Double Entendre Anyone?

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 04:22 AM

Fiolar, that song is Jelly Roll Morton's, The polite version is "The girls go crazy 'bout the way I walk" etc. The late night version, based on JRM's career as a "Sportin' House" pianist is "All the whores go crazy 'bout the way I ride" (and the man's not talkin' horses, no siree).
RtS ("You got a nice little motor, but too many drivers at your wheel")

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Gervase
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 05:52 AM

She was only the policeman's daughter, but she let the Chief Inspector...
Or (dubious taste this one); She was only the Admiral's daughter, but her naval base was full of discharged seamen.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 07:08 AM

Then there is the series of jokes where the second part is sort of a spoonerism of the first( the second part is usually left unstated for the listener to spooner, or if stated usually in a less obvious paraphrase)
i.e. "whats the difference between a magic wand and a policemans truncheon(nightstick)??
One is used for Cunning Stunts......
"whats the difference between a nun and a woman in the bath?
" one has a soul full of hope...."
Or " whats the difference between a barrow boy (street trader)and a dachshund
"one bawls out his wares oon the pavement....

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 08:52 AM

What's the difference between the big race at Ascot and Fergie (Duchess of York) looping the loop?
One's the Royal Hunt Cup ...

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 08:57 AM

Roger, thanks for the info. Funny thing though, the programme in which George and Spike performed was transmitted on a Sunday afternoon many years ago. I suppose like many more which slipped past the censor, no one had listened to it before it went on air.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: RangerSteve
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 07:54 PM

I worked at a state park outside of Jersey City and we monitored the Jersey City Police channel on our radios. One night I heard this conversation: "Go to (address), we got a report of a woman being assaulted in the rear". "Assaulted where?" "IN HER BACK YARD".

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Melani
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:38 AM

"...and there on the bed I cut loose with me sword."

Bob Franke did a couple of "hokum" blues--"Fuji Blues (bicycles) and "Computer Blues", which of course contains the line, "I got my modem workin'."

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 09:00 AM

Cap'n Bligh: 'Avast behind!'

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Airto
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 12:10 PM

Louis Jordan's song Saturday Night Fish Fry seems to be about more than just fish.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 03:23 PM

I cant work out how the old Skol Lager ad got out on UK TV Thats the one where he's got 4 cans in the fridge and all these people visit,some with and some without beer,and finishes off with the comment that he can still give his girlfriend one.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 07:13 PM

"Sir, you are prevaricating. Did you, or did you not, sleep with this woman?"
"Not a wink, your honour."

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 07:22 PM

judge:'you are charged with being drunk & disorderly, therefore you will go to prison for two weeks'

prisoner: 'your honour, i wasn't drunk, i was merely intoxicated'

judge: 'well, in that case you'll be jailed for a fortnight!' 8-)

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From:
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 05:46 AM

Don't know how you could've missed THIS one:

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls' track team?

Well, one is a bunch of CUNNING RUNTS . . .

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 07:24 AM

She was only the Colonels daughter and though she was very nice to the regiment , she was rotten to the Corps

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Billy Weeks
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 09:35 AM

And while we're digging out oldstuff:

Where is a woman's Now? As in 'I wonder who's kissing her now?'

And what is her Yet? As in 'He shot her in anger and the bullet is in her yet'.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Forsh
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 11:08 AM

North East singer songwriter, Peter Afendoulus got so pissed at folks miss-spelling his name, that his first (and gladly only) album was entitled: 'there's only one F in afendoulus.. does this count?

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Juan P-B
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 03:11 PM

How about...

She was only a Choirmaster's daughter but she knew 'Away In A Manger'

and........

What's the diff between a year-old baby and Camilla PArker-Bowles?

One chucks Farleys.......

HAsta
BFG

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 04:05 PM

What's the difference between...
A bad archer and a constipated owl?
          One shoots but never hits...

