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Song Challenge! - Part 71

Áine 28 Nov 01 - 09:39 AM
wysiwyg 28 Nov 01 - 09:41 AM
Aidan Crossey 28 Nov 01 - 11:32 AM
Fibula Mattock 28 Nov 01 - 11:37 AM
Fibula Mattock 28 Nov 01 - 11:56 AM
Jack the Sailor 28 Nov 01 - 12:35 PM
Jack the Sailor 28 Nov 01 - 12:40 PM
mousethief 28 Nov 01 - 01:05 PM
SINSULL 28 Nov 01 - 02:14 PM
Áine 28 Nov 01 - 02:41 PM
McGrath of Harlow 28 Nov 01 - 02:44 PM
MMario 28 Nov 01 - 03:08 PM
Áine 28 Nov 01 - 03:24 PM
Amos 28 Nov 01 - 03:28 PM
Áine 28 Nov 01 - 03:40 PM
Jack the Sailor 28 Nov 01 - 05:17 PM
Jack the Sailor 28 Nov 01 - 05:48 PM
McGrath of Harlow 28 Nov 01 - 07:18 PM
Amos 28 Nov 01 - 08:03 PM
Áine 29 Nov 01 - 12:03 AM
Clifton53 29 Nov 01 - 09:44 AM
Jack the Sailor 29 Nov 01 - 09:49 AM
Amos 29 Nov 01 - 09:59 AM
MMario 29 Nov 01 - 09:27 PM
Amos 29 Nov 01 - 10:18 PM
MMario 30 Nov 01 - 08:28 AM
Áine 30 Nov 01 - 09:57 AM
Clifton53 30 Nov 01 - 11:48 AM
Amos 30 Nov 01 - 01:45 PM
mousethief 30 Nov 01 - 02:26 PM
MMario 30 Nov 01 - 02:57 PM
Amos 30 Nov 01 - 04:54 PM
mousethief 30 Nov 01 - 06:31 PM
catspaw49 30 Nov 01 - 06:35 PM
mousethief 30 Nov 01 - 06:39 PM
Deda 30 Nov 01 - 10:48 PM
Deda 30 Nov 01 - 11:23 PM
MMario 01 Dec 01 - 07:56 AM
Áine 01 Dec 01 - 08:58 AM
Deda 01 Dec 01 - 07:44 PM
Áine 01 Dec 01 - 10:20 PM
Amos 02 Dec 01 - 10:54 AM
Áine 02 Dec 01 - 02:16 PM
Amos 02 Dec 01 - 03:28 PM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Áine
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 09:39 AM

This Challenge! is short, but it has a lot a potential ;-) Hope you all like it, and I'm looking forward to the fruits of your musical mental meanderings . . .

Thay That Again, You Thwollen Thongue Thevil -- A jury in Tavares, Florida, convicted Leal Fleming, 45, of drunk driving in November, despite his insistence that the reason he slurred his words to a police officer, and couldn't breathe into a breathalyzer, was that he had just been bitten on the tongue by a rat snake and was on his way to a hospital to get treatment for the swelling. Said Fleming after the trial, "After the verdict came in, I had some second thoughts (about not taking an offered plea bargain), but I still think there was a point to our defense."

Go for it, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 09:41 AM

Thpeak to me only with thine eyeth?

~S~


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 11:32 AM

The following is to the tune of "The Humours of Whisky" as sung by - amongst others - the highly estimable Tim Lyons. When not set to words the tune, a double jig, is known as Larry O'Gaff.

Before anyone points it out, I know that the events in the song don't correspond directly with those described by Áine in her original challenge ... but that's the way it goes with me, I'm afraid. I have a tendency to transpose all these challenges back to Ireland and since there aren't any snakes there, I've had to improvise.

Anyway enough apologising ... here goes

It's the job of a cop
On occasions to stop
The man with a drop
Of elect-a-ric soup.
As it courses his veinways
He cruises the laneways
Seeking in vain ways
To regain his coop.
When you see the red light
In the black of the night
Your heart pounds with fright
As you come to a halt.
"Mister I'm thinking
That you have been drinking
For your breath it is stinking
Of Guinness and malt!"

