BS: Stating the Obvious

Subject: Stating the Obvious
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 09:43 AM

For years I've been using mainly the following well known phrase. 'Is the Pope a Catholic?' however there are others like : 'Does the Bear shit in the woods?'. Q magazine a few years had a list of some new ones and the only ones I can remember are 'Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?' and 'Is Salman Rushdie's phone number ex-directory?' any body got any new ones?

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 09:45 AM

Does a chicken have lips?

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 10:08 AM

Would a hungry dog eat meat?
Would a cat drink milk?
Does Methuselah have wrinkled balls?
Can a fish swim?

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 10:14 AM

I saw a play once ("How I Got That Story" --forget playwright's name) where one of the characters spoke in these very, very colorful metaphors. The one that really sticks in my mind (obviously for when the answer is "no" not "yes") is,

"Does a pig shit ice cream?"

another I really like is:

Is the Pope Polish?

Mostly in my family, when someone asks a ridiculously obvious question, the sarcastic resoponse takes the form of "No, I'm just -----" (where the ----- is something ridiculously unlikely) For example:

Are you eating the apple I saved for my lunch?
No, I'm just checking it for worms for you.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 10:25 AM

Does Mudcat have music?

Does Mudcat have controversy?

Does Mudcat have fun?

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 10:49 AM

A subspecies of the 'stating the obvious' aphorism is the 'this item is completely useless' - viz. 'It's as much use as a catflap in a submarine' or a 'one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest' or 'a chocolate teapot'.

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 10:51 AM

Yes, but let's NOT start that all over again...

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 10:58 AM

Yes, we've had at least 3 threads on that in the last 6 months!

But I'll be jiggered if I can find any, having looked for a while -- anybody remember the thread titles?

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 10:58 AM

Sorry guest- Pork Chop at a Jewish Wedding, Chocolate Fireguard, Ice Cream to Eskimos

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 11:01 AM

bacon sandwitch at a barmitzah.

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: SDShad
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 11:47 AM

Tits on a boar hog.

My favorite, from my father's childhood: as useful as a whip-socket on a Model A.

Shad

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 11:57 AM

N O ! he said DON'T START THAT AGAIN!!! honestly, it's like waving a red rag at abull - oh oh, here we go...

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 12:09 PM

I think at my best it was, "A funeral! What, did somebody DIE?"

Well, the kids had caught me off guard when they said the high school had let them out midday to go to a funeral.

But now we use it whenever we want to comment on something being so obvious we can't see it.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Dead Horse
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 02:03 PM

Try "Is bin Laden ex-directory? or "Are the Taliban a bunch of she-ites?

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 02:23 PM

Is a frog's ass watertight?

The smartass variant on this type of thing where I grew up was different in that when someone asked you the obvious, you changed it....ie, there was a big football game on Friday night and you're all standing around talking about it when an asshole asks, "So are you going Friday night?"

"Yeah, we're goin' out to Jimmy Scaffidi's and play bocci ball man."........a short pause while the guy ponders this......"Of course we're going to the game you fockin' dumbass."

You dredge up spmething totally absurd and throw it in instead......and then belittle the guy for asking. Typical "cut" humor.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Gary T
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 06:11 PM

My favorite is a combination of the first two--"Does the Pope shit in the woods?" Absurd in itself, it works because most people have heard the other two.

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 06:19 PM

Does Bob Dylan write songs?

Can William Shatner act?

Does Spock have pointed ears?

Is Yassir Arafat Palestinian?

Am I going on too long?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 06:42 PM

Does Bob Dylan write songs?
No, he writes poetry which is accompanied by tunes, many of them stolen, some original. A better question might be, "Does Bob generate controversy?"

Can William Shatner act?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......Can he act like an ass? Yes!

Does Spock have pointed ears?
Yeah, but doncha' wonder about his dick though?

Is Yassir Arafat Palestinian?
I'm not sure to be truthful as I think his ancestry is mixed.but yeah....I think he is?

Am I going on too long?
No fockin' way Hawkster....I was hoping for more as I was just starting to cork off here........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 06:51 PM

From my son:
How do like your coffee?
In a cup, fool! (courtesy of MrT and the A-team) Does this even fit this thread?????

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 06:59 PM

Yeah, why not? Kinda' comes under the old "Mad Magazine" heading of Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.

