Folk songs appropriate for medical students

Subject: Lyr Add: PILLS (Leon Rosselson)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 25 Apr 23 - 12:41 AM

I wonder if this is the song that Susanne (skw) had in mind when she mentioned “Pills” on 28 Jun 02. She said it was by Adam McNaughtan, but this one seems to be written by Leon Rosselson.


PILLS
As recorded by Leon Rosselson on “Temporary Loss of Vision,” 1983.

It was on a Monday morning; I was tired, my head was turning,
And I couldn’t face the thought of going back to work and so,
I paid a visit to the doctor and he gave me the once over,
Said: “Don’t worry; we’ll soon have you on the go.

CHORUS: “You need pills, pills, pills and pills, pills to take the pain away.
Just swallow two three times a day; you’ll be as good as new,
And we’ve got pills to make you happy, pills to pep you up and calm you down,
It’s magic what a pill can do.”

So I took the dose as ordered and my energy was restored,
But I was twitching, I was itching, couldn’t keep my body still,
So I twitched right back to see the quack. “Ah, yes,” he said, “we’ll soon cure that.
I’ll just prescribe another little pill.” CHORUS

Well, the twitching soon subsided, then I couldn’t [raise?] my eyelids.
I was dozy, droopy, drowsy; I asked the doctor why.
He just took a little look at his new multi-colored book,
And then he shook me from my slumber with a cry. CHORUS

Now my cupboard’s overflowing with the pills that keep me going.
I’ve got yellow, pink and orange ones; I can’t think what they’re for,
But they look so reassuring, I suppose they must be curing me.
I wonder how I ever coped before. CHORUS: Without pills….

Now the drug firms are delighted and they say I should be knighted
’Cause I keep their profits healthy and they’ve got a super plan
To launch a major operation to present me to the nation
As a fully working model of a well-adjusted man. CHORUS

- - -
This song is also on Rosselson’s “Guess What They’re Selling at the Happiness Counter,” 1992. It was also recorded by The McCalmans on "Festival Lights," 1995.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE NIGHTSHIFT BLUES
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 24 Apr 23 - 05:54 PM

This is one I wrote, back in the day when I had to go out all hours of the day and night......Back when we had a Doctors' Cooperative in West Lothian in the 2000s. Hopefully no confidentiality breached but all true stories! (NHS 24 was what followed on from the local Drs' cooperatives, and still exists today)

THE NIGHTSHIFT BLUES                                                Author: TS 24.10.05.
Last night shift done on 26.09.04.

Well at four in the morning, we got a shout,
Said, “Wake up driver and take me out”
On the night-shift baby, woo-hoo, on the night-shift baby, woo-oo-hoo,
On the night shift baby and I just can’t get no rest.

Goin’ to the far Wild West of the neighbourhood,
Gotta be Stoneyburn, ain’t so good, on the night-shift baby, etc

Next time out we go to see a fine lady,
Got this wracking cough and it’s drivin’ her crazy, on the night-shift baby, etc
She’s a-shiverin’ and a-shakin’ all over her body
Tell her she should brew herself a big hot toddy, on the night-shift baby, etc

Well the kid’s got a fever, and they won’t bring him out
“We got no transport” down the phone they shout, on the night-shift baby, etc
There’s three cars on the drive but no wheels and no tax
And the sick kid’s tucking into Snak-a-Jacks, on the night-shift baby, etc

Then we came to the house of a little old man
His piles had been a-bleedin’ all over the pan, on the night-shift baby, etc
So I went to the freezer for some Birds Eye peas-a
Said “Sit on these, they should give you some ease-a”, on the night-shift baby, etc

There’s a fella lookin’ lost but he don’t look so sick,
Says his wife’s in labour, I gotta be quick, on the night-shift baby, etc,
Driver says “Follow Me”, his green light’s a-flashin’
But the lady’s already in the labour ward pushin’, on the night-shift baby, etc

I got my stethoscope, (audience repeat),         I got my bag of dope, (audience repeat)
Got my bottle of Calpol   “          “                  Got my handy scalpel   “                “
Got my mobile phone,                                       With its cool ringtone
Got my glucose meter                                To see if you’re sweeter
Got my reflex hammer                        Got my Polaroid camera
Got my digital thermometer                        Got my cardiac monitor
Got my nebuliser                                Got my oxygen analyser
Got my defibrillator                                Got my resuscitator
So the car boot’s full and I just can’t get no rest

Now we’re back into base, gotta sleep on the floor,
Since they broke the camp beds we ain’t got no more, on the night-shift baby, etc

If you ain’t got a badge you can’t get thro’ the door
So I ain’t signing up to NHS 24, on the night-shift baby, etc

And the sun’s coming up and I just ain’t, just ain’t………………………………….. had no rest.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOCTOR (Loudon Wainwright III)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Apr 23 - 04:00 PM

This was mentioned by Fossil_at_home on 27 Jun 02. I found the lyrics online and then checked them against the recording on Spotify. (I had to rearrange the line breaks so that the rhymes would come at the end of each line; why don’t people bother with this?) Words in parentheses are spoken ad lib by Wainwright.


THE DOCTOR
As recorded by Loudon Wainwright III on “History,” 1991.

I went to the doctor and the doctor said: "Son,
You look older than me, and I'm seventy-one.
You're falling apart and not living right.”
I went to the doctor and the doctor said: "Loud,
You've got to stop hanging out with that olden crowd.
Living's a battle and you're losing the fight.”

I went to the doctor and the doctor said: "Boy,
Your body is a temple; it's not a toy.
Fill up this here paper cup and give it to the nurse. (Don't spill it, now.)
I went to the doctor and the doctor said: "Friend,
This should be the middle but it could be the end.
You better get better or else you're gonna get worse.”

Oh, I went to the doctor.
Oh, I went to the doctor.

I went to the doctor and the doctor said: "Sir,
We got back the x-ray; everything's a blur.
It's all positive; that's what every single test shows.”
I went to the doctor and the doctor said: "Kid,
It was something that you ate or drank or something that you did,
And it's all in your head and it's spreadin’ on down to your toes.”

(Let's spread it around a little bit now.)

[Instrumental break with harmonica taking the melody]

Oh, I went to the doctor. (Everybody does.)
Oh, I went to the doctor.

I went to the doctor and the doctor said: "Please,
Get on down to the drug store and pick up some of these.
After that, get on home and get into your bed.”
I went to the doctor and the doctor said: "Shucks!
That's just about all; you owe me three hundred bucks,
And you can call me in the morning, that is, if you're not dead.”

[Pause. It sounds as if the song has ended, but then...]

(2, 3, 4... )
Oh, I went to the doctor. (I was checkin’ up on you.)
Oh, I went to the doctor.

Subject: Lyr Add: DOCTOR FEEL-GOOD (W.Perryman/'Piano Red')
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Apr 23 - 03:16 PM

This is the song I quoted on 16 Feb 00 and mentioned again the next day. Today I found it on YouTube and transcribed it.


DOCTOR FEEL-GOOD
(C. Smith)
As recorded by Dr. Feelgood* and the Interns on Okeh 4-7144 (45-rpm), 1962. [YouTube]

Hey, all o’ you women—now, don’t come around
Unless you weigh—around four hundred pound.
I’m from way down home—and I don’t eat chine bone.

