Song Challenge! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 22 May 02 - 02:10 PM

Hey there, Challenge!rs!!

Been a while, hadn't it? Well, no pain, no gain, as the saying goes. The Challenge! is back and beautiful -- clear skies and fantastic songs are predicted for all. So, come on 'Catters, look under the sofa cushions for your special Challenge! pencils, go sit on the porcelain throne, tear off a piece of paper from the roll, and GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!! ;-)

-- Áine (the Keeper of the Book, recently re-invigorated by her darlin' daughter, Caty, to whom this Challenge! is dedicated. See this thread for details ;-)

(P.S. A great big thanks to Amos for sending me this story, and encouraging me to 'get back in business, damn it!')

Gadzooks, Batman, It's the G-String Gang! Holy Underwear! -- LONDON (Reuters) - Cheeky thieves, dubbed the "G-string Gang" by the British press, made off with thousands of pounds worth of racy underwear after a daylight raid on upmarket lingerie designer Agent Provocateur, a spokesman said on Tuesday.

The central London headquarters of Agent Provocateur, a favorite among celebrities such as Kate Moss and Liz Hurley, was burgled over the weekend by thieves who carried off 27,000 pounds ($40,000) worth of lacy bras, knickers and corsets as well as shoes and jewelry.

"We were all working upstairs when it appears the thieves broke down the front door and managed to steal the collections from the basement," said Agent Provocateur founder Joe Corre.

But the thieves, who got away with the fashion house's new collection, had not made an intelligent choice in targeting such an exclusive boutique, he said.

"The very nature of the designs, being so distinctive, renders them instantly recognizable, making it easier to track the thieves down, whatever they try to do with the collection."

Agent Provocateur is known for its sexy, slinky and expensive designs which include one-off corsets, suspenders, stockings and G-strings. A spokesman for London's Metropolitan Police said the burglary was being investigated but there was no description of the suspects.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 May 02 - 02:22 PM

Instantly recognizable IF the wearer is wearing nothing else! *G*

"Excuse me, miss, I'll have to examine your kickers, it's only routine of course!"

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: MMario
Date: 22 May 02 - 02:41 PM

it's going to be hard to concentrate on this

purely because it's been so long since we had a challenge, of course.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Kim C
Date: 22 May 02 - 03:08 PM

When Britons say knickers, that refers to women's panties in general, regardless of the style? It's difficult to think of G-strings as "knickers"...............

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: MMario
Date: 22 May 02 - 03:11 PM

AGENT PROVOCATUER
(Tune:Fiddlers Green)

I walked by Headquarters one evening so fair
To view all the models in their underwear!
the bras, thongs and corsets designed for a fee
Knickers and teddies and things I shouldn't see

Chorus:
Wrap her up in silk, leather or latex
Cotton, linen, lace or a fur
The better design is just one of kind
And I'll buy one someday......for my favorite girl!

Suspenders and stockings and g-strings galore
Whenever I see them I want to see more
Unmentionable undies way out of my league
The kind that make any man's heart try to seize

chorus

The window is empty, not a model in sight
I nearly keeled over in shock and in fright
My God! What has happened at my favourite store?
To put scads of police tape on window and door?

chorus

Seems thieves they broke in through the door in the front
And stole the designs worth plenty of blunt
Outrageous! Horrendous! The nerve of those thieves!
I tell you I'm really goin' to get peeved!

chorus

Joe Corre, designer at Pro-voc-a-tuer
He says they'll regret that they burgled his store
The black market won't touch things made one of a kind
One look and the cops will know it's one of mine!

chorus

I hope that Joe's brain it is still crankin' out
those kind of designs that will make a man shout
And soon I would hope to review all his stock
Whenever I stroll by on my evening walk

Wrap her up in silk, leather or latex
Cotton, linen, lace or a fur
The better design is just one of kind
And I'll buy one someday......for my favorite girl!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Pseudolus
Date: 22 May 02 - 03:12 PM

OK, I'm a little rusty so be kind.......

They had an idea, a quick way to get rich
Cause the banks were too tough and secure
"What do all women want?", said the man in the front,
"Fancy Things, Lacy Tops, Skimpy drawers"

We'll break down the door, move as fast as we can,
And we'll take everything we can hold
To sell most is best, then we'll give all the rest,
To our ladies though they may get cold

So they planned and they plotted, there thoughts were all blotted
With visions of beauty and cash
And they grabbed and they lifted, through undies they sifted
Until they had all they could stash

But as they were leaving, their lungs were still heaving,
Their getaway they had to find
This stuff we just took, thought the tired old crook
Isn't all of it one of a kind?

The problem they thought was not getting caught
But who would be willing to buy
All the panties and stuff, the lace and the fluff
It made them all want to just cry

So one of them said, we're not using our heads,
Let's just give them to all of our ladies
They packed all the frills, for all of their girls,
Who looked and said, "Go to Hades"

Despite all their haste, it can't go to waste
But what they did next was just wrong
To find all the crooks, you only need look
For a guy walking round in a thong.....

