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Lyr Req: How to Make Love

GUEST,Judy Cook 22 May 02 - 01:45 PM
GUEST,Bill Kennedy 22 May 02 - 01:57 PM
greg stephens 22 May 02 - 02:02 PM
Joe Offer 22 May 02 - 02:24 PM
Mrrzy 22 May 02 - 02:59 PM
Mr Red 22 May 02 - 03:07 PM
Bill D 22 May 02 - 03:09 PM
Jeri 22 May 02 - 03:10 PM
Mad4Mud 22 May 02 - 05:00 PM
gnu 22 May 02 - 05:02 PM
GUEST,Sharon Pattison by proxy 22 May 02 - 06:12 PM
GUEST,proxy 22 May 02 - 06:13 PM
kendall 22 May 02 - 07:28 PM
GUEST,Just Amy 22 May 02 - 07:42 PM
p.j. 22 May 02 - 08:01 PM
catspaw49 22 May 02 - 08:15 PM
kendall 22 May 02 - 09:24 PM
Big John 22 May 02 - 09:37 PM
Lanfranc 23 May 02 - 03:32 AM
Herga Kitty 23 May 02 - 05:27 PM
GUEST,DW at work 23 May 02 - 06:07 PM
GUEST,Judy Cook 23 May 02 - 08:00 PM
hesperis 24 May 02 - 01:21 AM
michaelr 24 May 02 - 01:45 AM
p.j. 24 May 02 - 11:46 AM
GUEST,Judy Cook 24 May 02 - 05:12 PM
53 24 May 02 - 05:19 PM
Joe_F 24 May 02 - 07:01 PM
p.j. 24 May 02 - 11:01 PM
GUEST,Judy Cook 25 May 02 - 09:47 AM
GUEST,Georgie 25 May 02 - 02:00 PM
Cluin 27 Nov 02 - 05:56 PM
Cluin 27 Nov 02 - 06:01 PM
kendall 27 Nov 02 - 07:33 PM
Cluin 28 Nov 02 - 02:42 AM
JohnInKansas 28 Nov 02 - 04:52 AM
reggie miles 28 Nov 02 - 05:29 AM
Schantieman 28 Nov 02 - 06:38 AM
Schantieman 28 Nov 02 - 06:39 AM
KingBrilliant 28 Nov 02 - 06:45 AM
HuwG 28 Nov 02 - 08:44 AM
kendall 28 Nov 02 - 09:35 AM
Amos 28 Nov 02 - 10:01 AM
Thomas the Rhymer 28 Nov 02 - 07:18 PM
GUEST,Fred Miller 28 Nov 02 - 07:40 PM
Mr Red 28 Nov 02 - 07:49 PM
Judy Cook 28 Nov 02 - 10:24 PM
Cluin 30 Nov 02 - 04:03 AM
Richie 30 Nov 02 - 07:22 AM
Stewie 30 Nov 02 - 08:28 AM
Schantieman 30 Nov 02 - 10:28 AM
Cluin 30 Nov 02 - 12:43 PM
rock chick 30 Nov 02 - 05:33 PM
GUEST 24 May 03 - 02:48 PM
McMusic 25 May 03 - 04:05 AM
GUEST,Roger Potts 11 Dec 14 - 10:41 PM
GUEST,# 11 Dec 14 - 10:57 PM
Jim Dixon 14 Dec 14 - 02:26 PM
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Subject: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,Judy Cook
Date: 22 May 02 - 01:45 PM

I'm looking for the author of a song I learned from Mark Gilston. The title is "How To Make Love". It starts: "Do you want your girl to love you? Do you want to be her beau? Well I'll tell you how to do it boys, I'll tell you all I know..."

Judy Cook

ps wonder how many folks were misled & disappointed by the thread subject.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,Bill Kennedy
Date: 22 May 02 - 01:57 PM

finally a thread I know so much about, but then find out it's just about a song! now count off, 1!


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: greg stephens
Date: 22 May 02 - 02:02 PM

Well, back in the 60's I seem to remember.......no,sorry, it's gone


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Joe Offer
Date: 22 May 02 - 02:24 PM

Hmmm. I was just about to change the title of this to a "BS" thread, and I was very relieved to find that it was actually about MUSIC! Bless you, Judy.
Would you like me to change the thread title to "Lyr Req" if you don't get lyrics in a day or so?

