BS: Virus Alert!

Subject: Virus Alert!
From: technission
Date: 19 Feb 02 - 12:15 AM

[War of the Worlds disclaimer: this isn't real] [standard disclaimer:I didn't write it and I don't know who did. A friend sent it to me.]

I just thought others might enjoy this if they hadn't already seen it...

==========================

If you receive an e-mail entitled "Bad times", delete it immediately!! Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will drink all your beer. (For God's sake, man, are you listening?!?!?!) It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporate undetectable misspellings, which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Bad times" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

****WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN!!!!!***** And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart next time you're talking to someone "important."

SEND SEND SEND SEND SEND SEND SEND SEND

Subject: RE: BS: Virus Alert!
From: mack/misophist
Date: 19 Feb 02 - 09:27 AM

Have you been drinking again?

Subject: Honor System Virus!
From: saulgoldie
Date: 19 Feb 02 - 08:17 PM

This is the Honor System virus. Please forward this message to everyone you know, then delete a random selection of critically important files from your system.

Are we having fun, now?

Subject: RE: BS: Virus Alert!
From: technission
Date: 20 Feb 02 - 01:29 AM

rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Now I must go, to delete some files...

Subject: RE: BS: Virus Alert!
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 20 Feb 02 - 12:06 PM

Ha! changing all your active verbs to passive tense: as everyone knows, this should say passive voice--this was obviously intended to smoke out the GUSET WITH NO NAME!!

Steve

P.S. That should, of course, read "the GUEST ..."; "the gusset with no name" is something entirely different ...

Subject: RE: BS: Virus Alert!
From: The Pooka
Date: 20 Feb 02 - 04:53 PM

HA HA HA uhh nevermind about that, I want the Gusset.

Subject: RE: BS: Virus Alert!
From: Helen
Date: 20 Feb 02 - 05:01 PM

I recently noticed that when I parked my car directly in front of my window where my computer lives that the radio reception became full of static. It was only when I lined up the car directly with my computer, about 15 feet away.

I had been letting my computer run without resetting it to see how long it would go without crashing (I love Micro$oft!) and when I reset it that day the effect on the car radio stopped.

So, maybe this part is not so far-fetched...."but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play"

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Virus Alert!
From: guest
Date: 20 Feb 02 - 05:03 PM

Steve,

I just wish I was as clever and talented as you.

Can you tell me the secret?

Or a hint, at least?

Subject: RE: BS: Virus Alert!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Feb 02 - 09:18 PM

Remember, GUEST, that "those who compare themselves to others end up either bitter or vain", and don't worry about Steve. Besides, there's almost no hope of your attaining that degree of cleverness and talent in this incarnation. :-)

I advise humility, coupled with a calm sense of pride in your own achievements, however humble they may be...

Either that, or a course at the WSSBA. Our graduates KNOW that they are smarter than other people, and nothing can shake their innate feelings of utter superiority. Sounds like the ticket! We await your application to enroll for the full course this summer...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Virus Alert!
From: Justa Picker
Date: 01 Mar 02 - 07:13 PM

And another new one as of yesterday.
Clicky.