Lyr Req: Road to the Isles (parody)

Subject: Road to the Isles
From: alison
Date: 25 Mar 98 - 06:46 PM

Hi,

Does anyone know the parody of this? It's about a motorist from England heading north into Scotland for a holiday... when his car breaks down... and the Scottish mechanics keep inventing things wrong with the car.

"He's ?fallen for the wangle o' the isles."

Thanks

Slainte

Alison

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: Alex
Date: 25 Mar 98 - 11:31 PM

Billy Connolly does a parody entitled "Leo McGuire's Song" - it's rather rude. "I was walkin' wi' ma crummack up frae Gretna Green tae Skye, but ma story has an element of farce. Though the calendar has stated it's the middle o' July, Yet here I am wi' snaw up tae ma a**e" Have you heard that one?

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: alison
Date: 25 Mar 98 - 11:42 PM

Hi,

Come on Alex.... give us the rest of it...

Slainte

Alison

Subject: Lyr Add: LEO McGUIRE'S SONG (from Billy Connolly)
From: Alex
Date: 06 Apr 98 - 11:58 PM

Sorry, It took me a while to transpose the lyrics.

LEO McGUIRE'S SONG
(as sung by Billy Connolly)

Ah wis headin' wi ma cromack up fae Gretna Green tae Skye
But ma journey has an element of farce.
'Cos the calendar has stated - it's the middle o' July,
Yet here ah am wi' snaw up tae ma arse,
CHORUS: Oh - yo!

Wi' ma pipes below ma oxter an' ma sporran neatly pressed
Ma pockets full o' porridge for the road.
Wi' some Crawford's Tartan Shortbread an' some tattie scones as weel
An' ah'm jist aboot tae paint masel' wi' woad.
Oh - yo!

I am headin' for sweet Afton, that's the place that ah am daft on,
Where the smell o' tattie bogle fills the air.
If ye poke amang the heather wi' a feather ye will see
Where the untamed hornie-golluck has his lair.
Oh - yo!

Ah remember Annie Laurie, sure, ah had her in a quarry
On the road fae Tobermory tae the sea.
Ah remember Mountain Daisy, an' that lassie wisnae lazy,
'Cos ah remember Daisy mountin' me.
Oh - Yo!

Ah remember gettin' pally wi' a peely-wally 'tally,
In a chalet doon at Butlin's camp at Ayr.
An' ah gied her a bambino as she lay an' read "The Beano"
Then she said, well how did she know ah wis there?
Oh - yo!

Ah wis jist a wee bit randy as she lay an' read "The Dandy"
Then she went an' put a pot upon the hob.
An' she made me talliatelli, which she balanced on her belly
So's ah could eat while ah wis on the job.
Oh - yo!

By the time the job wis over, she wis halfway through "The Rover"
An' had started on that week's "People's Friend"
An' she made me veal escalope an' we had another wallop
Before ma strong desire came to an end.

Oh the Scots summers have a certain lack of charm,
Due mainly to the sudden rainy squalls.
But the Scots lassies can aye keep her laddie warm
By their tender ministration to his knees.
Oh - yo!

(verses 1-7 use the A part of "The Road To The Isles" tune - the last verse is the B part or chorus tune)

cromack=walking stick;
oxter=armpit;
sporran=purse hung in front of a kilt;
porridge=oatmeal;
Crawford's Tartan Shortbread=Scotland's favorite cookie;
tattie scones=potato scones;
as weel=also;
woad=blue coloring;
tattie bogle=scarecrow;
hornie-golluck=euphimism for penis;
wisnae=was not;
pally=friendly;
peely-wally=very pale;
'tally=Italian;
chalet=shack;
Butlin's=popular British vacation camp;
"The Beano", "The Dandy", "The Rover" = children's comic books;
"People's Friend"=weekly magazine mainly read by old ladies

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: alison
Date: 07 Apr 98 - 01:21 AM

Hi

Thanks Alex

Slainte

alison

Subject: Lyr Add: LEO McGUIRE'S SONG (from Billy Connolly)
From: alison
Date: 07 Apr 98 - 01:59 AM

Hi,

Here it is again, hopefully easier to read.

LEO McGUIRE'S SONG (as sung by Billy Connolly)

Ah wis headin' wi ma cromack up frae Gretna Green tae Skye
But ma journey has an element of farce.
'Cos the calendar has stated - it's the middle o' July,
Yet here ah am wi' snaw up tae ma arse, Oh - yo!

