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BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!

hesperis 10 Apr 02 - 10:43 PM
JenEllen 10 Apr 02 - 10:47 PM
53 10 Apr 02 - 10:48 PM
JenEllen 10 Apr 02 - 10:52 PM
Amos 10 Apr 02 - 10:55 PM
Alice 10 Apr 02 - 11:03 PM
CarolC 10 Apr 02 - 11:08 PM
hesperis 10 Apr 02 - 11:39 PM
GUEST,mgarvey@pacifier.com 10 Apr 02 - 11:43 PM
katlaughing 10 Apr 02 - 11:50 PM
katlaughing 10 Apr 02 - 11:52 PM
Alice 11 Apr 02 - 12:06 AM
alison 11 Apr 02 - 01:26 AM
hesperis 11 Apr 02 - 01:32 AM
smallpiper at work 11 Apr 02 - 04:08 AM
Jeanie 11 Apr 02 - 04:45 AM
Hollowfox 11 Apr 02 - 06:59 AM
mooman 11 Apr 02 - 07:09 AM
GUEST,Matt_R 11 Apr 02 - 08:36 AM
McGrath of Harlow 11 Apr 02 - 08:42 AM
MMario 11 Apr 02 - 09:10 AM
Mrrzy 11 Apr 02 - 09:24 AM
SharonA 11 Apr 02 - 09:30 AM
RichM 11 Apr 02 - 10:00 AM
Alice 11 Apr 02 - 10:51 AM
catspaw49 11 Apr 02 - 10:53 AM
Deda 11 Apr 02 - 11:21 AM
Mary in Kentucky 11 Apr 02 - 11:39 AM
DonMeixner 11 Apr 02 - 11:45 AM
GUEST,joe in the 'pool 11 Apr 02 - 12:03 PM
GutBucketeer 11 Apr 02 - 12:35 PM
Lepus Rex 11 Apr 02 - 01:22 PM
Amergin 11 Apr 02 - 01:53 PM
weepiper 11 Apr 02 - 02:00 PM
Bobert 11 Apr 02 - 02:32 PM
Catherine Jayne 11 Apr 02 - 03:34 PM
Irish sergeant 11 Apr 02 - 03:58 PM
GUEST,maryrrf 11 Apr 02 - 04:07 PM
katlaughing 11 Apr 02 - 04:17 PM
hesperis 11 Apr 02 - 04:36 PM
Mr Red 11 Apr 02 - 05:48 PM
RangerSteve 11 Apr 02 - 07:19 PM
Mary in Kentucky 11 Apr 02 - 08:18 PM
McGrath of Harlow 11 Apr 02 - 08:24 PM
GUEST,Just Amy 11 Apr 02 - 08:40 PM
53 11 Apr 02 - 10:28 PM
GUEST,mgarvey@pacifier.com 11 Apr 02 - 11:10 PM
katlaughing 11 Apr 02 - 11:16 PM
Ianfe 12 Apr 02 - 12:23 AM
hesperis 12 Apr 02 - 12:24 AM
Alice 12 Apr 02 - 12:48 AM
katlaughing 12 Apr 02 - 01:38 AM
mooman 12 Apr 02 - 05:02 AM
Little Hawk 12 Apr 02 - 10:33 AM
Kim C 12 Apr 02 - 10:59 AM
SharonA 12 Apr 02 - 11:11 AM
Mrrzy 12 Apr 02 - 12:06 PM
catspaw49 12 Apr 02 - 12:11 PM
Jande 12 Apr 02 - 03:21 PM
53 12 Apr 02 - 07:38 PM
hesperis 16 Apr 02 - 01:10 AM
Little Hawk 16 Apr 02 - 01:35 AM
Fibula Mattock 16 Apr 02 - 04:54 AM
Stephen L. Rich 16 Apr 02 - 06:09 AM
SharonA 16 Apr 02 - 09:27 AM
SharonA 16 Apr 02 - 09:41 AM
Amos 16 Apr 02 - 11:11 AM
Amergin 16 Apr 02 - 11:26 AM
Liz the Squeak 16 Apr 02 - 11:55 AM
Guessed 17 Apr 02 - 10:10 AM
GUEST 17 Apr 02 - 11:25 PM
DancingMom 18 Apr 02 - 11:31 PM
hesperis 19 Apr 02 - 02:17 AM
Liz the Squeak 19 Apr 02 - 02:58 AM
Jande 19 Apr 02 - 10:58 AM
Amos 19 Apr 02 - 11:24 AM
Liz the Squeak 19 Apr 02 - 12:12 PM
Little Hawk 20 Apr 02 - 12:39 AM
Amos 20 Apr 02 - 02:03 AM
hesperis 25 Apr 02 - 12:52 AM
CarolC 25 Apr 02 - 01:07 AM
Amos 25 Apr 02 - 01:18 AM
hesperis 06 May 02 - 10:00 PM
Amos 06 May 02 - 10:47 PM
hesperis 06 May 02 - 11:24 PM
Amos 06 May 02 - 11:40 PM
Amergin 06 May 02 - 11:58 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 May 02 - 12:12 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 May 02 - 06:58 AM
53 07 May 02 - 03:02 PM
E.T. 07 May 02 - 10:26 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 08 May 02 - 12:00 AM
hesperis 08 May 02 - 09:57 PM
Amergin 08 May 02 - 10:08 PM
Amos 09 May 02 - 04:31 PM
Liz the Squeak 09 May 02 - 04:50 PM
wysiwyg 09 May 02 - 04:50 PM
hesperis 09 May 02 - 09:01 PM
Irish sergeant 10 May 02 - 04:11 PM
hesperis 10 May 02 - 06:11 PM
Amergin 10 May 02 - 06:28 PM
wysiwyg 10 May 02 - 07:27 PM
CarolC 10 May 02 - 08:01 PM
GUEST,Just Amy 10 May 02 - 08:54 PM
Liz the Squeak 11 May 02 - 03:28 AM
CapriUni 11 May 02 - 08:05 PM
Irish sergeant 11 May 02 - 08:15 PM
Lepus Rex 12 May 02 - 12:55 AM
hesperis 14 May 02 - 02:59 PM

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Subject: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 10:43 PM

Ok, it's one of those times. I *really* need hugs.

I'm 23 years old, bright, beautiful, intelligent, talented, and I feel like a total failure.

My teeth need a lot of work, which I can't afford and don't have insurance for. Two out of the three temporary fillings broke today, and my mouth is full of blood. I already have a problem with iron deficiency, this isn't helping.

I can't get a job and I've been in this town for over three months. I had what I thought was a great interview, and nothing. If there's a problem with my references, I dont know about it, and that's all I can think of for WHY I didn't get that job.

I don't know where rent is coming from, or food, unless I ask my EX-boyfriend for help, yet again.

I haven't had energy for anything all week, probably because of the iron getting low, plus vitamin b, plus not getting vegetables because I am running low on money. I had a whole package of beans but it's not cooking up properly, and it's hard to chew.

I've been working at two volunteer jobs that I love, for something to do, and because I haven't had energy to give them lately, they've totally slowed down.

I've been trying to record a CD's worth of original songs onto my computer, but now that I just got a stereo converter I've discovered the borrowed patch cords are mono. People are begging me for the CD, and I said it would be out in May. And not enough people are begging me for it, for me to get a loan from someone.

There's no way I can go back on welfare... they're even worse now than they were when I was on it before.

And I have been having a lot of trouble trying to get various websites actually working. And I can't offer online payments unless I have a credit card or a debit card. Like I can get a credit card? And my bank doesn't offer a debit card.

Don't you sometimes wonder why you're STILL here? Sigh.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Hugs, please...


