Song Challenge! - Part 68

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 04:02 PM

I really should have used this one for Halloween; but, better late than never ;-) If you Challenge!rs thought that the fella with eggs in his pants was strange, wait 'till you read about --

The Man Who Wanted To Be King . . . Of The Jungle, That Is -- (August 2001) SAN DIEGO, CA. -- A San Diego computer programmer who has spent £100,000 on tattoos and plastic surgery to turn himself into a 'tiger' wants a fur graft. ( Click here for his picture)

Dennis Smith is tattooed from head to toe with orange and black stripes and his teeth have been filed to needle point. His fingernails have been crafted into sharp talons while his hands have tattooed markings like a tiger's paws. He says he feels like a tiger.

The short back-and-sides he sported at the University Of California has been replaced with a long orange mane. He has also swapped his glasses for green contact lenses. He has also had latex whiskers implanted and surgery to his lips so he has a permanent snarl. He now wants a surgeon to graft tiger fur on to his skin, like a perma-wig.

Mr Smith, who has changed his name by deed poll to Cat Man, said: "I have a collection of old tiger pelts from the days of hunting. I want these grafted on to me. It will cost another $100,000 but will be worth it. When I have the coat of a tiger, I feel I will have reached my goal in life."

'Cat Man' admits "Of course people stare at me when I walk down the street, but that's the effect I desire. For so long I have equated myself with the tiger that I decided to change myself into one."

"It's the real me. So many men cross-dress without their partners knowing, or dress up and play cowboys or Civil War soldiers at weekends. Me, I'm a tiger all the time and I love it. I had my first tattoos done 20 years ago around my eyes and now my whole body is one pastiche of stripes and shading. I am really proud of it all."

M-E-OW!

Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Bardford
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 04:26 PM

"Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh - Catman!"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 04:45 PM

Here is a monologue I wrote about a fella who has more or less the same idea except that in Young Colin's case it's being a duck, not a tiger.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 05:09 PM

Kevin -- That's a great story! I'd love to hear you do it someday. '-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Gareth
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 06:38 PM

Hmmmm ! the Man/Kitzin wars ??

Sorry to well lubricated to do a parody tonite.

Gareth

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 06:40 PM

I have known some weird people in my life, but I think this takes First Prize!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Bardford
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 06:44 PM

"I got stripes, stripes around my shoulders..."

Sorry. I'll attempt to do better this weekend. Fascinating story, though.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Tinker
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 07:33 PM

Keep hearing the old gas company add .... Oh that Tiger, Oh that Tiger..... This will take some thought...

Tinker

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 08:04 PM

Oh dear -- don't tell me that I've finally stumped my darlin' Challenge!rs?? Surely not . . . ;-)

Well, while you all are churning your imaginations, I'll lead off with a little ditty I came up with. This song is dedicated to some folks I used to know that hung out at the Baylor Hospital Mental Health Unit (but, that's another story . . .) -- Just a little reflection upon one of my mother's favourite sayings: "There's method in every madness." It's a little melancholy; but, just try and see it from 'Cat Man's' point of view. So, here goes:

Bitter Sweet Revenge by Áine
(Tune: If My Friends Could See Me Now from the musical 'Sweet Charity')

If they could see me now, that little gang of mine,
Tattoed down to my yahzoo, batting balls of twine,
Like the sheep they are, they'd stand there and bleat,
When I unfurled my lips and showed them my teeth.
With nails six inches long, I'd rake the air with pride,
Then scratch my permafur where it's sewn to my hide,
They'll know who left that puddle 'neath the watercooler,
If my friends could see me now.

If they could smell my house, I know they'd twitch and shout,
"For God's sake, Dennis, won't you let that damn cat out!"
What a surprise for them, I'd be quite a hit,
When on all fours I squatted in my sand pit.
With scratches smooth as silk, I'd cover up my mess,
Then curl up in the bushes for a little rest,
I know their jaws would hit the ground, they'd never believe it,
If my friends could see me now.

If they could just appear, the kids from P.S. 6,
The ones who threw the stones at me, and tossed the sticks,
They'd never recognize my stripe-ed redux,
My mighty roar would just reduce them to goo,
They'd quake inside their boots, break out in freezing sweat,
Do you think that I'd enjoy that scene? Oh yeah, you bet!
And when I raised my tail to scent my territory,
Oh, if my friends could see me now!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 08:51 PM

Makes me think of the Christopher Robin of When We Were Very Young. So here's my slant on the fearsome Catman.

