Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Áine Date: 28 Nov 01 - 09:39 AM This Challenge! is short, but it has a lot a potential ;-) Hope you all like it, and I'm looking forward to the fruits of your musical mental meanderings . . . Thay That Again, You Thwollen Thongue Thevil -- A jury in Tavares, Florida, convicted Leal Fleming, 45, of drunk driving in November, despite his insistence that the reason he slurred his words to a police officer, and couldn't breathe into a breathalyzer, was that he had just been bitten on the tongue by a rat snake and was on his way to a hospital to get treatment for the swelling. Said Fleming after the trial, "After the verdict came in, I had some second thoughts (about not taking an offered plea bargain), but I still think there was a point to our defense." Go for it, Challenge!rs!! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: wysiwyg Date: 28 Nov 01 - 09:41 AM Thpeak to me only with thine eyeth? ~S~ |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 28 Nov 01 - 11:32 AM The following is to the tune of "The Humours of Whisky" as sung by - amongst others - the highly estimable Tim Lyons. When not set to words the tune, a double jig, is known as Larry O'Gaff. Before anyone points it out, I know that the events in the song don't correspond directly with those described by Áine in her original challenge ... but that's the way it goes with me, I'm afraid. I have a tendency to transpose all these challenges back to Ireland and since there aren't any snakes there, I've had to improvise. Anyway enough apologising ... here goes
It's the job of a cop
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Fibula Mattock Date: 28 Nov 01 - 11:37 AM was he drinking snakebite, heh heh? (sorry!) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Fibula Mattock Date: 28 Nov 01 - 11:56 AM To the tune of the "Hippy hippy shake" with all appropriate apologies (it's Wednesday evening/I'm tired/ the dog ate my brain)...
For guiness sake
You shake it to the left
and finish up with...
(*being the Uk version of "pissed", i.e. drunk) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 28 Nov 01 - 12:35 PM Here is a tribute to one of my favourite storytelling songwriters. Rath thnakes are Nathty Whem Theyth Bithe Youth onth de Tonguth. (Old Dogs and Children and Watermelon Wine)
"Howth Drunth doith youith Thinith I hamb?
"Effer bin bith by a Rat thnake?" he asked
He said "I wasth on my wayth to the hosthpithal
"the sherrif thaid I was thluring, I thaid I couldn't helpth mythelf."
As he spoke my cellmate's speech really became more clear
The cops they gave him coffee in a paper cup
The prosecutor at his trial, one question he did pose.
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 28 Nov 01 - 12:40 PM I like it Fibula!! Good one derry especially "I fell into my motor Three-quarters pished" One question though, If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: mousethief Date: 28 Nov 01 - 01:05 PM Serpent Love Tune: intro: the intro to Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer, sort of. body of song: Charles Gitaeau
From Adam and Eve to fife-players in turbans
My name is Leal Fleming, I'm 45 years old
The scaly skin of salamanders gave me such a thrill
Yes now with a lean and lanky lady as my mate
It instantly grew numb, and I knew that I must flee
The venom creeping to my brain, I feared I'd soon be dead
The officer accosted me and said I was a lush
Now that I'm still alive today I can't imagine why
And since then I've been thinkin' maybe ladies ain't too bad
So listen, young men, to my song, and learn from my sad fate Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: SINSULL Date: 28 Nov 01 - 02:14 PM HMMMM. Jack the Sailor speaks with forked tongue... |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Áine Date: 28 Nov 01 - 02:41 PM Ah derry, ya thlay me thon! Here's your Golden B.L.O.B. for: "But far from detheeathed Thith buzzy wee beatht Produthed from itth sheath A dirty great thting And up like a rocket The thting from hith thocket He thraightaway thtuck it Right into my chin" "Tell that to the judge! I'll not fall for such fudge. This car will not budge Now give me the keys. Me oul' breathalyser Will sort truth from lies, sir You'll be saying goodbye, sir To your liberty" And Fibula, here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for taking me back to the sounds of The Cellar with: You shake it to the left You shake it to the right You try to speak the words But your tongue won't say them right You shake You got bit by a snake There's one thing I can't break (...and that's the law) And here's your Silver B.L.O.B., dear JacktS, for bringing tears to my eyes with: "the sherrif thaid I was thluring, I thaid I couldn't helpth mythelf." He Thaid, All thith drinkthing isthint healfy fo yo helf" He thaid "I'm gonna jail youth cause I don'th belief youy thon," About "Rath thnakes are Nathty Whem Theyth Bithe Youth onth de Tonguth." And mousethief -- I love it! -- and here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for this slinkey 'sonnet' (and for using the word 'skink'!): The scaly skin of salamanders gave me such a thrill The glimmer of a skink would turn me on and always will But ever more than lizards to my bosom I would take Is the love of nature's long and lovely lover-pet, the snake Way to go, dear Challenge!rs!! Keep 'em comin'! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 28 Nov 01 - 02:44 PM I decided to believe the man.
