Jokes in worst possible taste

Subject: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 05:05 PM

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Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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Ok, at the risk of getting shot down in flames (sic),

A hot dog seller was dug out of the rubble of the WTC after several days buried in the basement.
His first words to the rescuers were "Who ordered the two Jumbos?"

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 05:11 PM

Oh, if only that were a true story!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Nemesis
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 05:18 PM

Hmm, yes that is in the worst possible taste - you know that; we know that; you know that we know that; we know that you know that we know that you know it - what do think it can possibly achieve?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 05:27 PM

More sick contributions from other warped minds?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 05:36 PM

MaxTone,

It would have been nice to use the BS: thread prefix on this, so that the many Mudcatters who filter out the BS threads could have missed this one. I bet if you ask in the Help Forum they will retitle it for you.

~Susan

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: DougR
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 05:41 PM

There was an article in today's paper about the subject of humor at this time.

If Jay Leno feels there are certain subjects, such as the WTC tragedy, that cannot draw laughs, I doubt, MaxTone, you are going to find much success at it either.

DougR

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: mousethief
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 06:01 PM

Oh, I get it. Jumbos as in Jumbo Jets.

That's not funny, that's sick.

Alex

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: okthen
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 06:15 PM

Heard several similar, none of them funny.

Joe, could you put this thread out of our misery?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 06:22 PM

I have a problem with censoring this sort of thing. I am a member of a folklore mailing list where a number of scholars are currently harvesting these kinds of jokes from the Internet.

Difficult as this type of humor is for most of us to suffer, it does serve a purpose--it is one of the oldest, most common forms of stress release in the face of the truly awful and incomprehensible.

I'm not suggesting anyone like it, or even accept it. But I've got a real problem with any attempts to censor it.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 06:29 PM

So,
Some folks in the supposed 'land of the free' wish to censor free speech.
What about the misery that US Forcible Foreign Policy, Income Imperialism, and Currency Colonialism causes to millions of helpless minions in third world countries, not to mention the Western World. US multinationals are universally hated all round the globe, for very good reasons.
It may help the shareholders on Wall St. to buy profitable companies in foreign lands, then close them down, chuck the workers on the dole and move production elsewhere, but it don't help the locals.
Introducing Big Macs and Coca-Cola to lands that rely on subsitence farming and barter CAUSES poverty.
If you'd kept your ideals at home, and not tried to export them to other lands, you wouldn't have suffered the consequences.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 06:35 PM

Now we have a troll.

SOME PEOPLE did not ask it be censored, ONE PERSON did. Others merely expressed their regret that it's here, and as for me, I didn't ask that it be censored, I asked it be properly titled.

Doesn't look to me like this thread's purpose was comic relief, or relief of any sort.

Thanks for clearing THAT up. *G*

~Susan

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST, I, hurricane
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 06:44 PM

1) Are multinationals U.S. multinationals, or are they multinational?

2) Is human greed in organizational form an "ideal," or is it human greed?

Your points have merit, Max, but I don't think you've yet described a solution to the problems you've outlined.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 07:09 PM

I think that sort of humor depends on your own situation and view point and indeed sense of humour, sick, black or otherwise.

I saw another thread where we have a new version(s) of the Banana Boat Song and a "Shoot Bin Laden in the Liqour Store" game where he seemed to be portayed as some sort of Asian store keeper. It provided some ammusement to a few but equally could be deeply offensive to others.

Some people seem to find that the this form of humour helps them get through things and in itself, I am not often bothered by it and in fact laugh once in a while. I find it more worrying that the Banana Boat Song seems to have been commercailly recorded and the game seems to be operated by a commercial company who ?sell? other games. That is where it goes that step to far for me - making personal money out of the whole thing.

Jon

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: InOBU
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 07:17 PM

No wonder I didn't get the joke at first... not a joke by a New Yorker - we don't refer to any Hot Dog as a Jumbo, it is a Hot Dog or a Sausage. No, Max, there is not desire for censorship here, just a sigh of wonder at the bad taste of some. You see, New York is quite different from lots of the rest of the US. Where there are bias incidents in Texas towards Moslems, here in New York, the right and left are meeting in Syrian restaurants, to protect them from any fools who think Islam is the enamy. In Mohamet's Felafel shop, on St. Marks Place between 1 and A, where we can still smell the burning wreakage, right wing neighbors of mine, discuss - debate and argue over sending troops or my solution, creating ecconomic justice. But, the eejits who did this, hit one of the few places where the underlying misery which breeds their discontent, has lots and lots of folks who care about it. In fact, one reason - until a few weeks ago, most of America hated New York, was our leftest traditions. So, it is not very unlike the IRA bombing Manchester - a meaningless stupid act. Yes the world didn't change, it only came to New York, but many of us here, already aknowleged that. You may be surprised to learn that President Mandela speaks of the action of the New York City Council, in being in the lead of the disinvestment movement, which helped to end aparthide and set him free of his jail cell. The US federal government, he did not thank, he thanked us, not the US.
Well, what you don't hear at Mohamets, from the right the left, Jew, or Moslem are jokes about some 6,000 of our neighbors and guests, firefighters - court officers and police officers, pilots, flight attendants, and just plan folks being roasted and crushed to death. No, we are not jokeing, we are thinking of folks, good folks like John Tierney, whoes dad teaches Gaelic with my friends, John who was new to the Fire Department, still a rookie, who ran into hell for others he did not know, who still lies somewhere under the rubble, or perhaps was just the grey ash we all breath in every day still, well, if you find it funny, come to New York, I will buy you a hot dog in front of John's still burning pire, and let's see if you can eat it.
Pray for peace, work for justice
Larry

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Tone d' F
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 07:41 PM

Some people use humour to deal with trauma, I was in an intesive coranary unit in Kent and as people were brought in, we would have bets (no moey involved) who would and who wouldn't make it.

That and humour was the only way we had to deal with the fact that all 20 odd people in the ward had nearly died

I stopped when one of my jokes nearly killed the guy in the bed next to me (yes that bad)

When I returned home there was a car battery with jump leads on my doorstep, I found it hillarious my girlfriend didn't

Humour at the right time and in the right place, within minutes of the WTC happening I was recieving text messages and amongst them was a bannana boat / Bin Laden song that within an hour of it happening.

I would not think of reciting any of them. 6,000 wouldn't apreciate it and neither would their families

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: DougR
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 07:42 PM

Susan, I think we all got "took." This guy isn't interested in humor anyway. Just another Troll, probably passing through. If he didn't try to mask his actual message behind humor, and posted on one of the other threads about the WCT, he probably would have been well received by lots of folks. Not by me, of course.

