BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners

Subject: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 02:38 AM

I was asked the other day what my favorite saying was-Most often I use... "I have a hundred year life plan ahead of me" Another favorite- " Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice!" Another from Tom Robbins (came to mind on the depression thread) "Depression is a form of self-pity, and self-pity is a form of taking life too seriously." One more- from Jostein Gaarder, "If our brain was simple enough to understand it,we would be so stupid we wouldn't be able to understand it after all." Anyone else have any?? Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 03:25 AM

There is so much bad in the best of us
And so much good in the worst of us
That it hardly behooves any of us
To talk about the rest of us!

This from Ruth Gordon: "If you didn't know how old you were, how old would you be?"

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: jup
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 03:59 AM

The older I get the better I was! About as popular as a turd in a swimming pool! Thats two. Jup.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 04:15 AM

Life is like a meat pie. However hard you bake it, there's always a crust on the outside...

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: sian, west wales
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 04:23 AM

Heard on BBC Wales this week: If you can't be kind, be vague.

And from my mother:

You never know when you go to sit,
Where the man in the balconey's gonna spit.

sian, west wales

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 04:25 AM

Frankly, I think that self pity is better than none at all.

:)

Eb

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 04:33 AM

My favorite? "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever."
Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 04:40 AM

I have various sayings all of them stupid but various people have picked up on them and have started saying them. When someone sings a brill song I have a habit of saying 'Double-fantastic. A drink on a stick !!' I have a mate who comes out with things like 'Hows your belly for spots ?' and 'How's your mother off for washing powder ?'

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: SeanM
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 04:40 AM

Early to rise and early to bed
Makes a man Healthy, but socially dead

And another favorite,
If you can't set a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

M

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Cllr
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 04:56 AM

"Oh bother" said Pooh, as he stuffed Piglet's lifless body into the dustbin.Cllr

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,swirlygirl
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 08:52 AM

"Girl's you've got to know when it's time to turn the page, when you're only wet because of the rain..."

:)

xxx

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 08:56 AM

Wasn't it (fill in forgotten actor's name, she was in 9 to 5 and wasn't dolly parton, she was in lots of things, I know who it is!! Where O where is my brain today?) who said I always wanted to be somebody... guess I should have been more specific!

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Lyndi-Loo
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:12 AM

I wouldn't want to join a club that would have me as a member
Grouch Marks
She thinks her piss is whisky (about a vain person)
My mother - God bless her

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Lyndi-loo
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:14 AM

Sorry, I think I've just developed dyslexia. That should be Groucho Marx

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Russ
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:14 AM

No matter where you go, there you are. (Buckaroo Banzai)

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:35 AM

Mrrzy - was it Lily Tomlin? That's the other actress I remember from 9 to 5. But there was another one?
It was a long time ago I watched that...
Kris

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Murph10566
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:38 AM

To Mrrzy - Either Lily Tomlin or Jane Fonda ?

One of my favorites is by Ben Franklin:

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Happy Murph

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:40 AM

"Be yourself -- everyone else is taken."

"All that glitters may not be gold, but at least it contains free electrons."

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Kim C
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 10:15 AM

One day Mister burst forth with this little gem: Sometimes ya pokes the cow, and sometimes the cow pokes you. Another one he likes to say, that he didn't make up, is: A bear sleeps in a bear skin, I suppose; I slept in my bare skin and damn near froze.

A faithful heart makes wishes come true. - from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. - from O Brother

Badger me not with details. - from A Knight's Tale

Serenity NOW! - from Seinfeld

Anything John Prine ever wrote.

I think he said, the sheriff is near. - from... well, y'all know where it's from. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: JedMarum
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 10:20 AM

these are great!

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,swirlygirl
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 10:32 AM

Some days you have to accept that you're the statue and other days you're the pigeon...

:)

xxx

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 11:17 AM

Mark Knopfler sang, "sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug."
And, apropos to the emotions that are running high around here among some people, someone said (perhaps it was even me, although I don't want to take credit for it,)"You get the life you receive." I liked the way that Kendal said it better, though.
Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 11:18 AM

I know I should read things before I post them... the line is, "You get the life you PERcieve." Please be kind...
Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 11:25 AM

"The harder I worked the luckier I got"...Norman Wisdom

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Midchuck
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 11:28 AM

Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.

