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Subject: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 14 Dec 01 - 07:50 AM As Christmas time approaches it is Pantomime Time in Britain. Do any of you fancy doing a Mudcat online Panto? You could use Traditional characters or create your own new ones. Where else will you be offered this opportunity for rubbishy jokes, wordplay, puns and mild innuendo (jokes the children don't understand and your granny does, but wouldn't admit to!). OKAY this IS Mudcat, so that is what you do anyway, but how about putting it into a pantomime for a lark!!! I realise that Panto is a mystery to Americans Blicky to old thread! OH NO IT ISN'T Oh yes - it is!!! - But you can still join in with BOO-ing the villain and Cheering the hero - whoever they might prove to be. I'll look back in a few hours and see if ther is any interest, then maybe we can get a storyline started Quack Geoff the Pantomime Duck!
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Allan C. Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:23 AM I have never quite felt so much like an outsider, looking in, as I do just now. I cannot understand how something can be labeled, panto (as short for pantomime) and yet contain dialog. But, setting aside what seems to this writer as a misnomer, it sounds fun. I am eagerly awaiting the opportunity to see whatever more experienced minds may concoct. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: catspaw49 Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:42 AM Standing beside Allan, we both look forward to this unfolding strangeness with anticipation. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:44 AM Dick Whittington and his amazing Mudcat OR Gargoyle and the seven trolls? RtS (look out, 'Spaw he's behind you!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Pseudolus Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:55 AM Who's behind Spaw?!?!?!?!?!?!? Are they there on purpose?!?!?!? Do they know that standing there is kinda like teasing a skunk??????? Get away!!!!! For your own good, just go!!!!!!
*BG*
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:04 AM Are they there on a porpoise? Are we going NAUTICAL??? Ooh-er! Hello Sailor and all that!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:12 AM OK Skiff "Dick Whittington and his amazing Mudcat" it is. Act One - Scene One. Dick Whittington, barefoot and wearing ragged shorts is sitting on an old wooded crate beside the Mississippi with a fishing pole. "I've got a WHOPPER" he cries as a fish takes the bent that he is using for a hook. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:19 AM His best friend Huck Finn (Enters stage right) "'Gaw Blimey mate! Wotcha got there" Dick: "'Sa bloody catfish aint it. One a them there Mudcats - 'ere, gimme that ol' bucket This wuns a keepa" Let's get them off the beach into the kitchen (Bert) Dick: "'ere I'm gettin' thirsty, let's go dahn The Green Beetle and get us a nice cuppa Rosie" (Exeunt R). Act One. Scene Two. Inside The Green Beetle - Memphis. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:35 AM Enter Dame Catspaw (U-no-hu in drag)."Hello boys and girls, same jokes, different frocks!.My that's a big fish you've got there..."(10 minute slapstick act in kitchen with slippery fish, flour eggs, general mayhem...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:42 AM Dick: "Yers 'e is a big un ain't 'e, Jus' put 'im back in the buckit We ain't eatin' THIS wun. I'm gonna keep 'im as a pet." Enter McGrath of Harlow: "A fish that's a cat! What an ELEGANT pet" and they all join in singing The Blue Clicky Thing. http://www.macgrath.freeserve.co.uk/Songlists/blue%20clicky.htm#The%20Blue%20Clicky%20Thing |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Jeri Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:49 AM Sally Brown's Daughter walked up to the two boys. (Nobody actually knew her name, but everybody loved her.) Her gingham dress flounced, and her pigtails (wish stuck out from her head somewhat) bounced. If it weren't for the beard and the tufts of fuzz poking out of the fishnet stockings, she'd look the picture of innocence. "Ooh, what a lovely fish!" she said, as she perched upon a nearby rock." "I've never seen a fish that big and lively before. May I fondle it?" (The boys elbowed each other and sputtered a bit.) "There won't be no fish-fondlin' 'ere, Miss SBD!," exclaimed Huck. "They might let you do that on the dockside, but bad things can 'appen to fish wot gets fondled!" Meanwhile, the blue and green catfish looks about him and realises he's not where he should be. Unheard, he mutters "Bucket!!! How do I get out of this one? Hmmm...how does that go? 'If wishes were...nah...if fishes gave...er...OH YEAH - Fishes Who Grant Wishes Don't Wind Up On Dishes" He clears his throat...
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:49 AM (I don't know that one bert, how does it go!). "Now boys and girls" (said Dame Catspaw) If anyone comes near this Possum ocarina you will shout out won't you?" Enter Gargoyle in puff of green smoke "Ha ha ha" (boos from audience) "What is this: a non-music thread?" Goes towards Possum. "Dame Catspaw" shrieks the audience, (not a dry seat in the house) Dame comes back with Cat and chases gargoyle away, to cheers from the audience. RtS (Stoll Moss eat your heart out!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Allan C. Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:51 AM The Blue Clicky Thing |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 14 Dec 01 - 03:27 PM Enter Widdicombe Fair and Cherry Blurr the sisty uglers. "Ooh er wots going on 'ere chuck", said Cherry through her letter-box lips. "Some one's not been sleeping in my bed", yodelled Widdicombe fair, swinging her pendulous dugs over the orchestra pit, and frightening the musos, who nearly choked on their bottles of Guinness. Over to you......Jock |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: catspaw49 Date: 14 Dec 01 - 04:42 PM Well, I seem to be enjoying myself so far! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Allan C. Date: 14 Dec 01 - 05:15 PM Let's just nuke some popcorn and sit back to watch the show, 'Spaw. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 14 Dec 01 - 05:25 PM Enter cheerful looking bloke in a suit at least one size too small for him. He runs across the stage towards Dame Catspaw, skids past, does a double-take and bellows - "Hi Mum!" The Dame glances across and says "Oh Hello Zip Fastener. Have you managed to sell the cow yet?" She leans over in the general direction of the audience, or at least those in the left-hand side of the stalls, and loudly whispers "He's a bit simple, you know! - Just like his late lamented Dad! I wanted to call him Buttons, but his father (bless his soul) said we didn't want to be old-fashioned - we had to keep up with the times! Anyway, most people round here just call him Zip!" She turns to the cheerful chap who is looking decidedly bashful. "I set off to the market," he begins, but I was passing the door of a tavern and this man came out. He said his name was Max, and that I ought to get inside out of the rain. "Where's the cow?" said Dame Spaw. "I swapped her for these five magic maggots!" replies Zip.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Lanfranc Date: 14 Dec 01 - 06:54 PM Just at that moment, in came a strange character carrying a guitar case covered with stickers from long-defunct Folk Clubs. "Maggots!" he cried, "They are not maggots, they are gentles! Please let me hold your gentles, just for a moment!" Needless to say, this was misheard by the assembled company, who rose to their feet, clutched their crotches and proceeded to stone the uncomprehending ancient folkie. "I haven't been stoned like this since 1972," he cried. "Oh, yes you have", cried the mob "Oh, no I haven't", protested the ancient folkie,"Let me explain" "These magical gentles, as I call them, or maggots, as you would have it, were plucked by two crows from the rotting corpse of a knight who was slain in battle. They now have, incorporated into their DNA, the good and magical essence of the extinct noble knight. However, to realise their full potential, they must be fed to a magical catfish, which will then speak, offering to grant wishes." (All now sing "Gentle on my Mind", seguing into "Twa Corbies" and "When the Boat Comes In") "Hey, Huck, where's that fish you caught?" said SBD.....
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 14 Dec 01 - 07:03 PM Dame Spaw: You've sold the cow - Oh dreadful day. Now the rent we cannot pay. We'll be thrown out in the gutter Zip, you really are a nutter.
