in public, I got so nervous my shoes wouldn't stay tied. I thought "Geez do I know what I'm doing? Is there someone out there who knows I'm full of s..t"? But, time passed, and, I learned that there was no one there who wished me harm, so, I was able to get the mind set that they were all friends. From then on, it has been like I'm always in someone's living room, and surrounded by friends. I almost never get nervous anymore.

Years of positive re-enforcement from people I admire greatly have helped more than anything, folks such as the Patons, Gordon Bok, Eric Bogle, Utah Phillips, Top Paxton,the list is very long.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, keep doing it, and in time you will be able to internalise the message that you are good enough to be doing what you are doing. Believe me, if you are not, you will get the message early on!

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Mudlark
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 04:32 AM

Thanks for all the good input....JB, I tend to look off into the middle distance...looking right at someone is so intimate...I think your idea of working in front of a mirror is a good one. Boab, I will definitely try the out of focus glasses.. and will also try the hit and run method, Don...just don't want to end up shifty-eyed like a certain polititian... In a couple of weeks I'll be doing work for Hospice, singing in rest homes, etc.....I think naked is definitely out for this venue, but flirting might be fun.

Carol....I am sometimes as uncomfortable BEING a small audience as playing to one....I want to be able to watch without been "seen" I guess, so there is no self-conscious need for response. It's even a problem as to where to sit...right up front where I can see their guitar technique....or safely back a few rows...

LOL.... I guess I am just plain self-conscious, no matter what side of the stage I'm on!

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 06:54 PM

Americans seem to see it as odd or even pretentious when singers shut their eyes when singing. This side of the Atlantic, in folk circles, it's almost the norm.

I hate it if a singer seems to be working at eye contact.

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: GUEST,Frank
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 07:36 PM

I think it helps to do both depending on the song and the conditions. If the audience doesn't know you, it might help to start with intermittent eye contact.

Sometimes, an introverted approach with closed eyes or focus away from the audience visually can be effective.

Sometimes, going out into the audience and singing directly to people looking them in the eye can be effective.

One famous jazz musician used to turn his back on the audience. Didn't seem to hurt him a bit.

When leading a song, eye contact is essential. in my opinion.

Frank

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 07:57 PM

Kevin, I have never seen any professional on either side of the pond sing with his or her eyes closed. Perhaps very occasionally, during a really intense song, but certainly not "almost the norm".

Murray

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Mudlark
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 09:13 PM

Well, I for one am glad to hear that singing with eyes shut is ok....when I am emotionally involved in a song I often sing with my eyes closed even when I'm all alone practicing. It seems to me that even in the US this used to be very common. in the 50's...not for any visual effect but just "doing what comes naturally." Don't know when it changed exactly, as I dropped so far out of the mainsteam in the early 70's...maybe Joe Cocker pushed everyone over the edge....

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: sophocleese
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 09:57 PM

Eric Bogle sings with his eyes shut. Quite a relief to me when I saw him and suddenly felt far less worried about my habit of keeping my eyes half closed. I'm beginning to open them more now but I needed to spend time getting comfortable first.

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 12:53 AM

As long as your music is good, I can't see that it makes any difference whether you make eye contact or not. I never thought much about it, but I think it's OK, if you're a singer, to stare off into space a little above the heads of the audience (the better to let the audience see your face); or, if you don't sing, to look at your instrument or at the floor. Do whatever feels comfortable.

Concentrate on the music, and don't think about your eyes. (Easier said than done, perhaps.)

For general stage fright, just keep performing as much as you can, as often as you can. Try to find a regular gig at, say, a coffeehouse, even if it doesn't pay any money. With enough repeated exposure in the same environment, you will eventually get used to it, and feel as comfortable as any performer has a right to feel!

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: GUEST,BOAB
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 03:44 AM

y'know, while it is not quite "the norm" in the UK to sing with eyes closed, there are many who do so. I had an old mate in our folk club who used to now and again "dry up" in the middle of a song, when his eys would suddenly open. His explanation was always "The ticker-tape broke!" Not so far-fetched. Many activities---not only singing or reciting---are helped by closing the eyes. The action of shutting off 50% of outside distractions helps concentration. Try it sometime when fumbling with a nut...[no wisecracks, please!!!]

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: dr soul
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 04:04 AM

I used to be hideous at public speaking and performing. Someone told me, "There's always someone in the crowd smiling at you. Find them, and focus on them." It worked!

Look for the grin, make eye contact, even a little bit, and it really seems to help your confidence. Use that person as your touchstone - come back to them as needed. Use them just to get reassurance, and then venture into eye contact with the others.