If I was a tiger I bet I would be
The scariest tiger you ever did see.
I'd have stripes on my face
And all over the place.
Yes, I'd show what I thought
Of the whole human race.

I'd have claws that would scratch 'em
And I'd chase them and catch 'em
And each day after dark
I would prowl in the park
And if anyone came near
I'd grab them and snatch 'em.

With a great stripey tail and a fierce tiger song
I would roam through the jungle, that's where I belong.
I'd not go to school
I would break every rule. And if anyone laughed -
Well they wouldn't for long.

I'd have whiskers so fierce
They would terrify nurse.
"No, I'll not go to bed,
I will stay up instead."
And she'd say that I could,
So I wouldn't get worse.

If I was a tiger...
If I was tiger...
Well I'm not quite a tiger -
But I will be some day.

(Here's a picture of another highly appropriate Christopher Robin that my search engine came up with. A domestic tiger.

duplicate message deleted by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 02:29 PM

Ah Kevin, that's a Sheila-na-Gig award winner for sure ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for these winning lines:

I'd have whiskers so fierce
They would terrify nurse.
"No, I'll not go to bed,
I will stay up instead."
And she'd say that I could,
So I wouldn't get worse.

Well done! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 03:01 PM

Very fine job, Kevin!!

But I think there are some really deep implications in this story.

What on earth could be going on with this fellow? Acting out a past incarnation? Trying to compensate for havingbeen eaten alive by a tiger in a past life? His mother was scared by a tiger when she was pregnant? how could this work, that a man-thing should grow up with a compulsive desire change species to such an extent he would spend a quarter of a million dollars and completely isolate himself? Very bizarre, don't you think?

I need to let this one soak a bit...

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 03:30 PM

I have a suspicion that as the technology kicks in we are going to see a lot more of this kind of weirdness.

"Species reassignment" they'll call it.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 04:03 PM

Mmmmmmmm -- Is this Challenge! a little too deep? Do I need to start a new one? Let me know, Challenge!rs . . . Maybe I'm a little strange (well, not that strange . . . ), but I thought you all would be coming up with some funny songs . . .

-- Áine (in a quandry, and fixin' to go into a brown study . . . )

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 08:19 PM

The best colour for a study in any house is brown.

I think they've had a look at that picture, and they're scared they''re going to wake up in the night - AND HE'LL BE THERE!! (But I reckon he's probably really more like the cat I turned up in that link I found.)

And Áine's written the definitive version anyway. Actually Sweet Charity could be rewritten for cats very effectively.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 08:35 PM

I gotta admit, I'm with Amos on this one--that's just plain creepy.

But then again, I'm wondering why he hasn't done anything about a tail...??

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 09:13 PM

No Áine,, we haven't given up -- you just raised thebar a bit here, and we're hyperventilating and backing up for a running start!!!

Love,

A.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: MMario
Date: 11 Nov 01 - 08:06 AM

busy weekend - got things percolating in the brain...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Deda
Date: 11 Nov 01 - 11:05 AM

Yes, it's macabre, and the guy is certainly unbalanced (Has he noticed that his implanted whiskers don't DO what cat whiskers do?) -- but here's an offering on the sillyish side anyway.

Tune - If I only had a brain, from the Wizard of Oz.

Just to hunt on a savannah
Would be heaven-sent, like manna
On the African sun belt
I could dine out on an ibex
And use rhino horns as toothpicks
If I only had the pelt

Well, it's hard, believe me, Smitty,
When you're born to be a kitty
I mean a giant cat
But I lack the big cat instinct
And I live in the wrong precinct
And I don't have fur to pat

oh, I
Could make you cry
With roars so loud and strong
I could roar and stretch and stretch and roar and yawn
And then I'd roar
And stretch some more

My DNA's the wrong one
I could be such a strong one
A hunter on a trail
I could leap up onto branches
And eat livestock from the ranches
If I only had a tail

My problems are genetic
And psychic and kinetic
And lots of other types
But I know I'd be a winner
Even as a rank beginner
I could eat you raw for dinner
If I only had the stripes!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 01 - 05:57 PM

Bravo, Deda!! Somehow the dames are taking home all the glory here!!! You and Áine been cobbling notes together? Dang!! Beautiful job. I can see Bert Lahr playing the role of the wannabe tiger.... LOL!!! This guy has me deeply perplexed, I got to admit.... Nice, nice nice~!!!

