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Fractured Nursery Rhymes

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khandu 13 Mar 02 - 09:25 PM
rangeroger 13 Mar 02 - 10:16 PM
JennieG 13 Mar 02 - 10:19 PM
Metchosin 13 Mar 02 - 10:53 PM
catspaw49 13 Mar 02 - 11:41 PM
Nigel Parsons 14 Mar 02 - 05:14 AM
Scabby Douglas 14 Mar 02 - 09:20 AM
Bat Goddess 14 Mar 02 - 09:29 AM
GUEST 14 Mar 02 - 09:41 AM
Nigel Parsons 14 Mar 02 - 09:50 AM
Les from Hull 14 Mar 02 - 10:51 AM
jeffp 14 Mar 02 - 11:02 AM
SINSULL 14 Mar 02 - 11:22 AM
gnu 14 Mar 02 - 01:03 PM
gnu 14 Mar 02 - 01:05 PM
lady penelope 14 Mar 02 - 01:14 PM
GUEST,Lynn 14 Mar 02 - 01:57 PM
vectis 14 Mar 02 - 02:06 PM
Bat Goddess 14 Mar 02 - 02:30 PM
Bonnie Shaljean 14 Mar 02 - 03:57 PM
Bonnie Shaljean 14 Mar 02 - 04:02 PM
lamarca 14 Mar 02 - 04:23 PM
The Walrus 14 Mar 02 - 06:18 PM
rangeroger 14 Mar 02 - 11:37 PM
Metchosin 15 Mar 02 - 01:41 AM
Whippet 15 Mar 02 - 05:05 AM
GUEST,micca at work 15 Mar 02 - 05:23 AM
GUEST 15 Mar 02 - 06:24 AM
GUEST,Hamshank 15 Mar 02 - 09:02 AM
Joe_F 15 Mar 02 - 07:34 PM
kendall 15 Mar 02 - 11:32 PM
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GUEST,Stu Tonnar, Whitby 17 Mar 02 - 09:03 AM
GUEST,Me Again at Whitby 17 Mar 02 - 09:10 AM
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Cluin 08 Feb 06 - 08:15 PM
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Subject: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: khandu
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 09:25 PM

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard

To give her poor dog a bone.

When she bent over, Rover took over a

And gave her a bone of his own.


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: rangeroger
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 10:16 PM

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet

Eating her curds and whey.

When along came a spider

That sat down beside her

And she beat the shit out of it with her spoon.

rr


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: JennieG
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 10:19 PM

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now Mary takes her lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But I've never seen her bare!

Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were surprised
But when Old Macdonald had a farm
They couldn't believe their eyes

I think that will do for the moment....
Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Metchosin
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 10:53 PM

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass,
And turned its wool to nylon.

Argh! I can't believe I just posted this....


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 11:41 PM

PREVIOUS THREAD

And the following, courtesy of the "Diceman"..............

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
A lightbulb was stuck up her ass
It woke up the spider who lived deep inside her
He said "hey, free electric and gas!"


Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her
Jill said "no", Jack said "so, I'll ram it in your
dumper!"

Twinkle Twinkle little star
Will she blow me in the car
Because I bought her dinner, she had fun
Now my balls are boiling and I'd like to cum


Old mother hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her old dog a snack
The cupboard was bare
She didn't despair
She let Rover munch on her crack

Peter Peter pumkin eater
Whacked off in the movie theater
Sprayed his load across the screen
And ruined Titanic's final scene


Hickory Dickory Dock
My balls fell out of my jock
I laid them to rest
On some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock


Betty and Jack, up a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-G
First cums Betty, then cums Jack
Then cums the goo out of Betty's crack


Little Boy Blue
He needed the money

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Jerked off in his girl friends eye
When her eye was dry and shut
Georgie Fucked that one-eyed slut


Old King Cole was a merry old soul
A merry old soul was he
He chewed off his tit, ate his own shit
Washed it down with some tea

Roll, roll, roll your cunt
Gently down my prick
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Then you'll suck my dick


Hickory dickory dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two, I dropped my goo
I dumped the bitch on the next block.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
That fuckin' whore.


Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Trim that pussy it's so damn hairy

Littly Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider,
Sat down beside her, And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"


Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her dog a bone
She bent over,
Rover took over
And she got a bone of her own

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack ignored those flabby tits
And licked her asshole clean


Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top
Your mother's a whore
I ain't your pop

Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep
Blew a horse, licked his feet
She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls not once but twice


Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater
Had a wife, loved to beat her
Smacked her twice across the head
Fucked her ass and went to bed

Little jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating a pizza pie
He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony
And wiped his mouth on his tie


Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Shine upn the parking lot
As I eat my girl friends twat

Three blind mice, see how they run
Where the fuck are they going?


Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe
Suck my dick and swallow slow

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick


There was an old lady
Lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out

Patty cake, patty cake
Baker's man
If your chick's on her period
Fuck her in the can


Mary had a little lamb
She kept in her backyard
When she took her panties off
His wooley dick got hard

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
That's more than my lazy wife does
That fat, fuckin' smelly babboon


Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray,
The guy that fucked her ass

Rub a Dub Dub
Three men in a tub
Faggots have threesomes, too
So fuckin' what


Roses are red
Violets are blue
I fucked your mother's ass
And she had you


SPAW


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 05:14 AM

Mary had a little bear,
She treated it so kind.
And everywhere that Mary went,
You'd see her bear behind.

Mary had a little dress, the skirt was split in half.
And every step that Mary took, the boys would see her calf.
Mary had another dress, split right up the front,
But she rarely wore that one.

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck.
She put them on the mantelpiece ,
To see if they'd f.f.f.fall off.


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:20 AM

I'd have thought that this might warrant some kind of rating warning...

I don't mind a bit of bawdiness, in fact I insist on it.. but I think some postings here have waaaaayy overstepped the bounds of any kind of taste.

Cheers

Steven


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:29 AM

Okay back to "good taste":

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
At buying food she was careless.
When she got there
< Her dog was bare
For he was a Mexican hairless.

And from the original Whole Earth Catalog (I think):

Mary had a stegasaurus,
Whose fleece was none at all
Instead it had great scales on its back
And was very big and tall.
It followed her to school one day
Which there were no rules about
It something or other, something or other
And everyone ran out.

Linn


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:41 AM

Jack be quick Jack be nimble Jack jumped over A phallic symbol


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:50 AM

Or the "Little Richard" version
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick
Alas poor Jack, should've jumped higher.
Goodness gracious Great....


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Les from Hull
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 10:51 AM

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
And every time the lamb got out
The bulldog tried to make friends with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: jeffp
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:02 AM

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor daughter a dress.
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:22 AM

I'm a little teapot, short and stout.
Here is my handle
Here is my...here is my...???
Oh well,(with hands on hips) maybe I'm a sugar bowl.

Mary had a little lamb
With mint jelly.

Little miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And said "Is this seat taken?"

SPAW!!! Behind the woodshed. Right now!


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 01:03 PM

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
And a merry old soul was he
He alled for his pipe
And he called for his bowl
I guess we all know about Old King Cole !


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 01:05 PM

Oops. I was so anxious to see if the line breaks worked that I forgot to credit that to George Carlin, who did a lot of nursery rhimes. Re Old King Cole, he added... he wanted to get high and listen to the fiddlers !


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: lady penelope
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 01:14 PM

Wee Willie Winkie

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town
Upstairs, downstairs in his night gown
Chucking bricks through windows superglueing locks
Come Monday morning, he'll be in the dock!

Mary had a little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white as snow
And to all the local gentry
It was £50 a go

Jack Sprat

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
For he was annorexic
And she was bolemieen

I thank you

TTFN M'Lady P.


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Lynn
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 01:57 PM

Does anyone remember one that started:

"Starkle starkle little twink How I wonder what you think"

Let's keep it on the clean side, friends, or I won't be able to communicate with you in school!!! Lynn


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: vectis
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 02:06 PM

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
And when the boys came out to play
He kissed them too....He's funny that way


Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle
All over the kitchen floor.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
So the cat did a little drop more

Did I really post that?


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 02:30 PM

The boy stood on the burning deck
His fleece was white as snow.
He stuck a feather in his cap
John Anderson my jo.

Can't remember where I picked THAT up but I think it was one of the books on schoolyard chants.

Linn


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 03:57 PM

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her

And she ate that too


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:02 PM

[God, these things are like eating chocolates - I can never stop at just one...]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
At least that's what they said they did
But now they've got a daughter


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: lamarca
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:23 PM

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And one damn tomato plant!

Mary had a little sheep
And with that sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
So Mary had a little lamb...


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: The Walrus
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 06:18 PM

Simple Simon met a pieman
going to the Fair
Said Simple Simon to the pieman
"What have you got there?"
"Pies you fool!"

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
"None of your bloody business!"

Mary had a little lamb,
its fleece was black as charcoal
It stuck its head between its legs
And whistled up its arsehole.

