NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Susan from California
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 11:40 AM

My husband has had two cornea transplants, and we are very appreciative that someone donated theirs. Most organ donation groups urge folks to talk to their families about donations so that when the time comes, there can indeed be some happiness in knowing that a part of a loved one lives on, albeit in a new body.

You mentioned earlier in the thread foot surgery, everything ok on that front?

Sue

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 04:06 PM

Thanks. I wasn't going to refresh this but since you did, here is the song devon (professionally she goes by that, small d) sang at the burial:

Goin' Out (By Sarah Harmer)

When the days close on
The memories you've acquired
And your body cannot hold
Your soul's fire
You are here and not alone
Everybody has come home
There's a bed made up upstairs
If you get tired

All the heaviness around you
Will get light
And your worries lifted up
Into the night
Left with nothing but pure love
Wrapped in all we are made of
Can I stay around a while,
Is that alright

Oh, our lives don't end
Goin' out to be brought back again

I really liked her singing, I hadn't realized she was famous.

And in other news, I found out that they did indeed donate Dorian's organs, which I was very happy (if that's the right word) to hear. Gruesome little coincidence story: I got home from teaching Weds night, and one of the boys' (and Dorian's) aunts had been babysitting with her 13-yo son, so of course we fell to chatting, so of course we talked about Dorian. This is how I found out about the organ donation. I was kind of crying and said something similar to, I like to think that somebody has her eyes, at which point 13yo squirmed... so I turned on the TV (to change the subject!) and saw... a disembodied eye being fingered by somebody! I'd gotten into some forensics something at EXACTLY the right/wrong time, or something! All three of us squirmed then, but it was funny.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Hippie Chick
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 11:10 AM

Deepest Sympathy to you and your family, Mrrzy. I'm on the 'cat prayer chain. My prayers are there for you.

HC

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Áine
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:47 PM

Dear Mrrzy,

I'm so sorry for your loss and for Dorian's parents. Her ceremonies sounded beautiful and loving; just as she was herself, I'm sure.

I realize that nothing can assuage your grief, but you and your family are in my heart and thoughts.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 03:19 PM

I am so sorry. After reading all that you have shared with us I feel Heaven will be that much richer. But that does not stop the hurt. You, Dorian and your family are in my thoughts and will continue to be in my prayers. Bobert

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 03:08 PM

Cross posted, thanks SharonA!

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 03:01 PM

Twin Oaks is a plain, unadorned, hippie commune, that has been working for decades, the only one left, I believe, who can still make that claim. They are a world-class manufacturer of those hammocks, run their own dairy and all (the sound of the cows lowing while we were burying Dorian sounded exactly like pain, it was quite fitting), and are a community of tightly-knit relationships built out of human respect for other humans who respect other humans, basically. It's the best. A little lily-white for my taste, but the best of the best nonetheless. If any of you are moved to donate in Dorian's memory to anything, I'd like it to be them. See the Twin Oaks website for more info.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: SharonA
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 03:01 PM

This looks like the place: http://www.twinoaks.org/ How cool!

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: SharonA
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 02:37 PM

...and when we do go anywhere, we come back...*G*

I'm curious about this Twin Oaks Community. Is it a Quaker community? Something like the Philadelphia PA area's "Pendle Hill"? Here's a link to Pendle Hill info: http://www.pendlehill.org/

Wow, Mrrzy, what a beautiful service. Funny, isn't it, that we so often refer to our loved ones in the present tense when they're gone (or, at least, gone from our sight...). I'm sure that Dorian's mom had told that story and said that phrase so often that it just came out automatically, but it surely was poignant, as you say. I guess Dorian's spirit is vibrant still.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:57 AM

Thanks for telling us, Mrrzy. None of us are going anywhere if you want to say more, later.

~Susan

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:48 AM

Yes, that was her obit, thanks, I had looked for it unsuccessfully, guess I was a day off.

I want to tell you all about her ceremonies, as they were (to my mind suprisingly) beautiful and comforting. The service at the University Chapel was done in a slightly Quaker-meeting-ish way, where there were some prepared statements but mostly, anybody who wanted to say something, could. Very little was said of gods, but Amazing Grace and a few hymns were sung (I couldn't sing along, too many tears in the way). The father who raised her gave a lovely eulogy, and even her sister (age 17) was able to say a few words, I was impressed. The Twin Oaks crowd, who've known Dorian since birth and her parents even longer, had made the coffin themselves, dug the grave themselves, and chose a lovely, lovely place to put her. There are maybe 10-12 graves there, all bounded by something like stones, some with headstones, most without. AllanC, if you know the area, she's on the hillside right at Margaret's feet. Dorian was borne in by 2 uncles, 2 Twin Oakers, and 2 college friends, placed so her head was uphill. They sang a round as she was lowered, Dear friend, dear friend / let me tell you how I feel / You have given me such pleasure / I love you so (to the tune of a slow HeighHo Nobody Home). I couldn't sing then, but I'd sung to her at her hospital bed, and sang later at the post-funeral party thing. We all got a chance to toss a handful on her coffin in the grave, I opted for the rose petals (roses to deaden the clods as they fall), then people were throwing handfuls of dirt (her sister first), then shovelfuls, and all of a sudden I realized we were just burying her. When the grave was filled, people planted flowers, bulbs and suchlike all over the mound. It was absolutely beautiful.