A Google search took me to this site, which cites a newspaper ad from 1901:
If you want your girl to love you take her to Worley's for ice cream and soda water.
If you have no girl, take your wife.

No song yet, but I'll keep looking...
I checked Levy Sheet Music, but no luck there.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 May 02 - 02:59 PM

No, don't change the thread title Joe, much more fun this way!


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 May 02 - 03:07 PM

An ounce of understanding
a pinch of reason
any more ingredient - we could be cookin with gas soon....


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Bill D
Date: 22 May 02 - 03:09 PM

well, you COULD write Mark *grin*....he has his own domain name and email...mark@gilston.com

(what? Do things the easy way?..)


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Jeri
Date: 22 May 02 - 03:10 PM

I'll bet Joe's more right than he knows. I seem to remember something about ice cream in the song. (Or maybe it's just that deep down, I believe ice cream is related to everything.)


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Mad4Mud
Date: 22 May 02 - 05:00 PM

When I read this thread title right below it was the thread "How much do you practice." Well, it made me laugh!


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: gnu
Date: 22 May 02 - 05:02 PM

2 ! ... I think... it's been so long... but, like they say, once you learn to ride...


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,Sharon Pattison by proxy
Date: 22 May 02 - 06:12 PM

forget it, just sing her "Lay Lady Lay"


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,proxy
Date: 22 May 02 - 06:13 PM

she told me what to say and I spelled her surname wrong, is most unusually Pattyson. sorry for the excess sends


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: kendall
Date: 22 May 02 - 07:28 PM

Simple. Find out what they like, and give them plenty of it.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,Just Amy
Date: 22 May 02 - 07:42 PM

Greg Stephens - ROTFLMAO


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: p.j.
Date: 22 May 02 - 08:01 PM

Judy Cook! I was just listening to your CD this morning, girlie!

You certainly have a way of insuring that people read your posts, great showwoman that you are.

When you find the lyrics to this one (after sharing them with Dennis, of course) be sure to let us in on the secret. I'll tell Dave I'm awaiting your instructions...

xoxo p.j.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 May 02 - 08:15 PM

To the female of the species, it would start with a handholding walk and then a few hours of snuggling and a few glasses of wine in front of the fire....followed by a few games and tickling as both undress and then spend an hour or so in mutual foreplay and culminate in a prolonged session of coitus. Afterwards bot parties would snuggle in bed with a glass of wine and then drop off into a deep sleep while in each other's embrace.

To the male of the species, it would start with a holler from the den for his wife to drop trou and bend over the kitchen table because he wanted to rip off a piece and grab a couple of beers out of the fridge before halftime was over.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: kendall
Date: 22 May 02 - 09:24 PM

And we Non -sports fans know better!


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Big John
Date: 22 May 02 - 09:37 PM

How do you know you're in love? It's when she wraps her legs around you and she says, "Are you IN, Love?


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Subject: Lyr Add: MANHOOD (Harry Chapin)
From: Lanfranc
Date: 23 May 02 - 03:32 AM

It's not the song requested, but I reckon it says it all!

MANHOOD
by Harry Chapin

I was laughing horizontally
In my loose and lusty youth
I was feeling well self-satisfied
Deliciously uncouth
When she slipped out from my covers
With a smile
Saying, "You've got a lot to learn, dear boy
It's going to take a while."

She said--
Manhood--Means that you should
Get someone else, beside yourself
Feeling good
You know a real man would
Do much more than you could
You know he'd wonder if he
understood me!
I said, "I see, let's start again."
She said, "You know you never can."

She put her clothes back on
She straightened up my bed
She hit me with a line
The still does numbers on my head
She says, "Your mind chooses better
Than your hands do
Your heart chooses better
Than your glands do!"

She said--
Manhood--Means that you should
Get someone else, beside yourself
Feeling good
You know a real man would
Do much more than you could
You know he'd wonder if he
understood me!
I said, "I see, let's start again."
She said, "You know you never can."

So I stood there in my shorts
Feeling naked just the same
With her last few words
I knew I was brand new at the game
She gave her gentle smile
She slipped out through the door
Saying, "You're my first and only love
Just like all my loves before."

She said--
Manhood--Means that you should
Get someone else, beside yourself
Feeling good
You know a real man would
Do much more than you could
You know he'd wonder if he
understood me!
I said, "I see, let's start again."
She said, "You know you never can."