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 10:47 PM

Fuck the hugs, darlin'girl. PM me your new address.
luv,
Jen


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: 53
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 10:48 PM

Hang in there, I know its tough but just keep on trying. I know that you get tired of hearing that but you have to believe in yourself. I know cause I've been right where you are and matter of fact Im almost there now. Do no give up. Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 10:52 PM

Yes, what Bob said! (apologies for earlier posting, I have a really bad habit of 'circling the wagons' *g*) What I should have said was "Please let us know how to help" and I'll send along something that might aid you a little bit while the hugs are pouring in, eh? Take care, and chin up.
~JE


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 10:55 PM

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{H.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hang in there, lass.

There is a light out there...promise!

You've got what it takes, and you WILL make it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Alice
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 11:03 PM

You still have your youth, which is a gift of time. My advice, looking back on when I was 23 and felt like I was in a similar situation... don't think you have to do everything at once to "make it" with your music, your job, etc. You have time to get there, even if the CD isn't done in May. Take the pressure off yourself by focussing on getting a job with health insurance. When you have that squared away, be patient, get healthy, save money, and work at it as a long term plan, step by step foundation, working on each priority, not launching all of your plans at once.

Take care, good luck.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 11:08 PM

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

The reason why you're still here is because we still need you.

About those temporary fillings, around here, we can get temporary filling material from the pharmacy. I know because I've been using it on two of my teeth for about five years. Terrible eh! But it's better than holes.

You still have your gift to give to the world. You're not finished with it yet. So you have to keep at it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 11:39 PM

Jen - I'm a little embarrased now, myself. But thanks.

Bob - sometimes you do need to hear it again. lol

Amos - thanks! *Hug!*

Alice - Thanks for the very practical advice, now I hope I can take it. Already have too many irons in the fire, and can't decide which one(s?) to put on hold. *g*

Carol - {{{{{HUGS!}}}}}

I'm feeling better than when I first posted that. The situation isn't better, but I have to pick myself up because there isn't anything else to do. Thanks for letting me rant.

~*hessy*~


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GUEST,mgarvey@pacifier.com
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 11:43 PM

Since you need medical help and rent, this might be a time to consider moving back home for a year or two while you get on your feet. If you have relatives nearby, this is the time to turn to them, especially for a place to stay. Then look for your nearest university dental school. I know the University of Washington has an excellent dental program at not very high cost. Do you eat red meat? Go on food stamps if you can get them and get yourself a bunch of it for the iron and B vitamins. Think about going to Kelly Girls or Olsten or whatever for temp jobs and keep apply ing for jobs. If your dental problems are obvious, that can be a factor in getting denied..and it can also affect your health. Look for a way to get free rent..elder-sitting, child care, relatives, apartment management...

If you want to give us an idea of what the nearest big city is, we could maybe help. Don't worry about the music for now.

mg


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 11:50 PM

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

I'd like your new addy, too, sirepsehdarlin', if you don't mind PMing it to me.

I agree with Alice, the CD can wait. Top priority is finding a good job with some kind of health bennies. How large is the town you are in? Is there good opportunity there?

We have a couple of dentists here who will take very small payments, as little as $5-10 per month for work on people who are on a ltd. income. Maybe you could call around and find one there who would be as kind and understanding. OR, you might be able to trade-out/barter some clerical work or something in exchange for dental work.

Try to drink some Ensure or something like that every day, so that you get your nutrients and it will be easy on your teeth and gums. It might help to rinse with hydrogen peroxide to keep the bacteria down in your mouth and to help with the bleeding. It is very important to get this checked as problems with bleeding in the mouth can lead to far more serious complications if left untreated. It would be good if you had some antibiotics or at least some garlic which you could roast and soften to eat, as it has natural antibiotics in it.

If you are not sure about your references, it is a good idea to contact them and ask if there is a problem or ask them if there is anything you can do to assist them in answering queries about your abilities. Also, call back the places where you think you had good interviews, or go see them and ask them for pointers in how your interview went, from their perspective, and ask for tips on how to do a better job on the next one. This will not only give you something constructive to focus on and maybe help get you the next job, but it will also show them that they might need to rethink not hiring you as you will be showing initiative and a willingness to learn.

Are the volunteer jobs listed on your resume? Are they jobs which could turn into paying jobs?

Also, you don't have to take credit cards. You can set up a store on eBay and use their pay services. THAT should take a back burner, though, imo, to getting your job and health status improved.

If welfare is not an option, and I do understand, is there a foodstamp program for which you might qualify? Are there food banks which you can go to for staples, etc? Also, they may have some ideas on help with your rent and utilities to tide you over. Is the EX-boyfriend kind about helping or would he hold it over you, feed into negative feelings about yourself, etc?

You have much to offer and a lot of talent with plenty of time. Making a list can be helpful. But most of all remember that we are here and you are part of this community and we care about you and will do what we can to help.

luvyakat


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Apr 02 - 11:52 PM

Also, I've got a publication which I cna email to you with all kinds of exchange jobs for free living space, etc. all over.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Alice
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 12:06 AM

Hessy, I didn't start doing anything seriously with singing until I was in my 40's so don't think you have to conquer all of that now. There is something about ripening with age and life experience that helps to make art and music even richer as you get older. I was going to suggest, too, that you connect with your relatives at this time. Family support is important when you are unemployed and ill (dental stuff is so painful). When I got out of art school I thought I had to work at becoming a famous painter RIGHT AWAY. I thought I would be a failure if I didn't. Well, I painted myself into poverty and illness. Back then I should have taken a job in a gallery or museum or ad agency or anything instead of sitting in my rented room painting and worrying. Do you have a state job service or employment agency that you can go to? Temp agencies can sometimes place you in jobs that provide connections to full time work.

Keep in touch with us. Hang in there.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: alison
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 01:26 AM

big hugs from me too.... forget the CD for the time being and look after yourself

love

alison


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 01:32 AM

mgarvey - thanks, food banks would really help out right now, as would temp work. As for my family, it consists of one person, who is not in this country right now, and who is not doing that great herself. (That's where I got this from.) I can at least talk to her on ICQ.

kat - I don't know much about job-searching, that's for sure. This is a medium-big city, with lots of opportunity. Unfortunately I have no transportation, and the nearest couple of plazas haven't any place that's hired me. Walking an hour each way to work is not a good idea, even for a couple of weeks to get a paycheck so I can take the bus... we'll see how it goes.

And I haven't had much in the way of jobs in the past because my health was even worse then. Now it's pretty much just my teeth and the general nutritional deficiency. The allergies are much better now and I am able to actually assimilate nutrients.

I will contact the people who didn't contact me. Thanks for the tip.

The volunteer work is definitely listed on the resume! It's good work, (I'm actually an admin for a couple of online projects,) and it's all I've done for work in the past two years. I've also studied a lot, but none of it is accredited, unfortunately. Not sure how to make that show up on the resume, as at least it would show that I haven't just been sitting on my duff since leaving high school!

The ex-bf is very nice about it, we are definitely still friends and he does care a lot for me, but that almost makes it worse to accept his help, especially since I know his financial situation isn't the greatest either. (And I know that an acquantance is telling him to not help me out. Some friend THAT one is!)

That publication sounds cool! Send 'er over.

Alice - I really need to get this stuff recorded. Mostly to get it DOWN - and the material does deserve it. I have a lot of life experience crammed in these 23 years... just not a lot of practical lifeskills, heh. (And where do we see your art?)


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: smallpiper at work
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 04:08 AM

look after the body and the soul will look after itself. Here's a big hug from over the pond and keep on ranting and raving. Don't drink tea it stops you from absorbing iron. I don't know how they work things over there but any kind of job is better than non. Check out what happened at your interviews and put the courses you've done on your resume even if they haven't been accredited. check out your references you may need to get them updated. And everything everyone else has said. Take care and keep us updated.

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Jeanie
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 04:45 AM

And another big hug from England. Hope it all starts turning around for you very soon - Today, even ! With Love - Jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Hollowfox
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 06:59 AM

When I got out of college (I'm in the USA), a company called Snelling & Snelling got me a job working in a hospital. The fee was part of my first three paychecks. While working as a ward clerk wasn't my life's goal, it was a good first job. You might want to try S&S, or applying at a local hospital.
For immediate nutritional help, you might want to try the local "Help Hotline" emergency telephone switchboard. You know, the suicide prevention/shelter for the homeless/etc phone line. They are up on your local social services, including food banks I bet, and could probably point you toward a food bank or something. Take care, darlin', hollowfox


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: mooman
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 07:09 AM

Big hugs from Belgium too...and hang in there, things will improve I'm sure.