What I sang later was the version of Streets of Laredo I know from of old, whence the line about Roses to deaden the clods as they fall. That kind of epitomizes to me this particular death - given that it was basically her own bad decision that led her to this end. At one point a story was told about her falling out of the loft at TO, landing unharmed in between two large piles of hammocks which broke her fall. Her dad said he thought that it was that which might have given her the taste for gymnastics and diving... and later, talking about the same story, her Mom said "I'm sure the only reason she's alive today is that she landed on her feet instead of her head..." there was a very loud silence as we all tried to find a way to continue the conversation... and then she said something like Oh, that's right, she's not alive today, laughed and went on... poignant as all getout, indeed. And I got back to work today and some colleagues had sent flowers, which was really nice, it wasn't my own department, but some folks I work with often who are mostly in other states anyway... very sweet.

And tomorrow I go in for that foot surgery, so I'll be offline for a while again. Thanks, all.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 10:18 PM

Mrrzy and Allan C, you may be sure there are a lot of us still cradling you in our thoughts and hearts.

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Ebbie

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Dani
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 08:03 PM

It's a hard day to be a sister. I will sing for you a song I don't even know the name of. I sing it as a spiritual, mournful, but then at the end it becomes triumphant, sung by all with the strength of community:

"Soon I will be done with the troubles of the world, I'm going home to live with God. No more weepin' and wailin'... goin' home to live with God."

You and I have disagreed about God and religion in the past, Mrrzy: Viva la difference! Words are not what's important. It's the grieving and the rejoicing. Together.

Dani

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 04:22 PM

Yes. But these kinds of hard days can often hold much joy and love in them too, and sometimes even laughter. We lost a young lady not long ago, under somewhat similar circumstances. She had decreed that if the day ever came, SPIRIT IN THE SKY must be played at her service. It was, and loud. Rocked our old folks so hard they were grinning by the time we got to the reception. Even the family... especially the family. A release. She was so smart! *G*

Have to wait and see what Mrr and Allan and others need... whatever mood they are in, we'se here, tho, eh?

~Susan

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: SharonA
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 01:48 PM

Susan: Yes, that's the one I read. A hard day, today is.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 01:27 PM

Is this it?

~S~

====================================================

Dorian Stacy Brown

Dorian Stacy Brown, 20, died Sunday, March 10, 2002, as a result of injuries from an automobile accident on March 6. Dorian was born Feb. 21, 1982, at Twin Oaks Community in Louisa. She attended schools in Albemarle County and graduated from Monticello High School in 2000. She loved gymnastics, diving, reading, hanging out with her friends, and her cat, Teddy.

Dorian was a second year student at the University of Virginia and worked as a bus driver for the University Transit Service.

Dorian will be remembered for her inner strength and peace, and her luminous smile and eyes that crinkled when she laughed.

She is survived and will be greatly missed by her parents Joyce Brown, Christopher Pax, Dexter Griffin and Susan Nesbit; her sisters Miranda Pax and Kathryn Nesbit; and a multitude of loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.

There will be a celebration of Dorian's life at 11 a.m. Wednesday at the University of Virginia Chapel, with burial following at Twin Oaks Community.

In lieu of flowers, a donation may be sent to the Charlottesville-Albemarle Rescue Service or to the charity of your choice.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: SharonA
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 12:23 PM

I saw the obit on the Daily Progress website; this morning there was a service in celebration of Dorian's life. Extra thoughts going out to Mrrzy, Allan C and their loved ones today, for strength of spirit.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 06:26 PM

No, Allan, you have very much been in the thoughts and prayers of a number of us, as have all who have loved this child.

~S~

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Allan C.
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 05:59 PM

I have hijacked many of the good wishes here for myself. I hope you don't mind. In my heart I felt as related to Dorian as Mrrzy. In my soul, I know I share the same bond.

Thanking you all,

Allan

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Jeri
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 05:50 PM

I've been trying to think of something vaguely intelligent to say, and I can't. I'm so sorry.

