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Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)

DigiTrad:
HUMORESQUE
HUMORESQUE 2


Related threads:
Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain (37)
Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions) (71)
Lyr Req: Footsteps on my dashboard upside-down (15)
Humoresque and Swannee River (22)
Lyr Req: Footprints on the Windshield Upside Down (9)


GUEST,Gerald Forrester 23 Dec 01 - 04:31 PM
catspaw49 23 Dec 01 - 04:49 PM
catspaw49 23 Dec 01 - 04:52 PM
Cobble 23 Dec 01 - 06:12 PM
Liz the Squeak 23 Dec 01 - 07:20 PM
Genie 24 Dec 01 - 02:49 AM
Mark Cohen 24 Dec 01 - 04:23 AM
Guessed 24 Dec 01 - 05:09 AM
John MacKenzie 24 Dec 01 - 06:13 AM
Jeanie 24 Dec 01 - 02:14 PM
Jim Dixon 01 Jan 02 - 11:20 PM
catspaw49 02 Jan 02 - 12:07 AM
Mark Cohen 02 Jan 02 - 12:53 AM
Gareth 02 Jan 02 - 02:22 PM
Jim Dixon 02 Jan 02 - 06:23 PM
Liz the Squeak 03 Jan 02 - 05:38 PM
GUEST 24 Dec 07 - 11:07 AM
GUEST,Latex 26 Jul 08 - 12:01 PM
GUEST,cookieless folkiedave 26 Jul 08 - 01:18 PM
quokka 26 Jul 08 - 01:23 PM
Rumncoke 27 Jul 08 - 11:48 AM
oldhippie 27 Jul 08 - 12:16 PM
Charley Noble 27 Jul 08 - 08:19 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 08 - 08:43 PM
quokka 30 Jul 08 - 12:37 PM
bubblyrat 30 Jul 08 - 01:37 PM
BB 30 Jul 08 - 02:42 PM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 30 Jul 08 - 07:06 PM
Joe_F 30 Jul 08 - 09:00 PM
Roger in Baltimore 31 Jul 08 - 12:49 PM
Joe_F 31 Jul 08 - 08:56 PM
Scabby Douglas 01 Aug 08 - 06:26 AM
danensis 01 Aug 08 - 04:47 PM
BB 01 Aug 08 - 06:22 PM
Micca 01 Aug 08 - 06:43 PM
Joe_F 01 Aug 08 - 08:35 PM
Dave Hunt 01 Aug 08 - 08:53 PM
GUEST 07 Mar 09 - 03:43 PM
GUEST,Toni Mayer 03 Oct 09 - 12:20 PM
oldhippie 03 Oct 09 - 06:56 PM
GUEST,Guest, De 02 May 10 - 01:21 PM
GUEST 02 May 10 - 02:13 PM
Charley Noble 02 May 10 - 09:16 PM
GUEST,Elizabeth Olsen 26 Oct 10 - 12:19 AM
JohnInKansas 26 Oct 10 - 01:39 AM
MGM·Lion 26 Oct 10 - 03:58 AM
beeliner 26 Oct 10 - 05:45 PM
JohnInKansas 27 Oct 10 - 12:39 AM
GUEST,Andanotherthing 17 Dec 10 - 06:33 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 10 - 11:34 PM
GUEST,Emma 16 Feb 11 - 05:33 AM
Dame Pattie Smith EPNS 16 Feb 11 - 10:49 AM
Midchuck 16 Feb 11 - 11:30 AM
bubblyrat 30 Nov 11 - 03:41 AM
GUEST 13 Feb 12 - 10:12 AM
Charley Noble 14 Feb 12 - 09:04 AM
GUEST 27 Mar 12 - 03:53 PM
GUEST 03 Apr 12 - 03:04 AM
GUEST,Nancy 15 Jul 12 - 06:01 PM
GUEST,Grishka 15 Jul 12 - 07:40 PM
MGM·Lion 15 Jul 12 - 11:31 PM
Seamus Kennedy 16 Jul 12 - 12:25 AM
GUEST,Grishka 16 Jul 12 - 06:18 AM
MGM·Lion 16 Jul 12 - 08:56 AM
GUEST,Grishka 16 Jul 12 - 03:26 PM
GUEST,Lord Primark 16 Jul 12 - 05:32 PM
GUEST,Me Potter 16 Aug 15 - 05:38 AM
GUEST,Sceadugenga 01 Oct 15 - 04:26 AM
GUEST,ffred pierssen 14 Apr 17 - 08:47 AM
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Subject: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,Gerald Forrester
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 04:31 PM

Anyone recall the words to this little bawdy? I heard the tune the other day and it remiminded me of the song that i sang as a student in Exeter many years ago. All i recall is - When the train is in the station please refrain from urination . . . apologies for the rudeness - iy is a good song.

Gerald - Scotland


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 04:49 PM

CLICK HERE

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 04:52 PM

This Version in the DT.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Cobble
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 06:12 PM

When the train is in the station please refrain from urination, have reguards for railway property. If you feel you really ought to go and see the railway porter, he'll show you where you can spend a penny.

Cobble.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 07:20 PM

There is '[a;nyhttttttttttttttiuuuother very British version

Gentlemen must please refrain
From passing water while the train
Is standing at the station here at Crewe

can't remember the next lines, but it continues:

Tramps and hoboes underneath
Will get it in the eyes and teeth
That's what they get for being the underdog.

LTS

Sorry, new cat with bad keyboard etiquette.... he will keep standignt on my table.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Genie
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 02:49 AM

The song is, of course, a parody of Humoresque. There's a parody of the parody in Song Challenge! Part 77 here.

Genie


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 04:23 AM

And I believe (unless it's another urban legend) that it's based on a sign that was posted in railroad car bathrooms in the days when the potty would empty directly onto the tracks beneath.

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Guessed
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 05:09 AM

quite right Mark
the reason they needed the train moving was 1) out of the area of the general public and 2) the kinetic energy of the er..... solid matter, was used to disintegrate said sausages on impact with the sleepers.
don't I talk a load of crap?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 06:13 AM

Newly weds within the carriage
Please don't consummate your marriage
While the train is standing here at Crewe.
Please restrain that natural function,
Till we get to Clapham Junction,
Where there's really sod all else to do.
Merry Chri8stmas...Jock


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Jeanie
Date: 24 Dec 01 - 02:14 PM

Brilliant ! Brilliant! Thank you all so much ! My daughter plays "Humoresque" on the flute and she just didn't believe me that there were these wonderful words to it, and I could only vaguely remember them. Spookily,I was only mentioning this to IanB yesterday and saying "I'll have to post a thread on Mudcat to see if anyone knows the words." Spooky ... Many thanks - wish I'd had a £5 bet with her, now ... - Jeanie


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 11:20 PM

Mark Cohen: It's not an urban legend. I clearly remember that when I was a kid, the toilets of American passenger trains emptied directly onto the tracks. Of course, they didn't empty until you flushed them. In daylight hours, you could look down and see the ties (sleepers) passing by while you held the handle down. And there was a sign asking passengers not to flush while the train was in a station. I don't recall the exact words, but I think the lyrics I am familiar with ("Passengers will please refrain / From flushing toilets while the train / Is standing in a station…") are a fair paraphrase. The original didn't rhyme or have such good meter, though.

I also remember a very painfully embarrassing experience I had when I was about 12 years old in 1959 or so, traveling by train from St. Louis, MO, to Los Angeles, CA. Late one night, while my parents were asleep, and the train was standing in the station, I HAD to go. I took the sign very seriously, so I decided, when I finished my business, to stand and wait until the train pulled out of the station, and then flush. I waited and waited and waited. Someone knocked on the door and I ignored them. The conductor came with a key and unlocked the door. He closed the door immediately, saying, "Someone's in there," and went away. But my cover having been blown, so to speak, I decided to hold out no longer. I opened the door and explained the situation to the gentleman who was standing there with his little boy, about 3 years old, I suppose, who also had to go. I let them in, and sheepishly went back to my seat. After they went back to their seats, I had to satisfy my curiosity. I went back and checked the toilet, and I saw that they had flushed –- both theirs and mine –- onto the track. And it was still several minutes before the train pulled out.

As Dave Barry would say, I am not making this up.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 12:07 AM

Yeah Jim.....My Dad was an Pennsy engineer and we traveled free by train back in my childhood (when there were still passenger trains) and I remember reading those signs as some of my earliest "reading".....and also asking why! AS a 6 year old I was pretty disgusted and remember always looking a bit differently at the tracks by the depot.

