Song Challenge! - Part 70

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Áine
Date: 27 Nov 01 - 06:48 PM

OK, Challenge!rs -- Here are your Chips (with chili and cheese - a/k/a Frito Pie!) for jobs well done. Cudos and congrats to all, and keep an eye out for Challenge! 71 coming up soon. ;-)

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Horse With No Wins by Jack the Sailor
Zippy Chippy by Clifton53
Zippy's First Win by The Loyal Horseman (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Chippy Zippy by Deda
Old Zip by McGrath of Harlow

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Come All You Gambling Lads by derrymacash
Me Name's Zippy Chippy by derrymacash


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Áine
Date: 27 Nov 01 - 09:02 AM

Oops! indeed ;-) This thread not only 'fell off', but shorty the Mudcat server took a turkey day vacation as well! So, my dear Challenge!rs, now that Max & Co. are back, here's your chance to show us all those 'Zippy' lyrics you were working on so hard for the last few days . . . Tomorrow is another day and another Challenge!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Áine
Date: 23 Nov 01 - 09:54 AM

Oops - Looks like we fell off the 24-hour list of threads. So, if anyone feels 'Zippy' today, go forth, sit down, take pen in hand, and emote thyself in song -- We'll be loading up and heading out tomorrow for another Challenge! on the horizon . . . ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Áine
Date: 21 Nov 01 - 09:57 PM

Hey Jack -- that one's a hoot and a half! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for this wondermous verse:

Well we'll never know, what happened that time
Why the horse edged him out at the end of the line
Some say the distance was a little too far
Some say that Darrell went and bought a new car


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Nov 01 - 10:46 AM

Here's a little holiday season tribute, to the tune of Snoopy's Christmas by the Royal Guardsmen.

Zippy's First Win, Loyal Horseman

The bets had gone down on this mangy old horse
He was facing a human, down on the course
It's as sad as can be if he can't beat a man
And Jose only said he'd do the best that he can

Was a night before baseball they'd run Forty yards
And Zippy was game, yes he tried really hard
But he was afraid from his head to his toes
Jose Herrera edged him out by a nose

REFRAIN
Long shot bets those long shot bets
Placed on that old nag
The bookies couldn't let him win
Cause they would hold the bag

Next year came Darnell, in a fifty yard race
He'd just better win, or else he'd lose face
Zippy was certian to go to defeat
when Darnel Cried out, You got me beat!

Long shot bets those long shot bets
Placed on that old nag
The bookies couldn't let him win
Cause they would hold the bag

Well we'll never know, what happened that time
Why the horse edged him out at the end of the line
Some say the distance was a little too far
Some say that Darrell went and bought a new car

The odds on the race were a thousand to one
and let us not say that Darrell was dumb
If he'd bet on the horse, before on whim
Then he could win big, if he let the nag win

ten, twenty, thirty, forty eighty or more
Old Zippy Chirpy had built up his lore
The losingest racehorse that there's every been
Imagine the payday if he happened to win!

Long shot bets those long shot bets
Placed on that old nag
The bookies couldn't let him win
Cause they would hold the bag

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Áine
Date: 21 Nov 01 - 09:35 AM

Well, here I thought I might be beating a dead horse with this Challenge!, and here you all come up with some more great songs. ;-) Here are your Silver B.L.O.B.s, my dear Challenge!rs:

To derrymacash, for these cockle-warming lines ('mount of a queen' - I love it! I'm definitely going to try that line on Dear Hubby...):

"Oh Zippy," he said, "for the rest of your days
You could kick your oul' heels, you would live at your aise
In pastures where grass grows so lush and so green
You could live out your life like the mount of a queen"

To Jack the Sailor for this verse ('baseball players and long shot prayers' -- wonderful!):

After ten years we gave another try
'cause the horse it was starting to cry
There were baseball players and long shot prayers
There were people betting on a snail
A person has a fair race if it don't go to far
The handicappers had it pegged
A slow horse can win at fifty yards
Because the human has only got two legs.

To Deda, for her interspecies introspection with:

He doesn't gallop, he can barely mosey
He lost a footrace to a guy named Jose
Slow as turtles watching wall paint dry
He finally won one on his 90th try

And to 'Master McGrath', for this Golden B.L.O.B. winner of a verse:

So all you nags who've never won,
Mary Carter's not the only one,
who still can rise, surpris-
-ing all those smiling bastards


Fantastic job, everyone!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 06:17 PM

Hey! Poetic license is built into the Consitution Of the Free States of Song Challenge by the TGG. I'm sure I heard her say that.

