BS: A Strange Survey -- Patr 2

Subject: A Strange Survey -- Patr 2
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 20 Apr 02 - 03:51 AM

As mentioned in part one, if you are offende by jokes about religion stop reading now. We left off at the end of question #3. *********************************************************

Diety Satisfaction Survey -- Part 2

4)What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a diety? Check all that apply.

__Indoctrinated by parents __Indoctrinated by society __Needed a reason to live __Needed focus on whom to love __Needed focus on whom to despise __Needed certainty __Needed to feel morally superior __Imaginary friend grew up __Fear of death __Fear of life __It killed an hour or so on a boring Tuesday afternoon __Like organ music __Thought Jerry Falwell was cool __Thought there had to be something better than Jerry Falwell __@#&% was falling out of the sky __My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it.

5) Have you worshiped a diety before? If so, by which false god were you fooled? __Baal __The Almighty Dollar __The Political Left __The Political Right __Amon Ra __Beelzebub __Bill Gates __Barney The Big Purple Dinosaur __The Great Spirit __The Great Pumpkin __The Sun __The Moon __The Force __Cindy Crawford __Elvis __a burning shrub __Psychiatry __Other:_________

6) Are you currently using any other source of inspiration other than God? Check all that apply. __Tarot __Lottery __Astrology __Television __Fortune Cookies __Ann Landers __Psychic friends Network __Dianetics Palmistry __Playboy and/or Playgirl __Self-help books __Boirhythms __Alchohol __Maijuana __George Bush __Tea Leaves __EST __Amway __Mantras __Crystals __Human Sacrifice __Pyramids __Wandering about the desert __Barney T.B.P.D. __Barney Fife __Burning Shrubbery __Other:__________

7) God reputedly attempt to maintain a limited degree of Divine Interventions to preserve a balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer? Circle one below. a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention fine d. Don't know e. What's Divine Intervention?

8) God also reputedly maintains a balance of miracles and disasters. Please rate on a scale of 1-5 your opinion of the handling of the following. (1=unsatisfactory, 5=exellent)

a. Disasters 12345 flood 12345 famine 12345 earthquake 12345 war and holocaust 12345 pestilence 12345 plague 12345 Spam 12345 AOL

b. Miracles 12345 rescues 12345 spontaneous remission 12345 stars hovering over tiny towns and previously unknown hamlets 12345 crying statues 12345 water changing into wine 12345 coincidence of any sort 12345 getting any sex whatsoever

9) From time to time God reputedly makes available the names and addresses of His/Her/Its followers and devotees to selected divine personages who provide quality services and intercessions on His/Her/Its behalf. Are you interested in a compilation of listed offerings?

__Yes,please deluge me with religious zealots for the benefit of my own soul. __NO, I do not wish to be inundated by fanatics clamouring for my money!

10) Do you have any additional suggestions or comments for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary)