what's the worst song you ever heard?3

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jul 18 - 09:52 PM

Steve Shaw!!! I also detested that stupid song about Fred and the girls in the backseat. What a dreadful piece of dreck it was! Thanks (I think....) for the memories. At least we can agree on that even if we can't on Bob Dylan. (grin)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: frogprince
Date: 08 Jul 18 - 09:28 PM

Also way, way down there on my list: "Teddy Bear", by Red Sovine.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 08 Jul 18 - 06:54 PM

Mind you, Send In The Clowns, preferably sung as haltingly, theatrically and tearfully as possible, is also a bloody good contender, as is Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Jeez.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 08 Jul 18 - 06:50 PM

This one, for very personal reasons:

All together now, one, two, three
Keep your mind on your driving
Keep your hands on the wheel
Keep your snoopy eyes on the road ahead
We're having fun, sitting in the backseat
Kissing and a hugging with Fred

Seven little girls in my class, when I was eight years old, decided to enact this song as their party piece in front of the class. Guess who was forced into being Fred. All those smelly little gap-toothed girls a-hugging and a-kissing me. I was never allowed to live it down. It's a recurring nightmare and I'm 67.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Anonymous
Date: 07 Jul 18 - 12:42 AM

My Way ( the narcissists self aggrandizing hymn)
And I Gotra Be Me ( I wish you wouldn't)
are two strong contenders in my playbook.

(True story)
But the absolute worst song I ever heard was in my freshman dorm
when a loudmouth ill mannered brat - who always introduced herself as 'Marsha from Brooklyn' - blasted it out her open windows at full volume so half the quad could hear it. Day and night , 24/7 , Marsha's doting folks must have bought her the most expensive
stereo set on the planet so she could torture her fellow freshmen with the ridiculous
and jejune:

Judy in Disguise (with glasses)

This went on for hours, days, weeks, it seemed like months. We freshmen were
in a tower, and one day, a wise young lady yelled out from her upper floor above
MFB ' hey Marsha from Brooklyn you better shut that damn thing off!'
To which Marsha, sticking her head out the window, replied
'Oh yeah!!!'
At which point, the wise lady from upper floor emptied the mop bucket ( left or borrowed from the cleaning crew) filled with filthy dirty water all down upon
Miserable Marsha's 's head.

Lmao.

Didn't hear that dreaded cacophony again all year. Buy it was too late, to this day
when I tell this story ( which is why I so rarely retell it)
I can still hear that wretched thing thumping in my head - turn it off turn it off turn it OFF!!!!!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: kendall
Date: 06 Jul 18 - 07:47 PM

The little drummer boy. Can you picture a new mother, sleep denied having to put up with some rug rat beating a drum?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mark Ross
Date: 20 May 16 - 04:22 PM

I was booked to play on the press run of The Freedom Train around '73.
We were assaulted by the PA blaring the official song HERE COMES THE FREEDOM TRAIN, recorded in Nashville by Porter Waggoner and the Nashville Philharmonic. I can remember part of one verse;

"George Washington was the engineer John Adams shovelled coal
And Franklin punched the tickets and Tom Paine added soul.",

and it went downhill from there.

Mark Ross

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 May 16 - 03:28 PM

No one has submitted the tune immortalized (?) by Mabel Mercer. She had to sing it; she was in Paris singing at Bricktop's, and two English society gentlemen wrote it for her -- they had deep pockets, the customer is always right, and so on. But it became a standing joke, this song, between her and Cole Porter who was writing truly great songs for her....he got sick of hearing her asked to sing this other song just one more time.

written by Austin C Johnson and Clarence Moore

Thank you for the flowers, my favorite roses too
The moment that I saw them, I knew it came from you
Thank you for this evening, for those happy hours
That we spent together, thank you for the flowers

I shall remember this evening for you've been sweet to me
'Twas heaven on earth to have you here alone with me
Just one more chance to say thank you before we say goodnight
I thought that you'd remember, but
I didn't expect the roses, such roses

Roses of this evening are sure to fade away
But their memory will linger on
When the roses of yesterday are gone

Thank you for those kisses, for that last dance of ours
I'm really very grateful so thank you for the flowers

....and the tune is just as bad.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Vic Smith
Date: 07 Apr 16 - 08:29 AM

Vic, where on earth did you find that?

It has been in a part of my brain since 1962. I hated it then and the hatred has not diminished in the intervening 54 years.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Apr 16 - 02:56 AM

As far as bad songs go I think this takes some beating by Sonseed "Jesus Is My Friend"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Apr 16 - 12:46 AM

I also support Bohemian Rhapsody, which for some inexplicable reason keeps getting voted Best Song Ever, and Jerusalem, now hi-jacked by England's cricketers as their pre-Test anthem.

BR is a funny one to me. At the time, I thought it brilliant but theses days I'm more inclined to think it goes a bit up it's own backside with pretentiousness. Changing tastes eh?

I've never understood the appeal of Jerusalem. I dislike it and cringe when it is used as a sporting anthem. This by contrast I think makes a good one Maybe one day England will find an anthem I like..

Vic, where on earth did you find that? I stopped before the "male choir". I'd heard enough.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 16 - 12:17 AM

How do you feel about "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on my Head"?

Or "Copacabana"?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bugsy
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 10:06 PM

Tie a Bloody Yellow Shaggin Ribbon Round the Poxin Old Bastard Oak Tree.

Makes me want to vomit.

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: LadyJean
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 09:33 PM

I once heard "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" sung in Chinese. It was an experience.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 07:14 PM

I just listened to "West of the Wall", Vic. Wow. Pretty awful, alright. I only got part way through it, though. I bailed out shortly after the men's chorus part ended. And, yes...that part IS even worse than the rest of the song, and that is quite an accomplishment!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Vic Smith
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 02:41 PM

Well, it must be said that the link posted above by Dick Miles and sung (mumbled?) by his namesake is truly awful.

It must be a strong contender.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: The Sandman
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 02:13 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us8esS0I4Bk

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: JHW
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 10:27 AM

I don't know. Brain has thankfully erased all but the memory of the occasion. Somewhere off to the right of the road to the Lake District (West of the M6) there was a Folk Club in an upstairs room.
For the only time in dozens of years of folk clubs I absolutely couldn't stand any more and WALKED OUT AND DOWN THE STAIRS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SONG and have never been back

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Vic Smith
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 07:55 AM

I want to make a strong case for the 1962 hit song West Of The Wall written by Wayne Shanklin and recorded by his wife Toni Fisher. It has every quality that you would expect from a truly awful song and performance:-

* It has deplorably trite lyrics with an appallingly simplified political message that bears no relation to or understanding of the actual facts of the situation at the time.
* It has a simple but irritating tune that stays with you despite it being drivel.
* The singer uses a sickly, sentimental voice that brings thoughts of strangulation; it would seem to have no relevance to the subject of the song
* The strummy accompaniment is puerile even by the low standards of the pop music of 1962.
* The middle eight sung by a male chorus is of a lower standard than the rest of the performance - just when you think that such a thing was not possible.