A.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 01 - 06:47 PM

A hasty offering at the Altar of Feminininininity....

If I Were a Sabre-Tooth

(Tune: If I Were A Carpenter)

If I were a sabre-tooth
And you were a lady,
Could I join in your fantasy ---
Maybe make a baby?

If I were a Bengal strong
With the wild tail flowing,
Would you ride me through the night,
Down the wild trails going?

    Homo sap's a bummer rap
    Full of loss and sorrow
    Let me be your cat tonight.
    I'll eat you up tomorrow!

If I were a man-eater
In the fields of Puna
Would you drive me wild each night,
With the smell of tuna?

Does it sound insane to you,
Being propositioned,
By a tiger in a man's dull form,
Needing a physician?
 

    Homo sap's a bummer rap
    Full of loss and sorrow
    Let me be your cat tonight.
    I'll eat you up tomorrow!

    Let me tear you limb from limb,
    Feel your fear necrotic!!
    Some how this is very cool,
    Even though psychotic!
    Even though psychotic....
    Even though psychotic.
 
 
 

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: GUEST,McGrath of Harlow
Date: 11 Nov 01 - 07:56 PM

I started writing a parody of Blake's Tyger - then I had another look at the original, and decided that it didn't need changing to fit like a glove. Or like a second skin.

Here's a link to the poem, with lots of tiger pictures on the page as well.

I suspect that Blake's poem could actually be at the back of all this.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 11 Nov 01 - 08:26 PM

Now THIS is more like it!! The Super Siblings of Song are not to be underestimated, it seems . . . ;-) Wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful. Here are the oh-so-appropos Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To Deda for her ruminations in rhyme:

My problems are genetic
And psychic and kinetic
And lots of other types
But I know I'd be a winner
Even as a rank beginner
I could eat you raw for dinner
If I only had the stripes!

And to Amos, our beloved bard of the b.l.o.b. for (. . . "why, hello ladies!" as the blind man said to the fishmonger . . .):

If I were a man-eater
In the fields of Puna
Would you drive me wild each night,
With the smell of tuna?

Can't wait to see what the rest of you come up with -- and Kevin, that's a wonderful poem, even if I cannot award you nary a Chip nor a B.L.O.B. for it -- but then, when there are such words wound 'round the wonder of the wild, well, what's a woman to do? ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Clifton53
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 01:27 AM

Bengali Benny
(Donegal Danny}

I remember the day that he came in
As I drank, and smoked on my pipe
An odd lookin' man by some degrees
His arms and legs in tiger stripe
His teeth were fangs, both long and sharp
He had claws where his nails should shine
I said to myself, and to my pals
"That's one freakin' big feline"

Chorus
So here's to Tigger and Raglan T.,
Old friends that I loved dear
And here's to you and to 'ol Tony too
Tell 'em Bengali Benny was here me boys
Bengali Benny was here

He stood at the bar and called a pint
He said "listen, I'll tell you how I felt
To be a citizen of man, when all the while
All I wanted was a pelt
I tried my best to stick it out
A human, a part of mankind
But this primal urge inside of me
Drove me out of my mind

So here's to Tigger and Raglan T.,
Old friends that I loved dear
And here's to you and to 'Ol Tony too
Tell 'em Bengali Benny was here me boys
Bengali Benny was here

So many roads I could have walked
I could mend, I could make and I could sail
But for my life of emptiness
I prayed and pleaded for a tail
I'd many friends, and lots of dough
And with many ladies I did dance
But I'd trade it all in one split sec
For a tailor who wants to take a chance

So here's to Tigger and Raglan T.,
Old friends that I loved dear
And here's to you and to 'ol Tony too
Tell 'em Bengali Benny was here me boys
Bengali Benny was here

And then he turned and left us there
All pondering what he had said
For the life of me, I could not see
How his urges would be fed
But the spirit shown, within this cat
Was seen so plainly as the truth
And we had no doubt that he would be
The world's first human sabre-tooth

So here's to Tigger and Raglan T.,
Old friends that I loved dear
And here's to you, and to 'ol Tony too
Tell 'em Bengali Benny was here me boys
Bengali Benny was here.

This was one of the toughest by far, I think it's a very compelling story and not so easily laughed at eh? Or maybe it's just me.