Being over here I don't know what practical help I can offer, maybe with technical aspects of the CD if needed?

Take care of yourself

mooman


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 08:36 AM

Hugs, Hesp. I know fully what you're going through. Hope everything gets better soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 08:42 AM

Maybe the CD isn't the biggest worry, but sometimes it's the little worries that get you down. Sometimes it's the little ones that can be fixed, like sending a letter you've been putting off, and it's niggling at the back of your mind.

"I really need to get this stuff recorded. Mostly to get it DOWN" All that really needs to get it down is access to a tape recorder, so you could do it that way. Once its on tape, turning that into a CD is straightforward enough, and if there's some reason your equipment can't do it, there are friends around on the Mudcat and I'm sure elsewhere who could do it. And once you've got a single CD made, copying it as many times as you like is a doddle. (Admittedly I haven't a clue what patch cords are, so maybe it's a bit more complicated with your type of music.)

Good luck anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 09:10 AM

more hugs coming to you hesperis! Definately allow yourself to rant and vent.

And MATT! Don't be such a stranger. (sorry for the thread creepage)


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 09:24 AM

Poor you! Let us know how it goes, sounds awful!


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: SharonA
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 09:30 AM

Hugs and more hugs, and LOTS of sympathy for the dental problems you're going through! And a pox on that friend of your ex-boyfriend's!!

Taking a temp job got me through a bad period in my life after I was laid off from a full-time job; temping also got me the job I have now, as the company I was temping for finally hired me when another job offer threatened to take me away from them! Many (most? all?) temp agencies (in the US at least) are now offering health benefits, so they're certainly worth looking into to help you over the hump.

Your health (including your dental health) is the A#1 priority here; it's got to be the best it can be so that you can do your best work and make your best music. As McGrath says, record your music in some simple way to "get it down" and get a CD made from that (and worry about perfection later – in the meantime, you might get some even better ideas about arranging the music!).

I wasn't in such good shape, health-wise, at 23 either, and now I'm just-about-not-quite twice as old as you are, so I can tell you from experience that these things DO work out but they do take time. It's hard to be strong when your body's feeling weak, but just keep on leaning on the good people in your life for help, and make up your mind to stick around long enough to return the favor someday!

Signing off with one more hug,
Sharon


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: RichM
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 10:00 AM

Could you get welfare for a while? Just long enough perhaps to have the dental work done? Alternatively, Dental schools perform low cost work, done by students, but closely supervised by a fully qualified dentist/teacher?

It's important for teeth to be in good shape-- and not just for cosmetic reasons. Gums that become infected can stay that way for a long time, which can cause subsequent infections in other organs, particularly your heart.

My wife, for instance, is generally healthy, but she must take antibiotics before ANY dental work, including cleaning. This because she has a minor heart defect that is susceptible to mouth related infection.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Alice
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 10:51 AM

Good morning and hugs for you today, Hesperis. If you are in a city, there must be a food bank there somewhere. We have one here in our little rural town, and anyone can go there, no questions asked, to get free food. Try calling the local Salvation Army, and they should be able to give you contacts to any support systems there that you could use. You may be able to even find paid work on your computer from home. Is there a local college or university? Typing papers for students is a possible work at home job. It's harder without transportation - I had only a bike or walking until I got a car at age 32, and there is no public transportation here. I lived close to a campus and found a job there. Here is my art -> Alice Flynn


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 10:53 AM

Hugs from here too and you've gotten plenty of good advice. I know everything seems to need done now, but if you take care of yourself now, there will be more time later. I figured I'd never make 40 at best and so lived hard and didn't care when I was young. Trust me, taking care of your health now is a lot easier than paying the price later when you outlive your "estimate."

Get a job and do what HAS to be done......If you don't, those dreams will never happen....fact.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Deda
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 11:21 AM

Dear H
I have done a little ranting of my own in PMs lately, but you are facing some big deals here -- you have my sympathy.
You've gotten great advice here. I would only add this -- Walking an hour each way to work (or half an hour, or 45 minutes) every day would probably be great for you. It's spring, and the exercise would help you sleep well, and the time walking is a time for calming and creative thought. Don't rule it out. Let yourself slow down if you can. You are wonderfully young, and you have lots of time to do what you're going to do. Walk in any case, work or no work; just walk around and look at the neighborhood, the buildings, the sky, the passersby, the cars.
I hope everything starts to get easier for you very soon!


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 11:39 AM

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

Now for the practical stuff...

A job search is the most frustrating, depressing, kick-in-the-teeth (sorry about the reference there) experience you'll go through. Just keep in mind that it's temporary and some day when you seen others going through the same thing, you'll be compassionate. With all your serious problems, remember that you have youth, and things will get better soon. There is some good advice here. Keep asking for what you need.

If you need some job search materials, let me know, I have several boxes. My first thought...are you a college graduate? If so, your alma mater has a service (free) to assist in the job search. If not, there are ways to access their help.

Take care of your health first and foremost. A happy life from a secure job will help a lot.

{{{{{{{{{MORE HUGS}}}}}}}}}}


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: DonMeixner
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 11:45 AM

Email me and address, I'll send you some vitamins and maybe even a box or to of girls scout cookies. I also have some odd things that may help.

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GUEST,joe in the 'pool
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 12:03 PM

Hesperis,

Ahh! go on you rant all you want, it's probably the greatest release and it costs nothing (apart from your net bill!). I live in The City in Britain known for its ranters! Liverpool, ask anyone we're known for it nation wide and we love it, it keeps us healthy in mind, body and soul...take care of yourself, things will improve just keep plugging away.

bye bye Joe


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GutBucketeer
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 12:35 PM

Hesperis:

Boy do I feel for you. We are in the same situation with my wife's teeth. All of a sudden she needs 3 major root canals and has a split tooth that we can't pay for ($7,000), and she is in pain. It even costs $300 to have a tooth pulled.

Here is a hug too.()

You are very talented (I loved your story) and will make it somehow. I know when I was looking, I ended up where I never thought I would be. Try to think outside the box and something may come up that will surprise you.

Good luck in finding new adventures and opportunities (i.e. work).


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 01:22 PM

Aagh, bummer, hesperis. I was in a similar position when I was a little younger than you (but without the boyfriend or the music), but just look at me now! Oh... never mind. I'm still poor with bad teeth. But, hey, you're more clever than I was! :B

Seriously, good luck. :)

---Lepus Rex


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amergin
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 01:53 PM

Jesus, Hes.....here got some big thoughts of hugs heading your way...

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HES))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Now you take care....and things will work out! It is just getting them to work out that's the bugger.....

If you need to rant or anyone to listen to...feel free to pm me...

take care.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: weepiper
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 02:00 PM

((((((((hesperis))))))))

Oh dear, poor you... I know exactly what it's like to have it all build up until suddenly you just explode with misery. I had a similar episode before Christmas where I was on the point of bursting into tears every day, and yet I couldn't put the finger on exactly why. Plenty of things were going ok in my life (I had a job, house, cats, boyfriend, friends, music) but aspects of my life were really getting me down (not the job I want, can't do up the house for lack of cash, had hardly seen boyfriend for weeks because he was busy recording, no time to practice the pipes because too busy working etc).

In the end I spent about a whole day bawling my eyes out about it. It was horrible but it did get better. If you have any close friends round there get over and pour your heart out, you WILL feel better after you do so, even if practically things don't change immediately.

Best of luck and warm thoughts from someone who knows how it feels


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 02:32 PM

First and formost, if you have Faith, then this situation will pass and doors will open for you. But ya' gotta knock on lots of doors to find the right ones.

