Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)

Subject: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 10:39 AM

Yes folks!!! here is a unique chance to put facaes to the mudcat names. We are playing at Hope and Anchor on this coming saterday night. 9pm.start.

pete (deanmeister)Dean

Dave (legs) Oakley

Mick (ossonflags) McGarry

Andy (not as yet joined) Watson

it is my prediction there will be a certain amount of bear supped that night.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 10:43 AM

Are the faeces provided, Mick, or do we bring our own?

Gary

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Oaklet
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 11:23 AM

Come, pull up a stool and enjoy the Charmin speciality act.

"Rectum?" "Well, it certainly didn't do them any good."

Ossenflags you are the limit at times. This thread will new be a faecal point for those with difficulties. But I salut you as always.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 12:48 PM

er... Lincolnshire .... I think not!

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 12:50 PM

Actually guys - I amongst other 'ull catters will be in leafy warwickshire with sume bear and sume bananannas. Have a great gig.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 12:59 PM

I like to go but it is to far away and i am werking on Saturdat anyway, bannannas are good, they make you shit.john

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Oaklet
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 01:39 PM

Ossenflags, look what you have done. The dawn of the ultimate shit thread. Still, at least jOhn doesn't suffer from a tendency to transpose Js and Ws - thank the Lord. I am going to spend quality time with my cattle now, to escape from the memory. And then I'm on me bike to the Hase.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 06:48 PM

Hi Oakleaf how was the Hase is it worth a visit

Gerry (suffering ? from johN's complaint((too much bear99

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 06:57 PM

helloo ebery body i went to the HAse , it was really nice, i saw plenty od mudcat peepol, thwre was Me 9john from hull_ and Gary9 shipjak) and oaklet, and john and john and nicky but there computers was busted so them cant see mudcdcat now, but they going to mend them sooon.john pS they t play a nice tune it gose like this = dem de de de de de dem de , dem de , dedlle eddle dem dem, dem de, i do'nt noe what it called butr it is nice.john

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 07:09 PM

anyway Linda says " i hope you have a great big" A great big what?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Oaklet
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 07:51 PM

Just got back to see that jOhn is suffering from immidiate incoherence syndrome. He was lucid only an hour ago. Still, the Hase was a good place to be and I am glad that this Punch the Horse thread has been spared, temporarily, from the toilet. I am now going to have a great big poo, so I'll see you when I can.

Gerry, apply the cream and get some sleep.

jOhn, I think the tune was Marigold and you have flaunted the copyright laws in humming it on a thread read by literally tens of people. I will probably Sue, but will wait until birclays have finished with you.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 08:09 PM

hello oakey, it was god to see yoo in the hAsE , i still thinking aboot buying a bike , so i can join the perple helmit displat teem, i speak to Skipack9 aboot it, but i ask you as well, what yoo think? john

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Oaklet
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 08:14 PM

You were a born Purple Helmet, joHn. Now try to rest. It has been a busy day. Don't buy a new bike if you can resist. Good servicable (probably stolen but who cares?) racers can be had for £20. I have to milk at 5.30, so I'm off.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Jul 02 - 08:16 PM

PS, Me and Gary (Skipjack9) was playing with each others instruments tonight, he said my instrument is very nice, his instrument is older than mine but he still let me play with it.john

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: ossonflags
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 02:56 AM

Oakley, I do hope this thread is not going to degenerate into comments on your bowel movements.

Skipjack, Faeces are not obligatory, but can be provided on request.

Linda, I am suprised at you,swapping a night with us,for warwickshire. What is going on there by the way?

John, the way you sound south ferriby is miles away, you could come and see us and still have time for bear and shake the pan at mustafa's.

deanmeister, you are strangely quiet, what news on the busking front?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Mr Happy
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 03:56 AM

since this seems to be a faecal point, shouls i be seen to be going through the motions?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,Oakley
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 04:16 AM

Seldom do I take issue with me mate Ossonflags, but how could an invitation to put faeces to our names, in the opening post, degenerate further? Mick, you are not too big to be bent across my knee, to allow Mr. and Mrs. spank to pay a visit to botty - land. Hmmmm...I have just revised my position on that and realised that you probably are.