DougR

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 08:05 PM

Well I hear that the latest hot item for Halloween costumes ar eturbans wtih arrows sticking through them.

A

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 08:18 PM

Doug, I didn't do a usersearch, but the name rings a bell...

Maybe one thing that works in sick humor, as stress relief, is when it happens between friends who have also shared the difficult situation... as part of a process of dealing with it. This felt, to me, more like something else.

~S~

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 09:36 PM

There was a comedian that pointed out there is a time limit when one can can make a joke about Pearl Harbor but is so long that once it could be deemed funny , no one would recall the reference so it wouldn't be funny anyway.

Subject: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 10:35 PM

Baaaah... that's nothing... very amateur Max Tone...

Ya want a 'bad taste' joke???

(WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING IS VERY OFFENSIVE TO A LOT OF PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing... You've already told her twice...

Now THAT'S in bad taste!!!!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 10:38 PM

Six of the current eight top threads are B.S.

And people wonder, "what has happened to the DT/MC

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 10:44 PM

If a tree falls in the forest is a man able to hear it as well as his wife's voice?

No, his wife told him to pick her up at Forest Mall, not the forest.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Troll
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 10:52 PM

Guest, see my post on the Rush Limbaugh thread.

troll

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 11:24 PM

Thanks Larry. I didn't get the Jumbo joke either. Some musical WTC humor from the Onion. Funny because it is painfully close to the truth:
President Urges Calm, Restraint Among Nation's Ballad Singers WASHINGTON, DC— In the wake of the recent national tragedy, President Bush is urging Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson, and other singers to resist the urge to record mawkish, insipid all-star tribute ballads. "To America's recording artists, I just want to say, please, there has already been enough suffering," Bush said. "The last thing we need right now is a soaring Barbra Streisand-Brian McKnight duet titled 'One For All.'" Reports that the FBI had confiscated several notebooks and audio tapes from Diane Warren's home could not be confirmed as of press time.

Burnt and rotting corpses. Friends and relatives scavenging through the stench and ruins twenty four hours a day hoping to find ...no. I'm not ready to laugh about this yet.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: MudGuard
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 02:44 AM

Max Tone, you wrote in your 6:29PM posting:

So, Some folks in the supposed 'land of the free' wish to censor free speech.

First, learn to count and learn English - there was exactly one person asking for censorship, 'some' in English refers to 'more than one'.

Second, how do you know he comes from the 'land of the free'?

Third, in your original posting, where is the joke you mentioned in the thread title?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 03:08 AM

OK, why don't we let this thread die. When MaxTone wakes up today he is going to regret bitterly having gone to the pub last night. But it WAS a misplaced attempt at humor, nothing more. And he will learn his lesson, I am sure.

After all, we all post things in poor taste which we regret later, don't we. I am sure WYSIWYG, taking the moral high ground above, bitterly regrets the day she offended the entire Irish Mudcat contingent by saying that God must really want to save the Irish because he made so many of them.

And DougR, taking a similar stance, would probably prefer not to be reminded of the thread he started asking for ways to beat the breathalyser.

So let MaxTone live and learn. We all make mistakes.

Murray

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Gervase
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 06:17 AM

Blimey, for f***'s sake guys, get off Max Tone's back.
His joke is one of the milder WTC jokes doing the rounds at the moment, and long may they propagate.
< Me sick? Of course. Because black humour is an essential safety-valve for dealing with tragedy.
I was on the scene at Lockerbie within hours of the explosion, and the humour among the recovery crews, the hacks and the officials there as they picked their way through often unrecognisable pieces of people strung like skeins of sausages from the trees and rooftops was about the only thing that kept people sane - and some of the jokes were very sick indeed.
I've seen the same thing happen in such disparate places as Clapham, Zeebrugge, Kegworth, Vukovar, Vitez, Purley, Mostar and Ladbroke Grove - there are some events that would be too awful to comprehend if we dwelt solely on the pain and agony.
God bless the person who finds humour in the midst of tragedy and thus makes a small safety valve for those who are left.
Ask yourself why the jokes appear within hours of the event. It's not "sickos" and "twisted minds", it's ordinary human beings, unamble to comprehend the true awfulness of what has happened, but who nevertheless want to stick two fingers up to fate.
So, unless you've actually lost a close family member on September 11 and do find Max Tone's joke personally distressing, stop kvetching.
He's just doing what countless others have always done and tried to smile in the face of enormity. Maybe his timing wasn't ideal, and maybe just lobbing the joke into a forum like this isn't the most diplomatic way, but...
And to think that I thought it was Al Quaida and the Taliban who wanted to supress music, humour and irreverance. Doh!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Ritchie
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 07:25 AM

I caught the end of 'Good Mornin' Vietnam' last night on TV, I've seen it before of course but with the current situation it makes you think does n't it ! Here we have a film with pathos, humour ,sadness, tragedy ....hang on how can that work ?

thanks to the person who submitted the thread ..it enabled me to read In Obu's reply, which to me put things into perspective as far as heartfelt everyday feelings are concerned.

Thanks to you all

love Ritchie

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 08:42 AM

He's aTROLL fer F*ck's sake, isnt that OBVIOUS?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 09:15 AM

Right, it appears I was WRONG in that assertion, & I apologise to him, & to everyone.

I'm sure he will regret the post really, much as I regret the one above.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 09:17 AM

Its not that I regret your regret but rather I regret not having the ability to edit ones posts in this forum as other sites allow.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: okthen
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 09:59 AM

My apologies for requesting censorship, the subsequent postings have been illuminating, I should have known the general level of intelligence here would deal with it.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: M.Ted
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 12:18 PM

The humor is not "sick", the event that we are using the humor to deal with is "sick"--

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: DougR
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 12:50 PM

Anyone other than me noted that MaxTone hasn't been back to contribute to his thread since he loosened the tirade against the U. S.?

DougR

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Jock Morris
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 05:01 PM

Having been drinking with Maxtone much of the weekend he probably was still under the influence when he started this thread:-)

What appears sick and tasteless when you're close to a disaster can seem much milder and less offensive when you're removed from the event by a few thousand miles. Witness my response to a request for 'humorous IRA songs' a few months back having lost a family friend to one of their bombs; I couldn't see the possibility of humour then.

Scott

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 05:11 PM

Maybe one should have to pass a breathalayser before posting?**BG**

Poor choice, posting it to a forum, but InOBU's and Sinsull's postings from Ground Zero are excellent reads.

katnotreadyforprimetimejokes,either

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 05:23 PM

Ok, so I did get shot down in 'flames'. BS thread heading or not, it would seem that "Jokes in worst possible taste " is pretty self explanatory, and nobody was forced to open and read it.
Maybe my timing's out as well, but I did at least wait a few weeks before posting. Most of the sick jokes I know appeared on that awful Black Tuesday.

