Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 31 Dec 01 - 07:11 PM I know, I know, 'where the hell has she been?!?', right? Well, this year the family Christmas was at Moon on the Hill -- meaning that I had to plan, buy, and cook for twelve people AND clean it all up afterwards -- then, I dove into the two fantastic books I received from Dear Hubby (one down, and one-half to go...) -- then, the 28th was my darlin' middle son's birthday (more planning, buying, cooking, etc.). After dear Amos gave me a call and goosed me into remembering that I'd left y'all hanging back in Challenge! 77, I got started on html-ing y'alls songs to get them into the Book . . . and then, I decided to grind some gourmet coffee beans for Dear Hubby and myself to enjoy . . . Who remembers the incident this spring with me, the pickaxe and the phone line? . . . Yes, the top slipped off before the blades stopped turning . . . No, I didn't grind any power chords or electric lines . . . just the top of my right thumb - OUCH!!! So, it'll be a couple of days before I can complete posting the songs from Challenge! 77. Sorry. Meanwhile, let's start the New Year off with a great Challenge! idea from dear Amos -- and you 'old timers' might want to peruse the Challenge!s from the Past for that poor ol' uncle who got left under the bushes . . . well, looks like it runs in the family --
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, But Rita Got Returned To Wal-Mart OMAHA, Nebraska (Reuters) - A Nebraska woman who received an ornate box for Christmas and returned it to Wal-Mart without looking inside discovered later it contained the ashes of her recently deceased sister, a newspaper reported on Friday. Judy Money received the box as a gift from her brother who lives in Iowa. But after unwrapping the package on Christmas Eve she saw the box had a broken knob and decided to return it to Wal-Mart without ever looking at the contents inside, the Omaha World-Herald reported. When Money later confessed to her brother that she had returned his gift, he told her the box contained the ashes of their sister, who had died Dec. 11, the Herald said. Enjoy! -- Áine (the thumbless) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Amos Date: 31 Dec 01 - 08:23 PM Boy, TGG, this is really thumbthing!! I suggest you keep it open a fe days for foks to recover from their madcap evenings playing Western Roulette (its like Russian roulette, only instead of a pistol you take a car onto a public thoroughfare after ten p.m. on New Year's Eve anywhere west of Saint Petersburg, Russia). At least now everyone knows you haven't been sitting on it!! (Your thumb, I mean). So now, do you ask your guests "Would you like Thumb Coffee?". (Badabing, badaboom!).
Sister Got Donated to a Landfill and about thirty variations on getting your ashes hauled come to mind. Good to see you back -- at least most of ya!! Hope your digit converts to normal analog!! A. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Amos Date: 01 Jan 02 - 05:19 PM Well, here's an offering for the blessing of the Goddess in the forthcoming year.
I Sent My Sister to A Landfill
I never look at Xmas gifts too closely Chorus: I didn't mean to send my sister to a landfillNow I know my sister never would forgive me 'Cuz I chose the path of leisure and of wealth, She cursed my for a compromising bourgeois And went off to join with Sun Yung Moon, herself Cho. That was many years ago, when we were twenty, Cho. Now I love my triple-king size bed for sleeping. Cho. Little Sister though, she never made a penny, Cho. When I sent that tacky pine thing back to Walmart, Cho: Chorus: I didn't mean to send my sister to a landfill Regards, A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Jan 02 - 08:37 PM Amos here's my rendition for the first suggestion on your list.