I do hope that this doesn't become an opportunity for troubled souls, to drivel on about bowels, toilet paper, the laxative effect of bannnannnas or pulling up stools. But the signs are not good.

And jOhn, a personal message: Grrrrrrr.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,Oakley
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 04:28 AM

I have just read that after a brief spell under the ownership of Transco, control the Post Office has now passed to Insignia - makers of low quality co-ordinating gents' grooming products, often overpowering motorway service stations and Little Chefs at the start of the company rep-shift.

This is a troubled world and I am heartily glad that I am a small hairy farmer.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 09:01 AM

Point taken Oaks, but why do you continue with this fixation of all things lavatorial?I could say if I was slightly wimpy, that original thread was a spelling mistake,but I fear that no one would believe me. However,the visitation of the spank familly does have a certain attraction.Maybe we could have it as part of the underwater soot juggling act, with of course the added atraction of the smoke machine.

Have i misseed something along the way, when did you become a small farmer?

and is anyone coming on saterday?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 09:23 AM

Point taken Oaks, but why do you continue with this fixation of all things lavatorial?I could say if I was slightly wimpy, that original thread was a spelling mistake,but I fear that no one would believe me. However,the visitation of the spank familly does have a certain attraction.Maybe we could have it as part of the underwater soot juggling act, with of course the added atraction of the smoke machine.

Have i misseed something along the way, when did you become a small farmer?

and is anyone coming on saterday?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 09:26 AM

oops!!!!!! strange computor,pressed submit twice.Time for a second visit from the spank familly.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 10:03 AM

Would love to see Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)on saterday but I'm doing a wedding ceilidh so have a good 'un without me

Gerry

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 10:29 AM

I heard 'lodger' Frank is coming over to see you, so I plan to take Mrs Drinkall at No.21 to heaven and back. Will pop in for a snifter if I've any energy left.

Gary

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,Oakley
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 12:11 PM

Ossonflags, it appears that Mrs Drinkall from no 21 and Skipjack appear the most likely to come on Saturday, given the evidence from the thread. I may well come myself, but later.

My smallholding is legendary amongst local people. To illustrate, I will be in shorts on Saturday night if that's ok with you.

Gerry, are you sure it's ok to do that, what with the banjo problem and all? And to prove that I am not of a lavatorial disposition: not a single mention of taking a dump after feeling the turtle's head all afternoon. Oh bugger!

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 12:49 PM

There you are!!!! you just cant stop yourself can you?

Oakiepoos,you must really try and get a grip on what, quite frankly is becoming an obssesion,turtles head yet.

I will try and get some nerve balm (and possibly a small boiled egg) down me before I am ready for yet another exposure to your beautifully, yet manly, well turned calves.

Looking forward to meeting skipjack again and Mrs. Drinkall from no.21 I myself will be bringing some of the Hull groupies and a couple of caledonian visitors, so they at least will not be as shocked at sight of the undraped nethers as some less sturdy folk.

The Punchmobile will be dropping anchor outside the owld pub on saterday at 8.00pm. or near as dammit,excuse me dropping into the nautical venacular,but am feeling that way since I have just shown someone how to tie a bowline on the bight(well it makes the day go in doesnt it?)

I am know going for some bear to be followed by a haricot bean curry,you guess the rest,I am sure your fertile, if slightly bizzare imagination can dredge up something.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Les from Hull
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 02:41 PM

Well I'll be one of the ones in Warwick. South Ferriby sounds interesting, I would like to come to. But I think I'll stay unconcious.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Noreen
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 08:04 PM

I'll be part of the alternative bear-supping party, abroad in Warwickshire (complete with bannannannas), so no chance of meeting the small hairy farmer yet. I shall be making enquiries of my respectable 'ull acquaintances this weekend (well, Linda and Les may have to do) as to the suitability of Mr Oakley for the porpoise I have in mind for him...