In fact, the saddest one of the lot came BEFORE the event.
Do you think it co-incidence that Bin Liner chose the appropriate date of 9.11 for his air show????

I've also just heard that he celebrated his military strike with a slap up meal for his supporters, where they shared flaming tower burgers and a big apple crumble.

I'm sorry if I appeared to have an ulterior motive for posting; I didn't -- the censorship request got my goat, as did the single malt.......thence off at a tangent. I was hoping to trawl up some input of other jokes from round the world. Mea culpa.

Over here, hot dogs/sausages come in 'ordinary' (US - regular) or jumbo sizes.
"SOME people" is a term often used, when speaking to a group of folk, without naming or implying any particular person; The speaker/writer knows well of whom they speak, as does the subject.........

OK, so I'm a sad sicko and accept the flak, but since we're here, is there any interest in getting back to the original thread? Anyone wanna contribute? Loved the President's speech one.
Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: DougR
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 06:00 PM

Scott, Rob, thanks for posting those messages. Rob, I was pretty convinced, as you can see from my posts, that you were just a troublemaker. I see that you're not. As several people have pointed out, I posted a thread one time that I shouldn't have, and am emphatic with your situation.

I don't know any worst possible jokes to post, however.

DougR

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 06:05 PM

I'm the original guest who complained of the censorship request. I'm one of the 6% of the American public (according to the poll numbers being reported on the news as I speak) who is opposed to the bombing of Afghanistan.

My two favorite jokes I've heard so far was a reference to Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson (in the wake of their remarks about God punishing America for gay rights, or some such putrid shite) as the American Taliban. :)

But the one that warmed my heart most was on TV the Friday after the attacks. An emergency room doctor was being interviewed by some media hack doing a story about "the little hospital that could" (ie St. Vincent's--closest to WTC). The media hack is wrapping up the piece, and says to the ER doc "So, what you are saying is, if the casualties needed to brought to a small hospital, at least they were brought to the *right* small hospital."

The ER doc responds:

"Are you calling my hospital small?"

That was the first time I was really able to laugh after the fact.

Black humor is something some of us appreciate. I'm one of them, and I'm ready for the jokes--hungry for them, in fact.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST, I, hurricane
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 08:44 PM

>>>... accept the flak, but since we're here, is there any interest in getting back to the original thread? <<<

Well, okay. How about expanding on your observation implying that Americans somehow earned or deserved this massacre?

"If you'd kept your ideals at home, and not tried to export them to other lands, you wouldn't have suffered the consequences."

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 09:32 PM

Sometimes humor is all we have left that keeps us going.

I can remember jokes about Hitler during WWII, of course we weren't so damned PC then.

Just to make Max Tone feel a little better here's some email I received from a friend recently.
----------------------------------------

Killing Osama bin Laden will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire comrades to take hostages to demand his release.

Therefore, I suggest we do neither.

Let the Special Forces, Seals, or whoever -- covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital, and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation.

Then we return HER to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Whistle and Bagpipes
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 09:35 PM

MaxTone you blew it big time with your "joke" and to top it off with additional posts of "If you'd kept your ideals at home, and not tried to export them to other lands, you wouldn't have suffered the consequences." -doesn't help your cause any - just goes on to prove that you are a flamer with a poor sense of humor, timing and decency. So sad for you.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 09:43 PM

If I hear that sex-change operation joke one more time, I'm going to scream! Read the threads, people!!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Lisa L
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 09:52 PM

Gervase - Your defense of MaxTone is extremely poor and not well thought out. Have a nice day.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 10:21 PM

Get a name

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Ernie
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 10:28 PM

Bert - How about Ernie?????????? Happy now?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 10:31 PM

Now, don't you FEEL BETTER already gutless matey?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,ernie
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 10:33 PM

Only if I can fornicate with you - lucious lips lackey!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 10:35 PM

Why fornicate with ME; everyone knows you're already fucked.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Ernie
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 10:37 PM

Someone get their bum hurt in a weggie today? You certainly have a load of hostilty - and a load of shit. Just let it go! Har

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 10:48 PM

Let it go? When I'm having such fun in taking the piss out of a gutless wonder. It's kinda sad when you can't see that I'm laughing at you. Oh well, nemmind if you was a regular guy they'd have given you a name (and maybe even half a ball). Then that would have taken all the fun out of me renaming you gutless.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: okthen
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 04:26 AM

R.I.P.

O.K.then?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Ernie
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 05:58 AM

Ah but Bert you in the closet gay man, dontcha know Im laughing at ya too? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA The fact that youre taking the time to post to me and call me a gutless wonder (did you think of that name all by yourself - could have come up with something better) really amazes me. Ah but Bertie ya cant help yaself now can ya? Give us a kiss Bertie - kiss the gutless wonder and then it'll all be better ! Pucker up wee Bertie!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 11:35 AM

Hey gutless, you're improving. Glad you're having fun with this too. Now you know that the term gutless wonder is quite old and it seems to fit. Why should I bother to think up a name for you, when you can't think of one for yourself. You don't yet deserve a real name (or a kiss).

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Oscar the Grouch
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 12:49 PM

Just for the record, I am the guest who was complaining about the sex-change chestnut, and am NOT Ernie the flamer!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 12:59 PM

Oh come on, everybody. We need a thread for these jokes, I thought the original post was funny, I can't believe I'm the only person. Whaddayawanna bet that most of the complainers thought it was funny and immediately felt guilty? IT'S OK TO HAVE HUMOR if you are a human being. Any other contributions to these tasteless jokes welcome, but let's save the Should there be jokes for the thread that is already about this. Why can I say this? I've already lost my father to terrorism, can any of you complainers say the same?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 01:06 PM

If you're sifting through the rubble of the WTC, and you ask somebody for a hand, you just might get 5000 or so of them!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 02:08 PM

Ha! Now we have one gutless guest claiming that he's not THAT gutless guest 'cos that was another gutless guest.

Actually it has been determined that there really is only one gutless guest. But, depending upon which way the wind blows, he thinks he's Napoleon, or Ernie, or Oscar.

You silly sod, do you really think that anyone gives a shit if you think you're someone else? Face it! You're a nobody. And no matter how many kisses you offer you'll never make it into the inner clique.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 02:32 PM

Max Tone.

I didn't particularly like the joke but I got your intent in the post. I am extreemly tired of the Nuke Iranistan type of joke going around as well as the folks calling murders rag heads and saying things like the did it cause their turban was too tight. I've seen a few jokes generally have not like them enough to repeat. The onion.com had a headline that caught my fancy though. It was something like...