Frank

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 02 - 03:26 PM

ROTFL!! Wow!! Nothing like the ol' TGG touch to make the blooms of talent appear in the spring, tralala!! You guys are off to a great start!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 22 May 02 - 03:35 PM

Yea, what Amos said!! You all are goin' to do just fine -- it's like riding a bike, falling off a log, etc., etc., ain't it?!?

Here are the first two We're Back! B.L.O.B.s (Best Lines O' Bull) awards:

To MMario for his fantastic fury in:

The window is empty, not a model in sight
I nearly keeled over in shock and in fright
My God! What has happened at my favourite store?
To put scads of police tape on window and door?

And to Pseudolus for this brilliant bit of peek-a-boo:

Despite all their haste, it can't go to waste
But what they did next was just wrong
To find all the crooks, you only need look
For a guy walking round in a thong.....


Ain't it just divine!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 02 - 04:03 PM

The Underwear Burglar's Lament

Tune: No Use Fer the Wimmin
(Click to Play)


I got no use for these undies
They're vibrantly sexy with sleaze
And I wouldn't feel right with a teddy
Over cotton BVD's
They're sexy and slim and salacious
They're tempting and naughty and sly
Though the visions they bring are bodacious
It's enough to make me cry!

I had a friend was a minor shoplifter
He was cleaver, immoral and quick
But he talked me into big trouble
With his quick-riches boudoir shtick
Now my flat is stacked high up with fashions
The bras tower over my head
And I can't bring my cute girlfriend over
'Cuz I know she'd cut me dead

These G-strings are no use to a feller;
As supporters, they're really too tight.
And I can't hand them out to the kiddies,
For attaching to their kites
All the girls I know would be offended
And ask what I mean to suggest
If I mailed them a corset for Christmas
So I think I'll move out West.

Yes, I'm bound for the wide open spaces,
Where menfolk know just who they are
And the gals wear ten-gallons and Levis,
Not them see-through bras of stars!
I'll change my name and my country
And out in the Wild West I'll stay
'Cause I'd rather wrassle a rattler,
Than a G-string, any day!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: MMario
Date: 22 May 02 - 04:06 PM

Amos - you are... ... ...well I don't know WHAT you are - but I like it!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 22 May 02 - 05:06 PM

Leo, what Amos is IS fantabeulous -- as are all Challenge!rs, of course! ;-)

I think you all know which verse of Amos' entry gets the B.L.O.B.:

Yes, I'm bound for the wide open spaces,
Where menfolk know just who they are
And the gals wear ten-gallons and Levis,
Not them see-through bras of stars!
I'll change my name and my country
And out in the Wild West I'll stay
'Cause I'd rather wrassle a rattler,
Than a G-string, any day!


(And I'm expecting an MP3 of this tonight, dear BoTF . . .)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 22 May 02 - 06:00 PM

McGrath? McGrath? Are you there? Drop the other shoe--pul-leaze!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 May 02 - 06:18 PM

Maybe it's not really unexpected with an outlaw ballad - it keeps on escaping. I've recaptured it once more, and this should be the end of it.

Come gather round me children, a story you will hear
how Pretty Boy Floyd he paid a call to Agent Provocateur.

It was in the City of London, where the rich and famous throng,
Liz Hurley in her safety pins, and Kate Moss in a thong.

And Pretty Boy came a-calling, and he left his calling card
Saying "I've stripped this place quite naked - I hope you won't take it hard".

And the police they told the papers, in a manner rather coarse,
"We've working on our photofits with the undercover force."

They pulled in the usual suspects, and they put them on parade,
in woolly drawers and G-strings, I am very much afraid.

But the evidence was scanty, and everyone agreed,
that even in the first place it was not a lot to see.

And Pretty Boy went on the run, but he couldn't sell the stuff,
So he had to wear it for himself - for a robber that's real tough.

And there's a poor old farmer woke one night, her's the story that he told
How Pretty Boy came a calling, in an outfit very bold.

"And he left this note behind him, and a parcel for the wife.
And I've not seen the like of it - mind I've led a sheltered life."

Well, as through the world I've rambled, I've seen funny men galore
But an outlaw dressed like Pretty Boy, I've not seen that before.

Yes, as through this world you ramble, and I don't think that I'm wrong,
You'll rarely see an outlaw in a G string and a thong.

[ duplicate messages deleted by (a very confused) mudelf ;-) ]

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 May 02 - 06:19 PM

Sorry about that - don't ask me what happened.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 22 May 02 - 06:27 PM

Whoo-eee, Kevin -- You sure know how to make our heads twirl ;-) . . .

Here's your B.L.O.B. for:

Well, as through the world I've rambled, I've seen funny men galore
But an outlaw dressed like Pretty Boy, I've not seen that before.