(chorus) Wi' ma pipes below ma oxter an' ma sporran neatly pressed
Ma pockets full o' porridge for the road.
Wi' some Crawford's Tartan Shortbread an' some tattie scones as weel
An' ah'm jist aboot tae paint masel' wi' woad. Oh - yo!

I am headin' for sweet Afton, that's the place that ah am daft on,
Where the smell o' tattie bogle fills the air.
If ye poke amang the heather wi' a feather ye will see
Where the untamed hornie-golluck has his lair. Oh - yo!

Ah remember Annie Laurie, sure, ah had her in a quarry
On the road frae Tobermory tae the sea.
Ah remember Mountain Daisy, an' that lassie wisnae lazy,
'Cos ah remember Daisy mountin' me. Oh - Yo!

Ah remember gettin' pally wi' a peely-wally 'tally,
In a chalet doon at Butlin's camp at Ayr.
An' ah gied her a bambino as she lay an' read "The Beano"
Then she said, well how did she know ah wis there? Oh - yo!

Ah wis jist a wee bit randy as she lay an' read "The Dandy"
Then she went an' put a pot upon the hob.
An' she made me tagliatelli, which she balanced on her belly
So's ah could eat while ah wis on the job. Oh - yo!

By the time the job wis over, she wis halfway through "The Rover"
An' had started on that week's "People's Friend"
An' she made me veal escalope an' we had another wallop
Before ma strong desire came to an end.

Oh the Scottish Summers have a certain lack of charm,
Due mainly to the sudden rainy squalls.
But the Scottish lassies can aye keep her laddie warm
By their tender ministration to his knees. Oh - yo!

(verses 1-7 use the A part of "The Road To The Isles" tune - the last verse is the B part or chorus tune)

cromack=walking stick; oxter=armpit; sporran=purse hung in front of a kilt; porrige=oatmeal; Crawford's Tartan Shortbread=Scotland's favorite cookie; tattie scones=potato scones; as weel=also; woad=blue coloring; tattie bogle=scarecrow; hornie-golluck=euphimism for penis; wisnae=was not; pally=friendly; peely-wally=very pale; 'tally=Italian; chalet=shack; Butlin's=popular British vacation camp; "The Beano", "The Dandy", "The Rover" = children's comic books; "People's Friend"=weekly magazine mainly read by old ladies;

slainte

Alison

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: Murray
Date: 07 Apr 98 - 03:07 AM

I always knew the hornie-golach as an earwig; I'm intrigued by its use here to mean "penis"; are you absolutely sure of this, Alex?? Unless it's become another euphemism [there's umpteen] in the thirty-odd years since I last saw Scotland.I

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: Bert
Date: 07 Apr 98 - 11:28 AM

I don't understand the line...
Where the smell o' tattie bogle fills the air...
It doesn't fit with ; tattie bogle=scarecrow;

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: alison
Date: 07 Apr 98 - 06:34 PM

Hi,

I don't think it is scarecrow. Tatties were always potatoes..... now as to bogle????

Slainte

Alison

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: Murray
Date: 09 Apr 98 - 03:44 AM

A tattie is a potato, and a bogle is a scary thing, so a tattie-bogle is a scarecrow., set up to keep birds away from the potato field. It doesn't actually smell, I suppose, but you're not looking for logic in this piece, are you? I expect it's really used as a good ethnic word, that's all.

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: alison
Date: 09 Apr 98 - 07:33 AM

hi,

Does that make Eric Bogle = Scary Eric????

Slainte

Alison

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: Bert
Date: 09 Apr 98 - 12:28 PM

Logic from Billy Conolly, Hmmm, I see what you mean.
From the context I was expecting it to be some Scottish cooked dish.

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: Alex
Date: 23 Apr 98 - 02:06 AM

Murray, you are right that a Hornie-Goloch is an earwig aka a "Forkietail" but in the context of the song the emphasis is on the "hornie" part. And a Tattie-bogle is a scary thing put in a tattie or potato field to shoo the birds away. The words, according to Connolly, are by his pal, Leo McGuire and are mainly Glasgow dialect. Why are we doing scholarly analysis on a humorous parody, anyway? (And don't tell me that's a dangling preposition). On that subject, a young lady, on hearing my accent, asked me where I was from. Scotland, I said. Oh, says she, have you ever seen the Loch Ness Monster? Everytime I unzip my pants, says I. (End of conversation and possible friendship).

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: Murray
Date: 28 Apr 98 - 03:04 AM

I can only say, as a lie, or tall tail (so to speak) that's a whopper [as the actress said to the bishop] -- unless, that is, we can take it that you're boasting in the usual Keelie fashion :-) Murray [a fly Fifer]

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: tracee
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 12:41 PM

Hi, all. I am a beginner and am trying to figure out the notes to the simple tune "road to the isles". I have been trying to learn by ear, as my grandpa in Newfoundland did, but i need a little help. Is there anyone who could jot down the notes? Thanks, -t.