A few of things I can think of for your most immediate needs. Churches. Dental schools that do work for free or close to free. Temp agencies to get a few bucks are always looking for folks. The pay ain't great but it is pay. Check the classified for a situaion where you could work someplace where your room and board is offered. Put an ad in the classified under "situations wanted" telling what you can and will do. Call the Salvation Army. Call the Welfare Department and Area Agency on Aging to see if anyone needs a "companion provider". Resturants always need waitnesses and though it's no fun, the tips are immediate cash.

And if you have done the above and still nothing, PM me.

BIG HUG, from this ol' hillbilly...

Bobert

p.s. Don't ask the X for help. There's a reason he's the X. You'll get through this without him.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 03:34 PM

((((((((((BIG HUGGS))))))))))) From a tiny village in England with people with big kind hearts.

You must start to look after yourself, and I know that can seem hard at times. I am off work sick at the moment and I will not be returning in the near future. My boss wont pay me sick pay so I dont know where rent etc is coming from yet.........I am going to have to swallow my pride and go and see the benefits agency. I am nearly 22 and have graduated university with a 1st class honours degree and I can't get a job. At the mo I am working (when I eventually get told I can return) in a nightclub serving drinks. I do what I have to do and try to keep smiling.

Please look after yourself

(((((((((((((((MORE BIG HUGGS)))))))))))))))))))))

catx


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 03:58 PM

BIG DAMNED HUG x MAny!

O.K. Hes, I don't know what else I can add. For the dental problem, particularly if you have bleeding gums rinse with warm salt water. Set your priorities. 1 Health. Do what it takes to get better. I don't know about where you are but most cities of more that postage stamp size have low cost or no cost clinics. If you care to PM your address feel free. I know here in New York you would likely be eligible for some sort of assisstance/ 2- if your health with tolerate it and you can find nothing else, you might watch kids for mothers in the neighborhood for some spare cash until you can get on your feet. You might also use the web to hunt work also. That will save you the money of using the bus initially and you might be able to work at home with some jobs. 3- Don't underestimate the theraputic value of a good Rant, bitch cry, All of the above. Stress kills and you'll need to keep that in mind also if your health is to improve. If you need an ear to blast on everyso often, PM. I will get back to you and contrary to what the guys in my Civil War unit will tell you I actually am pretty good at the sympathetic ear thing. 4- Don't do it all at once and try to keep a little cretivity going. 5- LAstly, remember that you are well and truly loved by the people here and when the proverbial brown smelly stuff is hitting the fan we are hear for you even if it is only to be a sounding board. Do get better and Chin up. Neil (Who is living a secret life as Aidan the Wanderer if only in his mind)


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GUEST,maryrrf
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 04:07 PM

It's been said in other posts, but take heart. You've got youth on your side, and that counts for a lot. Your body will recuperate, give yourself a little loving care and practice some positive, creative visualization. Trust me, it works!


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 04:17 PM

I emailed you the pub, today, and I noticed some things at least in the same country as you are in!*bg* I do think you'll find it interesting.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 04:36 PM

smallpiper - The studying I did was just on the internet trying to learn what I can of various subjects - web design, music, and mythology, mostly. Guess I can list that as great internet research skills, at least. Good idea. Thanks for the hug.

Jeanie - *Hugs back*

'fox - Great idea! I always used to fall through the cracks, but it was just that I didn't know what help was out there. You wouldn't believe how many times I've later found a program that *could* have helped if I'd known about it at the time... so there's gotta be something for right now, somewhere!

mooman - Thanks. I'll get this nutritional thing dealt with first, then work, then CD. And I'll definitely pick anyone's brains on mixing and mastering!

Matt - GREAT to see you!!! Thanks for the hug, and good luck to you too.

McG - patch cords are the things that are attached to mics and keyboards that go to the mixer or the line-in, lol. I'm pretty much doing computer music. Finally got the midi keyboard working after three years of it gathering dust, heh. The vocals and flutes need to be recorded in audio, then the midi needs to be recorded to audio, then it all gets mixed together. So I've pretty much got the setup I need, just need stereo cords for the vocals. A midi keyboard where I can record both hands at once would really help too, but that's a luxury right now.

MMario - *BIG HUG!*

Mrrzy - Thanks. Sympathy is good too! *Soaks it up*

Sharon - Yay, more hugs! Yep, first things first, right? Why is that so hard?

RichM - I've been on welfare, and even in an absolute emergency, they treat you like you aren't even a human being, and you're screwing the government for no reason save total laziness. If I went back on welfare, I would have a ton of emotional crap to deal with on top of all the other stuff that I'm already dealing with. So it wouldn't really help at this stage. Food banks and real "helping organizations" look like a better plan for the short-term. Thanks for the heads-up about the dental stuff...

Alice - Will do. Wow, that's some beautiful work you've got.

Spaw - *Hugs!* Yeah, I've already outlived my estimate... so I know what you mean. I'm still here, and I'd better DEAL with it, eh?

Deda - I can dance for half an hour a day. I can walk for three hours a day. More than that, and I need sleep, immediately. So it would depends on the work - sitting work is fine with a large walk each way. Standing or walking work.... uhhh... give me a couple of years to get in better shape. *g*

Mary - Yay! *HUGS!* Nope, never went to higher ed. I would LOVE to go. Job search materials would definitely help, I'm feeling rather clueless.

Don - thanks, vitamins would help. PM will be sent shortly.

Joe - yep. Feeling much better from the rant, and even better from the caring responses.

GutBucketeer - thanks! Yeah, I love writing. And well-wishes for you and your wife, too.

Lepus - Thanks, rabbitking! *Hug*

Amergin - {{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}} to you too. Yep, it's actually doing it... lol.

weepiper - {{{{Hugs!}}}} Yeah. It really is the little things that GET you. I do have a lot going for me, and I know it... but those patch cords being mono instead of stereo totally set me off. And I think I already knew they were mono... sheesh.

Bobert - yep. Thank you. And good point about the ex-bf, though he is definitely still a friend, I need to learn how to be a *self* again...

catsPHiddle - (Very cool name, btw.) {{{{{{{{{{Hugs!}}}}}}}}}} What's your degree?

Neil - thanks! *VERY BIG HUG* Yes. Priorities are good. And don't worry, I have to keep a little creativity going. (I will be digging Goddess Quest out again soon, too, if only to post the first few chapters where y'all can read them again.)

Maryrrf - *Hug!* Thanks.

kat - received, and will look through it as soon as I find out where the food bank is.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Mr Red
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 05:48 PM

I sympathise, outa work and nobody's answerin'. I had my name down at a job agency, rang 'em popped-in, and went-in again to ask about a job they had on the web, fobbed off as if I was worrying over trivia. Fibnally pressed my case to the point of departure over a new ad and explained my suitability (v good) and they would ring me back! They did - yippeeeee! Er could I send my cv, they seem to be unable to find it. Well................ am I displeased? Well.............
As I always explain "If you want a keen go-getter then he would err on the side of pestering " but somehow I don't seem to be able to convince them.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: RangerSteve
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 07:19 PM

I really don't have anything to add, except another hug.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 08:18 PM

Dear hesperis...

You need a plan. You've already got the support group and resources, it's just very difficult to keep hitting your head against the proverbial brick wall when you don't feel good. The first priority is to get some income, then you can analyze what you want to do with the rest of your life, set goals and make plans for achieving them. You need to network as much as possible as quickly as possible. Don't waste too much time on want ads or internet job sites (they are just big classifieds). Very few jobs are gained this way. (but some are...the trick is to have the EXACT qualifications advertised.) Besides, all the rejection is very hard to deal with everyday. Contact (in person preferably) every organization you can find. For every 10 people you talk to, 9 will be a dead end, the 10th will be a "guru" leading in many different directions. You cannot wait for these contacts to come to you, besides, you don't have time. If you don't have friends in organizations you can call, just go down the list starting with ministers at churches. They can give you names of people to contact. This is a very hard thing for almost all people to do, it just doesn't come natural. But make those calls, and then follow up on them. Just start with meeting a friend for lunch (anywhere) and asking for names and telephone numbers and ideas.