© Copyright 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001 The Harry Chapin Archive.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 23 May 02 - 05:27 PM

I think some of you might be missing the point. If I understand rightly Judy's got the song (and I believe I've heard her sing it on one of her trips to England, and it contains some very entertaining advice) but she's looking for the writer.

Kitty


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,DW at work
Date: 23 May 02 - 06:07 PM

Shoot, I thought you were asking for pointers!

DW


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,Judy Cook
Date: 23 May 02 - 08:00 PM

Yes, Herga Kitty is right. I have the song from Mark and have been singing it on both sides of the Atlantic...and, by the way, I LOVED singing at the Herga.

However, Mark learned it off an old 78rpm recording at a friend's house years ago and does not know who wrote it, nor who did the recording he heard.

Since I am looking for the AUTHOR, LyrReq was not appropriate. Is there an AuthReq label.

Love, Judy


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: hesperis
Date: 24 May 02 - 01:21 AM

Well, gosh, I'd like the lyrics as well as the author.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: michaelr
Date: 24 May 02 - 01:45 AM

Well Judy, are you going to share, or will you keep teasing us?

Michael


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: p.j.
Date: 24 May 02 - 11:46 AM

C'mon Michael, you know you love the tease...

pj


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Subject: Lyr Add: HOW TO MAKE LOVE
From: GUEST,Judy Cook
Date: 24 May 02 - 05:12 PM

Ok, here it is...I'm afraid it might not be what you thought, but I think it's WONDERFUL. By the way, it will be on my third CD "Well Met".

love, Judy Cook

How to Make Love

Mark Gilston got this fine song of detailed advice from an old 78rpm recording he found in a friend's library.

Do you want your girl to love you?
Do you want to be her beau?
Well, I'll tell you how to do it boys.
I'll tell you all I know.
Put on your bib and tucker
And scrub your face real hard.
Part your hair right down the middle, boys,
And slick it down with lard.

Put your derby hat on sideways.
Pull your pegged-up pants up short.
Get a big bow tie on a rubber band
And show her you're a sport
Buy yourself some drug-store perfume
And sprinkle it on your clothes
Just a dime's worth will be plenty, boys,
To tickle her little nose.

Grease your wagon and your harness
And curry your trottin' mare.
Then buy yourself a lasso, boys,
And get you a lady fair.
Tie a ribbon on your buggy whip.
Get a pair of yellow gloves.
Then take her to the county fair
And buy her what she loves.

Tell her she is purtier
Than a movie acteress.
Talk about her purty curls,
And admire her handsome dress.
Get yourself a gold front tooth,
Get a Sears and Roebuck ring.
Buy a double-note harmonica
And learn to play and sing.

Brag about her family.
Her grand-dad and her pap.
And before you know it
She'll be a-settin' on your lap.
Tell her she's so purty
She takes away your breath
And before you know it
She'll be a-huggin' you to death.

Oh but if she will not love you,
Just make her jealous then
Tell her you love somebody else;
That she is just a friend.
Take her out to dances
And flirt with the other girls
Hug 'em close and whisper soft
And give 'em all a whirl.

Laugh out loud with the others
But with your girl don't you speak
And when she comes around you, boys,
Just turn away you cheek.
Just follow these directions
And she will be your wife.
Or else she'll marry somebody else
And hate you all her life!


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: 53
Date: 24 May 02 - 05:19 PM

Bad Company had a huge hit with Feel Like Making Love back in the 70s but I haven't heard the song that you are looking for.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 May 02 - 07:01 PM

Leslie Fish has some apposite negative advice in "Jack the Slob and the Goddess of Love" (_The Incomplete Leslie Fish_, p. 54).


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: p.j.
Date: 24 May 02 - 11:01 PM

Well, well, well... so THAT'S how it's done!

Thanks Judy, we'll be stealing THAT one on the left coast...

pj


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,Judy Cook
Date: 25 May 02 - 09:47 AM

dear pj

well, dennis says it worked for him. (bg)

judy


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,Georgie
Date: 25 May 02 - 02:00 PM

The instructions I had went: 1. IN 2. OUT 3. Repeat 1 and 2 (if necessary).


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Nov 02 - 05:56 PM

Ha! My grandfather used to sing this one as a party-piece. And my Dad used to sing it too but he lost a few verses so by the time it got down to me it was "much reduced" and bastardized. Thanks for the full version. I'll wave in front of my Dad and say, "See? The Internet is good for more than genealogy research!"