"Terrorists Shocked to Find Themselves in Hell."

In US grocery stores you can buy Jumbo Franks, but I've never heard it as a fast food order.

bert and ernie: Thank you for elevating the level of conversation. Have you been eating your crayons again?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mr Red
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 05:27 PM

just call me a piscatorial, tumericated onionist but...
there was this chive plant, a cod and curry packet.............
bad taste? I'll say

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 05:39 PM

Better to be called an 'Onionist' than an 'Onanist'!

Your joke made me laugh though.....*G*

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 08:07 PM

OK,

So this thread's degenerated into a slagging match, and I started it, by over-reacting to the censorship request.

Any further jokes welcome here, but I've started a thread to expand on my assertions re "Exporting Ideals" here -- Economic roots of Terrorism. I've gone chicken since posting this thread, so I ain't said much, yet, until I collect my thoughts properly, an' see what other folks have to say......an' i know the Injun dig's a bit below the belt...but true.
Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 08:19 PM

Not your fault Max....you know how some trolls can be.

(& apologies again for chucking petrol on that fire...)

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 09:05 PM

Cheers, Paul, Scott, & all others whose names have flipped past in this thread/supporters/understanding types/critics.
It make one look at justifying what you say in a fit of pique!

Also heard that Bin Liner had a starter for his celebratory meal. His first course was "Mullahgota'ye" soup. (Scots pronounciation of "Mullah got all you").

Strangely enough, a running joke in the UK for a couple of centuries is of the financier facing utter ruin,.......who flings himself from his office window......yeh....sick, but true.

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 09:07 PM

Love means never having to say you're Saudi.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Ernie
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 09:19 PM

Ahhhhhhh Bert the inner clique that supposedly doesn't exist? If I wanted to be a member of that group of shitheads Id sign up with a name. But alas I am here to amuse you there bertie. Gutless Wonder - you never were the creative type were you? I saw your pic too - gives new meaning to the term "Flamer"!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:33 AM

Well I hadn't heard the sex change one before... thanks for posting it!

LTS

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: ponytrax
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:53 AM

Jeezle, some of y'all really had your knickers in a knot!

I wonder if it is a "family culture" difference--by "family culture" I mean something that can't be named like Protestant or WASP or Muslim or Norizbeckian or whatever, but something that a group that's related recognizes.

Geez, in my family we tell gruesome jokes at the point of death. [I am not making this up, ask me about m'dad's deathbed and then my mom's].... It is a way of holding our fears close, yet marching onward with our heads held high. YOu shoulda seen us as....several episodes of bizarre and frightening events, and we laughed our way through it, and cried in between.

So all of you who were offended, stay out of threads that promise to offend you. For all of you who like to laugh through the tears, or who balance their sorrow with laughter at [sick] or [bad taste] jokes, bring 'em on.

Maybe YOU or YOU or YOU find this distasteful, but this thread was labelled quite accurately: jokes in worst possible taste.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Rory B
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:59 AM

Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor......he says...."make me one with everything".

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Kamalla Rose Kaur
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:31 AM

No, this is NOT Kamalla Rose Kaur, it's a software bug. Someone's software can't tell my screen name from hers. Admittedly I'm her husband, but she takes NO responsibility for what I say, and vice versa.

Bummer - I was actually LOOKING for jokes in the worst possible taste. I too am one of those who uses them to process trauma, etc. I know (knew) more people killed by American-sponsored terrorism than I do in NYC, so perhaps my perspective is different there too.

My worst joke nominee: Did you hear about the suspects that were caught buying a crop dusting plane? It wasn't the plane that raised suspicion, it was when they asked if they could christen it the 'Ebola Gay'.

Ken Whitley [e-mail]

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:27 PM

Check THIS out!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Wolfgang
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:59 PM

It wasn't the plane that raised suspicion, it was when they asked if they could christen it the 'Ebola Gay'.

But what raised the suspicion actually? The name of the plane or that they used the word 'christen'?

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:47 PM

Wolfgang - good point!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 06:44 PM

Shouldn't that read "Ebola Spray"?

This may not make sense across the pond, but here goes:-

Q -- Why doesn't Michael Barrymore have any ashtrays in his house?

A -- 'Cos he puts his fags out in his pool.

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: DougR
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 06:53 PM

Not to me, MaxTone. Must be a across the pond joke.

DougR

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 08:05 PM

Got it, Rob.

Wolfgang, it's referencing the name of the plane which dropped the bomb on Hiroshima, the "Enola Gay" named after the pilot's mother.

So, I would guess "Gay" was correct for the joke, too, but "Spray" works better!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 08:22 PM

Doug,
Barrymore's a UK gay comedian/TV presenter, who ended up with a dead rent boy floating in his pool after an all night party. Court case ongoing just now.
Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Wolfgang
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 03:36 AM

kat,

thanks but I did know what was intended in the joke. My point was the christen/crusade (alluding to our discussion about Bush's use of the word) aspect of the joke which I'm sure was not intended by Ken. But perhaps that was something you knew already...

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 12:14 PM

The Irish S.A.S. stormed Harrods this morning.

They heard Bed Linen was on the 3rd floor.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 05:17 PM

An' after they did Harrods, they laid siege to Battersea dog's home......an' took out all the Afghans.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 05:49 PM

Join the Marines!

Travel to exciting exotic places!

Meet exciting unusual people!

And kill them!!!

Steve

A retired hired killer of LBJ's :-)

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 06:23 PM

Was it F*ck bin liner.
'Twas a reclusive retired 1970s TV superstar behind it all. He used a 'string' of international 'puppet' operatives, working under the code-name -- Operation Flying Fox -- and masterminded by that cunning old vixen, Basil Brush -- whose catchphrase was-- Boom! Boom!

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: cyder_drinker
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 07:59 PM

An American fighter pilot was flying his F18 aircraft over Afghanistan, when he noticed a flying carpet on his left hand side, manned by a man with a machine gun. He looked to his right and saw another carpet alongside, also manned by a man with a machine gun. He thought "I've got to get out of this", so he accelerated flat out and put his plane into a high speed loop and came up behind both carpets, which he shot down. On arriving back at his aircraft carrier, he was told to report to the Captain immediately. 'You idiot !' said the captain. 'We saw what you did on our radar and now we're in a load of trouble'. 'What do you mean?' said the pilot, 'I shot both carpets down!' 'I know that!' said the captain, 'they were Allied Carpets!'

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Joe_F
Date: 13 Oct 01 - 07:30 PM

Mention of jokes about Hitler reminded me of this Polish one: When Napoleon marched on Moscow, he wore a red shirt, so that in case he was wounded his men would not be able to tell. When Hitler marched on Moscow, he wore brown pants.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 09:39 AM

These ones just in from an old mate. Ta, Campbell! Please excuse any formatting glitches.