Walrus


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: rangeroger
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:37 PM

Mary had a little lamb

Whose foot was black as soot

And into Mary's bread and jam

His sooty foot he put.

rr


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Metchosin
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 01:41 AM

Guest Lynne

Sotally Tober

Starkle starkle little twink
Who the hell you are I think
I'm not under what you call
The alcofluence of incohol
I'm just a little slort of sheep
I'm not drunk like tinkle peep
I don't know who is me yet
But the drunker I stand here
The longer I get
Just give me one more drink
To fill me cup
'Cuz I got all day sober
To Sunday up


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Whippet
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 05:05 AM

Mary had a little lamb, and it was always gruntin, She tied it to a five bar gate, and kicked it's little ...head in,


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 05:23 AM

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the Kings horses
and all the Kings men
Had Scrambled egg for breakfast

Dr Bell fell down the well
and broke his collar bone
Doctors should attend the sick
and leave the well alone


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 06:24 AM

Sing a song of sixpence
Have you any wool?
Four and twenty blackbirds
Three bags full!
When the pie was opened
And one for the dame-
Wasn't that the dainty dish
That lives down the lane?

The king was in his counting house
Climbing up the spout
The queen was in the parlour
Washing spiders out
The maid was in the garden
Drying up the rain
When down came a blackbird
And climbed the spout again


Piter Peper pecked a pick of peckled pippers
A pick of peckled pippers Piter Peper pecked
If Piter Peper pecked a pick of peckled pippers
Where's the pick of peckled pippers Piter Peper pecked


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Hamshank
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 09:02 AM

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating his girlfriend, Mary
He stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a plum
And said, "Where the hell is your cherry?"

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
My husband will be home in five minutes

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Said, "Yech!"

Little miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And said, "Hey babe, what's in the bowl?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Joe_F
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 07:34 PM

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do, evidently.


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: kendall
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 11:32 PM

Hickory dickery doc,
Two mice ran up her sock
One stopped at her garter
The other was smarter
Hickory dickory doc.

Hickory dickory doc
Two mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one, and, the other escaped with minor injuries.


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Joe_F
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 07:06 PM

Almost all of Mother Goose can be lampooned in the following format:

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone,
But when she got there, the cupboard was bare,
So she threw it out the window --

The window, the window,
The second-story window,
But when she got there, etc.

The tune may be found in _The New Song Fest_


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Stu Tonnar, Whitby
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 09:03 AM

Starkle, starkle little twink, Who the hell I am, I think, I'm not as drunk as people-ay think I am, Besides, I've only had tee martooni's, And I've all day sober to sunday up on!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Me Again at Whitby
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 09:10 AM

Great green globs of greasy grimey gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, concentrated birdie feet, one large jar of pickled, purple porpoise pus, and I've forgotten my spoon!


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Argon0
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 06:25 PM

Yup, but can't remember the rest of the words...

Starkle starkle little twink, How I wonder what you think...

(then I've made up the words.. Underneath your hair so brown, maybe you will be a clown...)


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 07:33 PM

Sing a song of sixpence
A pocket full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds
Baked in a pie
When the pie was opened
A shrivelled blackbird spat
"Now come on lads a joke's a joke,
What rotten sod did that?"


Rockabye baby in the treetop
When the wind blows the cradle will rock
I was that baby and what bothers me
Is why mum and dad stuck me up a tree.


From the pen of Richard Digance

Don T.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Cluin
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 08:15 PM

Hickory dickory doc
Three mice ran up my cock
They all grabbed hold
And dragged me back to their hole

And that's why you found me in that position, honestly.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: mack/misophist
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:13 PM

One that needs no enhancement is:

I do not love thee Dr Fell,
The reason why I cannot tell;
But this I know and know full well:
I do not love thee Dr Fell.
                Thomas Brown, 17th century


It has been claimed that he composed this ex tempore one day in the street when he came upon a professor who had just flunked him.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,J C
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 04:32 AM

Mary had a little lamb,
Fond of leaps and frolics,
It did a double somersault
And landed on it's shoulder.


Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water,
Jill came down with half a crown
They didn't go up for water!


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Fullerton
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 08:41 AM

The grand old duke of york

       .....he had ten thousand men

             ....... and his case comes up next week.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,gr + jr
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 05:22 PM

sing a song of sixpence,
a fanny full of crabs,
sixty one black hairs,
twice as many scabs,
when the scabs open,
the puss begins to sing,
what a dirty cunt it is,
to stick a penis in!!