It is possible to listen to this on Youtube by clicking here but please do not do anything rash or hasty after listening. Please contact me by PM and I will reply with your local Suicide Prevention Lifelines.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Mike Rogers
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 06:08 AM

From the early 1950s, a ghastly song called Twenty Tiny Fingers, the chorus of which is
Twenty tiny fingers, twenty tiny toes,
Two angel faces, each with a turned up nose.
One looks like mommy, with a cute little curl on top,
And the other one's got a big bald spot, exactly like his pop.

The verses are too sickly to print.

I also support Bohemian Rhapsody, which for some inexplicable reason keeps getting voted Best Song Ever, and Jerusalem, now hi-jacked by England's cricketers as their pre-Test anthem.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: BobL
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 03:52 AM

Agree with LadyJean - Honey. Treacle, more like.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Rodge
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 03:45 AM

Any Neil Young whinefest

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Dave Illingworth
Date: 06 Apr 16 - 03:31 AM

Bohemian Rhapsody

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Apr 16 - 11:26 PM

Thanks AGAIN to this classic thread for so many great laughs and hideous reminders of truly dreadful songs!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: LadyJean
Date: 05 Apr 16 - 08:44 PM

"Honey" came out the summer my grandmother died of cancer. I was 13, and got to experience a fair amount of the horror. I have, since then, avoided anything that made terminal illness sound romantic. The Smothers Brothers did a beautiful send up of "Honey" on their TV show.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,DT
Date: 05 Apr 16 - 08:42 PM

[From: Paul Reade - I think Engelbert Humperdinck's Lesbian Seagull takes some beating!!]

We have a winner! :-)
Holy moley, how the average have fallen. Shame on you, Hump.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Rodge
Date: 05 Apr 16 - 10:28 AM

Walking in the air
Jerusalem

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Paul Reade
Date: 05 Apr 16 - 08:58 AM

I think Engelbert Humperdinck's Lesbian Seagull takes some beating!!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Dave
Date: 05 Apr 16 - 06:39 AM

I can distinctly recall, though its a long time ago, hearing Little Boxes for the first time on the radio on the school bus, driving through Hatfield. It seemed very apposite at the time (though at the time I probably would not have known what apposite mean't). Reading the lyrics again, I think it has stood the test of time.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Dave
Date: 05 Apr 16 - 06:32 AM

Yellow River must be in there with a shout.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: banjoman
Date: 05 Apr 16 - 05:23 AM

Don't really have a contender for worst song ever, but I HATE anything sung by June Tabor.
I did once write song called Fire Auto & Marine about a Dr. Suvundra and a huge Insurance scam. Thankfully the song was never played in public

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Lin
Date: 05 Apr 16 - 02:35 AM

Three songs by Gary Puckett & the Union Gap:
1. Young Girl
2. This Girl Is A Woman Now
3. Lady Will Power

Hate all three songs - geez, seems like he is hung up on young girls or something. Too many songs on the same theme and stupid lyrics.
Not a fan of any of his songs, but especially those three.

I am a fan of Bruce Springsteen and have a few of his albums. I especially like his "Nebraska" album and other albums...but the one song that I could not stand was "Born in the USA" Hate the vocals and lyrics.

I am also a huge John Denver fan. Have almost every album and books about him. But one song I never liked by John Denver was,
"Thank God I'm A Country Boy" (which was featured in the movie too.)
I know a lot of people love that song, gets them clapping their hands and singing along but I just could never stand that song - other then that song I love the music of John Denver and even remember where I was when I heard the terrible news about his death.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 12:02 PM

Disagree with your premise, keberoxu. Nothing to do with how many times I have heard it, which has been as few as possible. Nobody has 'forced it down my ears' any times that I could avoid it. I think it qualifies from my pov for the thread title because I think it is a patronising & unwarranted attack on the legitimate aspirations of ordinary people. Tom Lehrer described it as "the most sanctimonious song ever written".

Sorry if even this much conflict has made you 'squeamish'; but you chose to defend the song against my animadversions -- on what appears to me the irrelevant consideration that you once heard Pete Seeger, whom you admire, sing it. I have always been much surprised, indeed, that he ever gave it any countenance.

≈M≈

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 11:35 AM

Little Boxes is only the worst of songs if you have had it forced down your ears too many times. Only time I ever heard it sung was in concert by Pete Seeger, where the song was enthusiastically received and then we all moved on to the next song, as one does. So thanks for the memories, Mr. Seeger, sir, and nobody else is going to spoil them for me. As for a "do you like" thread, conflict makes me squeamish, so that thread may carry on without me.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: David C. Carter
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 07:34 AM

"Atlantis"
by Donovan,anything by him makes me cringe.

Same with David Bowie

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 04:19 AM

Little Boxes.

Have refreshed my old thread about it.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 04:15 PM

Probably something I can't remember or switched off to.

Many would agree that Agadoo is bad but it is catchy and can get one listening.

There is plenty that hasn't even passed my own "listening filters".

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 03:29 PM

Fields of Apple Pie / (Athenry)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,DTM
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 01:23 PM

Though I really like Smokey Robinson, I've always loathed his song "Being With You". Does my nut in every time I hear it.

Also, as mentioned by previous posters, Honey by Bobby Goldsboro is a total pukefest.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 12:42 PM

"Dear Santa, Have You Had The Measles?"

I haven't heard the hit version, supposedly by a daughter of Cab Calloway.
This thing got arranged for mixed-voice chorus, and the arrangement turned up at my high school back in the day. Everybody in the chorus vetoed it except for one cheerleader -- I'm not making this up.

The plot of the song is that this little kid's house is under quarantine ( although the lyrics don't use the Q word ) and the kid is afraid that they won't let Santa Claus visit the house with Christmas presents.

And with the choral version, the final chorus pulls a Barry Manilow and jumps up one chromatic half-step, in the major mode. Whilst the chorus in the background, sings in waltz time:

[oomp] Mea-sles!
[oomp] Mea-sles!
[oomp] Mea-sles!
[oomp] Mea-sles!

I was never so proud of my high school chorus as when they refused to perform this song.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Genie
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 12:29 AM

Well, if we're not restricted to "known" songs, I'd have to nominate a song written and performed by a local Portland (OR) band called "The Pipsqueaks" back in the mid '80s.   These guys rode with me from Portland to the Bay Area in my car (riders found via the ride board at Portland State, long before the days of Craigslist), and, aside from their pretty much shafting me in terms of fair compensation for the ride and a couple of them drinking themselves sick in my backseat w/o my knowledge and then puking all over the side of my car, they quickly burned through the batteries in my portable radio by playing a tape of their own 'compositions', one of which was a rock song with everything about it forgettable except for the "hook" line: "She left me to suck another man's dick."