Much of the job search materials I have (from two different outplacement companies, two different college alum offices, several friends' materials, and lots of personal experience) will be useful down the road for you.

Let us know your progress. You can use a computer at a library, even set a cookie before you're asked to leave... been there ;-) When you're ready I have more info...

and yes, {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 08:24 PM

Yeah well, it is a different kind of music. The basic principle applies though - if you get it down in some basic way with just the bare bones, it's there safe for when you can concentrate upon it, and that's one worry off your back.

And make sure to eat breakfast. Porridge is a good idea. Somehow there's a sense of achievement when you make porridge, one you don't get with cereals out of a packet. And it's cheaper.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GUEST,Just Amy
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 08:40 PM

been there, done that, bought the T-shirt (well, not actually bought the T-shirt because I didn't have enought money for it). These are my hints. I arrived in Los Angeles with no job and little money. I was down to 23 cents in my pocket at one time. But now I have a great job in a studio.

First, get your teeth fixed! If not, they will give you bad breathe that will keep you from getting a job. Check with several dental offices and see if they will let you get dental work for barter.

Contact the Salvation Army. They have counselors that can help you. Don't like them. Almost all religious groups have some kind of counseling system in place. And they usually have food pantries too.

Signing up with many temp services is a good idea. Don't use just one though. Sign up with 5 or 6. Also, most temp agencies know about low cost housing and can help with the other stuff too.

You are young and your life is all ahead of you. Follow your fate.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: 53
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 10:28 PM

Hope things are looking better today than yesterday. You have a lot of friends here and we all love you. I'll check in tomorrow, until the LOL. Bob and Glenda.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GUEST,mgarvey@pacifier.com
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 11:10 PM

I don't even know what country you live in. Is it the U.S.? If so, I would contact my Employment Security office and see if there are any training programs..there are many under Workforce or whatever it is called...they might be able to help with the dental work and medical needs. In fact, if they don't have programs, I think you need to get some employment training. It could be a one year secretarial course, or preferably a two year course of some kind. You could get work-study while you are enrolled. Community Colleges here have cheap medical insurance and probably a referral system to dentists etc. Worth a try. mg


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Apr 02 - 11:16 PM

sirepseh, darlin'...it's so sweet of you to answer each one of us, but please don't feel you have to...wouldn't want to add any stress that way. Here are a couple of things for you:

My acupuncturist was lamenting the fact that most people do not drink enough water; most are in a state of constant semi-dehydration, which can be so detrimental to health. He says the following to anyone who asks to study acupuncture with him:

Eat food

Drink water

Breath air



If they can do that for a year, then they can come back to start lessons. I know it sounds pretty basic and we all know to do those things, but we often are not kind to ourselves, so we skip the 8 glasses or more of water per day and we take shallow breaths or forget to eat. So deep breaths, esp. when stressed, are good for us, as well as the water and food!*bg*

The other thing is a bit of cheer: Do you know where salad dressing goes when it doesn't feel good?






The mayo clinic!:-)


luvyakat


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Ianfe
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:23 AM

Hesparis,

*biggest hug ever*

You know I'm here for you. If you need help with the music or anything else, I'm at your call.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:24 AM

Ok, I've been putting clove oil and oregano oil on my teeth, and will be ok until I can get to my dentist, who is going to be reasonable about the money stuff. So that's ok.

I've got enough food for the next little while, and will call places starting tomorrow. The plan of attack is a lot better planned than it's ever been.

Thanks, phoaks! I'll definitely let you know how it all goes.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Alice
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:48 AM

Good luck, take care. - alice


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 01:38 AM

Yea! Good for you and your dentist!


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: mooman
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 05:02 AM

Dear Hes,

If you need a decent MIDI synth and I find someone crossing over to the States (I do myself sometimes) I'll give you a lend of mine. So you can cross that off your list! Could help with advice or practical help on mastering/mixing at some future stage if needed (as can several people here).

Most important thing as you said yourself...get well, once that's sorted focus on what you're good at and like and make a go for it and the rest can follow after. And remember you've a lot of friends here even though many of us have never met you. Three years ago, I'd never heard of Mudcat, now I've met a good 50 or 60 in person and they are wonderful people, one and all!

Take care

Moo


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 10:33 AM

Kat - Well said about the food, water, and air! I just had a thorough analysis done of my general health by a naturopath who is a friend of mine. Conclusion: I've been drinking WAY too little water (I knew that, but had not been paying much attention to it...). I am now attempting to drink 8 glasses of water a day. I was afraid at first that I might drown! :-) Well, it's been 3 days and the eliminative functions, to put it delicately, are working an awful lot better than usual.

It's going to be hard not to slip back into my accustomed mode of daily dehydration, but I am giving it a good shot...gotta go and drink another glass of water. See ya. Glug!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Kim C
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 10:59 AM

MATT where the SAM HILL have you been?!!!!?!!!

I know, Hesperis, I find it very easy to get discouraged, because I am just too damn hard on myself, not to mention impatient. I feel like I work hard and get little results - but maybe that's not really true. It is easy to get mired in the little stuff and not see the big picture.

So take a step back, look at the panoramic view, and trust that the Universe knows what it's doing. :-)


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Subject: RE: Job Search and Job Training Programs
From: SharonA
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 11:11 AM

Hesperis: When I got laid off in '92 and applied for unemployment payments, one of the things I was told to do was to choose a retraining program to which I was entitled under the law. I met with a county employee to go over their programs and my preferences, and she informed me of a new (at that time) option for which the government grants were still in the process of being approved. It was a 16-week course, a far better option than any other on the table, so I chose it and bit the bullet economically until the grants went through and the course began 3 months later. It was well worth the wait (especially since the firm at which the training was held hired me as a part-time instructor the day the course ended!).

I'm not sure if that 16-week training program was ever held again after that year; when I left, the organization that initiated the program (the Greater Philadelphia Urban Affairs Coalition) wasn't sure they'd get another grant. But the reason I tell this anecdote is to advise you to explore your education/training options assertively; don't assume that training programs remain the same over time. Make sure you're aware of those one-time-only, to-be-cancelled-next-year opportunities for free or inexpensive education, so you can take advantage of them while they're around.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:06 PM

Hang in there Hes!


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:11 PM

Hes, have you been reading Night Owl's Tale? The threads are "A Mudcatter's Thank You" and are now up to a part 3.....Give it a try and see how viewpoint and friends, combined with hope, a never-give-up attitude, and a lot of hard work, can take you places you never thought possible.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Jande
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 03:21 PM

Hello Hes!

I'm really very sorry to hear that your troubles have been getting you down. I'm warmed to the bottom of my heart by the warmth, humanity, and compassion the people in this thread have offered you, not to mention their very practical advice.

Perhaps there is something I can do for you too. If you will PM me, and tell me exactly what you need in the way of patch cords for your setup, I will purchase some and snail-mail them to you, or bring them with me when next I come up, but I think mailing will be faster.

Remember, too that I also have the Roland, here. If you think that would be helpful to you, you are welcome to borrow it for a few months. Perhaps we could bring that, too. Or perhaps someone here could pick it up and bring it to you sooner than I could.(From Upstate NY to Ontario)

And as far as transportation goes, as you know I have a lot of experience bike-riding in the big city-o, so tell me what you need and I'll do my best to get some of the things you need to you.

I admire the way that you can howl when you are in desperate straits! I've always had difficulty with that. My own way is to quietly fade away so as not to be a burden or embarrassment to people who care about me. And yet it really is a double standard, for I am moved by your plight and want to help, along with all the others here who care about you.

Hes, without really being aware of it, you have helped me to live a richer and more rewarding life in so many ways. I only wish I was far enough advanced financially to really help you now, since I believe in your skills and your talents, and your ability to achieve your heart's desire given enough time and financial support.