Yes, as through this world you ramble, and I don't think that I'm wrong,
You'll rarely see an outlaw in a G string and a thong.


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 02 - 08:38 PM

LOL, Kevin!! I can hear ole Pete singing that his own self!! :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 23 May 02 - 08:30 AM

DON'T WEAR ANY PANTS THAT ARE MADE BY THE CHUCKS!
By Isaac McKittery

Good luck till all here, McKittery's the name
No, I'll not have a sate, thanks a lot all the same
For I've only dropped by and I won't stay for long
I'll just stop for a minute till sing yez a song
I'm normally found in the thread 'bout Drumcree
It's the type of a thread that appeals well till me
For there you'll find boys that are loyal and true
Till the orange and black and the red, white and blue

CHORUS
So here's till the boys from Tanderagee
Who're up till their oxters in glar in Drumcree
I'll sing this wee song, then come back in a flash
Till wear my white gloves and my bowler and sash

I went till Nutts Corner one Sunday of late
The crack till be had at the market is great
I met Kyle from Ahoghill and Derryadd Sam
And we spoke with great fondness of the town by the Bann
Until then round a stall a great crowd we did spy
"What's goin' on there, boy?" says Sammy till I
"Let's have a wee jewk", says I till my crew
And straight till the stall the three of us flew

CHORUS

There wiz knickers and drawers and g-strings and thongs
And all sorts of wonderful carryin'-on
Crotchless and lacy and frilly and sheer
(I imagined the boul' Rhondda decked out in that gear
It made my heart race and my mouth went all dry
Thon image will haunt me right up till I die!)
There was belts for suspenders and bras with no holders
To carry the pendulous paps of their owners

CHORUS

"What is the make of this stuff?" then I asked
When your man whispered till me, I let out a gasp
"Good people of Ulster, don't part with your cash
And buy any of this Republican trash!"
"Republican, how?" Brother Sammy did say
"A look at the label will gave it away …
For these knickers are made in Falls, believe me,
It says PROVO-cateur quite plainly to see!"

CHORUS

Our anger boiled over; we true sons of Bill,
Destroyed every stitch, every ribbon and frill
And trampled the rags into the thick clay
That's the blight of each farmer who farms near Lough Neagh
And we stood as one man when our work it was done
And the songs of our heritage loudly we sung
"The Boyne Water", "The Sash" and "The Magheralin Ducks"
And "Don't Wear Any Pants That Are Made By The Chucks"

CHORUS

duplicated post deleted by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 02 - 11:31 AM

Blow, blow, thou mountain winde!
Yet shall the Folkies make theyre Songe!
O, Christe! that mye Luhve were in mye Armes,
Wearing a Stolene Thonge!

Wisquey Chauser
1179 A.D.

:>)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: MMario
Date: 23 May 02 - 11:45 AM

!

my sides hurt from laughing!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 May 02 - 01:41 PM

Land of the Midnight Fun

The thieves parked their truck at the pawn shop and went in to talk to Big Sam
Who said "man this stuff is way too hot...what kinda merchant do you think that I am?
Now this pink-gartered number's a knock-out, never saw such a sight in my life
And though I can't buy the rest of your stock out, I'll take this as a gift for my wife."

CHO: There were thongs and garters and panties
And silk stockings in dozens of tints
Crotchless and lacy to drive a man crazy
But damn near useless to fence, to fence
They were damn near useless to fence

After visiting numerous hock shops, and just selling one item at a time
The crooks began to reconsider their chosen careers in crime
Until they met with one Robert McGinnis, a bush pilot who would (for some bribes)
Carry a consignment of contraband panties up North to the Inuit Tribes

And far from the madding crowds, and the reach of Scotland Yard's might
Eskimo Men bought their wives lingerie, for comfort on long Arctic nights
And after two years of McGinnis's flights, there was never a glimmer of trouble
And under the glow of the bright Northern Lights, the Tribes' population had doubled.

CHO...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 23 May 02 - 02:17 PM

Derry, derry me, Isaac -- aren't you a randy ol' flute -- I'm quite Tadhgen aback by your entry ;-) Here's your very special Green B.L.O.B. for:

"What is the make of this stuff?" then I asked
When your man whispered till me, I let out a gasp
"Good people of Ulster, don't part with your cash
And buy any of this Republican trash!"
"Republican, how?" Brother Sammy did say
"A look at the label will gave it away …
For these knickers are made in Falls, believe me,
It says PROVO-cateur quite plainly to see!"


