Worst of All Possible Covers?

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 03:17 PM

Fantasy category: Margaret Thatcher doing "Touch Me In The Morning"...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,SlickerBill
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 08:49 PM

How about Robert Plant doing "New York,New York"? And have you ever caught Dave Thomas of SCTV doing a spoof on the Richard Harris/ McArthur Park thing? I peed. SB

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 10:19 PM

Brian Linehan doing "Like A Rolling Stone".

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Genie
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 12:22 AM

Morticia, Was Richard Harris's version of MacArthur Park a cover? I thought it was the first commercial recording of the song.

How about a fantasy cover of MacArthur Park by LL Cool J?

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 08:54 AM

Fantasy choices - Charlotte Church sings heavy metal (or even thrash metal) or Johnny Rotten singing "Nesun Dorma".

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Maryrrf
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 09:03 AM

The Lawrence Welk show keeps coming up on this thread. My whole family - grandma, grampa, mom, dad and the kids all watched the Lawrence Welk show when it used to come on. I can't remember if I actually enjoyed it or not, but they sure did. Every now and then I catch the reruns on television AND I JUST CAN'T BELEIVE HOW HORRIBLE MOST OF THOSE ACTS WERE! Corny doesn't begin to describe them. But then again, I feel the same way whenever I happen to turn on MTV - corny doesn't describe it, but horrible usually does! Worst (real)cover that I can think of - Reba McIntyre doing "Kathy's Clown". I don't much care for the original but when she does it it's like chalk on a blackboard - Kayyyythheeeyys Claaaayoooooowwwnnn in a whiny exaggerated southern accent.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 12:05 PM

Anyone remember Rick Moranis' nightclub version of Turning Japanese on SCTV?

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,Den at work
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 12:23 PM

Personally I'd like to see Ian Paisley doing "Seasons in the Sun" or Metallica doing "Honey". Den

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: JenEllen
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 12:40 PM

LOL Leej....I really think so...
~J

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Justa Picker
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 12:50 PM

Yes LEJ!
I also nominate his cover of The Doors "Touch Me".

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 01:48 PM

Celine Dionne and Paul Anka doing a duet of "How You Make Me Quiver" or whatever the hell it's called...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: JenEllen
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 02:10 PM

McGrath, I don't know that I'd go so far as to say that Americans are tolerant, but there does seem to be a real love affair with truly bad music. We've produced so very much of it, and the possibilities for more are endless. Think of all the bad decisions, everything from Manifest Destiny to RuPaul? Work it, baby, work it. Perhaps the New Colossus shoud have read: 'Give me your tired, your poor, your tone-deaf/Your huddled masses yearning to make asses of themselves/The wretched refuse recorded for posterity'...you get the idea. *g*

That in mind, some fantasy covers:
The Grehan Sisters doing the Foo Fighters "Monkeywrench"
Charlotte Church (or better yet! That little Gilman spawn) singing "White Wedding"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 02:12 PM

McCauley Culkin doing an Elvis tribute album.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: JenEllen
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 03:23 PM

Grandpa Jones singing "Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap)"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 03:27 PM

Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston teaming up on a Christmas album.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 03:51 PM

Johnny Cash and what's her name -- the mindless one -- Britney Speers- - covering "True Love, True Love, Love Foreeeever True...."

Amos and katlaughing covering Frank Sinatra's "She May Be Weary..." .

Catspaw 49 and Le Mannequin Pise doing barbershop on "Know When to Hold 'Em...Know When to Fold 'Em".

The real names of these songs have been altered to protect the innocuous! :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: johnross
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 06:02 PM

I actually own this one: Alistair Cooke singing "Basin Street Blues".

It's not nearly as bad as it sounds like it ought to be.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 06:22 PM

Worst I've ever heard of a Beatles song was on Wyoming Public Radio this week: Kenny Neal doing Revolution on The Blues White Album. I saw this thread just as it came on. Was so disgusted I practiclaly threw my radio across the room and couldn't even look at this thread! Truly horribulus!!

WPR plays mostly covers. We think they only get the "C" list of new releases because most of it is baaadd. The only good time is one guy who does a bluegrass show on Saturdays and it's only good because he plays Art Thieme a lot!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Phil Cooper
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 02:10 AM

Some bad covers I really heard on public radio were either the Robert Shaw Chorale, or the Norman Luboff choir covering two Willie Dixon songs, "I'm Ready" and "Feel Like Making Love." Both had the drums,with brushes sound, and electric guitar that was sounding too clean.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: michaelr
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 07:55 PM

Here's a top contender I heard on the radio today:

Van Morrison, "O Shenandoah" (really!), from the new Chieftains album. BAAAD! It's a 40-year celebration CD featuring lots of collaborations, and when I hear more of it I'm sure there'll be more fodder for this thread.