You got to be—all right with me
Because the doctor—is really hard to please.

Now, you talk about women—I love ‘em all.
I love ‘em big—and then I love ‘em tall.
But if you don’t weigh what I want, baby—don’t come around at all.

You got to be—all right with me
Because the doctor—is really hard to please.

Now, you talk about women—I love ‘em all.
I love ‘em big—and then I love ‘em tall.
If you don’t weigh what I want, baby—don’t come around at all.

Well, they call me the doctor (Oh, yeah!) in my neighborhood (Oh, yeah!)
But my baby she calls me (Oh, yeah!) oh, Doctor Feelgood (Oh, yeah!)
Oh, you ever feel good? (Oh, yeah!) Have you ever felt good? (Oh, yeah!)

Well, you talk about women. (Oh, yeah!) That’s all I crave. (Oh, yeah!)
I believe, I believe (Oh, yeah!) they gonna take me to my grave. (Oh, yeah!)
Good, good, good, good, good, good. (Oh, yeah!) So good. (Oh, yeah!)
So good. (Oh, yeah!) Good, good, good, good, good, good. (Oh, yeah!) FADE.

- - -
* Pseudonym of Willie Lee Perryman, a.k.a. Piano Red [Wikipedia].
Other recordings, made later than 1962, feature Perryman playing barrelhouse piano:
From “Dr. Feelgood” 1980. [Spotify]
From “Dr. Feelgood” 2000. [Spotify]
From “The Lost Atlanta Tapes,” 2010. [Spotify]

Subject: Lyr Add: THE SURGEON’S WARNING (Robert Southey)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Apr 23 - 09:30 PM

The third poem mentioned by John Moulden.

From Poems, Vol. 2, by Robert Southey, (London: T. N. Longman and O. Rees, 1799), pages 163-173:


THE SURGEON’S WARNING.
By Robert Southey

The Doctor whispered to the Nurse
And the Surgeon knew what he said,
And he grew pale at the Doctor’s tale
And trembled in his sick bed.

Now fetch me my brethren and fetch them with speed
The Surgeon affrighted said,
The Parson and the Undertaker,
Let them hasten or I shall be dead.

The Parson and the Undertaker
They hastily came complying,
And the Surgeon’s Prentices ran up stairs
When they heard that their master was dying.

The Prentices all they entered the room
By one, by two, by three,
With a sly grin came Joseph in,
First of the company.

The Surgeon swore as they enter’d his door,
’Twas fearful his oaths to hear,—
Now send these scoundrels to the Devil,
For God’s sake my brethren dear.

He foam’d at the mouth with the rage he felt
And he wrinkled his black eye-brow,
That rascal Joe would be at me I know,
But zounds let him spare me now.

Then out they sent the Prentices,
The fit it left him weak,
He look’d at his brothers with ghastly eyes,
And faintly struggled to speak.

All kinds of carcasses I have cut up,
And the judgment now must be—
But brothers I took care of you,
So pray take care of me!

I have made candles of infants fat
The Sextons have been my slaves,
I have bottled babes unborn, and dried
Hearts and livers from rifled graves.

And my Prentices now will surely come
And carve me bone from bone,
And I who have rifled the dead man’s grave
Shall never have rest in my own.

Bury me in lead when I am dead,
My brethren I intreat,
And see the coffin weigh’d I beg
Lest the Plumber should be a cheat.

And let it be solder’d closely down
Strong as strong can be I implore,
And put it in a patent coffin,
That I may rise no more.

If they carry me off in the patent coffin
Their labour will be in vain,
Let the Undertaker see it bought of the maker
Who lives by St. Martin’s lane.

And bury me in my brother’s church
For that will safer be,
And I implore lock the church door
And pray take care of the key.

And all night long let three stout men
The vestry watch within,
To each man give a gallon of beer
And a keg of Holland’s gin;

Powder and ball and blunder-buss
To save me if he can,
And eke five guineas if he shoot
A resurrection man.

And let them watch me for three weeks
My wretched corpse to save,
For then I think that I may stink
Enough to rest in my grave.

The Surgeon laid him down in his bed,
His eyes grew deadly dim,
Short came his breath and the struggle of death
Distorted every limb.

They put him in lead when he was dead
And shrouded up so neat,
And they the leaden coffin weigh
Lest the Plumber should be a cheat.

They had it solder’d closely down
And examined it o’er and o’er,
And they put it in a patent coffin
That he might rise no more.

For to carry him off in a patent coffin
Would they thought be but labour in vain,
So the Undertaker saw it bought of the maker
Who lives by St. Martin’s lane.

In his brother’s church they buried him
That safer he might be,
They lock’d the door and would not trust
The Sexton with the key.

And three men in the vestry watch
To save him if they can,
And should he come there to shoot they swear
A resurrection man.

And the first night by lanthorn light
Thro’ the church yard as they went,
A guinea of gold the sexton shewed
That Mister Joseph sent.

But conscience was tough, it was not enough
And their honesty never swerved,
And they bade him go with Mister Joe
To the Devil as he deserved.

So all night long by the vestry fire
They quaff’d their gin and ale,
And they did drink as you may think
And told full many a tale.

The second night by lanthorn light
Thro’ the church-yard as they went,
He whisper’d anew and shew’d them two
That Mister Joseph sent.

The guineas were bright and attracted their sight
They look’d so heavy and new,
And their fingers itch’d as they were bewitch’d
And they knew not what to do.

But they waver’d not long for conscience was strong
And they thought they might get more,
And they refused the gold, but not
So rudely as before.

So all night long by the vestry fire
They quaffd their gin and ale,
And they did drink as you may think
And told full many a tale.

The third night as by lanthorn light
Thro’ the church-yard they went,
He bade them see and shew’d them three
That Mister Joseph sent.

They look’d askance with eager glance,
The guineas they shone bright,
For the Sexton on the yellow gold
Let fall his lanthorn light.

And he look’d sly with his roguish eye
And gave a well-tim’d wink,
And they could not stand the sound in his hand
For he made the guineas chink.

And conscience late that had such weight,
All in a moment fails,
For well they knew that it was true
A dead man told no tales,

And they gave all their powder and ball
And took the gold so bright,
And they drank their beer and made good cheer,
’Till now it was midnight.

Then, tho’ the key of the church door
Was left with the Parson his brother,
It opened at the Sexton’s touch—
Because he had another.

And in they go with that villain Joe
To fetch the body by night,
And all the church look’d dismally
By his dark lanthorn light.

They laid the pick-axe to the stones
And they moved them soon asunder,
They shovell’d away the hard-prest clay
And came to the coffin under.

They burst the patent coffin first
And they cut thro’ the lead,
And they laugh’d aloud when they saw the shroud
Because they had got at the dead.

And they allowed the Sexton the shroud
And they put the coffin back,
And nose and knees they then did squeeze
The Surgeon in a sack.

The watchmen as they past along
Full four yards off could smell,
And a curse bestowed upon the load
So disagreeable.

So they carried the sack a-pick-a-back
And they carv’d him bone from bone,
But what became of the Surgeon’s soul
Was never to mortal known.