You get what you pay for. (Not by any means strictly true in all cases, but worth considering when something seems like a really good deal.)

Afore I was desperate enuff to use your brains, I'd use my own! (Pogo, of course. The second saddest thing about growing older is that fewer and fewer people remember Pogo.)

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,bbc at work
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 11:38 AM

From my mom in Missouri: It wouldn't be noticed on a galloping horse.

Upgrade from my fantasy-loving son: It wouldn't be noticed on a *flying* horse!

bbc, keeping tradition alive in the family

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Pooby
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 11:52 AM

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. (Groucho Marx)

When you assume, you make an ass out of U and Me. (Felix Unger)

All that is gold does not glitter. (I think it was either Samwise Gamgee or Frodo Baggins)

The drunker I sit here, the longer I get. (Anon.)

Just a sampling, mind you.

Pooby

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Les/ Manchester uk
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 12:21 PM

If their is one thing I would like to know, it's where I am going to die. Because If I knew, I wouldn't go there.

Once upon a time their were 2 rabbits, look how many their are now.

What has 7 eyes and cannot see? Three blind mice and half a pigs head

The dyslexic assassins of Iran would like to appologies for the death of Willie Rushton. OK. that was a joke.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 12:33 PM

ah yes....Bumper sticker philosophy........Gotta' love it.

I have a couple that I tend use myself:

"If I laugh at any mortal thing, 'tis that I may not weep."
......George Gordon (Lord Byron)

"There is only what is; what should be never existed."
......Leonard A. Schneider, Stand-Up Philosopher (Lenny Bruce)

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 12:35 PM

When a deal looks too good to be true.....It usually is !

After a particularly BAD joke (or an attempt to BS me that didn't work) I have been heard to mutter
"Yes, very good. Now sit back in your chair and we'll plug it in"

One of my Father's was
"If "If"s and "And"s were pots and pans, we'd have no need of tinkers".

Another one of Dad's that I've found myself using -
"I'm not quite as green as I'm cabbage looking"

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: kendall
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 12:39 PM

No amount of belief can create a fact. We have met the enemy, and, he is us. (Pogo) I'm not the man I used to think I was. (not sure, maybe mine) Music hath charm to soothe the savage BREAST.(Congreve) All that GLISTERS is not gold. Shakespere) Brevity is the soul of wit. (Shakespere) I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees.(Irish proverb?) Iron is tempered by fire, mankind by adversity. (Seneca)

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 12:43 PM

Well geez Kendall, that crap just goes to show how little Shakespeare actually knew. I think Dorothy Parker had it better with, "Brevity is the soul of lingerie."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 12:47 PM

Expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed ....(words from my mother which unfortunately ring true more times than not.)

LL

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 12:50 PM

That's the thing about being a pessimist, you don't get disappointed.

W

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 12:57 PM

I have WAY too many to consider what to choose, because the WWW and internet not only collect them, but offer you programs to insert them into your email, sign your newsgroups posts....and generally inundate you with so much cleverness by others that you may give up trying to BE clever yourself!

do you doubt me?....do a Google search on "taglines" or "signatures"

...but, my Daddy used to have a bunch:

"...next October, at 4 o'clock"
(when asked when he'd get something done) "...you do, and you'll clean it up!"....(when someone said something in a foreign language)
"...

the one I invented was "Entropy will get you, if you don't watch out!...In fact, Entropy will get you even if you DO watch out"

*thinking of 'good' ones to offer*

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 01:04 PM

You`re looking well,are you sick?.Paddy Joe.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 01:11 PM

following my own advice, I searched and found:

"Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks." Goethe

"All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few." Stendhal

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." Galileo Galilei

"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball." Doug Larson

happy hunting!

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 01:14 PM

bbc, my son the engineer says, "Can't see it from my house." Also, "Good enough for government work."