Keep on hangin' in there! And we'll all do the best to help you each in our own way according to our means.

Love, ~ Jande


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: 53
Date: 12 Apr 02 - 07:38 PM

Looks like things might be changing.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 01:10 AM

Mr. Red - Yeah. I tend to err on the passive side, but am definitely getting help to move beyond that. Have a few *hugs* and some good luck wishes for your own search!

RangerSteve - Hug!

Mary in Kentucky - "proverbial brick wall" LOL! Yes, that's exactly what it feels like! That feeling is beginning to change, at least. And that's the first thing that needs changing.

McG - I make the world's BEST oatmeal!!!!! *bg*

Amy - Thanks for the tips.

Bob and Glenda - *Hugs!*

McGarvey - I'm in Canada. There's gotta be training programs here. Welfare/Workfare sucks, as I know from experience... I'll try other agencies first.

kat - I want to answer everyone. If only with hugs. *g*
Eat food - much better now that I've had allergy treatments. I'm assimilating nutrients much better, and am much stronger already. It's still a slow process, but better.
Drink water - I do ok with that, at least 5 glasses a day. Could be better. I was drinking tap water for a while and got cold sores though... back to distilled it is.
Breathe air - hmmm. Working on this one...

Ianfe - it's Hesperis, not HespAris, silly. :P
Yep, you can definitely help. I need bass lines... and the final Tuatha mix... and as many hugs as possible. *g*
*Biggest hug ever, back at ya!*

Mooman - I'm in Canadadadadadadadadada... but thanks anyway! *Hug*

Hawkster - lol

Kim C - I am never impatient. Me? Nahhhhh...

Sharon - thanks! Will *definitely* look into training.

Mrrzy - *Hug*

Spaw - No, I hadn't been reading it. Will check it out. Thankies.

Jande - *The Roland!!!!!!* *drools* *wipes drool off chin*
Actually, a friend near Orillia may be lending me his Yamaha midi-compatible keyboard for a while. I found the *perfect* sound for Night Garden on it yesterday... He can't lend it to me right now, but that's ok... it's got *the* sound I'm looking for, and I can play it with both hands at once for the other songs. So the CD might not be done in May, but it will be this year. We'll see how it goes.
Patch cords - I may be ok. *Crosses fingers*
Bike stuff - I'll see if I still have that old bike somewhere. It'll really need fixing up if I do have it.

About howling: I've discovered that people really, really like to help other people. If you howl, it gives people a chance to gather in community to care for you, and be helpful. Even if they can't help in a practical way, at least they can send well-wishes and hugs. So keeping quiet isn't doing ANYONE a favour.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 01:35 AM

Hesperis - Right! That's exactly what I tell myself every time I feel impelled to go on and on about Cuba, William Shatner, Bob Dylan, and other fascinating subjects...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 04:54 AM

Aw hesperis, I missed this thread til now.
Hope things are starting to go more smoothly. Remember, once you start tackling one problem, the rest get smaller just because you've made the first step.
Good luck and take care.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:09 AM

Consider yourself hugged!!

Remember that you are only twenty-three years old. You're not old enough to be a total failure yet. Don't panic unless you find youself still standing in the same spot twenty-three years from now. I seriously doubt that such a thing will happen.

Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 09:27 AM

Aw, geez, thanks for that happy thought, Stephen! *G*

Sharon (about to turn 46)


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 09:41 AM

P.S. – Okay, I'm not really standing in the same spot I was 23 years ago, but I haven't moved as far away from it as I used to dream that I would. I'm just experiencing mild panic! *BG*


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 11:11 AM

Care package en route, Hesp!! Keep that song coming!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amergin
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 11:26 AM

keep it up,Hes! Personally I think that the reason folks are giving you so much support...is that you brighten all of our lives....


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 11:55 AM

About howling: I've discovered that people really, really like to help other people. If you howl, it gives people a chance to gather in community to care for you, and be helpful. Even if they can't help in a practical way, at least they can send well-wishes and hugs. So keeping quiet isn't doing ANYONE a favour.

You're right, howling is a good thing, especially when you really need help. Your problems are none of your doing, you haven't been able to avoid them and I really wish you the best in getting out of this pit... but now I'm going to piss on your chips.

Beware of howling too much. Sooner or later, if you do nothing but howl, people will get monumentally pissed off and leave you to sink or swim on your own. New friends will talk to the old friends and they will not even give you the benefit of one doubt. The more you whine, the more people will think it's all your fault. Sorry, but that's a fact of life. Even the truest friend will get pissed off by the same thing happening over and over again. Several threads on here have proved that....

Having pissed on your chips.....

The important thing is to learn by your actions and admit to your failings. If something is obviously not working, stop flogging the dead horse (unless he likes it!) and go do something else instead. It sounds to me like you are trying to do too much at once. Step back and see what you could lose. Leave the websites for later. How many people are bugging you for a CD? Enough to make it viable? I know nothing about CD's but if they want it enough, they will wait for it. Your health comes first above all things. Get better, get fixed and then see what you can do about the CD. Once the CD is out, then there's something to put on the website.

As for jobs - they are out there.... you may have to bite the bullet and just go for something that is a paying job, regardless of whether you are over qualified, over experienced or whatever. Once you have a job, it will be easier to get into the job market, because you have a whole new group of people and information open to you. Is there any chance the voluntary jobs could become paying? Have you enquired about casual jobs with your local government (council run libraries, leisure centres) or whatever the US equivalent to the Civil Service (taxation, benefit) is??

Three months isn't really a long time to be in one town.... I was unemployed for 4 months before I had a decent interview, and another 2 on top of that to be called up. The second time it was 6 months and another 2.

I know other people's experiences are not yours, but take heart, there are some who've been looking for 3 years and still not found anything suitable. I really do wish you well and better, please don't think that because I'm a cynical old moo I want you to fail and be unhappy.... been there, done that, got the scars to prove it and I wouldn't wish it on anyone (well, maybe one or two...), be strong, have faith in something, even if it's only chocolate. Remember, the Ancient Mayans worshipped chocolate as a god... who knows, maybe they were right?!

Hugs and soft thoughts,

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Guessed
Date: 17 Apr 02 - 10:10 AM

Mock Porridge (or porrige if you are Scotts)
as you stir it - rant, curse, blame and generally abuse the porridge. Get it over with early.
AND porridge is full of roughage which at least is useful for ensuring you are not full of - er - well not to be too coy about it - crap!
and........ you got friends here.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Apr 02 - 11:25 PM

Rant WAH Rant


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: DancingMom
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 11:31 PM

Oh, jeez, I remember those days! It DOES get better. Here's another one ((((((((HUG)))))))))). Keep us posted.

You guys are so great.

Sharon M.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 02:17 AM

Hawk - :P

Fibula - Thanks. *Hug*

Stephen - *Hug!* I'd better not be in the same place as this when I'm 46! ::insert appropriately horrified look here::

Sharon - Where did you want to be?

Amos - Thanks muchly! Today I figured out how to prop the mic up so I can record the flute. Life is good. Now I just need to practice flute more, I didn't know I was that bad! *g*

Amergin - Awwww! Thanks. I sure hope so.

Liz - Yepper! Howling and then ACTION! I admit I have been procrastinating... you'll see why, below...

Website - I have things to sell on my website, however most of the things I sell aren't mine, I have one CD of kinda out-there piano, and what most of the people I know or talk to want is MY SINGING!

And I've been having serious technical difficulties, (Solved! Wheee!), and I still can't figure out a way to offer online sales without having a credit card. (Note: Suggestion taken about ebay's online store thing. I think it was kat who suggested that. I'm definitely checking it out.)

CD - one more month's work, at least 40 people times $10 profit = $400 or one month's expenses if I'm careful. And I have all the resources except stereo patch cords, and a midi keyboard large enough to use both hands at once. And it would be done!!!!!!

Jobs - I've been looking for "anything" and I can't get "anything". I just had a good long talk with a local friend about why that is...

