Help: How to leave a band?

Subject: How to leave a band?
From: GUEST,Stomach-in-knots
Date: 07 May 02 - 05:29 PM

So, I've been playing with a band now for a few years, and during that time other members have come and gone and come back and gone again... Also things have soured on both the personal and the professional levels...

The band is currently in prep to cut it's first CD... and has a busy summer of gigs ahead of it...

Another local band is losing a member in the fall, and I have been asked to be the replacement...

I'm willing to table suggestions and opinions on how best to deal with telling the current band that I very well might be leaving in the fall to join another band...

I know full well that this might mean a summer, lean of gigs... I really don't want that to happen...

I also don't wanna leave the current band high and dry concerning the CD... I am willing to help out however I can...

How to avoid bad blood?

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: Sorcha
Date: 07 May 02 - 05:34 PM

Sit down together and discuss it like adults?? No temper tantrums, etc?

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: GUEST,Stomach-in-knots
Date: 07 May 02 - 05:38 PM

The fronter of the band has been known for temper tantrums in the past...

It's a nice ideal, but more detail would be appreciate...

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: treewind
Date: 07 May 02 - 05:39 PM

Not as hard as sacking a band member you don't want!

Just do it. It's your life.

The best thing to mitigate the blow for the rest of the band, if they are worried about all the gigs lined up and having to do them without you, is to agree a notice period, like when you resign from a job. That way you get to play the Summer gigs, while they recruit for a new member.

The sooner you do it the better, and the longer notice you can give. Maybe you can simply agree to to all the gigs currently booked (and the CD...). They can't complain about that, but you might need a sooner cutoff date than that. Either way, it's their risk then, to take bookings for after the date you've agreed to leave.

Anahata

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: GUEST,Mike Billo
Date: 07 May 02 - 05:45 PM

I've been through this a couple of times. First, ask yourself what you REALLY owe them (financially, personally, etc.) then ask what you owe yourself.

You began your post by saying that things have soured personally, so you might just want to leave outright.

In 1992 I left a band right as we were about to start our first tour in support of our new CD. I thought I was leaving them high and dry (but the problems had become more than I could bear), but got a lesson in humility when they hired a guy every bit as good (if not better) than me wihin a week. HA!!

It's just like Charles DeGaulle said, "The graveyards are full of indispensable people"

What I'm reading in your post is that you're going to go anyway and want somebody to tell you it's OK.

Alright. I'll be the one. Leave them. It's OK. Best of luck.

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: UB Ed
Date: 07 May 02 - 05:55 PM

Understand its perfectly ok for you to leave to follow other interests. That way you're calm and rational.

Then:

Tell them you'll be leaving for this other gig in the fall but are willing to help them in any way until the fall with the cd and gigs.

Kinda like giving 3 months notice at your job.

Downside is they may replace you on the spot; if so, have your ego prepared for it. Really no skin off your nose.

That being said, if this is your career, you may want to have that second bird in the hand before you fly away.

Good luck.

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 07 May 02 - 06:01 PM

While sometimes band membership *feels* like marriage, it's not ;D

You mention that others have come and gone...sounds like they have dealt in past with folks leaving well enough to welcome them back into the fold. I'd say you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

If it were me, I'd make my regrets, tell them I needed to follow another path musically, and hope we could still be friends.

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: GUEST,Stomach-in-knots
Date: 07 May 02 - 06:43 PM

Thanks for all the input so far M'Catters

I'll let you know how it pans out

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: Rollo
Date: 07 May 02 - 07:15 PM

I have been trough this from the other side. Our SUPERB singer, a woman with CARISMA, you know, you look at her and feel something tingle and then she starts to sing and you feel testosterone rushing towards the brain... sigh... what a loss... yet she told us "guys, it was a nice time, but its time I have a change, I will leave you towards the end of the year." It was okay. We came over it, no bad blood. One has to accept this. And we still make music, even without having replacement. We just changed style a little. And if we hadn't overcome it we wouldn't have been worth it - for a band is not just background to one member, but everyone gives his part to create the whole thing.

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: InOBU
Date: 07 May 02 - 07:23 PM

Wait untill a big and successful concert, where the band's leader has lost hundreds of dollars and you made well over a hundred bucks, then bring your boyfriend into the band, so the band leader expends money on new color promotional materials, then it now being three or four days latter, quit with your boy friend, and ask for the contact info for all the upcoming gigs... gee that's how at least one band member left my band...
But serriously, do it openly and with some time to cover the time to replace you. Cheers Larry

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 07 May 02 - 08:26 PM

Done it four times. It's bloody horrible!

But OHHHH the relief five minutes later!

Good luck.

Rick

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: 53
Date: 07 May 02 - 08:29 PM

I've had people quit my band before and they always gave me plenty of time to find a replacement. Give plenty of notice to keep up your good name. Bob

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: GUEST,Stomach-in-knots
Date: 07 May 02 - 10:27 PM

Thanks folk... it went much better than I'd expected... And apparently, no bad blood...

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: GUEST,Benjamin at College
Date: 08 May 02 - 11:51 AM

Most recently, I got myself kicked out! I'm still not sure if they can understand why a classical guitarist wasn't taking bluegrass mandolin more seriously.

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: Whistle Stop
Date: 08 May 02 - 02:48 PM

I'm glad it went well. I have been where you are now, and I know it can be unsettling. However, as much as being in a band, and leaving a band, can be emotional experiences, I think it's helpful to remember that a professional band is first and foremost a professional arrangement. There is a contract -- express or implied -- among a group of people, and certain mutual obligations for as long as the arrangement exists. It is generally understood that people can back out of the arrangement, and that there's nothing wrong with doing so; people leave their jobs every day, without feeling that it's necessary to apologize for it.

One clause in the "contract" states that the individuals are bound by their collective commitments. In other words, if you agreed to certain bookings, you should at least offer to honor your commitments, and play the gigs that are currently booked (assuming you're like most bands, and are only booked a few months into the future). This may be negotiated, based on your preferences and the preferences of the other members of the band; if you want to leave before the current bookings will run out, and/or if they want to replace you before the current bookings run out, you have something to discuss. But as an initial suggestion, I would counsel against bailing on gigs you've already agreed to do, unless the other band members are comfortable with that; it's unfair to the other members, it's unprofessional, and it just might come back to haunt you.

The CD is a little trickier, but the other members may just have to accept that their timetable gets pushed back a little. If you're comfortable having any vocal or instrumental contributions you have already made included on the CD, that's fine (just make sure you get ccredit, and whatever compensation might be coming your way). If you have contributed songwriting, it's a little more questionable, but it's really a question of what you're comfortable with.

Good luck on your future musical endeavors. One aspect of this that IS like a marriage/divorce is that you may have second thoughts afterwards; the first Saturday night that comes along when they're all playing and you're not, you may be kind of melancholy. Remember that this is natural, and does not mean you made the wrong decision. Keep focused on what you really want, and keep busy. All the best -- WS

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: Devilmaster
Date: 09 May 02 - 02:34 AM

Yes, good luck to you stomach.

I have a friend who's situation was similar. Its good to see the frontman was able to see past the BS.

Steve

Subject: RE: Help: How to leave a band?
From: GUEST,Smiley Face Smiling
Date: 09 May 02 - 02:36 AM

:-)