Zip:
(The Maggots sing - to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star):
(Enter large policeman) PC Plod Shambles:
Dame Spaw: |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 14 Dec 01 - 10:11 PM A tootling is heard off stage. Skiff, dressed as a court jester enter left tootling a tune on his kazoo. The tune could either be Oh Suzanna or The Rocky Road to Dublin. Exactly which is unclear. Spotting the fish in the bucket he exclaims "Oh goody, You make some Hush Puppies Dame Catspaw, and I'll cut some coleslaw." "Oh no you wont" yells Dick, "Oh yes I will" yells Skiff. This goes back and forth a few times echoed by the audience. "But I've been commanded by the Queen to fix her supper" says Skiff. He has barely finished his speech when Jeri enters left dressed as Queen Elizabeth, in a dowdy coat with a handbag and an amorphous blob of a hat on her head. "Hwaires maiy suppah" she exclaims in a hoity toity voice. Then she sees the fish and says "Oh maiy, THAT'S A BIG 'UN" lapsing into broad Cockney on the last four words. Dick rushes forward and pushes in front of her. "You're NOT going to eat my pet, you're NOT, NOT, NOT!" "I wouldn't dream of eating a pet" says The Queen. "We'll have toad in the hole for supper, I'll just get changed" She walks behind a screen and immediately appears from the other side dressed in the full garb of her illustrious predecessor, ruff, headgear, jewels, the lot. Thunderous applause from the audience. "Now" she continues "where are you going to put such a big one?" "I'm keeping him in my Greenhaus" says Dick. Gargoyle comes on stage in front of the curtains and prompts the audience into giving a loud groan. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bill D Date: 14 Dec 01 - 10:54 PM *late arrival, Bill D...stands, mouth agape, with 'spaw & Allan C..wondering what is happening ...suspecting this game was invented by the same jolly pranksters that gave us Cricket* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 01:25 AM Yup! Those same jolly pranksters that gave you Cricket, Netball, Rounders, Football, Hockey and lots of other fun pastimes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Dec 01 - 01:35 AM Not to mention the long lost "Gobs"........... Here Bill, Allan just popped up another bag....Sit back and enjoy. I seem to still be having a pretty good time in this........."HEY ALLAN...Nuke up a couple more bags huh?"..........Bring anything to drink Bill? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 01:59 AM You guys are supposed to be participating. You should have the hang of it by now. Lots of corny jokes and innuendoes, plenty of audience interaction. The principal boy is always a good looking young girl and there is always a Dame who is an older guy. There's a villain. There are plenty of topical 'in' jokes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 02:04 AM Bert enters right (in blackface) "Aha" says Gargoyle "It's Big Bert Boozy! why don't you throw that guitar away and go back to your gobs, You'll never be able to sing the blues no matter how black you paint your face" "But I don't sing blues" says Bert "I sing booze" and leads the cast and audience in a raucus slightly off key rendition of Beer, Glorious Beer. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 15 Dec 01 - 04:38 AM Enter:- Little Twinkle Star, dressed in a short bum freezer jacket "Who's licked all the cream off my walnut whip she squeaked?"... Brandishing her kazoo menacingly, and slapping her thighs suggestively. "We don't know LTS", (for that is what she was called in Pantoland), said the assembled company. "Perhaps it was whipped off in the exploding 12 string incident, in the last century." said Dame Spaw.............. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 09:01 AM "Ah yes" says LTS, "Poor Pedro, I remember him well" and puts on a boater and proceeds to sing "I remember it well" When she gets to the female parts (Of the SONG, of the SONG!!!) she changes hats. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 15 Dec 01 - 10:09 AM Hey Spaw and Allan - Are you the two guys in the opera box who sound just like Statler and Waldorffff from the Muppet Show? If you follow their example with heckling the performers you might learn to be a good Panto audience yet!!! Quack!!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Jeri Date: 15 Dec 01 - 10:38 AM WAllendorffff turns to Spawtler, and asks "Are you following the plot at all?" Spawtler replies "PLOT?! The nearest thing to a plot is down the road, with a chunk of marble in it. What happened to the fish, anyway?" He lines up a row of popcorn on the balcony wall, takes aim, and flicks them at Bert... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 10:48 AM Act One - Scene Three. Inside Dick's Greenhaus. A large Oxford hip bath is in the center of the stage. The fish (Who's name is Muddy) pokes his head out and addresses the audience. "I know it's not the Mississippi but it's a darned sight bigger than that bloody bucket, now I can stretch my tail out a bit" And picking on some guy in the audience says "Do YOU like to stretch your tail out Mister?" While he is talking, Gargoyle sneaks menacingly up behind him carrying an extremely large skillet and a cleaver. Audience shouts "Look out behind you" but Muddy keeps on talking.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 15 Dec 01 - 02:15 PM (At some point the singing panntomime horse is going to have to make an appearance. Maybe singing that great tearjerker "What oh what is f**k?") |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Banjo-Flower Date: 15 Dec 01 - 04:43 PM (Enter stage left) a pantomime reineer led by Mrs Duck in a tutu carrying a tinselly wand pulling a sleigh (the reindeer not Mrs Duck) in the sleigh is a man with a bushy beard playing a tenor banjo (the man not the beard) "i wonder who it could be boys and girls" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 15 Dec 01 - 06:17 PM "Here come I, old Father Christmas, forget the bloody plot I hope old Father Christmas will never be forgot. This reindeer in a tutu and the lovely Mrs Duck Are warnings of a coming rhyme - and you are out of luck. I'll tell my dreadful story, if you'll only gather roundP> The flying squad they stopped me, and my presents did impound.