On the evening in question
At a good friend's suggestion
And after digesting
A hearty good tay
I got into my car
(Although not going far)
And to Farrelly's Bar
I straight made my way
Bushmills and porter
From then till last orders
I have to record that
I drunk like a fish
When the evening was over
More steamin' than sober
I fell into my motor
Three-quarters pished!

Home was in sight
When I saw the red light
And me thinking "Oh, shite!
It's me licence for sure"
I called upon Jesus
And other big cheeses;
The dirty polices
I christened them hoors
"Can I help you, thir?"
I decided to purr
But out with a slur
My question did slip
"The aroma of beer
That is coming from here
Gives me good cause, I fear
To suspect you of drink!"

"And besides" on he went
"The alcohol scent,
Your drunken accent
Gives me cause for concern."
"I mutht confeth
To thome trouble with eth-es
The cauthe of thith meth ith
Thomething you will now learn.
While eating me tea
A dirty great bee
Wath flying, you thee
In a thweep round me head.
I hit it a thmack
Thuch a bloody big crack
It lit on itth back
And I thought it wath dead."

"But far from detheeathed
Thith buzzy wee beatht
Produthed from itth sheath
A dirty great thting
And up like a rocket
The thting from hith thocket
He thraightaway thtuck it
Right into my chin"
"Tell that to the judge!
I'll not fall for such fudge.
This car will not budge
Now give me the keys.
Me oul' breathalyser
Will sort truth from lies, sir
You'll be saying goodbye, sir
To your liberty"

Ah come all ye big boozers
Don't become sad oul' losers
Fine words of truth are
"Don't drink and drive"
And if caught out, like me
Enter a guilty plea
Make no enemy
Of the beast from the hive!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 11:37 AM

was he drinking snakebite, heh heh? (sorry!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 11:56 AM

To the tune of the "Hippy hippy shake" with all appropriate apologies (it's Wednesday evening/I'm tired/ the dog ate my brain)...

For guiness sake
I was bitten by a snake
Bit by a snake
It was a tongue-biting snake

I can't talk straight
Cos I'm bitten by a snake
Now I'm getting my thrills
Down on the interstate
Don't tell me I'm a fake (ow!)
Bitten by a snake
Yaaarrrgh!

You shake it to the left
You shake it to the right
You try to speak the words
But your tongue won't say them right
You shake
You got bit by a snake
There's one thing I can't break
(...and that's the law)

and finish up with...
Snake it up baby now
(Snake it up baby!)
Pissed* and out
(Pissed and out)
C'mon, c'mon c'mon baby now
(C'mon baby)
Bit in the mouth
Bit in the mouth...



(*being the Uk version of "pissed", i.e. drunk)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 12:35 PM

Here is a tribute to one of my favourite storytelling songwriters.

Rath thnakes are Nathty Whem Theyth Bithe Youth onth de Tonguth. (Old Dogs and Children and Watermelon Wine)

"Howth Drunth doith youith Thinith I hamb?
I said I don't really know
"I wasth bithen by a thnake aboudt two hourth aglo"
I was a jail in Tavares, charged with raising hell
When this dude by nam a' Flemming was tossed into my cell

"Effer bin bith by a Rat thnake?" he asked
I sad no but a bumble bee once stung me on the ass
Uninvited he say down and opened up his jaw
His tongue was so swolen it filled up his whole maw

He said "I wasth on my wayth to the hosthpithal
When the sherrif stopped my car
He said "Son you're weaving. Did you just come from a bar?"
I said I wasn't drinking "I didn'th haveth a one"
But "Rath thnakes are Nathty Whem Theyth Bithe Youth onth de Tonguth."

"the sherrif thaid I was thluring, I thaid I couldn't helpth mythelf."
He Thaid, All thith drinkthing isthint healfy fo yo helf"
He thaid "I'm gonna jail youth cause I don'th belief youy thon,"
About "Rath thnakes are Nathty Whem Theyth Bithe Youth onth de Tonguth."

As he spoke my cellmate's speech really became more clear
and his story's telling was easier to hear
He was under pressure and it wasn't any fun
cause "Rat snakes are nasty when they bite you on the tongue."