In the year 2032, a man and his son are walking through a highly built-up Manhattan when they come across an empty space and the father stops to reflect for a while.

"Imagine son," the father says "exactly 31 years ago the great twin towers stood proudly in this area".
Intrigued by the comment the son then asks "what were the twin towers dad?"
To which the father replies "they were two of the largest buildings in the world and they housed many thousands of offices.... but in 2001they were

destroyed by Arabs."

The son pauses for a while and then asks "what were Arabs dad?????"

After Quasimodo's death, the Bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The

Bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several

applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.
Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The Bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!"
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The Bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned Bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the Bishop through, one of them asked: "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, ........ "but his face sure rings a bell"

There's more .....

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart

due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the Bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother Of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The Bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's

brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he moaned,

clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

The monks, hearing the Bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught Bishop, but..."

"He's a dead ringer for his brother."

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 12:04 PM

Thank goodness...the whiners have left and we can get down to the topic of your thread MAX...you were right....we need a place for this stuff....p>

How can you tell when a Taliban boy becomes a man?

When he takes the diaper off his ass and puts it on his head.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 06:42 PM

Stormer, Gargoyle,
Laughed, I nearly sh*t.

Now in all seriousness here, in this time of crisis and destruction, there's a few things we gotta remember:-

1/In historical and genealogical terms, many sons, upon 'inheriting' the reigns of power/landholdings, see fit to complete "A job my Daddy never finished"

2/ All World Leaders need to take a 'crash course' in the roots of Global Terrorism.

3/ The roots/symptoms of this discontent never appear 'out of thin air'......

4/ The 'Lea(r)ning' curve's a steep one - a downward angle of incidence of c. 15 degrees, I'd say, with 25 deg. tilt.......just now
......But it could be exponential........upwards.

Us e-mail been laden with a great pic of a fully armed and bearded "Tali-Tubby". Post yer e-mails on my message board, if ye wanna copy.


Best practical joke I can think of for the west to orchestrate, is to spread advance propaganda of a huge bombing raid in Afghanistan, Iraq, and other antagonised disaster areas, bring the fear to fever pitch,................ then drop nothing but food, aid, and medicine!! (And REAL quantities, not just media-feeding amounts!)-- and with NO economic, or any other, strings attached.

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 01:49 PM

...and where was King Kong when we neede him?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 11:21 PM

True story:
A local shopkeeper was proclaiming the need to nuke Afghanistan and all Arabs because they are terrorists. I asked "What about the terrorists who bombed Oklahoma City?" "Them too" he said. "They were Americans". Total silence..."What?" I said "Timothy McVeigh...Oklahoma City..." Blank stare, then:"I never read about that." Giant SIGH! Sorry for the thread drift. If it were a joke it would be in the worst possible taste.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 07:59 AM

The uncommon cold

Anthrax song : to the toe tappin tempo and tune 'Jesus is Easy'

The Anthrax song (the Uncommon Cold) by Don Hakman c 2001 ...........................................................................................................................................................................

I paid a toll, I got some change, I went to town and bought some stuff and then I took the train I ate a burger, a soda, and crap I shouldnt oughta cuz now I got the anthrax and I'm wondrin where its from...

(chorus) Anthrax is easy if you're startin to sneeze your gonna wonder if you're gonna grow old. Anthrax is easy cuz its cured with Cipro and not contagious like the uncommon cold.

I went to work, and like a jerk, I used the water fountain and got somthin on my shirt and in a letter, I opened, I really should know better but Ed McMann just said I'd won and now I'm wondrin where its from .. .(chorus)

I came home ,I used the phone, I called my doc in quarantine and asked him for some pills and in the bathroom, later, I used some toilet paper and I've got a sore not there before I'm wondrin where its from.( chorus)

I watched the news, took off my shoes, I took a shower for an hour then I went to bed but in my dreams, I screamed , and then woke up Irene , then told her to beware the air I don't know where its from (chorus)

In the morning, I got changed, I went to town and bought some stuff and then I took the train I ate a pizza, eclair, and some stuff that had grown hair but now I got the anthrax and I'm wondrin where its from...

Anthrax is easy if you're startin to sneeze your gonna wonder if you're gonna grow old. Anthrax is easy cuz its cured with Cipro and Its everywhere ,,,I'm telling ya they got anthrax.... every wheeeeere.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bill I can do one of these every couple days, probably more than you could ever use. Do you want a steady stream of these pre recorded (air play quality) So is the patriotic Ossamo song a one shot freebie, or are other topical light hearted tunes in your budget? If I had a phone # you could at least hear what they sound like - that is if you can spring $19.99 for a new phone :-) Best, Don Hakman

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Tony in Sweden
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 08:00 AM

Reuters news reports that all of 4 terrorists has been operating in Glasgow. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. Strathclyde Police stated that the three, Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.
mvh TC

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 08:28 AM

What does Hiroshima and Afghanistan have in common?

NOTHING, YET.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Ken W
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 10:03 PM

As Wavy Gravy says, if you can't laugh at life, well, it just isn't funny anymore.

I thought I was bad for the parody 'A white box knife and a seven-fifty-seven, I'm all alone at the gate'. Glad to see (hear?) that someone topped it.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Roone Arledge
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 10:22 AM

The revised Taliban TV schedule:

MONDAYS
8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Monday Night Stoning
9:30 Win Bin Laden's Money
10:00 Eye for an Eye Witness News

TUESDAYS
8:00 Wheel of Terror and Fortune
8:30 The Price is Right if Osama Says It's Right
9:00 Children are Forbidden from Saying the Darndest Things
9:30 Afganistan's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
10:00 My Mullah the Car

WEDNESDAYS
8:00 Beat The Press
8:30 Whose Jihad Is It Anyway?
9:00 Married With 139 Children
9:30 Just Shoot Everything
10:00 Veil Watch

THURSDAYS
8:00 Osama and Grace
8:30 Who Wants to Marry a Terrorist Millionaire?
9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils
9:30 Sponge Bob Square Turban
10:00 My Favorite Martyr

FRIDAYS
8:00 Judge Omar
8:30 TeleTalibans
9:00 Captured Taliban Soldiers Say the Darndest Things
9:30 Cave and Garden Television
10:00 Allah McBeal

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mr Happy
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 07:59 AM

bruce the demon fiddler aired this anecdote at Mr Happy's Musical Therapy Session last night:

man goes to doctor, 'there's something wrong with my wife- she's acting ver strangely'

doctor says 'could be altzheimers or aids'

man 'how will i know the difference?'

dr 'put her on a bus- if she comes back, don't s**g her!'