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 05:28 PM

Mary had a little lamb,
it had a sooty foot.
And into Mary's bread and jam,
its sooty foot it put.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: raredance
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 06:14 PM

Hickory dickory dick
The administration is sick
Those neocon men
In the President's den
Just don't know a lick


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,bigheff
Date: 18 May 07 - 04:45 PM

Hickory dickory doc,
that mouse it pulled me cock
when me wife found,
i hit the bitch withe me sock


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Joe_F
Date: 18 May 07 - 10:03 PM

Mary had a little watch.
She swallowed it one day.
The doctor gave her laxative
To pass the time away.
Mary took the laxative,
But the time, it would not pass,
So if you want to know the time,
You can look up Mary's aunt, who has a watch too.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 18 May 07 - 10:14 PM

Jack be quick
Jack be nimble.
Jack jump over
A phallic symbol.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Muttley
Date: 18 May 07 - 10:30 PM

Little Miss Muffet
Sat oin a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
There came a big spider
who sat down bwside her
And she said "Bugger off, hairy-legs!"

Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Eating a Christmas pie
He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum
Saying: "Bugger me, that's hot!"

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does you garden grow
With horse manure - idiot!

Sing a song of sixpence
A pocket full of rye
Four-and-twenty blackbirds
Baked in a pie
When the pie was opened,
The King screamed "Off with the cooks head!"

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
And a merry old soul was he
He called for a light in the middle of the night
To go to the W.C.
The light shone on the dunny door
The candle took a fit
Old King Cole fell down the hole
And came coverd in
[singing sweetly]
Sweeeet Vi-o-lets
Sweeter than the ros-es
Covered all over from head to toe
Covered all over in . . . (finish it with one word abruptly - depending on your own politeness and the audiences broad or narrow-mindedness)

Speaking of which - I'm pretty broad minded, but SPAW - go to your room!

Muttley


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: mrdux
Date: 19 May 07 - 01:08 AM

Hickory dickory dock
Two mice ran up her sock
One stopped at the garter
The other was smarter
Hickory dickory dock.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: mrdux
Date: 19 May 07 - 01:10 AM

oops -- missed the prevoius posting. sorry about that.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 19 May 07 - 11:55 AM

Bird vit d' jella bill
Hawped upon my vinda-sill
Cawcked a shining eye and sez:
Vatcha got for breakfast, Sam? vitches?


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Nick
Date: 19 May 07 - 05:14 PM

Hickory Dickory Dock,
Two Mice Ran Up The Clock,
The Clock Struck one
while the other escaped with minor injuries


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 19 May 07 - 06:20 PM

Mary had a little lamb.
She took it to a shop.
And now she has a new fur coat
And lives on mutton chop!

Mary had a metal cow.
She milked it with a spanner.
The milk came out in shilling tins
With little ones a tanner!


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 19 May 07 - 06:35 PM

and the old one...

The boy stood on the burning deck
When all but he had fled
(Shouting out the battle-cry of freedom)

And when his feet were burned away
He stood upon his head
(Shouting out the battle-cry of freedom)

So hurrah for Mary! Hurrah for the lamb!
Hurrah for the little boy
Who didn't give a -

And when his feet were burned away
He stood upon his head
(Shouting out the battle-cry of freedom)


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 20 May 07 - 01:55 AM

Anybody remember the "Fractured Fairy Tales" from the "Rocky & Bullwinkle TV Show"


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 May 07 - 09:26 AM

As I woke one morning, when all sweet things are born,
A robin perched upon my sill, to signal the coming morn,
He was so sweet and gentle, as softly he did sing,
Sweet thoughts of love and happiness, into my heart did spring,
He sang his song so gently, then as he paused a lull,
I gently closed the window, and crushed his fucking skull.

eric


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 20 May 07 - 09:32 AM

ooooo, er...

Robin...


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Bernard
Date: 20 May 07 - 10:34 AM

Jack and Jill went up the hill
With no-one in the vicinity,
Jack came down minus half a crown
And Jill minus her pocket hankie!


The Grand Old Duke of York
He marched around the town
Sometimes with his trousers up
And sometimes with them down

And when they were up, they were up,
And when they were down, they were down,
And when they were only halfway up
He was arrested.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 May 07 - 08:30 PM

Little boy kneels by the sitting-room fire,
Little face flushed with abnormal desire.
Meow! MEOW! Oh, what is that?
Christopher Robin is sodding the cat.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,guitar
Date: 21 May 07 - 07:49 AM

I remember when I was on holiday in Australia and myself, father, sister and Brother in law where asked at the local school quiz where my nephew went was 'what did Little miss muffet' eat, and we put curds and whey, and somelse had put the answer 'porrige' and the teachers said that the answer was porrige.

i wonder when did little miss muffet
sat on her tuffet eating her porrige
I don't remeber that line

Tom


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Chicken Charlie
Date: 21 May 07 - 04:31 PM

Hickory-dickory-dock!
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one;
    ...The other one got away clean.