Sister Was Located in a Landfill
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 02 Jan 02 - 06:45 AM Inspired by Aine's challenge, the following ditty is based on that great oul'-timer "The Boys Of Tandragee" (coincidentally a place not very far from derrymacash's birthplace!). THE BOYS OF THE CEMETERY Good luck and good health to all lovers of song I'll sing a few lines and I won't keep you long About how my oul' life began to go wrong The day that I took to the dyin'. Death is an ailment we'd all love to shift We'd love to turn down the burdensome gift That causes our friends and our kin and our kith To start weepin' and wailin' and cryin' CHORUS So here's to the boys that are deep underground Spending their death-rest snug, warm and sound Of care and concern they are mercif'lly free Those rollickin' boys in the cemetery To be buried with honour it was my desire Laid out in my coffin for all to admire Not to be burnt like a log in the fire And raked out like a grate in the morning But it was my misfortune to die unattended By family or even by those I'd befriended And so things didn't happen quite as I'd intended (A cause of even more mourning!) CHORUS Laid out in the morgue with a corpse on my right One on my left and one just out of sight What one of those boyos said filled me with fright The prospect I found quite alarming For twenty one days in this fridge you'll remain But if by that time you haven't been claimed The default resort is a dip in the flames Your oul' corpse will be ripe for the warming CHORUS I watched corpses come and I watched corpses leave Relatives mourned and relatives grieved But yet from my fate there was no reprieve They took me away for crematin' As the oul' flames were beginnin' to burn I cursed all my family, deserted and spurned And then they were sweepin' me into an urn And up on a shelf I lay waitin' CHORUS A computer analysis of my dee-en-ah Proved kinship with Judy in far Omaha And so they packed up my funeral jar And despatched it with no special trappin's And it bein' the time that we all know as Yule Jude met the postman and thought "Oh how cool!" She started to dribble and started to drool As she tore like a beast at the wrappin' CHORUS But her hopes for a gift of renown were soon dashed She moaned with dismay "A box full of ash!" For she had been naughty, haughty and brash Bitchy and mean and unpleasant And she imagined St Nick sort the bad and the good In the former compartment placing our Jude And scooping the remnants of burnt-out firewood And making them into her present CHORUS And so with a clang and a bang and a crash Jude picked up the box containing my ash And chucked it into the bin that stores trash No piper, no fancy oration! And now I must lie in a stinking oul' pit Surrounded by fish-heads, cabbage leaves, shit If I was alive, I would issue a writ And seek some just reparation CHORUS
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Amos Date: 02 Jan 02 - 09:54 AM LOL, lads!! Beautiful work indeed. Derry, you should go on the pro circuit with your tongue as gold as all that!! Great stuff!! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 02 Jan 02 - 10:12 AM Amos ... What pro circuit would that be? Can't imagine there'd be much call for someone who parodies obscure (sometimes very - possibly wilfully - so) traditional songs to order ... but then again as John Prine says (and I'm not fit to argue) it's a big ol' goofy world ...
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Charley Noble Date: 02 Jan 02 - 10:51 AM Maybe I can work out something with that old time country tearjerker "Little Rosewood Casket" but don't wait for me; the rest of you are more than welcome to try it on for size. If it doesn't work, you can always return the results to Wal-Mart! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 02 Jan 02 - 11:46 AM The following goes to the air of "Patrick's Arrival" which I've only ever heard sung by Christy Moore on his album "The Iron Behind The Velvet". It's a lovely tune … This is another "oblique" response to one of Áine's challenge!s. Sometimes the original idea's "laterals" strike a chord with me and the result is a far cry from the original story … THE STATE-SANCTIONED FLAME You've heard of the brave Joan of Arc She burnt with barely a grumble As the flames grew from a spark She was heard some few prayers to mumble And those who were there at her pyre Say she went calmly and bravely While others sentenced to fire Were screaming and hollering "Save me" "Help" and such other things … Those who worshipped Oul' Nick In days that we cannot remember Were burnt when tied to a stick And thereby reduced to mere embers They say that quite often the fate Was one they didn't deserve And a few went to death quite irate "Call this justice? You've got a quare nerve!" (But the flames shut them up in the end …) But now in the era of light In the era of civilisation The state sets no-one alight In pursuit of rehabilitation But now when we shake off the coil The state urges incineration There's so little room in the soil They ask us to opt for cremation (And a scattering, if we desire …) But ashes are fickle debris Easy victim to vapours and humours Happier folks we would be If we knew that the earth would entomb us Not to be flambeéd or fried Not to be flame-grilled or seared But in a fine box to reside Complete with a long silver beard (Or some other sign of great age …)
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: MMario Date: 02 Jan 02 - 12:02 PM ASHES (Tune: Memory - from CATS!) Ashes! All alone in the dumpster Has my family forgot me? Once again, I'm alone In the darkness Mold and garbage collect around me And the worms, begin to crawl Ashes! Still alone in the dumpster I remember the old days I had a body back then I remember a time I knew what living well was Wish I was living, once again Still the dumpster seems to shimmer A winter cold dark warning Some one mutters, the lid goes shudder More trash soon is coming More light! Someone searches by flashlight Sister comes to my rescue (but I will not forgive) On her mantle She puts me on constant display In a new box, bought today. No more broken, Walmart boxes No more trash bins and dumpsters A new urn holds me, a new wheel turning Another life unfolding Ashes Do not ever forget me! How you thoughtlessly left me Threw me out with the trash If you think you Are forgiven you should think again Look! I'll haunt you Once again!