I will tell you a tale of injustice writ large
But it's truth and I swear, and it isn't a lie
I went out for a drink with a couple of friends,
With me back to a glass that was alcohol free
For some snake it had creeped from the Florida grass
I rushed and I staggered without much delay,
"I'm going to the doctor" I said very clear.
In the court house I swore I was straight as a judge
So now I've had my say, and I hope you believe, It'd fit to either of the tunes used for the song of my namesake, Master McGrath. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: MMario Date: 28 Nov 01 - 03:08 PM LAMIA (tune:'Maria' - West Side Story) The most poisonous woman I ever met Lamia, Lamia, Lamia, Lamia... All the venomous things of the world in a single girl Lamia, Lamia, Lamia, Lamia LAMIA! I just kissed a girl named Lamia! and suddenly my tongue will never be the same again! Lamia! half a girl, half a serpent woman and kissing now it seems will never be the same for me! Lamia! Thay it thoft,I have trouble thaying Thay it loud and therth thpittle thpraying Lamia! Now I'll never thtop lithping Lamia! The motht poithonous woman in the entire world Lamia!
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Áine Date: 28 Nov 01 - 03:24 PM Well, you guys are just amazin'! You just keep gettin' better and better . . . More Silver B.L.O.B.s goin' out to
McGrath of Harlow for yet another masterpiece of musical meandering: -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Amos Date: 28 Nov 01 - 03:28 PM A humble and hasty entry for the TGG's sake:
A Snake-Bit Tongue
A Texas cowboy in a Florida bar, Down under the floorboards, a rat-snake slept That snake was startled, and badly jarred, Well, Old Jack to his woozy feet did leap, He grabbed for some water to cool his head, His boiler was filled with that red-eye rum, So he flew from the bar and into his truck, When he finally stopped, in spite of all his pain, Well the ossifer had him step outside the car, Well Jack had his finger up and opened up his jaw, So the copper changed his tune in the dark wet night, |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Áine Date: 28 Nov 01 - 03:40 PM . . . and the heavens opened and TGG smiled upon her Bard, who had risen from his sickbed to sing silly snake songs to her . . .
Dear, dear Amos (hope you're feeling better, sweet thang!) -- You can still amaze and delight, even in your delirium! It was hard to choose the verse for your Silver B.L.O.B. -- I was torn between the one below and the 'Cajun bread' ;-) -- but, here ya go: -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 28 Nov 01 - 05:17 PM So there I was, Minding my own business, French kissing a snake......... SINSULL, the forked tongue but is definately wirth using. Gimmie some time to mull it over...... |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 28 Nov 01 - 05:48 PM The question we must answer is "What was he doing with the snake in the first place?" THISSSS KISSSS Leal Flemming (Faith Hill)
I don't wanna lose my licence CHORUS:
It's the way it loves me It's hearing it hiss
The Sherrif said to Flemming. How does your bell get rung? chorus
If you bite correctly, things get rather good
Key change CHORUS:
Thisss Kisssss Thisss Kisssss It's venomus
It's the way it loves me copper REPEAT CHORUS
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 28 Nov 01 - 07:18 PM Could you tell us relatively snake free people (because, even over here in England there aren't that many snakes, leaving aside some of the two-legged variety) - but is a rat-snake a sort of petname for a rattlesnake, or is it an altogether different kind of crawler?