Fortunately, I've never heard anything anywhere near that bad on commercial radio.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Lash LaRue
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 09:48 PM

(God Didn't Make) Little Green Apples
(Bongo, Bongo, Bongo) I Don't Want to Leave the Congo (Danny Kaye and the Andrews Sisters)
Wiggle, Wiggle (Dylan)
Don't Think, Feel (Neil Diamond)
Fandango (Abba)
Sunny
Convoy
Waylon, Willie and Me (David Allen Coe)
Bohemian Rhapsody

Lash LaRue

PS: I'm rather fond of As Time Goes By . . .

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,I'm not here, right?
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 04:10 AM

Anything by Chinn and Chapman (The Sweet, Mud, Suzi Quatro, New World, Middle of the road). "We thought we knew her name/But she turned out just the same." What??
Most of Noel Gallagher's output - tunes are ok but lyrics are just a load of clichés collected together: songwriting by numbers.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: beeliner
Date: 19 Jul 10 - 04:55 PM

I see probably a couple of dozen above that are among my favorites.

"Transfusion" was absolutely brilliant, especially the tag line:

"Barnyard drivers are found in two classes: lane-crowding hogs and speeding jackasses."

When I first heard Peggy Lee sing "Is That All There Is?", I thought to myself, "Is that all there is to this song?" I guess that would be my candidate for the worst.

But give me a day and I'll think of a few more.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Patsy Warren
Date: 19 Jul 10 - 07:32 AM

I have a list of them old and recent:-

Any Old Iron.
My Old Man.
Time to get Ready for Love (what chauvenistic crap).
Roses are Red my love, Violets are Blue (infact any drippy ballad.)
10/4 Rubber Ducky (England's answer to Convoy).
D I V O R C E.
Old Shep.
He's My Japanese Boy.
Baby Sitting Boogie.
Shut Up a Ya Face.
Ernie.
The Smurf Song.
I'm Going Overboard with a Capital O.
Anything by Sonia.
Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep.
Anything that Tony Blackburn reckoned to be great.
But do you love me Daddy (Jim Reeves) retch!!
Any song where pop lyrics have been put to classical music
Motor Biking (singer was a part time Womble).
Chop Chop Chop(Sweet).
They swam and they swam right over the Dam.
Welcome Home.
Your the One that I Want (Hilda Baker's version).
Altogether in a Floral Dance (Terry Wogan).
Captain Beaky and his Band (Keith Michell).
I'm a Tiger (Lulu).
Billy Don't Be a Hero.
I've been to Paradise but I've never been to me (had two crying infants then and I just wanted to grab singer by the throat).
Motown doing Christmas songs (including Michael Jackson just on this occasion).
The dopey song from Pete's Dragon, I love you too.
Gypsies Tramps and Thieves (Cher).
Patches I'm Depending on you Son (depressing or what?).
Bridgit the Midget and the equally bad They call him the Streak both by Ray Stevens.
Any manufactured pink clubby pop pap.
Jive Bunny.

Time to Get Ready for Love is the ultimate worst song I have ever heard.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 02:50 PM

Surfin' Bird?

D-I-V-O-R-C-E?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Jayto
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 02:36 PM

I was waiting to see one of mine listed haha. I DISAGREE with olddude as well. 100% totally disagree with you my friend.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Larry Saidman
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 02:04 PM

Musically: It's a toss-up between What's New Pussycat and Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.

Lyrically: I have to agree with those who chose "Honey".

On the other hand, I think MacArthur Park like many of Jimmy Webb songs is fascinating. And Seasons in the Sun is a great song--but not the Terry Jacks butchery of the original translation (listen to it by Tom Rapp (Pearls Before Swine), Kingston Trio, or Bud Dashiell).

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Patsy Warren
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 03:57 AM

Grandma we love you (r-e-t-c-h!)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 09:52 AM

I vehemently disagree with olddude.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: The Sandman
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 09:52 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0zAr1t6nTE

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: olddude
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 09:49 AM

Pretty much any song that I have written myself

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Chorusgirl
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 08:23 AM

Sex Bomb - Sex Bomb. Tom Jones. YUK. Less of a sex bomb I've yet to see.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Joe G
Date: 09 Aug 08 - 06:06 PM

'Young banker' is always one that makes me shudder but for sheer awfulness the first track on 'And Did Those Feet' 'Best of 1997 - 2007' - which I had the misfortune to review, takes some beating - anyone who reads Tykes News in Yorkshire can look forward to squirming to the first verse in said review

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 09 Aug 08 - 06:00 PM

"Horse With No Name"

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Dave MacKenzie
Date: 09 Aug 08 - 05:59 PM

Don't anyone tell Mr Happy! I shudder to think what that'll sound like to the tune of "Ellen Vannin".

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Ambrt
Date: 09 Aug 08 - 07:44 AM

Oh I like tha. I will never hear that song again (if I ever do) without hearing that!

Amber

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: eddie1
Date: 09 Aug 08 - 06:06 AM

Someone chose a Ken Dodd song as their worst. There was a time when I would have agreed until someone explained that the spelling was wrong. It's actually;

A Penis, a Penis
The greatest gift that I possess
I thank the lord that I've been blessed
With more than my share of a Penis.

Now it all makes sense.

Eddie

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Amber
Date: 09 Aug 08 - 05:01 AM

Well, I just HATE 'Stand by Your Man'!

It is gruesome! Both words and tune.

Amber

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Genie
Date: 09 Aug 08 - 03:17 AM

I'm prob'ly gonna get skewered for this, but IMO "Give Yourself To Love" is by far the worst song Kate Wolf ever wrote -- at least in terms of the chorus. Kate was an incredible lyricist, displaying vivid and distinctive, memorable imagery in nearly every song she wrote. But the chorus of GYTL is, IMO, on a par with "Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream" and The Beatles' "So This Is Christmas" when it comes to Hallmark-card level trite lyrics.

You must give yourself to love
If love is what you're after.
Open up your heart to the tears and laughter
And give yourself to love,
Give yourself to love.

It's far, far from the worst song I've ever heard. (I think Paul Anka's "Having My Baby" and Cool & The Gang's "Joanna" have that 'honor' sewn up.) But it stands out in my mind, muchas "Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream" does, precisely because it's done way too often -- instead of many much better songs.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Joe_F
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 09:23 PM

In _1984_ music is not used for torture, altho there is mention of a Hate Song, an anthem (Oceania, 'Tis for Thee), and sentimental love songs written by machinery for the proles.