Subject: Lyr Add: JACK HALL (Thomas Hood)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Apr 23 - 08:36 PM

This poem was also mentioned by John Moulden, and it appears on pages 99-109 of the same volume cited above.


JACK HALL
By Thomas Hood

’Tis very hard when men forsake
This melancholy world, and make
A bed of turf, they cannot take
A quiet doze,
But certain rogues will come and break
Their “bone repose.”

’Tis hard we can’t give up our breath,
And to the earth our earth bequeath,
Without Death Fetches after death,
Who thus exhume us;
And snatch us from our homes beneath,
And hearths posthumous.

The tender lover comes to rear
The mournful urn, and shed his tear—
Her glorious dust, he cries, is here!
Alack! alack!
The while his Sacharissa dear
Is in a sack!

’Tis hard one cannot lie amid
The mould, beneath a coffin-lid,
But thus the Faculty will bid
Their rogues break thro’ it!
If they don’t want us there, why did
They send us to it?

One of these sacrilegious knaves,
Who crave as hungry vulture craves,
Behaving as the goul behaves,
’Neath church-yard wall—
Mayhap because he fed on graves,
Was nam’d Jack Hall.

By day it was his trade to go
Tending the black coach to and fro;
And sometimes at the door of woe,
With emblems suitable,
He stood with brother Mute, to show
That life is mutable.

But long before they pass’d the ferry,
The dead that he had help’d to bury,
He sack’d—(he had a sack to carry
The bodies off in.)
In fact, he let them have a very
Short fit of coffin.

Night after night, with crow and spade,
He drove this dead but thriving trade,
Meanwhile his conscience never weigh’d
A single horsehair;
On corses of all kinds he prey’d,
A perfect corsair!

At last—it may be, Death took spite,
Or jesting only meant to fright—
He sought for Jack night after night
The churchyards round;
And soon they met, the man and sprite,
In Pancras’ ground.

Jack, by the glimpses of the moon,
Perceiv’d the bony knacker soon,
An awful shape to meet at noon
Of night and lonely;
But Jack’s tough courage did but swoon
A minute only.

Anon he gave his spade a swing
Aloft, and kept it brandishing,
Ready for what mishaps might spring
From this conjunction;
Funking indeed was quite a thing
Beside his function.

“Hollo!” cried Death, “d’ye wish your sands
Run out? the stoutest never stands
A chance with me,—to my commands
The strongest truckles;
But I’m your friend—so let’s shake hands,
I should say—knuckles.”

Jack, glad to see th’ old sprite so sprightly,
And meaning nothing but uprightly,
Shook hands at once, and, bowing slightly,
His mull did proffer:
But Death, who had no nose, politely
Declin’d the offer.

Then sitting down upon a bank,
Leg over leg, shank over shank,
Like friends for conversation frank,
That had no check on:
Quoth Jack unto the Lean and Lank,
“You’re Death, I reckon.”

The Jaw-bone grinn’d:—“I am that same,
You’ve hit exactly on my name;
In truth it has some little fame
Where burial sod is.”
Quoth Jack, (and wink’d,) “of course ye came
Here after bodies.”

Death grinn’d again and shook his head:—
“I’ve little business with the dead;
When they are fairly sent to bed
I’ve done my turn;
Whether or not the worms are fed
Is your concern.

“My errand here, in meeting you,
Is nothing but a ‘how-d’ye-do;’
I’ve done what jobs I had—a few
Along this way;
If I can serve a crony too,
I beg you’ll say.”

Quoth Jack, “Your Honour’s very kind:
And now I call the thing to mind,
This parish very strict I find;
But in the next ’un
There lives a very well-inclin’d
Old sort of sexton.”

Death took the hint, and gave a wink
As well as eyelet holes can blink;
Then stretching out his arm to link
The other’s arm,—
“Suppose,” says he, “we have a drink
Of something warm.”

Jack nothing loth, with friendly ease
Spoke up at once:— “Why, what ye please;
Hard by there is the Cheshire Cheese,
A famous tap.”
But this suggestion seem’d to teaze
The bony chap.

“No, no—your mortal drinks are heady,
And only make my hand unsteady;
I do not even care for Deady,
And loathe your rum;
But I’ve some glorious brewage ready,
My drink is—mum!”

And off they set, each right content—
Who knows the dreary way they went?
But Jack felt rather faint and spent,
And out of breath;
At last he saw, quite evident,
The door of Death.

All other men had been unmann’d
To see a coffin on each hand,
That served a skeleton to stand
By way of sentry;
In fact, Death has a very grand
And awful entry.

Throughout his dismal sign prevails,
His name is writ in coffin nails,
The mortal darts make area rails;
A scull that mocketh,
Grins on the gloomy gate, and quails
Whoever knocketh.

And lo! on either side, arise
Two monstrous pillars—bones of thighs;
A monumental slab supplies
The step of stone,
Where waiting for his master lies
A dog of bone.

The dog leapt up, but gave no yell,
The wire was pull’d, but woke no bell,
The ghastly knocker rose and fell,
But caused no riot;
The ways of Death, we all know well,
Are very quiet.

Old Bones stept in; Jack stepp’d behind.
Quoth Death, “I really hope you’ll find
The entertainment to your mind,
As I shall treat ye—
A friend or two of goblin kind,
I’ve asked to meet ye.”

And lo! a crowd of spectres tall,
Like jack-a-lanterns on a wall,
Were standing—every ghastly ball
An eager watcher.
“My friends,” says Death—“friends, Mr. Hall,
The body-snatcher.”

Lord, what a tumult it produc’d,
When Mr. Hall was introduced!
Jack even, who had long been used
To frightful things,
Felt just as if his back was sluic’d
With freezing springs!

Each goblin face began to make
Some horrid mouth—ape—gorgon—snake;
And then a spectre-hag would shake
An airy thigh-bone;
And cried, (or seem’d to cry,) I’ll break
Your bone, with my bone!

Some ground their teeth—some seem’d to spit—
(Nothing, but nothing came of it,)
A hundred awful brows were knit
In dreadful spite.
Thought Jack—I’m sure I’d better quit,
Without good night.

One skip and hop and he was clear,
And running like a hunted deer,
As fleet as people run by fear
Well spurr’d and whipp’d,
Death, ghosts, and all in that career
Were quite outstripp’d.

But those who live by death must die;
Jack’s soul at last prepar’d to fly;
And when his latter end drew nigh,
Oh! what a swarm
Of doctors came,—but not to try
To keep him warm.

No ravens ever scented prey
So early where a dead horse lay,
Nor vultures sniff’d so far away
A last convulse;
A dozen “guests” day after day
Were “at his pulse.”

’Twas strange, altho’ they got no fees,
How still they watch’d by twos and threes:
But Jack a very little ease
Obtain’d from them;
In fact he did not find M. D.s
Worth one D—M.

The passing bell with hollow toll
Was in his thought—the dreary hole!
Jack gave his eyes a horrid roll,
And then a cough:—
“There’s something weighing on my soul
I wish was off;

“All night it roves about my brains,
All day it adds to all my pains,
It is concerning my remains
When I am dead;”
Twelve wigs and twelve gold-headed canes
Drew near his bed.