After all, there are impressionable elders here. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST Date: 15 Dec 01 - 06:26 PM Yer all bloody mad! *GRINS* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 15 Dec 01 - 10:47 PM I'm starting to get the picture- and I want to see a real one! I may have to shift my plans for next summer to next December! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: WyoWoman Date: 16 Dec 01 - 12:50 AM Is this a response to the nearly nude calendar? I didn't think it was THAT bad, I mean, sure, some of us are a bit spread out in the middle and might be considered over the hill but ... What? Oh. I thought it said "Mudcat PANTY ..." and was someone's attempt to get us to put our gear back on ...
nivver mindww |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 16 Dec 01 - 05:07 AM Nope WW, never yet got so old as to consider persuading women BACK into their duds. However you've aroused my interest (yes interest!!), and I must try to obtain this here Mudflap calendar.*BEG*(Big evil grin) Failte.....Jock |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Dec 01 - 09:37 AM (brief aside to Giok) Tell ya' what Jock, about 20 years ago, a few of us paid a nude table dancer at a titty bar on Rt. 41 in Orlando to keep her clothes ON! Wasn't something anyone wanted to see a second time I tell ya!! Now back to the weirdness......Allan, you got a flashlight we can shine down there sometimes and get the light in their eyes? You shine the light at one and I'll nail them with some popcorn. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Paul from Hull Date: 16 Dec 01 - 09:53 AM Dont do it, Catspaw! This is English/British PANTO...They'll pelt stuff BACK at you, believe me! ......& the Usherettes will come & poke you with a long pole, from the aisles..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Mr Red Date: 16 Dec 01 - 10:15 AM I thought I had put all this behind me Oh yes I did! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Mr Red Date: 16 Dec 01 - 10:16 AM ANDDDDDDd you won't find me in fancy dress....... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 16 Dec 01 - 10:26 AM Mr. Plod the policeman comes on stage and leads Santa off in handcuffs. Audience boos and hisses. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bill D Date: 16 Dec 01 - 12:36 PM *pops back in after a days respite and finds he STILL is unable to wrap his mind around the rules*... not even fresh popcorn will help if they are gonna be throwing it back at me!.... (can't sing the blues or write songs either) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 16 Dec 01 - 01:24 PM "That's what we want in this dis-united kingdom, a proper police state", said Widdicombe fair, climbing off her weighbridge. "I'll defend him no matter what he's done", said Cherry, "After all nobody who wears red can be guilty.It's all down to Metal Maggie she was the one who tried to cancel Christmas. My father was a famous Scouser y'know!" "Bah humbug" said Widdicombe,"Where's that LTS I'll show her what real tory thigh slapping's all about".... Squints backwards, looks over her shoulder and says.... "Does my bum look big in this?".."Bloody enormous said Cherry".."No it doesn't" said Widdicombe!".. "Oh yes it does"...Roar the audience in unison. Don't know why they were all in the same trade union, must be a charabanc in......... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 16 Dec 01 - 10:08 PM Note for confused Americans: the basic panto formula is to use one of a small number of stories, with a predetermined set of characters, as a framework within which topical jokes and slapstick are fitted fit in. And characters from other genres which are topical can make an appearance. I imagine Harry Potter and Gandalf will turn up in a few pantos this Christmas.
Cinderella; Mother Goose/Jack in the Beanstalk; Dick Whittington; Robin Hood (Babes in the Wood); Robinson Crusoe (rare); Aladdin; Beauty and the Beast; Sleeping Beauty; Puss in Boots. There are probably a few more.
This thread hasn't ever settled on which panto we are doing, which has rather piled on the confusion. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 17 Dec 01 - 12:05 AM It's Dick (Greenhaus) Whittington and his Mudcat. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 17 Dec 01 - 04:16 AM Now the current children's tv puppet favourite has put in an appearance and the weatherperson/traffic reporter from an obcure local station has led the audience in singing the same song they do every year (well those stage cloth songsheets don't come cheap), it is time for the under-rehearsed tinies from the local amateur stage school to do their underwater ballet (at least with a Mudcat in the plot is fits in better than in last year's Cinderella). What the audience don't see is that while this is going on the broker's men (Swan, Fielding and Lane) and trying to hide the Skiff's kazoo to try to keep the audience in the theatre until the walkdown. This Keystone Cops-like dashing hither and thither offstage is funnier than anything in the show and the producer is making notes, thinking he may be able to incorporate it into next year's show: "Layabouts in the Pinewoods".... RtS "Anyone here from Stonall? Never mind...") |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 17 Dec 01 - 07:58 AM Enter Zip Fastener at a dash, he looks around the stage and shouts Oh! Hi there Kids. I'm hiding from Dame Catspaw - she is still angry about the Maggots. In fact, she was so angry that she went out and kicked that folksinger in the Gentles!!!!! Anyway, now that you are here, we might as well have some fun. Does anyone like sweets? All the front row of the stalls bellow YES!!!!! Zip looks around again and says I'll see what I can find!. He delves around behind a cardboard bush and pulls out two large bags. Who likes sweets?. A big cheer goes up about the auditorium. Is there anybody out there? - I can't hear you! An even bigger cheer goes up!!!! Zip delves into the first bag and casts a handful of boiled sweets into the fist two rows of the audience. He delves again and aims some towards the balcony. Kids and adults try to grab them before they land!