Love, Jeri

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Biskit
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 05:33 PM

Mrrzy, I am so sorry to hear of your famlies tragic loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you Dear. Donnie

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 11:28 AM

Dorian has moved on to a better place. I am so sorry for her friends and family. If there is a bright side, she will always be young and beautiful in your memories. Pay close attention to your own children right now, Mrrzy. They will need help understanding what has happened. Stay well.
Mary

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Mrrzy
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 09:06 AM

Thanks, all.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 11:40 PM

Posting this for Deda--

... My condolences and sympathy to Mrrzy; you and your family are in my prayers, and I grieve with you for the loss.

~Deda

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Amergin
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 06:28 PM

Mrr, my very dear friend....please know that I am thinking of you....

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: GUEST,Pete Peterson
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 02:19 PM

so sorry to hear this! very much at a loss for words; know that I am crying with you

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Charcloth
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 02:05 PM

So sorry, wish I could say more
Charcloth

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 12:11 PM

My deepest sympathies. And now comes the difficult time... Cherish each other.

Ebbie

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: jeffp
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 12:01 PM

Our deepest sympathies go to you and yours.

jeffp and Bonnie

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 12:01 PM

Oh, Mrzz, I am so sorry. Just saw this as my server has been down. Keep her memory warm.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Giac
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 11:29 AM

Thoughts are with you Mrrzy, and with your family and friends. Through Mudcat, you have friends around the globe who join to encircle you with virtual love and wish you comfort and peace.

Mary

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 10:54 AM

Mrr.

I am so sorry, my deepest condolences, and thoughts to you and yours. Hopefully all the above words will offer you and yours some comfort, know that you are not on your own and don't be afraid to reach out to those closest.

With regards

Ella

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Alice
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 10:07 AM

My deepest sympathy to you and all close to Dorian, feeling the loss of her young life.

Alice

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: KathWestra
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 09:58 AM

Row on, row on
Another day will shine with brighter light.
Ply, ply the oars and pull away,
There's dawn beyond the night.

Thinking of you as you grieve. Holding you with lovingkindness. Kathy

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 09:53 AM

I'm so sorry mrzzy.

Jon

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 09:41 AM

Mrr, Allan, there is also an Annexe thread running with additional thoughts for you all, HERE.

~Susan

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Alice
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 09:38 AM

My deepest sympathy to you and all close to Dorian, feeling the loss of her young life.

Alice

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 09:38 AM

Our thoughts are with you -- and all her family and friends.

Linn & Tom

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: SharonA
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 09:31 AM

My deepest sympathy to you, Mrrzy, to your entire extended family, to Allan C and all other friends of the family, to Dorian's friends throughout her too-brief life. I hope that this sad experience will help more young people to realize and remember how precious their lives are to their loved ones, as they rush toward adulthood and independence. My sincerest condolences and hope for peace in your soul.

Sharon

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 08:47 AM

Mrr, Allan, when you can, I would love to hear more about this extraordinary young lady.

~Susan

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: MMario
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 08:05 AM

To lose a young person, I think, whether a child, a relative or a friend is one of the most devastating experiences one can go through. My thoughts are with Mrrzy and Darian's family.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Melani
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 02:45 AM

I'm so sorry.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 01:37 AM

Very sorry to here this. i don't really know what to say, my thoughts are with you Mrzzy at this sad time.
John

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: alison
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 01:17 AM

my sincere condolences.......... thoughts, hugs, and prayers to all of you.....

love

alison

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 12:43 AM

My dear friend, LR Mole, said this to me shortly after my mother passed. It brought me comfort to read these words then, and again after Mole, himself, passed. Maybe they will bring you some comfort too...

Remember that "light" means less substantial, but also more illuminated. They all leave us lighter when they pass.

Go in peace, all of you dear ones who have enlightened us with your presence in this world.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Big Mick
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 12:14 AM

God be good to her.

Please our sincerest and deepest sympathies.

Mick

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Allan C.
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 12:07 AM

Mrrzy has asked me to post an update.

Dorian passed on late this evening very shortly after her breathing apparatus was disconnected. I am happy for Dorian and for her family that she made the transition so quickly. Dorian's family are aware of the many good thoughts that have been sent their way by so many wonderful people and they are grateful for all of them.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 12:04 AM

Dorian died at approximately 11:00 tonight, still at the hospital. She didn't survive being off the vent, so her family has been spared having to watch her die over weeks or perhaps months, which I am finding comforting. I will keep watching this thread, I appreciate all your sympathy and concern. Thanks, all. Sing a song for her.

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: Nancy King
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 11:39 PM

So very sorry to hear this sad news. Mrrzzy, you and your family are in my thoughts.

Nancy

Subject: RE: NonMusic: Thoughts for Mrr's Niece
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 11:14 PM

May she go in ease and peacefulness; and may her family find solace from sorrow in their memories of her time with them.

Our deepest sympathies to her family, Mrrzy, Allan and others.


Kat & Rog