The cops they gave him coffee in a paper cup
So when he spoke so normal, they'd thought he'd sobered up
He should have taken pictures of the wound between his gums
cause"Rat snakes are nasty when they bite you on the tongue."

The prosecutor at his trial, one question he did pose.
"How did you and rat snake, get facing nose to nose?"
The implication of this question from which he could not run
"Rat snakes are nasty when they bite you on the tongue."


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 12:40 PM

I like it Fibula!!

Good one derry especially "I fell into my motor Three-quarters pished" One question though, If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: mousethief
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 01:05 PM

Serpent Love
Tune: intro: the intro to Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer, sort of. body of song: Charles Gitaeau

From Adam and Eve to fife-players in turbans
The world's been entranced by those magical serpents
And I, for my part, have succumbed to the spell
And now I'm in jail for I knew one too well
Just listen to me and my story I'll tell...

My name is Leal Fleming, I'm 45 years old
But since I was a laddie, human ladies left me cold
I couldn't find much interest in Jane or Jill or Mabel
But I found "love," unlikely though it seems, where I was able

The scaly skin of salamanders gave me such a thrill
The glimmer of a skink would turn me on and always will
But ever more than lizards to my bosom I would take
Is the love of nature's long and lovely lover-pet, the snake

Yes now with a lean and lanky lady as my mate
I'll leave the lizard world and with a snake cohabitate
But late one night while we were busy kissing on the couch
She grew annoyed and bit my tongue while hers was in my mouth

It instantly grew numb, and I knew that I must flee
To hospital where they could give the antidote to me
I stumbled off into my car with eyesight blurred and swimming
And drove off down the road, which was dark and quickly dimming

The venom creeping to my brain, I feared I'd soon be dead
When the sound of police sirens started screaming in my head
I thought I was delirious till I looked in my mir-ror
And saw red and blue lights flash, so to the shoulder I did steer 'er.

The officer accosted me and said I was a lush
I couldn't hardly think; my brains were turning into mush
My speech was slurred and halting, just like a drunken stammer
So he threw me in the car and hustled me off to the slammer

Now that I'm still alive today I can't imagine why
For I never got the antidote, and should've ought to die
But when they sent me home on bail I took that no-good snake
And drowned her ass (such as it is) the next day in the lake

And since then I've been thinkin' maybe ladies ain't too bad
I may have made a bad mistake back when I was a lad
I've dated sev'ral ladies since that time and I have found
That they are warm and comforting and nice to have around

So listen, young men, to my song, and learn from my sad fate
And never take it in your mind to make love to a snake
Though they be slim and slender, and nice to touch and hold
They'll bite you in the g******ed tongue, and you'll drive like you're drunk, get pulled over, talk in a slurred voice and fail to take the breathalyser test, and be arrested and driven off to jail and convicted of drunk driving, like me, before you're 46 years old.
Trust me on this.

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 02:14 PM

HMMMM. Jack the Sailor speaks with forked tongue...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Áine
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 02:41 PM

Ah derry, ya thlay me thon! Here's your Golden B.L.O.B. for:

"But far from detheeathed
Thith buzzy wee beatht
Produthed from itth sheath
A dirty great thting
And up like a rocket
The thting from hith thocket
He thraightaway thtuck it
Right into my chin"
"Tell that to the judge!
I'll not fall for such fudge.
This car will not budge
Now give me the keys.
Me oul' breathalyser
Will sort truth from lies, sir
You'll be saying goodbye, sir
To your liberty"


And Fibula, here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for taking me back to the sounds of The Cellar with:

You shake it to the left
You shake it to the right
You try to speak the words
But your tongue won't say them right
You shake
You got bit by a snake
There's one thing I can't break
(...and that's the law)


And here's your Silver B.L.O.B., dear JacktS, for bringing tears to my eyes with:

"the sherrif thaid I was thluring, I thaid I couldn't helpth mythelf."
He Thaid, All thith drinkthing isthint healfy fo yo helf"
He thaid "I'm gonna jail youth cause I don'th belief youy thon,"
About "Rath thnakes are Nathty Whem Theyth Bithe Youth onth de Tonguth."