And here's your B.L.O.B., dear LEJ, for your properly propogative pearls of prose in:

And far from the madding crowds, and the reach of Scotland Yard's might
Eskimo Men bought their wives lingerie, for comfort on long Arctic nights
And after two years of McGinnis's flights, there was never a glimmer of trouble
And under the glow of the bright Northern Lights, the Tribes' population had doubled


Way to go, Challenge!rs, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 02 - 03:02 PM

Holy Moly!! Nice to hear the old tongues coming out of the woodwork...uh...well..you know what I mean!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 May 02 - 04:40 PM

OH MY GOD! A B.L.O.B.!! I'd like to thank the Academy...I mean, you like me! You really like me! And..er.. what the hell IS a B.L.O.B. anyway?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 23 May 02 - 05:12 PM

B.L.O.B. equals Best Line O' Bull -- just a little incentive the Keeper of the Book gives out during a Challenge! to the outstanding verse(s) in a song . . . chosen by her in a completely arbitrary and prejudiced manner, of course ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 02 - 05:17 PM

LEJ:

Just dust off the old Virtual Mantelpiece and put it up there to make all your relatives proud!! Or I suppose you could take it down to the 'Shack and put it on a shelf over your desk, but the staff would wonder what the hell you were dusting all the time!! LOL

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: JenEllen
Date: 23 May 02 - 05:19 PM

Echo MMario, my sides ache. Good stuff you guys, and thanks Aine for the return of the Challenge. Another 'Thumbody Done Thumbody Wrong Thong' to follow soon.
~J

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 23 May 02 - 05:21 PM

Surely you mean Londonderry Londonderry me!

No surrender!

An lamh dearg abu!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 23 May 02 - 07:31 PM

A Isaac, bí i do thost, a phaiste dana!! Níl mé ach ag magadh ort ;-)

Le meas is mise Áine Rua (bí i do náire, bí i do náire go hiontach...)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: alison
Date: 24 May 02 - 12:07 AM

hey Isaac ... do the boys up the hill know you're bilingual??????

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Deda
Date: 24 May 02 - 12:29 AM

Aine, thank heavens you're back -- I'd have no creative life whatsoever without you. Some would say I haven't much in any case.

Try on this Underwear
(Tune = Take off your thirsty boots, by Eric Anderson)

The girls are wearing boxer shorts
Or boring cotton briefs
From L.L. Bean or other dorks
They've only brought you grief
But the plain white bras, and boxer shorts
Will soon be hid in shame
Once they've put on the lace and silk
It won't come off again

CHORUS: So try on this underwear
And let's see you strut
The diamond-studded wonderbra
Makes you look a high-price slut
And maybe I can sell you one
And maybe I can try
I'm just looking for a bustier
Or a teddy in your size.

I know you're not a model on
The fashion mogul's trail
But even you can bill and coo
And wag a little tail
Try this Givenchy garter belt
And Lauren's fishnet hose
They're bargain basement, priced to sell
From London's finest shows.

(Chorus)

Lace teddies and Stiletto heels
With a little french perfume
Will change the way men look at you
When you walk in a room --
Just do not get too curious
Why it's selling for a song
It's genuine, I swear, although
The label tags are gone.

Chorus.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Deda
Date: 24 May 02 - 12:31 AM

Argh -- last line first verse should be "Once they've put on the lace and silk..." I shouldn't be allowed to copy edit. Well, actually, I'm not.

(don't worry, fixed up by a joeclone)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 02 - 12:40 AM

Whooo!!! Little sister, you're hotter than Stolene Thonge!! LOL!

I love it!! I can hear Peter ,Paul, and Mary doing it in their most sincere voices!

Good work!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: michaelr
Date: 24 May 02 - 01:53 AM

Deda - brilliant! As I was scanning your lyric, in my head I heard your verses to the melody of Bruce Cockburn's "Shipwrecked at the Stable Door" - it works perfectly! (The chorus doesn't, but that's Bruce's fault, nor yours).

Big bravos all around to the other writers, too. Well done!

Cheers,
Michael

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 May 02 - 02:18 AM

PAUL & SILAS

Well, Paul & Silas, bound in jail, all night long (black and lacy)
Oh, Paul & Silas, bound in jail, all night long (red and racy)
Yes, Paul & Silas bound in jail, all night long (wild and cracy)
"But who did deliver this for free?"

Well the jailer brought them contraband, all night long (he was kinky)
Yes the jailer brought them contraband, all night long (tight and slinky)
Oh the jailer brought them contraband, all night long (kinda hinky!)
"But who did deliver this for free?"

Well, they posed like trash and their thunder-thighs roared, all night long (they were dancin'!)
Oh, they posed like trash and their thunder-thighs roared, all night long (they were prancin'!)
Yes, they posed like trash and their thunder-thighs roared, all night long (soul-enhancin'!)
"But who did deliver this for free?"

Well, that old jail just reeled and rocked, all night long (such high fashion!)
Oh, that old jail just reeled and rocked, all night long (silken passion!)
Yes, that old jail just reeled and rocked, all night long (purple satin!)
"But who did deliver this for free?"

So Paul and Silas prayed and prayed, all night long ("where'd it come from?")
Oh, Paul and Silas prayed and prayed, all night long ("lookin' handsome!")
Yes, Paul and Silas prayed and prayed, all night long ("gimme freedom!")
"But who did deliver this for free?"