“Alas!” he sighed, “I’m sore afraid,
A dozen pangs my heart invade;
But when I drove a certain trade
In flesh and bone,
There was a little bargain made
About my own.”

Twelve suits of black began to close,
Twelve pair of sleek and sable hose,
Twelve flowing cambric frills in rows,
At once drew round;
Twelve noses turn’d against his nose,
Twelve snubs profound.

“Ten guineas did not quite suffice,
And so I sold my body twice;
Twice did not do—I sold it thrice,
Forgive my crimes!
In short I have received its price
A dozen times!”

Twelve brows got very grim and black,
Twelve wishes stretch’d him on the rack,
Twelve pair of hands for fierce attack
Took up position,
Ready to share the dying Jack
By long division.

Twelve angry doctors wrangled so,
That twelve had struck an hour ago,
Before they had an eye to throw
On the departed;
Twelve heads turn’d round at once, and lo!
Twelve doctors started.

Whether some comrade of the dead,
Or Satan took it in his head
To steal the corpse—the corpse had fled!
’Tis only written,
That “there was nothing in the bed,
But twelve were bitten!”

Subject: Lyr Add: MARY'S GHOST (Thomas Hood)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Apr 23 - 07:14 PM

John Moulden mentioned this poem on 25 Jan 00. From Whims and Oddities, Second Series, by Thomas Hood (London: Charles Tilt, 1827), page 15. It was also published in several magazines that same year.


MARY’S GHOST.
A PATHETIC BALLAD.
By Thomas Hood

’Twas in the middle of the night,
To sleep young William tried,
When Mary’s ghost came stealing in,
And stood at his bed-side.

O William dear! O William dear!
My rest eternal ceases;
Alas! my everlasting peace
Is broken into pieces.

I thought the last of all my cares
Would end with my last minute;
But though I went to my long home,
I didn’t stay long in it.

The body-snatchers they have come,
And made a snatch at me;
It’s very hard them kind of men
Won’t let a body be!

You thought that I was buried deep,
Quite decent like and chary,
But from her grave in Mary-bone,
They’ve come and bon’d your Mary.

The arm that used to take your arm
Is took to Dr. Vyse;
And both my legs are gone to walk
The hospital at Guy’s.

I vow’d that you should have my hand,
But fate gives us denial;
You’ll find it there, at Dr. Bell’s,
In spirits and a phial.

As for my feet, the little feet
You used to call so pretty,
There’s one, I know, in Bedford Row,
The t’other’s in the city.

I can’t tell where my head is gone,
But Doctor Carpue can:
As for my trunk, it’s all pack’d up
To go by Pickford’s van.

I wish you’d go to Mr. P.
And save me such a ride;
I don’t half like the outside place,
They’ve took for my inside.

The cock it crows—I must begone!
My William, we must part!
But I’ll be yours in death, altho’
Sir Astley has my heart.

Don’t go to weep upon my grave,
And think that there I be;
They haven’t left an atom there,
Of my anatomie.

Subject: Lyr Add: IT WON’T HURT NO MORE (Carter & Young)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Apr 23 - 12:38 PM

This song was mentioned by lamarca on 24 Jan 00:


IT WON’T HURT NO MORE
As recorded by Buster Carter & Preston Young, on Columbia 15702D, 1931.

“Hello, Doc; I’ve got a bad tooth.
I want you to look and see what to do.”
“Yes, my lady, come right in.
I’ll pull it out; I’ll put one in.

CHORUS: “Then it won’t hurt no more,
Then it won’t hurt no more.”

“What will you have me do now, Doc?
Because, you know, a pain is what I’ve got.”
“Just lay down and open wide,
Because I want to rub it awhile. CHORUS

“Wait a minute, Doc; that’s the very spot,
And I hope you will get it before it rots.”
“Yes, my lady, that’s the very spot,
And the tool to get it I’m sure I’ve got. CHORUS

“Wait a minute, Doc; I will have to shout,
Because it hurts so good; don’t pull it out.”
“Yes, my lady, I know it feels good,
But it pleases me to do you good. CHORUS

“Oh, my gosh, and great gee whiz!
Can’t you let it be just like it is?”
“Yes, my lady, I can let it be,
But it’ll give you trouble, don’t you see? CHORUS

“Go ahead, Doc and do your stuff.
It done hurt me long enough.”
“Yes, my lady, to tell the truth,
I done pulled that doggone tooth.

CHORUS: “Now it won’t hurt no more.
Now it won’t hurt no more.” REPEAT

- - -
Also recorded by The New Lost City Ramblers on “The Young Fogies,” 1985.

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 23 Apr 23 - 07:45 AM

As a postscript to the above, there is now a posh hotel within a very short distance of the old Edinburgh Med School site: this transformed building one used to be a "lunatic asylum", and later became The Bedlam Theatre, which some people may remember from Edinburgh Fringe shows.
Now, as The Hotel du Vin, it was the venue for a recent reunion dinner with a number of medical colleagues. We were in a private room - The Burke and Hare Room, which is appropriately adorned with quite macabre paintings of anatomical specimens, bodies, body-snatchers at work, etc. It didn't put us off our dinner though! And, of course, I did have to sing the above song before we departed.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE SACK ‘EM UP BOYS
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 23 Apr 23 - 07:38 AM

Only 20 years later, but referring back to the posts by Rapparee and Suzanne on 20th January 2003, here is the song that Rapparee referred to (which as Suzanne says, is not the same one as Robin Laing's song "Burke and Hare". I learned it in one of my singing classes in Edinburgh. We were told it did come from an old street song, as Rapparee suggested, which became the chorus, then possibly Robin Hall and Jimmy McGregor added some verses to it. I don't know of any recordings of it, but could write out the tune if Suzanne is still looking for it!
Incidentally, the Dr Knox has nothing to do with John Knox, the preacher, but refers to Robert Knox, the then anatomy demonstrator at the Edinburgh Medical School, who required bodies to teach his students.

THE SACK ‘EM UP BOYS
Chorus
Up the close and doon the stair,
But and ben wi’ Burke and Hare,
Burke’s the butcher,
Hare’s the thief,
Knox the boy who buys the beef.

Hurry doon the Castle Wynd,
Look before and look behind,
There they wait tae tak yer life
And sell ye fur the surgeon’s knife....
Chorus

Auld or young or dark or fair,
It maks na mind tae Burke and Hare,
While Dr Knox peys oot the tin,
They’ll sack ‘em up and bring them in.....
Chorus

Reekie’s rows are dark and drear,
Reekie’s vennels reek wi’ fear,
Mind yersel gaun doon the stair,
Fur fear ye meet wi’ Burke and Hare.....
Chorus

Subject: Lyr Add: BOPPIN’ THE BLUES (Carl Perkins)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Apr 23 - 07:23 PM

This song was quoted by Amos on 23 Jan 00:


BOPPIN’ THE BLUES
(Perkins/Griffin)
As recorded by Carl Perkins on Sun 243, 1953

Well, all my friends are boppin’ the blues; it must be goin’ ’round.
All my friends are boppin’ the blues; it must be goin’ ’round.
I love you, baby, but I must be rhythm-bound.

Well, the doctor told me: “Carl, you don’t need no pills.”
Yeah, the doctor told me: “Boy, you don’t need no pills,
Just a handful o’ nickels; the jukebox will cure your ills.”