And mousethief -- I love it! -- and here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for this slinkey 'sonnet' (and for using the word 'skink'!):

The scaly skin of salamanders gave me such a thrill
The glimmer of a skink would turn me on and always will
But ever more than lizards to my bosom I would take
Is the love of nature's long and lovely lover-pet, the snake



Way to go, dear Challenge!rs!! Keep 'em comin'!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 02:44 PM

I decided to believe the man.

I will tell you a tale of injustice writ large
Put me here in this gaol for being drunk and in charge.
And for all I protest I'm an innocent man,
They tell me I'd best tell the truth while I can.

But it's truth and I swear, and it isn't a lie
If you listen you'll hear, and you'll understand why
I went driving too fast, and I couldn't explain.
'Twas that snake in the glass made my talking too strange.

I went out for a drink with a couple of friends,
And already you'll think that you know how it ends.
I was stood by the bar, that is true sure enough,
but I was driving the car, so the drinking was off.

With me back to a glass that was alcohol free
I stood and discoursed how the world ought to be
and I gave them some tips, then I turned round once more
Raised my glass to my lips - and I fell to the floor.

For some snake it had creeped from the Florida grass
it had taken a sleep in my half empty glass.
And I'll tell you the truth without any disguise,
I was bit by the tooth of that Father of Lies.

I rushed and I staggered without much delay,
With me tongue getting bigger each step of the way
And I drove like the devil to get to the doc
When a policeman pulled level, and forced me to stop.

"I'm going to the doctor" I said very clear.
But me tongue was so slaughtered it came out so queer.
I cried and I cackled and showed my distress,
And they soon had me shackled "resisting arrest".

In the court house I swore I was straight as a judge
But a Florida jury - that didn't mean much.
Then I stuck out my tongue in a desperate attempt -
And in gaol I was flung for some kind of contempt.

So now I've had my say, and I hope you believe,
And when I am set free this cruel country I'll leave -
Back to Ireland I think I will fly there so fast,
Where a man gets a drink, not a snake in his glass.

It'd fit to either of the tunes used for the song of my namesake, Master McGrath.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 03:08 PM

LAMIA
(tune:'Maria' - West Side Story)

The most poisonous woman I ever met
Lamia, Lamia, Lamia, Lamia...
All the venomous things of the world in a single girl
Lamia, Lamia, Lamia, Lamia
LAMIA!
I just kissed a girl named Lamia!
and suddenly my tongue
will never be the same
again!
Lamia!
half a girl, half a serpent woman
and kissing now it seems
will never be the same
for me!
Lamia!
Thay it thoft,I have trouble thaying
Thay it loud and therth thpittle thpraying
Lamia!
Now I'll never thtop lithping Lamia!
The motht poithonous woman in the entire world
Lamia!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Áine
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 03:24 PM

Well, you guys are just amazin'! You just keep gettin' better and better . . . More Silver B.L.O.B.s goin' out to

McGrath of Harlow for yet another masterpiece of musical meandering:

So now I've had my say, and I hope you believe,
And when I am set free this cruel country I'll leave -
Back to Ireland I think I will fly there so fast,
Where a man gets a drink, not a snake in his glass.



And to MMario, for the really thweet thoulful thoundth of hith mythical:

Lamia!
Thay it thoft, I have trouble thaying
Thay it loud and therth thpittle thpraying
Lamia!
Now I'll never thtop lithping Lamia!
The motht poithonous woman in the entire world
Lamia!



Wow! ;-)

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 03:28 PM

A humble and hasty entry for the TGG's sake:

A Snake-Bit Tongue

Tune: Hell-Bound Train

A Texas cowboy in a Florida bar,
Had drank until his brain was tar;
Keeled over on that barroom floor
His jaws wide open and startin' to snore

Down under the floorboards, a rat-snake slept
Ratsnake dreams, runnin' through his rat-snake head
When the floor starting shaking with a sound like a drum
The snoring of the drinker and the smell of old rum.

That snake was startled, and badly jarred,
He kinda unsprung without thinking too hard,
Through a knothole where that rummy had his big shnozzer hung,
And he left that cowhand with a snake-bit tongue!!

