BS: just needs some friendly words

Subject: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,JulieF(can'tbe bothered looking for ccokie)
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 06:44 PM

Please,

I just need someone to talk to me tonight. My partner of over twenty years has informed me that he hass fallen in love with someone else.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 06:47 PM

So sorry

Where do you live?

I'll talk as long as you wish

*hug*

Jim

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: artbrooks
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 06:50 PM

So very sorry. I don't know that I'd know what to say even to a close friend in a situation like yours.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,JulieF
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 06:50 PM

Thanks Jim

I'm in Sheffield - I know I shouldn't me using this like a chat area but its the only place where I know that the people are realy friendly. I can't go to sleep and my daughter will be in in a couple of hours and I'ld have to tell her>

Julie

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,Julie
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 06:51 PM

Thanks Artbooks

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 06:52 PM

{{{{hugs}}}} wish I could do more.....pm me if you want to vent.....

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: Sorcha
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 06:56 PM

I'll be here off and on all evening--I am 6 hrs earlier than you. Feel free to PM me if you re set your cookie.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 06:59 PM

if you want a 'real' person to talk to, I'm happy to help

You can email me at [e-mail]

I'll pick up the phone bill

Take care

Jim

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 07:01 PM

Add me to the PM's if you want, Julie. I am so sorry to hear this. Do you have ICQ? Or, Paltalk? We could *visit* in either of them, via microphone and speakers.

Lots and lots of {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

kat

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: Mudlark
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 07:04 PM

Hi Julie...so sorry the world has crumbled. But it seems to me that the very fact that you reached out right away may be of great help to you in reconstructing a world that supports you in a more positive way. Hang in there, take good care of your valuable self, try and keep the rest of your life stable until emotions settle. You are welcome to PM me any time.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: JulieF
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 07:04 PM

Thanks

If you don't mind I'ld rather not physicaly talk to anyone - although its a wonderful offer. I'm just trying to think about what I'm going to do.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 07:07 PM

Of course I don't mind.

Whatever is best for you

Remember how wonderful you are as a person.

And you are!

Jim

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: JulieF
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 07:09 PM

Jim

What tears me up is that he still sees me as a wonderful person he just loves some else

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: Sorcha
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 07:27 PM

Well, yes, Julie, but think about this--if he doesn't want you, do you REALLY want him?

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: specky
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 07:27 PM

well sweetie i cant help but send u ((((((hugs))))))) u can pm me can b here all night if it helps

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: JulieF
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 07:41 PM

I'm going now - I can't sit still anylonger and I've got to compose myself. Thanks to all - I'ld be back on tomorrow (or rather later today)

Julie

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 07:51 PM

Good luck, and take care

I'll be thinking of you

Contact me any time if it might help

Jim

PS Remember that you're beautiful and that we care

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: Genie
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 09:14 PM

I wish I knew how to make it better, Julie.  What a painful situation.  You can 'cry on my shoulder,' too, via PM, if you feel the need.

((((((((((Julie))))))))))

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: kendall
Date: 20 Aug 02 - 07:28 PM

Been there, done that, and it sucks. What used to piss me off was, she was happy with someone else. Now, I don't care. You will reach that point too.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 20 Aug 02 - 10:45 PM

Wow. It seems a rash of stuff like this is going on.

I am sorry to see yet another 'Catter dealing with pain. I don't know you, Lass, but I empathise. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 08:10 AM

Okay, here are some friendly words: kindness; respect; compassion; empathy; interest; love; please; thank you.

Wishing you the best.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: SharonA
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 10:13 AM

Julie: I'm so sorry about your troubles. What an awful shock.