In the real world, however, I have read that subsequent developments in popular music, which Orwell was spared, were used by the FBI & BATF to deprive the inhabitants of that commune in Waco of their sleep & sanity, and subsequently by the U.S. Army for the same purpose in prisons in Iraq (I had not heard about Noriega). I am gratified to know that three agencies of my government agree with me about what recent popular music is good for, but I do wonder about one delicate legal point. Does such a use count as a public performance? And if so, were the copyright owners duly paid?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 02:10 PM

Yes, Severn and Neil D. I agree.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 12:52 PM

Anything in rap and most of hip-hop. I don't know how many share this view, but I don't see either category as music, per se. They have words and rhythm, but no melodic line and no discernable musical form. I don't personally care for either category at all, but I can respect those who are fans. I simply think they ought to be taken out of the field of music and placed into a category called "word play" or "performance art."

I also don't find much to like about disco music. As one musician friend labelled it, "Rhythm and blues for people who have neither."

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 10:06 AM

When the U.S. Army had Manuel Noriega of Panama surrounded in his Presidential compound they brought in concert P.A. systems and blasted Heavy Metal music at him in an attempt to make him surrender.
I think Country music would have been more effective. He might have become suicidal.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Severn
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:33 PM

leenia,

In the movie "1-2-3" with James Cagney, Horst Bucholtz as an East German prisoner was tortured by repeated playings of "Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny Yellw Polka-Dot Bikini" in an attempt to make him talk. Is that what you had in mind?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:10 PM

Songs don't exist in a vacuum. They can be bad because they're all wrong for the time and place.

A couple years ago I was standing on a sidewalk of hot, white concrete, watching our luggage while my husband got the car. I was forced to listen to some guy belt out

tum tum tum tum ti tum aftTER the lovin'

over and over. Every time he got to the 'TER' he blasted it out, grining the 'r' nearly to death. Like there was a danger he would be mistaken for an upper-class twit, and he wanted to make that wouldn't happen.

Standing on the hot, white concrete, I was in no mood for the picture he brought to my mind - a big naked guy sitting on the edge of a bed with his floppy #^&^^& half upright and a glistening drop of *%^$#@ on the tip of it.

One final thing - belting has two parts. Part one is belting out a syllable. Part two is stopping. A lot of people, like this guy, have not figured out stopping, which is the harder part. He belted out 'TER' and then his control failed each time, producing a sick swoop. This effect was played again and again, as repetitiously as a cuckoo clock going 'cuckoo.' (No doubt a sound engineer had simply recorded the same bit over and over.)

Was there anything in the book '1984' about Big Brother making people listen to music they didn't want to hear?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 11:10 AM

"Please Come To Boston"

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: frogprince
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 01:34 PM

Hadn't thought of Mrs. Miller in most of a lifetime. She was one of the living proofs of one great truth:

    Songs don't kill people; people kill songs.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 12:55 PM

Do any of the elder statespersons aboard remember that old chart-buster, Mrs. Miller? Virtually every song she ever "performed?" would qualify, hands-down!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Blue
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 08:49 AM

When and if i ever hear a decent version, i'll let you know. Maybe it was me youth that was the fault.
P.S. I love McArthur Park, Jimmy Webb is a pretty amazing if slightly strange guy

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 07:49 PM

Three words: "Donk-a-shayne, daahling, donk-a-shayne...."

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Midchuck
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 01:54 PM

My wife favors "Towser Jenkins" (on the one album Jim Ringer did for the Patons, 'way back) as the worst. But I rather enjoy it.

Great minds don't always think alike.

Peter.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:22 PM

Guesty, Blue, that is "Close the Coalhouse door" and it is a really great song, adn teh recording by teh Elliott Family is truly excellent.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 08:43 AM

'.........someone left the cake out in the rain!'


http://www.geocities.com/bjaes.geo/lyrics/mcarthur.htm

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Severn
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 01:29 AM

"Transfusion" was a better song than Nervous Norvous' other hit "Ape Call" (My oldest sister had 45's of both), for what that's worth. However I've heard a lot worse. Think of it as anticipating both Dave Edmunds' "Crawling From The Wreckage" and Paul Simon's "50 Ways To Lose Your Lover" by quite a few years.

"I Like Ike" was probably the worst of a sorry lot since the days of Herbert Hoover's campaign song "If he's Good Enough For Lindy, He's Good Enough For Me" which said nothing much about its candidate or his politics other than the fact he had Charles Lindbergh's endorsement.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: fumblefingers
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:37 AM

Old Hippie

Yes, "Transfusion" is my pick for the worst. But I was mainly thinking of the 50s. "Teen Angel", "Tell Laura I Love Her" and similar syrupy 60s songs make me grab for the volume knob as well.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Songster Bob
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 09:16 PM

Off-subject somewhat, but someone up there a ways mentioned Radio Luxembourg, and it brought back a memory of a tape I heard many's the year ago, of a program called, "Land of a thousand [sound of breaking glass]." It was from some Scandinavian country, Sweden, I think, and it was the Goon show on steroids (which they didn't have then, but what the hey?).

Can anyone point me to a source of info on this phenomenon? Thanks.

Now, back to the subject. I have heard many bad songs, over the years, most of them not popular enough to be recorded, thank God (the tendency of people to sing their own songs at open stages is not a new one).

That said, "I Like Ike" was pretty bad, even for its genre. In fact, most political songs -- campaign songs -- are terrible. Luckily, politicians eschew them these days.

Bob Clayton

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: oldhippie
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 08:51 PM

fumblefingers, you really think "Transfusion" is worse than say "Angel Baby" or "First Name Initial" , "Alley Oop", or many other similar songs?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 07:26 PM

For Harold Shipman;
Hey ho, hey ho, it's off to work I go,
With me stethoscope and me bag of dope,
Hey ho, hey ho, hey ho.........

And that's just the chorus: can't possibly post the rest

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 07:20 PM

200

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: fumblefingers
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 09:11 PM

Del Reeves had a bit hit with "Girl on the Billboard." While not a particularly good song, there are thousands worse.

"Transfusion," by Nervous Norvus, is about the worst rock and roll song of the 50s--maybe of all time.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 09:04 PM

Lyrics don't come much better than this:

Cha Cha Slide

Clap your hands everybody
Slide to the left
take it back now yal
One hop this time
Right foot lets stomp
Left foot lets stomp
Cha Cha now yal
To the left
Take it back now yal
Two hops this time
Two on the left
Two on the right
Cha Cha now yal
Slide to the right
Slide to the left
Take it back now yal
One hop this time
Right foot lets stomp
Left foot lets stomp
Charlie Brown
Cha Cha now yal
Five hops this time
Touch your knees
how low can you go
can go down low
All the way to floor
Can you bring it the top
like you never never stop
One hop this time
Right foot lets stomp
Left lets stomp
Reverse Reverse
Reverse Reverse
Cha Cha now y'all

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Dave MacKenzie
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 07:48 PM

I've been trying to erase them all from memory, however "Delila" has surfaced. (Apart from the versions by Alex Harvey and the Leningrad Cowboys - everybody else just does a jolly old sing-a-long; when they do it you know this guy's really lost it!)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Def Shepard
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 12:38 PM

Anything, and I do mean ANYTHING recorded by Celine Dion * runs off to the bathroom*

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: dwditty
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 12:07 PM

Peace & Ranger Steve, I quite agree with Horse with No Name and just about everyother song they did - AIn;t it foggy outside, indeed. But my all time favorite song to hate is Neil Dialnd's I Am, I Said in which he becomes even more depressed when his chair won't even talk to him. Mr. Diamond, your Barcalounger is on line 1.

dw

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Geoff Wallis
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 11:40 AM

Bobby McFerrin's 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' - when we drove across the US it was on the radio (no matter which station) virtually all the time. The only exception was a station called something like 'The Voice of God in Las Vegas' which was all we could get in a desert region.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Seaking
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 06:01 AM

If you play along with it in a dropped D tuning it's still better than 'Lovely day'...