Let dull fact, to the creation of true song, Be no impediment!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: MMario
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 09:20 AM

see? no incentive to win.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 07:26 AM

But this poor lad Zippy was a gelding...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 11:30 PM

Well, have to give this one some thought, but for the ailing Moose, my absolute favourite racehorse song:

Oh, I'd rather been born a racehorse
Yeah, that'd be a pretty good go
With a trainer and a ninety pound jockey
Who'd ride for a minute or so
I'd win the daily double
The tri-fecta and the exact-or
'Cause I know what a stud farm is
And motivation would be a significant factor!
~Red Green

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 06:14 PM

See what I said? Can't keep the man down.

But take it easy. For now anyway.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Amos
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 06:08 PM

Thanks everybody! You're doing great! I don't have as much energy as usual so I'm letting this one go by without a bet. But if I were to write one it would focus on the mysterious genetics of a horse who claimed the blood of a thoroughbred while performing like a mule. Midnight backdoor parties at the stable?

Tell ya what -- if you get a choice stay away from P-neumonia. It's the devil's own ride. Kind of like a Disneyland boatride though hell. Could be a song there, huh?

Disney does Dante...

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 02:39 PM

Thanks Genie,

Sorry to hear of your illness Amos. Get Well!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Genie
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 02:04 PM

Yeah, Amos, get well soon!

Genie

Áine, if you're still going on this one after Thanksgiving, I'll trot out my writing crop and give this one once around the track. No time till then.

I like the "horse with no wins" concept, BTW!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 01:43 PM

(A horse named Bill)

I had a horse, and his name was Zip,
and when he ran he'd have a real good kip,
and so of course
the horse
's all would run on past him.

Old Zip he always did his best,
but his best was bad, I must confess.
He never won one time,
and sure all the bookies loved him.

Since racing horse's was no go,
I took him to the County Show,
but all the pigs and the cows and the ducks
could always beat him.

So I took him down to the baseball ground,
to give him one last run around,
and then the cat's meat man
could sell him to MacDonalds.

Said a baseball man called Darnell Duck,
"If I beat that horse 'twould bring me luck",
and so a race was set,
and the bookies all were cheering.

Oh the race was long and the race was hard,
and the race was all of fifty yards,
"Oh God, I'm done,
old son"
And Zip came in the winner.

So all you nags who've never won,
Mary Carter's not the only one,
who still can rise,
surpris-
-ing all those smiling bastards

Oh I had a horse, his name was Zip,
and I thought that he had lost his grip,
but in the end,
my friend,
Old Zip he was a winner.

Get Well Soon Amos! (I bet he'll write a couple of songs out of the Pneumonia anyway.)

html link fixed by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: SharonA
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 12:48 PM

*SIDEBAR* Speaking of animals (not you, Amos!), I saw a documentary last night that featured the fowl subject of one of Áines Challenge!s: the inimitable Mike the Rooster. See "SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 22" for a description!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 11:35 AM

Thanks for the info, Aine.

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: GUEST,Deda
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 11:15 AM

Don't know why my reset cookie still shows me as guest, and damn, this is a hell of a way to find out me own dear brother is sick. Anyway, here's a little offering from the lower ranks of the clan:

Chippy Zippy -- to the tune of "Short People" by Randy Newman, the Great (Note: by poetic licence, the name Jose here kinda rhymes with Josie. ;o/)

Chippy Zippy got no reason
Chippy Zippy got no reason
Chippy Zippy got no reason to run

He got Spindley legs, he got ugly hooves
All he ever does is lose, lose, lose
Gonna take him out to old Islama -
Bad and hand him off to mean Osama
Chippy Zippy got no reason to run

Chippy Zippy is just as good as you or me
And fools such as we
Maybe he just got lost or he had to pee
He's a beautiful soul

Chippy Zippy got no reason
Chippy Zippy got no reason
Chippy Zippy got no reason to run

He doesn't gallop, he can barely mosey
He lost a footrace to a guy named Jose
Slow as turtles watching wall paint dry
He finally won one on his 90th try

Don't let no Chip-Zippy

Can't have no Chip-Zippy

Won't let no Chip-Zippy run here

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: SharonA
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 11:02 AM

All my best hopes for a quick recovery to Amos; get well soon!

I have an ideer for this; I just need to find time to write it!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 10:47 AM

Horse With No Wins

Well I've always been a Jockey
Around horses all my life
There were Nags, glue bags, ponys and bets
There were really expensive pets

The worse one I met Zippy Chirpy
That horse could never win
the hooves were big and the legs were slow
That nag couldn't beat a drum

I've been in a sweepstake on a horse with no wins
A horse no one would claim
Don't even bother to put down a fin
Cause the race is over before it begins
la la la la lalala la la la la la

After nine years without a win
They put a person against the horse
And the outcome was such a sin
Race wasn't too hard just forty yards
But the human won the heat of course

I've been in a sweepstake on a horse with no wins
A horse no one would claim
Don't even bother to put down a fin
Cause the race is over before it begins
la la la la lalala la la la la la

After ten years we gave another try
'cause the horse it was starting to cry
There were baseball players and long shot prayers
There were people betting on a snail
A person has a fair race if it don't go to far
The handicappers had it pegged
A slow horse can win at fifty yards
Because the human has only got two legs.