A Trafalgar Square reveller and an Ibex?
          One mucks about in fountains...

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 05:26 PM

A termite walked into a bar and asked "Is the Bar Tender here?"

In the UK there used to be a woman who cooked and baked, on TV, by the name of Fanny Craddock and her husband Johnnie used to help her.. and he always summed up at the end.
The day she made ring doughnuts he said " And if you follow the recipe carefully, all your ring doughnuts will look like Fannys".... He then coughed and looked totally embarrassed.
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 05:45 PM

He saw that truck at the motel
The name they had given was false
He saw through the window they had nothin' on
Except for the Tennessee Waltz.

-- Berryman & Berryman, "Cheatin'"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 06:33 PM

What's the difference between the Warhorse, and the Carthorse?

The Warhorse darts into the fray....

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 06:40 PM

What's the difference between a magicians wand and a policemans truncheon???
A magicians wand is for cunning stunts!

What is the difference between the Whitehall theatre and a public toilet?
The whitehall theatre is for Arts and Farces.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From:
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 09:15 AM

Didn't see you at the International Janitors' Convention - - it was a sweeping success!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 11:19 AM

I love good "clean" jokes.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From:
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 08:26 PM

I detect a majority of British (Or Austr?) input on this website - hope you don't mind, I'm a damn Yankee in Oregon, USA. I'm not sure how your "defenders" operate over on that side, but over here a popular one remains:

What's the difference between an attorney and a catfish?

Well, one is a scum-seeking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish!

Cheers!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Lil Dog Turpy
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 09:54 PM

At a recent musical get together, my brother asked the piper what sort of pipes they were ... "Flemish", "I can imagine but I meant where do they come from" !

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Tony
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 12:42 AM

I remember a couple of songs from the North of England which probably qualify.

One sung by the Oldham Tinkers about John Willy's 'orse: "between the pillars on the Town Hall steps John Willy showed his 'orse" etc

Then in another Tinkers one "the freezer collapsed and she fell on her ice and by gum she were cool to me then". You have to say ice with a Lancashire accent to get that one.

Another one was the tale of how an old man's rooster attacked an old lady's donkey which concludes "I think things have come to a terrible pass when you can't keep you cock from an old lady's ass'. Not sure if it's in the DB; I should look.

Then there was the story about the retired conductor with a dog called Grieg because all it ever did was pee agin t'suite (Peer Gynt Suite)

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: pavane
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:13 AM

Fanny Craddock was mentioned above. The 1960's BBC comedy program 'Beyond our Ken' (with Kenneth Horne and Kenneth Williams) had a cook named Fanny Haddock on the 'panel' for their send-up of Juke Box Jury (As well as pop star 'Ricky Livid')

Typical of the comments

'If you haven't listened to the Bartered Bride, you don't know which side your Bride is bartered on'

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 08:44 AM

Without checking through all the postings I don't know if this one has already been done. In the TV comedy series "The Thin Blue Line" starring Rowan Atkinson there was one scene where the CID officer felt that the blame for a particular problem might fall unfairly on him with the statement to Rowan - "Your cockup. My ass". How it slipped passed the BBC censors, I'll never know.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Lindsay
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:02 AM

My father has a sheet-music book with the lovely title "Six Wedding Pieces For Organ"

He was a classical guitar tutor, and once showed me a book entitled, "Bach At The Beginning" - to which he had added, "Miaow At The End"

What about the song, "If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Larry K
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:24 AM

My favorite is from the Kinks song Lola-   "well I'm not the worlds most passionate man but I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man and so is Lola"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 12:03 PM

That last one was terrible! If I were running this forum I'd whip it out immediately!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Sky-Coyote
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 03:55 PM

Hello Everyone,
How about the classic line from Victoria Spivey and Lonnie Johnson's
duet of Tooth-Ace Blues Pt1&2 from the mid 20's-"You thrill me when you drill me." This lyric was also later used in "Long John Blues" by Dinah Washington many years later.
Enjoy, Sky-Coyote the Jazzin' Hobo.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 05:47 PM

What's the difference between a barmaid in the daytime & in the nighttime?
In the daytime, she's fair & buxom.