Well, all my friends are boppin’ the blues; it must be goin’ ’round.
All them cats is boppin’ the blues; it must be goin’ ’round.
I love you, baby; I must be rhythm-bound.

Well, the old cat-bug bit me; man, I don’t feel no pain.
Yeah, that jitterbug caught me; man, I don’t feel no pain.
I still love you, baby, but I’ll never be the same.

I said, all my friends are boppin’ the blues; it must be goin’ ’round.
All my friends are boppin’ the blues; it must be goin’ ’round.
I love you, baby, but I must be rhythm-bound. (Get it, cats! Let’s rock!)

Well, all my friends are boppin’ the blues; it must be goin’ ’round.
All them cats is boppin’ the blues and it must be goin’ ’round.
I love you, baby, but I must be rhythm-bound.

Well, Grandpa’s done got rhythm and he threw his crutches down.
Oh, the old boy’s done got rhythm and blues and he threw them crutches down.
Grandma, he ain’t triflin’; well, the old boy’s rhythm-bound.

All them cats is rockin’ the blues and it must be goin’ ’round.
All my friends are boppin’ the blues and it must be goin’ ’round.
I love you, baby; I must be rhythm-bound. (Bop, cat, bop!)

Rock, bop, rhythm and blues.
Rock, bop, rhythm and blues.
Rock, rock, rhythm and blues, bop!
Rock, rock, rhythm and blues.
Rhythm and blues, it must be goin’ ’round.

Subject: Lyr Add: ROCK AND ROLL DOCTOR (Little Feat)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Apr 23 - 12:02 PM

This was also mentioned by dwditty:


ROCK AND ROLL DOCTOR
(Lowell George / Fred Martin)
As recorded by Little Feat on “Feats Don’t Fail Me Now,” 1974.

There was a woman in Georgia didn't feel just right.
She had fever all day and chills at night.
Now things got worse, yes, a serious bind.
At times like this, it takes a man with such style I cannot often find:
A doctor of the heart and a doctor of mind.

If you like country with a boogie beat,
He's the man to meet.
If you like the sound of shufflin' feet,
He can't be beat.
If you wanna feel real nice,
Just ask the rock and roll doctor's advice.

It's just a country town, but his patients come
From Mobile to Moline, from miles around:
Nagodoches to New Orleans,
In beat-up old cars or in limousines,
To meet the doctor of soul; he's got his very own thing.

Two degrees in be-bop, a PhD in swing.
He's the master of rhythm; he's a rock and roll king.

If you like country with a boogie beat,
He's the man to meet. (He's the man to meet.)
If you like the sound of shufflin' feet,
He can't be beat. (I say he can't be beat.)
If you...
If you wanna...
If you wanna feel real nice,
Just ask the rock and roll doctor's advice.

Subject: Lyr Add: DOCTOR ROBERT (Lennon/McCartney)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Apr 23 - 11:36 AM

This was mentioned by dwditty on 26 Apr 98:


DOCTOR ROBERT
(Lennon/McCartney)
As recorded by The Beatles on “Revolver,” 1966.

Ring my friend; I said you'd call
Doctor Robert
Day or night, he'll be there any time at all
Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert
You're a new and better man
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can
Doctor Robert

If you're down, he'll pick you up
Doctor Robert
Take a drink from his special cup
Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert
He's a man you must believe
Helping anyone in need
No one can succeed
Like Doctor Robert

Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you
Doctor Robert

My friend works for the National Health
Doctor Robert
You'll pay money just to see yourself
With Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert
You're a new and better man
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can
Bob Robert

Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you
Doctor Robert

Ring my friend, I said you'd call
Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, I said you'd call
Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert….

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: beeliner
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 11:19 PM

It's kind of a long thread, so I might have missed it, but did anyone mention "Oh Doctor" by Malvina Reynolds, on the "Another County Heard From" album?

---

Thread closed because it's been a target for a heavy barrage of Spam. If you have something to add to the discussion, feel free to start a new thread on this topic.
-Joe Offer-

I'll keep an eye on this thread and close it again if any spam returns.
-Jim Dixon- Apr-21-2023

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 10:31 PM

a few songs here -
Lyr Add: The Colorectal Surgeon's Song- see Haruo's initial post for the title song 'Working where the sun don't shine' aka The Colorectal Surgeon's Song

Bob Bolton's post of 10 Mar 04 - 11:51 PM for 'Rectal Bleeding Calypso' Words & Music ©: John Dengate

Clinton Hammond's post of 30 Jan 05 - 04:47 PM for chords

I'll try to get copies of John Dengate's other medical masterpieces "Solar Melanoma Blues" (tune - Nobody loves you when you're down and out) & "Because I neglected dental hygiene" (sung thru his new dentures!)

sandra

Subject: Nice to meet all of you
From: GUEST,SoundJohn
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 07:43 PM

Hey! Thanx for this beautiful place of the Inet!!

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: GUEST,Edthefolkie
Date: 07 Oct 09 - 06:19 PM

Hey thanks Robd, it 's great to see the words of "Terrible Operation Blues". That takes me back a bit, Georgia Tom's version (was there a lady on it too?) made me larf out loud when I first heard it.

Got it on vinyl or tape somewhere but I can't remember what, when, where or how! MIGHT be on a Mike Raven compilation album (Mike used to do a blues programme on BBC radio 40 years ago)

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: sing4peace
Date: 06 Oct 09 - 08:30 PM

Here's one my Dad wrote to the tune of "The Rickets Hornpipe"

Rickets, berri-berri and pellagra too
Can be caused by not enough of vitamins in you
Lousy vision after dark
And even colds and flu
These symptoms can be caused they say
By lack of vitamins in you.

You may think you're having fun
But without the vitamin [pronounced vita-mun]
Your bones get soft they start to itch
Your ankles weigh a ton
So if you have to go to sea for any length of time
Be sure that once a week
You get to eat
a carrot and a lime.

Forget about psychiatry and don't go on a binge
Eat a navel or a temple or valencia orange.

----

(Yes! that does rhyme the word orange. Anybody who knew Jody Gibson knew that you just couldn't tell him a thing couldn't be done without him setting about to prove you wrong.)

--

Joyce

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: GUEST,fantum
Date: 06 Oct 09 - 08:13 AM

PILLS OF WHITE MERCURY straight out of the database

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Gweltas
Date: 05 Oct 09 - 08:14 PM

How about "Lily The Pink" and her wonderful "Medicinal Compound"??

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Jack Campin
Date: 05 Oct 09 - 07:46 PM

Tom Lehrer's song about the epidemiology of STDs: I Got It From Agnes.

Subject: Lyr Add: TERRIBLE OPERATION BLUES (Tom Dorsey)
From: robd
Date: 05 Oct 09 - 06:52 PM

So sad I missed this one, but since these threads may yet serve a useful purpose someday. And, a quick search of the site finds only a single mention of the song, but no words. I first heard Magpie sing it, and they credited Homer Clemons and his Texas Swing Billies.