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 05:35 AM

Here's a toast to body art
Tattoo, tattoo
I saw your man and got a start
Tattoo, tattoo
I saw your man and I had a fright
He's a tyger, tyger burning bright
I think, poor craythur, he isn't quite right
Johnny I hardly knew ye

Where does he go for his holidays?
The zoo, the zoo
He says that's where he feels at aise
The zoo, the zoo
But the lion, the snake, the tall giraffe
Join the hyena in a laugh
They all think he's bloody daft
Johnny I hardly knew ye

They say he'd like a coat of fur
The fool! The fool!
Ah no, he says, I don't concur.
It's cool! It's cool!
And then I'll swap my hands for paws
Complete with fully retractable claws
And my baritone for a hideous roar
Johnny I hardly knew ye

When Grim Reaper comes around
Boo-hoo, boo-hoo
They'll not be putting him in the ground
Boo-hoo, boo-hoo
The taxidermist will have his day
We'll put his carcass on display
So no-one again will have cause to say
Johnny I hardly knew ye.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 10:10 AM

Time for some more well earned Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To Clifton53 for his own compelling lines (and definite Sheila-na-Gig material):

So many roads I could have walked
I could mend, I could make and I could sail
But for my life of emptiness
I prayed and pleaded for a tail
I'd many friends, and lots of dough
And with many ladies I did dance
But I'd trade it all in one split sec
For a tailor who wants to take a chance

And to mo chara, derrymacash, who took a great rolickin' roll toward ROTFLMAO with:

When Grim Reaper comes around
Boo-hoo, boo-hoo
They'll not be putting him in the ground
Boo-hoo, boo-hoo
The taxidermist will have his day
We'll put his carcass on display
So no-one again will have cause to say
Johnny I hardly knew ye.

The next round of Guinness is on me -- and I'm talking Donegal Pints, not those wimpy 'Merican ones!! ;-)

Keep 'em coming Challenge!rs, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 10:45 AM

You know, if you paint your house grey, that won't make it a battleship. Yeah this thing is creepy, but mostly pathetic. But that won't stop me from poking fun!

I am a Tiger with no Tail
Buck Owens, Harlan Howard, Catman

CHORUS:
I an A Tiger With no The Tail, it's plain to see
The doctors they won't put a tail on me
Well, I'm a gaining weight and sharpening my nails
Looks like I'm A Tiger with no Tail.

First I had my teeth filed and my mouth turned to a scowl
And now I'm working on my tiger howl
Striped tattooes and whiskers make me feline with out fail
And it Looks like I'm A Tiger with no Tail.

CHORUS

I am A Tiger With no The Tail, it's plain to see
The doctors they won't put a tail on me
Well, I'm a gaining weight and sharpening my nails
Looks like I'm A Tiger with no Tail.

CHORUS

A hundred thousand dollars to graft an old pelt on my skin
I surely will be a tiger then
But even on a good day I'll still be pretty frail;
And it Looks like I'm A Tiger with no Tail.

CHORUS

I've alway been a tiger look upon my orange hair
I'll get it covered under medicare
I'll publicize my story through Springer and the mail
And then I'll be a tiger with a tale.


line breaks fixed by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 11:04 AM

Pelt OF THE TIGER DeRider

Pointed at, out in the street
Died his hair, got some tatoos
Got the whiskers, and some claws on his feet
He's a cat and a man with his pride

When you're insane, the options are vast
and surgeons will fall for your story
He's lost my grip but he's having a blast
Though not many people have tried

Chorus
To have a Pelt of the tiger, Grafted onto the skin
Having creepy cat fur in his navel
As the doctors revive him from the operation
And he itches like hell in the pelt of the tiger.

How can he face, all of the heat
Living in California
They laugh and point out in the street
But it's on ridicule that he thrives

{c:Chorus}

Change of name, Be a catman
He got the graft and its gorey
From the distance, he's still just a man
Just a man who has bought his own lies

{c:Chorus}

The eye of the tiger (repeats out)...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 03:45 PM

I reread and decided it needed some revision

Pelt OF THE TIGER by ... DeRider

Pointed at, out in the street
Died his hair, got some tatoos
Got the whiskers, and some claws on his feet
He's a cat of a man with his pride

When you're insane, the options are vast
and surgeons will fall for your story
He's lost his grip but he's having a blast
Though not many people have tried

Chorus
To have a Pelt of the tiger,
Grafted onto the skin
Having creepy cat fur in his navel
As the doctors revive him from the operation
And he itches like hell in the pelt of the tiger.