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:09 AM ...and as usual Herself embarasses everyone nearby by knocking small children out of the way as she fights for the chocolates, swearing that Zip favours the rich kids in the boxes. Himself cringes pretending She's not with him. RtS(one reason I'm not joining Her & work colleagues at Woking this year -Vanessa Feltz and Russ Kane (the Eye in the Sky!) two other reasons- but we'll be at Mercury Colchester over the New Year for a locally cast traditional panto instead!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:14 AM Does anyone like crisps? shouts Zip. A resounding YES!!!! rattles the timbers of the theatre. Zip picks up the second bag and takes out a bag of crisps. He launches it at the middle of the audience, closely followed by more bags cast in different directions. We now approach the climax of the scene.......... Zip shouts out DO YOU LIKE CUSTARD????? Another cheer goes up! Suddenly Zip reaches behind the cardboard bush and reveals a large bucket. He swings it back and forth teasingly. Who wants CUSTARD?. The audience show a slightly worried silence..... Who wants CUSTARD?.cries Zip even louder! He looks about then spies the two befuddled American Gentlemen sat in the opera box. He goes to the opposite end of the stage, hefts the bucket a couple of times, swings it back and then takes a run across the stage towards the opera box. At the end of the run he swings the bucket and empties the contents on a trajectory towards the box. Multi coloured confetti showers out to a resounding cheer from the assembled throng! At the other side of the stage, the comic policemen, George and Dubbya walk on swinging their truncheons. Zip makes a swift exit into the wings, and the curtain falls!
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:22 AM I'd have though that routine wold be repeated with the Plods, who'd be looking on patronisingly, as the bucket was heaved at them.
Then with it'd turn out hat this time it was real custard. At which point Zip would split. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 17 Dec 01 - 09:01 AM [thread creep while you're queueing for your interval drinks, souvenir flashing wands and giant foam waving hands, If you think we exaggerate this is from today's :London Ti,es ...at the Watermill in Bagnor, Berkshire, the team that won the Barclays Theatre Award 2000 for best musical is putting on a Cinderella so posh they're calling it Cinderella and the Enchanted Slipper. So don't go expecting Dr Legg and Spencer from Grange Hill as soft-shoe-shuffling Ugly Sisters there, matey. Don't get me wrong though — if you want Dr Legg and Spencer from Grange Hill as soft-shoe-shuffling Ugly Sisters, Britain can do that for you too. More specifically, Maidstone can do that for you — and their Cinderella at the Hazlitt will even chuck in Pingu. For further C-list panto-sniggers, you can take your pick from former prog-rock giant Rick Wakeman in Aladdin in Truro; Vanessa Feltz, John Inman, Gary Wilmot and Nichola from Big Brother in Cinderella at Woking; and Peter Pan at the Swan in Wycombe, which offers you the dream team of Joe Pasquale, Dirty Den and The Acromaniacs, all in one go.
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Trevor Date: 17 Dec 01 - 10:16 AM I'm no good at this myself but can somebody write in my favourite bit where the one of the two simpletons/burglars/soldiers/outlaws/ is carrying a long plank of wood which repeatedly knocks the other one over to the accompaniment of a drum.
OH YES HE DOES! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 17 Dec 01 - 10:22 AM Well, Trev., it usually apears in the script as "own routine, 10 minutes"! Widdicombe: (trying for topical appeal) "Is Arafat irrelevant?" Cherry:"No, Dumbo is irrelevant, Arafat is what makes your bum look big in that!" Drummer:Boom ,Boom, Tzing! RtS (it's the way I tell 'em. Oh no it isn't...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Mr Red Date: 17 Dec 01 - 10:42 AM And is that Christine Hamilton (soon to appear as Carmen Theroux) fixing her evil eye on Buttons (in the fly)? Mr Hamilton? Sings "here comes the bribe". OK America, what're you making of all this? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Penny S. (elsewhere) Date: 17 Dec 01 - 12:18 PM Now the underwater ballet starts when the Mudcat looks out of his hipbath, wishing for the Mississippi, when by ancient occult arts (ie the front of stage lighting dims, and the lighting behind the scenery brightens, revealing (for it is a transparent curtain), a scene beneath the rolling surface of the muddy river. The audience, bemused by the kiddiewinks renditions of passing crayfish, yet more catfish and other such creatures waving through the magically clear waters, do not notice as the curtain lifts into the (I used to know the names of all the parts of the theatre...)(Oh yes, the flies), and the dancers, to "The Aquarium" by Saint-Saens (for this is a tasteful part of the panto), quiver their way forward in the subdued cyan lighting, to draw the mudcat from its bath, to dance off into the ethereal distance and the wings. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Penny S. (elsewhere) Date: 17 Dec 01 - 12:20 PM To be followed by a rendition, from the more raucous members of the cast, of "Oh, them golden kippers" (from the Opies. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: lady penelope Date: 17 Dec 01 - 02:23 PM Enter Zip stage right with box under arm. He's in a terrible hurry and is looking over his shoulder at something behind. Such is his concentration that he crashes straight into Dame Spaw.
D.S. " And where do you think you are going?" Dame Spaw chases Zip off the stage with much clipping of ears........ TTFN M'Lady P.
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Allan C. Date: 17 Dec 01 - 03:53 PM Aside to 'Spaw and other semi-innocent bystanders: I am starting to catch on. I believe what we have here is totally random craziness and blithering. The joke for the insiders is that they already know there is no theme and that there are no rules whatsoever - they only pretend these exist. It is all an elaborate ruse for the benefit of putting one over on the outsiders.* It all reminds me of the party game in which one or more people are removed from the room. When they are returned to the room, one at a time, they are told that a story has been concocted by the ones who stayed. The task is for the individual to figure out the story by asking questions, answerable by "yes", "no" or "maybe". What he does not know is that there is no story. The group answers his questions according to the ending of the last word of his question. Final vowels are answered by a "yes". Final consonants receive a "no". Questions ending in "y" are answered by "maybe". Thus, a question such as, "Is the story about me?" would be answered by "Yes". "Am I the main charactor of the story?" would get an answer of "maybe". Confusion soon ensues and continues until the individual breaks the "code" or issues a plea to cease and desist, at which time the next victim is returned to the room. *This is all tongue-in-cheek, guys. I am thoroughly enjoying the insanity of this panto. I only wish I could see one in person. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 17 Dec 01 - 04:06 PM OK guys, who's up to putting one on for real next year? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:05 PM Allan C - The rules are much more simple than that - A panto is a very straightforward storyline, usually based around a well known fairytale. A variety of stereotyped characters appear including the Dame, a downtrodden but cheerful stooge, a villain (mostly lacking so far) a hero and a girl. There are slapstick and wordplay scenes plus a ghost or monster who appears "Behind You". These have got very little to do with the plot, but ALL to do with Panto. The hero wins, the villain slinks of to be nasty another day, the girl finds true love and the Dame gets to wear a completely over-the-top frock to go to the wedding. Quack! GtD
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Allan C. Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:32 PM At last, a meaningful scorecard! Somehow, what you said has made more sense to me than the others who have attempted explanations. Thank you, Geoff. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,McGrath Date: 17 Dec 01 - 09:02 PM (It's essentially the same as a Mummers Play - the plot is fixed in its essentials, certain bits of dialog are traditional and must be incorporated. (Oh yes they are...oh no they aren't...oh yes they are) Outside that anything goes. For example in a Mummers Play by the Chingford Morrismen that I say tonight The Turkish Knight, Slasher used the name Bin Laden. It didn't stop hik being brought back to life by the Dictor after being slain by St George.)
Proper pantos, like proper Mummers Plays, are primarily in verse, but slip over into prose much of the time. Modern pantos tend to get it the other way round.)
We haven't had a Fairy Queen or a Demon King yet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 17 Dec 01 - 09:51 PM (It's essentially the same as a Mummers Play - the plot is fixed in its essentials, certain bits of dialogue are traditional and must be incorporated. (Oh yes they are...oh no they aren't...oh yes they are) Outside that anything goes. For example in a Mummers Play by the Chingford Morrismen that I saw tonight The Turkish Knight, Slasher used the name Bin Laden. It didn't stop him being brought back to life by the Doctor after being slain by St George.)
Proper pantos, like proper Mummers Plays, are primarily in verse, but slip over into prose much of the time. Modern pantos tend to get it the other way round.)