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Genie Date: 02 Jan 02 - 04:53 PM So sorry about your thumb, Áine! I sliced off the tip of my left index finger a few years ago, so I can (painfully) relate. I hope it doesn't hurt your playing much.
Welcome back! Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 02 Jan 02 - 07:43 PM I do believe that some Silver B.L.O.B.s are in order here! ;-) Now that my thumb is less swollen and finally fits into a bandaid, I'm back in shape to dish 'em out!
To Amos, for 'keeping up appearances' around here with: -- Áine (the less thumbless . . .) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Matthew Edwards Date: 02 Jan 02 - 09:47 PM This is definitely an "Ashes to ashes" story if ever I heard one, so something to the tune of Didn't He Ramble seems appropriate. My mother raised up three young kids, Rita, Marv, and me, But Rita was the rambler in our family. She rambled in Iowa, in the country and the town, She rambled every night and day, 'til the butcher cut her down. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If the rambling don't get you, the landfill must. Now Marvin put her ashes in an ornate little box, He posted it to Omaha, but the postman broke the locks. I took the box to Wal-Mart, to change it for some cash, They threw it out the back door to mingle with the trash. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If the rambling don't get you, the landfill must. So don't you go a rambling; you'll be cut down in your prime, You'll be lying in a landfill tip long before your time. The moral of this story is - remember if you're able - Post your Christmas gifts in time, and don't forget the label! Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If the rambling don't get you, the landfill must. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Amos Date: 02 Jan 02 - 11:39 PM Great number, Matthew!! Especialy the punchline! A. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Genie Date: 03 Jan 02 - 02:05 AM Well, personally, I find it hard to be as funny with this one as with #77 (due to the subject matter), but here goes:
Will My Sister's Box Be Broken |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 03 Jan 02 - 04:13 AM MMario, that was MMahvelous!! Derry, you are delightfully mad, as usual! Sonja
Unfortunate Miss Rita |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 03 Jan 02 - 04:47 AM A skit on "Ring of Fire" BURNED THEN SPURNED By Johnny Ash Death is a dreadful thing With the threat of the fiery sting I went not gentle, went not mild Ooooh, and the fire went wild CHORUS I fell into a burning ring of fire I went down, down, and the flames leapt higher I've been burned then spurned The ring of fire The ring of fire Sister Judy's sweet I think. We don't much meet. She lives out in Omaha Me I moved to Iowa CHORUS But Sister Judy, she was miffed What a crappy Christmas gift Just a box that's full of ash I think I'll chuck it in the trash CHORUS When she found out her mistake Sister Judy's heart did break But then for joy did Judy jump Found my box at the city dump CHORUS Now Sister Judy's built a shrine Got a little light that shines My remains are on display Until Judy's dying day CHORUS
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 03 Jan 02 - 08:07 AM Trust the journalists to get the wrong end of the stick! This was not a callous, unthinking act. You see, as the following little ditty points out, Judy had little option other than to reject her poor sister's final remains … To the tune of that schmaltzy Dolly Parton classic (?!), "Jeannie's Afraid Of The Dark". If you're not familiar with the song, then you're one lucky 'catter, but the following won't make much sense. Probably a small price to pay. (Sorry Dolly, but it's just about as excruciatingly awful as "Old Shep" or "Put My Little Shoes Away"!) Ladeeez and gennilmen, I give you … JUDY'S AFRAID OF WAL-MART Her two little feet would come running into Our bedroom almost every night Her soft little cheeks would be wet from her tears Her little heart pounding with fright In a voice racked with sobs, she'd cry and explain "A shop nightmare woke me with a start. Oh Mummy and Daddy, can I sleep with you? Cos Judy's afraid of Wal-Mart." One day in the summer we went to the mall And we parked in an excellent spot But Judy refused to abandon the car She'd stay where she was, though real hot We pleaded and begged, but she shook her wee head "From this vehicle I will not depart Mummy and Daddy, please don't make me shop Cos Judy's afraid of Wal-Mart" (Spoken in a trembly, breathy, voice) Judy was always afraid of Wal-Mart And we could never understand why Cos we always bought her her very favourite things there For Judy was our most spoilt child If it hadn't been for that wretched irrational fear Then the ashes thing wouldn't have happened No-one was to know, I guess But when she thought the box was from Wal-Mart, she panicked Took us two days to find those ashes I spray painted "Not from Wal-Mart" All over her poor dead sister's ashes Cos Judy's afraid of Wal-Mart Judy's afraid of Wal-Mart
first verse edited per request by mudelf ;-)
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 03 Jan 02 - 08:09 AM bugger ... third from end line of first verse should have read "A shop nightmare woke me WITH a start"
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Fibula Mattock Date: 03 Jan 02 - 09:18 AM heh heh hee - I'm still chuckling over these songs! Okay, here's my offering.