JOKE:

Two winos are wandering along the railroad tracks. On board the oncoming passenger train is a guy in the restroom who has found the toilet broken. He can't wait any longer, so as the train speeds along, he hangs his ass out the window and "lets it fly." The train is just passing the two winos and they get hit with the shit and knocked to the ground. The first wino, dazed, asks, "My gawd what kind of tobacco was that guy chewin'?" The other one answers, "I dunno', but did you see the lips on that motherfucker?"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 12:53 AM

Check out John Hardly's post about halfway through this Steve Goodman thread for a wonderful story about Steve in a similar situation.

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Gareth
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 02:22 PM

The real fun goes back to the days of dear old "BRITISH RAILWAYS" Yes, they dumped it on the track. The trick was remembering not to flush while the train was in a tunnel.
Nine times out of ten you would get away with it, on the 10th there would be a train approaching from the other end of the tunnel, and as the valve opened, the air presure would rise and whoosh you would get your own back.

Gareth (Nostalic for Steam and the old Mark 1 carriges.)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 06:23 PM

Mark, I've read the post you referred to above and I am highly skeptical.

"…waste matter was sucked out of the toilet and straight back through vacuum tubes along the sides to be sprayed in a fine mist from the rear of the train."

I've never heard of this technology. I've always assumed that the modern technique was to store the waste matter in a holding tank that is periodically pumped out, like those on airplanes, RV's, and portable toilets. It seems to me, if you're going to install a high-tech system like the one described, you'd also have the sense to add a switch to deactivate it when the train is stopped.

Now, maybe Steve Goodman did tell the story this way, but I think he stretched the truth a little.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Jan 02 - 05:38 PM

I always wondered why there was so much toilet paper to be seen along railway tracks......

And on the same note....

A train is travelling at speed between London and York. Suddenly it screeches to a halt, throwing passengers, luggage and conductors alike into a heaving mass. The driver announces that someone has pulled the communications cord and that the train won't move until they find who it was and help them out. As they go up and down the train, the cannot see which cord has been pulled, until one of the guards checks the toilets.

'Are you OK in there?'

'No.... I've got piles.....' The guard looks a bit askance....

'Sir, did you pull the communication cord, just because of piles?'

'Yes'

'But sir, I have piles too, the driver has piles, and I daresay a lot of the other passengers have them as well!'

'Yes, but yours aren't wrapped around the axle!'

LTS


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Dec 07 - 11:07 AM

My version of Humoresque is by folk singer Oscar Brand

Passengers will please refrain
from flushing toilets while the train
is in the station, (darling I love you)
We encourage constipation
while the train is in the station,
(moonlight always makes me think of you)

If you wish to pass some water
Kindly call the pullman porter
He'll leave a vessel in the vestabule
If the porter isn't near
Then Try the platform in the rear
The one in front is windy
Ain't love cruel?

If the woman's room be taken
Do not feel the least forsaken
Never wave the banner of defeat
Try the men'x room cross the hall
And if some man has had the call
What villain could deny my love the Seat?

If these efforts all are vain
Why not break a window pane
Although this method's used by mighty few
We go strolling through the park
Goosing statues in the dark
If Sherman's horse can take it, Why can't you?


Hope this helps you out.

Dan Collins

DANCO330@AOL.COM


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,Latex
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 12:01 PM

While the train is in the station
Please refrain from urination
Have regard for railway property
If the the train is stationary
And you want to go quite heavy
Please don't drop you lot upon the train
Along the platform you must wander
And a penny you must squander
To relieve yourself with might and main.

Very Humeresque!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,cookieless folkiedave
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 01:18 PM

the only line(s) I remember are

When the train is at the station you must suffer constipation,
If the train can't move then why should you;,


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: quokka
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 01:23 PM

Now I understand so much more about the song "City of New Orleans" - it just says 'passengers will please refrain' and I never knew until now what they were supposed to refrain from doing!!! Isn't it a graet song???