The `Tains actually do a good job backing Joni Mitchell on her "Magdalen Laundries". Great song, but her voice is GONE. Sad...

Michael

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Ian Darby
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 09:01 PM

Don't know if anybody's already mentioned this, but I've heard it twice on Radio One Ireland's "Mystery Train" programme which is always worth a listen.

There is a version of 'The Homes of Donegal' sung entirely in Japanese by a Japanese singer.

I don't know if its good or bad, but I find it strangely compelling.... (Think what The Rocky Road To Dublin Would Sound Like)

If anybody else has heard it please let me know, I just want to make sure I'm not hearing more than the usual voices in my head.

(I'd definitely buy the album if I could find it)

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: johnross
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 03:21 PM

Another gem from my shelves:

Chubby Checker: Chubby's Folk Album (Parkway P-7040).

Or if that's not enough, look for the New Christy Minstrels' version of "Alice's Restaurant."

[shudder]

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 03:42 PM

Madonna- "American Pie", WIlliam Shatner singing. Period. Rosanne Barr doing "The Star Spangled Banner" (If you think I'm joking, sadly, I am not) Pat Boone doing Ozzie Osborne music, Leonard Nimoy singing. Kindest regards, Neil

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,SlickerBill
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 05:40 PM

Another SCTV bit; Rick Moranis as Mel Torme doing the Star Spangelled Banner. Thus: "Oh say can you seebeedeebeedee?" Perfect. I think he even slides into Chattanooga Choo-Choo for a verse.

I remember robin Williams suggesting Beverly Sills doing "Daya Think I'm Sexy?". SB

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: RangerSteve
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 07:33 PM

a group of late country singers (Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, Roy Acuff, Grandpa Jones, Stringbean, Bill Monroe, Maybelle Carter) taking turns (ala "Feed the World") with "I'm Too Sexy".

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: dwditty
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:27 PM

How about Neil Diamond doing I am...I Said....ooops, not a cover. He wrote the stupid song complaining that the furniture wouldn't talk to him.

dw

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:46 PM

Yes, and the chair would no doubt have written a superior rebuttal had it been able to...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,vegge
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 10:17 PM

Nico's version of My Funny Valentine is the best

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 10:23 PM

The scene: Kris Kristofferson is on a massive drunk, so drunk he can barely stagger onstage. He decides to cover one of his own early hits...and screws up the words...resulting in...

The Worst Of All Possible Covers

I was runnin' thru a patch of rain, try'n' to catch a snatch of Spain
And kill the old familiar pain a-weavin' thru my tangled brain
When I tipped my bottle back and smacked into a cop I didn't see
That police man said, "Mister Cool, if you ain't drunk, then you're a fool."
I said, "If that's against the law, then tell me why I never saw
A man locked in that jail of yours who wasn't neither black or poor as me?"
Well, that was when someone turned out the lights
And I wound up in jail to spend the night
And dream of all the wine and lonely lovers
In this worst of all possible covers.

(That don't sound right?...is there somethin' wrong with this F-in mike? Huh? Oh...)

Well, I woke up next mornin' feelin' like my head was gone
And like my thick old tongue was lickin' something sick and wrong
And I told that man I'd sell my soul for something wet and cold as that old cell.
That kindly jailer grinned at me, all eaten up with sympathy
Then poured himself another beer and came and whispered in my ear,
"If booze was just a dime a bottle boy, you couldn't even buy the smell"
I said, "I knew there was something I liked about this town."
But it takes more than that to bring me down, down, down.
'Cause there's still a lot of wine and lonely lovers
In this worst of all possible (hic!) covers

(*Shit, it still don't sound right. What verse are we on... Right. Wa-a-al, shit...*) (*Urp!!!)

Well, they finally came and told me they was a gonna set me free
And I'd be leavin' town if I knew what was good for me
I said, "It's nice to learn that ev'rybody's so concerned about my health."
(God knows, it could be better...)
I said, "I won't be leavin' no more quicker than I can
'Cause I've enjoyed about as much of this as I can stand
And I don't need this town of yours more than I never needed nothin' else."
'Cause there's still alot of drinks that I ain't drunk
And lots of pretty thoughts that I ain't thunk
And lord there's still so many lonely lovers
In this worst of all possible covers
Now I think my tale of woe is almost done
I think my weary race is almost run, run, run
But there's still a lot of wine and lonely lovers
In this worst of all possible covers.