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mr Happy
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 08:01 AM

& prompted by the 'Shackleton' thread, theres the one about Capt Scott's expedition to North Pole.

last entry in Scott's diary:

'No porridge this morning, Oates ran out'

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 09:01 AM

Okay........

Some time ago, you know, Jeffrey Dahmer escaped from prison. Fortunately he recaptured -- carrying a bottle of barbecue sauce and heading for Waco.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 12:19 PM

One day a man notices a funeral procession. It's headed by two hearses, followed by a man with a large dog, and then by a file of people that stretches nearly a quarter of a mile. "Who's in the hearses ?", he askes the man with the dog. "Oh, the first has my mother-in-law in it and the second, my wife". "How did they come to die then ?", asks the first man. "Well my mother-in-law nagged me, the dog bit her, and she died the next day - then my wife nagged me to get rid of the dog and it bit her - she died the following day". The first man thinks for a bit and then asks "Would you lend me that dog ?". "Join the end of the queue", said the man with the dog.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Li'l Aussie Bleeder.
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 03:22 PM

My mother was ill with cancer and this is the joke my father told:
A doctor moved in next door and this old biddy used to keep asking him for diagnosis over the fence (What should I take for this? What do I do for That?) and so on. The doctor died and within a few days the old biddy died too and was buried next him. One day the doctor heard a knock, knock on his coffin and it was the old biddy wanting to know what to do for WORMS!!!!
I thought my Father's timing was a bit off, though i never doubted his sense of humour.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: tar_heel
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 05:03 PM

omg!....i've read everyone of these and i'm tired and sleepy now,so i'll just say good day and take a long nap and sleep on all of this...by the way,when i sleep i take a viagra pill and drink a warm glass of milk!...the warm milk helps me sleep!...the viagra pill keeps me from FALLING OUT OF BED!!! good day,all!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 09:14 AM

So these two Indian brothers left the Res and headed off to the bright lights and big city. It was their first time off the Res, where they had grown up among the traditions of their people, the Ojibway.

Down the road they went in their pickup, and eventually they decided to pull in and do a couple of things, one of which was to get something to eat.

The signs were all over: Arbys. McDonalds. Taco Bell. And have been sheltered on the Res, they hadn't a clue what the signs meant.

Finally, one of them pointed to a sign that read "Sam's Hot Dog Shoppe." Well, they knew what THAT meant, and off they went.

They sat down, placed their orders, and were served dinner.

The oldest brother peeked into his sandwich and turned to the younger one. "Hmmm," he asked, "what part of the dog did YOU get?"

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Gareth
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 06:09 AM

I lifted this one off another discusion site, if it's been posted on the 'Cat before I appologise, if you have not seen it I think it is worthy of attention.

PREACHING TO BEARS

A priest, a rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all
served as chaplains to the students of Northern
Mich U in Marquette. They would get together two
or three times a week for coffee and to talk
"shop."

One day someone made the comment that preaching
to people isn't really that hard. A real
challenge would be to preach to a bear.
Well, one thing led to another and before it was
over they decided to do a 7 day experiment.

They would all go out into the woods, find a bear
and preach to
it......................
It's now 7 days later and they're all
together to discuss the experience. Father
O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on
crutches, and has various bandages goes first.

"Wellll," he says in a fine Irish brouge, "Ey
wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr.
Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him
from the Baltimorre Chatecism. Welll, thet bearr
wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me
aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE
SAINTS BE PRAISED, he becam as gintle as a lamb.
The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him
fierst communion und confierrmation."

Reverend Billy Bob speaks next. He's in a wheel
chair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an
I.V. drip. In his best fire and brimstone
oratory he proclaims, "WELL brothers....you KNOW
that we don't sprinkle.... WE DUNK! I went out
and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read
to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear
wanted nothing to do with me.

I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I
took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We
rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN
another until we come to a crick. So'se I quick
DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like
you you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent
the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on
God's OOOOLY word."

They both look down at the rabbi who's lying in a
hospital bed. He's in a body cast & traction with
IV's and monitors running in and out of him. The
rabbi looks up and says "Oy! You don't know what
tough is until you try to circumcise one of those
creatures."

Gareth

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 10:04 AM

The Big Man slammed open the doors to the roadhouse out in the Alaskan bush, stomped over to the bar, bit the neck off of an unopened bottle of cheap hootchinoo, drank it, and roared, "Who thinks they're bad enough to beat me?"

There were no takers, and everyone kept drinking. No matter how much he roared and bellowed, the Big Man couldn't provoke a fight. As he stamped out the door, a bent old man said, "PSSST! Come here, I gotta tell ya somethin'."

The Big Man plunked himself down in a chair and said in a voice like a bad chain saw, "How's come none of these pansies wants ta fight?"

The old man replied, "Son, there're people in there who could tear you to shreds, and yeah, they'll fight ya. But ya gotta prove yourself worthy of them fightin' with you first."

"What!" the Big Man roared. "Worthy ta fight! That's...that's...wadda I gotta do?"

"Three things," said the old codger, "and you've already done one of 'em. You gotta drink a whole bottle of whiskey, rape an Esquimo squaw, and wrassle one of them Kodiak brown bears."

"Done!" said the Big Man and he rushed off into the winter twilight.

Some hours later he was back, blood streaming from his body, his clothes ripped to shreds, even his hobnailed boots in fragments that barely kept the snow from his chewed feet.

"Now," he said to the old man, "where's that squaw I gotta wrassle?"

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 05 - 07:10 AM

A lady was sitting in a riverside café enjoying a coffee and admiring the view. She spotted two Italian men who appeared to be arguing as they walked towards the café. They both came in and sat close to her. They ordered drinks and started to engage in animated conversation. The lady ignored their conversation at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men saying: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."

The lady was disgusted and indignantly retorted "You foul-mouthed swine. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Whosa talking abouta sexa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella Mississippi!"

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 05 - 07:15 AM

ps

regret placing joke here-didn't read 4going posts first

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 26 Jun 05 - 07:53 PM

In Tom Lehrer's well-known lines

"Call him a Nazi -- he won't even frown.

`Eh -- Nazi, schmazi' says Werner von Braun."

it is doubtless in bad taste to use a Yiddishism in such a context. The intent, however, was satirical. It was left to an actual German, round about 1970, to make that remark his own, without (self-)satirizing intent. In a broadcast press conference (in English), the right-wing media magnate Axel Springer, who was called all manner of names on the left, was asked by an American reporter whether it bothered him to be called a Nazi. His reply: "Nazi, schmazi, as your American folksinger put it." Note that he also managed, in the same breath, to call Tom Lehrer a folksinger.