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 24 Jul 02 - 08:35 PM

Mick is soonding fed up that no mudcat peepol are going , so i might go anyway and ring in sick, i dont know yet, but if anyone sees my boss pleese dont tell him i am not sick, 9he will complane at me).john

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Oaklet
Date: 25 Jul 02 - 02:45 AM

Gary, just a word of caution, Nozzer, one of Mrs D at no 21's er.. friends, told me that he was displeased about her tactiturn approach to er... being... er comforted. When he asked her to moan a bit to enhance his pleasure during the geriatric gyrations, she started with her displeasure at plumber never turning up at the appointed hour and finished with the effect that eggs now had on her "back body", blaming "those buggers who put all the chemicals in me food". Via a succession of complaints that included the washing machine door seal, her unreasonable neighbour's (me) habit of exposing himself, and the speed of the traffic through the village.

Nozzer dines out on this still, although I prefer less forgetful people who have more than one story to share.

I thought you should be warned. By the way, "Lodger" Frank is under the doctor for "waterworks trouble" and might have to have "it" removed. Though what "it" is, remains to be seen. He is a very hairy man, Frank.

Er...Hi Noreen.....Er how ya doin? I have just come back from the milking sheds, and now have marine mammal anxiety. Enjoy Warwick, I'll be in me shorts in Lincs.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,The DeanMeister
Date: 25 Jul 02 - 06:21 AM

Looks like I shall be coming to Ferriby on me throbbing beastie. Can I therefore become an honourary member of the moist purple helmets, Oakley? Or is 150 mph a bit too quick for you?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,Oakley
Date: 25 Jul 02 - 07:01 AM

There is no beauty in that sort of rushed, macho nonsense; one only acheives grace and poise when about to fall off from a squeaking rusty bicycle, depositing a keybord that you squash it9 onto a grass verge to whoops of delight from the community on the 164. And leaking slightly into the lycra. But turn up, with a damp crotch, slightly incoherent and covered in bruises and tyre marks and it would be a different matter entirely.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 25 Jul 02 - 12:51 PM

What a refreshing change to see something on this thread without referance to bowel movements,I thought, till i looked at oakleys last missive in depth.

are you really going on the deanmobile, axeman?

need to know for definate,and what news of the busking?

Be delighted to see you at the gig john,I need to be formaly introduced to this hamster.

Are you really going ahead with the undraped legs ,oakiepoos?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 03:27 AM

Oakley, I shall be meeting up with Noreen at Warwick -Apparrently she think's you look like Tom Selleck -what should I do?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,Oakley
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 04:33 AM

Linda, explain that I am a semi-continent bald git with a ginger beard and that my mom still buys my underwear. And I smell of cow shit most of the time. That should discourage the poor woman, unless of course she is as disturbed as I am, in which case it might encourage her. You are her friend, for God's sake counsel her before it's too late.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 05:25 AM

For God's sake, Oaklet, stop selling yerslf short. Not only does the dowry include seventeen cows and a Bedford Rascal, but also a highly decorative bicycle, slightly smoke damaged, and a bothy below sea level in the ague infested flood plain of the Humber. This is a man of some substance, if perhaps an inconsistent grasp on reality. I can tell you that Mrs Drinkall would very much like to get her cocoa there, three times every week.

Garforth

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,smallpiper
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 05:56 AM

Sorry wont be at Ferriby but will be folk partying it in Durham but have a good poo free gig won't you and I'll see you for a full report on wednesday at Goxhill. Oakley,is that one of your cows I see making a swim for freedom accross the crystal clear waters of the humber?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,Oakley
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 10:59 AM

Gary, Don't tell Noreen, but the van is a Toyota Hiace in blue. They should have made a cult film about it.

I had the very great pleasure earlier this morning, of meeting Ossenflags, dressed as an angler, ambling shambolically towards his workplace. He greeted me with the quaint Hullism "What the bloody hell are you doing here?" And I was touched. I offered him a lift, and he bought buns from the ship next to The Avenue Takeaway, the now-famous chicken specialist, bog-roll bereft, arse-washing employer of our very own jOhn.

Being engaged in the science of extracting money from the independent fitted furniture trade today, has meant leaving the cows in the capable hands of "Lodger" Frank, who turned up this morning looking very dapper in a trilby and navy blazer with a huge badge sewn on it.