Chris

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,extremely norman
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 04:34 AM

The suggestions so far are tunes that would be liked by *somebody*

This is appalling.
Nobody will like it.
It's so bad, it's funny.

Jeg kan en sang der kan drive dig til vanvid

It's even a little kind of....folkie..... sort of...... maybe...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: olddude
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 10:47 PM

For me, Harper Valley PTA ranks right up there

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Blue
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 10:55 AM

Some woman singing in a pub in Worcestershire about Bairns dying the coal shed,
'there's Bairns there
'there's bairns there
Oh my god she went on and on and on
Put me off folk for 20 years

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 10:11 AM

'Germany, Germany,Germany...'

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2DnUxLISFcA

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 10:08 AM

Bill Withers - Lovely day

Always sounds like he's singing 'Germany, Germany,Germany...'

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Seaking
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 06:14 AM

Easy !   Bill Withers - Lovely day.

Radio 2 play the thing repeatedly, it drives me to distraction.

Its a lovely dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

luvly day, luvly day....



(repeat endlessly)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Golightly
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 05:23 AM

Wonderful Tonight! I agree. The poor woman gets to look wonderful while she carts her p**s artist bloke off home and puts him to bed. Yuk.

And what about Are You Lonesome Tonight's "do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?"

Do I gaze at my doorstep??

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Critic In The Attic
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 03:08 AM

Wonderful Tonight
Leaving On A Jet Plane
Ride On
Streets Of London
Oh and I mustn't forget that pile of crap where a finger is inserted in one ear and the singer croaks "I flew too close to the candle"

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: glueman
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 03:03 AM

A difficult one. Country songs don't count because sentimentality is their whole reason to exist. Novelty records are aimed at children so a mature appreciation is missing the point. Lounge/swing/easy is nothing if not ironic so that's Sinatra, Manilow, Monroe and Mathis out the reckoning.

It may well be a folk record but I'll have to ponder.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mick Woods
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 03:02 AM

Some awful crap by the beatles that found it's way onto my IPod that went something like "I'd rather see you dead, little girl, than see you with another man" vomit!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Kiki
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 12:56 AM

Honey. Of course Honey. The first time I heard it I was seriously convinced that it would end with her leaving him because he was always mocking her and laughing at her. Might have made a better song. But probably nothing would have made it better.

But even worse was a song called, "What Do You Do When Your Girl Says No?" by some Bobby something or other several years ago. A local radio station used to play it occasionally because it was so bad. The lyrics went something like:

What do you do when your girl says no
Whoa-ho whoa-ho
I'd like to know.

You go to your room and start to cry
Then you ask yourself why oh why
Why did she do it?
Why did she do it?
Why oh why?

And so on.   The delivery was every bit as stirring as the lyrics themselves.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Joe_F
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:12 PM

I am happy to say that I have escaped almost all of the songs mentioned in this thread. However, in response to an early posting, I should confess that I actually like some of the Singing Nun (Soeur Sourire) songs, especially Tous les Chemins, Resurrection, and Entre les Etoiles. I am also pro-Christmas-carol.

Among songs that turn up in folkie circles, I think I would give the prize to "Harriet Tubman". One long incoherent mixed metaphor containing no information about its nominal subject. Another such song, whose insipidity makes me cringe, is "Bridges".

Of course, if the stuff that comes out of the loudspeakers these days counts as songs, then they all belong in one big lump at the bottom.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Dave MacKenzie
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:09 PM

Glad someone mentioned "Caledonia", my wife and I used to sing together until she asked me to accompany her singing it - now we only do tunes. And I once didn't walk out when it was being sung, but only because I was waiting to sing the singer's least favourite song!

Apart from that, "Mack the Knife", apart from the Armstrong and Fitzgerald versions - I really love "Mackie Messer".

Anything sung to Crimond - the 1947 Royal Wedding's got a lot to answer for - Psalm 23 is great to Wiltshire or Martyrdom as recommended in the 1929 Scottish Psalter.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: RangerSteve
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 05:28 PM

Two more I just thought of: The Telephone Man - more of a recitation, about getting laid by the telephone installer.

And the one with the refrain : I've been to everywhere, but I've never been to Me.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: RangerSteve
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 05:21 PM

Peace's mention of "Horse With No Name" reminded me of another, by the same group, I believe, with one of the worst rhymes ever:
"I understand You've been running from the man
Who goes by the name of the Sandman.
He rules the sky like an eagle in the eye
Of a hurricane that's abandoned."

Is a hurricane that's abandoned worse that a hurricane that isn't?
And how do you abandon a hurricane? Do other hurricanes have owners?
And does an eagle in the eye of a hurricane really rule the sky? Sounds to me like he's actually in one heck of a bind. A least until the hurricane is over. Oh, well. Maybe I'm missing something.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:36 PM

Shameful confession time. I actually really like that 'Bingo' song. Not because it has any particular musical merit, but for reasons of nostalgia.
Radio Luxembourg ('your ringa-ding swingin' station of the stars', or 'The Great 208' to disgracefully modern types) used it as the theme for their Radio Bingo Show.
They would broadcast this live 'from The Grand Duchy' to participating Bingo Halls and here I must introduce a note of puzzlement.
Those of a certain age will recall that Luxembourg was almost our only source of pop music in Britain at that time (1961 was three years before Radio Caroline sailed into our lives). The signal from Luxembourg was strong but decidedly ropey and notorious for its long slow fades.
So here's the puzzling thing: If the pop music faded in and out so much, then so would the bingo numbers.
Imagine Mrs Brown at the Mecca Bingo Hall, Penge, needing only one number for a full house. Just at the crucial moment, with Mrs B almost beside herself with excitement, atmospheric conditions kick in and the signal fades out. How does Mrs Brown (or anyone else)know whether she has that all-important winning number?
I know, I know - very likely they had a fixed telephone link or somesuch, but that spoils the story.
The other thing about the Bingo song is that, although the lyrics are trite and banal almost to the point of insanity, the song had a cracking tune. I'd love to hear it again. Does anyone know if it's available anywhere on CD, or as an MP3?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:25 PM

Remember the Smothers Brothers tour of the Honey House? The souvenier shop sold little wrecked cars.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:15 PM

NO CONTEST.