We haven't had a Fairy Queen or a Demon King here yet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 18 Dec 01 - 06:40 AM (I really wanna see a real one!!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Penny S. (elsewhere) Date: 18 Dec 01 - 12:05 PM I agree with Kevin that there is a similarity with the Mummers' plays. It puzzles me that the history is given as deriving from the Italian (OK the word does), when the Dame is rather like the Betty (?) in traditional English performances (and there's a similar character in Austrian folk dance groups, I remember, and the overall structure is quite different from the character of the Commedia del Arte. Penny, rushing to catch the post |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 18 Dec 01 - 02:30 PM Zip is in an outhouse stoking the boiler which keeps Dick'sGreenhaus hot during the biting winter. You can see four-foot icicles hanging outside the window. His face is blackened by with coal dust. The door opens and a bucketful of polystyrene snow blows across the stage. Enter the two policemen, George and Dubbya. 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.We're looking for that rascal Zip Fastener, - turns to the audience - has anyone seen him?. In the background Zip shakes his head and mimes for the audience to say NO! Popcorn is showered from the opera box. A torch beam is followed by a well placed nugget!
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 18 Dec 01 - 06:43 PM Zip, with black face, chirps up - He hasn't been here all day. In fact I'm not even here!What do you mean - you aren't here? exclaims P.C. George. I bet you five pounds that I can prove I'm not here! says Zip. Done! says George. Zip - Am I in Tokyo? George - No. Zip - Am I in Alaska? George - No. Zip - Am I in Rome? George - No. Zip - Well - If I'm not in any of those places, I must be somewhere else! George - Yes. Zip - And if I'm somewhere else - I can't be here! Grabs Ten pound note and disappears rapidly.
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 18 Dec 01 - 07:50 PM Enter Mother Duck:
Hullo Girls and Boys. What a Muddy lot you are. I'd like to get you in my duck pond and clean you up. Has anybody seen my ducklings? They keep on wandering off all over the place.
(More or less to the tune of "any old iron")
George and Dubya, the Plods:
Dubya: Dad, Dad - can I arrest her? Can I run her in - she looks very suspicious to me. I think she's in some kind of disguise.
George: That's my boy - you've got it in one. She's cleary a partner in villainy of that rascal Zip. We'll run her in.
We're public guardians bold and wary, |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: alison Date: 18 Dec 01 - 08:55 PM ***POOF***.... and with a blinding flash of light the beautiful good fairy appears to loud cheers from the kids and not a few wolf whistles from the dads....... "what up Zip fastener?" "you want to go to the ball but you don't have anything to wear?" "I can fix that.... here climb into these".... and she waved her magic wand and gave Zip a slinky negligee a big furry slippers...... now all I need is a turnip, 4 hamsters, gaffa (duct) tape, and a big mallet............. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 19 Dec 01 - 11:12 AM I don't like the sound of the big mallet! GtD! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 19 Dec 01 - 04:06 PM It's to get the budgie/turkey into the cage, of course. Failte.....Jock (Mike Harding.... The 10lb budgie story.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,hollowfox with no cookie at work Date: 19 Dec 01 - 04:56 PM For those of us without our pantos here in the USA, there's a book that might help: King Panto: the story of Pantomime by A. E. Wilson, E. P. Dutton, publisher, 1935. The English edition was called Christmas Pantomime: the story of an English Institution, published by G. Allen & Unwin. My library system owns it, so you should be able to get it on interlibrary loan. Delightful book, describing the whole operation, describing routines, naming and describing famous performers and genteely mourning the downfall of this institution by the influx of music hall performers and comedians who put in their comic turns and songs whether they have anything to do with the plot or not. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 19 Dec 01 - 05:07 PM Is it really true that there aren't any pantos in the whole of the USA? I can't believe it - after all there are Morris Dancers and Mummers Pays. And even people eating Marmite.
I can't help suspecting there are amateurs putting on pantos in some places - and if there are they'd probably be a lot closer to the tradition hollowfax mentions than most pantos in Britain.