I havn't been able to speak to him all afternoon, and Mrs Drinkall is also missing. I suspect that he might be neglecting his duties, and fear that I have one beast who is convinced it is one of Noreen's porpoises. If I am down to 17 freisians, I will seize his aging Metro. So help me.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 11:50 AM

Oaklet-weve got a lot in comom ,I used to smell of turkey shit 9I used to werk in a turkey factory) but now i smell of curry 9I werk in a currry ship).john

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Oaklet
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 02:26 PM

Smallpiper, I have accounted for all 18 beasts. But not "Lodger" Frank or Mrs Drinkall at no 21.

There is talk around here of a crack Humberside Police Underwater Search and Ceiledh Unit which trains on Friday afternoons in a borrowed submarine in the crystal waters of the Humber. I think you may have spotted it earlier.

Enjoy Durham. It should be shit-free gig tomorrow, but Ossonflags may impose his own agenda on the affair, without realising that we are ready for him. I will have a detailed report on your desk at Goxhill on Wednesday.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Oaklet
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 02:46 PM

John, as you are a thoroughly nice guy, I am glad that we have something in common, but secretly I wish that it wasn't smelling like shit at some time or other. Do you know that there are Americans on your thread? Right now! Banjo-Flower spotted them and shouted for me. Would you like to address some of your thoughts on bannanas, bear, bircleys, Transco, chicken or anything else for that matter to the Americans, jOhn? I think you should. They are waiting. In America, where it is probably dark.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,dodgy bird
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 03:30 PM

john i feel a strange affinity towards you although i do not work in a curry shop i am rather partial to one of an evening i also have a dodgy keyboard which is fortunately behaving its self today i finish work late at night then go home and drink loads of beer whilst reading drivel on the net and i own a hamster. do you think we may have been seperated at birth?

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 04:17 PM

Hi GUEST,dodgy bird you should be drinking bananery bear its lots better than beer is'nt it johN9

Gerry

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Oaklet
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 04:45 PM

Gerry, Help me. There are more Americans on jOhn's thread. I've been polite to them so far, but you are much better at this sort of thing than me. Come on! talk to them. Don't leave it all to me.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,dodgy bird
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 06:10 PM

hello banjo flower the worrying thing is that i have sampled the delights of banana beer. chales wells has alot to answet for i believe the delights were found in the tap, beverley(sun inn0i believe nowadays)

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 10:03 PM

HEllooo Dodgy Bird-I think we shud definetley meet up, I am looking for a new women 9my last one was crap, arguing and spending my hard erned muney on useless rubbish like curtains etc) My new wumun should be good at tidying up and washing the cloths, and she should like folk music and like animuls 9especially hamsters) you do'nt need to be good at cooking because i werk in a taker way.If you like to meet me, just let me know, i wo'nt put my adrees here in case sume bad peepol come round and nick my chips or bannnannas or ice creem, 9it was reaaly hot today so i got sume ice creem) but i live 5 doors away from mick 9ossenflags) i lokk forwerd to meet yoo.john

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 26 Jul 02 - 11:59 PM

dodgy bird- i forgot to ask you few things=What is you're hamster called? how old are you? 9my next wumon should be ages 20 to 40) and what you look like? 9good lucking is not importunt, but i hope you not to skinny) you should hurry up if yoo want to go out with me, because i got my eye on one girl in Tip & spale, Hull, she can playing the piano.john

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 27 Jul 02 - 12:24 AM

Hello, i habe just read the rest of this thread again, i habe met Oaklet and nOreen, and i think they will make a good pear, but Gary might get jellus, so do'nt tell him.

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: GUEST,dodgy bird
Date: 27 Jul 02 - 02:19 AM

hello john you should never ask a lady her age but as im a dodgy bird it is ok im 35 tall dark hair dont like curtains or hoovers im not too bad at washing clothes or rather i have one of those nice machines that do it all for you i can cook love animals and my hamster is called guiness hope this fills in a few gaps for you

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 27 Jul 02 - 02:36 AM

I'd be HAPPY to meet you!

Subject: RE: Punch The Horse at South Ferriby ( UK)
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 27 Jul 02 - 02:42 AM

PS. anybody else spotted the similarities between Mr Happy and dodgy bird? I wonder if they are related, they must be living together as they appear to be using the same computer!