Horse With No F&^$%&# Name

followed closely by

Stairway to Heaven

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: oldhippie
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:06 PM

For me, the worst song is "Movin' Out", it never fails to give me a heart attack-ack-ack-ack   .....ack.

There are worse vocals, but the songs are better.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Acorn4
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 02:03 PM

When it comes to dross Country and Western will always feature heavily, won't it. One of my personal favourites by Pam Tillis:-

"They call me Cleopatra 'cos I'm the Queen of De Nile"

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:49 PM

Here I Stand
Three verses - one by the bride who loves the best man another by the best man who thinks the groom doesn't know and last by the groom who knows it all.

Each verse ends with
He/she loves him so
Oh lord don't let him/her know
That he's/she's I second best in her heart.


no woner the divorce rate is so high.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: The Sandman
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:24 PM

Tiptoe through the tulips,
theyre coming to take him away.ha ha.
knock knock there coming in the window,knock knock they are coming in the door.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:21 PM

Lesley Gore's old hit, "It's My Party" from the early '60's, I think. That's one. As the late Jimmy Durante used to say, "I got a million of 'em, a million of 'em."

By way of injecting controversy, how about Jimmy Buffet's classy "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw?" In the same category, there's Kinky Friedman's ol anthem dedicated to Gloria Steinem and womens' lib, "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed!"

What's great about this list is the near-perfect illustration of the old maxim, "One person's meat is another's poison." I saw several songs I still like listed as dreck, while others I detest were favorites of some folks.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:23 PM

FEEEELLLLLIIINNNNGGSSSSS!!! WHOW WHOW WHOW FFFFEEEEEELLLLLIIIIIIIIINNGS!!!


or


Let it please be him
OH DEAR GOD!
It must be him. It must be him

or

Please Mister please
Don't play B17
It was our song; it was his song
But it's O-o-o-ver.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: JedMarum
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:57 AM

hands down, the worst song ever written is Manilow's

I Write The Songs

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:49 AM

At Fleetwood Folk Club we had a theme night "I know a song worse that that!" There were some absolutly dreadful ones including "The Boers have got my daddy", "There's a little box of pine on the seven forty nine", "Teen angel", all cringingly awful [not the singing of, just the songs] but the one voted the worst of the evening was "I was born in Portland Town, yes I was, yes I was".

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:21 AM

I note that I never did reply to Snuffy 4 years ago about "The Tennessee Bird Walk"


But, if you really want to experience it, we now have on YouTube!

It is also here, as a sound file, with lyrics, so you can be assured that is REALLY what you thought you heard them sing.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:07 AM

Oh, Jeri! Thank you! I have had this upset tummy for days now, and I thought nothing could cure it....but THAT set of lyrics made me gag & upchuck. I'm all better now......

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Jeri
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:37 AM

I probably wrote the worst song I've ever heard. If so, I've blocked it. There are bad songs I don't mind. My current beef is space-filler songs. You know--the ones that seem like they're on the CD only because: "Hey, we gotta extra 8 minutes here. Why doncha write another song?"

This one is at the top of my list. Very few things will make me turn the radio completely off in disgust, and this song is one. You may like it and that's OK. Just make the bad song stay away from ME.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:30 AM

BINGO (Dave Carey, 1961)

Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Kelly's eye, I'm the guy and she's my number one
Number three, up a tree, she's got me on the run
Number five, man alive, by all the stars above
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Number two, Little Boy Blue, is what I used to be
Number four, on the floor, so full of misery
Till she was sweet, my key of the door and now we're hand-in-glove
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Hear my heart go clickety-click when I'm with my box-o-tricks
Number seven, I'm in heaven, gazing at those legs eleven


Lucky for some proved to be a lucky day for me
Number eight, at the gate, she said she'd marry me
Like two little ducks and a cock and hen, we coo like turtle doves
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


(Kelly's eye), I'm the guy and she's my number one
(Number three), Up a tree, she's got me on the run
(Number five), Man alive, by all the stars above
(Bingo!) Bingo! I'm in love


(Number two), Little Boy Blue, is what I used to be
(Number four), On the floor, so full of misery
Till she was sweet, my key of the door and now we're hand-in-glove
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Hear my heart go clickety-click when I'm with my box-o-tricks
Number seven, I'm in heaven, gazing at those legs eleven


Lucky for some proved to be a lucky day for me
Number eight, at the gate, she said she'd marry me
Like two little ducks and a cock and hen, we coo like turtle doves
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love
(Bingo! He's in love) BINGO!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:08 AM

Shuduppayourface - Joe Dolce.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Acorn4
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 07:46 AM

Sometimes it's down to context - I was helping to put up a Dutch barn once, and we had to hire a crane for the day. The driver insisted on singing:

"Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy" non stop all day.

It was p***ing down with rain at the time which didn't improve my opinion of that one.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: kendall
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 07:42 AM

Can't stand Frank Sinatra. Everything he sang sounded like he was making it up as he went along.

Barrett's Privateers is a damn good song, and Little Drummer boy sucks!
I mean, can you imagine what a mother would do if some scruffy street urchin came in a started banging a drum while her baby was asleep?

Rudolph the rednose reindeer is near the top of the shit list too.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Acorn4
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 04:41 AM

One ot two earlier posters mentioned Red Sovine:-

I think "Little Rosa" is probably the worst of the lot by him although we're spolit for choice really there.

I reckon "I Understand" by the G-Clefs must be up there someahere.

In a lot of cases it's just something about a song that grtaes on your nerves:

I particularly found:-

"All I need is the air that I breathe and to l-u -r -vvv- e you"

particularly annoying.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 02:50 AM

Always a winner thread topic.........

Okay......to repeat myself........ANYTHING ever done or thought about being done by Red Sovine........"Giddy-up go Daddy...Giddy-up Go."............yeah right.....just take all of Red's bullshit and giddy it's ass up and on outta' here. What crap!

And I can't let one of these go past without mentioning Bobby Goldsboro and "Honey."........Ain't that just the sappiest piece of shit you ever heard? Makes for good parody though........
See my stiff dick, I'm so afraid
Now since you're dead I can't get laid
I needa' fuck!

Then of course there's the David Bowie thing about Major Tom the psychotic astronaut.........
Ground Control to Major Tom
You really have fucked up
........or words to that effect. It's aptly titled "Space Oddity".........now ain't that the truth? Little Hawk will be along to explain the deeper meanings of this winner and it's relationship to the Cosmos, the Tri-Lateral Commision, and a Lithuanian pants presser named Harold.........Whatever it is, YOU figure it out!