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Amos Date: 03 Jan 02 - 09:20 AM Wow. Wow. What talent! A. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 03 Jan 02 - 10:20 AM Fibula ... Ye boy ye! Now ... in your mind's ewar as you wrote did you hear the Paul Brady/Bob Dylan setting or the Planxty setting or "the other one" (he says, aware of a third common setting which most people he knows sing but doesn't have recorded anywhere)? And to the helpful mudelf (mudhelpf?) go raibh mile maith agat, a chara chairde! fáilte romhat - an mhudelf í féin ;-) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 03 Jan 02 - 10:23 AM Oh boy! More great submissions from my darlin's! Time for more Silver B.L.O.B. slingin' ;-) --
To Matthew Edwards for a fantastically funny moral for this story with: -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Fibula Mattock Date: 03 Jan 02 - 10:39 AM derrymacash - the Planxty one - the definitive one I think! Even though when I was wee I was convinced they were singing "reindeer" instead of "rapier". (oh - and much as I like "ye boy ye", I'm definitely a girl!) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 03 Jan 02 - 11:15 AM Sorry Fibula ... I don't know why but I've always imagined from the occasional threads where we've crossed that you were of a male persuasion ... funny how these ideas take root with no basis ... mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa, etc. Interesting that you lean towards the Planxty version rather than towards Paul Brady's. I've always regarded his as the definitive rendering. Maybe it's just the more dramatic rendering. (I have a lot of time for Planxty's version as well ... it sits head and shoulders above some of the other songs on that first album!) As coincidence would have it, my wife's off for a few days with the kids to visit her ma in Birmingham, so I'm planning to use the rare opportunity of an empty house to do some recording. I've recently discovered the joys of accompanying tunes/songs on a mandola tuned DGDG and want to incorporate this into my home recordings. One of the songs I had planned to record is Arthur McBride. Oh before closing this message a word of apology to Áine. I PM'd you, raising a query about "the list". I now realise that my query was premature. I see I still have a hurdle to clear. (Sorry to everyone else if this is a bit cryptic. Think of this as a little glimpse into the murky underworld of Áine's song challenge!s!) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: GUEST,Deda Date: 03 Jan 02 - 11:53 AM Yikes. As the resident Little Sister, I have to say I'm scared out of my wits by all this. ("What's to become of me? What am I fit for? What have you left me fit for?" -- Eliza Doolittle in GBShaw's Pygmalion.) I'll try to come up with an offering -- but this collection of brilliance is as intimidating as ever. Welcome back, Aine -- sorry about your thumb, hope it recovers well and speedily. We really missed you! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 03 Jan 02 - 11:58 AM Hey Deda! I finally found your PM under my 'alter ego' -- I hope that it's not too late for the info, but to access (all) the Song Challenges of the Past, go to the Song Challenge! Winners page, and click on 'Song Challenge!s From the Past'. That should get you to where you want to go. And don't forget that the 'challenge' is not between the Challenge!rs, but for your own imagination . . . everyone's a winner here, darlin'! ;-) -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 03 Jan 02 - 02:40 PM Tired of (Nuttin' For) Christmas
The wreaths went up Thanksgiving Day;
Oh, I'm gettin' tired of Christmas Does anyone else feel this way? If you do add a verse!! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: MMario Date: 03 Jan 02 - 02:59 PM well Jack - if Christmas wasn't STARTED so early - the traditional twelve days of Christmas wouldn't bug everybody. December 25th is the BEGINNING of a twelve day celebration, remember. It's not our fault the commercial world starts it a month earlier! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 03 Jan 02 - 04:28 PM With a nod to Uncle Frank, here is my humble submission for your perusal. I don't have a tune, so feel free to plug one in yourselves! ;-) -- Áine