Well...... (long pause..... then, slow and quiet, it resumes, building steam for a big finish....)

... they heard the answer from on high, all night long ("are ya kiddin'?")
Oh, they heard the answer from on high, all night long ("you bullshittin'?")
Yes they heard the answer from on high, all night long ("you're forgettin'!")
"Deliverin'!? Why, that's My specialty!"

~S~

duplicate post deleted by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 24 May 02 - 05:56 AM

alison

Sure, aren't all of us boys on the hill bi-lingual (in the sense that we spake wi' forked tongues ...)?

Isaac

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: MMario
Date: 24 May 02 - 08:37 AM

I'd say the womenfolk are burning up the wires with their contributions! WOW!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 02 - 08:40 AM

This has gotto be a Mudcat First~ An Underwear Spiritual!! LOL!!!

Now all we need to do is develop Spirichyooal Undies! (OHM BVD's!)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: MMario
Date: 24 May 02 - 09:49 AM

perhaps she should get a SACREDCOWCHIP?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 24 May 02 - 10:32 AM

Dear Deda (aka one very creative lil' sister, anytime of the day!), here's your well earned B.L.O.B. for your hirsute hilarity in:

The girls are wearing boxer shorts
Or boring cotton briefs
From L.L. Bean or other dorks
They've only brought you grief
But the plain white bras, and boxer shorts
Will soon be hid in shame
Once they've put on the lace and silk
It won't come off again


And to Weezie, a B.L.O.B. for this fantastic fit o' fantasy (and boy howdy, was it hard to pick from such a great song!):

Well, they posed like trash and their thunder-thighs roared, all night long (they were dancin'!)
Oh, they posed like trash and their thunder-thighs roared, all night long (they were prancin'!)
Yes, they posed like trash and their thunder-thighs roared, all night long (soul-enhancin'!)
"But who did deliver this for free?"


Keep it up (and keep it on!), Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 May 02 - 10:53 AM

*G*

I don't think I can sing that one in church any time soon (the original!!). "Black & lacy" is SO much more interesting than "hallelujah!" I'm afraid it may slip ut when I'm not paying attention!

Of course the alternative is really scary-- "Keep your hands on the thong, hold on!"

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Deda
Date: 24 May 02 - 11:15 AM

Yikes -- I hadn't had time to read the other entries before I submitted mine, now I'm at my office giggling and grinning for no apparent reason. (At least, I hope it's not too apparent, I'm in trouble enough as it is.) These are all so great. Aine, this goes down on your public service record -- creating and presiding over a forum for this much fun. (YEEE haw)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 24 May 02 - 04:49 PM

To the tune of "The Charladies' Ball" as sung by Frank Harte on ""Daybreak and a Candle-End"

THE UNDERWEAR HAUL
You may talk of your lingerie, wee clothes and undies
Your bras and your knickers, your garters and all
But wait till I tell you of the gas that we had
On the night that we came on the underwear haul
It was down by the docks, that we found a big box
"Shall we have a wee look-see" says I to my mate
The stuff that we spied as we both looked inside
"Oh mother of God" says herself "This is great!"

At the underwear haul, people said one and all
You're the belle of the ball, Mrs Brannigan
There was peephole and crotchless (thank God they were spotless)
And some that I'll never have on again, bedad
There was lacy frillies and leopard-print
And some that would scarce fit a doll!
And some had no back ... just a string up your bum-crack
The night that we came on the underwear haul

There was some that were tiny and some that were shiny
The sort of oul' yokes that might dampen your bush
There's some you might wear and your oul' derriere
Might be damn near bare and might make your man blush
There was zips, aye and straps and to cup your oul' baps
Some underwired yoke that fair gave me a lift
If my man caught an eyeful of me in this trifle
He'd be asking, no doubt, if I fancied a shift!

At the underwear haul, people said one and all
You're the belle of the ball, Mrs Brannigan
There was eyelets and poppers (I near came a cropper)
And some that I'll never have on again, bedad
There was lacy frillies and leopard-print
And some that would scarce fit a doll!
And some, truth be toul' wouldn't keep out much coul'
The night that we came on the underwear haul

There was some that were see-through and some that were pee-through
On account of the fact that their gusset was split
"That's handy!" said Mandy "When you're feeling randy
You lift up your skirt and for duty you're fit!"
There was knickers in leather, I'm sure they won't weather
I like to have things that will wash - don't we all
So when all's said and done, it was quare bloody fun
But I'd rather my oul' drawers than the underwear haul

At the underwear haul, people said one and all
You're the belle of the ball, Mrs Brannigan
There was satin and ribbons (they were gorgeous, no fibbing!)
And some that I'll never have on again, bedad
There was lacy frillies and leopard-print
And some that would scarce fit a doll!
It was gas for a while, but give me the oul' style
Than all that weird gear in the underwear haul

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Deda
Date: 24 May 02 - 04:59 PM

Yow, Derry - that's brilliant! LOL, LOL -- and I actually am, good thing it's Friday before a long w/end and there's no one around. Lovely to get the Challenges and Challengers back, huzzah!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 02 - 05:36 PM

Derry's back in golden form!! Way to go, lad!! Just (as the Yanks say) WUNNERFUL.