Spaw

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 02:10 AM

A while ago, while I was looking for something else on the web, I came across a country song called 'She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy' which tells the unlikely tale of a somewhat dimwitted American farm boy whose girlfriend is, allegedly, turned on by his...er...tractor.

A clear case of hope over experience, I should think, and guaranteed to induce tractor envy.

I'm not saying this is the worst song I ever heard, mind you, just the oddest.

The too-frequent repetition of songs can have unfortunate consequences.

At the first Middlewich Festival (in 1990, fact fans) we ran a talent competition for all comers. Nowhere in the rules did it state that (nearly) every contestant should treat us to his/her version of 'Streets Of London', but that is exactly what happened.
This made such an impression that, when subsequent festivals were being planned, the talent show was always referred to as the Streets of London Contest.

The whole episode cast a shadow over this fine song which has never really lifted.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: mg
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:58 AM

I think they sing them at my church..several...mg

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 May 06 - 07:51 PM

I detest most of the radio christmas songs too. With a passion. There's the odd one, though, that has some beauty to it...like one in 40 or 50 of them.

Janice - most people's definition of "worst" songs would be: "the ones I like the least".

That makes their choices pretty subjective.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 May 06 - 07:21 PM

Christmas songs. All of them....

A mooris man singing the sex pistols 'Anarchy in the UK' makes quite an imression, especially with the slight tweaking of 'is the DFSS?' to 'is the the EFDSS?'

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Muttley
Date: 23 May 06 - 06:50 PM

The answer to Janice in NJ is ......................YES !!!!!

BTW - another contribution for personal reasons. Used to LOVE this one - - REALLY 'grunty' rock tune and a 'biker' anthem for years; A song VERY easy to belt along with - however, given that EVERY rock / rock covers band at EVERY bike show / biker weekend etc PLAYS the damn thing in their repertoire and having heard it now about a zillion times - and most of them VERY ordinary renditions at that; Now it just makes me wanna puke.

It is (in case you haven't already fathomed it out) - - - - - -

Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf

Closely followed bt Golden Earring's 'Radar Love'

Muttley

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Janice in NJ
Date: 23 May 06 - 04:15 PM

This all depends upon what you mean by "the worst song ever heard." Do you mean...

• Most inane lyrics?

• Most pretentious lyrics?

• Most confused or incomprehensible lyrics?

• Most obnoxious, hurtful, or disgusting lyrics?

• Most inane tune?

• Most pretentious tune?

• Most confused or incomprehensible tune?

• Most jarring, grating, or unmelodious tune?

• Worst mismatch of lyrics and tune?

• Worst arrangement of an otherwise good song?

• Worst performance of an otherwise good song?

• Some combination of the above?

• Something else entirely?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Muttley
Date: 23 May 06 - 08:58 AM

Little Hawk made the following observation: "Helen Reddy is a serious contender, no doubt about that! She and Paul Anka could have married and made...umm...extraordinary music together"

Actually Hawk I must, sadly disagree.

One HAS to acknowledge that music at its purest definition is mathematical in construction. From my mathematics background - flawed though it may be - I recall the following absolute or truism.

"any negative multiplied by another will ALWAYS result in a positive"

When the Lord made the world he made man and woman and said "go forth and multiply" - thus any musical 'progeny' of these two would be THEIR version of 'going forth and multiplying' - - - thus anything they produce (reproduce) would have to be a POSITIVE (or in other words "good").

Thus writing / singing together they would produce good music / songs - - - perhaps even exceptional music / songs - - - after all, mathematically / musically, two negatives make a positive / cancel each other out.

Which just goes to prove that mathematics doesn't prove S**T !!!

Now I know why I always HATED maths at school.

On the up-side, my wife is forever quoting the old saw "Two wrongs DON'T make a right" (Gary Larson notwithstanding) - I think I'll stick with HER version.

Pardon me all after even CONSIDERING collaboration between those two, I feel ill - - - think I'll go outside now and throw up.

Muttley

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 06 - 11:21 PM

I saw a movie once with a younger actress in it, and she was playing a deadly serious teenage girl who played the guitar and wrote hundreds of bitter accusatory love diatribes against her ex-boyfriend and tortured people by singing them. They were simply dreadful, and boy, did they ever remind me of the stuff I was writing around age 21-24! Yikes.

It was funny in retrospect.

In one scene at the school she sees her ex coming down the hallway with a couple of other young guys, and immediately strikes a portentous E minor chord ( the darkest chord on open strings ) and proceeds to launch into one of her "goddamn heartbreaker that you are" epics.

He remarks to his pals, "She's gonna be famous some day..." (presumably because she writes a LOT of really awful songs)

Hilarious! ;-D We tend to write stuff in our youth that we would just as soon was forgotten years down the road.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:56 PM

Yep.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:49 PM

I've got a few of those too. Same deal.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Deckman
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:48 PM

The worst song I ever heard? One that I wrote at least 20 years ago. And ... my lips are forever sealed! (count your blessings). Bob(deckman)Nelson

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:36 PM

Helen Reddy is a serious contender, no doubt about that! She and Paul Anka could have married and made...umm...extraordinary music together. ;-P

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:33 PM

Helen Reddy's "I am Woman".

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Charmain
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:04 PM

I think I must be lucky in that I've never heard any Paul Anka but my Dad always said he'd had a couple of significant letters cut from his name before releasing any of his records...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 06 - 05:48 PM

Funny...I feel that way about Phil Collins too. I can't stand his singing style. But...I wouldn't say his songs are "the worst". I just don't personally like them, that's all. ;-)

It takes real talent to write "the WORST", and I'm not sure Phil has quite reached that level. I KNOW Paul Anka has! He's almost untouchable, matter of fact.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Charmain
Date: 22 May 06 - 05:44 PM

Phil Collins - Another Day in Paradise

Hated it anyway because its Phil-bloody-Collins but hated it even more after being told that shortly after its release he evicted a load of harmless peops who had been busily living on a small Scottish island which he happened to own (ironic with the song being about homlessness an' all...) Apparantly they clubbed together and bought one copy of the single for each evictee signed them and sent them to him by way of thanks - good old Britich underdog spirit or what! (course it could have been a big old lie...anyone else hear that story?)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Fox
Date: 22 May 06 - 11:30 AM

'Imagine' - sanctimonious glurge.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Desdemona
Date: 22 May 06 - 11:09 AM

You can find them ALL right here, but be warned...

http://www.furious.com/perfect/badsongs.html

~D

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 22 May 06 - 10:59 AM

Al Stewart - 'Year of the bloody cat'

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Muttley
Date: 22 May 06 - 08:01 AM

Prpb'ly been said - - - but ANYTHING and EVERYTHING done by John Denver

Muttley

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Deni c
Date: 22 May 06 - 07:36 AM

Three worst

Two little boys
Tie a yellow ribbon
Honey

hard to choose between them.....