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: When I was a boy, the genders were masculine, feminine, & neuter, the sexes were male & female, & fucking was fucking. :||

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: wlisk
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 03:31 PM

An old farmer was selling his peaches door to door.

He knocked on the door and a very pretty young lady

dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door.


He raised his basket to show her the peaches and
asked;

"Would you like to buy some peaches?"


She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and
asked; "are they as firm as this?"


He nodded his head and said, "yes" and a little tear
ran from his eye.


Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off
asking; "are they nice and pink like this?"


The farmer said "yes" and another tear came from the
other eye.


The lady then opened the bottom of her negligee and
asked, "are they as fuzzy as this?"


He again said "yes" and broke down crying.


The lady said "what in the world is wrong with you?"


Drying his eyes he replied; "the drought got my corn,
the flood got my cotton, and now I'm gonna get screwed
out of my peaches."

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: heric
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 07:22 PM

A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No", so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said "No", so she gave him a deep, hard kiss and walked on.

The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever been fucked?"
Excitedly, the fellow said "Oh my gosh, no!"

She said "You will be when the tide comes in."

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 11:49 AM

How nice to see that one as a MAN with no arms and no legs!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Sleepless Dad
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 05:15 PM

One of the guys in the office read the joke about the guy with no arms or legs washing out to sea and said he knew the guys name. It's Bob.

Unless of course he's on your front step. Then his name is Mat.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 05:17 PM

Nah, we met him one time in the camp hot tub; his name was Stu.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Sleepless Dad
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 05:21 PM

And his one legged girlfriend is named Ileane.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 11:49 AM

And if you find him in an envelope, his name is Bill.

And if you put him in a paper bag, his name is Russell.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 12:00 PM

A disabled woman was in the park, she didn't do sex for ages, she see's a bloke she fancies , nd shouts to him "hey, bloke, come and fuck me etc" he picks her up, takes her cloths off , and throws her in the pond, he says " now your fucked, aren't you?".

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 02:55 PM

Three guys happened to have got married on the same day, and be staying in the same hotel. They get talking in the bar, and the subject of conversation (rather predictably) moved onto sex...in particular, how may times a guy might be expected to, uh, perform on his wedding night. Soon they had hatched a plan...the next morning at breakfast, they would each order one slice of toast for every time they'd done the business the previous night. Next morning in the restaraunt... the first guy says to the waitress, in a loud voice, 'Can i have three pieces of toast please?' Resulting in giggles from the second man, who orders five pieces. The third guy, who has been looking remarkably smug all morning, says...'Can i have SEVEN slices of toast please...oh, and waitress...make two of them brown!'

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 03:14 PM

my old friend, Tony knew some jokes....including "The Arab with the large left nostril"...but it is in FAR too bad taste to post here.....

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 08:31 PM

From a list I run...

> Three guys happened to have got married on the same day,

Dear me, this reminds me of an old Minnie Pearl story. As you may know, Minnie was a favorite comedienne on the Grand Ole Opree in Nashville, Tennessee, and was known for wearing a very nice store-bought hat, with the price tag still on it. This is the story of how she got one of her other trademarks.

When Minnie was a young maiden, she also was married on the same day as a number of her girl friends, and they, too, wanted to boast of their husband's prowess at breakfast the next day, but they decided to use the word "morning" in their greeting for each time, er, they experienced bliss, as it were.

Well, the new day arose, and the four ladies met at the coffee shop, amidst giggles and sly winks. The first no longer maiden said: Good Morning! Isn't it a lovely morning this morning?"

The second woman smiled and spoke; "Good morning good morning! This morning I think I'll take a walk in the lovely morning air!"

Her dear friend then spoke up: "Good morning, good morning, good morning! What a lovely day this morning! This morning I think I'll have just coffee, I'm just not hungry this morning for some reason."

With her three friends now curiously staring at her, Minnie Pearl smiled and shouted out: "Howdy!" which was here trademark greeting for many, many years.

But now you know why.

Roger

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 09:27 AM

Saw a man with no arms or legs swimming the English Channel.

"Clever dick", I thought.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Musket
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 09:38 AM

Was his name Bob?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 09:55 AM

We had that one a mere nine years ago in this thread, Musket. Tsk. ;-)

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Musket
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 11:59 AM

So much for spontaneous wit...

Don't tell me this thread had gone through the "woman balancing a pint of bitter on her head whilst playing snooker" joke phase?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 12:56 PM

An old TV show used to have a routine where they just tossed off punchlines to jokes they couldn't possibly tell 'live'. Most of us watching knew most of the jokes.

"Thursday's your day in the barrel"

"The whole shovelful, Miss Kitty?"

"Nothing queer about Carruthers"

"You ought to see him make donuts!"

"Don't you want to open the beer?"

"Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?" (not sure this would fly on TV...you can almost re-write the joke from the punchline.)

"Y'know, most of the guys just rides 'er into town." (borderline, even as punchline)

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

"Yeah, but this one's eating my popcorn!"

"I didn't say PIANIST" (also borderline)

"'It looked so good, I ate it myself'."

... have at it...but be tastefully offensive!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 02:02 PM

OK, there is some long involved joke about vampire bats that ends with one big one saying to the little ones, See that big tree? (they all say yes.) Well, I didn't!

I would love to know the set-up - also for the popcorn one, it's in Men In Black and I never knew the rest.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,michaelr
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 06:51 PM

Why can't you teach a Mexican sex ed and driver's ed on the same day?

It would be too hard on the donkey.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 07:54 PM

Why is a racist like a dog? Both mark their territory with shit

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 09:14 PM

What do Groucho Marx and Lulu have in common?




They both have moustaches, except Lulu.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 11:40 PM

Mrrzy-

popcorn

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Jun 14 - 11:42 PM

Or.... specific answer

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: LadyJean
Date: 05 Jun 14 - 12:56 AM

Ok, my mom worked at Allegheny General Hospital in the early days of WWII.   She said she'd heard just about eveything, including the sickest joke I know.

Did you hear that the proctologist is doing tonsillectomies in Germany?

Yeah, well the Jews aren't allowed to open their mouths there.

It's dated of course but still in the worst possible taste.

While she was there, a pathologist was doing an autopsy on a stillborn baby. Someone asked him how the baby died, and, with typically sick medical sick medical wit, the pathologist said the baby fell down an elevator shaft. Some days later there was an investigation into babies falling down elevator shafts in the hospital.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Apr 22 - 09:13 PM

Covid song : to the toe tappin tempo and tune 'Jesus is Easy'

(the Uncommon Cold) by Don Hakman c 2001 ...........................................................................................................................................................................