"Have a wreck?"
No thanks, already had one.

Guy loading suitcases into his car, passerby asks,
"Going on a trip?"
No, I'm a gigolo and these are the old bags I take out.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: BanjoRay
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 07:01 PM

At a bar the other night a couple of guys were talking. One says "Been golfing today?", and the other puts on a sad expression and says "I had to go to a funeral". I nearly said "so you got a hole in one then!" but I came close to biting my tongue off preventing it coming out - it was a close run thing.

Cheers
Ray

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Snuffy
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 07:04 PM

I thought it was going to be the one about the two guys golfing when a funeral procession goes by. One stops playing, removes his cap, and solemnly stands in silence as the cortege goes by.

The other says "That's very decent of you, old chap"

"Least I could do. She was a good wife to me"

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 07:05 PM

"Does the Pope shit in the woods?"

....he's Polish, isn't he?

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Mike Byers
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 07:07 PM

"Does a bull 'gator roar?" I think this one is from Florida.

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Pelrad
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 09:35 PM

I've always used "Does the Pope shit in the woods," and somewhere I still have a photo I had to clip from a newspaper: The Pope, on a visit to the US, walking down a hill out of a copse of trees...with his cassock hiked up. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:26 AM

I've always put it as 'do bears crap in the Vatican?', which had Micca rolling on the floor the first time I did it accidentally.

Oh and on papish things - 'Does the Pope have a balcony?'

'Is the Pope Jewish?' (well he wears a little yemucha)

'Are rabbits glad bears use Charmin?' (from an advert for Charmin loo paper, where bears crap in the woods with a roll of this paper nearby, and from the joke - bear to rabbit 'Does shit stick to your fur?' Rabbit to bear - 'No, why?' Bear grabs rabbit and wipes his bum with it.)

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:23 AM

Would love to see that photo of the Pope Pelrad. I suppose a sicko version could be 'Does Elvis like Hamburgers !!'

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:45 AM

If you stated something completely obvious we used to say 'Queen Anne is dead ' -but then i do come fro an odd family!

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 10:53 AM

Does God make those little green apples?

Does it rain in Indianapolis........in the summertime?

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: sian, west wales
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 11:18 AM

Does Howdy Doody have a wooden ass?

(UK version: substitute Muffin the Mule)

sian

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 11:21 AM

Actually, it rains more in Indy in the late Spring. This generally screws up the schedule for the 500. After the 500 is over and summer arrives, it don't matter a whit whether it rains in Indianapolis or not.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: ScottyG
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:05 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: DougR
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:10 PM

"is fat meat greasy?"

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Long Firm Freddie
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:39 PM

Is water wet?

LFF

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:53 PM

Are clichés Boring?

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:59 PM

Do cats have wings? (Actually they do; they just keep them neatly folded on their back when not in use.)

Written in large bold letters on an arm cast: "Hell yes, I broke my arm!" (Probably in response to the hundreth stating of the obvious.)

Or when someone asks, "Were you asleep?"
"No, I was weaving a Navajo blanket."

(Or, "Did I wake you?" -- "No, I was asleep anyway.")

Bat Goddess

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:31 PM

(Voice on the phone) Were you asleep? No I had to get up to answer the phone....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Whippet
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 05:59 AM

Are Morris Dancers Prats ? Ha ! Ha!

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: kendall
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 12:57 PM

useless as a pig skin Koran.

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 02:31 PM

Sorry Kendall, did you say Koran or Bodhran? *WG*

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: GUEST,frankie
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 04:13 PM

"Cow piss on a flat rock?" which of course has evolved into "Pope piss...?"

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Mr Red
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 05:21 PM

I just misread the thread.... I thought you were all stating the obverse. **BG**

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: brid widder
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 05:04 PM

as much use as a fart in a thunderstorm

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Gareth
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 06:57 PM

Over heard in Pippins (see LLanstock)

"Do beer drinkers visit the Loo (John/Dunekin) at night ?"

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Stating the Obvious
From: Melani
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 09:59 PM


Variation--"Is the bear Catholic?"

"Is it raining?" "No, I always shower with my clothes on before coming inside."

And the ever-popular picture of Dwight Eisenhower waving, captioned, "I'm still dead!"