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BS: Help needed
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Subject: Help needed From: Morticia Date: 03 Dec 01 - 08:00 PM I don't want to start an inter-gender war here, promise, but I am looking for a short, pithy and preferably funny statement about men, or to be more exact, derogatory to men to stitch into a sampler for a friend who is having man trouble right now....something on the lines of Q.How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? A. Two, if you slice them thinly enough.....but much shorter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: 8_Pints Date: 03 Dec 01 - 08:22 PM If a man is in wood all alone, is he still wrong! Bob vG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: 8_Pints Date: 03 Dec 01 - 08:25 PM Errata, If a man is talking to himself all alone ...... Bob vG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: kendall Date: 03 Dec 01 - 08:46 PM Why did God invent men? Because a dildo cant mow the lawn |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Helen Date: 03 Dec 01 - 08:49 PM "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." I'm only quoting that, I don't actually subscribe to the philosophy myself. Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Midchuck Date: 03 Dec 01 - 08:56 PM Quotations from women about women....... Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened. Cora Harvey Armstrong The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. Helen Hayes (at 73) Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. -Jan King- A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow- Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky- Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis- A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome- The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman- Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited- Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton- Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen- I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited- If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird- When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley- I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton- You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong- If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton- I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr- I think---therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead- When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler- Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man--if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher- I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem- I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. -Marie Corelli- If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee- I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor- Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: GUEST Date: 03 Dec 01 - 08:57 PM Why cant women find sensitive attractive men? Because they all have boyfriends.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: GUEST, Cookieless Member Date: 03 Dec 01 - 08:58 PM "Women have many faults.... Men have ony two... EVERYTHING THEY SAY, & EVERYTHING THEY DO" *G* & also: "Why does a Man's IQ double during sex? ....cos he's plugged into a genius" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Deda Date: 03 Dec 01 - 09:05 PM If they can send a man to the moon --- why can't they send them ALL? What did God say after he made Adam? I can do MUCH better than that! (I'm actually very fond of any number of men, but it does sometimes seem that all the trouble in the history of the world has been caused by Y chromosomes.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Deda Date: 03 Dec 01 - 09:07 PM Another great line, and I don't know who said it: Sweetheart, if it's got wheels or a penis, you're gonna have trouble with it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: ddw Date: 03 Dec 01 - 09:44 PM God gave man a penis and a brain — but only enough blood to run one at a time. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Micca Date: 03 Dec 01 - 09:50 PM men are just like women but with a bit that sticks out and a corresponding sized cavity in the brain |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: katlaughing Date: 04 Dec 01 - 12:27 AM Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in high heels!:-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Morticia Date: 04 Dec 01 - 07:08 AM Love 'em.....keep them coming, I'm still looking for something short and sweet ( well, short and nasty really). All quotes will be recycled and emerge in the pub at a later date. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Skipjack K8 Date: 04 Dec 01 - 07:23 AM Man - The useless bit of skin at the end of a willy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 04 Dec 01 - 07:32 AM I'd sooner be a woman than a fish
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: wysiwyg Date: 04 Dec 01 - 10:14 AM I usually do not engage in or condone male-bashing, but if you are looking for something to get her laughing when she needs to, I wish I still had this one poster. It showed a gingerbread man, and the caption was about these being better than men.... oh yeah, I forgot to mention, the head was bitten off on the gingerbread man. Maybe the caption was simply, "The Ideal Man." ~Susan |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Wilfried Schaum Date: 04 Dec 01 - 10:29 AM When God created man, she only started practising ... Wilfried (male) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Steve in Idaho Date: 04 Dec 01 - 10:37 AM There are no male jokes. Steve *G* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Allan C. Date: 04 Dec 01 - 10:49 AM Name one thing a man can do for me that I can't do for myself! ...oh...right...forgot about that. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Hollowfox Date: 04 Dec 01 - 11:42 AM A man is like a blender. You always think you need one, but once you've got it, you're never sure why. (from my friend Laura Centric) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 04 Dec 01 - 12:57 PM Midchuck: What a Terrific series of quotes. Of course, they're all true of other men. You shoulda done a book... I woulda bought it... Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: CarolC Date: 04 Dec 01 - 03:59 PM If a man is in wood all alone
8 Pints, that's priceless! I think the real question in this case would be not "is he right or wrong", but rather, "is he right or left". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Hollowfox Date: 05 Dec 01 - 08:37 PM And just to strike a little balance..
The Difference Defined
"I can't conceive" she archly cried
"Now, entre nous, won't you confide -from Bawdy Ballads & Lusty Lyrics, edited by John Henry Johnson, copyright 1935 by Maxwell Droke, pub 1970 by Pocket Books. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:07 AM A Husband's Best Words: "You're Right"..."I'm Sorry" Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Jim Dixon Date: 06 Dec 01 - 12:09 PM Morticia, I don't mind you making jokes about men, but do you really think stitching them into a sampler is worth the trouble? How are you going to feel in a week or two when your friend has made up with her boyfriend (or starts looking for a new one) and hides your sampler in a drawer? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Wolfgang Date: 07 Dec 01 - 04:27 AM You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong- Nice idea of Peter (Midchuck) to smuggle a single anti-women citation into a big set of anti-men. The line clearly implies (under realistic circumstances) that women are less smart than men on the average. It remains an open question whether Erica Jong thinks this is true or just doesn't understand the implications of what she writes. Wolfgang (grinning and again getting his laughs against the stream) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Devilmaster Date: 07 Dec 01 - 05:13 AM Difference between a man and a savings bond....... the savings bond matures. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: CharlieA Date: 07 Dec 01 - 05:18 AM No man is worth the tears of a beautifull woman and all women have beauty. Cxxx |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Gervase Date: 07 Dec 01 - 05:21 AM Hmm, Wolfgang, you do like playing with fire, don't you? Just beware lest Morticia and Liz bring their Patagonian castration knives to Stony Stratford...(he said, in a very high voice)! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Morticia Date: 07 Dec 01 - 07:06 AM Now Gervase, you KNOW I've given away the Patagonian Castration knife after that unfortunate incident with the vicar....well, not so much given away as had taken away by the courts actually, but never mind.I've decided to embrace modern technology and got myself a chain saw.....mmmmmm, so very much blood.Look forward to meeting you Wolfgang *BG*. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Wolfgang Date: 07 Dec 01 - 07:33 AM Difference between a man and a savings bond... the police doesn't care i a similar way when you try your chainsaw on the bond Wolfgang |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Hollowfox Date: 07 Dec 01 - 08:40 AM CharlieA, oh you charmer! Tish, I'll have to see if I can scrounge up the song "I'm looking for a woman with a chainsaw" for you, since I don't see it in the DT. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: Morticia Date: 07 Dec 01 - 08:45 AM OOOOOHH, yes please, Hollowfox.....sounds right up my boulevard. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: CharlieA Date: 07 Dec 01 - 09:49 AM I'm a charmer? maybe i should change the spelling of my name to charley for those who think my spelling is that of a blokes name! Cxxx |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: kendall Date: 07 Dec 01 - 10:39 AM Men are like wine. They both start out as grapes, and it takes a woman to walk all over them until they become something you want to have dinner with. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: catspaw49 Date: 07 Dec 01 - 11:54 AM ......Except in your case Kendall, where your grapes have become raisins. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Help needed From: kendall Date: 07 Dec 01 - 07:39 PM Do you tell everything you know, spaw? |