Well, Old Jack to his woozy feet did leap,
The ratsnake, he wandered back to bed to sleep;
Jack's jaw was stinging and his eyes did ache,
And his tongue felt as thick as a sirloin steak!

He grabbed for some water to cool his head,
But his tongue kept on swelling like Cajun bread,
It grew and it throbbed like a bleeder's lung,
He was bound for hell with that snake-bit tongue!

His boiler was filled with that red-eye rum,
And the devil was calling him to Kingdom Come;
There was only one place he could think to run --
To an ICU with his snake-bit tongue!

So he flew from the bar and into his truck,
Tore down the Coast Road like he was lightnin' struck,
His tongue kept on swelling and turning blue,.
When he saw those flashers in his old rear-view.

When he finally stopped, in spite of all his pain,
And the cop strolled up and asked him to explain,
All he could muster was "Thee, it's thith way, thun"
Cuz he couldn't talk turkey with a snake bit tongue!

Well the ossifer had him step outside the car,
And breath in a tube, but it was much too hard,
"Well stick out your tongue and put your hand on your nose!"
The officer challenged, as his temper rose.

Well Jack had his finger up and opened up his jaw,
And the copped was stunned by the sight he saw!
Old Jack's mouth unfolded, to his waist it hung,
It was bright blue and ugly, was that snake-bit tongue!

So the copper changed his tune in the dark wet night,
Threw old Jack in his squadcar and flipped on those lights,
Drove him to the clinic where the job was done,
And they saved his ass from that snake-bit tongue!
 
 


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Áine
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 03:40 PM

. . . and the heavens opened and TGG smiled upon her Bard, who had risen from his sickbed to sing silly snake songs to her . . .

Dear, dear Amos (hope you're feeling better, sweet thang!) -- You can still amaze and delight, even in your delirium! It was hard to choose the verse for your Silver B.L.O.B. -- I was torn between the one below and the 'Cajun bread' ;-) -- but, here ya go:

When he finally stopped, in spite of all his pain,
And the cop strolled up and asked him to explain,
All he could muster was "Thee, it's thith way, thun"
Cuz he couldn't talk turkey with a snake bit tongue!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 05:17 PM

So there I was, Minding my own business, French kissing a snake.........

SINSULL, the forked tongue but is definately wirth using. Gimmie some time to mull it over......


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 05:48 PM

The question we must answer is "What was he doing with the snake in the first place?"

THISSSS KISSSS Leal Flemming (Faith Hill)

I don't wanna lose my licence
I got an airtight alibi
No, I don't want to go to lock up
Sherrif, Hello, Oh no, Here's why
A Snake done bit me on the tongue, oh my, oh my

CHORUS:

It's the way it loves me It's hearing it hiss
It's a slithering motion It's perpet-ual bliss
It's that pivotal moment It's , Ahhh, impossible
Thisss Kissss Thisss Kisssss 1.)unstopable 2.)unsinkable
Thisss Kissss Thisss Kissss

The Sherrif said to Flemming. How does your bell get rung?
OH with that forked tongue,
a rat snake, with good head, soft bite, Long Snake
I wanna crawl into its burrow, am I the only one?

chorus

If you bite correctly, things get rather good
I can use some of that swelling if it bites me on the wood
Moving in slow motion, sexy little slither
everything about it tells me to come hither

Key change CHORUS:
It's the way you love me so venomisssss
It's a slithering motion, It's hearing it hisss
It's that sexual moment It's , Ahhh, impossible

Thisss Kisssss Thisss Kisssss It's venomus
Don't let our love keep hemmin' us

It's the way it loves me copper
It's the way it loves me Sherrif

REPEAT CHORUS


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 07:18 PM

Could you tell us relatively snake free people (because, even over here in England there aren't that many snakes, leaving aside some of the two-legged variety) - but is a rat-snake a sort of petname for a rattlesnake, or is it an altogether different kind of crawler?

And welcome back Amos (in fine form). But does this count as taking it easy?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 08:03 PM

Well, see I am just idling at home just now, not having enough energy to focus on real work. This accounts for the slightly tepid rhyme scheme in my entry here. But I am gaining strength daily, thanks.