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Bradypus
Date: 24 May 02 - 07:55 PM

Brilliant, Derry.

I'm feeling out of practice, but here goes:

Secret Agent Provocateur

I'm your local secret agent –
Agent Provocateur
And a tale I've got to tell you
So listen well, for sure
A tale to make you laugh
And not to make you cry
To bring a smile onto your lips
A twinkle to your eye.

Now here's my cover story
I've set up as a shop
Where local lads and lasses
Are likely for to stop
It's not just for the locals
They come from west and east
For we please all the senses
And give the eyes a feast

You can keep Victoria's Secret
And Janet Reger's tame
When you see the stuff we're stocking
The rest don't seem the same
Now I'm sure you've guessed my story
I've dropped hints so you can see
That my undercover story
Sells the finest lingerie

There are arab sheikhs who buy stuff
To kit out their harems
There are kings from foreign countries
Who like to dress their queens
Russian spies have honey traps
And gangsters have their molls
They all love our bras, suspender belts
and lacy baby dolls

Last week our stock was stolen
Thieves made off with a lot
Of Basques and lacy knickers
And other stuff that's hot
They came, they saw, they liked it
They made off in their van
And me a secret agent –
We'll catch them if we can

But catching will prove easy
Like falling off a log
No need to call on Scotland Yard
To search with bloodhound dog
I'll tell you why I'm certain
The stock will all be found
You see every bra was underwired –
Wired up for sound!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: MMario
Date: 24 May 02 - 08:22 PM

ROFLMAO!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 02 - 08:28 PM

LOL, Brady!! Like TGG said, it's like riding a bicycle!

A.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 26 May 02 - 10:26 AM

I noticed that you all had let this one slip off the 24-hour thread list . . . for shame . . . so, besides giving out a couple more B.L.O.B.s, I'm going to be tempting you with a bodacious blast from the past that ties in with this Challenge! Does anyone remember this golden oldie???

As to the B.L.O.B.s, here's one for you, derrymacash, for this hilarious description of the high-fashion hiney hiders:

At the underwear haul, people said one and all
You're the belle of the ball, Mrs Brannigan
There was peephole and crotchless (thank God they were spotless)
And some that I'll never have on again, bedad
There was lacy frillies and leopard-print
And some that would scarce fit a doll!
And some had no back ... just a string up your bum-crack
The night that we came on the underwear haul


And to my darlin' Bradypus, for this daring-do of double entendre:

But catching will prove easy
Like falling off a log
No need to call on Scotland Yard
To search with bloodhound dog
I'll tell you why I'm certain
The stock will all be found
You see every bra was underwired –
Wired up for sound!


Brilliant, you guys -- Keep 'em waving (as in check out the golden oldie thread),

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 26 May 02 - 11:12 AM

Dang, I had forgotten all about that Blue Minks song -- it qualifies for the "Rewriting the Boomer Songs" thread, too! :>)

Tell ya what, TGG -- it's clear these Challenges have only gotten better over the years!!

LOL!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: GUEST,Johnny Cash
Date: 27 May 02 - 08:00 AM

I admit it, folks!

I burgled the underwear shop.

FOLSOM PRISON BLUES #679

I hear those frillies rustling; they drive me round the bend
I ain't wore no lacy briefs since Lord I don't know when
I'm stuck in Folsom Prison; time keeps dragging on
Those people wearing g-strings; I'm in plain long johns

When I was a baby, my mama told me "Son
Always be a good boy, don't wear satin next your bum"
But I wore some silky tangas, I wondered how they'd feel
And now I've graduated to wearing kitten heels

I'll bet there's rich folks wearing Janet Reger next their flesh
I'll bet they'd blow a gasket if they thought that Johnny Cash
Hankered after Gossard, and other lingerie
Like those fancy folks are wearing, and that's what tortures me

If I was out of prison, if they let me out this cell
I'd take a trip to gay Paree, and in some cheap hotel
I'd slip into some lacies, some swanky lan-jer-ay
And I'd let that silky smoothness blow my blues away

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: CapriUni
Date: 27 May 02 - 02:38 PM

Refresh, and a promise threat

Heh!

These are all good songss (okay, Great!) But since TGG Herself discovered the healing benefits of "going bare below" back in January, I'm kinda surprised that all the songs have been in praise of undies, and none in protest against them...

I guess that means it's my turn to take the challenge...

I Vill be Bahk!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 May 02 - 02:46 PM

I think JenEllen is "Johnny Cash." (Can I hear an Amen?)