How can he face, all of the heat
Living in California
They laugh and point out in the street
But it's on ridicule that he thrives

with a Pelt of the tiger, Grafted onto the skin
Having cat leather cover his navel
As the doctors revive him from the operation
And he itches like hell in the pelt of the tiger.

Change of name, Be a catman
He got the graft and its gorey
From the distance, he's still just a man
Just a man who has bought his own lies

with a Pelt of the tiger, Grafted onto his skin
Having cat leather cover his navel
As he walks down the street people laughing at him
And he scratches like hell in the pelt of the tiger.

pelt of the tiger

pelt of the tiger

pelt of the tiger

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 03:49 PM

Thanks Mudelf, Still can't get used to the line break thing......

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 03:50 PM

Wow!!! Clifton, Derry -- I am ROTFLMAO.

Deda -- now we have a handle, let's hit the road!!!

Jack -- Hilarious stuff.

This one is a sure hoot.

A.

Which of you mudelfs has been stealing my messages?

this mudelf hasn't stolen anything . . . are you sure you didn't post to the wrong thread, Amos? -- mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 04:53 PM

Oh boy, Jack the Sailor's on another rowsing roll!! Here ya go, JtS, your Silver B.L.O.B.s for:

A Doo Lynn Ditty supreme:

I've alway been a tiger look upon my orange hair
I'll get it covered under medicare
I'll publicize my story through Springer and the mail
And then I'll be a tiger with a tale.

And for your resounding redux of the 'Pelt' song:

To have a Pelt of the tiger,
Grafted onto the skin
Having creepy cat fur in his navel
As the doctors revive him from the operation
And he itches like hell in the pelt of the tiger.

Gggggrrrreat!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 05:22 PM

I was wondering who would do a "Tony the Tiger" line. Way to go Áine !!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Bradypus
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 07:20 PM

Well, this challenge is one to get your teeth into ...

The tune is Monk's Gate, and the original words were by John Bunyan ...

To Be a Tiger

Who would a tiger be?
Who'd be a big cat?
Who wants the world to see
Stripes are where it's at.
There's no discouragement
Will make me e'er relent
For this is my intent
To be a tiger

For stripes of orange and black
I beg and wheedle
Submit my body to
Tattooist's needle
I never mind the pain
I'll do it once again
And I've an orange mane –
I'll be a tiger

Who would have teeth and claws
Sharp as a razor?
Who heeds the jungle's laws?
Men think I'm crazier
I bask in sun all day
On branch of tree I'll lay
You may think this is play
But I'm a tiger

As Hobbes to Calvin is
Pooh is to Tigger
Shere Khan the hero does –
I'll be still bigger
Tiger, I'm burning bright
In forests of the night
For this is my delight-
To be a tiger

I cannot yet compete
No tiger rampant
To make this work complete
DNA transplant
There surely is the rub –
I'll just eat tiger grub
I'll sire a tiger cub
I'll be a tiger

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 08:43 PM

Marveloo BP!! Love it.

A.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 12 Nov 01 - 09:34 PM

Ah, my darlin' Bradypus -- if I could only get my teeth into you (oh, suits you, sir!) -- ah well, I guess I'll just have to settle for awarding you a Silver B.L.O.B. for setting TGG's teeth on edge with:

As Hobbes to Calvin is
Pooh is to Tigger
Shere Khan the hero does –
I'll be still bigger
Tiger, I'm burning bright
In forests of the night
For this is my delight-
To be a tiger

(tee hee, gotcha goin' there for a minute, didn't I? Dear Hubby is standing over my shoulder reading this, and having a good chuckle . . . guess I'll have to brush my teeth tonight now . . . ;-) )

Well done indeed!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Clifton53
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 01:57 AM

Way to go Brady for bringing Hobbes into the mix, I was trying to work him in but, well, you know.

Thanks Aine, and Amos, Jack, you're as prolific as ever, and Deda, you should be the editor of a rhyming dictionary.
Tuna indeed!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: MMario
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 09:35 AM

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS...

All I want for Christmas is some tiger fur
Some tiger fur
some tiger fur
All I want for Christmas is some tiger fur
So I can be the beast I know that's in me!

I've got the whiskers and I've got the claws
nice sharp claws
nice sharp claws
I've got the whiskers and I've got the claws
I need the fur to be the beast that's in me!

I've got the stripes and the long white teeth
long white teeth
long white teeth
I've got the stripes and the long white teeth
So I can be the beast I know that's in me!