This reminds me of a story that was told to me by a guy I was with for a couple of years. He had been married for 28 years and then his wife passed away. At one point during their marriage, he had fallen in love – hard – for another woman, and told his wife about it. Her reaction was to tell him that he had a decision to make: whether to stay with his wife in a relationship that had been stable for many years, or throw the marriage away on a chance that his new attraction might not be just a temporary emotional/hormonal phenomenon. After he was thus compelled to think about what his future might (and might not) be with the other woman, he decided to stay in his marriage. From his account and the accounts of his grown children, it was a strong marriage right up to the day his wife died, and I have no doubt that that particular episode played a part in strengthening it, because the wife had the strength and resolve to say, "You can give up the other woman and stay in the marriage if you want to."

Now, I don't know if your situation is similar, Julie, or if your partner has already decided to leave the marriage. But if things have only gotten to the point that he's fallen for someone else and he's in conflict about whether to stay or go, your partnership may yet be salvagable... if you want it to be. I'm just saying that it's possible, because I know of a partnership that was salvaged in similar circumstances.

At any rate, please post again and let us know how you're doing. We do care! In the meantime, please accept another virtual hug: {{{{{JulieF}}}}}

Sharon

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: mooman
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 11:17 AM

Dear JulieF,

By all means PM me if you need to...always ready to help a friend in need.

Very best regards,

mooman

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 12:25 PM

Try writing a letter and thinking of all the advantages to toughing this out or let him go for a period of time and lie low or move out.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: kendall
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 12:29 PM

There is great pain in being the dumper. There is great pain in being the dumpee too.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,rob
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 12:31 PM

Samaratins are always there for you any time any day . Just call them they are trained to help.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 12:37 PM

My heart goes out to you and if this wrenching situation has one of the partners depending on alcohol it would be best to seek support from a professional. I have been where you are and it is a hard thing to endure but you will make it . Exercise everyday , eat well , love your children (but don't lean on them too heavily ) and have great faith.

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 03:06 PM

Real sorry, Julie. If you are of Faith, and I hope that you are, don't feel hesitant to lean on the Big Guy. Mean while there seem to be a lot of resources that He has presented you with here.

You will get beyond this and the pain you are feeling now will leave you. And I hope this does not sound trite because I have found this to be true in my life but the Lord may very well have something special for you.

Until then, hang in there, Julie... and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: JulieF
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 05:19 PM

Thanks for all the messages. I'm feeling a bit better as my support network here is gathering round. Able just to concentrate on the financial things and sort it out. Still sleeping on the couch as I can't bear to sleep in our bed buta at least I'm sleeping. Resisted the teptation to throw his stuff out in the street as it would have embarrassed our daughter.

Thanks again

Julie

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 07:47 PM

If the dumper hurts as much as the dumpee, why do they always seem to be having so much more fun than the dumpee?

That's the hardest part to bear.... when the dumper continues a life of pleasuring themselves with no regard for the feelings of the dumpee.... I hope he isn't doing that to you.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: kendall
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 09:19 PM

It's a different kind of pain when you are the dumper. AND, we don'r ALWAYS have more fun either!

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: Hollowfox
Date: 22 Aug 02 - 01:08 PM

Add me to the PM list. It happened to me about four years ago. *It's Not Your Fault!*, there's nothing you could have done to change this. Now, girlfriend, here's a few useful tidbits: You're under stress. This means that your reaction time will not be as good (be extra careful driving the car), you'll need more time to think things through when you make a decision. Your short-term memory may well be horrible for a while; write yourself notes and reminders. Your reading comprehention/attention span may go 'way down, but it, like all these other things will return to normal eventually. Even if you like it, avoid Country & Western music, the lyrics are too depressing for the moment (I got this advice from a book!) Alcohol is a depressant. If you do have a glass of something, don't drink alone. Do what you must, then do what you can.

Your concern for your daughter is a very good thing, and it will not be lost on her.

Hugs from Ohio, hollowfox

Subject: RE: BS: just needs some friendly words
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 22 Aug 02 - 02:25 PM

Probably the most important advice I can give you is: Don't react until you have had a chance to think. You are in a lot of pain, as many of us have been. If you need support, all you have to do is call, via PM, with return information so I can get back to you.

Remember that time wounds all heels.

Ultimately the only true gift is our own time.

((()))