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Nov 02 - 06:01 PM

Another one my granddad used to sing was "The Burglar Beau", about a burglar who goes to rob a house, but the old maid who lives there comes in and catches him under her bed, after she takes off her wig, pulls out her glass eye and false teeth. Then she pulls out a pistol and tells him she'll shhot him if he doesn't marry her. Of course the last line is, "Woman for godssake, Shoot!" Haven't seen that one here, but I could probably scare up the lyrics. My Dad actually remembers them.


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE BURGLAR
From: kendall
Date: 27 Nov 02 - 07:33 PM

THE BURGLAR

Did you ever hear of the burglar bold who went to rob a house?
He crept in through the window as quiet as a mouse.
He crept in through the window while the people were asleep,
But he heard a footstep on the stairs and under the bed did creep.

The burglar he crept under the bed and kept quite close to the wall.
If he had known 'twas an old maid's room, he would never have had the gall.
The old maid she came into the room. "How tired I am," she said,
And, thinking that everything was all right, she never looked under the bed.

She took out her teeth and her big glass eye and the wig from the top of her head.
The burglar had 17 kinds of fits as he peeked from under the bed.
From under the bed the burglar crawled and he was a total wreck.
The old maid she jumped out of the bed and grabbed him around the neck.

The old maid never fainted away, but, just as cool as a clam,
Said, "I've been a maid for 50 years. Now, I found myself a man."

A revolver she aimed at the burglar's head and these are the words she said:
"Now, young man, you must marry me or I'll blow off the top of your head."
The burglar was looking around the room, didn't see no place to scoot.
He looked at the wig, and the big glass eye, and he said, "FOR GOD'S SAKE... SHOOT!


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Cluin
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 02:42 AM

um.... yeah, that's it.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 04:52 AM

Kendall/Cluin

Mike Cross does the Old Maid/Burglar on at least one of his more recent CDs, so I guess it's gone commercial now. Any idea about original sources??

John


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: reggie miles
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 05:29 AM

I either, (1)have a copy of this song in my collection here somewhere, (2)have heard it before someplace because it sure sounds familiar, or (3)I should be playing this song. My guess is all three but it's gettin' harder and harder to fire up that last remaining braincell up thar. Oops, there goes another one. Now I have no mind left. If I saw this title I would have bought it, as I normally just go by the title of most 78s I buy. I thought Homer and Jethro might have covered it but no luck there. Maybe I heard a copy of it at Honking Duck.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Schantieman
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 06:38 AM

I'm with Spaw on this!

Steve


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Schantieman
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 06:39 AM

(the female version, that is!)


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 06:45 AM

This is a gift to the old "thread proximity" game..... tee hee


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: HuwG
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 08:44 AM

Don't know about "How to make love", but we all know that "How to Hump" is on the spine of Volume 13 of the Encyclopaedia Britannica ...

;-)


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: kendall
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 09:35 AM

You are welcome Cluin.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 10:01 AM

Interesting to note that the user's manual hasn't been updated much since this advice was written. Some thigns don't change much.

Kendall, your ditty is first cousin to "The Unfortunate Lawyer" song, about the poor lawyer who should have gotten a warranty deed for his wedding night!!
"He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man...."


A


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 07:18 PM

Thanks for the song Judy! So sweet and good and jovial, I would guess that all ages could enjoy it! ttr


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 07:40 PM

Scared me of a forthcoming rhyme when it got to the line with "bib and tucker".


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 07:49 PM

I had a spell deja vu today saw this thread with merely a few posts.
Is this censorship or old back-up files being loaded? My post today is gone, one from May rappeared tonight.

Joe any ideas what is happening.
I was on a library PC then, my own now, logged-in on both. Is this a clue?


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Judy Cook
Date: 28 Nov 02 - 10:24 PM

Well, I have tracked down a bit more on "How To Make Love" (I know you are all glad). It was recorded by the Southern Moonlight Entertainers in the 1920's and is on Yazoo's recent compilation of old '20s recordings, "Times Ain't Like They Used To Be" volume I. This summer I heard it sung by a group called Red Mountain White Trash and they gave me the name of the Southern Moonlight Entertainers. Still don't know who wrote it - but knowing who recorded it in the 1920's is a comfort.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Judy Cook


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Cluin
Date: 30 Nov 02 - 04:03 AM

Did I forget to say "Thanks", kendall? I did. Sorry.

And Thanks.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Richie
Date: 30 Nov 02 - 07:22 AM

"How to Make Love" was first popularized by Carson Robison, I believe in the late 1920's.

-Richie


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Stewie
Date: 30 Nov 02 - 08:28 AM

Judy,

There is no author given in the notes to 'Times Ain't Vol 1', only info on the Southern Moonlight Entertainers. Meade et alia 'Country Music Sources' give no author, but give a reference to pp 160-62 Lillian Gladys Crabtree 'Songs and Ballads Sung in Overton County, Tennessee: A Collection' (MA thesis George Peabody College, Nashville, Tenn, 1936). If you can track down that reference, it may give an author but, if so, it is strange that Meade did not indicate it. The first recording was by Frank Luther in November 1928, Carson Robison recorded it several times beginning in December 1928 and the Southern Moonlight Entertainers recorded it in April 1930 [issued in August 1930 as Vo 5440]. You could try contacting Dr Charles Wolfe through the Tennessee Folklore Society.

--Stewie.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Schantieman
Date: 30 Nov 02 - 10:28 AM

Is this the next TV self-help programme?

S


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: Cluin
Date: 30 Nov 02 - 12:43 PM

No, that is a new one on the Home Improvement Channel.

"Trading Wives". Neighbours sneak in and make love to each others' wives then show the videotapes to both couples and get their reactions.

Be sure to tune in for the Valentine's Day "Trading Wives" marathon. 12 frigging hours straight. Order pizza and gather the kiddies `round.


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: rock chick
Date: 30 Nov 02 - 05:33 PM

FIND a great partner, normally the best way to start, the rest follows, hopefully!

rc


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: GUEST
Date: 24 May 03 - 02:48 PM

Refresh


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Subject: RE: How To Make Love
From: McMusic
Date: 25 May 03 - 04:05 AM

Actually, I tuned in hoping to learn something ;o)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How to Make Love
From: GUEST,Roger Potts
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 10:41 PM

My father-in-law had been singing this song for decades at family gatherings, and may have sung it to his kids when they were young. As far as I know no one knew the title.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How to Make Love
From: GUEST,#
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 10:57 PM

http://markgilston.com/content/songwords-LME.html

Seems it was a song from the 1940s.


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Subject: Lyr Add: HOW TO MAKE LOVE (Luther/Robison)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Dec 14 - 02:26 PM

You can hear this recording at DinosaurDiscs.com:


HOW TO MAKE LOVE
Words by Frank Luther, music by Carson J. Robison, ©1928*
As recorded by Frank Luther and His Pards, on Edison Diamond Disc 52532L (1929)

Do you want your girl to love you? Do you want to be her beau?
Then I'll tell you how to do it, boys; I'll tell you all I know.
Put on your bib and tucker and scrub your face real hard.
Part your hair right in the middle, boys, and slick it down with lard.

Put your derby hat on sideways; pull your peg-top pants up short.
Get a red bow tie on a rubber band and show her you're a sport.
Get yourself some drug-store perfume and sprinkle it on your clothes.
Just a dime's worth will be plenty, boys, to tickle her little nose.

Grease your buggy and your harness and curry your trottin' mare,
Then buy you a purty lap-robe, boys, and get you a lady fair.
Tie a ribbon on your buggy whip; get a pair of yellow gloves,
Then take her to the county fair and buy her what she loves.

Tell her she is purtier than a movie acteress.
Talk about her purty curls, and about her handsome dress.
Get yourself a gold front tooth, and a Sears and Roebuck ring,
A double-note harmonica and learn to play and sing.

Brag about her fam'ly, her grand-dad and her pap,
And before you know it she's a-settin' on your lap.
Tell her she's so purty she takes away your breath,
And before you know it she's a-huggin' you to death.

But if she does not love you, just make her jealous then.
Tell her you love somebody else; that she is just a friend.
Take her out to dances and flirt with the other girls.
Hug 'em close and whisper soft and give 'em all a whirl.

Laugh out loud with the others but to your girl don't you speak,
And when she comes around you, boys, then turn from her your cheek.
Just follow these directions and she will be your wife,
Or else she'll marry somebody else and hate you all her life!


Other early recordings were made by:
Bud & Joe Billings, 1928
Carson Robison, 1929
Southern Moonlight Entertainers, 1930

*from U.S. Catalog of Copyright Entries.


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Mudcat time: 23 September 4:55 AM EDT

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