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Rumncoke
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 11:48 AM

I remember

Railway workers underneath are apt to get it in the teeth
And they don't like it - how the Hell would you?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: oldhippie
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 12:16 PM

The second verse of the Oscar Brand version has these lyrics on one of his recordings:

If you wish to pass some water
Kindly call the pullman porter
He'll leave a vessel in the vestabule
If the porter isn't near
Then try the platform in the rear
The one in front is
Likely to be full.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Charley Noble
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 08:19 PM

Old Hippie-

"If you wish to pass some water
Kindly call the pullman porter
He'll leave a vessel in the vestabule
If the porter isn't near
Then try the platform in the rear
The one in front is
Likely to be full."

That's not the way I remember this verse by Brand:

If you wish to pass some water
Kindly call the pullman porter
He'll leave a vessel in the vestabule
If the porter isn't near
Then try the platform in the rear
The one in front is
Likely to be COOL.

You're probably correct!

Cheerily,
Charley noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 08:43 PM

If you have to pass some water
Do it in the place you orter
Please don't use my hat and be a pal
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
If you found you hat a urinal?

I also learned the first verse as:

Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station; I love you.
When the train is in the station
We must urge you constipation
If the train can't go then why should you?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: quokka
Date: 30 Jul 08 - 12:37 PM

Er... when I said 'graet' obviously I meant 'Great', as in I Love This Song!! (talking about 'City of New Orleans' here...)
Cheers,
Quokka


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: bubblyrat
Date: 30 Jul 08 - 01:37 PM

I used to play, years ago (1965) with a man from Sidmouth (!), and he/we would often do that song. It started with the "Passengers will please refrain, From passing water while the train
Is standing in the station in full view;
Railway-workers underneath,Might catch it in the eyes or teeth,
They wouldn't like it; how the Hell would YOU ?   verse, then, in similar vein;-
       Passengers will please refrain, From throwing dog-ends down the drain;
         To do a thing like that is not quite right;
    Railway-workers on the line, might try and catch them just in time,
And soggy fags are very hard to light!.   Next came;-
       Please restrain that awful notion, To stick your head out whilst in motion:
   You'll be very sorry if you do;
   A train upon the other line,Will leave your body right behind,
    And a bloody soggy mess for all to view.

   thence to;
            If twenty pounds you can afford,Pull the communication cord ( it does scan, believe me !)'
'Though you'll be that much poorer if you do.
But,if twenty pounds you do not own,
Then leave the F---ing thing alone;
And that,my friend,is my advice to you !!

this is followed by the immortal

Newlyweds within the carriage,
Please don't consumate your marriage,
   Whilst the train is standing here at Crewe;
Please restrain that nat'ral function,
'Til we get to Clapham Junction,
Where there's really sod-all else to do.


There may well have been another verse or two, but I can't remember----it was a long time ago, and I can't ask Robin Tedbury, who wrote some of the verses,as he's long gone to Fiddler's Green ( or probably Brown, in his case !! ).


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: BB
Date: 30 Jul 08 - 02:42 PM

Memories of Fred Wedlock some forty years ago in Bristol - ah, those were the days...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 30 Jul 08 - 07:06 PM

The one verse I did not see, among all the marvelous material above, was the one which usually springs first to mind hereabouts:

"Ev'ry evening, after dark, we goose the statues in the park,
If Sherman's horse can take it, why can't you?
Washington stood very firm, and Lincoln didn't even squirm,
If they can take it...darling, why can't you?"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Joe_F
Date: 30 Jul 08 - 09:00 PM

Quokka: Yes, that allusion in "City of New Orleans" is part of the charm of that song, what I call _illicitude_ (harmless illicitness). The conductor sings a mildly smutty song. There are also two allusions to race, neither very offensive; and the paper bag that holds the bottle, depriving the club car of its monopoly prices for liquor; and the public gambling for a penny a point.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 31 Jul 08 - 12:49 PM

I think there was yet another verse in a songbook by Jerry Silverman (title forgotten, but including songs guaranteed to insult someone).

After you have had a purge,
Or when you've had a natural urge.
The management requests your learn the art.

Of using roses or wisteria,
Twixt the parts of your posterior,
Guaranteed to camouflage a fart.