Ok, confession time. Up until about 8 pm today, I didn't really want a job. I wanted one because I had to, not because I wanted to... and that's no use for me, because I was pretty much asking the universe to NOT give me a job. (Also, I really love what I'm doing right now, and wish I could get paid for it, but it's completely volunteer and there's no money in it at all.) Way to mess up the visualizations and the materializations thereof, eh?

Anyway, the friend and I had a good long talk, and he told me that since trying to get "anything" isn't working, maybe I should be more specific. Do some visualizations about what I do in fact WANT - which is a job I love, using skills I love, with great people, that I also happen to get *paid* for. And of course, to always leave my options open for something good to come in an unexpected form.

So, he's given me a whole list of local resources, told me what my skills look like to someone outside of myself... and really helped me to clarify what my goals are here. If there's nothing to aim for, there's no chance of hitting the target. Once there IS a target, I can definitely hit it, or at least form a plan to get in range. *Wink*

Chocolate - DEFINITELY! Let's all worship the Chocolate Goddess, in the dust of whose feet whirl chocolate sprinkles and cocoa powder...

Have you seen that ritualitic parody of "The Charge of the Goddess"? If you haven't, I'll have to post it. It's great even for non-Wiccans, as long as you love Chocolate - and I DO!!! It helps if you've read the stuff it's parodying, though, then it's really hilarious!

Guessed - Hmmm. There's a difference between oatmeal and porridge. The first is edible. The second thinks that spoons, furniture, pets, curtains, and humans are edible. I make oatmeal, and I make it good.

Guest - *Hug* (You look like you need one, too.)

DancingMom - *Hug!*


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 02:58 AM

Glad to hear you more positive and determined... now keep going!!!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Jande
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 10:58 AM

Darling Hes! {{{{hugs}}}}}

I'm grateful to all your friends and to you. Do you realise what an incredible[b][i]inspiration [/i][/b] you are to people? You are one for me and that's a fact!

I love the way talking through seeming insurmountable problems with truly supportive friends and then acting on the outcomes really can change our lives for the better.

Did your friend with the yamaha keyboard come through? If not, the offer of the Roland is still there for you. It really hasn't been used here for a number of months now.

Keep on keeping on!

{{{{more hugs}}}}}


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 11:24 AM

Way to go, Hes!! That's the stuff!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 12:12 PM

I love the way talking through seeming insurmountable problems with truly supportive friends and then acting on the outcomes really can change our lives for the better.

Ah, there's the rub... how many actually act on the advice given.....?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Apr 02 - 12:39 AM

I suspected that you actually didn't want to find a job...in the sense of the typical everyday "anything" job. That's exactly how I always felt. When you feel that way, it's very unlikely that you will get a job! (since every nerve in your system is trying like hell to avoid doing so...) And if by some freak chance you do get one, it probably won't last too long.

Back in my mostly jobless days, I dreading finding any job that I figured was available to someone like me...not being specifically qualified for anything in particular, except writing songs and singing them (so it seemed, anyway), and not being consistently ambitious enough to handle an entertainment career successfully either. I mostly just wanted the world to leave me alone in my quiet solitude...but the world wants MONEY!

There appeared to be precious few realistic possibilities for me out there, and not one single one I could think of that didn't seem like being in a prison cell.

What a horrible situation. Sometimes I would get so desperate that I would just take any job. I would apply for a job that I figured even someone totally out of the loop could get, like drive a taxi, or pump gas...and I would do it for 6 months maybe till I simply couldn't stand it anymore. This, when I was a person recognized by everyone who knew me to be highly intelligent, well educated, articulate, and talented. As far as they were concerned, I had everything going for me...but I didn't see it that way at all.

There were a host of reasons why I was in that helpless state of mind, and I am not going to recount them all here. It mostly had to do with my family and my growing up experiences...to be brief, I was scrupulously protected from all outward dangers, and kept utterly powerless at the very same time by the two people who raised me. I'm not even sure what happened to the original me that was there at birth. God only knows where he is now. (somewhere inside, but buried how far down?)

I would not wish this experience on anyone. Still, every spirit that comes here knowingly picks certain challenges...I believe that...and ultimately, what you are most afraid of comes looking for you every day of your life, and it chases you around endlessly until you either stop running away from it...or you die.

I sure found that out enough times, and it ain't over yet either...I still run away sometimes, though I ought to know better by now.

Fear is the one great enemy of life. This world is full of people who would rather die little by little, piece by piece, through avoidance, denial, delay, and retreat, than face their most familiar fears head on and do what must be done, and I've been one of those people on more than a few occasions. It sure is a waste of good potential!

One saving grace though...when a REAL emergency arises, people often find strength and courage they never knew they had...and that indicates that there is a deeper wisdom alive in them that is not willing to just lie down and die. (The mind is a coward, but the soul is filled with boundless heroism.)

I've had that experience too a few times, and it's nature's most effective wake-up call. I look forward, in a sense, to the next time it happens...although I'm not exactly out looking for it, given the fact that I enjoy comfort as much as the next person.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 02 - 02:03 AM

Wow! LH! Rich stuff, well turned!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 25 Apr 02 - 12:52 AM

Yeah, Hawk, I know. I do have a few specific qualifications though, especially with computers, so will see what's in town for that field.

Update:

Care packages have arrived, and I will be fine for food for at least a month. I still need to buy a few basic things like bread and soymilk and veggies, but that MAJORLY cuts down on my weekly spending... meaning I now have *BUS MONEY* and patch cord money. {{{{{{{{{{THANK YOU!!!!!!!}}}}}}}}}}

Appointment with local job support program on friday, but may need to cancel as it doesn't look like it will give me time to get to my dental appointment later in the day. I will just head on over tomorrow instead of friday and check them out, see exactly how much time it takes to get there, etc.

I had a good talk with my best friend, too, and he told me basically that he thinks I'm so used to not being healthy that I don't know how strong I am now... So I am taking that into account.

Also... I have another very good reason, as of today, to want a job. I am going to keep you all in suspense about that, though. Muahahaha!!! *g*


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Apr 02 - 01:07 AM

Great news, hesperis! Can't wait to find out the big secret!


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 02 - 01:18 AM

Up and at 'em Tigger!! Keep that fire burning!

Love,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 06 May 02 - 10:00 PM

Another update, not good news this time.

A big chip fell out of my tooth, but I have a dentist appointment friday, and my friend is helping out with that, and the dentist is charging cost only. Just gotta keep dosing myself with medication and I'll make it...

Also, pollen season started, I am sick as a dog, and have extremely low energy. The owner of this house comes back next week and I am not strong enough to do much else but type right now.

She insists on having the skylight open a crack... I'm not going to be able to stay here if outside air comes in the house. I've already taken the full dosage of allergy pills and still can't breathe properly. And I can't figure out how to close the skylight, will have to try tomorrow when it's light. Am writing now to friends to find a place to stay... some people just don't get it that "good fresh air" isn't the cure for all ills... especially if you're allergic to it.

I have another appointment with the job-search agency tomorrow, but if I'm not staying in Burlington, there's not much point.

I'm going to have to call welfare. Not much else I can do at this point. I thought I was better, and I am, but it's obviously not better enough...


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 02 - 10:47 PM

Aw, damn it all, Hes; sorry to hear about the rollercoaster.

Dunno much about allergies, but I hope you're drinking plenty of water, keeping that immune systems stocked up on vitamins, and all the basic stuff -- sleeping enough and all.

What do you think you're allergic to? Anything in particular?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 06 May 02 - 11:24 PM

Thanks, Amos.

Yep, drinking plenty of water - I'm going to have to be careful to make it bottled water rather than tap water over the next couple of months. The vitamins are coming in very useful, and I am DEFINITELY sleeping!!! (Way too much, and still tired. :( )

As for what the allergies are - trees mostly, right now. I'm definitely getting better on the allergy front, which is why this was such a surprise. Was hoping to NOT have to go through that this year. Was feeling SO much better... and now, back at what feels like square one. GRRRRRR!

