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BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements

Haruo 16 May 02 - 01:55 AM
Haruo 16 May 02 - 02:18 AM
Banjer 16 May 02 - 02:32 AM
GUEST,ozmacca 16 May 02 - 02:40 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 16 May 02 - 02:48 AM
Haruo 16 May 02 - 02:50 AM
Haruo 16 May 02 - 02:57 AM
GUEST,ozmacca 16 May 02 - 02:57 AM
Genie 16 May 02 - 03:20 AM
Genie 16 May 02 - 03:49 AM
Dave the Gnome 16 May 02 - 03:59 AM
Genie 16 May 02 - 04:02 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 16 May 02 - 04:36 AM
DMcG 16 May 02 - 04:41 AM
fogie 16 May 02 - 04:51 AM
katlaughing 16 May 02 - 04:56 AM
Mark Cohen 16 May 02 - 05:07 AM
Bat Goddess 16 May 02 - 08:05 AM
GUEST,T-boy 16 May 02 - 08:16 AM
The Walrus at work 16 May 02 - 08:19 AM
guinnesschik 16 May 02 - 09:16 AM
Micca 16 May 02 - 09:19 AM
DMcG 16 May 02 - 09:24 AM
Kim C 16 May 02 - 09:47 AM
Peg 16 May 02 - 10:10 AM
Mr Red 16 May 02 - 10:28 AM
Nigel Parsons 16 May 02 - 10:32 AM
Mr Red 16 May 02 - 10:35 AM
Mr Happy 16 May 02 - 10:40 AM
Davey 16 May 02 - 10:49 AM
Micca 16 May 02 - 10:56 AM
lamarca 16 May 02 - 11:08 AM
Haruo 16 May 02 - 11:24 AM
lamarca 16 May 02 - 11:30 AM
Mr Red 16 May 02 - 11:34 AM
Devilmaster 16 May 02 - 11:43 AM
Blues=Life 16 May 02 - 12:00 PM
GUEST,Pete 16 May 02 - 01:10 PM
Don Firth 16 May 02 - 01:14 PM
Kim C 16 May 02 - 01:33 PM
Bill D 16 May 02 - 01:37 PM
The Walrus at work 16 May 02 - 01:38 PM
Pseudolus 16 May 02 - 01:49 PM
Art Thieme 16 May 02 - 02:12 PM
Bat Goddess 16 May 02 - 02:27 PM
Lonesome EJ 16 May 02 - 03:12 PM
GUEST,Just Amy 16 May 02 - 03:30 PM
Little Hawk 16 May 02 - 03:51 PM
CapriUni 16 May 02 - 03:57 PM
Don Firth 16 May 02 - 04:45 PM
lamarca 16 May 02 - 05:31 PM
Jeri 16 May 02 - 06:47 PM
GUEST,ozmacca 16 May 02 - 07:09 PM
Gareth 16 May 02 - 07:10 PM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 16 May 02 - 08:29 PM
Pseudolus 16 May 02 - 09:15 PM
michaelr 16 May 02 - 09:29 PM
Mark Cohen 16 May 02 - 09:33 PM
Celtic Soul 16 May 02 - 09:47 PM
Big John 16 May 02 - 09:49 PM
Haruo 16 May 02 - 10:48 PM
Celtic Soul 16 May 02 - 10:51 PM
ddw 16 May 02 - 10:55 PM
Little Hawk 16 May 02 - 11:21 PM
GUEST,ozmacca 16 May 02 - 11:28 PM
Celtic Soul 16 May 02 - 11:39 PM
GUEST,ozmacca 17 May 02 - 01:10 AM
Nigel Parsons 17 May 02 - 06:32 AM
Paul Mitchell 17 May 02 - 07:45 AM
Wolfgang 17 May 02 - 08:05 AM
The Walrus at work 17 May 02 - 09:01 AM
Little Hawk 17 May 02 - 11:19 AM
lamarca 17 May 02 - 11:40 AM
DMcG 17 May 02 - 11:48 AM
Deda 17 May 02 - 11:53 AM
Haruo 17 May 02 - 12:47 PM
Don Firth 17 May 02 - 01:55 PM
Steve-o 17 May 02 - 02:18 PM
Jim Dixon 17 May 02 - 02:24 PM
MMario 17 May 02 - 02:33 PM
Kim C 17 May 02 - 03:08 PM
lamarca 17 May 02 - 04:33 PM
Lonesome EJ 17 May 02 - 04:49 PM
Celtic Soul 17 May 02 - 05:29 PM
catspaw49 17 May 02 - 05:35 PM
Peg 17 May 02 - 05:40 PM
gnu 17 May 02 - 05:59 PM
catspaw49 17 May 02 - 06:03 PM
Jim Dixon 17 May 02 - 06:11 PM
Haruo 17 May 02 - 06:39 PM
Gray D 17 May 02 - 09:07 PM
Bill D 17 May 02 - 09:33 PM
Genie 17 May 02 - 10:44 PM
DonD 17 May 02 - 11:07 PM
GUEST,frank 17 May 02 - 11:47 PM
GUEST,Tweed 18 May 02 - 12:59 AM
Haruo 18 May 02 - 01:18 AM
JohnInKansas 18 May 02 - 02:59 AM
Bert 18 May 02 - 04:29 AM
Mark Cohen 18 May 02 - 10:13 PM
catspaw49 18 May 02 - 11:02 PM
Blues=Life 19 May 02 - 12:07 AM
Haruo 19 May 02 - 12:32 AM
Genie 19 May 02 - 04:09 AM
The Walrus 19 May 02 - 04:46 AM
Penny S. 19 May 02 - 05:20 AM
Micca 19 May 02 - 06:11 AM
Penny S. 19 May 02 - 07:29 AM
Blues=Life 19 May 02 - 08:05 AM
Genie 19 May 02 - 02:09 PM
Haruo 19 May 02 - 02:30 PM
fat B****rd 19 May 02 - 03:04 PM
Melani 20 May 02 - 02:43 PM
Mark Cohen 21 May 02 - 05:25 AM
Genie 21 May 02 - 02:14 PM
Burke 21 May 02 - 05:53 PM
Genie 18 Jun 02 - 12:07 AM
SharonA 18 Jun 02 - 01:14 PM
GUEST,Nerd 18 Jun 02 - 03:37 PM
Coyote Breath 18 Jun 02 - 05:58 PM
Coyote Breath 18 Jun 02 - 06:00 PM
Genie 18 Jun 02 - 11:39 PM
Genie 05 Jul 02 - 05:22 PM
GUEST 05 Jul 02 - 08:47 PM
GUEST,Sonja 05 Jul 02 - 09:34 PM
Bill D 05 Jul 02 - 10:49 PM
GUEST,Sonja 06 Jul 02 - 01:27 AM
Bill D 06 Jul 02 - 10:17 PM
Genie 08 Jul 02 - 02:55 AM
GUEST 08 Nov 02 - 12:53 AM
weerover 08 Nov 02 - 01:39 AM
mooman 08 Nov 02 - 11:00 AM
fenman 08 Nov 02 - 12:15 PM
EBarnacle1 08 Nov 02 - 12:15 PM
Schantieman 08 Nov 02 - 01:01 PM
Troll 08 Nov 02 - 01:43 PM
KateG 08 Nov 02 - 01:58 PM
GUEST,Bill 08 Nov 02 - 04:07 PM
Mr Red 08 Nov 02 - 06:51 PM
RangerSteve 08 Nov 02 - 07:10 PM
GUEST,Chicken Charlie 08 Nov 02 - 07:59 PM
SINSULL 08 Nov 02 - 11:21 PM
Genie 09 Nov 02 - 02:45 AM
Sibelius 09 Nov 02 - 06:05 AM
Mr Happy 06 Aug 03 - 07:23 AM
Rapparee 06 Aug 03 - 08:18 AM
GUEST,cittern 07 Aug 03 - 02:12 PM
Ghirotondo 07 Aug 03 - 07:04 PM
GUEST,dept. of CYWAP 07 Aug 03 - 07:40 PM
Amos 07 Aug 03 - 08:18 PM
Sorcha 07 Aug 03 - 08:26 PM
Bill D 07 Aug 03 - 08:30 PM
Mr Happy 08 Aug 03 - 04:04 AM
Joe_F 08 Aug 03 - 07:01 PM
Gareth 08 Aug 03 - 07:14 PM
Mr Happy 15 Aug 03 - 04:07 AM
The O'Meara 15 Aug 03 - 12:22 PM
DMcG 15 Aug 03 - 01:35 PM
Phot 15 Aug 03 - 04:02 PM
GUEST 16 Aug 03 - 04:09 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 03 - 10:03 PM
Amos 17 Aug 03 - 10:46 PM
rangeroger 17 Aug 03 - 10:49 PM
Mr Happy 22 May 04 - 09:18 AM
Joe_F 22 May 04 - 11:26 AM
JohnInKansas 22 May 04 - 02:29 PM
Pogo 22 May 04 - 04:57 PM
Georgiansilver 23 May 04 - 03:34 AM
GUEST,Richard 23 May 04 - 05:57 PM
Georgiansilver 24 May 04 - 05:55 AM
JennyO 30 May 04 - 10:54 PM
GUEST,sethw 31 May 04 - 01:24 PM
LadyJean 01 Jun 04 - 12:56 AM
Mr Happy 12 Jul 04 - 11:42 AM
GUEST,Boab 07 Oct 04 - 03:04 AM
GUEST,Charmion at work 07 Oct 04 - 07:28 PM
GUEST,Boab 07 Oct 04 - 09:14 PM
Uncle_DaveO 07 Oct 04 - 09:42 PM
Bert 08 Oct 04 - 12:51 AM
Mr Red 08 Oct 04 - 07:20 AM
The Fooles Troupe 08 Oct 04 - 07:52 PM
Mr Red 09 Oct 04 - 12:28 PM
The Fooles Troupe 09 Oct 04 - 10:12 PM
Mr Happy 03 Sep 06 - 07:18 AM
JennyO 03 Sep 06 - 08:53 AM
Bill D 03 Sep 06 - 12:20 PM
Liz the Squeak 04 Sep 06 - 04:44 AM
Rusty Dobro 04 Sep 06 - 07:59 AM
Becca72 04 Sep 06 - 12:50 PM
Bunnahabhain 04 Sep 06 - 04:39 PM

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Subject: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 16 May 02 - 01:55 AM

This is sort of like the Funny Road Signs thread. However, what triggered this one was a sign (not a road sign) I saw today about three blocks from Seattle's Space Needle, which said (give or take a word or two)

NO TRESPASSING

ALL ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES
PROHIBITED
ON THIS PROPERTY


(I have seen a very similar sign before, in downtown Seattle.) Seems like a big waste of signage; after all, illegal activities are by definition prohibited, and not only on properties so signed. As my roommate said, "Maybe they think it will deter illegal activities on the part of people who believe illegal activities are prohibited only if they see it in writing."

It reminded me of another sign, which I may have mentioned here some months back, on the Key Bank branch at 45th & Brooklyn that warned "WARNING: YOU ARE BEING VIDEOTAPED FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION!" (Note: this was pre-9/11! I think that's just about on a par with the Microsoft message that says "WARNING: You are about to send a message over a secure Internet connection. What you send cannot be seen by anyone else.  Never show me this message again." I mean, come on; not that I believe them, but if it is true, then why do they waste their bytes and my time "warning" me about it? Sheesh, as Xena might say.

I'm wondering if anyone has made musical use of any of these kinds of notices after the fashion of Mark Cohen's Apple Maggot Quarantine Round (or after any other fashion, for that matter).

Liland


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:18 AM

Already found another one: this article from the Hindustan Times has a little ad at the upper left that reads "WARNING - Claim your free prize!".

Liland


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Banjer
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:32 AM

Some of the ones I have in my collection are:

RESTROOM with a small sign right next to it saying KEEP OUT by order of the Sherrif's Dept.
This combination was seen on a public restroom at a local flea market.

My other favorite was seen at the local bank drivethru:

For the convenience of our customers, counter documents may no longer be obtained through the drive thrus.

This basically tells me thah for MY convenience, if I need a counter document such as a withdrawal or deposit slip I must park my vehicle, go into the bank and demand such an item. This makes it more convenient??? Ah yes, it's a strange, strange world we live in, Master Jack.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:40 AM

Banjer, the bank announcement which sticks in my mind, not to mention my craw, was one a few months back when one of our major Australian banks announced its' intention to reduce staffing levels and close a number of country branches... "to enhance our customer service capability"... Eh?

And how about those wonderful little instructions appearing on everything. Seen on a packet of peanuts recently... "1 - Open packet. 2 - Eat contents"


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:48 AM

wet paint.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:50 AM

How horrible. "Eat contents"... what if you need the peanuts for some other purpose. Will you get in trouble if they see you not eating them?

Liland


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:57 AM

I notice Boeing doesn't want to let us look at the picture of the Space Needle I tried to link to (in my initial post in this thread). Here's the page with the picture (I was trying to just get the picture).

Liland
Fixed it.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:57 AM

Imagine trying to do things the wrong way round...... Gee, this packet's chewy, Oh and pass me the nut-cracker


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 16 May 02 - 03:20 AM

Liland, Years ago when I lived in a townhouse complex I planted a vegetable garden and promptly got a letter from my management stating that if I did not remove it they would be "forced to take appropriate action." I was SO tempted to write back to them saying, "Do you mean that if I DO take it out you will take INAPPROPRIATE action?"

Genie


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 16 May 02 - 03:49 AM

Two more I can recall at the moment.

•Every vitamin bottle I get has one of those little paper packets or plastic covered packets of grainy stuff (silica?) that absorbs moisture to keep the other contents dry. In big letters on each packet it says "DO NOT EAT." It's hard for me to imagine how anyone old enough to read could think of eating one of them! ( I suppose some of these silly signs are just lawsuit protection.)

•Sometimes I find signs on the inside of doors at the outer walls of buildings saying "DO NOT ENTER." They mean "Do not go through this door from this side," of course, but I always wonder why they do not just say "Please use other door" or (if you're not supposed to go out that door at all) "NO EXIT." What would you be "entering" if you went out of the building through that door?

Genie


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 May 02 - 03:59 AM

Folk connection - Fleetwood, the home of Fylde folk festival had for many years the most riduculous signs. For example

1. This pier is open all year round from November 1st.

2. These toilets are fitted with anti-climb

and - in a glass fromted office in the market hall -

3. this is not a ladies toilet

The mind boggles!!!

Cheers

Dave the Gnome


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 16 May 02 - 04:02 AM

An announcement that has become all too common:

"Save Up To 50%--and MORE!"

Genie


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 16 May 02 - 04:36 AM

smoking cigs is bad for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: DMcG
Date: 16 May 02 - 04:41 AM

Almost all contracts and invoices have a footnote that says something along the lines of "omissions and errors excluded" i.e. this is the right price unless it isn't.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: fogie
Date: 16 May 02 - 04:51 AM

New Scientist regularly has lists of these on the next but last page.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 May 02 - 04:56 AM

on various drive-ups...braille provided for our non-sighted customers...makes one wonder who is driving and why they feel the need to tell us why there is braille on the menu!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 16 May 02 - 05:07 AM

Thanks for the plug, Liland...and for posting the correct tune! This is a little more subtle, but lately I've noticed a number of telephone messages that say, "Please be patient. All our representatives are currently servicing other customers." I think they meant "serving"; "servicing" has a meaning which is distinctly inappropriate in this context--well, for most businesses, that is!

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 16 May 02 - 08:05 AM

Chew the card, throw away the gum and save the wrapper.

Years ago in a post office over a table containing one of those horrible non-working chained pens was a sign detailing the punishments for stealing the pen. These included incarceration and a fine of US$1,000. I double anyone, especially me, had any desire at all to steal what had to be one of the worst pens in existance. So I stole the sign.

(Please don't turn me in -- if the PO finds out I also don't use the "plus 4" part of the Zip code, I'm doomed!!!)

Linn


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,T-boy
Date: 16 May 02 - 08:16 AM

Well, at least the peanut pack didn't say 'Warning - contains nuts'.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 16 May 02 - 08:19 AM

My favourite "stupid warning" came on the back of a packet of "Nightol" (a sleeping aid)

"CAUTION: May cause drowsiness...."

Well, if they don't, they're going back.

Walrus


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: guinnesschik
Date: 16 May 02 - 09:16 AM

And the now famous warning on McDonald's styrene coffee cups: Warning! Contents may be very hot.

Geeze, I hope so; it's coffee after all.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Micca
Date: 16 May 02 - 09:19 AM

I have always loved the one that appeared on a bottle of a brand of shampoo here in the UK (early 60s I think) "Pour a little shampoo into the plam of each hand" Eh????????


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: DMcG
Date: 16 May 02 - 09:24 AM

My toothpaste says "use a pea-sized amount" - are we talking petit pois or marrowfat, folks?

(Why do we spend time reading these labels, anyway?)


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Kim C
Date: 16 May 02 - 09:47 AM

I mentioned this in another thread a long time back, but here it is again. I used to work in a furniture store and we sold a little occasional table-type thing, just a little round table that you might put a telephone on, or a small plant or something. I was assembling said table when I noticed the sticker on the underside of the tabletop: WARNING! This is a table. Don't sit on it.

And what's an "occasional" table, anyway? Is it only a table part of the time, and morphs into something else?

I got really tickled at an Allegra commercial last night, which said "side effects may include headache..." And I'm thinking, personally, I take allergy pills to AVOID headaches...


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Peg
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:10 AM

Part of the reason for this has to do with liability; we have become such a litigious society that any company with any money should be watching over both sides of its shoulder to see if anyone is going to sue them because of their own stupidity while using the company's product.

Nut allergies are very serious and so labelling products which may contain nuts is fine in my book.

The hot coffee/hot beverage label is stupid, but then again, so was the woman who scalded herself trying to drink a take-away coffee from McDonalds' WHILE DRIVING. She won millions of dollars from her lawsuit as I recall...I think the defense had to do with how she could not possibly have known that the beverage was hot. Sorry, but if you order any type of coffee except "ICED" coffee it is SUPPOSED to be hot.

I remember working at a small thrift shop in Boston and a man slipped on the icy stairs oputside the shop. There was no salt to be had at any of the shops and I was making a sign saying "CAUTION" but he slipped before I put it up. HOWEVER the entire city was covered in a sheet of ice and warnings were all over the weather reports and people were being encouraged to stay inside unless absolutely necessary. But this guy, though he was not hurt in any way (a bit shaken but he walked away) still made noise about suing. The same owner was also threatened with a lawsuit from her babysitter's father: her baby had an ear infection and the babysitter came down with one and so the father was going to SUE! My boss/the owner was almost in tears, forgetting apparently that: 1) the babysitter took the risk of contracting illness when she agrees to babysit any child, and 2) ear infections aren't spread from person to person!

I often see people pretend to be hit by cars backing out, etc. and of course people who make their money winning lawsuits consciously do this and then fake symptoms. Ridiculous.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:28 AM

Old Road signs never die they just "Give Way"

In NZ they used to paint the word on the road as well - only trouble is they reasoned we would read the message nearest first so painted the words

WAY
GIVE

never really got use to that one. I think they gave way to the pressure of public disapproval of the silliness!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:32 AM

Kim C: Les Barker does a monologue by an occasional table. ("On my day off I'm a chair!")

Nigel


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:35 AM

Peg
I warned a climber going to the Hymalayas that some villagers might shoo chickens under passing cars and then claim compensation on the spot. He was up to those tricks and told me it is not always chickens that they put in the path or vehicles!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:40 AM

kim c

occasional tables- the rest of the time they're temporary traffic lights


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Davey
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:49 AM

Small thread creep....

Kim C asked about an "occasional" table.

Brings to mind Les Barker's poem


I have an occasional table
That's it,over there
You can tell it's an occasional table
Today's it's day off, it's a chair

Sorry for the thread creep, I couldn't resist.

Similar to Liland's first post, I have a plastic milk carton which has a number of good storage uses.
Every time I pick it up I can't help but smile at the notice posted on it, which reads

Illegal use prohibited.

Davey (:>)


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Micca
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:56 AM

In the 60s they made "copies" of whisky in the Far East and faked even the bottle to look like a "genuine" Scotch bottle, I had one that included the phrase" Pressed from genuine Scottish grapes"


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: lamarca
Date: 16 May 02 - 11:08 AM

Peg, people keep bringing up the McDonald's case as an example of a silly lawsuit - what they don't seem to know is that the woman involved required major skin grafts to repair the burn damage, because McDonalds, in spite of numerous warnings, was maintaining its coffee at temperatures in excess of 185 degrees. An interesting summary of the "McFacts" of the case are here.

Basically, industry groups want to maintain the impression of the apparent silliness of this case to lobby for "tort reforms", so that product manufacturers won't be held liable for genuinely defective and dangerous products. The more the public believes that all such warnings are silly, the easier time industries will have avoiding the wretched expense of actually making their products comply with rational safety rules. Remember, you can't rely on manufacturers to "do the right thing" out of the goodness of their hearts when it affects their bottom line - just look at the huge pile of evidence that Ford and Firestone had about the problems with Explorer tires before the story broke to the public and they were forced to make changes...


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 16 May 02 - 11:24 AM

The Japanese paint "Stop" on their streets starting nearest one's car and heading forward (i.e. the equivalent of bottom to top if the surface were vertical).

And many coupons, where they used to say "Expiration Date: 30 sept 1991" now say "Expires until Sept 30 2002". "Expires until"???!

Liland


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: lamarca
Date: 16 May 02 - 11:30 AM

Getting off my soapbox, I've been collecting pictures of National Park Service signs that are obviously aimed at the lowest common denominator in our population. My favorite examples:

C&O Canal NP: "Know the dangers of the Potomac River - slippery rocks, hazardous currents. EVEN WADING CAN KILL!" (My husband and I are fond of pompously intoning "Even wading can kill.." at odd moments)

Cache La Poudre River, Colorado: "In case of flooding, climb to safety." Uh, duh?

Padre Island National Seashore:
1. "Danger - blue jellyfish" - no explanation, just those 3 words to warn folks that touching the dead Portuguese Man O'War jellyfish washed up on the beach is really not a good idea (they have a toxic sting that can cause some people to go into anaphylactic shock, even when dead). A few more words on the sign might make that clearer: "Danger, blue jellyfish poisonous. Do Not Touch!"
2. "Report live turtles immediately" What are the live turtles doing that they need to be reported? To whom do we report them - the FBI? (Actually, I know this is because the sea turtles that sometimes come to Padre Island to lay their eggs are endangered, and the Park Service wants to keep track of them and protect them - but does your average beach-going tourist know this, and what would THEY make of this sign?)


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 May 02 - 11:34 AM

Liland perfectly logical to me
after that date it no longer exspires - presumeably it inspires! As long as it doesn't exhale - that's OK
OK?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Devilmaster
Date: 16 May 02 - 11:43 AM

I remember walking into a restaurant and being told (along with it on the specials board) that the special of the day was:

Fish And Chips with Fries.

Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Blues=Life
Date: 16 May 02 - 12:00 PM

Lamarca and Peg, Having been involved in product safety committees for various manufacturers, I can say that there is some middle ground here. The McDonalds case is not that the coffee was too hot (it is, for a variety of reasons)because everyone who has ever tried to drink it knows it's too hot. The case involved failure to WARN. If the cup had said "Warning:Contents Hot", she would not have had a case, because driving with a styrofoam container that contains very hot liquid is stupid, and everyone knows that. But you can't prove that she knew this without being told. Hence the "Do not eat" label on silica gel in your vitamins. "We TOLD you not to eat it" is a perfectly legitimate defense. Common sense is not, and the reason for that is an over-abundence of attorneys in the USA. We have become a nation of "Can't be my fault"ers. Anything bad that happens must be someone else's fault. Again, the truth is somewhere in the middle. I am not for the abolition of product safety lawsuits, by any means. If a defective product hurts someone, then the company responsible should be held liable. I also believe that frivolous lawsuits should be punishable too. If an attorney files a ridiculous lawsuit, hoping for a go-away settlement, I wish that judges could fine THE ATTORNEY for wasting the courts time, and make the attorney responsible for all fees on both sides. (Not for losing a lawsuit, but for fileing riduculous ones). No, I don't know what standard we should use, but it is needed. One of the major lawnmower companies had to pay damages to two idiots who picked up a running lawnmower and used it to quick trim a hedge. One of them stumbled, both lost fingers (duh!) and they won the lawsuit because nowhere in the LAWNMOWER instructions did it say DON'T TRIM HEDGES. (Look at the operating instructions on any new mower, it will say something like "for use on lawns only!") If there had been a common sense law, the lawyer who filed this one should have been punished. Blues


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Pete
Date: 16 May 02 - 01:10 PM

In BT telephone exchange toilets we used to see the sticker "WARNING HOT WATER SUPPLIED AT HIGH TEMPERATURES" My other favourite is the public slipway in Cowes on the Isle of Wight which carries the warning "CAUTION SLIPPERY WHEN WET".Isn't that the whole idea?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 May 02 - 01:14 PM

To shed a bit of light (or possibly to add to any confusion) on the McDonald's coffee case:—

Once some years ago I bought a burger and a large cup of coffee at a McDonald's drive-up window. I had accumulated several of McDonald's pressed paper trays, complete with depressions to hold cups. I set the cup in one of the trays over on the passenger seat and drove to a nearby park to eat my lunch. When I got there, I notice that the passenger seat was sopping wet, and when I pried the plastic lid off the styrofoam coffee cup, the cup was empty. The disk-shaped piece of styrofoam that formed the bottom had fallen out. I thought it was just a fluke until a couple of months later my wife and I and a friend stopped at a McDonald's for coffee. As we were driving away from the window, the bottom fell out of the friend's cup, dumping the hot coffee on her legs. She got scalded pretty well and was mightily pissed-off, but she didn't sue. I don't know if that's what happened to the woman who did sue, but I do know that McDonald's had a problem with their styrofoam cups. If you squeezed them a bit, as you had to when prying the plastic lid off, the bottom could drop out.

Noted in the news very recently, a list of the most dangerous things to consume while driving: 1} coffee, 2) soup, 3) chili -- and I can't recall the rest, but they were all things that have a high spill potential (who eats soup when their driving!??).

On to funnier things:—

When I was there, most of the classrooms in the University of Washington music building were equipped with phonographs. The first thing you had to do was lift the lid. Pasted to the bottom of the lid you found a list of instructions, the first of which said, "Lift Lid." The second instruction said "Turn Unit On," and there was a diagram showing the location of the "ON" switch. The third instruction said, "Check to see the unit is plugged in."

Okay. . . .

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Kim C
Date: 16 May 02 - 01:33 PM

Most hair dryers have a safety tag telling you not to use them in the bathtub. Would someone actually do this?

Well.... maybe so. When I was in college, two friends and I were watching some mystery movie where the guy killed the girl by dropping a plugged-in radio into the bathtub with her. A third friend came by and asked what we were watching. When we told her how the murder happened, she just looked at us blankly. How could that kill somebody? she said.

The radio was plugged in! we said.

More blank stares.

And this was college...


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bill D
Date: 16 May 02 - 01:37 PM

I once knew a woman who made bad decision and eloped with a guy she really didn't know that well, and had it annulled 3 days later....in telling the story, she said that they had stopped to get an 'emergency' ring at a variety store prior to the misguided ceremony, and should have had premonitions because of the label on the inside of the ring...

it said: "Genuine, imitation, Lucite"


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 16 May 02 - 01:38 PM

Don,

"...(who eats soup when their driving!??)..."

Probably the same kind of people who try to drink hot coffee while driving [G]
As for the McDonald's coffee incedent. If the bottom fell out of the cup, that was McD's fult, if the driver dropped coffee on herself either because of her driving or because she spilled it BECAUSE it was too hot, then the fault (IMHO) is hers.
In the UK (many years ago) we used to have the "reasonable person" criterion (If a "reasonable person"{1} could be offended/expected to know etc.) - I don't know what ever happened to it it doesn't seem to be applied much these days judging by some of the court decision.

Walrus

{1} Definition of a "reasonable person" is another matter


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Pseudolus
Date: 16 May 02 - 01:49 PM

Somebody correct me if I'm wrong but the woman in the McDonald's suit put the coffee between her legs when pulling away from the window! That ALONE should have dismissed her case....

A local radio station announced shortly after that incident that McDonald's was going to have a new warning put on the side of the coffee cups saying. "Contents Hot, please allow to cool before applying to crotch area".

Hmmmm, did I really ask fellow Mudcatters to correct me if I was wrong? Talk about unnecessary huh?!?! *BG*

Frank


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Art Thieme
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:12 PM

A sign at the entrance to a property in Chillecothe, Illinois

DO NOT RUN FROM DOG
SOMEONE WILL BE OUT
TO HELP YOU !!!

Art Thieme


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:27 PM

"Fish and chips with fries" reminded me of one of my pet peeve menu "typo" -- "with au jus". Department of Redundancy and Needless Duplication.

But back to the main subject, a number of years ago I had a tubal ligation because I was tired of being on The Pill and was finally considered to be mature (over 30) enough to decide not to have children. The pre-surgery hospital release form I had to sign stated that the surgery could possibly result in sterility. I should certainly hope so!!!

Linn


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 May 02 - 03:12 PM

I own a Radioshack store, and we get monthly packets of sale tags and other promtional stuff. A packet I received the week before Thanksgiving contained a sign that said "Closed Thanksgiving". Attached to it was an instruction sheet that read "DO NOT display this sign if you are open Thanksgiving".


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Just Amy
Date: 16 May 02 - 03:30 PM

At a bar called the Oar House in Venice California the Men's Room sign says "Ladies Room" and then in little tiny letters "around the corner." The Ladie's Room of course says Men's Room. The drunker you get the funnier these signs seem and no one seems to care.

I was always tickled in England that the Exit signs say "Way out." Why?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 May 02 - 03:51 PM

Well, it's true that most dogs are more dangerous when you run, but there are some who are just dangerous, period...

I am tired of seeing doors with signs on them saying "DO NOT OPEN DOOR". Why the hell build a door in the first place if it is not to be opened????

I think that the oval office should be provided with a self-destruct mechanism sufficient to take out the whole building, activated by a small red button with a sign below it saying "DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON!" Could be interesting to see what kind of self-control may be found these days in the halls of power... :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: CapriUni
Date: 16 May 02 - 03:57 PM

As for the hot coffee issue: It's one thing to expect the coffee to be hot, it's another to expect it to be scalding (over 125 degrees F, 52 C).

When I was about 12, I think, I was visiting with a cousin, and she handed me some hot cocoa in an insulated mug. Because the mug was insulated, I had no idea how hot the cocoa was (she might as well have handed me a luke-warm drink). When I took a sip, I scalded my tongue, jumped, and spilled the cocoa in my lap. I had a good sized blister burn (felt bigger than it probably was) that took a couple weeks to heal...

Wouldn't wish that pain on even the thickest idiot. Though I agree: the warning would make a lot of sense if it said: Warning: Contents may scald!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 May 02 - 04:45 PM

Rest room signs in a rock joint:--

Mens room, "Elton John"

Ladies room, "Newton-John"

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: lamarca
Date: 16 May 02 - 05:31 PM

Pseudolus, yes, you're wrong - the injured woman wasn't driving. Full descriptions of the case may be found here or here.

For those who don't want to bother with the above websites, here is a description of the case from a Wash. State Consumer Law site:

Myth: An opportunistic old woman launched a frivolous lawsuit when she spilled her McDonald's coffee on her lap.

Truth: Stella Liebeck was sitting in the passenger seat of her grandson's car holding a coffee after purchasing it from a drive-through window of a McDonald's. When she opened the lid to add cream and sugar, she spilled the coffee.

The simple accident caused third-degree burns on more than 6 percent of her body. She was treated in a hospital for a week. McDonald's served coffee 20 or so degrees hotter than the industry standard. The woman underwent numerous skin-graft surgeries as a result of her third-degree coffee burns to her thighs and groin area. She had permanent scarring on more than 16 percent of her body.

McDonald's had already ignored more than 700 similar claims of coffee burns, many involving children. The company even ignored a request from the Shriner's Burn Institute in Cincinnati to turn down its coffee.

McDonald's refused to pay the then 79-year-old woman's initial medical expenses totaling $11,000. McDonald's actually countered with an offer of $800. And they also refused to turn down the heat on their coffee. Left with $20,000 unpaid bills, she finally hired a lawyer.

A mediator later recommended the parties settle for $225,000. Again, McDonald's refused and the case went to trial.

McDonald's representatives lied to the court and jury about the existence of other claims. A jury reduced the original verdict of $200,000 to $160,000 for contributory negligence - Liebeck spilled it on herself.

Based on McDonald's annual profits of more than $1 billion annually, and more than $1.3 million gross daily coffee sales, the jury levied two days of coffee sales receipts as punitive damages for a punitive damage award of $2.7 million.

A judge later reduced the $2.7 million jury award to $480,000. McDonald's later settled the case for an undisclosed amount, requesting the deal be kept sealed. Most major newspapers ignored the judge's reduction and the final outcome of the case.

So, 'Catters, please don't perpetuate the story that a foolish and greedy old woman brought this entirely upon herself, and sued the poor, innocent large corporation, McDonalds. McDonalds has neither your or my best interests at heart; they are only interested in their bottom line, no matter how unhealthy, environmentally damaging or dangerous their products are...

BTW, the growth in the popularity of Buffalo Wings, "Drummettes" and other miscellaneous chicken parts dishes in the last 20 years stems from the chicken industry trying to market the chicken parts McDonald's leaves behind when they order massive quantities of breast meat for their Chicken McNuggets and other McChicken meals...


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Jeri
Date: 16 May 02 - 06:47 PM

Lamarca said, re jellyfish: "they have a toxic sting that can cause some people to go into anaphylactic shock, even when dead." Er...if it were me, I'd think my primary concern would be with being dead. Sorry, sorry sorry...

There was a write-up of a case in which someone in a military dining facility thought the little packet of dessicant in the beans was flavoring, and mixed it in. There were no illnesses reported - the meal was just a bit crunchier than expected.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 16 May 02 - 07:09 PM

RE Litiginous tendencies and their effects on "ordinary" people. As many of may know, lots of the more accessible beaches in Oz are patrolled by volunteer life-savers and there is system of marker flags to indicate areas which may be dangerous because of tidal rips etc. Now the courts have just awarded massive damages to a man who was injured at one of Sydney's most famous and popular beaches because he was injured while swimming in an area within the marker flags.

The man's successful claim seems to have been based on the local Council being responsible for his accident because they had taken some care to ensure that bathers were protected, by supporting the flags and life-savers system etc, but were deficient in his case.

As a result, the council were reported to be considering closing all the beaches in their area which are now open to the public, and posting notices to the effect that no safety precautions or services would be provided... That'll do wonders for the tourism which is an essential part of the local economy down there..... And a lot of other councils could follow their example because of the current massive increases to public liability insurance premiums.

I know this is only one example, and there are heaps like it - including the MacDonalds coffee etc etc etc - but what used to happen in such cases before we all got sue-happy? Surely we're abandoning common sense, or is it just that we've all got so greedy because the corporate sphere is only interested in making a dollar and de'il tak' the hindmost. As part of this whole corporate sphere, lawyers are able to make their profit by encouraging people to take on cases for massive amounts which not long ago would have received more reasonable awards.

Now I'm sorry for anybody who gets hurt through no fault of their own, but where do we draw the line? The Queensland government is now talking about legislating to prevent lawyers from advertising that they take on no-win-no-pay cases. It could be a first step....

Comments...

Oh, and back on Warnings and Instructions etc... I've just read the label on an aerosol insecticide and there's no way I'm going to buy a fish tank just so I can take it out of the room before I use the spray.... and the same goes for the birdcage!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Gareth
Date: 16 May 02 - 07:10 PM

As one who works in the insurance trade I have long learnt not to underestimate the stupidity of the average punter, and the Law.

The doctine of the reasonable man "The man on the Clapham omnibus" still holds. The problem rises from the fact that the (UK) law now defines the average person as less than average intelligence. Hence the need to issue warnings.

The best I've seen in the UK was an the fitting instructions for a Weed/Rope Cutter to be fitted to a boats propeller - ' Caution - This can cause injury!.

As if the sane and sober person stick thier hand/foot into a revolving propeller !!!!! Cutter fitted or not.

On a different tack, at Whitstable on the Kent Coast, there exists a shingle bar extending a mile out to sea. It looks nice to walk upon on an ebbing tide. Its called 'The Street! Now the tide comes back fast. The Council puts warning notices - Warning of the danger.

Yet most summers the local inshore life boat is called out to retrieve parties caught by the tide. Not neccessarily alive.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 16 May 02 - 08:29 PM

Beware of The Hamster.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Pseudolus
Date: 16 May 02 - 09:15 PM

I stand corrected, thanks lamarca!

Frank


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: michaelr
Date: 16 May 02 - 09:29 PM

Parking For Drive-Through Only.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 16 May 02 - 09:33 PM

BatGoddess, I think the bureaucratic entity you were referring to is the Department of Redundancy Department.

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 16 May 02 - 09:47 PM

On the **bottom** of a box of some product or other: "Do not turn box upside down".

On the package of a frozen food product: "Preparation instructions: Thaw"

But I think I love best the really wonderfully wacky translations from other languages.

In a dorm someplace in the world where the primary language is not English, the following message was translated into English and posted in the stairwells: "Please not to preambulate the stairs of a ascension during the hours of repose".


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Big John
Date: 16 May 02 - 09:49 PM

I recall seeing a sign in Cashel (Co. Tipperary) some years ago which read. "CAR PARK - PEDESTRIANS ONLY".(It was in fact a sign directing pedestrians through a narrow laneway to a carpark).


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:48 PM

Kim C wrote: 'I got really tickled at an Allegra commercial last night, which said "side effects may include headache..." And I'm thinking, personally, I take allergy pills to AVOID headaches...'

What irritates (I wish I could say 'tickles', but not yet) me in pharmaceutical ads (aside from their ubiquity) are (1) the voice that cheerily announces that "side effects may include nausea, hypertension, water retention, dry mouth, and sexual side effects; in some cases more serious side effects may occur" (the cheery tone maintained throughout!), and the part where they say "tell your doctor if you suffer from liver or kidney disease"; I think that amounts to telling the patient to practice medicine without a license. Personally, I ask my doctor to tell me if I suffer from liver or kidney disease, not the other way around. Diagnosis, I think, is a significant part of what one pays a doctor for.

Liland


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:51 PM

Liland! I hear ya, and wow...really!

Ridiculously enough, on the side of a medicine prescribed to alleviate nausea: "Side effects may include nausea..."


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: ddw
Date: 16 May 02 - 10:55 PM

Don,

Are you sure it was the MEN's room that said Elton John?

A few years ago when the Batman craze was on my grandson had to have a Batman costume for Halloween. I was helping him unpack it and -- I kid you not -- there was a label that said something to the effect of "This cape does not enable the wearer to fly."

david


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 May 02 - 11:21 PM

Yes, and model airplane kits come inside a plastic bag, to protect the parts. Revell/Monogram Models has started printing warnings on the bags, to the effect that they could endanger a child (or an idiot). They have no doubt done this because some lawyers advised them that some kid (or idiot) somewhere could defy the million to one odds against and actually smother itself with the bag, resulting in its parents hiring some other lawyers and suing Revell for a billion dollars!!!

Result: the black printing on the bags sometimes comes off on the decal sheet (which is outside the bag, where it won't get damaged by the plastic parts) and ruins it! This effectively sort of ruins the whole kit, which may have cost you $15 or $25.

Not one kid has been saved. I guarantee it.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 16 May 02 - 11:28 PM

Come to think of it, isn't there a case to be argued that letting the downright stupid among us find ways to circumvent common sense could be construed as a worthwhile and positive act, to help improve the standard of the (remaining) human race? I'm sure we've all read something like that... AND IT'S TRUE!!!! - provided of course that it doesn't happen to me...


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 16 May 02 - 11:39 PM

GUEST,ozmacca...

Yup...that's what the "Darwin Awards" are all about! :D


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 17 May 02 - 01:10 AM

Let's hear it for Darwin folks... and anyone who survives in Darwin should get an award just for being there... Yes, I know... It's not the place, but I couldn't resist it. You take every possible opportunity to laugh at it if you live out here.

Back on Warnings etc. On a toy ball I happened to read the warning on - "Danger - small parts may be dangerous to small children." Fair enough, except the ball was about 500mm in diameter.

Oh, and just remembered the one about signs on doors... It says "Push" so I push and it opens. It says "Pull" so I pull and it opens. It says "Lift" and I try, but I just can't get it off the ground.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 17 May 02 - 06:32 AM

My favourite (work related) sign is the notice on a sealed polythene packet of 20 pound notes (US=Bills).

GIROBANK
£25,000 in £20 notes
Attention: contents must be checked before opening bag

my italics: hopefully the symbols before the numbers in the line following "Girobank" should be Pound signs.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Paul Mitchell
Date: 17 May 02 - 07:45 AM

I'm often tempted to add to signs.. When I see "Wet Paint" I feel "This is not an instruction" would work well. To "This door is alarmed" perhaps "...why? What's happened to it?". I've often felt that the sign "We ask people to leave this kitchen as they would wish to find it." is a bit harsh. I can't afford to refit the whole thing in pleasant pine, stock it with state of the art appliances, cakes and coffee, then hire scantily clad blondes to dance i it all the time.

Paul


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Wolfgang
Date: 17 May 02 - 08:05 AM

When we see in Germany a 'restaurant' from an American company offering "fast food" (Yes, they expect us to understand that) we grin and remember that 'fast' (pronounced: 'fust') in German means 'nearly, comes close to being...' and that's how those who dislike this food pronounce it.

Wolfgang


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 17 May 02 - 09:01 AM

GUEST,ozmacca,

Re: The swimmer who managed succesfully to sue the local council in Sydney after being injured.

If this is the case I read about some short time ago, I seem to recall that he had a high blood alcohol level and had been taking extacy. Perhaps the council should simple put up notices stating
"Safety measures not valid if stoned or drunk"

Walrus


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 May 02 - 11:19 AM

Ha! Good one, Wolfgang... :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: lamarca
Date: 17 May 02 - 11:40 AM

Wolfgang, is that like the stuff which is labelled "Genuine artificial cheese food product", which, I can safely say, is neither genuine, cheese or food...


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: DMcG
Date: 17 May 02 - 11:48 AM

There is a current UK advertisment for some washing powder or other, trying to say it doesn't damage colours. They show a new T-shirt and then show it again "after several washes".

Is it me? I think several means two or three, and is it really the norm for a T-shirt to be noticably discoloured after two or three washes? Do T-shirt maufacturers use water-soluble dyes?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Deda
Date: 17 May 02 - 11:53 AM

Printed on the back of those cardboard sun-shades that you prop up between dashboard and windshield on hot days to keep the card shaded: "Do not drive with sun-shades in place."


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 17 May 02 - 12:47 PM

lamarca mentions "Genuine artificial cheese food product"; this is slightly more genuinely artificial than the variety that's labeled simply "American processed cheese food"; I have never bought any, because I've never had a cheese that showed any desire to eat the stuff (I construe "cheese food" along the parsing pattern of "dog food").

Liland

PS I started this thread to preserve the integrity of the Road Sign threads, and to distract myself from all the deaths in my families, and it seems to be serving the purpi (Latinate pl. of purpose). Seems to me there's also got to be the raw ordnance for a song or two in here somewhere. Have at it, smithies.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Don Firth
Date: 17 May 02 - 01:55 PM

I've always been a little suspicious of "Fresh Frozen."

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Steve-o
Date: 17 May 02 - 02:18 PM

"In the UK (many years ago) we used to have the "reasonable person" criterion (If a "reasonable person"{1} could be offended/expected to know etc.) - I don't know what ever happened to it-it doesn't seem to be applied much these days, judging by some of the court decisions." -Walrus, you have certainly hit it on the head. I'm sure this is a far, far worse problem here in the US....these days we seem to LISTEN TO ANY WACKO that speaks up about anything. I recall a suit where some jerk was awarded a few hundred thousand dollars- he had sued the maker of his rotary lawn mower because it had cut off one of his fingers. He had been holding it up and using it to trim the top of his hedge at the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 17 May 02 - 02:24 PM

"No Trespassing" signs! Ah, you've touched a sore point with me.

First of all, there is the logical absurdity of it. Trespassing is, by definition, an offense. Therefore, you shouldn't need a sign to tell you not to do it. That's as silly as a sign saying "No Stealing." It would be more to the point to post a sign saying "Private" or "Keep Out."

What needs to be communicated is (1) that a certain parcel of land is privately owned, (2) where the boundaries are, and (3) the fact that the owner (or leaseholder) doesn't want you on his land. Once that much is clear, you know exactly what would constitute trespassing.

"No Trespassing" signs, illogical as they are, at least communicate #1 and #3, but they do a lousy job of #2.

I have spent a lot of time in a certain area of northern Wisconsin that contains a lot of public land, mostly state forest, but also wildlife preserves. The land is crisscrossed with public snowmobile trails, logging roads, and some trails that are impossible to identify. I love to explore them. I always START my hikes on public land, but sometimes I come upon a sign that says "No Trespassing." Often there is no fence to indicate which way the property line runs. How am I supposed to figure out what part of the land around me is private? If the sign is on the right side of the road, am I entitled to assume that the road itself and the land on the left side of it are still public? And if so, how far ahead of me does the private land extend?

Is there anyone out there who can explain the law, custom, and etiquette of "No Trespassing" signs?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 02 - 02:33 PM

"No trespassing" signs are normally posted on boundaries - and set up so that if you are facing the sign you are facing the forbidden crossing.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Kim C
Date: 17 May 02 - 03:08 PM

lamarca, unless it's changed in the last few years, Chicken McNuggets are processed-pressed chicken, not all-breast nuggets. They are disgusting and I will not eat them.

Wendy's, on the other hand, serves all-breast nuggets. I think Jack in the Box does too.

Anyway... Mister used to work in a department store and he brought home a box that said Real Plastic Snow.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: lamarca
Date: 17 May 02 - 04:33 PM

Oh, boy - Processed Pressed Chicken! It reminds me of our friend Peter Fishman's song, "Chicken-the Vegetable With Legs". I have mental images of a huge steamroller flattening the chickens, followed by a rotating cookie-cutter sort of thing stamping out perfectly circular "McNuggets" from all the assorted flattened parts. Yummy. (NOT)

It does remind me of the sign above the local seafood counter -"Fresh shrimp - thawed for your convenience."


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 17 May 02 - 04:49 PM

Actually, Lamarca, not all Chicken McNuggets are perfectly round. 50% are perfectly oval, and the other 50% are shaped like the state of Louisiana.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 17 May 02 - 05:29 PM

Potted meat food product...

What, they got it drunk before they canned it? And what is a "food product" as opposed to a food, anyway? Is it something that cleverly immitates food, but isn't really a food?

Spam...I don't wanna know.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 May 02 - 05:35 PM

Ya know........Everytime the scalded 80 year old McLady story comes up, I can't help but get a laugh out of part of it anyway...........I mean, I am forced to assume there was a medical reason for skin grafts in the areas affected and this was not done for cosmetic reasons.................And out of curiosity how hot is the parafin used in bikini waxing?

Much as I dislike the ridiculous stuff, I'd like to have a few posted on the dashboards of cars:

PLEASE REMOVE THE CELL PHONE FROM YOUR EAR AND INSERT IT UP YOUR ASS

and

PLEASE RESTRICT YOUR EATING HABITS WHILE DRIVING TO FINGER FOODS

and a personal favorite

UNLESS YOU REGULARLY CRAP AND WHIZZ IN YOUR CAR SEAT, PLEASE TEND TO YOUR PERSONAL GROOMING NEEDS AT HOME AS WELL

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Peg
Date: 17 May 02 - 05:40 PM

I was not aware the coffee woman received third-degree burns; I did not realize this was possible from hot liquid unless it was absolutely boiling. My mother burned herself with bubbling tomato sauce (which tends to stick to the skin) on her stomach and the burns were only second degree. It sounds like this woman did not receive proper first aid quickly enough (did she receive any? That does not apear in the account posted) and if someone had acted more quickly perhaps her burns would have been less severe. Even so, I never called her greedy or foolish (though I think it is somewhat stupid to try and fiddle with hot drinks in the car). But this sort of court case has certainly set a standard, perhaps less clear-cut and more dishonest, for people to try and blame a company for injury caused by their own negligence, and to expect their lawyers to demand huge settlements.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: gnu
Date: 17 May 02 - 05:59 PM

Spaw.... Please get the fuck out of my way because I have three calls after this one and I am tired of your lazy-ass driving. GREEN MEANS GO FOR CHRISSAKES !!!! How did you get a drivers license in the first place !? Jaysus, I'm late for my next dollar.... DRIVE IT OR PARK IT, WOULD YA !!?? HOW IN HELL AM I GONNA MAKE A LIVING AT THIS PACE !!?? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ? A FUCKING INVITATION ? C'MON, PUSH YOUR WAY OUT THERE.... what's that, oh no, not you... no, wait a minute.... fuck, I lost that job and it's all your fault. I'm gonna have to speed up to pay for that one.... c'mon, move it you *apcrap fucking sportscar....

Life in the fast (& dead) lane.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 May 02 - 06:03 PM

Peg....They are possible and more frequent than you'd think, especially in children. Degree is judged by the depth of the burn and water based liquids at or near the boiling point can create third degree situations.

And before someone jumps on my joke, I know that treatment of third degree burns involves the removal of necrotic tissue and covering with grafts to promote healing.

I still think she had no case.......It was a dumb thing to do. And Mickey D. wasn't too smart either as they knew their coffee was too damn hot.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 17 May 02 - 06:11 PM

I have heard many stories about juries making ridiculous awards to greedy plaintiffs making frivolous claims, etc. I always take these stories with a grain of salt, and here's why:

1. Juries are not required to give any explanation of their decisions. Any explanation of why a jury voted the way it did is strictly unofficial and likely conjectural. Even if an occasional juror speaks to the press, he or she is not speaking for the entire jury. Other jurors may have had different reasons for voting the same way.

2. Judges never talk to reporters.

3. Lawyers tend to present many arguments and many kinds of evidence during a trial, some serious and some frivolous. Even the lawyers may not know which arguments and which evidence were most persuasive.

4. Lawyers are biased. They are paid to be biased. They are ethically and legally required to represent their clients’ best interests, which means they are ethically required to be biased. This applies regardless of whether they are pleading a case in court or talking to a reporter. Furthermore, lawyers have personal reasons to be biased. Like everyone else, they don't like to admit defeat in a fair trial. Defeat suggests bad judgment—it suggests the lawyer should have accepted an out-of-court settlement or a plea bargain. The lawyers for the winning side are likely to believe that the jury was logical and responsible. The lawyers for the losing side are likely to believe the jury was biased, illogical, and emotional, and was unduly influenced by their opponent's weakest arguments.

5. Very few trials are covered by reporters that sit and listen to all the testimony. Reporters usually get their information by interviewing lawyers or other participants (but not judges and juries) after the fact, and by reading official court documents. They usually don’t get to see transcripts of testimony. (Transcripts are expensive to produce, and you get them only if you’re willing to pay for them.) Therefore reporters have no way of independently judging the credibility of witnesses, the relevance of evidence, etc. Their stories may be influenced by the bias of the lawyers they talk to. Good reporters will try to filter out bias, but they may or may not be successful.

6. Some civil trials are covered by specialized trade journals even though the mainstream media do not consider them newsworthy. When, for example, a bank is sued, the trial might be covered only by a trade journal that is written for bank managers. The resulting story will concentrate almost 100% on explaining the effect the decision will have on the banking industry, and little or nothing on the effect it will have on the public as a whole. And the "facts" in the story may come completely from one side of the lawsuit-the bankers and their lawyers.

7. Some trials do not attract any attention at all in the mainstream media until some politician, lobbying organization, or political columnist cites it in support of some political agenda, such as "tort reform." Then, if the political argument attracts enough attention, the mainstream media scramble to cover the story belatedly. Often the only information immediately available comes from press releases put out by a lobbying organization, so that slant gets reported first. Follow-up stories may include information from the trade journals, and still later stories may contain information gathered independently by reporters. Only then does information from the other side come out. "A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." --Mark Twain

So when you hear a story about a stupid decision made by a jury, remember that probably you got it from a reporter who got it from a politician who got it from a lobbyist who got it from a trade journal that got it from the lawyers that represented the losing side. (Or maybe you got it from Jay Leno, who got it from his comedy writers, who got it from....)

At a time like this, it is good to ask, which is more likely: that the jury got it wrong or that the reporter got it wrong?

A quote attributed to Damon Runyon: "It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong - but that is the way to bet." I would add: Juries may not always be right, but that is the way to bet.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 17 May 02 - 06:39 PM

Jim Dixon's mention of experiences with No Trespassing signs in the woods reminded me of the stanza of This Land Is Your Land (in the DT) where Woody wrote

As I went walking, I saw a sign there;
On the sign it said NO TRESPASSING,
But on the other side it didn't say nothing--
That side was made for you and me!

Liland


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Gray D
Date: 17 May 02 - 09:07 PM

Don Firth

A slight thread drift, but the rest rooms at a middle eastern garage that I visited long, long, ago were marked only with the signs:-

"oo" and "OO".

One had to work it out for oneself.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bill D
Date: 17 May 02 - 09:33 PM

our local hardware store once acquired a batch of old wine barrels, and put them up for sale....some cut in half, some not.

The sign said "half barrels $9...full barrels $15"

They didn't think me funny when I asked for a 'full' barrel, and enquired what the vintage was....(they didn't change the sign, either)


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 17 May 02 - 10:44 PM

• Mark, Now that you mention it, they DO say "servicing," instead of "serving!" (Well, many times we're calling them because they've 'screwed' us!)

• Liland, you ROGUE, you! Do you still have that pilfered sign? LOL

• How about those tags on mattresses and pillows that, until comedians started making so many jokes about them, read "DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENALTY OF LAW." (Now they've added "before purchase" or words to that effect.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
• Re: Lawsuits:
Lamarca, thanks for posting that info about the superheated beverages at MacDonald's. Capri, I'm with you: MacDonald's warning should read "CONTENTS MAY BE MUCH TOO HOT TO DRINK! There was a news report on TV recently about how microwaving can raise the liquid's temperature well beyond 212 degrees, such that sticking a spoon into the cup can cause the liquid to explode, burning someone severely (even on their face and arms, not just tender areas like the crotch.) Had the woman whose crotch was burned simply taken a huge gulp of that coffee, her esophagus probably would have been scalded. On the other hand, when I make coffee in my drip coffeemaker, it's plenty hot for drinking, if I dumped it in my lap I wouldn't even get 1st degree burns. (Sorry, 'Spaw.)

As for it being stupid to drink hot liquids while riding in a car, why do you think the fast food places dispense coffee in containers with lids via their DRIVE-THROUGH windows?

I do agree about our society (the USA) being overly litigious, Peg, ozmacca, etc. But would you folks who keep talking about the MacDonald's case as an example PLEASE READ LAMARCA'S POST? And Jim Dixon's last one, too.

Blues=Life,
What you said about lawsuits!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to Ridiculous Warnings:

• How about this common one:
"EAT HERE"
GET GAS"

• DMcG, Your toothpaste says "use a pea-sized amount," eh? Funny how the TV ads always picture folks squirting an inch-long glob onto the brush!

• Other redundant signs:
Rio Grande River
Sierra Nevada Mountains
Shrimp Scampi (Yeah, I know it's a particular dish, but it means "shrimp shrimp.")

• Liland, some of those product warnings are so SCARY that I can't imagine why anyone would use product. Remember "Olestra" (the fat substitute)? When the warning said "..may cause abdominal cramping, frequent bowel movements and the inability to control them..." I immediately gave up any thought of even TRYING the product--no matter how much weight I might lose!!

• Deda, I've seen those sun-shades warnings, too--"Please Remove Before Driving!") LOL!

• Jim Dixon, Your point about "No Trespassing" applies to my landlord's letter about "having to take appropriate action." One would hope that ALL actions they took were "appropriate;" if you could assume that, all they would need say is, "if you [do X], we're gonna do something about it." ;- )

Genie


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: DonD
Date: 17 May 02 - 11:07 PM

Kim C

Lady walks into a furniture store and asks the salesman to show her some sexual sofas. He helpfully corrects her: "I believe you mean a sectional sofa, madame." "No," she replies. "my husband likes an occasional piece in the living room." (Rimshot) (That was the subtle musical connection.)

As to 'signs', I remember arriving in Plymouth (England) back in 1955 and visiting the public facilities on the Hoe, where each individual sheet of toilet paper was imprinted "Property of the City of Plymouth". It was of a wonderful glazed texture and I couldn't understand why anyone would want to steal a sheet (or roll) until I discovered that the paper generallly available had more of a sandpaper texture with occasional splinters.

I guiltily took a sheet as a souvenir and no one back in the spoiled States could figure out what it was.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,frank
Date: 17 May 02 - 11:47 PM

sign in a gas station bathroom, the usual"employees must wash hands before returning to work" (of course i've always wondered about why the employer need not wosh his hands, class discrimination again), anyhow, the rediculous part was that under the texe, on this sign mounted on the wall was a line of braille, i assume saying the same thing, so that blind employees, looking for the towles, and running their hands across the wall might be reminded towash their hands...

by the way, has anyone seen braille graffetti for the blind?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Tweed
Date: 18 May 02 - 12:59 AM

Mrs.Shinn in fifth grade exhorting us kids to get under our desks in the event of a nuclear attack. "Remember children, Don't look at the light and be sure to cover your heads!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 18 May 02 - 01:18 AM

I think I had a grade school teacher named Shinn. Where was this, Tweed?

Liland


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 18 May 02 - 02:59 AM

While it may be needed by a few, it was something of a jolt to find - on the wrapper for two-pack "Grandma's Homestyle Cookie" - the following

Allergy Information: This product is made on equipment that also makes products containing peanuts and soy protein.

(Thanks - I had to eat another cookie just to make sure I got it right.)

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bert
Date: 18 May 02 - 04:29 AM

Then there were the ads for a popular hair growth product that warned "Possible Sexual Side effects", I imagine a guy growing long hairs all over his dick. The same ad had another warning, "Should not be handled by pregnant women" Again, a vision of a real hairy Gorilla baby pops into mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 18 May 02 - 10:13 PM

I know it seems a little silly, John, but a warning like that can be literally lifesaving. More than a few people have died because they ate something whose label didn't mention peanuts but actually contained a tiny amount -- enough to cause a severe allergic reaction and anaphylactic shock. Of course, there's also the package of peanuts that says: Warning: Contains peanuts. Go figure.

Regarding the NO TRESPASSING signs, I'm always amused by the signs that say, POSTED. As best I can figure, the law says your land must be "posted" in order to enforce any action for trespass. That is, you have to post signs that say "Private Property" or "No Trespassing". But somebody figured that if the law says your property must be posted, they should put up a sign saying it's posted! As P.T. Barnum is supposed to have said (or was it Bill Gates?), nobody ever went broke by underestimating the intelligence of the public.

Liland, I never thought of "cheese food" as being food for cheese....that's wonderful! I always refer to that stuff as "Artificially colored chemically processed cheese-flavored food-like substance." (Not to be confused with the candy-like substance my med school rommate used to call "orange peanut banana bad stuff"...but I digress.)

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 May 02 - 11:02 PM

Sounds like the Colorful, Vitamin-Enriched, Styrofoam Bits that is often sold as breakfast cereal.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Blues=Life
Date: 19 May 02 - 12:07 AM

Genie, Re: " There was a news report on TV recently about how microwaving can raise the liquid's temperature well beyond 212 degrees, such that sticking a spoon into the cup can cause the liquid to explode, burning someone severely." If the liquid is water based (i.e. coffee or tea) it is impossible to heat an open cup or container to well over 212 degrees. At 212 (100 degrees C) the water boils, by which is meant it passes from a liquid to a gas. The only way to super heat water (over 212) is under pressure, i.e. in a closed container, such as a pressure cooker or a boiler. The liquid boils off steam until the pressure of the steam overides the ability of the water to turn to gas. At that point, the heat is retained by the water, until the pressure becomes so high that the boiler blows! Oops.

Now, as to why McD's coffee is so damn hot. THEY claim it's because using extremely hot water extracts more flavor from the ground coffee. Although this is true, I have my doubts that this is why they do it. A friend of mine who used to manage a McD's told me it was explained to him that the coffee was 180+ so that when you walked out of the restaurant in the dead of winter, put the cup into the snow on the roof of your car to unlock the door, and then finally got it into your car to drink, it would still be hot. Who knows? But for that matter, who DOESN"T know the stuff is too damn hot?

Finally (sorry about the length of this post) I like the idea of the "reasonable person" criteria in the UK. Unfortunately, the US standard is that if a misuse of the product could be reasonably forseen, then you have to engineer against the MISUSE by an idiot. Case in point, if a set of book shelves can be forseen to be pulled into the center of the room and used as a ladder to change a lightbulb, thus causing injury when the idiot comes crashing down, then you have to include something in the design to keep the idiot from misusing it. Thus the engineering concept "idiotproofing", or in the new politically correct version, "consumer proofing". Gotta love it.

Blues


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 19 May 02 - 12:32 AM

Blues, while I agree that under normal atmospheric pressure at sea level water and other water-based liquids (like coffee, tea, salty water...) boil right around 212° (and would likely continue to do so even if I withheld my consent), still I did see the news report to which Genie refers (or another like report) and she is not misrepresenting what the report reported. The microwaved water did indeed exhibit explosive tendencies that were explained in terms of superheating. Where the inexactitude or imprecision lies I hazard not to divine.

Liland


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 19 May 02 - 04:09 AM

Thanks for the backup, Liland. Blues, I certainly don't claim to be an expert, but the report on "superheated liquids" said a cup of liquid (presumably 8 oz.) heated in a microwave over 2 minutes COULD be heated beyond boiling but something about the surface interface prevented the release of heat via bubbling until the surface was disturbed, e.g., by sticking a spoon into the cup, which would cause the liquid to explode (erupt). They demonstrated this. I've also had that kind of experience, though, fortunately, I didn't get hit with much of the liquid.
(If a liquid were heated only to 212°, why would it explode when you stuck a spoon into it?)

Anyway, the main point here is that the court acknowledged that MacDonalds had been serving their coffee substantially hotter than other restaurants do. (So a reasonable person might well NOT expect the coffee to be so hot that it would cause SEVERE burns if it came into contact with your skin.)

Genie

BTW, Sorry about that "EAT HERE/GET GAS" post. That should have been posted to a different thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: The Walrus
Date: 19 May 02 - 04:46 AM

Re: "Superheated water" from a microwave.

First point 100 deg C (212 deg F) is the bp for PURE water at 1 atmosphere pressure (add contaminants & you change the charicteristics).
As I umderstand the situation (and I add at this point that I haven't seriously looked at Physics for 20+ years), the "exploding water" phenomenon is not so much boiling as "bumping". In the normal coures of boiling, there is a temperature gradient through the liquid from the container up/in, thus the water boils first at the container walls. As the water boils through the bulk it is already boiling at the walls and the vapour bubbles formed at the walls provive a "nucleation point" for the bubbles from the bulk. If I recall the explaination correctly, in a microwave boiled liquid, because the boiling is generated throughout the liquid simulataneously (minimal thermal gradient) there are few (or no) available nucleation sites for bubbles, so, with a liquid in this state, if an object (spoon etc.) is placed into the liquid, it becomes a mass of nucleation sites for bubbles, hence the perceived "explosion".
The simple answer is to put a source of nucleations in during "cooking" (a plastic spoon etc.).,br>

I'm working from a somewhat faulty memory, so I'm ready (and waiting) to be corrected by those who know better.

Regards

Walrus


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Penny S.
Date: 19 May 02 - 05:20 AM

Could the superheating be related to the supercooling phenomenon, where water is below freezing, but remains liquid, because there are no particles to serve as foci for ice to grow. Stirring would provide the opportunity for the ice to form, and the water can freeze completely and suddenly. Perhaps steam also requires centres to form, in the same way as raindrops require seeding.

Penny


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Micca
Date: 19 May 02 - 06:11 AM


Walrus's nucleation explaination is the correct one, but also the dissolved coffee wil elevate the boiling point( cf Raoults law)where the vapour pressure is raised depending on the amount of dissolved substance. Penny, that is also correct, difficult to produce but theoretically correct, The freezing point is also depressed, depending on the amount of dissolved solid, hence "salting" iced roads to depress the freezing point of the water so it liquifys and does not re-freeze( in theory!)


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Penny S.
Date: 19 May 02 - 07:29 AM

Looking at the times of posts, I can't believe I didn't see Walrus's. Notice how I skirted round the subject without using the word nucleation, which I was trying frantically to recall. The supercooling I have seen occasionally on first using a new ice cube tray, in one or two places, but never been able to reproduce.

Penny


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Blues=Life
Date: 19 May 02 - 08:05 AM

Is this a smart bunch of people or what? Thanks all for the physics lesson, and for showing me once again why I majored in Biology. LOL Now when you get around to combustion of wood in fireplaces, let me know. That's something I do happen to know about. Microwaves? Nah.

Blues


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 19 May 02 - 02:09 PM

Yeah, I thank y'all for the physics refresher (and extension) course, too!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Haruo
Date: 19 May 02 - 02:30 PM

Ditto. The Walrus did a better job than the newscasters of explaining it, perhaps because he was not afraid to say "nucleation" (which in TV journalism might suggest a danger of Atomic Warfare in one's microwave oven).

Liland


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: fat B****rd
Date: 19 May 02 - 03:04 PM

Duh, I used to work for a company whose weekly pay packets told you to check the amount inside before you opened the packet.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Melani
Date: 20 May 02 - 02:43 PM

My personal favorite is my stove lighter which says "Do not use near fire or flame."


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 21 May 02 - 05:25 AM

I've always been fond of the Micro$oft mantra: DO NOT MAKE ILLEGAL COPIES OF THIS DISK

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 21 May 02 - 02:14 PM

Well, it's not exactly a "warning" or "announcement, but I people ofetn say [and sometimes print], in the context of religion or codes of conduct, an admonition to "refrain from lying, cheating, stealing, ... and immorality."

Genie


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Burke
Date: 21 May 02 - 05:53 PM

I found another page with more details about the McDonald's Coffee. Go here.

It mentions that the car was not moving and that the sweatpants the woman was wearing held the coffee against her skin.

I haven't found, but thought I'd read elsewhere, that in addition to the very high temperature; the lids fit very tightly & it is difficult to remove them to add the cream & sugar. I've never understood why people can think it strange to put coffee between ones legs. If you're in a stationary car a natural place to try to hold the cup still is right there.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 18 Jun 02 - 12:07 AM

Tonight I "took a shortcut" on my way home from a gig. In other words, I got lost. At one point, after driving down a long back road, I found myself facing a parking lot on my right and a road to my left, with a sign saying:

DEAD END

Immediately under those words -- on a smaller sign posted on top of the larger sign-- were the words:

NO TURNAROUND

I'm still musing as to what we lost drivers were being instructed to do-- and I have this vision in my head of a huge array of abandoned cars in front of those two signs!

Genie


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: SharonA
Date: 18 Jun 02 - 01:14 PM

Saw a sign on Sunday, attached to a gate in a chain-link fence surrounding a military facility. The gate was locked, and there were a couple of logs clearly visible that were pushed up against the gate on the inside so that the gate could not be opened without moving them. The sign said, in huge letters, "GATE CLOSED".

Yup.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Nerd
Date: 18 Jun 02 - 03:37 PM

There's a pair of signs on Route 70 in NJ which are amusing. The first is a NJ Transit billboard that says: "Oops! You just missed the Train! Make a U turn for the Atlantic City Line." About 100 feet down the road is a sign that says (you guessed it) No U Turns.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Coyote Breath
Date: 18 Jun 02 - 05:58 PM

Here in New Haven, Missouri, our dead-end signs say: "Street not Through" I first saw that and wondered if I should wait...

I once saw this notice on a fence around some lovely woods: "Tresspassers will be violated". And my Canadian produced Crest toothpaste (regular paste) sez: pate ordinaire. Bringing an image to mind that I'd best not dwell on:)

CB


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Coyote Breath
Date: 18 Jun 02 - 06:00 PM

Oh yeah. When a kid in Milwaukee we never got to go and see my grandma 'cause the streetcar had a sign that said: "Information given gladly but no visiting please"

CB


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 18 Jun 02 - 11:39 PM

Actually, I goofed a little in my post about the two signs. Together, they read:

ROAD CLOSED* -- NO TURNAROUND

not "Dead End"*


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 05 Jul 02 - 05:22 PM

This morning on a local TV chat show it was announced that

"Hair for Kathy Marshall and Helen Raftis [is] provided by G-Best of Portland." What would the poor girls do if they lost their sponsor?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Jul 02 - 08:47 PM

A local steakhouse with a western theme has restrooms labeled HEIFERS and STEERS.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 05 Jul 02 - 09:34 PM

Steers, eh? No bulls allowed?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Jul 02 - 10:49 PM

well, I'm almost afraid to do this...but here is the mother-lode of silly warnings etc....which is a subset of this page on things people said in various stupid ways ......which is a subset of The RinkWorks where silliness in awesome amounts abounds!

"All Hope Abandon....etc..."


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 06 Jul 02 - 01:27 AM

LMFAO, Bill!

~SWO!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Jul 02 - 10:17 PM

you didn't say whether you learned **TRUTH** there, Sonja


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 08 Jul 02 - 02:55 AM

I saw one in Seattle recently that puzzled me.  It said

SIDEWALK CLOSED
RETURN TO CROSSWALK
DO NOT WALK IN STREET

Now, I understand the first part and the last part, but the middle doesn't fit.  Since another option would have been to go onto the sidewalk that was perpendicular to the one that was closed, and since returning to the crosswalk would involve walking in the street into who-knows-what traffic, I wondered why someone felt it necessary to tell us where to go, as it were.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 12:53 AM

john from hull has announced ther are too many BS


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: weerover
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 01:39 AM

Local supermarket (Asda, now part of Walmart) has a chilled cabinet section with a sign indicating "Healthy pork". Never have found where they keep the unhealthy stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: mooman
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 11:00 AM

These signs result from linguistic difficulties and are humourous rather than ridiculous! I have seen the list quite a few times in different fora (e.g. translators' sites) but apparently they are or were real signs:

In a Tokyo hotel Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such things please do not read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Yugoslavian hotel The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian ski resort Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On menu in a Polish restaurant Salad a firm?s own make; Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people?s fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Rhodes tailor shop Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany?s Black Forest It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for that purpose.

In a Rome laundry Ladies, leave your clothe here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan Stop - drive sideways.

In a Buddhist temple in Bangkok It is forbidden to enter a woman even foreigner dressed as man.

In a Tokyo bar Special cocktail for ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office We take your luggage and send them in all directions.

In a Roman doctor?s office Specialist in women and other diseases.


mooman


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: fenman
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 12:15 PM

Alas...now gone for ever, since it had to be replaced so many times, on a straight road across rural Lincolnshire UK, a few miles northwest of Boston........
                NEW YORK
          PLEASE DRIVE CAREFULLY


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 12:15 PM

One of my favorites has always been a sign posted next to the local ice skating pond that, even in Summer says "no ice skating today." This sign stays up all year long.

I believe we are making a big mistake in allowing all these warnings and protections to be posted. The advantage of the "reasonable person" criterion is that if a person is too much of a fool to take reasonable care, they may injure themselves and possibly not breed. Ultimately, the whole human race would benefit.

Mickey D's should get a medal, not a lawsuit, for encouraging us to do stupid things and improve the race.

Coffee be damned, how can you expect anyone to make good tea with water at only 180F?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Schantieman
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 01:01 PM

IMHO, anything that takes McD's down a peg or five is good news for the world. They typify, for me, the attitude of many people - and companies - today that they can take what they like from the our limited resources without a thought for the future.

End of lecture. That's better!

On the other hand - some people!

Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Troll
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 01:43 PM

Re: The braile on the automatic teller machine, Many legally blind persons use a taxi to take them to the bank so they can take care of banking business. In the light of this information, the braile doesn't seem so strange.

troll


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: KateG
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 01:58 PM

Scalding coffee is a deliberate act on the part of McD's -- they don't want you to realize that the grounds have been in use for over a week, and all you're getting is superheated brown water.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Bill
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 04:07 PM

I went to a funeral several weeks ago at the local crematorium I couldn't help laughing when I saw a notice by the entrance

                EXTINGUISH CIGARETTES HERE
                THIS IS A NO SMOKING
                   BUILDING

They obviously hadn't looked at the chimney
Bill(the sound)


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Red
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 06:51 PM

Mc Donalds use coffee beans? WASSGOINONTHEN? are they moving up market?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: RangerSteve
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 07:10 PM

Another reason for braille on drive-up ATM's is so the manufacturer doesn't have to make two separate keyboards, one for drive-up and another for walk-up.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Chicken Charlie
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 07:59 PM

Whether "Just Say No to Drugs" in itself is ridiculous or not can be argued, I suppose, but whether you think it helps or doesn't, I have always felt that the perforated rubber mat that keeps people from flushing ciggie butts et al down public urinals is an EXTREMELY (wrong thread, sorry) weird place to put that admonition. Did some psychiatrist determine that people are more open to suggestion when urinating, or did some marketing guru in the pay of a urinal-mat maker decide that he could up sales by killing two birds with one piece of rubber? Bizarre.

CC


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 11:21 PM

I have carefully avoided drinking the ink in my printer refills thanks to the label warning. BUT finally understand why a teaspoon of instant coffee turns microwave boiled water into a volcano. Damn! I could have sued.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Genie
Date: 09 Nov 02 - 02:45 AM

LMAO, Mooman! Thanks for posting those.

Genie


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Sibelius
Date: 09 Nov 02 - 06:05 AM

There's a notice frequently seen on petrol pumps (in the UK at least -guess they'd be gas pumps 'over there') which says:

"SWITCH OFF ALL MOBILE PHONES"

Well, don't own one myself, but hang on for a few years while I run round switching off everyone else's...


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Happy
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 07:23 AM

A man who had in March ordered a Credit Card was surprised to received a bill for his unused card stating that he owed £0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.

In April he received another and threw that one away too. The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them £0.00 by return of post. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it.

The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases he found that his card had been cancelled. He called the credit card company who apologised for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it.

The next day he got a bill for £0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to the credit card company only the previous day the latest bill was yet another mistake he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.

The next month he got a bill for £0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.

Finally giving in, he thought he would play the company at their own game and mailed them a cheque for £0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.

A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a cheque for £0.00. After a lengthy explanation the bank replied that the £0.00 cheque had caused their cheque processing software to fail. The bank could not now process ANY cheques from ANY of their customers that day because the cheque for £0.00 was causing the computer to crash.

The following month the man received a letter from the credit card company claiming that his cheque had bounced and that he now owed them £0.00 and unless he sent a cheque by return of post they would be taking steps to recover the debt. True!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 08:18 AM

There was a wood router that contained a warning that it was not to be used for medical or dental procedures.

And in a public toilet a warning appeared against drinking the water in the toilet bowls.

Many
exist. It makes you wonder, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,cittern
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 02:12 PM

I seem to remember a sign on a rural post office saying:

"Please do not lean bicycles, cars or camels against this window"

Imagine that .... a rural post office.

Best regards
John Robinson
http://www.JulieEllison.co.uk


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Ghirotondo
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 07:04 PM

There was a signpost on a T intersection near Siena, Italy, with an arrow pointing to the left saying "ALL DIRECTIONS" and the other, pointing to the right, saying "OTHER DIRECTIONS".
You'll never know... you could find yourself in the twilight zone!

Ghiro


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,dept. of CYWAP
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 07:40 PM

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp.Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user- serviceable parts inside.Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all.Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi.Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog.Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type.Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors.No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified.Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume.Your mileage may vary.Batteries not included.
Proceed with caution. Not a floatation device. No deposit -- no return. If swallowed, induce vomiting. Do not exit - alarm will sound. Use only in well ventilated area. May contain some violent content. Comprised of 100% natural ingredients. Void where prohibited. (urinate in public) The mind is subject to change without notice. No lifeguard on duty -- surf at your own risk. Contents may exhibit some settling during shipment. Some assembly required. (Visual C for everything else) Contents under pressure (Then again, aren't we all!) We are computer professionals, do not try this at home. Ingredients within Federal guidelines pertaining to bug parts and fecal matter. Inappropriate use of firearms may result in injury or death. (e.g., armed robbery) Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while using this product. Concealed damage should be reported to the carrier immediately. Machine wash separately in cold water with mild detergent. If you have mailed your payment, disregard this notice. For entertainment purposes only -- please, no wagering. A late fee will be assessed if not paid by due date. Unplug before cleaning, inserting or removing parts. Seek the advice of a medical professional before use. Close cover before striking! (We enjoy violence) Warranty of merchantability or fitness is limited. May not support the weight of a full grown adult. To avoid injury point muzzle in a safe direction. Assemble in strict accordance with instructions. Caution - risk of electric shock - do not open. You must wear protective headgear and eye wear. Not a significant source of dietary fiber. Discontinue use if advised by a physician. Keep hands and feet from beneath device. Rated PG - parental guidance suggested. Minors must be accompanied by a parent. Grandparents must be accompanied by a minor. Discontinue use if irritation results. Allow unit to cool before relamping. No user serviceable parts inside. Do not leave children unattended. Warning -- lifeguard not on duty. Intentional misuse can be fatal. No shirt, no shoes - no problem! Look both ways before crossing. Motorized vehicles prohibited. Stand clear -- moving parts. Caffeine free - low sodium. No smoking within 100 feet. Yield to oncoming traffic. May complicate pregnancy. (But then again, so does sex!) Shake well before using. No sanding required. Watch your step. No pets allowed. Do not discard. Post no bills. No loitering. Use no hooks. Dry clean only. As is, where is. This is not an exit. Buckle up for safety. For external use only. No salesman will call! Enter at your own risk. $700 fine for littering. Handicapped parking only. Checkout time is 12:00 noon. Do not invert while driving. Read warning on back of unit. Made with pride in the U.S.A. Do not puncture or incinerate. Substitutions are not allowed. Do not use near fire or flame. No entry -- severe tire damage. Avoid exposure to laser radiation. Please use before expiration date. Free admission to children under 12. See back of receipt for terms of sale. Avoid breathing dust by pre-moistening. Reformatted to fit your viewing screen. Do not exit aircraft while airborne. (Duh!) You must be a licensed driver to participate. This vehicle stops at all railroad crossings. Violators will be prosecuted. (and visa-versa) May be used only by law enforcement personnel. Product complies with FCC Part 15 regulations. Attention: A garder hors de portee des enfants. Some settling may have occurred during shipment. Keep off the grass. (it is a controlled substance) Not liable for incidental or consequential damages. Senior citizens must show picture I.D. to be served. May result in premature delivery and low birth weight. Failure to complete form may result in severe penalties. Quitting smoking greatly reduces hazardous health risks. You may have other rights which vary from state to state. Remove foil before use. (presumably from a condom package) 10% real fruit juice (and presumably 90% industrial solvents) Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Filing a statement containing false information is considered fraud. Normal operation of safety device may result in injury or death. Report all UFO and black helicopter sightings to H. Ross Perot. This has been a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. Had it been an actual alert you would have heard bloodcurdling screams!


Always remember this valuable maxim:
No warning label -- or any piece of legislation, for that matter -- can elevate the I.Q. of the label reader, nor can it minimize any inherent risks!

This supersedes all previous notices.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 08:18 PM

Thank god something finally superseded them!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Sorcha
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 08:26 PM

Well, Rapaire, I can see jOhn9 using a router for dental work.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 08:30 PM

LOL..no, John hates things that whirr and grind, That's the problem!....he'd prefer scotch tape and glue.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Happy
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 04:04 AM

i'm a keen gardener & grow lots of stuff from seed.

instructions on seed packets are often ambiguous 'when seedlings are 1 inch high, stand outside for a few days'.

how long do i have to stand outside? can i sit down?

any more?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Joe_F
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 07:01 PM

I once had a bag of nuts with the warning: "If salted, contains salt."

Many years ago, the office I worked in bought a microfilm reader. We opened the carton, gingerly removed various delicate-looking components and spread them on a table, and then, at the bottom of the box, found a list of Instructions for Unpacking. The first instruction was to turn the carton upside down and open the bottom. There were no such instructions on the outside of the carton. The Silly Sixties evidently infected even Eastman Kodak!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Gareth
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 07:14 PM

And whatever happened to that British Legal Maxim

The test was - "The man on the Clapham Ominbus "

BTW ( UK Catters )- No Ron jokes !!!

Gareth - from Caerphilly.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Happy
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 04:07 AM

talking of omnibuses, there's an open topped double decker city tour bus in my town.

boldly displayed on the outside of is the instruction 'Hop on-Hop Off' .

does this mean you can only board or depart the bus by standing on one leg & jumping?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: The O'Meara
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 12:22 PM

Many years ago I was shopping for a shirt at a discount store in Minneapolis and I ran across one with a label that read

65% recycled fibers
20% unknown fibers
10% miscellanouus
5% other

I was afraid to touch the shirt after that so I didn't buy it, but I did swipe that label.

O'Meara


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 01:35 PM

My daughter recently borrowed a book from the library in which the main character came into conflict with the [real-life] Kray twins. Naturally the book carried the disclaimer that any resemblance to real persons living or dead was purely coincidental. ("Yes, I did describe a character called Ronald Kray as a London gangster in the late sixties purely by chance" ...)


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Phot
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 04:02 PM

On reading the instruction manual for my latest Nikon camera, "Do not place neck strap around neck, it may cause strangulation".

"Hai omi san"!

Chris:)


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Aug 03 - 04:09 PM

My mother always liked the roads with a center lane with curved arrows, and the signs announcing "Left Turn Only Both Directions."


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 03 - 10:03 PM

In the manual of a chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.

Stamped on the barrel of a .22 calibre rifle:
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.

Instructions for an electric thermometer:
Do not use orally after using rectally.

I particularily like the last one.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 03 - 10:46 PM

Seems to me I could have used that line in dealing with certain partners in ages past, Rapaire!! LOL!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: rangeroger
Date: 17 Aug 03 - 10:49 PM

In a port-potty, "Please remain seated while bowels are in motion".

rr


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Happy
Date: 22 May 04 - 09:18 AM

We recently had a new washing machine delivered.

On the outside, the machine had a warning label saying ' Do not connect to mains power or operate before reading instructions!'

There weren't any instructions in the packaging but I could see through the glass door some direction leaflets.

I couldn't get the door open, so I phoned the retailer for advice, gaining the response, 'you have to plug it in to open the door!'


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 May 04 - 11:26 AM

I have read in a reliable place that it is usually incorrect to put up signs that say "Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted". Tresspassing is ordinarily a civil rather than a criminal offense; the signs should say "Trespassers Will Be Sued".


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 22 May 04 - 02:29 PM

Joe F - Actually, in many US areas, trespassing is a criminal offense, although usually at a fairly minor misdemeanor level. The "hook" in it is that by making the tresspass criminal, the "undesirable things you might do while trespassing can be more easily prosecuted, so any "enforcement" usually hinges more on what you do there than on just being there.

Mr Happy - Some years ago we got a ZIP drive to add to a PC. The thing came with a complete installation, operation, and service manual - on a ZIP disk that you couldn't read until you completed the installation. The only other instruction was a card that said "See Manual for Installation."

In the "prevailing ignorance" category, the ubiquitous and irritating

"Express Line, 12 Items or Less"

was pleasantly relieved by the one grocery chain that diplayed a correct

"Express Line, 12 Items or Fewer."

The chain has been merged, and on my recent visit I note that it's now

"Express Line, About 12 Items."

Mustn't offend. But what do they want me to know about those twelve items?

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Pogo
Date: 22 May 04 - 04:57 PM

My personal favorites

Food product must be cooked prior to eating: on a frozen chicken pot pie

And an advertisement I saw for celebrity impersonator. " Only the best are imitated "

{OP


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 May 04 - 03:34 AM

Outside many large Hospitals in the UK there are signs which say "WARNING! Guard Dogs Operating"....Who does the anaesthetics I wonder?.
As you enter the Airport to fly to your Holiday destination...you may be frightened of flying...what is the last sign you see..."TERMINAL"

Oh and when you buy your next pack of toilet rolls...please check to see if they are "100%recycled".......wonder who used the paper before.
Be Blessed.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Richard
Date: 23 May 04 - 05:57 PM

those was funny georiansliver


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 May 04 - 05:55 AM

Thank you sir Richard Guest


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: JennyO
Date: 30 May 04 - 10:54 PM

On the inside lid of my washing machine, there is a list of "Points to Note". This one is really cosmic, man:

If machine is connected to cold water supply only, all washes and rinses will be cold.

Duhhhh........


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,sethw
Date: 31 May 04 - 01:24 PM

In olympia washington,on the department of information systems (DIS)
building downtown, there is a door upon which is written "THIS IS
NOT A DOOR"   What is it then?


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: LadyJean
Date: 01 Jun 04 - 12:56 AM

From the "Squirting Spouting Dolphin" I gave my sister several Chritmasses ago, "After playing the dolphin the batteries must be removed out." I bought the thing, partly for the instructions.

From the Pittsburgh Center for the Arts, for their annual sale:
Whatever the Date
Is whatever you save
On everything
But Burma Shave

Written, of course, on a series of small, brown, signs. I don't think they really sell Burma Shave.

Re. lawsuits. I come from a long line of attorneys. One of the three pieces of legal advice I give out is, Next time your dog bites somebody, you can sue them for trying to poison your dog. Good luck finding a lawyer who will take your case, and a judge who won't throw it out of court, but you can try.
Some years back a lady claimed that an elderly cat at a local stationary store had scratched her, and she would require plastic surgery. The case was tossed out after 30 minutes, and the cat's defense fund, to which I was a significant contributer, went to local animal charities. The cat got a write up in "People" and became a celebrity feline.
His successor, Phineas Fogg scratched me. I was tickling his tummy at the time, so the scratch was entirely justified. Besides, I haven't been without a cat scratch, somewhere, since I was 7.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Happy
Date: 12 Jul 04 - 11:42 AM

Seen on Gents toilet wall at recent festival, 'WET FLOOR'

Don't know if this was warning or instruction!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Boab
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 03:04 AM

I had a Pal [Johnny, now deceased] who took impish delight in suggesting to tourists in the Highlands that we had dangerous sabre-tooth sheep on the high moors. He added weight to his assertions by pointing out the roadside notices--"Beware of the Sheep". Can't be sure that too many were fear-stricken, mind you----


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Charmion at work
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 07:28 PM

In New York and Pennsylvania, I have visited public washrooms that featured linen roller towels with the most extravagant warning signs I have ever seen for an object made of cloth: "Improper use could potentially lead to injury and/or death."

Some questions:

1. How do you injure (let alone kill) yourself with a linen towel that is rolled up inside a metal box so you can get your hands on only about 18 inches of it?

2. Does the tautology "could potentially" make the warning powerful enough to forestall "improper use"?

3. What are the improper uses of a linen roller towel?

Charmion


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: GUEST,Boab
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 09:14 PM

I think, Charmion, your last question merits a thread on its own!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 09:42 PM

Roller towel scenario:

Roller mechanism gets to end of the clean roll, and won't move any more. The last-used portion is still exposed, of course, and others come along and use the still-wet and maybe infected dirty cloth towel. The careless user gets whatever it is.   Improper use, surely.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bert
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 12:51 AM

Roller mechanism gets to end of the clean roll... Kinda like that song "When you come to the end of a lollipop"


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Red
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 07:20 AM

electric blanket instruction

Intstructions, do not throw away.

(OK OK we know what they mean but it ain't plain (english) English.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 07:52 PM

That should read

"Intstructions: do not throw away."

:-)

And they say Punctuation is not important!

'Ceaser entered on his head'...


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Red
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 12:28 PM

or even instructions: .............

But if we are being pedantic (and never let it be said I was not), it would be more instructive to have read

Keep these instructions

it is shorter and more precise.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 10:12 PM

It is also 'better English' as I was taught in school... :-)

Robin


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Mr Happy
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 07:18 AM

Good advice included on warning label on cigarette lighter:

'keep away from children'!


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 08:53 AM

I try, but they keep following me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 12:20 PM

from yesterday's Washington Post :

"WARNING: Do not read this newspaper while driving a motor vehicle, operating machinery or piloting an aircraft. Do not read newspaper over an open flame. Do not hold newspaper close to face while smoking a cigar the size of a billy club. Do not use newspaper as a flotation device. Newspaper may be harmful if taken internally. Reading newspaper articles may cause irritation, nausea, drowsiness, uncontrollable laughter, weeping, cynicism, confusion, depression or existential despair. Keep out of reach of children.

Okay, you've been warned. Now we can proceed to the article at hand, which is about warning labels."


clicky


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 04:44 AM

So maybe I should start wearing a warning label, especially when in Les Barker or Spooky Men gigs....?

Suggestions anyone?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 07:59 AM

Sign on our office toilet door:
'WET FLOOR WHEN CLEANING!'

Suitable responses: 'I always do, it seems to get cleaner that way!' Or maybe, 'If I didn't wet the floor, it wouldn.t need cleaning!'


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Becca72
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 12:50 PM

I visited a friend in Georgia years ago and saw signs everywhere warning "Speed detected by detection device".


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Subject: RE: BS: Ridiculous Warnings and Announcements
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 04:39 PM

Well before hand-held radar guns etc, a speed trap would be a policeman timing you over a set distance, from the top of the hill to that tree, or something of that order. Calling a man with a watch a detection device is a bit over the top....


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