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Mickey191
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 01:18 PM

Two good pieces of advice. Never lick a steak knife,and never take a laxative and sleeping pill together. Slainte

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 01:21 PM

Ahhhhh, LET'S GET NUDE! Ol bobert's just funnin' folks.

How about your dad's advice for you after you jumped from the roof into an inflatable swimming pool and ii is obvious to everyone that what you need is an ambulance. Ahhhh, SHAKE IT OFF, KID!

Or my favorite. Ahhh, IF THE LORD LOOKS AFTER FOOLS AND KIDS THEN I GOT DOUBLE COVERAGE!...

And, lastly, froms Tweedsburg. DUCT TAPE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND!

the bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 01:21 PM

Your looking well, are you sick?. Paddy Joe.

Subject: My Laws... stolen as they may be
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 01:22 PM

CLINTON'S LAWS

1 Unconditional love does not mean blind acceptance of negative behaviour.
-The Carol Burnet Law of Dysfunctional Families

2 It's not half full. It's not half empty. It's on its way to being topped up!

3 Forget milk!!! Guinness was made for moustaches.

4 "It'll either sound good, or it'll suck..."
-The Fence-Sitters Creed-

5 When in doubt, Alpha strike. With the Kaufman Retrograde if necessary...
-Starfleet Battles Rule #1-

6 Don't think about it.... have some brandy... and get out of those wet clothes.
-Ian Tamblyn's Survival School

7 Never throw your weapon. It may be handed back to you.

8 The quickest way to a mans heart is a sharp upward stab between the ribs.

9 Never give a Celt an even break... Compound fractures heal slower.

10 Never eat Jolly Ranchers
-Love Phones Rule #463

11 Never be daunted in public... and if you are... go away like a cat!

12 Poetry weakens the blood.... A good roast is worth its weight in poetry and history!
-Richard The Lionheart

13 It's better to be dead and cool than alive and uncool.
-H. Davidson and M. Man

14 There's always someone in the lobby that isn't supposed to be there.
-ShadowRunners Law #356 (Mungo's Maxim)

15 Don't talk to me with your pants down!
-Sarah's Law of Bathroom-Door Conversations

16 "Shut your pee-pee hole and drink this!"
-Tozser's Answer To Everything

17 Pain is inevitable, misery is optional.
-Eco-Challenge rule #1

18 Never eat anything that moves, never drink anything you can't spell.
-Red's Laws Of Consumption

19 Bare the arm without shield
Empty the hand without sword
Bare the back without brother behind
Worthless the man without his word

20 Don't run! It makes you look like food.
-Natures First Law-

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 01:22 PM

Ahhhhh, LET'S GET NUDE! Ol bobert's just funnin' folks.

How about your dad's advice for you after you jumped from the roof into an inflatable swimming pool and ii is obvious to everyone that what you need is an ambulance. Ahhhh, SHAKE IT OFF, KID!

Or my favorite. Ahhh, IF THE LORD LOOKS AFTER FOOLS AND KIDS THEN I GOT DOUBLE COVERAGE!...

And, lastly, froms Tweedsburg. DUCT TAPE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND!

the bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Mickey191
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 01:22 PM

And don't repeat yourself-it's bloody boring.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Kim C
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 02:08 PM

I went to a seminar once where Zig Ziglar said, Money will buy you a bed but it won't buy you a good night's sleep.

There is no profit in ifs. We must go from where we stand. -- from one of the Cadfael mysteries

There's a quote by Mark Twain that I really like but I can never seem to remember it exactly. It's something like, our Creator has endowed us with three things: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and the prudence to exercise neither.

Wasn't it Thoreau or Emerson who said to beware of enterprises that require new clothes? Although I've never lived by that one...

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 02:16 PM

Ol' Zig huh Kim? Not going to throw in his attitude/aptitude/altitude line? Geeziz, is he still alive and selling that crock of shit? Amazing.........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: kendall
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 02:59 PM

Dont own anything that has to be fed or painted. (Utah Phillips).

Spaw, I expect Dorothy Parker looked better in her nightie than Shakespere did in his.

Men/women are like dog turds. The older they are, the easier it is to pick them up.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 03:16 PM

I want to thank all of you for joining this thread! My first post and I was a little reluctant to do so,but coming on today and seeing so much wonderful feedback,and insight into people,and good humor, Thanks! I love you all!! I have another addition, it's a toast I use; I drink to your health in the taverns, I drink to your health in my home. I drink to your health so many times, I've damn near ruined my own!^ Thanks all for making me feel at home. Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Kenny B (inactive)
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 03:59 PM

For jobs around the house

"Its in year three of the rolling five year plan"

& another

"People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones"

& finally from a well known fespian - Noel Coward?

"What I like about the theatre - the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd"
Kenny B

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Irish Sergeant
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 04:05 PM

O.K. Sportsfans here goes. Stupid people shouldn't breed. measure twice, cut once Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clear to the bone. "you can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time" Abraham Lincoln. "MAke your descision. if you get up the next moring and you can look yourself in the mirror, you made the right one." Vernon MacMillan (my father) "All God's Chilluns got guns" Groucho Marx "You ask me why i don't drink water? Because fish %#@* in it" Attributed to William Claude Dunkenfield (W.C. Fields) You! Out of the gene pool! Have a great evening and welcome to Mudcat Rustic Rebel!

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 05:32 PM

In thinking about the A.Lincoln quote, reminds that,
"You can be in my dream if I can be in yours."
.............Bob Dylan

Also.....

"Take it easy......But take it."
............Woody Guthrie

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 07:01 PM

"It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide"

who remembers?

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 07:27 PM

"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else."
--Lily Tomlin

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 07:32 PM

"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."
-- Robert Wilensky, University of California

"Of course, we still haven't proved that the average internet user has anywhere close to the intellect of a monkey"... -- Karl Larson, WebTV

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Azaelia Brockhouse
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 07:34 PM

My dad said: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. But you can make him damn sorry he didn't drink.

My mom said: Eat, drink and be merry, as long as oil remaineth in the lamp, for who knows if in the other world there be a tavern.

My favorite: There are no free lunches!

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 07:57 PM

tips. dont fry bacon with no shirt on. dont squat with spurs on. never eat anything bigger than your head.

my friends dad used to say. man I love beer, I could suck beer through a shitty rag.

give me immortality or give me death.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Yum Yum
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 08:14 PM

Laugh?__ I thought my knickers would never dry!

Call this a party? If I could find my knickers I'd go home.

Yum Yum

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Yum Yum
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 08:21 PM

Honest! I have nothing against knickers!!!

Yum Yum

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Ian Darby
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 08:23 PM

"I've a great future behind me."

"You've a fine head of skin."

"Everything in me favour is against me."

"People who live in glass houses shouldn't get stoned."

"One swallow doesn't make a summer, but it's a pleasant enough way of finishing off an evening." (W Clinton)

"Don't be tempted to splash out on a new dress for your girlfriend, no matter how special the occassion." (as above)

"A bird in the hand shits on the wrist."

"There ain't no Sanity Clause". (Marx Bros)

"I don't understand how electricity works, all I know is that it calms me." (Emo Philips)

And from a defunct and much missed Celtic web-site..

"Very funny Scotty, now beam me down my clothes."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"If a man is alone in a forest with no woman around to hear, is he still wrong?"

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,anahootz needs a cookie reset
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 08:39 PM

A business associate of mine, on the merits and shortfalls of greed: "Pigs get fed. Hogs get slaughtered."

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Anahootz
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 08:44 PM

Another, this one from a guy I fished for many years ago, along the lines of Making Hay While the Sun Shines: "Sleep Is For Poor People."

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Devilmaster
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:08 PM

Number One rule fer me:

'Just think about how dumb the average person is...............

..........And then realize that half the people are dumber than that.' - George Carlin

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,SlickerBill
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:27 PM

Having smoking sections in restaurants is like having peeing sections in swimming pools.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

The C students rule the world (Harry S Truman)

Everything tastes more or less like chicken. (Mark Twain)

Kids are assholes. But they're THEIR OWN assholes. (Utah Philips) SB

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Biskit
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:39 PM

My Grandma Becky always used to say,{puttin' up with somethin'is just ASKIN' for more of the same!} I read this whole durned thing so as to make sure nobody had used that frontal lobotomy thing and wouldn't ya just know...... ~B~

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: MarkS
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:40 PM

Hey Bill D - I remember. Right along with references to axolotls. Too bad Gaines passed on.