Annie's Ashes Have Gone Missin' |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Clifton53 Date: 03 Jan 02 - 05:19 PM Garbage Hopper Blues S'bad enough I'm dead Lord, and should be buried in the clay Yes it's bad enough I'm dead Lord, I should be buried in the clay But my sister in Nebraska, she threw my poor remains away Well my brother he's no genius, but he has a golden heart Yes my brother ain't no genius, but he has a golden heart So he shipped me off to sister, in a box from old Wal-Mart Well the trip was long and lonely, I'm movin' on from sun to sun Yes the trip was long and lonely, I'm movin'on from sun to sun I ain't too happy in this carton, I wish this god-damn trip was done Safe now in Nebraska, I guess my brother done his job Yes I'm safe now in Nebraska, I guess my brother done his job But my trip ain't over yet babe, 'cause of a stupid broken knob Just wanna rest in peace Lord, don't wanna cause a family rift I just wanna rest in peace Lord, don't wanna cause no family rift See my brother put my ashes, in my sister's Christmas gift Well my sister she just tossed me, like a worn out pair of shoes Yes my sister she just tossed me, like a worn out pair of shoes Sent me to eternal rest Lord, with the Garbage Hopper Blues Clifton |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Genie Date: 03 Jan 02 - 06:41 PM The Landfill of Omaha Words by Genie Tune: The Streets of Laredo As I looked out over the Omaha landfill, As I looked it over one cold Boxing Day, I spied a young couple all covered in garbage A-rummaging through the debris in dismay. "I can see by your outfit that you're a bag lady, I can see by his outfit that he's homeless, too. Good folk, let me offer a ride to yon shelter-- If you sit through the sermon, they'll give you beef stew." "Oh, no," cried young Judy, "You're sorely mistaken! We're both from Nebraska's society class! We made the mistake once of shopping at Wal-Mart, And this is our penance for that social gaffe! Quoth Marvin, "For Judy I bought a small present, A small box with contents I had not disclosed. Inside were the ashes of our dear lost sister Who perished from junk that she put up her nose. "'For fun in Nebraska she used to go slumming 'High times in the saddle,' as she used to say. It first led to drinking, and then banjo-playing And then that arrest---now she lies here today! "'Twas inside that small box her ashes were resting, That broken box Judy returned to the mall. But Wal-Mart won't hold junk (unless they can sell it), So they tossed sister out with the garbage and all. "We should've just buried her inside a coffin With six burly hunks to lay her down to rest-- Just like old days (except she's, like, dead now)! Instead she got trashed (and we both look a mess)! "Oh, we've searched the dump slowly, our backs bending lowly-- At last her sarcophagus box we did find! Now she won't spend eternity with a rat fraternity--- She just needs repackaging and she'll smell fine!" Said Judy to Marvin, "Though I may be starvin' You won't catch me dead in a Wal-Mart again! Now, take me to Nordstrom's and lay some cash on me For I am in mourning and it eases my pain!" verses edited per request by mudelf ;-) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Amos Date: 03 Jan 02 - 07:00 PM Genie: That's gotta be your best yet!! ROFLMAO!! Pure gold!!! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Bradypus Date: 03 Jan 02 - 07:07 PM Nice one, Genie! This one doesn't have a tune, but it might work with a sort of country approach -
Unwanted Presents
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Genie Date: 03 Jan 02 - 08:57 PM Amos, Glad you approve! Mudself, can you correct two typos in my last post, please? The line "It first lead to drinking, and then banjo-playing " should read "It first led to drinking ... ." Also, please remove the first "just" in the line "We just should've just buried her inside a coffin" Thanks, Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 03 Jan 02 - 10:03 PM Well, well, well -- It appears that you all are warmin' up to this real nice! ;-) Here are the latest Silver B.L.O.B.s to be slung at some wonderful songsters: To Clifton53 for his fantastic bluesy rendition with: Well the trip was long and lonely, I'm movin' on from sun to sun Yes the trip was long and lonely, I'm movin'on from sun to sun I ain't too happy in this carton, I wish this god-damn trip was done To Genie, a Golden B.L.O.B. (suitable for hanging on the next Christmas tree!) for: "We should've just buried her inside a coffin With six burly hunks to lay her down to rest-- Just like old days (except she's, like, dead now)! Instead she got trashed (and we both look a mess)! And to Bradypus, for this spooky little set: Unwanted presence A chill and spooky air What an unwanted presence I feel her everywhere A haunting unwanted presence Because I took no care My sister's unwanted presence Is with me everywhere. Brilliant! -- Áine (whose thumb was getting better until she took a little (more) off the side last night with her brand-new veggie chopper! Dang, looks like I'll have to be counting my fingers everytime I make stew from now on . . .) (P.S. -- Didn't anyone like my humble submission above? Sniff, sniff . . .) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Amos Date: 03 Jan 02 - 10:32 PM Well, personally, I thought it was terrific. But ya know, Aine, what it is, see, is people are beginning to tak about how crazy I am. About your songs, I mean. They're starting rumors on the wenchnet about us. My transcriber is getting suspicious. And her old man is sharpening his over-and-under. So I am a little nervous here. But just between you and me, I loved it. :>) A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 03 Jan 02 - 10:50 PM Ah well, dear Bard, you can't be blamed for your fondness for the lyrical lithesomeness of TGG . . . you see, you have partaken of the Magic Chili and drunk from the enchanted glass of Guinness . . . in other words, 'She put a spell on you' ;-) -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 03 Jan 02 - 11:34 PM Well, Cats, I've spent way too much time on Song Challenge!s recently, so I may or may not get around to doing anything with any of therse. In the marvelous spirit of Amos, who posted some great beginnings above, I offere these as take-off points for fine poetry and fun. Sonja •Ye Smelly Dumps of Omaha Ye Banks and Braes O' Bonnie Doon •Paradise Oh, brother, won't you take me to the Omaha Wal-mart To the sales refund counter, our sister to save? "I'm so sorry, folks, but you're too late in asking For an Omaha dump truck has hauled her away." •She Lies in the Dump Like a Stale Chunk of Cheese (The Man on the Flying Trapeze) •The Dumps Of Omaha (The Ducks of Magheralin, The Fields of Athenry or The Lakes of Ponchartrain) •Tune: Clementine Omaha dump, Omaha dump, Omaha dump on my mind. Sis was lost and gone within you, Now her ashes we must find! • Bury Me Not In The Garbage Heap Bury Me Not on the Lone Prairie •That Landfill Near Omaha (That Valley Near Slievenamon) •Come back, little sister. (Come back, Paddy Reilly) Oh come back, sister darlin', from Omaha's dump Oh, come back, little sister, to me. •Among The Junk and Trash (Among My Souvenirs) • My Kid Sister's Box (My Grandfather's Clock) •The Keeper (Among the Garbage Green-O) •The Omaha Dump (The Eddystone Light or Piney Wood Hills • Wild Mountain Thyme And we'll both go to get her mid the garbage and slime Out within the dumps Nebraskan Lies your sister and mine. • The Ash Hunt (The Ash Grove) • St James Infirmary (Omaha Landfill) I went down to the Omaha landfill To find my sister there She was scattered among the garbage So gray, so cold, so bare. • She's in The Landfill Now (I'm In The Jailhouse Now) • Grey Is The Color Of My Sister's Ash • House Of the Rising Sun There is a dump in Omaha they call the great Landfill It's the resting place of many a poor girl And our sister, she's there still! • The Last Time Ever I Saw Her Box • Ashes In The Box (Whiskey In The Jar) • The Marvelous Toy (just seems ripe for a picturesque parody • Dark As A Dungeon (Dank As A Dung Heap) • So, Long, It's Been Good To Know Ya • Jude and Marvin's Rag-tag Band (Alexander's Ragtime Band) • Early Morning Rain In The Early Morning Rain, sifting through the piles of trash With an achin' in our hearts Lookin' for our sister's ash. She was resting in a box Bought from Wal-Mart's mark-down rack. Now the box is in the dump And we're trying to get her back. • Blowin' In The Wind Her ashes, my friend, are scattered to the winds ... . • In The Dump Again (On The Road Again) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Clifton53 Date: 04 Jan 02 - 12:05 AM Good Lord Aine!! Get the Hell out of your kitchen, lest you be dis-numbered and flash a 'natchul peace sign!! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Genie Date: 04 Jan 02 - 03:07 AM Áine, your "Annie's Ashes Have Gone Missing" is great -- especially that "remains" double entendre! Genie Sonja, old buddy,
If you don't get around to doing anything with Ye Smelly Dumps of Omaha, Paradise, She Lies In the Dump Like Grated Stale Cheese, or Clementine (O-ma-ha Dump), I may jump in there and follow up on one or two of 'em myself.