I'll be sure and let you know if I go unexpectedly terminal on ya!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Áine
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 12:03 AM

Jack, my dear, sometimes you worry me . . . here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for the least confusing stanza in your slithery song of snake love:

I don't wanna lose my licence
I got an airtight alibi
No, I don't want to go to lock up
Sherrif, Hello, Oh no, Here's why
A Snake done bit me on the tongue, oh my, oh my

But, hey, I'm sure Michael Jackson cried all the way to bank while whistling 'Ben' ;-)

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Clifton53
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 09:44 AM

You Tongue In Groove
(You Got To Move)

You tongue in groove, you tongue in groove
Make no mistake babe, you tongue in groove
Oh when the law, gets ready, you tongue in groove

You might be drunk, and headin' south
A crawlin' rat snake, done bit your mouth
But when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

My name's Leal, I'm forty-five
Might be a tippler, I like to drive
But when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

They pulled me in, down Florida way
I'm here to tell 'ya, they do not play
'Cause when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

I told this cop, about my plight
He told me buddy, you're one sad sight
And when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

I said " it's true, the snake done bit"
He laughed so loudly, I thought he'd shit
Now when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

He said " Leal, you come with me"
" You're slurrin' every, X Y Z"
So when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

The judge said " man, your story's bunk"
" There ain't no rat snake, down in your trunk
And when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

Take my advice, listen to me
Reptile venom, it ain't no plea
Boy when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

You tongue in groove, you tongue in groove,
Make no mistake child, you tongue in groove
Oh when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

Half-writ by a half-wit
Clifton


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 09:49 AM

Aine, What is the problem? Even if the song's logic is rather serpentine?

I consider it a bonus when I get to make fun of Faithe Hill and kinky sex in the same song while keeping it on topic.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 09:59 AM

Clifton:

LOL! No halfwit there!! Funny stuff!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 09:27 PM

ALIBI

Far less sharp than woman's tongue, is claimed the Serpent'th tooth;
More deadly though the latter ith, I tell you Thir, in thooth,
And that is why, good offither, my tongue is thwiftly thwelling;
No alcohol at all ith within my body dwelling!

I know, good Thir, my body thways, my driving ith erratic;
But not from drinth or drugth, no Thir! But that which makth a rat thick.
For I've been bit upon my tongue by fork-ed tongued dithaster
Which ith why my thpeed wath high, I with it had been fathter!

I cannot in your inthrument, exhale for any tetht.
Indeed, it ith all I can do, to take another breath!
I cannot walk a line thath thtraight, make fingerth touch my noth
May I thuggetht you thtep back,Thir, before my thtomach goth

And when I thtand before the judge, to thith I tholemn thwear
I'll never kith another thnake, no matter what the dare!
Forgive me Thir, I mutht be thick, the poithen growth more fathter
And if I were not three fourthth dead, I wouldn't take thith crap thir!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 10:18 PM

Bravo, MM!! Ode to his Lithpstress!!! Well done. LOL!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: MMario
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 08:28 AM

Thtop! You make me bluth!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Áine
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 09:57 AM

More good stuff, you all! Here are the requisite Silver B.L.O.B.s for words well written:

To Clifton53, a double B.L.O.B., for these two 'evocative' verses:

He said " Leal, you come with me"
" You're slurrin' every, X Y Z"
So when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove

The judge said " man, your story's bunk"
" There ain't no rat snake, down in your trunk
And when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove


And to MMario, who fortunately possesses the original Silver Spittoon, for this gut-buster:

And when I thtand before the judge, to thith I tholemn thwear
I'll never kith another thnake, no matter what the dare!
Forgive me Thir, I mutht be thick, the poithen growth more fathter
And if I were not three fourthth dead, I wouldn't take thith crap thir!



Brilliant! -- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Clifton53
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 11:48 AM

Great job Mario, that wath thomthing elth, exthellent. Indeed a gut-buster.

Lo and Behold!! A Double Blobber!! Thank you Aine!!