Anyhow
The first hundred years are the hardest. Easier after that because your chances of dying after age 100 are sooo slim.
I may be fat but you are ugly and I can diet.
Hiring that guy is like two good men gone!
And for the intellectuals among us,
Illigitimi casuum bonum non dabis.*
Mark

*Never give a bastard an even break.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 09:57 PM

You can visit anywhere twice ...the second time to apologize for the first - Lou Sullivan

It doesn't matter where you are, it is your reason for being there _ Utah Phillips

All that glistens is not gold - I thought that was Rabbie Burns in his poem about the kitty who drowns in the goldfish bowl?????

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: kendall
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 10:12 PM

It's GLISTERS ,not glitters.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Chip2447
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 10:38 PM

Don't get excited, don't sweat the small shit. Shit happens, when the shitcans's full...FLUSH IT.

"Think of it as Evolution in action." Larry Niven

Trying to swim in the deep end of the gene pool without a Life guard.

My dad says this all the time..."Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without."

(Insert your favorite organization, employer or person here)"....Is like a fan. If you stand behind (them/it), (they/it) sucks. In front of (them/it),(they/it) blows. ANd if you stand beside (them/it), (they/it)(dont/doesn't) do a damn thing."

As popular as a turd in a punch bowl.


Shit in one hand and wish in the other. We'll see which one fills up faster.

Chip2447

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Anahootz
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 10:42 PM

Nullum Gratuitum Prandium: There is no Free Lunch.

Non Illigitimi Carborundum Est: Don't let the Bastards Grind you Down.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Jan 02 - 10:45 PM

Mark Twain, in "James Fennimore Cooper's Literary Offenses": Eschew surplusage.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Mickey191
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 01:20 AM

My favorite-You grow old too soon and smart too late. Bette Davis-Growing old ain't for sissies.> Totie Fields-Lord, if you can't make me skinny,please make my friends fat.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 01:48 AM

Who was it who said about a certain man: He's invited to all of the best houses - ONCE.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Anahootz
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 01:53 AM

"I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then"

Rings rather true, no?

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: kendall
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 09:03 AM

"He has given Sodomy a bad name." (Winston Churchill)

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,swirlygirl
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 11:16 AM

"Familiarity breeds contempt and children"

:)

xxx

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 11:44 AM

"Perspicatious propensities toward propitious propinquity predominately precipitate proliferous progeny"

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 11:50 AM

No one plays with whiners. (playground wisdom)

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Kim C
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 12:01 PM

I like to say sometimes - and I think I've said it here at some point - when one door closes, another opens. And if another doesn't open, the Lord will give you a sledgehammer to bust it down.

There was something my hero Dave Barry said once, that was a clever conglomeration of several old chestnuts - something like, grab the bull while it's hot or get off the pot.

One of my fave John Prine lines: I wish you don't do like I do/and ever fall in love with someone like you.

Spaw, it was a long time ago that I saw Zig. He was actually pretty entertaining.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 12:23 PM

"Money can't buy you happiness.....but it makes misery a bloody sight more comfortable!"

"You can ride a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead" (can anyone remember who came out with that one? because I can't)

Or as I am want to say on occasion when things go wrong:
"In the words of the prophet - Oh Bugger!"

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: leprechaun
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 01:06 PM

Of most of my clients: Crooked as a dog's hind leg. (contributed by my Dad)

On life in general: It's great to be alive; it's great to be an all-American boy. (contributed by my brother)

On the proliferation of drug dealers in my little town: It was easier to remember all their names when there were only about a thousand of them. (mine)

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 01:13 PM

"Lie, deny, and make counter allegations."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 01:19 PM

Don't know about the pencil/lead line, but Dorothy Parker came up with "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Deda
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 01:27 PM

One of my own: Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.

Mark Twain: People generally rejoice when someone is born and mourn when he dies. This is because they are not the person involved. (May not be exactly verbatim.)