I'm not allergic to grass anymore though, so that helps. I can look forward to a respite as soon as tree pollen season is over, unlike in previous years... not looking forward to ragweed in August, but having that "break" to look forward to in June and July really helps my mood!

I'm just kinda pissed off right now, because I wasn't expecting it... and I had a fight with someone earlier in the week because it was the first really bad day, and I wasn't expecting it, so I didn't recognize that the irritation was allergy-related more than situation-related... Sigh.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 02 - 11:40 PM

I hear ya Hesp -- I've done some really dumb things myself under conditions of un-spotted physical aggravation, which I wasn't noticing; it's a bear, no mistake, not mention a damned embarassment.

Chin up, breath as much as you can, and keep using that phone!!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amergin
Date: 06 May 02 - 11:58 PM

Hey there, Hes, still thinking about you...Sorry to hear things have keep going up and down for ya...but they will even out eventually...if not just keep going up...it is just holding out patiently that is the problem...but I know you will survive. You got a great deal of friends for you not to.

((((((((((((((((hes))))))))))))))))))))


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 May 02 - 12:12 AM

I think what you have going on here is a "group huggle"!
***HUG***
I have always been a believer that you get what you need. Believe it and it will be so.
Rustic


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 May 02 - 06:58 AM

Remember Hesp, no problem can be solved if you don't first, face it, second, admit it and third, want to resolve it. The path forward quite often involves some stepping backward. When you meet an obstacle, don't sit down and start swearing at it, but back up until you get to a place where the obstacle isn't a problem, and see if there is another path around it. One day, you'll look back and the obstacle is actually a big rock in your path that you can rest your back against. You got past it once, you've got the strength and courage to do it again. Now all I need is the conviction to follow my own advice - physician, heal thyself!!

Take care with the allergies - smog season is starting here in the good ol' UK, so I can sympathise. Hope you are feeling better soon.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: 53
Date: 07 May 02 - 03:02 PM

I thought that I had it bad. Man your luck will change soon and I know that you don't want to hear keep your chin up but I really don't know what else to say. Maybe your time of good fortune will soon be here. Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: E.T.
Date: 07 May 02 - 10:26 PM

Just a quote to go with a hug - "The certainty of misery we can deal with, it's the misery of uncertainty that eats us alive".

I got my first job from my eye-doctor because I told her I was looking for work. My advice is - tell many people you are looking for work.

And, just for instance, my Mom would cheerfully pay someone to patiently tutor her in basic computer skills. She's in her 70's and didn't grow up with them, so it just doesn't come as easy. Betcha there's a lot of other people who would be interested....maybe some of them even interested in music too. ET


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 08 May 02 - 12:00 AM

Gawd...there are A LOT of sick M-Fker's seeking healing sustanence...at a pathetically dry well.

Just read the "support" from above.

Joe's ADVICE - "Just Ignore the "pathetics" long enough and they will go away????"

Sincerely

Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 08 May 02 - 09:57 PM

Facing it is the hardest part. For most of my life, I considered this "normal" and wondered why things seemed so easy for other people. Now I know why. But it is still going to be a lot of work to heal.

Not expecting the spring pollen to be this bad was the worst, so the setback had double effect - the usual effects plus surprise. Now the skylight is closed, at least until the owner gets back, and I have enough energy to clean the house, thank goodness. Don't know if I will be able to continue living here when she gets back though, so am exploring options for that, too.

ET - where does your mother live??? I'd be great for that!


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amergin
Date: 08 May 02 - 10:08 PM

That is why I usually ignore you usually, Gargoyle....


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 02 - 04:31 PM

Hey, Garg:

Whyncha take a running, flying, fock at the moon? Ya might learn something. I gotta tell you...I think you need a checkup. It sounds like you have serious heart problems.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 May 02 - 04:50 PM

How can Garg have heart problems? S/he doesn't appear to have one....

How goes it Hesp? Anything doing??

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 May 02 - 04:50 PM

I know that you guys know better than to engage him. C'mon.... be as smart as I know you are....

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 09 May 02 - 09:01 PM

Alive, have skills, will travel... looking into education and education loan options.

Next news will be on the 13th or 14th, after speaking with my landlady.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 10 May 02 - 04:11 PM

Hesperis: Do keep me posted and let me know what's doing. It sounds like there is a bit of uncertainty and I do hope that clears up for the best. Echinacia (sp) may help with the allergies. Chin up, Dear girl and providence will see you through. Hugs, Neil


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 10 May 02 - 06:11 PM

Well, news a bit sooner than I thought. Got the tooth that had a chunk come out of it fixed up (with a temporary), and discovered in the dentist's office that I am no longer allergic to mint. YAY!!!

I had been treated for it along with other spices and herbs, but was still showing symptoms, even though I was tested as not allergic to it anymore. Guess it was just habit because the body was so used to being allergic to it... Anyway, what happened was that as soon as I smelled it I automatically stopped breathing, but then I forced myself to breathe anyway... and there was no reaction. None. Nada!!! A few solid breaths later, and I was just enjoying the smell and the gentle tingle of it... for the first time in my life.

So it *IS* getting better, guys!


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Amergin
Date: 10 May 02 - 06:28 PM

glad to hear it, Hes! and you know things will continue to get better for you!

(((((((((((((((((((((hes))))))))))))))))


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 May 02 - 07:27 PM

Yay!

Now add the B5! *G*

~A Mom


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: CarolC
Date: 10 May 02 - 08:01 PM

That's great, hesperis! Even the little victories can be very sweet indeed.


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: GUEST,Just Amy
Date: 10 May 02 - 08:54 PM

I am so glad to see this thread continuing. Best of luck and know that everyone in the world is your friend if you only let them (oh, except maybe Gargoyle who seems to have some kind of sexual problem).


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 May 02 - 03:28 AM

Hey, some good stuff does happen to you!!! See? We knew it would... now get out there and go find another good thing!

Don't be tempted to leave the temporary fix for the teeth though, sometimes it can end up being worse than before if you don't get it done as soon as.... I lost a whole tooth because I tried to get away with a temporary fix for too long. And to add insult to injury I swallowed the temporary fix crown!!!

Take care and keep going!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: CapriUni
Date: 11 May 02 - 08:05 PM

Found this thread again after checking your "Is it all about money" thread... latched onto that thread because I happen to be practicing my song writing with a song almost exactly about that...

So happy to hear about the mint! It does have a nice tingle to it, doesn't it (and thyme, which is in the mint family, is said to be a favorite of the faeries. I imagine that They like all mints, though.)

Happy, happy, joy, joy!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 11 May 02 - 08:15 PM

Glad to hear it Hes. Full speed ahead. Neil


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 12 May 02 - 12:55 AM

I've got a temporary half of a tooth, right in FRONT. Cracked it right down the middle when I was 13, and they told me to come back for a more perm. fix when I was 18, and had finished growing. Chickened out back then (Damned belonephobia!), and I'm almost 28, so I think I'm screwed, heh. So, yeah, like LtS said, make sure it's only temporary. ;)

---Lepus Rex


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Subject: RE: BS: Waaaah! I need to rant!
From: hesperis
Date: 14 May 02 - 02:59 PM

Amergin - {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hug!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I needed that.

WYSIWYG - B5? Sorry, didn't catch the reference...

Carol - Yepper!

Amy - thanks. Garg's a friend too, he's just odd sometimes.

Liz - appointment for later in the month to get more permanent fillings. :)

CapriUni - I love thyme!!! Must be that Fae blood, hmmm? (Let us hear that song, k?)

Neil - *Hug*

Lepus - Hmmm. Looks like I'm not the only one who needs to take care of myself... you take care too, ok? And if you're anywhere near TO, I can recommend a GREAT dentist.

Anyway, just posted a part 2, this thread is getting long.


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This Thread Is Closed.


Mudcat time: 20 October 3:51 PM EDT

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