What's the difference between a church & a bathtub?
In church, you have hope in your soul.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Juan P-B
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 06:54 PM

What's the difference....

.....A baby and a seagull?
One flits along the shore..

.... Plastic surgery and an OFSTED inspection?
One tucks up the features...

.... A mustard footbath and a bodhran player?
One bucks up the feet

Hasta
BFG

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Celtaddict
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 09:28 PM

What's the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
The hematologist pricks your finger.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From:
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 02:41 AM

A generation of houseflies decided to do something for entertainment besides the usual run of "fly stuff" and adopted themselves a national sport. Fly Drag Racing became so popular that the entire world of flies swarmed over to participate.

        There were vastly numbered trillions of entrants, and it became quite the job to prove who the winners were, so a two-billion strong panel of judges was elected and each fly was given a stopwatch to verify the ETs of countless contestants. What can be said about the judges and their stopwatches?

        Flies time when they're having fun!

(Would a fly without wings be called a "walk"?)

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Bentley
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 05:49 AM

Confucius he say "woman runs faster with skirt up than man with trousers down". Any good?

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From:
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 08:00 AM

Hi Bentley,

Okay, good. not exactly a Double-E, but a classic in it's own right! In the U.S. we had such a big run on "Confucius say" jokes back in the 1960s that some high schools put a ban on them (Administrators never learned to have any fun! Most admin's. were long dead before their time.) Are Confucius jokes coming back into style?

Confucius say, "Man who lay woman: - -

- on ground have piece on Earth!"
- on hillside not on level!"

He also allegedly said, "Man who see woman strip naked aboard airplane and lie on her back experience hairy crack-up!"

Cheers!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: pavane
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 08:07 AM

Confucius say,

Woman on Jockey's lap get red hot tip

Foolish man give wife grand piano for birthday, wise man give wife upright organ

Woman on judge's lap get honorable discharge

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From:
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 08:33 AM

Hi guys - - have we created a monster???

Cheers - the damn Yankee in Oregon

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 12:28 PM

What's the difference between an Ofsted inspector and a cosmetic surgeon? One tucks features whereas the other...

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 04:24 PM

What's the difference between an epileptic farmer picking corn and a hooker with diarria? The farmer shucks between fits...

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 05:30 PM

"No, no, nurse! I said to *prick* his *boil*."

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,marthabees
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 08:54 PM

It took me a minute to get this (and what a howler!):

"Hello Rodney." "Hello Charles." "How's your bottom?" "Shut up!" "So's mine. Must be the weather."

But I'm still don't get this one:

Or two nuns in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?" The other says "Yes, doesn't it?"

Please translate??
Martha

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 09:29 PM

ah, marthabees, your mind just isn't nasty enough; it is kinda subtle, tho; I think the implication is that you can "where" a bar of
soap down if you keep rubbing at any particular spot; then again, maybe I'm missing this one myself...

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,marthabees
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 09:41 PM

frogprince,
I'm usually a bit more ...ahem... on the ball than this.
Thanks for the explanation. I do believe I've got it now.

And I'd like to add: Anna Russell is a bit bawdy in her opera spoofs. Just a thought.
M

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 01:15 AM

If you keep the soap in the water long enough, it will get smaller.

Ah, that's the solution to my problem :-) - no more baths for me!

Confusicus say: Man who go to sleep with hard problem, wake up with solution in hand!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From:
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 02:24 AM

Said the radio talk-show-hostess to her groom on their wedding night,

"Now that you have brought it up, your point is well taken!"

Cheers!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 09:59 PM

Be sure to see The Gruen Watch Song, posted by Joe F.
-Joe Offer-