And if there really aren't, it's high time somebody started doing it, and set out to show the British how it should be done. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Trevor Date: 20 Dec 01 - 12:31 PM Isn't there some base for panto in the commedia dell 'Arte? Although I don't know whether Frank Bruno would have studied classical theatre. Anyway, have we got to that bit where Lionel Blair/Danny La Rue/Lily Savage/Roy Baraclough et al gets the kids out of the audience on to the stage and they all sing Jingle Bells before throwing sweeties into the stalls. I NEVER caught a sweetie, or got asked on stage. I didn't even get covered in the bits of paper when they pretended to chuck a bucket of water into the crowd. And where's that woman dressed as Peter Pan, you know, the one with the great legs that you hoped you would get off with when you were old enough to know what 'getting off with' meant - when you were a lot older, say about 12? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Dec 01 - 12:41 PM Make some more popcorn and send somebody for Beernuts...I kinda' see it now, but it's still on the blurry side......My alter ego still seems to be having a fine time of it and a few Beernuts oughta' be about right............There seems to be some vague association to "Guerrilla Street Theater" which I never quite got either, but I'm still enjoying this. Sorry Mac, but the Colonists seem to have left a few things back across the pond............... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 20 Dec 01 - 03:39 PM Why do I keep thinking about yoghurt? Jock |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Trevor Date: 21 Dec 01 - 04:01 AM Enter Dr Bumpfeel, the shrink with the totally over-the top mid-European accent..... (it's no good, I just don't know what comes next!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 21 Dec 01 - 03:26 PM Tell me LTS, ven didz u vorst haff zeese vorries about ze varink offf ze herrs clothinks? Undt zis tigh slappink perhaps zis iz ze compensatory manifestation of ze internal strackle mit ze feelincks off confusions. You moost admit it to youselfs zat zu bist addicted mit der kazooitis. Und ven you haff recognised you haff a problem zen all ve haff to do is remove your membrane. Ven zis hass been done ze blowing vill haff to stop, JA? Gezundheit.....Jock |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 23 Dec 01 - 12:54 PM What's this I hear, oh woe I cry, Don't let the Mudflap panto die Remember how in Peter Pan, When Tinker Bell grew pale and wan The children gathered to her cause, And brought her back with loud applause. What about the Prandsome Hince, (Do spoonerisms make you wince?) Make this the best panto you've never seen, eh Look out kids here comes Dandini. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST, A Regular, sans Biscuit Date: 23 Dec 01 - 01:47 PM Maybe that was just the Interval, Giok? *G* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 23 Dec 01 - 05:09 PM (They thought they'd left Morris Dancing behind - in fact maybe that was why some of them emigrated. But it seems to be live and kicking in some parts of the States...You don't get away that easy. But on with the show...)
Enter the Plods dressed up as Brokers Men - carrying long ladder.
George Jr: Dad, why are we carrying this ladder and dressed up in overalls, Dad, Dad...
George Senior: That's a very good question son. I'll ask my young assistant, Lon Cheney. Lon. Lon, please come on!
Enter Lon Cheney, in the person of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Swinging from a scenery rope, which means that the backdrop scenery keeps on changing like in A Night at the Opera.
As he swings he shouts out his dialogue: At this point the rope breaks and he swings off into the wings, cryng "Aaaaargh" and loud crashing noise off stage.
Lon, Lon, now you've gone.
When you're working as a broker's man,
It's not easy being a villain,
(As they manouevre the ladder about the stage they keep on knocking each other over, with cries of "watch out" and so forth. Then they eventually lean the ladder up against Mother Ducks window, but half way up she opens it, and drenches them with a huge chamber pot, and they fall over.
"You are the weakest link!" she cries. "Kindly leave the stage.
(And they do, shaking their fists at the Dame and at the Audience who is booing them, and being conducted in a chorus of "You are the weakest links" by Zip.)
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 24 Dec 01 - 04:48 PM Geoff the Duck enters the room carrying a bucket of paste. Grandpa Duck is cutting lengths of paper. A set of step ladders is placed against the wall. GEoff is nearly knocked over by a swinging end of a plank. He trips and the wallpaper paste flies across the room. He ends up in a pile of sticky wallpaper. This is not a scene from the pantomime - it's what I've been busy doing in the living room to try and get it ready to use for Christmas. It's also the reason I have been neglecting the panto. Merry Christmas to you all. Hopefully I'll be in a new scene tomorrow!!! Quack GtD |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 25 Dec 01 - 04:26 PM GtD, you're supposed to get plastered at Christmas, not papered. Failte.....Jock |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 25 Dec 01 - 07:00 PM On Sunday I started wrapping presents. I had a great big roll of fancy paper and a load of boxes. All went well as I cut lengths of paper, but then I started to get overwhelming urges to slap paste on them and stick them on a wall........ Quack! GtD. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 26 Dec 01 - 05:30 AM Please beware of these urges, they can be terminal. Just look what happened to Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen for instance, you don't want to end up like that now, do you?? Failte.....Jock |