I have to point out that the latin expressions above about bastards are both fake and incorrect Latin. Entertaining but not technically right.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Chip A.
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 02:45 PM

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Greyeyes
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 02:51 PM

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence and blame someone else.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: fat B****rd
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 02:52 PM

Lavatory wall in Grimsby South bank Jazz Club 1966 "The secret of happiness is to like what you do not to do what you like" John Peel (The DJ) "If you can't be good looking, be funny"

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Desdemona
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 04:29 PM

These are excellent! I'd be hard pressed to come up with a definitive favourite, but my dad's always said, in reference to those couples that you just cannot fathom: "Well, I guess God pairs 'em off!"

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: RangerSteve
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 07:34 PM

The snake gets no sympathy when he complains that his feet hurt.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Irish Sergeant
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 08:10 PM

Stall in men's head, Naval Air Station Cecil Field Barracks 812 "Jesus Saves. Esposito gets the puck. He shoots. HE SCORES!!" Tempus Fugit. I am the person your mother warned you about. Kindest regards, Neil

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Ian Darby
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 08:52 PM

Desdemona,

There's another one; "God makes 'em and the Devil pairs 'em." Also; "They'd spoil another couple."

(Thanks for the thread Rustic......)

Some more...

"As welcome as a fart in a space suit."

"Sick as a chocolate frog."

"As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike."

"Leave no turn unstoned."

"Enjoy the show Mrs Lincoln?"

"He's got the brains of a rocking horse."

"As rare as rocking horse shit."

"About as much use as a chocolate fireguard."

Regarding someone with a lack of charisma, "When he enters the room you get the feeling somebody just left."

On getting rid of unwanted guests, "Thank you, you have given us more than enough pleasure for one evening."

And, this isn't a one liner, but a well known film actor, (I think it was Chuck Connors) was said to have introduced himself to John Gielgud saying; "Hello Sir, I'm Chuck Connors," to which the man replied, "Of course you are dear boy, of course you are."

From 'The Goon Show'.

Ned Seagoon; "That water was taller than me." Gritpype Thynne, (or Major Bloodknock;) "Its older Neddy. That's why."

And,

Bluebottle; "I've got the sea in my blood," Ned Seagoon; "I can see where it gets in."

From a Tommy Cooper sketch; (Tommy holds up a small skull) "The head of Julius Caesar as a boy." (Tommy then holds up a a larger skull in his other hand) "The Head of Julius Caeser as a man."

I have given enough pleasure for one evening.. (before anyone else gets back to me.....)

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,Oulmole
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 09:24 PM

"There comes a time in the affairs of men, my dear Blubber, when we must take the bull by the tail, and face the situation." -- W.C. Fields

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: tremodt
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 09:42 PM

Some one was asked on a game show 'is it possible for a baby to detect light while in the womb?and the answer was "only if the mother is a ballet dabcer"

ron

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: 8_Pints
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 09:56 PM

Don't mind growing old: just don't want to grow up!

Life is what happens when you're planning something else!

Is the first time one experiences 'de ja vu' really the second?

Bob vG

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Morticia
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 11:51 PM

My mother, gawd bless 'er, uses the phrase " I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his teeth were on fire" to express disaproval of certain individuals....and for those baffling couples mentioned earlier " It'd be a shame to spoil two houses between 'em". My favourite of hers though is " I would, but the grass is wet"....never sure what it meant but I think now I'm older I can guess.

And, while we're on the subject, where did ....(upon being asked if you have such and such), the reply " No, but I've a sister in the WAFS excused weight-lifting." come from?

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST,SlickerBill
Date: 25 Jan 02 - 11:51 PM

PGA golfer, I've forgotten the name, but Australian I think. Was slagged off all weekend long by the press, but managed to pull off the win; "And to the press< I would like to thank you from the heart of my bottom".

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 12:22 AM

Ian, "That ain't the way I heared 'em," to quote the Old Timer on Fibber McGee and Molly.

"Leave no turn unstoned" is the perversion of leaving no stone unturned. The reversed version has to do with a boy on a beach who leaves no tern unstoned.