Roger in Baltimore


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Joe_F
Date: 31 Jul 08 - 08:56 PM

Roger: That's _The Dirty Song Book_. It also supplies the missing lines in the stanza Rapaire gives:

Picture, please, your consternation
And your righteous indignation
If, etc.

and, FWIW, the following insipid stanza:

Nothing looks much better
Than a girl who wears a sweater,
Though she may not be as big as
She appears.
Remember, boys, before you wed 'er,
Better look inside the sweater --
Or your wedding night
May end in tears.

Doesn't even scan.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 06:26 AM

My dad used to sing:
Gentlemen will please refrain
From passing water while the train
Is standing in the station (we thank you)

On a ship it doesny matter
Everything goes in the watter
(This applies to lady users too)

The rhyming of matter and watter makes me think this was a local (Scotland or possibly just Glasgow) variant.

SD


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: danensis
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 04:47 PM

There was a news story on the BBC website the other day about someone who was killed when he went to relieve himself, and accidently sprayed the live rail. Was that not a risk with toilets that discharged directly onto the track?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: BB
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 06:22 PM

I think the song stemmed from the time of steam trains, rather than electric!

Barbara


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Micca
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 06:43 PM

I remeber travelling through France by train about July 1988 and being able to see the sleepers whizzing by through the toilet as I whizzed... very disorientating it was too, and made me feel quite dizzy. my memory of the first verses ar as follows
" Gentlemen will please refrain
from flushing toilets while the train
is standing in the staion for a while
we encourage contemplation
while the train is in the station
cross your legs and grit your teeth and smile

While the train is staionery
and you want to go quite heavy
do not drop your load into the bogs
tramps and hobos underneath
will get it in the eye and teeth
thats what they get for being the underdogs"

there is more which I will add later if I can remember any of it
(this is a "drunk" song , so I only remember it when Drunk

Micca


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Joe_F
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 08:35 PM

danensis: I am skeptical. Surely, by the time the stream had hit the rail, it would have broken up into drops & not formed a conductive path. Also, the passenger would have been poorly grounded.

Cf. the apocryphal story that Benjamin Franklin, who lived near a tavern, dissuaded drunks from relieving themselves against his wall by coating it with foil & connecting a charged Leyden jar between that & ground. Si non e vero, etc., but my mother, who was an expert on Franklin, told me it was not true.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Dave Hunt
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 08:53 PM

I have it as
When the train is in the station please refrain from urination
Have respect for railway property
If you really must pass water go and find a railway porter
He'll direct you to the lavat'ry


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Mar 09 - 03:43 PM

Gentlemen must please refrain from passing water while the train
is standing in the station, tra, la, la.
Workmen working underneath
are apt to get it in their teeth
and they won't like it,
nor would you!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,Toni Mayer
Date: 03 Oct 09 - 12:20 PM

Greetings from California. Yesterday, walking into the old boxcar that served as the public restroom at a local historical museum, into my head popped the song, "Passengers will please refrain from passing water while the train is standing in the station, I love you." This morning, curious about the history of the song, I happened on this page and have been laughing at the posts and stories going back almost a decade. I seem to have conflated several versions. I loved reading verses and versions I'd not seen before.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: oldhippie
Date: 03 Oct 09 - 06:56 PM

Welcome, Toni, there's much more to Mudcat, come back often.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,Guest, De
Date: 02 May 10 - 01:21 PM

My dad used to sing:

Passengers will please refrain
from flushing toilets while the train
is standing in the station (I love you)

If you feel you must relieve
then kindly do it up your sleeve
and throw it out the window (I love you)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST
Date: 02 May 10 - 02:13 PM

I had a version which went:

When the train is at the station,
You must suffer constipation,
If the train can't move then why should you?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: Charley Noble
Date: 02 May 10 - 09:16 PM

It's really weird that there are so many alternative verses to this song. You're clearly all nuts and the version I remember is right. So there! From Oscar Brand:

Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets in the train
While in the station,
Darling, I love you.
We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station,
Moonlight always makes me think of you.

If you want to pass some water
Simpley call the pullman porter,
He'll place a vessel in the vestibule;
If the porter isn't near,
Try the platform in the rear;
The one in front is likely to be cool.

If the woman's room be taken,
Never fear the least forsaken,
Never show a sign of sad defeat;
Try the men's room 'cross the hall,
And if some man has had the call
He'll courteously relinquish you his seat.