All I want for Christmas is some tiger fur
Some tiger fur
some tiger fur
All I want for Christmas is some tiger fur
So I can be the beast I know that's in me!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 10:38 AM

Dear MMario -- another ggggrrreat Sheila-na-Gig candidate you've got there! ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for your cockle-warming chorus:

All I want for Christmas is some tiger fur
Some tiger fur
some tiger fur
All I want for Christmas is some tiger fur
So I can be the beast I know that's in me!

Purrrrrr, Áine ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Deda
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 11:10 AM

These are SO WONDERFUL, all of 'em. Amos, this guy is a computer programmer in San Diego -- you must KNOW him, right? (As in, "you're from America? Do you know my cousin in Chicago?")

I think we should ping him this thread, he might love it. What was that Robert Burns line --

Ah, should some god the giftee gie us
To see ourselves as others see us!

That's close but surely needs correcting -- anyone?

Anyway, I'm still grinning from reading all these -- makes my co-workers wonder what the hell I'm up to.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 12:31 PM

Ah Ha!

. . . I'm still grinning from reading all these -- makes my co-workers wonder what the hell I'm up to.

Just the effect we long for here at Challenge! Central!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Kim C
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 01:11 PM

Really great efforts here, y'all. Speaking as a tattooed person, however, I must say, the whole thing is Just Plain Weird. Reminds me of Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. brrrrrrr

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 01:45 PM

Dating this Cat, (Al 2000 Stewart)

Waiting for a Sci Fi movie, She was trying to cut in the line,
She went strolling through the crowd like Michelle Phiefer, looking so feline
She was dressed like a cat, she was so durned phat that their lives would never be the same
She didn't bother even to ask him, she just squeezed right in and said I'm Dating this Cat

She didn't give him time to question as she locked up his arm in hers
And he touches her in places we won't mention. until she purs
With striped tattoos, grafted whiskers too he tells her what he wants to do
"One day," he says, "I'll get a pelt grafted too"
because you're dating a cat

{c:Bridge} Well, she looks at you so coolly and her eyes shine cause she's very angry
She is insensed and unruly, Til she comes to realize
She is DATING A CAT.

Well, morning comes and she's still with him, and her reservations are gone
He is neater and cleaner than all other men so she's keeping him on
But he cleans up his sheds and she never dreads the litter box in the way.
She knows some day he'll scratch the furniture, but for now she's gonna stay
Dating this cat.

{c: Repeat and fade}

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 02:14 PM

Yet ANOTHER Sheila-na-Gig cockle-warmer!! Oh, JtS, ya got me with that one! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Well, morning comes and she's still with him, and her reservations are gone
He is neater and cleaner than all other men so she's keeping him on
But he cleans up his sheds and she never dreads the litter box in the way.
She knows some day he'll scratch the furniture, but for now she's gonna stay
Dating this cat.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 13 Nov 01 - 10:30 PM

Well, I have to say that you've all inspired me yet again . . . to go out and chop down some trees in the yard and start my compost heap . . . ;-) So, before I start shoveling things again (oh no! they cried), here are the Chips for your Cat Man songs -- and whether they were compelling, catty or kinky, they were all excellent! Cudos and congrats and beaucoups thanks to all my darlin' Challenge!rs . . . Áine


Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

To Be a Tiger by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

If I Only Had A Pelt by Deda
If I Were a Sabre-Tooth by Amos
Pelt Of the Tiger by DeRider (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

Tyger I Hardly Knew Ye by derrymacash

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):

I Am A Tiger With No Tail by Jack the Sailor

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

All I Want for Christmas by Mmario
Bengali Benny by Clifton53
Dating This Cat by Al 2000 Stewart (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)
If I Was A Tiger by McGrath of Harlow

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 08:48 AM

There ya go, Deda!! Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon!! I expect to see it on yourmantelpiece next time I visit!!

LOL. Wonderful challenge, TGG -- it is just great to see you're back in the saddle.

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 09:55 AM

And of course the

shining silver sandbox

for combining the scatological with the catological in a charming nad funny manner goes to.

Bitter Sweet Revenge by Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 68
From: Áine
Date: 14 Nov 01 - 10:00 AM

Thank you, dear Jack! And I'd like to accept the S.S.S. on behalf of all the little cats who helped make me what I am today -- Bonzai (the late and great Siamese), Tigger, Maxie, and her brother, Jack.

Hugs and snogs, Áine