"Enjoy the show Mrs Lincoln?" works better as "Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, did you enjoy the show?"

Ever the editor.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 12:58 AM

Some say the glass is half empty. Some say the glass is half full. I say the glass is too big.

I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. (Stephen Wright)

I'd give a hunnerd dollars to be one o' them millionaires.

It is easier to apologize than to get permission. - Admiral Grace Hopper

If you can't take no for an answer, don't ask the question.

If at first you don't succeed, try a bigger hammer.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 01:18 AM

Remember men..if the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy ..Red Green.

Chip 2447 ... "Wish in one hand and" etc etc ...I can't believe there is another person on this earth that knows that saying ... I always thought my M-I Law made it up ... at least she always said she did!

LL

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 02:54 AM

I don't have wrinkles. I just have too much skin for my face!!

If it's too hot in the kitchen, go to the living room! HAHAHA!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: fat B****rd
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 04:39 AM

Dear Lyrical Lady, the quote you mention is used by Clarice Starling in "Hannibal" the book not the movie. all the best from the fB

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Biskit
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 12:42 PM

#1.American by BIRTH and SOUTHERN by the GRACE of GOD!(anon.) #2. There ya Go! (McCloud) #3.The more I know about people the more I love my Cocker Spaniel.(I've said it so often,I claim it as mine) #4.God is Love, Love is Blind, Ray Charles is Blind..... Is Ray Charles God?? (some dude I dropped acid with a long time ago....)

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 01:10 PM

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If dogs run free, why can't we?

You can get anything you want, in the good-will charity box.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From:
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 06:56 PM

"BE sure you're right, then go ahead" D.Crockett. Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: cyder_drinker
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 07:19 PM

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars" - Oscar Wilde

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Mickey191
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 07:43 PM

Love the last one. A cousin just dyed her hair blonde, her Irish born husband said, "You look like the ass end of a Kerry goat." Cracked me up.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 11:25 PM

Lyrical Lady: Regarding "Why don't you wish in one hand …" I posted that way back here. Can't remember where I first heard it though. Maybe your mother-in-law really gets around!

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: CapriUni
Date: 27 Jan 02 - 04:18 PM

Heard from Manitonquat (aka "Medicine Story"), a Wampanoag storyteller psychotherapist:

"If what you're doing isn't fun, you're either doing the wrong thing, or you're doing the right thing in the wrong way."

BTW, Manitonquat's homepage can be found here.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jan 02 - 07:32 PM

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
--George W. Bush, during a campaign speech in LaCrosse, Wisconsin.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jan 02 - 08:06 PM

"Capital punishment is our societies recognition of the sanctity of human life."
-- Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah.

...durn...I never heard it explained so succinctly before!

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: CapriUni
Date: 27 Jan 02 - 11:18 PM

This thread may be getting too long for some folks's browsers to handle, so I've started a new thread here.

I've also been a bit audacious with it, and added a song challenge to the mix. I hope you don't mind, Rebel

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From:
Date: 28 Jan 02 - 01:28 AM

I first heard this from my father 'Someone is bound to lose my son,sad but oh so true, in the games we play from day to day,sometimes it's bound to be you. =-=-= GIL =-=-=

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: Genie
Date: 28 Jan 02 - 05:49 AM

Before moving on to THE CONTINUATION THREAD (link above), a couple of comments on posts in this thread:

GUEST,Russ, I believe it was Yogi Berra who (first) said, "No matter where you go, there you are.?"

Clinton, I LOVE this one you posted: Don't run, it makes you look like food. (Nature's Fiirst Law of Survival?)

Bill D ,
Gawd! That was prob'ly my favorite saying when I was in high school -- "It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide"
(Mad Magazine, wasn't it?)

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Jan 02 - 07:11 AM

If at first you don`t suceed, PULL YOUR FORESKIN O`ER YER HEED, Old Scottish proverb. Wee Willie.

Subject: RE: BS: Favorite sayings,adages,one liners
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Jan 02 - 07:15 AM

What if the World is full of care, if we haven`t time to kill a bear, Davy Crockett.