Remember, the audience has no external clue to your feelings. If you're shy, they don't know. Never cop to being nervous. Assume the attitude of confidence, and you will project that.

Did you know that John Hammond Jr. stammers? He never cops to it, he exudes confidence on stage, and it's never an issue when he performs.

Best of luck - dr soul

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Jeri
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 10:01 AM

I had learned about eye contact from public speaking long before I started singing, so it wasn't a big deal. When I first started speaking, I had to concentrate on making eye contact with people in various locations in the audience. After a while, it became natural. I think concentrating on doing it simply got me to a point where I wasn't afraid to do something that was natural.

I believe we're afraid of looking people in the eye because we might see disapproval. I've never seen that, even when I'm not doing such a good job. When folks see that they're noticed, they look back at you with encouragement, or they look somewhere else. Often, the support I can feel during a song is more important and rewarding than any applause afterwards.

As an audience member, I have to say I don't mind if a singer sings with their eyes closed. I usually don't even notice they aren't looking at the audience, and I figure they're just "getting into" the song. The pros I've seen do this DO look at folks (or seem to) when they talk in between the songs, though.

Folks in any audience are looking for reasons to enjoy your music. They are NOT looking for reasons to be miserable. Start off looking at just a couple of happy people before you sing, and smile at them. Invite them to join you in a conspiracy of song, and I bet they'll smile back.

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: GUEST,bbc at work
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 11:46 AM

I have not performed much, except in choir & as a teacher. My advice, as in most things, is to maintain a sense of balance & do what feels right to you. One possible pitfall of eye contact was humorously covered on the Allie McBeal Show recently. A performer sang "to" an audience member in way that was perceived as so intimate that she left her husband for the performer! Watch out for that one (unless it's what you had in mind)!

best,

bbc

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: M.Ted
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 01:03 PM

When you are on stage, you are the focus of everyone's attention, which is not, for many people, a "natural situation", and often, the best thing is to just sit down and think about what you need to do to seem confortable and natural (even if you're not) and practice it--there is nothing wrong l in rehearsing your entrances, exits, stage manner, and even your conversation, just as carefully as you practice you material--

Watch the professionals, and see how they do it, where they look, who they talk to as the enter, when they smile, how they get serious, how they relax--Talk shows are good places to see this, press conferences, award shows--any situation where you can see someone stand (or sit) in front of a group of people to make a presentation--

Talk Shows are especially good to watch, because often the participants are not really comfortable in front of an audience themselves--many film actors even, are never in front of an audience, except for their appearances on TV to promote the movie, and so are dealing with the same problems that you are--

Given all this, small audiences can be a bit more intimidating, because it becomes more personal--the trick of looking slightly above people's heads is mentioned above--at close quarters, look at the bridge of the nose--don't look at anyone for too long, but when you do, learn to smile at the same time you make eye contact(say"Hi"silently, or nod) when you move, avoid quick, abrupt, or awkward movements--slower, more exaggerated movements are easier to follow and understand, in the same way that you must speak more slowly and clearly than you would in conversation--

At any given time may have your eyes open or closed, you may be looking at the crowd, at someone particular, or just at your hands most important thing is that the audience, but the most important thing is that the audience likes you, and the surest way to get them to like you is to let them know you like them--Smile!

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 01:37 PM

Or you can learn that weird Mason trick of seeming to be looking at everybody all the time...

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: GUEST,Celtic Soul
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 01:55 PM

Carol C. Yeah, that makes you a weirdo! ;D

No, seriously, it is a very hard medium to strike (between too much eye contact and not enough). There is lingering too long on any given individual, and then there is shutting down too far so that the audience (no matter what the size) feels that there is a wall erected between themselves and the performer.

What I have tried to do:

For large audiences, I mill my eyes about the crowd and make eye contact longer with those that seem to *want* it.

For smaller audiences, I many times will speak to them directly before the performance. Ask them their names, tell them a joke, try and make a connection to alleviate some of the tension that occurs when strangers eyes meet. And that really is what makes it uncomfortable. Try making eye contact with someone you know when they are on stage. It doesn't have nearly the impact that eye contact with someone you don't know at all has.