TERRIBLE OPERATION BLUES
Thomas A. Dorsey aka. Georgia Tom - 1930

Bring in the next patient, nurse

Get up on this table, pull off that gown
Raise up that right leg, let that left one down
Pull off them stockings, that silk underwear
The doctor's got to cut you, mama, don't know where
You got two or three tumors, shaped like a cube
Two or three leaks in your inner tube
Bring on that ether, bring on that gas
The doctor's got to cut you, mama, yas, yas, yas
The doctor knows to fix it, the doctor knows just what to do

Oh doctor, can I have a glass of water?
Oh, not now
Oh doctor, I'm so sick!
Sh, be quiet, doctor ain't gonna hurt you
Oh, what you gonna do with that long knife?
Oh, that's just the doctor's tools
Oh doctor, what you gon' do with that saw?
Oh, we take off legs with that, that's all
Ooooh!
Be quiet, now, just a moment
There you are, the doctor's through!
Oh doctor, what did you take out of me?
Oh, just a minute, I'll tell you, dear

Four monkey wrenches, two horse-shay
Pair of old britches and a bale of hay
Your ribs were kinda loosened, they moved about
If I hadn't sewed you up, everything woulda fell out
I put in new tubes, tightened up the exhaust
Went into your hood and cleaned your spark plugs off
Your body's kinda weak, don't be hard
From now on you'll be careful with them there connection rods
Alright, doctor!

The doctor knows to fix it, the doctor knows just what to do
Gee, doctor, but I feel better
That so?
Yes, I feel kinda like I wanna do a little messin' 'round
Fine, go ahead!
Ooooh, my my my my
That's the way patients do that come to this hospital

Your body's kinda weak, don't be hard
From now on you'll be careful with them there connection rods
Alright, doctor!
The doctor knows to fix it, the doctor knows just what to do

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: breezy
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 03:45 AM

'Transplant Calypso' written a while ago by Jeremy Taylor doesn't appear to have been mentioned here.

Jeremy -who had a big hit with 'Ag Pleez Deddy' - will be appearing at the Windward Folk club at the Comfort Hotel in St Albans UK on Sunday 27th Nov 2005

on Fri 25th it'll be george papavgeris

Subject: Lyr Add: A NOTE OF THANKS TO DR. REES
From: Howard Kaplan
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 09:30 PM

Five years and ten months ago (January 2000), Marymac90 posted this paragraph:

I was looking to see if I had a recording by some male member of People's Music Network of an extremely funny song describing a proctoscopic examination, but I don't think I do. Perhaps it wasn't so much the lyrics as the ASL interpretation, but it had us all ROTFL.

I found her posting today while following links from another thread ("Where can I buy leeches & medical songs"), and I am pleased to be able to provide more details. I wrote A Note of Thanks to Dr. Rees in 1994, and you can click on the link to find a lead sheet and a MIDI file of the melody. Here are just the lyrics:

Doctor Rees (colon): I'm writing this letter
To thank you for what I have recently learned.
After our talk, I now understand better.
That would not be so, had you not been concerned.
Needing more facts, I perused the collection
The library keeps; I found quite a good book.
So now, I know much about rectal inspection,
Though rectums are places I rarely need look.

When we succeed with this change we've been trying,
When few folk will smoke, through persuasion and laws,
We'll see a change in statistics of dying,
With lung cancer being a less prominent cause.
Next behind lungs on the list as a locus
Where tumours develop, in rich lands like these,
Are rectum and colon, and so we must focus
On them, in our work of preventing disease.

Some say it helps to consume much more fibre
And rarely eat Häagen-Dazs, lamb chops, or Brie;
Those vegetarians I've met in cyber-
Space out on the Internet tend to agree.
But, for the millions who won't change their diet,
Although that would also be good for the heart,
There is a technique, if they're willing to try it,
That often ensures no malignancies start.

The flexible sigmoidoscope was invented
To enter our guts through the holes in their ends
Where feces well coloured and gases ill scented
Both exit the body. It threads through the bends
In the sigmoid, the part of the colon just over
The rectum that's shaped like an "S", and can go
Inside the left colon. It's used to discover
Conditions for which, perhaps, no symptoms show.

Polyps are growths that should not be occurring.
The ones in the bowel, when young, are benign,
But they can enlarge, and there's danger deferring
Removal, because, when they're old, they malign.
Most bowel polyps, statistics have shown us,
Are found near the sigmoid. A primary care
Physician can look for them, and, as a bonus,
Remove them, by using a scope and a snare.

Fibres bring outside light in to illumine;
An image is focused on fibres of glass.
Three millimetres wide, there's enough room in
The biopsy channel for thin tools to pass.
One has a loop on its end, which is tightened
To snare polyps' bases, then current's applied,
And heat cuts their stalks as the flesh becomes whitened.
A biopsy's made from the parts that weren't fried.

And so, Doctor Rees, thanks again for these verses
That I'd not have written without your request.
We, who must visit physicians and nurses,
Should try to keep current with what they suggest.
As it ascends, up that slippery slope in
The base of my gut, every three years or two,
When I feel the flexible sigmoidoscope in
My rectum, I'll surely be thinking of you.

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: GUEST,Sean
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:11 AM

The Humours of Whiskey

Tipping It up to Nancy

Subject: Lyr Add: THE FUNNY FARM (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 12:40 AM

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

THE FUNNY FARM (tune: When Johnny Comes Marching Home)
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

I took a short vacation on my doctor's good advice.
Four men in white escorted me. They treated me so nice.
They strapped me in a jacket till I couldn't move an arm,
An' now I am patient out at the funny farm.

CHORUS: The nurses drink. The doctors drink. The patients do the same.
While we are psychoanalyzed, we sip our pink champagne.
Before I'd sell my padded cell, I'd amputate my arm.
I'd be a lunatic to ever leave the funny farm.

I can't help feelin' sorry for the guy right next to me.
He thinks that he's a refrigerator, strange as it may be.
The doctors don't believe it an' I think that he's a fake,
But when he opens up his mouth, the light keeps me awake. CHORUS

A guy thinks he's a chicken, but I'm sure that he is wrong.
He sits out in the chicken coop an' cackles all day long.
The doctor never tries to cure him though he begs and begs,
For they get sixty cents a dozen when they sell the eggs. CHORUS

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Fractured Folk Songs," 1964; and "The Playboy Song," 1968.]

Subject: Lyr Add: ANYBODY ILL?
From: GUEST,Q
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 05:09 PM

Lyr. Add: ANYBODY ILL?

I am a learned surgeon, and my name is Doctor Quack,
My draughts and pills, to cure your ills, I carry on my back,
My med'cines are the nastiest that ever cured a pain,
If once you've tasted them I know you'd ne'er be ill again.

Chorus:
Then oh, my! Anybody ill, anybody ill,
Anybody ill, oh my Hi!
I'm Doctor Quack, quack, quack-a-ka-quack,I cure you of any attack,
I've syrup of squills and I've camomile pills,
And my name is Doctor Quack.

I've lotions for the measles and I've powders for the croup.
I cure the girls of whooping cough by taking off their hoop,
My plaisters are so very strong, they draw out all your teeth,
And last week drew a ton of coals from here to Hampstead Heath.

I've pills for the complexion if you rub it in at night,
If you've been red as beetroot, in the morning you'll be white,
They'll cure a smoky fire and take away the kettle's boil,
They're made of railway grease and soap, Dutch cheese and castor oil.