I've been in a sweepstake on a horse with no wins
A horse no one would claim
Don't even bother to put down a fin
Cause the race is over before it begins
la la la la lalala la la la la la

duplicate message and note deleted per request by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 10:34 AM

All the best to Amos for a speedy recovery!

The following is to the tune of a song about dog-racing, (wrong species, I know, but who cares!) and which is associated with the town, Lurgan, in whose hinterlands is to be found the townland of Derrymacash, "Master McGrath".

Me name's Zippy Chippy, but sadly my name
Belies the cruel fact that my chief claim to fame
Is that "zippy" is something I sadly am not
My gallop is slower than most horses' trot

In each race I've entered I've finished the course
After the post has been passed by each horse
I'm gracious defeated, I don't stomp or pout
Or rear up on my hind legs like some other mounts

I know I'm a burden, I know I'm a drain
My owner is kindly, he never complains
With my lack of success he cannot be pleased
'Bout my lack of success he is tortured and teased

Zippy, he said, my options are few
I've done all I can to stay faithful to you
But times they are hard, and my money is low
And soon to the knacker I must bid you go

We pondered in silence this prospect so grim
His bitter tears coursed from his cheek to his chin
"Ah Zippy", he said, "we've shared many a load
But now, I'm afraid, it's the end of the road"

My life flashed in front; my days as a foal,
Then out with my trainer for a mid-morning stroll
The crush in the paddock, the roar of the crowd
As the pack hits the straight on the last lap around

"Oh, master," I said, "if you bet house and land
On my winning a race and it all went to plan
And the bookie paid odds of say, fifteen-to-one
How would you treat me if, let's say, I won?"

"Oh Zippy," he said, "for the rest of your days
You could kick your oul' heels, you would live at your aise
In pastures where grass grows so lush and so green
You could live out your life like the mount of a queen"

"Well, bedammit," I says, "d'ye mind that oul' brag
Who said he would take on any oul' nag?
Take up his challenge, I won't let you down
This time oul' Zippy will garner the crown!"

The bookie he sneered when asked what's the odds
He laughed at my owner and snarled "Holy God!
That bag of oul' bones! Take heed of my tip
Don't go puttin' no money on oul' Zippy Chip"

But when pushed to declare, he gave us fifteens
And my man bet the very extent of his means
And we lined up to race, he couldn't bear look
But I flew like the wind from the first step I took

Away like white lightning I ran from the start
I ran straight and true, I was just like a dart
The crowd they were willing me home to the post
And I wiped the floor with that dirty oul' boast!

In pastures of plenty I roam wild and free
No horsey was ever more feted than me
Forget your oul' Arkle, forget your Red Rum
I'm a national hero for decades to come

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Áine
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 08:56 AM

No, my dear Challenge!rs, I haven't scarpered off again ;-) -- My computer went belly up on Saturday, and Dear Hubby (with Pene Azul's wonderful help) has restored (kinda) my C drive, so I'm now able to get on the Net. The bad news is that the newly reloaded Windows refuses to see my other drives -- yep, where your wonderful songs, stories and Challenge!s are stored, as well as my html editing program. Dear Hubby will be out to the computer store today to obtain a program that might fix things. If not, then we'll have to pull the hard disc and take to a 'real geek' to lay hands upon it . . . Now, don't anyone freak out -- the data is still there, I just can't get to it as of yet. Hold a good thought for my config files, please. ;-)

Now, my lengthy tale of woe off my chest, here are the Silver B.L.O.B.s for the two wonderful submissions above:

To derrymacash for his Sheila-na-Gig worthy (snif, snif):

All you who've bet your rent
And never won a cent
I pity all the grief that you endure
For every race I start
Leaves me with a broken heart
The shame and guilt I don't know how to cure


And to Clifton53 for these picturesque lines:

Well I put a pile on Zippy
I'm thinkin' it's a breeze
But when the gates flew open Zippy fell right to his knees
I tell 'ya
Don't bet on Zippy Chippy
Don't bet on 'ol Zippy
He'll burn your money in your face


-- Áine

(P.S. Our dear Amos has been diagnosed with pneumonia, so he'll be sitting this Challenge! (and maybe more) out. Everyone hold a good thought for him, one of the Mudcat Masters of Music and Mayhem, and wish him a speedy recovery, OK?)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 12:16 AM