(*Jee-SUS, that's it! I declare this gig over as of NOW. Who the hell took my F-in DRINK!!!)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Mickey191
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:53 PM

Right on Little Hawk. Kristopherson was on the other night and it was embarrasing. He ought to give it up & concentrate on writing. How about Johnny Mathis doing "You're having my baby." Peter T, "Danny Boy" by Krall is an abomination. It is the worst thing I've ever heard. I'd love to know whose idea it was to put the song & her together.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Jeremiah McCaw
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 09:51 AM

All of us have crosses to bear. We all have paid our dues one way or another. In my case, it was many years ago, watching the Mike Douglas Show (afternoon talk show). I was witness to William Shatner performing Dylan's "Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man". Really. Imagine a darkened set, a single spotlight, a white 2&1/2 foot cube with Shatner sitting on the floor leaning against it, his face and arm raised in supplication and reciting . . .

I seem to recall an artistically-torn shirt, but that may have been a flashback to every other Star Trek episode

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 03:26 PM

Jeremiah, you are S-O-O-O-O-O lucky! I didn't get to see that show with the lengendary William Shatner, but I did get to see Kristofferson do a show at the Riverboat in Toronto once where he was so hung over that he cancelled it halfway through, apologized to the audience, and refunded everyone's money (paying the entire tab himself). True story. As a matter of fact, it's in the Guinness Book of Records, I think, but I don't recall under what category. I saw it in some book like that anyway, and thought "Hey! I was there!"

That incident gave me some inspiration for composing the "Worst of all Possible Covers" episode above...using the lyrics to Kristofferson's song "The Best Of All Possible Worlds", of course.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,Wa Ban Zhou
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 02:13 PM

I don't know if this counts, but being woken up at 5:00am every morning at my Chinese school by an instrumental version of "Sexual Healing", that starts out, just like Marvin Gaye "wake up,wake up...." played through a bad P.A. system and a cracked speaker, followed by " the March of the Heroic Red Army"....yeah that was pretty bad. A lot of my Chinese friends are very fond of John Denver, and will bust out with a version of "Country Roads" or "Rocky Mountain High" any old time. Or ask me to sing it for them, which is even worse.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Rolfyboy6
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 05:00 PM

I've actually got it on a record.

Waylon Jennings doing "MacArthur Park." That manly Texas baritone cracks on "Someone left the cake out in the R-a-I-n".

It was before the 'Outlaw' thing and they were trying to sell him as black-leather-hair-grease-relevance to a sensitive socially relevant female audience. I have no idea why 'MacArthur Park' was considered sensitive and socially relevant. Does anybody have any idea what that song was about? It's always on the ten worst song lists.

I should apologize for posting thisNo More Mr. Nice Guy And then there are "The Shaggs"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 07:31 PM

Rolfyboy, how could you!!! MacArthur Park is one of the most deeply meaningful, sensitive, and relevant songs ever. It's a brilliantly written allegory about a lost love, a failed romance (the "cake" in question being the romance or relationship that has gone down the tube).

It got left out in the rain. It's ruined. The icing is dissolving and running down. And WORST of all, the poor heartbroken soul relating this sad story will "never have that recipe again". In other words..she's-a gone for good.

'Ey, You don't-a gotta be a rocket scientist to figure out-a dat one!

Hearing Waylon Jennings do it must be an uncanny experience...only to be exceeded should William Shatner decide to cover it.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: YOR
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 09:20 PM

Bob Dylan singing "Blowing in the Wind".

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 09:34 PM

Now you're getting nasty...I've heard him sing it at least 25 quite radically different ways, solo and with band, so which rendition are you referring to?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: John Hindsill
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 09:42 PM

Any song James Taylor sings done by anybody else first, especially Handyman and Don't Know Much About Geography (also known as Don't Know Much About Singing).

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: YOR
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 11:46 PM

Little Hawk, It was a Joke! And a short commentary about the growl'ly voice. I saw Dylan about 20 years ago and I always tell people he was great, but "The Band" was better.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Knitpick
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 01:25 AM

Someone mentioned the Star-Spangled Banner:

"I don't know if this counts as a cover - but from what I've heard on the telly, it seems any performer booked to sing the Star Spangled Banner on a public occasion appears compelled to try to sing it even worse than all the others."

Which brings me to one of my pet peeves. In the DC area, we have a baseball team situated in the city to the north, Baltimore, where the "O's" are beloved. Due to the machinations of the owner, DC has no team of its own, nor much chance of getting one.

This is background to the fact that, when singing the National Anthem, the crowd at O's games -- AND DC CROWDS, TOO, DAMMIT! -- sings the "Oh" ("Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner ....") loudly, sometimes being the only word you can hear the crowd itself singing. The song is hard to sing, and it's pro forma at public events, but damn it, it's not for cheering on a money-grubbing millionaire's bread-and-circus product, either! Popular culture has a lot to answer for!