Clifton


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 01:45 PM

And a special round of applause to The Gaelic Godethth for her keeping Tho Many Thongsters aloft with her own Thpecial Thtyle of Thauthinethth.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: mousethief
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 02:26 PM

That'th hard to read, Amoth! :)

Alekth


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: MMario
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 02:57 PM

Doth Amoth mean thauthineth or thillineth?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 04:54 PM

I THAID thauthinethth, didn't I? Whaththa mattah you? Thort-thightednethth or thumpn?

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: mousethief
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:31 PM

Thertainly Not. It'th jutht that I thometimeth mithread thingth thpelled thillily.

Thort-thightednethth my athth!

Alekth


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:35 PM

Ya' know, y'all are simply amazing! I can never come up with doodly-squat on any of these so I simply read the threads and get a laugh or two. But this one I have to comment on!

EVERY DAMN ONE OF THESE is a winner and I wouldn't know where to start to pick a "best." Hellfire, they're ALL the best! Great stuff guys.........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: mousethief
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:39 PM

Thomebody thit on that Thpaw fellow before he ethcapeth. Hith tongue ithn't bitten!

There ith a way that theemeth right to a man...

Alekth


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Deda
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 10:48 PM

Hey fellash there'sh more'n one way to shlurr your eshes. To the tune of Don't you feel my leg! (See that thread)

Hey there Osshiffur, ain'tchoo a cutie!

Now don't you tesht my breath
No don't you bresht my tesht
I'm nearly bit to death
I'm shwooning easht to wesht
So don't you tesht my breashth.

Now I can shtraight my walk
And I won't shlur my talk
No I won't shlur my talk
If you'll jesht help me walk
But don'choo blotch my walksh.

You shay you shaw me driving
Shlurrvin shide to shide
But loookit my mouff
Cuz there's a SHNAKE inshide!

You shay I'm drunk, right off my assh
But I got bit by Cleopatra's athp!

Now don't you tesht my breath
No don't you bresht my tesht
I'm nearly bit to death
I'm shwooning easht to wesht
So don't you tesht my breashth.
Don't you besht my treth. Nooooooooh, no.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Deda
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 11:23 PM

"Don't you Feel My leg" thread is (let's see if I manage this right) here.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 07:56 AM

Good one, Deda!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Áine
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 08:58 AM

Go Deda go! ;-) Fantastic song -- and here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for thith thilly, yeth thauthy thnippeth:

You shay you shaw me driving
Shlurrvin shide to shide
But loookit my mouff
Cuz there's a SHNAKE inshide!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Deda
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 07:44 PM

Thanks Mario and Aine -- I think I have another verse here, the one that explains and reveals all:

I didn't shlur my words, Yer honor oshifer
It'sh jush that shnakey worm thash all it is, yesshir
In my Tequilla jug
The one that bit my tongue
I didn't shlurr no wordsh.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Áine
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 10:20 PM

Alrightey then, Challenge!rs -- Y'all done good, ree-uhl good this time! Cudos, congrats and munchy grazies to each and every one of you. ;-) Here are your slithery seals of song superosity -- a/k/a the GCC + etc.:

-- Áine


Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Rath Thnakes are Nathty Whem Theyth Bithe Youth onth de Tonguth by Jack the Sailor
Serpent Love by mousethief
Thissss Kissss by Leal Flemming (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)
You Tongue In Groove by Clifton53

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

Elect-a-ric Soup by derrymacash
The Snake in the Glass by McGrath of Harlow

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Bitten by a Snake by Fibula Mattock
A Snake-Bit Tongue by Amos

Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Alibi by MMario
Don't You Tesht My Breath by Deda
Lamia by MMario


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 01 - 10:54 AM

Well there ya go, Deda!! A Spittoon En Argent!! You're going to have to buy a new expanded virtual mantel piece for all these RE-wards!! Praise the TGG, may her name be green and her nipples always point North!

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Áine
Date: 02 Dec 01 - 02:16 PM

Oh Amos, you make me as happy as a little girl, you really do! ;-)

-- TGG


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 01 - 03:28 PM

And a well deserved feeling, too!! I always said the most feeling lasses deserved the best feelings, didn't I?

A.


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