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 04 Jan 02 - 10:51 AM A one-off diversion into a parody of an 80s pop song … David Bowie's Ashes to Ashes … I should really stick with stuff I'm familiar with … I'm far happier tearing the ass out of The Ducks of Magheralin or Phil The Fluter's Ball or Nell Flaherty's Drake. But there you go. How could anyone resist parodying "Ashes to Ashes" in this thread? By the way … if you think the following is a tad oblique, you ought to read the original! Do you remember your sister, Jude? I moved out to Iowa I got a pain in my chest today Oh no, don't say it's true I got a visit from the Reaper Grim I'm happy, hope you're happy too Got a call to come pick you up Sordid details following This perpetual nothing is killing me Pictures of suburbs replaying Too little money and way too much hair It's time to get going Ashes to ashes funk to funky Judy chucked me on the junkheap Better kiss heaven bye bye I'm at an all-time low Time and again I tell myself They'll find me tonight But the passing of time just deepens me Oh no, not again I'm stuck with a dead rat again I'm happy, hope you're happy too One lick of flame and I'm like a smoking pistol I never done good things I never done bad things Relocated to Iowa out of the blue Which I'd listened to mum's advice I want to come home right now Ashes to ashes funk to funky Judy chucked me on the junkheap Better kiss heaven bye bye I'm at an all-time low My mama said you'll not go far If ever you move to Iowa (repeat ad nauseam)
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 04 Jan 02 - 12:01 PM Dear Genie -- I wish I could take credit for the marvelous double entendre you mentioned; however, that bit of lyrical lithesomeness was propounded by Ms. ;-) Fibula Mattock in this verse: And as for the box, well we found it at last But by that stage the best part of Christmas had passed But we took her back home and we cleaned her up fast To make sure she "remains" in the family; But if you are tempted when Christmas comes round To put your relations six feet underground Remember to check where the buggers are bound Or have a hell of time trying to find them. Fantastic, I agree!!
And here's a Silver B.L.O.B. to Sonja, who didn't have time to write a song, but had time to list some pretty funny stuff, for this hilarious bit o' the chip, offered as inspiration to all of us: -- Áine (P.S. Dear Clifton - I'm taking your advice ;-) After all the cook(e)ing I did over the last few days, there's more than enough leftovers to go 'round for the weekend!) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Deda Date: 04 Jan 02 - 06:45 PM Took me too long, I know, but better late than... As a grammar nerd I hate to hear people turning nouns into verbs -- but for lyrics it's a handy little gimmick.
Tune = Johnny Paycheck's Take this job and shove it
(CHORUS) This family can just shove it
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Amos Date: 04 Jan 02 - 07:01 PM Dang, Deda!! You got the Real Deal Doodah!! That's really funny!! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: MMario Date: 04 Jan 02 - 07:08 PM not laughing out loud - but did almost choke on my soda!