Bob (ticked off? Me?) Clayton

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: John Hardly
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 09:03 AM

John Hidsill,
You won't get too much agreement on your perspective re:JT and covers (or whether he sings well) but at least it got your post noticed.

My least favortie cover ever was possibly Rita Coolidge's redo of Jackie Wilson's "Higher and Higher". Wison was elecrifying, after listening to Coolidge my heart needed a restart with those eletric paddle thingys they use in ER

.....CLEAR!!!

not truly covers, rather redos--the most mismatched performances I ever witnessed --

1.Aretha Franklin and James Taylor doing a duet of "Shed a Little Light" at one of the inaugural balls 1997

2.John Mellencamp and Paul Simon duet for a R&R special -- the Boxer never sounded so pitiful.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Genie
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 02:42 PM

Last night on the TV show "Boston Public," there was a rendition of "Try A Little Tenderness," in which the hip-hop/soul/ R&B stylings of the (female) singers were so pronounced that the beautiful TUNE of the original song was TOTALLY LOST! (and, I should add, replaced with a sound-just-like-all-other-contemporary-hip-hop/R&B collection of notes, complete with unnecessary mellisma!

GAWD! If you're gonna change the tune to a standard, at least give it a new TUNE.

(The singers' voices were lovely, but I hate to see a good tune assassinated, no matter how great the vocal talent.)

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 10:10 PM

This thread has been a truly spellbinding experience. We should have the basis here to compile a "Worst Covers of All Time" series for K-tel to flog on nationwide TV. I figure at least a 10 CD set...

I agree that Rita Coolidge's version of "Higher and Higher" is pretty pallid. She's got a fine voice, but seemingly no edge whatsoever...more suitable to some songs than to others.

Good joke, Yor! I wasn't quite sure what you meant. Was it on the 1974 tour that you saw Bob? He just kind of roared through the songs on that one...not his best concerts by a long shot, but he was returning to the stage after a long layoff at that point, and his performances were quite stiff. I've seen him do way, way better since. The Band was a superb backup on that tour.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: Rolfyboy6
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 12:28 AM

I'd like to thank Little Hawk for explaining "MacArthur Park" to me. I'm sure this will materially increase the esteem with which he is regarded. Expertise is always admired. It's good to know that there is someone who can explain something like that. I won't expect too much of my new hero, for who could explain things like Julio Iglesias or imitation dessert toppings.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,Russ
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:34 AM

A few years ago a local DJ did a complete show of covers of "Werewolves of London" in a variety of languages and styles. The Horror!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,levinrec
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:47 AM

The worst i have heard is Faith Hill's cover of janice joplins "piece of my heart". She took a rockin' blues tune and turned it into some kind of county crap.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: YOR
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 12:48 PM

Little Hawk, Yes it was the 1974 tour (20 years yeah, someday I'll learn to add and subtract). Great show the sound was fantastic, too many shows are ruined by crappy sound. Long show, no backup band, only "The Band". They only used white lights and candles, nice atmosphere.

One of the local radio stations started playing "The Star Spangled Banner" everyday at noon after Sept 11 (and since). That got a little old very quickly. I brown bag it most of the time so I get to miss it (yeah). They played many different versions like Jimi Hendrix (of course), Boston, Springsteen and local guy Paul Reed Smith. Wish I could remember more, I'll check the website.

I nominate Faith Hill "If I Should Fall Behind".

Roy

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,Declan
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 12:56 PM

I don't believe no one has mentioned Rolf Harris' version of Stariway to Heaven yet on this.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,MudWeasel
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 01:29 PM

In the movie "Michael Collins" the director decided to have Julia Roberts sing "She Moved Through the Fair". Too bad Julia couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. It was the most painful 20 minutes of what was otherwise a great movie. (OK, it only seemed like 20 minutes.)
Honestly, the worst covers are when it was a good song to start with, and some talentless hack ruins it.

-MudWeasel

Subject: RE: BS: Worst of All Possible Covers???
From: GUEST,AR282
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 02:05 PM

I was going to mention Roseanne's "Star Spangled Banner" but someone beat me to it. But then according to Johnny Carson, she was actually mouthing along to the sound of a goat being neutered.

Well, there was Pat Boone's cover of Judas Priest's "You Got Another Thing Comin'".

Who did that horrible cover of "Whiter Shade of Pale"?

There was that Lord's Prayer that Cliff Richard did to the tune of "Auld Lang Syne". That nearly made me grab a high-powered rifle and sit out on a freeway overpass.

Finally, anyone who picks on Shonen Knife, whose covers are the best, is no friend of mine and obviously has no sense of humor or style. You could probably listen to Portsmouth Sinfonia without cracking up. Now, if they did "How It Makes Me Quiver" or whatever it's called THEN you'd have a point. But then some songs are so bad they suck no matter who covers it.