If these efforts prove in vain
Simply break a window pane;
This novel method used by very few;
And as we go strolling through the park,
Goosing statues in the dark,
If Sherman's horse can take it,
Why can't you?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: When the train is in the station
From: GUEST,Elizabeth Olsen
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 12:19 AM

My understanding is of the infamous but beautiful bawdy version that goes:

Ladies and gents will kindly refrain
From flushing the toilet while the train
Is standing in the station -
I love you - oo - oo -oo-

If you feel you oughter water
Press the button - call the porter
And he'll place a bedpan in the aisle for you !

How I laugh at these incredibly wonderful music hall lyrics - wish I could remember more !! T'anx for the memories XOX


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Subject: RE: ADD: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 01:39 AM

The book is not close at hand a the moment, but my recollection is that "The Book of Bawdy Verse" records this one as:

Passengers will please refrain
From using toilets while the train
Is standing in the station
      (We thank you)

Constipation's recommended
While the train is being tended
If the train can't go
Then why should you.

A companion piece on the same page:

Nothing looks much better
Than a young girl in a sweater
But a sweater may not be
What it appears

Boys, it's recommended
That you see what's in the sweater
Or your wedding night might end
In bitter tears.

No source is given for either of these, and the "author" is noted only as "by A Gentleman About Town," (Checkerbooks, ISBN 0-89009-411-X) as the original printing was at a time when it was not good for one's reputation (or survival) to be known for such stuff.

I vaguely recall a couple of others to the same tune in that book, but these are the only ones I believe I recall accurately enough to quote. One of the others, I think, had something to do with a statue of a famous person and ... pigeons(?), if that jogs a memory in the darker parts of someone's recollections.

John


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Subject: RE: ADD: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 03:58 AM

Some college friends in the 1950s came up with the following [which I think genuinely original to them ~~ it appears nowhere on this thread anyhow]: ~~

Please refrain from masturbating
While the train's in station waiting,
Spunk may fall upon the man beneath
{Plate-laying}


~Michael~


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Subject: RE: ADD: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: beeliner
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 05:45 PM

...it's based on a sign that was posted in railroad car bathrooms in the days when the potty would empty directly onto the tracks beneath.

Train toilets in many European countries still so empty.


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Subject: RE: ADD: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 12:39 AM

The sign was still there in some of the rooms on the New York Central line ca 1957. As most other "equippage" apparently intended to be present was also only sporadically in place, it might be assumed that it was intended to be in all the cars.

I don't recall it being on the AT&SF train on which I made the other half of that particular trip. Most of the Santa Fe equipment was apparently much more recently built, incorporating "more civilized" features similar to cross-country buses of a later era.

John


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Subject: RE: ADD: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Andanotherthing
Date: 17 Dec 10 - 06:33 PM

My memory is of

"please don't use the wc
While the train is standing in the Station
Better wait
till you can go outside"

Can't remember the rest.


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Subject: RE: ADD: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 10 - 11:34 PM

My favorite pastime after dark
Is goosing statues in the park,
If Sherman's horse can take it, why not you?

I'll post the rest when I remember it....


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Emma
Date: 16 Feb 11 - 05:33 AM

Gentlemen will please refrain from urinating when the train is in the station darling I love you.


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: Dame Pattie Smith EPNS
Date: 16 Feb 11 - 10:49 AM

When you're on the railway train
Don't pull the communication chain
For you may have to pay a £5 fine
So ladies when you're being molested
Wait until you've been divested
It ain't worth a fiver otherwise.

Just thought I'd put that one in....


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Feb 11 - 11:30 AM

"Humoresque" and the first part of "Swanee River" can be sung or played as counterpoint to each other. Many years ago, I saw Bill Keith play them BOTH AT ONCE on the 5-string banjo - one melody with thumb and one with fingers. In between banjo solo/duets he sang either the above verses or Swanee River, alternately.

P.


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: bubblyrat
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 03:41 AM

I remember seeing a TV documentary some years ago , about the Sidmouth International (as it was ) Folk Festival , and there was a coloured man playing two tunes simultaneously on the banjo ; I was amazed and fascinated, but can't remember his name --does anyone out there know ? Sorry to digress !!