And welcome back Amos (in fine form). But does this count as taking it easy? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Amos Date: 28 Nov 01 - 08:03 PM Well, see I am just idling at home just now, not having enough energy to focus on real work. This accounts for the slightly tepid rhyme scheme in my entry here. But I am gaining strength daily, thanks. I'll be sure and let you know if I go unexpectedly terminal on ya! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Áine Date: 29 Nov 01 - 12:03 AM Jack, my dear, sometimes you worry me . . . here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for the least confusing stanza in your slithery song of snake love:
I don't wanna lose my licence But, hey, I'm sure Michael Jackson cried all the way to bank while whistling 'Ben' ;-) -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Clifton53 Date: 29 Nov 01 - 09:44 AM You Tongue In Groove (You Got To Move)
You tongue in groove, you tongue in groove
You might be drunk, and headin' south
My name's Leal, I'm forty-five
They pulled me in, down Florida way
I told this cop, about my plight
I said " it's true, the snake done bit"
He said " Leal, you come with me"
The judge said " man, your story's bunk"
Take my advice, listen to me
You tongue in groove, you tongue in groove,
Half-writ by a half-wit
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 29 Nov 01 - 09:49 AM Aine, What is the problem? Even if the song's logic is rather serpentine? I consider it a bonus when I get to make fun of Faithe Hill and kinky sex in the same song while keeping it on topic. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Amos Date: 29 Nov 01 - 09:59 AM Clifton: LOL! No halfwit there!! Funny stuff! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: MMario Date: 29 Nov 01 - 09:27 PM ALIBI Far less sharp than woman's tongue, is claimed the Serpent'th tooth; More deadly though the latter ith, I tell you Thir, in thooth, And that is why, good offither, my tongue is thwiftly thwelling; No alcohol at all ith within my body dwelling! I know, good Thir, my body thways, my driving ith erratic; But not from drinth or drugth, no Thir! But that which makth a rat thick. For I've been bit upon my tongue by fork-ed tongued dithaster Which ith why my thpeed wath high, I with it had been fathter! I cannot in your inthrument, exhale for any tetht. Indeed, it ith all I can do, to take another breath! I cannot walk a line thath thtraight, make fingerth touch my noth May I thuggetht you thtep back,Thir, before my thtomach goth And when I thtand before the judge, to thith I tholemn thwear I'll never kith another thnake, no matter what the dare! Forgive me Thir, I mutht be thick, the poithen growth more fathter And if I were not three fourthth dead, I wouldn't take thith crap thir!
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Amos Date: 29 Nov 01 - 10:18 PM Bravo, MM!! Ode to his Lithpstress!!! Well done. LOL! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: MMario Date: 30 Nov 01 - 08:28 AM Thtop! You make me bluth! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Áine Date: 30 Nov 01 - 09:57 AM More good stuff, you all! Here are the requisite Silver B.L.O.B.s for words well written: To Clifton53, a double B.L.O.B., for these two 'evocative' verses: He said " Leal, you come with me" " You're slurrin' every, X Y Z" So when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove The judge said " man, your story's bunk" " There ain't no rat snake, down in your trunk And when the law gets ready, you tongue in groove And to MMario, who fortunately possesses the original Silver Spittoon, for this gut-buster: And when I thtand before the judge, to thith I tholemn thwear I'll never kith another thnake, no matter what the dare! Forgive me Thir, I mutht be thick, the poithen growth more fathter And if I were not three fourthth dead, I wouldn't take thith crap thir! Brilliant! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Clifton53 Date: 30 Nov 01 - 11:48 AM Great job Mario, that wath thomthing elth, exthellent. Indeed a gut-buster. Lo and Behold!! A Double Blobber!! Thank you Aine!! Clifton |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Amos Date: 30 Nov 01 - 01:45 PM And a special round of applause to The Gaelic Godethth for her keeping Tho Many Thongsters aloft with her own Thpecial Thtyle of Thauthinethth. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 01 - 02:26 PM That'th hard to read, Amoth! :) Alekth |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: MMario Date: 30 Nov 01 - 02:57 PM Doth Amoth mean thauthineth or thillineth? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Amos Date: 30 Nov 01 - 04:54 PM I THAID thauthinethth, didn't I? Whaththa mattah you? Thort-thightednethth or thumpn? A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:31 PM Thertainly Not. It'th jutht that I thometimeth mithread thingth thpelled thillily. Thort-thightednethth my athth! Alekth |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: catspaw49 Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:35 PM Ya' know, y'all are simply amazing! I can never come up with doodly-squat on any of these so I simply read the threads and get a laugh or two. But this one I have to comment on! EVERY DAMN ONE OF THESE is a winner and I wouldn't know where to start to pick a "best." Hellfire, they're ALL the best! Great stuff guys......... Spaw |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:39 PM Thomebody thit on that Thpaw fellow before he ethcapeth. Hith tongue ithn't bitten! There ith a way that theemeth right to a man... Alekth |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Deda Date: 30 Nov 01 - 10:48 PM Hey fellash there'sh more'n one way to shlurr your eshes. To the tune of Don't you feel my leg! (See that thread) Hey there Osshiffur, ain'tchoo a cutie! Now don't you tesht my breath No don't you bresht my tesht I'm nearly bit to death I'm shwooning easht to wesht So don't you tesht my breashth. Now I can shtraight my walk And I won't shlur my talk No I won't shlur my talk If you'll jesht help me walk But don'choo blotch my walksh. You shay you shaw me driving Shlurrvin shide to shide But loookit my mouff Cuz there's a SHNAKE inshide! You shay I'm drunk, right off my assh But I got bit by Cleopatra's athp! Now don't you tesht my breath No don't you bresht my tesht I'm nearly bit to death I'm shwooning easht to wesht So don't you tesht my breashth. Don't you besht my treth. Nooooooooh, no. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Deda Date: 30 Nov 01 - 11:23 PM "Don't you Feel My leg" thread is (let's see if I manage this right) here. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: MMario Date: 01 Dec 01 - 07:56 AM Good one, Deda!
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Áine Date: 01 Dec 01 - 08:58 AM Go Deda go! ;-) Fantastic song -- and here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for thith thilly, yeth thauthy thnippeth:
You shay you shaw me driving -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Deda Date: 01 Dec 01 - 07:44 PM Thanks Mario and Aine -- I think I have another verse here, the one that explains and reveals all:
I didn't shlur my words, Yer honor oshifer |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Áine Date: 01 Dec 01 - 10:20 PM Alrightey then, Challenge!rs -- Y'all done good, ree-uhl good this time! Cudos, congrats and munchy grazies to each and every one of you. ;-) Here are your slithery seals of song superosity -- a/k/a the GCC + etc.: -- Áine Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears): Rath Thnakes are Nathty Whem Theyth Bithe Youth onth de Tonguth by Jack the Sailor Serpent Love by mousethief Thissss Kissss by Leal Flemming (a/k/a Jack the Sailor) You Tongue In Groove by Clifton53 Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song): Elect-a-ric Soup by derrymacash The Snake in the Glass by McGrath of Harlow Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song): Bitten by a Snake by Fibula Mattock A Snake-Bit Tongue by Amos Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen): Alibi by MMario Don't You Tesht My Breath by Deda Lamia by MMario |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Amos Date: 02 Dec 01 - 10:54 AM Well there ya go, Deda!! A Spittoon En Argent!! You're going to have to buy a new expanded virtual mantel piece for all these RE-wards!! Praise the TGG, may her name be green and her nipples always point North! A. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Áine Date: 02 Dec 01 - 02:16 PM Oh Amos, you make me as happy as a little girl, you really do! ;-) -- TGG |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 71 From: Amos Date: 02 Dec 01 - 03:28 PM And a well deserved feeling, too!! I always said the most feeling lasses deserved the best feelings, didn't I? A. |
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