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her,
And said, "Excuse me, miss, is this seat taken?"


Tom, Tom, the piper's son,
Stole a pig and ...
    got twenty years to life.

Starkle, starkle, little twink!
Who the hell you are, I think?

Sing a song of six-pence,
A pocket full of rye--
Four and twenty blackbirds,
Baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened,
The birds began to sing,
And the king said:

[A] "Not blackbird pie again!"
[B] "Can't you keep that pie QUIET??"

There is also a Confederate version of the Union war song, "Battle Cry of Freedom" which incorporates a nursery rhyme--wonderfully ironic though not exactly falling-down-laughing humerous:

Mary had a little lamb, and its fleece was white as snow,
Shouting 'The Battle-Cry of Freedom.'
Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go;
Shouting 'The Battle-Cry of Freedom.'
Dixie forever! Hurrah, boys, hurrah!
Down with the eagle and up with the cross!
Let us rally round the flag, boys,
Rally once again,
Shout! Shout! the Battle Cry of Freedom

Chicken Charlie


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: guitar
Date: 22 May 07 - 05:19 AM

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does you garden grow
with your dog's shit how else

line from?


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Shauna goodman
Date: 20 Feb 11 - 01:43 AM

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down on top of Jill
And now they have a daughter.

:)


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Desi C
Date: 20 Feb 11 - 08:34 AM

Wow, what a mind you have!


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,mike
Date: 23 Nov 13 - 08:32 AM

Some fractured verses from "bile them cabbage down" song

Susie ran around the bush, Georgie ran to meet her,
she pulled up her petticoat and he pulled out for Georgia.

Little timmy lives alone, he cannot get a date,
so all he does is zit around and try and master checkers.

Susie had a little watch, she swallowed it one.day.
So now she's taking laxitives to pass the time away.

The laxitive, it did not work. The time it did not pass.
so if you want to know the time, just look up Susie's uncle-he's got a watch
...all I remember.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Dave Hunt
Date: 23 Nov 13 - 09:26 AM

Little boy sits at the foot of the stairs
Clutched in his hand a bunch of white hairs
Oh dear just fancy that
Christopher Robin's castrated the cat

Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed
Lily white hands caressing his head
Oh dear couldn't be worse
Christopher Robin is shagging his nurse

Little boy sits on the lavatory pan
Pulling and tugging his little old man
Plip- Plop - into the tank
Christopher Robin is having a wank


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,dallencpa01
Date: 24 Mar 14 - 02:00 PM

Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one and killed it.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Mar 14 - 09:14 PM

Heard at St Andrews University, 1959:

Little boy kneels by the sitting-room fire,
Little face flushed with abnormal desire.
Meow! Meow! Oh, what is that?
Christopher Robin is sodding the cat.

Chicken Charlie: The Confederate parody you mention must be the origin of a curious version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" that I have been hearing recently at pub sings, with the rousing chorus:

Hurrah for Mary! Hurrah for the lamb!
Hurrah for the Fenian boys who do not give a damn!
And everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go,
Shouting the battle cry of freedom.

After the usual verses, it goes on:

Mary had a little lamb.
It had a sooty foot,
And everywhere that Mary went,
Its sooty foot it put.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:18 AM

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was coarse and hairy
She spanked her lamb so hard one day
She popped its virgin cherry


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:27 AM

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack's health's down pat
But his wife's the fattest bitch you've ever seen


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:34 AM

The was an old woman who lived on the street
She smelled like a toilet and had nothing to eat
So she fished through a dumpster and to her surprise
Found a 3-day old burger and half eaten fries


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:47 AM

Three blind mice
Three blind mice
See how they run

Ruddy Delhi Balti House...


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:50 AM

On which subject: the mice weren't blind, but


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 24 Sep 17 - 10:09 AM

There was a little girl Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead,
When she was good she was very, very good
But when she was bad she was even better


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Sep 17 - 06:59 PM

Old King Cole


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Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Mr Red
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 05:49 AM

Hush, Hush, whisper who cares.
Christopher Robin has fallen down stairs.

Spike Milligan.


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