If not, Guest Johnny Cash, unmask thyself! I want to keep an eye out for your stuff in future! That was REALLY GOOD!

~Susan

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 02 - 03:09 PM

LOL!!! Johnny-me-girl, that was first rate!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: DonD
Date: 27 May 02 - 09:13 PM

I'm sore dismayed! I wrote a song for the challenge, but when I submitted it, it just disappeared! And I wrote it right here so that I don't have a copy; I doubt that this recreation will be half as good.

THE STORE WAS FULL OF MARVELS
(The Banks Are Made of Marble)

I've pilfered cross this sceptered isle,
John O'Groats down to Land's End.
Things of all kinds, would blow your mind
If laid out end to end.

But small stuff began to bore me
I wante one big score
So that when wealth came, I'd earn my fame,
Then I heard of Agent Provocateur.

CHORUS:

'Tis a store that's full of marvels,
Satin bras and lace-trimmed drawers,
Suspender belts of exotic pelts
That a Playboy reader would adore.

Breaking in was easy
Flimsy frou-frous filled our lorry;
A scarlet bustier was making me lustier
Which means never having to say you're sorry!

Back at the flat we sorted the loot,
Found no two bits alike.
But we found it tough to fence the stuff
And were told to take a hike.

CHORUS

So here we sit midst naughty bits
Looking forward to being Yuletide Santys
Whose ambitious folly produced no lolly
Hope our girlfriens like split-crothed panties.

So wide boys and burglars all
Of one thing you can be sure:
You may polish your knob but you won't make a bob
At Agent Provacteur!

CHORUS


line breaks fixed by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 02 - 10:23 PM

Hahahaha!! I lov e it, DonD!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 29 May 02 - 04:23 PM

That was a real hoot, Guest Johnny Cash!! Here's your B.L.O.B. for this 'catty' verse:

When I was a baby, my mama told me "Son,
Always be a good boy, don't wear satin next your bum"
But I wore some silky tangas, I wondered how they'd feel
And now I've graduated to wearing kitten heels


And here's a Golden B.L.O.B. for DonD! How could this verse not have earned such, what with the fantastic internal rhymes and 'flashy' alliteration!:

Breaking in was easy
Flimsy frou-frous filled our lorry;
A scarlet bustier was making me lustier
Which means never having to say you're sorry!


Way to Go, Challenge!rs!! Yee-haw!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: ard mhacha
Date: 29 May 02 - 04:57 PM

C`Mon, You mean you don`t know that Johnny Cash man, sure I bet a pound it`s the one and only Derrymacash. Ard Mhacha.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 29 May 02 - 05:13 PM

G'wan witcha!! Derrymacash wouldna know a kitten heel from a pudding!! LOL!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Genie
Date: 30 May 02 - 01:23 AM

Welcome back, Áine!

I couldn't take time for this Challenge! until after the NW Folklife Festival, and I haven't read the other entries yet (except titles), so here's my humble offering. (I say "humble" because it's extremely derivative of the Winter Wonderland parody sung (and written?) by Bob Rivers. I also took the liberty of presuming to know the thieves' gender and motive.)

Genie §;- )

Walkin' Off With Women's Underwear
Tune: Winter Wonderland - Smith / Bernard, 1934
Parody lyrics by Genie (with insincere aplogies to Bob Rivers

Sirens wail, and I'm list'nin'.
On my brow, sweat is glist'nin'.
They're hot on our tail, but we ain't been nailed
Walkin' Off With Women's Underwear.

Gone away are the boxers,
And those drab cotton dockers,
I clutch my new thong, as we sneak along,
Walkin' Off With Women's Underwear

(bridge)
Lacy undies make me feel so naughty
Make my "glutes' and 'pecs" feel, oh, so sweet!
I love to feel 'em on my manly body
And give myself a wedgie for a treat!

Bustiers, bras and corsets
Fit so tight I gotta force it,
But it gives me a high
Havin' lace on my thigh,
So, I'm Walkin' Off With Women's Underwear.

Instrumental Break

Agent Provocateur's a
Maker of haute couture, so
We're clever enough
To be pinchin' their stuff
And Walkin' Off With Women's Underwear

Katie Moss and Liz Hurley
Are such cute little girlies,
But wait till you see
Bubba and me
Modelling our 'hot' new underwear!

(2nd bridge)
On our privates, no more plain old cotton,
Engineered for stodgy Parson Brown.
Folks say, "Are you married?"
I think, "Not!" -- When
I can do the job myself in silken gowns!"

Trouble is, when we wear 'em,
Struttin' like a Sultan's harem,
It's hard to conceal
That these bras were 'a steal'
When we walked off with the women's underwear.

line correction made per request by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Genie
Date: 30 May 02 - 02:53 AM

Oops!
NON-RHYMING INFRACTION!

The first couplet should've been changed to:
"Sirens wail, I can hear 'em.
On my brow, sweat is glist'nin'. "

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 May 02 - 02:57 AM

Do you mean "Sirens wail, and I'm list'nin' "?