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 10:12 AM

To the tune of Humoresque
Gentlemen will please refrain from urinating in the train,
When the train is standing in the station


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 09:04 AM

I seem to remember that Chief Justice William O. Douglas of the US Supreme Court had something to do with composing this song. Here's the reference from Wikipedia:

The Erotic Muse: American Bawdy Songs says that sometime in the early 1930s, according to his autobiography, Go East, Young Man (pp. 171-72), William O. Douglas and fellow Yale law school professor Thurman Arnold were riding the New Haven Railroad and were inspired by a sign in the toilet. "Thurman and I got the idea of putting these memorable words to music, and Thurman quickly came up with the musical refrain from Humoresque."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Mar 12 - 03:53 PM

Whilst the train is in the station,
Please restrain from urination,
If you must pass water,
Ask a porter.

30 years ago on the wall of Tunbridge Wells West Station
Kent


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 03:04 AM

When the train is in the station
We encourage constipation
When the train is moving so can you.




My great uncle taught me that after he heard me play Humoresque on the violin. I laughed so hard.


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Nancy
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 06:01 PM

My mother taught me this when I was small (!!)
Her version began,

When the train is in the station
We encourage constipation.
Minnie's cats are fine, and how are you?


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 07:40 PM

Very amusing, and yet another way to popularize classical music. Dvořák will easily survive this abuse of his piece, originally for piano solo, as he did with all the other abuses (with a solo violin or with sentimental lyrics).

MichaelTheGM, I am not sure whether I understand the joke about plate-laying; something for Cambridge insiders? Could the imagined completion be something like:
Gentlemen will please refrain
from masturbating in the train
and flushing down the toilet all the goo,
lest some lass between the rails
whose suicide attempt just fails,
instead of no life may emerge with two.
? (We are four people here, of three mother tongues, and have just decided that this qualifies as folk process.)


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 11:31 PM

No, no specific Cambridge connection to my friends' rhythmic interpolation. Google 'platelaying' and you will find much about the technique of such a task on the 'permanent way', as early works on the topic call it.

~M~


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 12:25 AM

Rapparee - Benny Bell!


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 06:18 AM

Sorry, MtheGM, Google leads to a lot of information about rail building, but leaves me alone about the pun - if there is any. The only clue I found is at Urban Dictionary under plate job - is that a common practice in Cambridge?

If we are really into folk research, we must not be afraid of the lowest regions ...


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 08:56 AM

No pun ~~ just an idea of what the man under the train might have been doing which added a bit of twiddle to the end of the line. Can't quite make out what you are looking for here.


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 03:26 PM

Thanks, Michael; so at least it's not a pun that everyone understands but me. Still I wonder.


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Lord Primark
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 05:32 PM

I used to work with the steam engines at Tyseley Musuem Depot near Birmingham in the 70s.
Some of the older chaps there used to sing this song.

The version they sung was:

While the train is in the station
please refrain from urination.
Have regard for railway property.
If you wish to pass on water
go and ask a railway porter
he'll direct you to the station lavatory.

.. didn't realise it was a well known ditty.
Could be they had misremembered it, or adapted it a bit.


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Me Potter
Date: 16 Aug 15 - 05:38 AM

In the RAF we used to sing

Whwn the train is in the station
Please encourage constipation
Do ot leave a smaell upon the line
Passengers will please refarin
From passing water on the train...
(Can''t remember any mopre!)


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Sceadugenga
Date: 01 Oct 15 - 04:26 AM

This is how I remember it, two verses:

If your train is in the station please refrain from urination
have respect for railway property
If you want to pass some water go and ask a railway porter
he'll direct you to a lavatory

If your train is stationary and you want to go quite heavy
have respect for railway property,
from the carriage you must wander and a penny you must squander
to relieve yourself with might and main


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Subject: RE: Lyr: When the train is in the station (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,ffred pierssen
Date: 14 Apr 17 - 08:47 AM

Thanks for the thread. One of my band mates knows the song but I don't. However, I have memories of riding the train between Chicago and Washington DC in the early 1980's. I definitely could see (and hear) the tracks through the toilet. More recently -- 2014 -- on the Trans-Siberian Railway ("Rossiya") toilets were locked while at the station or passing through urban areas. Although the train itself was electric, the cars were heated with coal. Potential lyric material there.


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