Puir thing!I hope one of those places which takes unwanted horses will give him a home, away from such humiliation.**BG**

Great doings already, guys!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Clifton53
Date: 18 Nov 01 - 05:28 PM

Zippy Chippy (Tune is Heartbreak Hotel}

Well I put some dough on Zippy
A fine and noble horse
But when the bell rang Zippy he ran backwards 'round the course
Dont bet on Zippy Chippy
Don't bet on 'ol Zippy
He'll chew your dollars one by one

Well Zippy started slowly
Let the other horses pass
And then he turned and threw the bloody jockey on his ass
Don't bet on Zippy Chippy
Don't bet on 'ol Zippy
The only horse that cannot run

Well I put a pile on Zippy
I'm thinkin' it's a breeze
But when the gates flew open Zippy fell right to his knees
I tell 'ya
Don't bet on Zippy Chippy
Don't bet on 'ol Zippy
He'll burn your money in your face

Well I bet more dough on Zippy
At thirty-five to one
But nobody would tell me Zippy only runs for fun
I tell 'ya
Don't bet on Zippy Chippy
Don't bet on 'ol Zippy
For he's a horse that just can't race

Well Zippy raced a human
I figured what the heck
But Zippy was so slow he only beat him by a neck
Don't bet on Zippy Chippy
Don't bet on 'ol Zippy
He'll break your heart and leave you flat

Well Zippy finally won it
I had the ticket in my hand
But he's only two lengths faster than Harry, Dick or Stan
I tell 'ya
Don't bet on Zippy Chippy
Don't bet on 'ol Zippy
And that's my story, yes that's that

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 18 Nov 01 - 04:59 PM

Since the Curragh is famous in Ireland for horse-racing, training, etc. I've set the following to the tune of "The Curragh Of Kildare". I'm not particularly proud of this one ... but, sure, it'll get the ball rolling!

Come all you gambling lads
Who've ever lost your wad
On nags like me that never should have run
Come listen to my song
I shan't detain you long
It's the only race thus far I've ever won

I'm longish in the tooth
And I've lost the bloom of youth
I'm skinny and I'm gammy and I'm lame
I've never led the pack
I've been always at the back
Hardened gamblers flinch to hear my name

All you who've bet your rent
And never won a cent
I pity all the grief that you endure
For every race I start
Leaves me with a broken heart
The shame and guilt I don't know how to cure

The trainer said one day
Since you cannot pay your way
I'm gonna have to boil you down for glue
If you'd only win one race
Then I'd give a little grace
And I put you out to grass for a year or two

Oh, now master dear I cried
I would like my final ride
To be a race where I might taste success
So please, I beg of you
Pit my four legs against two
It's the only chance I have of being best

We started on the chase
He set a tidy pace
He tested all my stamina and strength
When we were halfway round
I started losing ground
And soon he was leading by a length

But then the jockey cracked
The whip across my back
A stroke that put some vim into my stride
And at the winning line
The victory was mine
I nearly fainted with the rush of pride

Come all you gambling lads
Who've ever lost your wad
On nags like me that never should have run
Come listen to my song
I shan't detain you long
It's the only race thus far I've ever won

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Áine
Date: 18 Nov 01 - 03:26 PM

Refresh . . .

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Clifton53
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 07:44 PM

No doubt I have seen this horse chewing gleefully on my dollars. I'll have to get back later on this, as a losing horse fills me with remorse.

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 03:23 PM

While we are waiting for the invariably brillant response:

She was only a stableman's daughter
But all the horsemen knew her.

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 70
From: Áine
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 02:22 PM

Here we go for the Big 7-0!! I looked for an 'inspiring' story for this Challenge!, and I hope that you all like it. NOTE: The tune to 'Stewball Was A Racehorse' is BANNED from this Challenge! (You'll see why in a second). So, go for it, darlin' Challenge!rs ;-)

-- Áine

Shoot For The Moon - If You Miss, You'll Still Land Among The Stars . . . -- A horse who has lost 89 consecutive races has finally won one, against a human.

Zippy Chippy holds the North American record for the number of races lost by a thoroughbred.

But he finally ended his losing streak by taking on a two-legged challenger.

The 10-year-old gelding beat a minor league baseball player in a handicap match race billed as Man versus Beast II. It was held before the International League game between the Rochester Red Wings and Ottawa Lynx in Rochester, New York state.

He saw off Red Wings outfielder Darnell McDonald by a length in a 50-yard race.

"I might have got him at 40 yards, but that extra 10 yards put him over the hump," said McDonald, who added he had never lost a race to a human.

Last year Rochester outfielder Jose Herrera outran Zippy Chippy in a 40-yard race.

"Zippy was ready today," jockey Jorge Hiraldo said. "Last year he was a little scared."