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Genie
Date: 30 May 02 - 04:20 AM

Yes, Ma'am. How the heck did THAT happen, Suze?! I coulda SWORN I posted what you just posted, as my correction!!

Thanks for correcting my 'correction!' (I gotta hit the sack...)

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Genie
Date: 30 May 02 - 05:43 PM

Aisle Of Lingerie
Parody of "Isle of Innisfree," based on "The Lake Isle Of Innisfree" by William Butler Yeats; tune: "Dreams of Alwyn"

I've met some folks who say that I'm a lecher,
And I've no doubt that what the say is right,
But, sure, a bloke is bound to be a lecher
With ladies' wearing things so sheer and tight.

And frilly undies set my heart a beatin'.
They take me where me fancy loves to play,
Especially when they're silk and have no seat in.
That's why I filched that Aisle Of Lingerie.

And when the moon is peeping through the panties
Of some fair damsel, on a windy day,
To cop a feel is all that I am after.
I'm once again seduced by lingerie.


I dream of ladies' dreamy mounds and valleys--
A luscious piece no man could e'er forego.
I love those 'birds' whose knickers fit so tightly
I get the shivers and my juices flow.

So searching for that precious stock I wandered;
"Provocateur's" storeroom I did behold.
The thongs and bustiers and bras I gathered,
And all the teddies that my arms could hold.

But, oh, alas, my dreams must be forgotten,
I dare not sell or give these things away,
Lest they should trace the footprints of my bold lust,
Still I'll enjoy my Aisle of Lingerie. (repeat last line)


typo corrected by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 02 - 07:53 PM

Brava, Genie!! You sure captured the Bold Lustalier viewpoint well!! :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 30 May 02 - 08:02 PM

Genie - two hurt-my-sides-laughing entries!! Here are your B.L.O.B.s for these titillating tidbits:

Lacy undies make me feel so naughty
Make my "glutes' and 'pecs" feel, oh, so sweet!
I love to feel 'em on my manly body
And give myself a wedgie for a treat!

AND

And frilly undies set my heart a beatin'.
They take me where me fancy loves to play,
Especially when they're silk and have no seat in.
That's why I filched that Aisle Of Lingerie.


Fan-fanny-tastic!! ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Genie
Date: 31 May 02 - 04:11 PM

Shuck, 'twarn't nuthin'.

BTW, I meant to post a note telling all you other folks--Deda, Derry, Amos, Susan-- heck, ALL of youse!--what a riot your poetic musing are, but I accidentally posted my last entry over it, instead of below it. So, anyway, my belated kudos to you all!

(and I HAVE ROTFLMFAO!)

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Genie
Date: 01 Jun 02 - 12:10 AM

Amos, your verse about handing out g-strings to the kiddies to attach to their kites or mailing them to girls for Christmas is "sheer" lunacy!

BTW, Susan, your lingerie spiritual is downright uplifting!

Derry, you're in exquisite form with:
"There was some that were see-through and some that were pee-through
On account of the fact that their gusset was split.
"That's handy!" said Mandy "When you're feeling randy
You lift up your skirt and for duty you're fit!"

Genie §;-D

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Genie
Date: 02 Jun 02 - 01:30 AM

You folks probably already caught this boo-boo, but [due to an overreaching computer "replace" command, no doubt] Yeats's poem title turned into "The Lake Aisle of Lingerie" instead of "The Lake Isle of Innisfree."

I don't suppose there's a Joe Clone lurking nearby who can correct it, is there? If not, I hope the readers see the humor in the screw-up!

[W.B., old boy, if you're turning over in your grave, my deepest apologies!]

Genie

typo corrected by mudelf per request ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: Áine
Date: 03 Jun 02 - 06:30 PM

Here you go, Challenge!rs -- The well-earned officially gilded and tossed Chips for your virtual mantels. What a great bunch of songs to 'restart' the Song Challenge! off with. Be on the lookout for Challenge! 82 . . . coming to your neighborhood very, very soon (hehehe):


Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Land Of The Midnight Fun by Lonesome EJ
The Underwear Burglar's Lament by Amos

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Agent Provocatuer by MMario
Aisle Of Lingerie by Genie
Folsum Prison Blues #679 by Guest, Johnny Cash
Secret Agent Provocateur by Bradypus
What Women Want by Pseudolus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

Don't Wear Any Pants That Are Made By The Chucks! by Isaac McKittery (a/k/a derrymacash)
The Underwear Haul by derrymacash
Walkin' Off With Women's Underwear by Genie

Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Paul And Silas by WYSIWYG
The Store Was Full Of Marvels by DonD
Try On This Underwear by Deda

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Pretty Boy And Agent Provocateur by McGrath of Harlow


Way to Go, Challenge!rs!!! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 81 (We're Back!!)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Jun 02 - 06:45 PM

A Mmemorial?

~S~