This family can just shove it brava! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Genie Date: 05 Jan 02 - 05:50 AM Omaha Dump Words: Genie (Chorus borrowed, with permission, from Sonja) Tune: Clementine Chorus: Omaha dump, Omaha dump, Omaha dump dank with grime! Sister's lost and gone within ya, Now her ashes we must find. In a landfill in a cavern Excavating for some ash Crawled Nebraskans with their bare hands Sifting through the miles of trash. Chorus Diapers, bras and sheit* and feathers, Sandal shoes and gum and twine Herring boxes and old mopses They must search, their sis to find. Chorus "Drove to Wal-Mart Christmas Eve just To return bad merchandise; Didn't know our sis was in there, Having met her sad demise. Chorus "Rube-ish clerks there at the Wal-Mart Blew our chance to take her back; 'Way too fast to the trash they cast 'er, So we're here--Gawd! What a drag!!" Chorus In a corner of the landfill Where glow eerie, crawly bugs, There they found their dear departed 'Mid tin cans and Gallo jugs. Chorus How they kissed her, how they kissed her, How they kissed her little box! Now they've ashes on their glasses And a mouthful of dirty rocks! Chorus |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Genie Date: 05 Jan 02 - 05:58 AM Áine, I'll admit I did misplace the "remains" pun, but I really did ejnoy your poem. If I had the power to bestow B.L.O.B.s, I'd give you at least a silver one for:
"On my third jar of white lightnin'
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 05 Jan 02 - 11:46 AM Alrightey, here are the Silver B.L.O.B.s for this fine soft Saturday morn: To Deda (who obviously is a chip of that ol' hunk of a brother of hers!) for this wonderful and witty verse: Sister Judy is fancy-ass long-nose snob Brother Marvin is a dope They had to scramble around the city dump I was laughing fit to choke! One of these days I'm gonna rattle my chains And hoot and howl and shriek And scare their sorry backsides To the middle of next week And to Genie, for this Spittoon-qualifying bit of hilarity: How they kissed her, how they kissed her, How they kissed her little box! Now they've ashes on their glasses And a mouthful of dirty rocks! You go girls! ;-) -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Deda Date: 05 Jan 02 - 09:39 PM This was a rich batch all around, and I loved the Clementine version! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 06 Jan 02 - 12:29 PM Fantastic, wunnerful and amazin' start to 2002, dear Challenge!rs!! Yee-haw to each and everyone of you! Here are the first Golden Cow Chips for the year -- cudos, congrats and well done to everyone: Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song): Ashes to Ashes Funk to Funky by derrymacash The Sister Who Died by Fibula Mattock Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears): Ashes To Ashes by Matthew Edwards I Sent My Sister to A Landfill by Amos Judy's Afraid of Wal-Mart by derrymacash Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song): The Landfill of Omaha by Genie Sister Was Located in a Landfill by Jack the Sailor Unfortunate Miss Rita by Sonja Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen): Omaha Dump by Genie Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield (Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic): Garbage Hopper Blues by Clifton53 Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!): Burned Then Spurned by Johnny Ash (a/k/a derrymacash) This Family Can Just Shove It! by Deda Will My Sister's Box Be Broken by Genie Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song): Ashes by MMario The Boys of the Cemetery by derrymacash The State-Sanctioned Flame by derrymacash Unwanted Presents by Bradypus Now don't let those pencils, pens and/or crayons get too cold -- No. 79 is a comin' down the track real soon! ;-) -- Áine
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: GUEST Date: 07 Jan 02 - 01:04 AM I'm posting this without knowing whether the competition is still open or not, and its hook line is stol ... borrowed from Sonja's suggestions above. Like our beloved Derrymacash sometimes does, I've used the newspaper story as a springboard for a flight of fancy that goes far beyond its details. Calico She Lies In The Dump (Like Grated Stale Cheese) Once she was happy, thought life was a joke, (Chorus) Our young sister's stage name was Flicka Yabick, She'd smile towards the bar at the bozos, (Chorus) Her sister and brother were both so ashamed Then their Flicka grew frail and much thinner, (Chorus) "Her lesson now learned, and her body now burned, (Chorus) The day after Christmas, they went to the Wal- So, quick-like and frantic and dressed to the nines, Now, |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 07 Jan 02 - 05:10 AM Not my place to say this, but I'm sure Áine'll forgive me. There's no such things as last orders at the Song Challenge! bar. (Beloved? Jaysus! I'm getting a reddener, so I am!) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Genie Date: 07 Jan 02 - 02:23 PM Aw, ya know we luv ya, Derry! Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 07 Jan 02 - 06:41 PM derrymacash is absolutely right, Calico -- It's never too late for a Song Challenge! -- and yours is an excellent submission; proof once again that it's better late than never! ;-) And for your 'daring' effort, you are hereby awarded The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen) Congratulations, Calico -- And I know we're all hoping that you'll become a permanent part of the Challenge! party!! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 02 Jan 03 - 12:05 PM refresh. So folks can revisit one of Amos' fave raves. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78 From: Áine Date: 02 Jan 03 - 12:07 PM Youch! I remember this one . . . luckily, I haven't cut my thumb off again (lately) *BG* -- Áine (the re-thumbed) |
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