I paid a toll, I got some change, I went to town and bought some stuff and then I took the train I ate a burger, a soda, and crap I shouldnt oughta cuz now I got the Covid and I'm wondrin where its from...

(chorus) Covid is easy if you're startin to sneeze your gonna wonder if you're gonna grow old. Covid is easy cuz its cured with Cipro and not contagious like the uncommon cold.

I went to work, and like a jerk, I used the water fountain and got somthin on my shirt and in a letter, I opened, I really should know better but Donnie Trump just said I'd won and now I'm wondrin where its from .. .(chorus)

I came home ,I used the phone, I called my doc in quarantine and asked him for some pills and in the bathroom, later, I used some toilet paper and I've got a sore not there before I'm wondrin where its from.( chorus)

I watched the news, took off my shoes, I took a shower for an hour then I went to bed but in my dreams, I screamed , and then woke up Irene , then told her to beware the air I don't know where its from (chorus)

In the morning, I got changed, I went to town and bought some stuff and then I took the train I ate a pizza, eclair, and some stuff that had grown hair but now I got the Covid and I'm wondrin where its from...

covid is easy if you're startin to sneeze your gonna wonder if you're gonna grow old. Covid is easy cuz its cured with some bleach and Its everywhere ,,,I'm telling ya they got Covid.... every wheeeeere.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Apr 22 - 09:21 AM

RIP Gibert Gottfried. All his jokes were too soon.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Apr 22 - 01:57 AM

I missed the popcorn answer in 2014, thanks!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 15 Apr 22 - 11:03 AM

If only Africa had more mosquito nets, it would save millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS every year!!!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Raedwulf
Date: 15 Apr 22 - 12:52 PM

I'm slightly surprised this one was never posted (though not at all surprised at all the hand-wringing at the top of the thread).

Q: What's got four legs and goes "Woof"?

A: Piper Alpha.*

* The Piper Alpha oil rig in the North Sea exploded & burnt in July 88. 165 men on board, plus 2 rescue workers, died. Only 61 escaped. The joke, as I recall, appeared within a day or two.

I don't know how widespread this phenomenon is; I doubt it's a peculiarly British trait; but it certainly acts as a... I'm reluctant to say "coping" mechanism, because most people aren't affected by such disasters. It's not macabre, ghoulish, or Schadenfreude, let alone "sick". It IS black humour, it's a way of dealing with the fact that something dreadful has happened. After Princess Di died, there was a "cut & shut" joke quickly doing the rounds ("cut & shut" refers to the illegal practice of welding the undamaged front end of a wrecked car to the undamaged back end of another; the Ford Princess was a model made up to about 1981, so it was still a familiar name to the British in the late 90's).

I wonder how widespread this trait is? Is it only British, North European / Germanic, or more universal?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Apr 22 - 01:21 PM

I sat watching a video one night when I was with my ex wife. She was baking in the kitchen. I started to shout... 'No No don't do it, it's a trap'!!!! She shouted 'What are you watching'?......... I replied 'Oh just our wedding video'

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 15 Apr 22 - 01:32 PM

What’s wrong with a gay bbq?

All the hotdogs taste like shit

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Apr 22 - 05:51 PM

Well you can have a joke that's in bad taste, but if a joke doesn't make you laugh is it actually a joke at all?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 16 Apr 22 - 06:02 AM

If a bear takes a dump in the forest, and there's no philosopher there to hear it, is the bear relieved?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Raedwulf
Date: 16 Apr 22 - 08:29 AM

Steve - as Bonzo (as per usual) is proving... Nope! ;-)

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mrrzy
Date: 17 Apr 22 - 02:54 AM

I remember How do you make a cat go "woof!" and it involved setting it on fire...

After the Challenger: did you know Christy McCauliffe's eyes were blue? Yeah, one blew that way and one blew another.
Also: what does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.
Also (which was a MOVE joke too) How many astronauts can you fit in a VW bug? 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 7 [11, for MOVE] in the ashtray.
Also: what were Christy McCauliffe's last words? No! Bud light! (You have to have watched commercial TV to get that one.)

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 17 Apr 22 - 04:01 AM

What were the last words, heard by NASA control, from the Challenger Space Shuttle?


"Go on, let her drive. It won't do any harm."


DC

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Apr 22 - 06:16 AM

I think that the template for the perfect bad-taste joke is Billy Connolly's one about his mate who'd buried his dead wife in the garden, leaving her bum sticking up above ground. When asked why he'd left her bum sticking out, he protested that he had to have somewhere to park his bike... (Billy tells it better, but it's been on so many repeats!)

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Apr 22 - 08:45 AM

I'm told this was my grandmother's favorite joke...

A young couple go into a movie theater and take seats way at the back.
After a while, stifled giggles arise from their location. Then louder, uncontrolled giggles.
   Finally, an usher hears them and goes over to the area and leans over the young lady and asks.. "Pardon me, m'am... are you feeling hysterical"
..and she giggled back.."No...he's feeling mine!"

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Apr 22 - 09:01 AM

A farmer is out plowing when his 10 year old son comes down to the edge of the field and motions him over.
"Hey Paw. Mom says to come up to the house, 'cause the preacher's here."
"Uhh.. which preacher?", the farmer asks.
"I don't know." says the boy.

   "Well, I've got 2 more rows to finish, so you go back quick and ask. If it's the Methodist guy, you take that tin with our grocery money and put it in the closet. If it's the Catholic, you take my jug of likker and hide it under my bed..... and if it's that Baptist from town, you just sit on your mother's lap till I get there."

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Apr 22 - 02:45 PM

The Mafia's favorite drink was always two shots and a splash.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Apr 22 - 11:51 AM

Ode to Jeffery Epstien
or how man is torn between the etheral abstract beauty of the world and the fetid rotteness of his glands.
sung to
The Sheik of Carabean:

Over the sea of Florida
he flys and sails by 'naughtica'
With pimps at his command
he has a vile caravan
He sings to girls as they ride
and then runs away to hide

Clothes all fade by dawn
and soon they will be gone.
The captured child brides
clutched to his shriveled side
Swift as the wind they will fly
Proudly he scorns their smile of fear
Soon he conquers girls so dear.
He is the Sheik of Carabean
razamataz

He sings; I'm the Sheik of Carabean
Your love belongs to me
At night when you're asleep
into your tent I'll creep
The stars that shine above
will light my way to love
I rule the land and sea
I'm the Sheik of Carabean

(Jeffery smirks and winks)

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 21 Apr 22 - 04:07 PM

Well you certainly achieved "the worst possible taste" part of the thread title...

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like, Steve?’ I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘All right,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.’