I've got a syrup you can take for tooth ache in the nose,
I've powders for a wooden arm, and pills for timber toes.
I stop the mouths of scolding wives, their double teeth I draw,
I clap a padlock on their tongues which makes them hold their jaw.

I've ointment for a mother-in-law, she swallows half a pound,
She'll never trouble you again for she will sleep so sound,
Who'll have a gross of leeches? Shall I put them on your back?
You won't- then he must go elsewhere to trade, must Doctor Quack.

I've heard a doctor sing this to MacNamara's Band, and do the chorus with a little music hall-minstrel hop. Quite funny.

Bodleian Library, printed by R. March, 1881-1884, Firth b.28(4a/b)

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Santa
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 02:58 PM

Strawhead tend to end their act with a rousing rendition of "Working Where The Sun Don't Shine (The Colorectal Surgeon's Song)" complete with gestures that really cannot be repeated on a family forum.

The chorus goes something like

"Here's to the Colo-Rectal Surgeon,
Misunderstood and much-maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine."

The verses are fortunately gone beyond recall.....but they certainly amused the medical member of this family (and the non-medical ones).

Subject: Lyr Add: COCONUT (Harry Nilsson)
From: Arkie
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 12:31 AM

COCONUT
Harry Nilsson

Brother bought a coconut. He bought it for a dime.
His sister had another one. She paid it for a lime.

She put the lime in the coconut. She drank them both up.
She put the lime in the coconut. She drank them both up.
She put the lime in the coconut. She drank them both up.
She put the lime in the coconut. She called the doctor, woke him up

And said, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?"
I say, "Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?"
I say, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take,"
I say, "Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?"
"Now let me get this straight:

"Put the lime in the coconut. You drank them both up.
Put the lime in the coconut. You drank them both up.
Put the lime in the coconut. You drank them both up.
Put the lime in the coconut. You called your doctor, woke him up,

And say, "Doctor, ain't there nothing I can take?"
I say, "Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?"
I say, "Doctor, doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?"
I say, "Doctor, dooooctor, to relieve this belly ache?"

Put the lime in the coconut. Drink them both together.
Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better.
Put the lime in the coconut. Drink them both up.
Put the lime in the coconut and call me in the morning.

Wouh wouh wouh wouh wouh.
Brother bought a coconut. He bought it for a dime.
His sister had another one. she paid it for a lime.

She put the lime in the coconut. She drank them both up.
She put the lime in the coconut. She called the doctor, woke him up.

Say, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?"
I say, "Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?"
I say, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?"
I say "Doctor! Let me get this straight:

"You put the lime in the coconut, drink them both up.
You put the lime in the coconut, drink them both up.
You put the lime in the coconut, drink them both up.
Put the lime in the coconut. you such a silly woman!,

Put the lime in the coconut. Drink them both together.
Put the lime in the coconut, t ain't there nothing I can take hen you feel better.
Put the lime in the coconut. Drink them both down.
Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning."

"Woo Woo, ain't there nothin' you can take?" I say,
"Woo Woo, to relieve my belly ache?"
You say, "woo woo, ain't there nothin' I can take?" I say,
"Woo woo, to relieve your belly ache?"

You say, "yah yah, ain't there nothin' I can take?" I say,
"Waah waah, to relieve this belly ache?"
I say, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?"
I say, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?"
I say, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?"
I say, "Doctor, you such a silly woman!,

"Put the lime in the coconut. Drink them both together.
Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better.
Put the lime in the coconut. Drink them both up.
Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the moooooorning.

"Yes, you call me in the morning,
If you call me in the morning, then X5

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 07:56 PM

Rapaire, I've heard it sung by Nancy Nicolson, but have been looking for a recording for years without success. 'Burke and Hare' on Robin Laing's Edinburgh Skyline CD is a different song.

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 04:54 PM

Someone has probably set this to music, since it was popular eith the children of the time:

Up the close and down the stair
But and ben w' Burke and Hare
Burke's the butcher Hare's the thief
And Knox's the boy who buys the beef.

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Nogs
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 02:03 PM

the words to the song that northfolk was referring to above 4/28/98 [The Druggist] can be found at http://www.joelmabus.com/1097_lyrics.htm#druggist

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: kytrad (Jean Ritchie)
Date: 06 Jul 02 - 06:03 PM

I haven't time to read all above carefully, but I don't think this one was mentioned: "Pretty Sally," an old ballad often sung by Horton Barker, and a beauty. Sad, though.

Another which I used to sing for medical students- it always made them laugh: Leadbelly's, "Irene, Goodnight," which has the verse:

I love Irene, God knows I do,
Love 'er till the seas run dry-
But if Irene turn 'er back on me,
I'll take morphine and die!

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: GUEST,Erin
Date: 05 Jul 02 - 07:30 PM

I THINK I've read all the entries so far....and I didn't see the following parody of "Side By Side" (some people know it as "Oh, We Ain't Got a Barrel of Money")

Well, I got married last Friday
My new wife stood beside me
When the guests had all gone
We stood alone
Side by Side

We really knew we were wed then
So we got ready for bed then
When her false teeth and hair
She laid on a chair
Side by Side

One tin leg to follow,
one glass eye so small
Then she unscrewed her left arm
And put it on the chair by the wall

Well, here I stand broken hearted
Most of my wife has departed
So I slept by the chair
There was more of her there
Side by Side

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: GUEST,Argenine
Date: 05 Jul 02 - 03:48 PM

Jeanie, thanks for that Cole Porter song! The man had a way with words, din't 'e?

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Deda
Date: 04 Jul 02 - 03:53 PM

A fun thread! The one just above it when I opened it was "falorum dingdorum" (from "Maids when you're young") which has some great lyrics for anatomy students.

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 04 Jul 02 - 02:07 PM

Here's the original, and the tune: Fair Margaret and Sweet William, Child 74 (page includes MIDI). The tune is apparently one of two versions collected by Cecil Sharp.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: Lyr Add: SIR JOHN AND THE MAGIC CASTLE
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 04 Jul 02 - 01:53 PM

Here's one that I wrote when I was a medical student. I don't believe I've posted them before. It's a parody of "Fair Margaret and Sweet William", which I believe is a Child ballad; I'll leave it to Masato or one of the other scholars to figure out which! Warning: not for the faint-hearted.

[A brief explanation: My medical school, Penn State U.'s Hershey Medical Center, was a gleaming white building that was built in the middle of a cornfield outside Hershey, Pennsylvania (Chocolate Town, USA), so from a distance it really does look a bit like a magic castle. Anyone who's been to a major medical center won't need any more explanation of the song. Oh...3rd and 4th year medical students in the hospital were called "clinical clerks".]

