Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Louie Roy
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 01:58 PM

A hillbilly from Kentucky by the name of Hicks went to New York and met a girl who took him to a party and was introduccing him to some of her friends.One of the people she was introducing him to she said MR Hicks from Kentucky I'd like you to meet MR Cobbs from New York.MR Cobbs said to MR Hicks do you know what we do with hicks here in New York? No replied MR Hicks but I know what we do with Cobbs in Kentucky

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 01:47 PM

Wow - how did my old alma mater get mixed up in this?

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: GUEST,Desdemona at work
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 01:22 PM

There should be some useful fodder here; oldies but goodies:

http://www.tufts.edu/~mconnoll/redneck.html

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 01:10 PM

I was going to object to some of the stereotypes exhibited above, but then I reconsidered…

Way back when "The Beverly Hillbillies" was a current hit popular TV show, I remember that a reporter from TV Guide went into Appalachia to find some real hillbillies and get their reaction to the show. It was expected that they would find the stereotypes offensive, but on the contrary, they loved it! They remarked, "Of course the people around HERE aren't that backward, but there are some people over in [the next] County that are just like that!" And the people in the next county said more or less the same thing! I guess that tells you something about the nature of humor.

In my experience, there's nothing that true hillbillies like better than corny satire based on hillbilly stereotypes. (My mother was one.) The mugging with fake beards, exaggerated accents, overalls, etc., that you saw in "O Brother Where Art Thou?" were right on the money. That stuff thrives today in Branson, at Silver Dollar City and thereabouts.

I should add one qualification: Hillbillies do frown on dirty jokes and coarse language in mixed company. I read somewhere that Vance Randolph wouldn't even pronounce the title of his own book "Pissing in the Snow" when speaking to a mixed audience.

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: DeanC
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 01:09 PM

Why is it so hard to solve murders in West Virginia?
Because there are no dental records and the DNA is all the same.

That came to me from Craig Johnson of the Double Decker String Band.

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Mr Red
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 12:53 PM

how about a bluegrass joke transmuted?
Whats got 21 teeth and 15 legs?
A hillbilly convention! Yeeeee Doggggggies.

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 12:26 PM

If 2 hillbillies get divorced... are they still cousins?

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: GUEST,Phillip
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 11:12 AM

...or if yer wife uses the phrase: "Honey, kin you move this transmission so's I kin tek a bath?"

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 10:50 AM

How can you tell when you're in an upper-class hillbilly neighborhood?

......there's two pickups up on blocks in the front yard!

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 09:39 AM

Sorry about my first submission, Kaleea. I know you can't use it, but I couldn't resist. I went looking on the 'net for stories collected by Vance Randolph, and that's the only one I found. Actually, most of what Randolph collected wouldn't fit your criterion of being a one- or two-liner.

See the thread Arkansas Traveler for some better ideas.

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 08:53 AM

Some Vermonter jokes might transfer... 2 Vermonters went bear hunting. As they were going along, they came to a fork in the road, and the sign said Bear Left. So they went home.

A city slicker was driving around Vermont (leaf-peeping, probably) and saw an old man rocking on his front porch. Hey, old timer, you been rocking on that porch all your life? he calls. The old timer slowly answers... Not yet.

Another old couple was out on their front porch, rocking, with an old hound dog lying next to them. At one point the dog begins to, well, clean hisself, the way dogs do... the old man looks over and sighs, Sure wish I could do that. The old lady rocks a bit, then says Well, reckon you could... might get bit, though!

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 08:48 AM

ummmm, Jim....I suspect she's not gonna be able to use that.

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 03:07 AM

Isn't a clean hillbilly a joke on its own?

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 01:50 AM

One time there was a goddam Yankee moved to Arkansas, and got elected to the Legislature. The first thing he done was put in a bill to make Arkansas rhyme with Kansas, just because it is spelled that way. The Arkansawyers got pretty mad, of course, so they begun to stomp and holler. There was one old man that hollered louder than anybody else, and finally the rest of 'em quietened down to hear what he had to say.

"Mister Speaker, God damn your soul," says he, I've been trying to get the floor for thirty minutes, but all you do is squirm around like a dog with a flea in his ass! I'm Senator Cassius M. Johnson from Johnson county, where we raise men with peckers on, and the women are glad of it. Why, gentlemen, at the tender age of sixteen them girls can throw their left tit over their right shoulder, and squirt milk up their ass-hole as the occasion demands! When I was fourteen years old my prick was as big as a roasting-ear, the pride and joy of the whole goddam settlement. Gentlemen, I could piss half-way across the Ouachita!"

Everybody clapped when they heard that, but the Speaker begun to holler "Out of order! Out of order! and pound on his desk.

"You're goddam right it was out of order," says Senator Johnson, "Otherwise I could have pissed clear across the son-of-a-bitch! That's the kind of folks we raise in Johnson county, gentlemen, and we ain't never been dictated to by nobody. And now comes this pusillanimous, blue-bellied Yankee who wants to change the name of Arkansas. Why, Mr. Speaker, he compares the great state of Arkansas to KANSAS! You might as well liken the noonday sun in all its glory to the feeble glow of a lightning-bug's ass, or the fragrance of an American Beauty rose to the foul quintessence of a Mexican burro's fart! Can all the power of this Assembly enlargen the puny penis of a Peruvian prince to a ponderous pagan prick, or the tiny testicles of a Turkish tyrant to the bulky bollocks of a Roman gladiator? Change the name of Arkansas? Great God Almighty damn! No, gentlemen! Hell fire, no!

"What the God dam hell is things a-coming to, anyhow? Why, gentlemen, it's got so a man can't take down his pants for a good country shit without getting his ass full of birdshot. Change the name of Arkansas? Great God Almighty damn! You may piss on Jefferson's grave, gentlemen. You may shit down the White House steps, and use the Declaration of Independence for a corncob. You may rape the Goddess of Liberty at high noon, and wipe your tallywhacker on the Star Spangled Banner. You may do all this, gentlemen, and more. But you can't change the name of Arkansas! Not while one Patriot lives to prevent such desecration! Change the name of Arkansas? Hell fire, no!"

History don't tell us what happened after that, but everybody knows the Yankee's bill was killed, dead as a whore's turd in a piss-pot. Them sons-of- a-bitches up North think the whole thing was just a joke, and some of 'em claim Senator Johnson didn't make no speech at all. But every true-blooded Arkansawyer knows that Senator Cassius M. Johnson jumped into the breach that day, to save the Bear State from treason and disgrace. We ain't going to forget it, neither.

--from Vance Randolph's "Pissing in the Snow"

--copied from here.

Subject: RE: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 12:30 AM

Sorry....Don't have any........just redneck tales of Cletus, Paw, Buford, and the Reg Boys some of which Tweed has been good enough to chronicles on his website.

Spaw

Subject: Got any clean Hillbilly jokes?
From: Kaleea
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 12:24 AM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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In preparing for an upcoming performance for the blue-haired crowd, I am in need of funny jokes--one or two liners, or perhaps Q & A type jokes pertaining to the life & times of the average Hillbilly. General audiences only, please. Thanks! Kaleea