Another tactic to try: Sing with your eyes closed. It doesn't have to appear to the audience to be an avoidance if done right. Maddy Pryor used to sing barefoot, her hands crossed in front of her, eyes closed. It can look like you're trying to connect with your muse, if you put the right amount of feeling into the song. Of course, this works only for slower pieces. I can't see anyone singing with their eyes closed to a hard hitting "Pogues" tune, for instance. ;D

All in all, what you're feeling is completely natural. I have been singing in front of audiences for more than 20 years, and I still get the jitters, and feel awkward here and there. Your level of comfort does come across to your audience, so the more you can create "safe space" for yourself, the more your audience will be able to let their hair down and enjoy as well.

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: breezy
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 07:59 PM

I shut me eyes only when the sweat is pouring into 'em and I wish at that point I'ld remembered to mop me brow before embarking on the longest song of the whole evening, and taken off me lambswool tank-top before starting. Get comfy , deep breaths , relax, say hello and smile.If there's no response get off , then get back on and try again.

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Justa Picker
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 08:06 PM

What M. Ted said, especially the part about looking just slightly over their heads.

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Mudlark
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 02:29 AM

Thanks again, everybody, for all the good input...Since I have trouble with this even playing for friends, good friends, some of it at least must be plain old self consciousness, and I hope that the more I play in front of other people the less self-conscious I will be. I don't feel I always have to make contact...what I hate is being locked OUT of this connection by my own fear of looking someone, even fleetingly, in the eye.

Celtic Soul...your suggestion about making conversation w/small audiences before playing will be very useful I think, for working in rest homes.

If I can follow even half of the good advice here I'll be home free....

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: M.Ted
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 12:37 PM

Mudlark,

I forgot to mention that most all of the tips just make you look comfortable, it takes more that a couple of tricks to make the fear inside go away--Oh, and be careful about making conversation with the folks in the nursing home audiences just before taking the stage--most of them are fine, but there is always someone who smiles sweetly and says"I peed in my bed--will you change me now?", and it is hard to follow a line like that with a ballad--

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 01:01 PM

No matter how full the room, you are only communicating with one person.

Choose one, someone whom it looks like you could admire, and sing to them. Make it someone in the back of the room and project right into their head.

If they squirm move on to another.

Singing with your eyes open will win more applause than eyes shut -- except for the really intense emotional bits.

IMNSHO.

Warmest regards,

Amos

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: john c
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 01:47 PM

Me, I´m VERY short-sighted and I always take my glasses off before a gig. And can´t be bothered with contact-lenses. As a result, I´m happy if I can see my guitar, far less the audience so Í spend the whole time pretending to see whoever it is I´m playing to and that makes it all a whole lot easier!!

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: radriano
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 02:29 PM

Singing with your eyes closed is not bad and is, in fact, somewhat traditional.

Depends on where you are singing too. If you are performing in the mainstream music world, especially in the United States, the audience expects you to entertain them, put on a happy face and smile. If you are singing at a session in Ireland you're apt to close your eyes and maybe grasp the hand of the person standing next to you (more acceptable if you know the person, of course).

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 05:55 PM

Yeah -- if it happens to be a waiter balancing a full tray of Guinessi on his other hand, he's likely to reprimand you or something! LOL!

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 07:18 PM

Well, for me this is the fundamental distinction between folksong and art ie between songs I sing with my eyes shut because the song is everything, and you just focus on the song, and the songs I sing with my eyes open as a performer because the delivery of the song depends on an interaction between singer and audience. Eye contact means you're performing for an audience, as a cabaret artiste. In the UK at least, being a folk singer does not require eye contact.

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Mudlark
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 02:59 AM

Dear Herga...If being a folk singer in the UK doesn't require eye contact, I will contemplate moving myself and my 3 corgis there soon....M.Ted...I agree about only ACTING comfortable...its the old "act-as-if" dodge, hoping with practice it will come to be authentic. I"ll try to make sure all rest homers are continent before engaging them in lengthy conversation....if not I'll just launch into a rousing rendition of Wade in the Water....

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 03:54 PM

Dear Mudlark

I might have a slightly jaundiced view, because the review of my CD in Living Tradition went on the lines of "Kitty is not a folk singer, but a singer who sings folk songs". There is a school of thought here that thinks folk song = traditional = singing without any vocal technique or dynamics. Most people who get paid for singing in folk clubs and concerts do maintain eye contact - in the north of England and north of the border especially folk singers have had to be entertainers because they get gigs in working men's clubs and other really hard venues. But we still have space in folk clubs for singers who keep their eyes closed and stick their fingers in their ears (as well as those who keep their eyes open because they're reading the words).

Kitty

Subject: RE: Eye Contact
From: radriano
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 05:41 PM

I like to sing with my eyes closed while sticking my finger in the ear of the person to my right.