SIR JOHN AND THE MAGIC CASTLE
lyrics (c)1976 Mark Cohen, tune trad (Fair Margaret and Sweet William)

Sir John awoke on a gray morning, he felt so terribly bad
"I have a pain in my belly," he said, "the worst I've ever had"

He dragged himself out of his bed and found his friend William Brown
"Oh, take me to that white castle now, that stands in Hershey Town"

"Oh have no fear, Sir John dear friend, oh have no fear" said he
"I'll take you to that magic castle now, and better you'll soon be"

"Oh take me there with haste, my friend, for I am terribly sore"
He gave a cry that cracked the sky, and then he gave one more

They rode so fast and they rode so far, the castle soon they spied
But they had to go through a twisted maze, before they got inside

The signs they misdirected them, the door was very well hid
Sir John stopped once to bring up his lunch, and was quite glad he did

At last they came upon the door, but when they stepped within
A demon there was sitting in a chair, on its face an evil grin

"Oh demon what want you of us?" said William bold and brave
"My friend Sir John is so very ill, he's almost in his grave"

"It is not much I want of you," the demon said with a smirk
"Your name, your age, your next of kin, where you live, and where you work

Then you must fill out all these forms, and press full hard with your pen
Sign here, and here, and also here" -- Sir John threw up again

They took Sir John into a room, and thirteen people came in
And each one had a different idea of what was wrong with him

Said one, "Let's have him swallow this tube, and then I'll look within"
Said another, "No, the only way we'll know is by opening up his skin"

Then up there spoke a third-year clerk: "Sir, when was your last stool?"
"Why, four days ago," said good Sir John, "and I'm regular, as a rule"

The clerk then donned his rubber glove, the rest you surely can guess
Said a happy Sir John, "Of all you wise men here, this young one is the best"

I'll end my story here and now, but please remember my friend
The third-year clerk who saved the day, with a finger in...The End

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: GUEST,Martin Ryan
Date: 04 Jul 02 - 09:01 AM

Kevin Barry

Regards

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: GUEST,another guest
Date: 03 Jul 02 - 11:07 PM

Paddy Kelly's Brew---verse 2

It will cure the rheumatism; it will cure a wheezy chest.
It will cure away the gout and gallstones too--
Toothache, headache, backache, losing hair, and all the rest;
Fallen arches, corns and bunions, and the flu.

And it tastes as sweet as honey as it trickles down your throat.
It's pure and clear; it's just like mountain dew.
It would make a fellow sing though he didn't have a note.
Won't you try a drop of Paddy Kelly's brew?

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: maire-aine
Date: 03 Jul 02 - 09:00 PM

Miss Fogarty's Christmas Cake, maybe. "It could kill a man twice after eatin' a slice...."

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 Jul 02 - 07:18 PM

See DOCTOR BROWN.

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Genie
Date: 29 Jun 02 - 11:25 PM

For cardiologists:
How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

For Pharmacists:
Love Potion Number Nine

For Dermatologists:
Poison Ivy

For Psychiatrists:
Me and My Shadow ... not a soul to tell our troubles to...
You're Just In Love (Irving Berlin): "I hear singing and there's no one there; I smell blossoms and the trees are bare; All day long I seem to walk on air. I wonder why...

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Genie
Date: 29 Jun 02 - 11:17 PM

For patients who've just been stabbed with a hypodermic:

"I've got you under my skin..."

Then there's the classic "Found a peanut." Among the umpteen kazillion verses, you find:

"It was rotten (x3) just now...
"Ate it anyhow (x3) just now ...
"'Pendicitis (x3) just now...
"Operation (x3) just now...
"Died anyway (x3) just now... (etc.)

Genie

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 29 Jun 02 - 08:16 PM

In haste - I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if this is a repeat:

[DR. DE JONGH'S COD LIVER OIL]

Oh doctor, oh doctor, oh Dr De Jong
Your cod liver oil is so sweet and so strong
Oh Dr De Jong, I'll go down in the soil
If my wife don't stop drinking your cod-liver oil

and many other bawdy verses.

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Jun 02 - 06:44 PM

The TV show Scrubs has had lots of digusting medical school songs.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE PHYSICIAN (Cole Porter)
From: Jeanie
Date: 29 Jun 02 - 06:36 PM

As we've moved into "non-folk," here's "THE PHYSICIAN," music and lyrics by Cole Porter, recorded by Gertrude Lawrence 1933:

Once I loved such a shattering physician,
Quite the best looking doctor in the state.
And his bedside manner was great.
When I'd gaze up and see him there above me,
Looking less like a doctor than a Turk,
I was tempted to whisper, "Do you love me,
Or do you merely love your work?"

He said by bronchial tubes were entrancing,
My epiglottis filled him with glee,
He simply loved my larynx
And went wild about my pharynx,
Be he never said he loved me.

He said my epidermis was darling,
And found my blood as blue as could be,
We went through wild ecstatics
When I showed him my lymphatics,
But he never said he loved me.

And though, no doubt,
It was not very smart of me,
I kept on a-wracking my soul
To figure out
Why he loved every part of me,
And yet not me as a whole.

With my esophagus he was ravished,
Enthusiastic to a degree,
He said 'twas just enormous,
My appendix vermiformis,
But he never said he loved me.

He said my cerebellum was brilliant,
And my cerebrum far from N.G.,
I know he thought a lotta
My medulla oblongata,
But he never said he loved me.

He said my maxillaries were marvels,
And found my sternum stunning to see,
He did a double hurdle
When I shook my pelvic girdle,
But he never said he loved me.

He seemed amused
When he first made a test of me
To further his medical art,
Yet he refused
When he'd fix up the rest of me,
To cure that ache in my heart.

I know he thought my pancreas perfect,
And for my spleen was keen as could be,
He said of all his sweeties
I'd the sweetest diabetes,
But he never said he loved me.

He said my vertebrae were "sehr schoene,"
And called my coccyx "plus que gentil,"
He murmured "molta bella"
When I sat on his patella,
But he never said he loved me.

He took a fleeting look at my thorax,
And started singing slightly off-key,
He cried, "My Heaven strike us",
When I played my umbilicus,
But he never said he loved me.

As it was dark,
I suggested we walk about
Before he returned to his post.
Once in the park,
I induced him to talk about
The thing I wanted the most.

He lingered on with me until morning,
Yet when I tried to pay him his fee,
He said, "Why, don't be funny,
It is I who owe you money,"
But he never said he loved me.

Some of the cranial nerve mnemonics listed above would have been a lot easier to learn than the one were taught at school for 'O' Level Human Biology:
"Old opticians occasionally trot triumphantly around fairs auctioning green vases and hydrangeas" - I always thought the actual names of the nerves would have been easier to remember than that sentence!

- jeanie

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 1-Jul-02.

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Genie
Date: 28 Jun 02 - 10:13 PM

I know it's not a folk song, but Miss Adelaide's Lament (from Guys and Dolls) is perfect for med students.  Miss Adelaide (Sky Masterson's moll) keeps reading medical textbook descriptions of "post nasal drip" and other sinus cavity ailments and their relation to socio-emotional issues.  Each verse of these descriptions ends with

"in other words, ...
a person can develop a cold."

Then there's another non-folk one that's relevant:
"Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news

I gotta bad case o' lovin' you!"

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: redcogs
Date: 28 Jun 02 - 05:28 PM

How about

Digging graves is my delight
a digging graves for you to lie in
every morning every night
I makes me living from the dying

[Dust to Dust by John Kirkpatrick]

Subject: RE: Folk songs appropriate for medical students
From: Genie
Date: 28 Jun 02 - 05:24 PM

Isn't there a punk or grunge band called "Smegma?"