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: kendall
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 01:08 PM

hi alison..sometime back I posted a parody to Road to the Isles. It starts So ye think you'r gang intae the north to spend a holidy..etc Is that the one you want. If you cant dredge it up, I'll send it to you in a personal message.

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 06:29 PM

Tracee, I had just started notating this when a little voice reminded me that the tune is in the DT. So I stopped producing a GIF for you. The BEST place to go is the alternative DT site which will produce a page of music score and lyrics without any fuss at all. I can't find my link at this time, but I'm sure that someone else will volunteer the URL within a few seconds. Regards, John

Subject: Lyr Add: ROAD TO THE ISLES (from Bill Hill)
From: alison
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:06 AM

Hi Kendall.....
Here's the one you sent me


ROAD TO THE ISLES
Bill Hill(?)

So you think you're gang intae the north to spend a holiday,
'Cause you're vaguely Scottish on your mother's side,
And you've heard of ancient glories both renowned in song and stories,
Kilts and haggis, Andy Stewart and ... Clyde?

Ye come in by Crianlarich; it's the gateway to the north,
And the scenery will please your eyes I'm sure.
Ye take out your picnic basket 'cause the car has blown a gasket
In the middle of a place called Rannoch Moor.

So, ye telephone the garage listed in the tourist guide,
That was published for you by the R.A.C.
But by design, or by intention, or, they just forget to mention,
That the garage closes down at half past three.

So, you're towed behind a tractor to a corrugated shed,
That's surrounded by farm implements and carts,
And ye scratch your head and wonder why you ever bought a Honda,
'Cause they'll have to send to Tokyo for the parts.

But your thoughts begin to quicken at the thought of berry picking,
So, you take a trip to Goudy for a spell,
Wi' some wellies of your mother's that she bought in Alley Brothers,
And a Gideon Bible pinched frae your hotel.

So you take the train to Oban and you get the boat to Mull
Feeling like you've had a night upon the tiles,
Ye pay 20 pence for coffee wi' a tang of diesel oil,
You're experiencing the swindle of the isles.

So, you're standing picking rasps being stung to death by wasps,
The midges and the klegs are making free,
And the bairns have ate the berries and contracted dysentery,
'Cause last week they sprayed the crop with DDT.

So, you're headed back to Birmingham more waterlogged than tan,
But no sign of habitation do you see.
When you thought you were in Verrick you were actually in Lerrick
'Cause some vandal changed the sign post in Dundee.


Send me your email, Tracee, and I'll forward you a GIF.

Slainte

Alison

Subject: RE: Road to the Isles
From: kendall
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:33 AM

I'm afraid I'm reaching that point when my memory goes south..I only need one book...I meet a lot of new people...I can hide my own Easter eggs..

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Road to the Isles' parody
From: GUEST
Date: 24 May 11 - 11:15 AM

i have fossicked in the Troasachs Wi' a lovely lady Cossack When she vaulted off her horse to take a pee I was feeling fairly randy So ma claymore it was handy To impale her as she slid doon past ma knee

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Road to the Isles' parody
From: Jim McLean
Date: 24 May 11 - 01:04 PM

The song was written by Leo McQuire who was better known as an actor. His second wife was Maxine Audley, the movie star. I worked with him in the early 70s and he did the voice intros for a couple of LPs I produced. He died just months after Maxine Audley passed away in 1992.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Road to the Isles' parody
From: Jim McLean
Date: 24 May 11 - 01:13 PM

I should have written his name correctly, it is Leo Maguire, sorry.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Road to the Isles' parody
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 24 May 11 - 05:40 PM

Not a parody as such but a couple of bawdy pieces from the fifties in Yorkshire to the tune.

I was sitting in a dungeon with me b*******s in me hand,
And the shadow of me penis on the wall,
And me hair was growing thick from me a***hole to me p***k,
And the mice were playing billiards with me balls.

Oh you know me sister, Lily, she's a whore in Piccadilly,
And me mother is another on the Strand,
And me father flogs his a***hole in the Elephant and Castle,
Oh we're the cleanest family in the land.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Road to the Isles (parody)
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Jul 22 - 02:19 PM

With a sporran full of porridge,
And a haggis up your kilt,
And you're roamin in the gloamin mies and miles,
If you sit down in the heather, when there's nothing worn beneath,
Ye'll surely feel the tanglo o the Isles