Deni

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Sad person
Date: 22 May 06 - 07:33 AM

Hi Mr Happy do you remember who sang "Bingo Bingo I'm in Love or remember any thing else about it

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,reggie miles
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 01:11 PM

There are any number of folks at open stages that tend to use the venues as a sort of testing grounds for their new material, myself included. I applaud the bravery of those who can get up and offer their skills and talent in this way. It is a very challenging arena, where, because of the constraints of time, and so many folks wanting to perform, one sometimes has only enough time to perform one or two songs in any given night. The challenge then is to develop each song you may perform so that it can be presented in it's best light. The pressure of time limits can cause hosts or MCs to feel the need to quickly move you along from the stage, so, even stage patter offered before or after each song must be considered carefully. These pressures don't often mix well with my particular approach to playing. I enjoy having a more relaxed feeling when on stage. When an inexperienced or impatient MC or host nervously invades the stage area before I am actually finished with my performance because he feels pressured to get the next act up, due to his perception of possible time constraints or whatever the reason, it's always a little annoying, but I usually take it in stride.

This attitude can play havoc with those who may be less experienced on stage and cause all kinds of unintended results. I'm not certain, but I think general nervousness, on the part of one open stage attendee, may have been the reason for his song of three words, I Love You. His repetition of just these three words, and perceived lack of any strong melody pattern, made listening to this, probably self-penned rendition, an exercise in patience. I wasn't sure if the performance was motivated by some intoxicated state or if the fellow was making a point to someone in particular in the house that evening. While I'm certain that his intentions were all the best, sadly, from merely a technical point of view, his delivery could definitely have used lots more polish. By the sound of it, he may have never sung before, and perhaps his intention wasn't a show of any sort of skill or ability but rather to simply impress that certain someone in the audience with his message, honesty and boldness. Or, he could have been just some kind of raving lunatic. Come to think of it, love can often reduce one to that level.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: robomatic
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:33 PM

When Will I See You Again?

Alberta Bound


May There Always Be Sunshine (Pust vsyegda budjet solntse - A Soviet Era children's song sung with unbearable gooiness by one of those mock childish voices, which reminds me...)

Dear Mr. Jesus (an abused child's prayer - "gwown-ups shuddn't hutt liddle childwen....")

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bloke in the Corner
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:03 PM

Little Bear, no discussion. I was on the autobahn south of Bonn about 20 years ago, it came on British Forces radio (the WORST radio station in the world, bar none). I was just passing a service area, I HAD to stop, I just couldn't drive on, I phoned my wife who tuned in and just caught the last bit of it. It still brings shudders thinking about.
Course, then again there's Bobby Bell and The Bell boys with the timeless hit 'Giddy up a ding dong'...
Or 'Dick a dum dum' in the sixties by ... who was it now?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 02:03 PM

The song was alright, but i`m a bloody awful singer.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 01:52 PM

Oh yes- then there's that other
Bobby Goldsboro classic-
"Honey"
"and it would sure embarass her
when I'd come in from working late-
cause I would know
That she'd been sitting there and crying
over some sad and silly late-late show-
and Honey, I miss you and I'm being good
I long to be with you
If only I could.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Greenmanwest
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 01:49 PM

All this talk about Star Trek-
How about the theme to Star Trek- I heard
Wayne Newton sing it this way once:

"Beyond the rim of the starlight,
My love is wandering in star flight.
I know he'll find in star clustered reaches
Love, strange love a starwoman teaches.

I know his journey ends never.
His Star Trek will go on forever.
But tell him while he wanders his starry sea,
Remember, Remember me."

I can't listen to the opening song now without cringing.
I hit "mute". Every night.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 11:37 AM

Is myself singing!!!!!!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 11:34 AM

There's no way I can pick out just one. I would agree that Teddy Bear and Achy Breaky Heart are way up there. I don't think anyone has mentioned Copa Cabana or Cher's recording of Do You Believe in Love.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Hank Drygulch
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 11:30 PM

Thuh worst western song Ah ever done heard is thuh old favorite "Blood on thuh Saddle". Yuh hafta hear it ta believe it. People like it, though, and jest cain't seem tuh git it outa their haids. Ah make sure tuh play it whenever Ah play at a honky tonk.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Drew R Hutchinson
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 07:57 PM

I'am a music buff. I do love music.
But there are some songs that get suck in my head that I cant stand and wish they were never recorded at the record recording studeos. Here are my 5 worst song list.

1)Lazy Day by Spanky and our gang. My impresion of Weird Al Yankovic singing this song. Lazy Day. Made fun for f*%@ing this song. Its a beauitful day to kill those daisy and the organ playing sound at the begining of this song.

2)You Made Me Belive In Magic by The bay city rollers. Heres a good magic trick that I would like to see. Make this song disapear into thin air.

3)I Want Your Sex by George Michael. I rather have Britney Spears sex. But not his sex.
4)Promise Promise by Naked Eyes. Promise me that every 1980s radio station around the country will burn this song and not think about how horibal this song was back then.

5)Muppet Show Theme Song by The Muppets. Here is song that would be so much fun. Play this song backwards and listen to the Muppets worship saten. For more fun. Go to Kermit the Frog on Weed.com

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 07:40 PM

To years ago I wrote a song called Buster the Line Dancing Dawg, which was in the country airplay charts for a few weeks. One reviewer claimed I had set the cause of country music back thirty years. NME said my publicity photo looked like Sadam Hussein.

Its funny how you treasure comments like this.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Midchuck
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 05:21 PM

Pa-pa-pa Ooo Mao Mao!
Pa-pa-pa Ooo Mao Mao!

(repeat several times)

Peter.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 05:15 PM

I don't know the official title, but it had the words, "Bird, bird, bird is the word" in it.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 04:03 PM

"I left my heart, in San Francisco" Don't know how I'm managing to sing this without it but there ya go!!!!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,spoonbit
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 03:13 PM

"Celebration", played at every wedding I've ever been to. So bad that when I finally got married (at age fifty), I forbade the DJ to play it. He replied, "Thank You".

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,GUEST;Beth
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 01:08 PM

does anyone know the lyrics to ken dodd's happiness as it truly is the worst ever song

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 09:04 AM

It's been lonesome in the saddle since my horse died

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Redhorse at work
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 08:17 AM

Teen Angel
How can anyone equal the line " I can't kiss you any more, they buried you today"?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Christine Primrose
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 07:26 AM

I have to add TIPTOE THRO' THE TULIPS BY THE LATE TINY TIM

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Andrez
Date: 13 Jun 04 - 10:16 AM

OK I guess I havent had that much to do this sunday evening and so I find myself reading this thread with morbid fascination thinking Oh no there couldnt be anything worse than that until the next post or two and then someone tops that. I'm really glad I havent heard quite a few of these horrors as yet or they havent quite made their way to my small isolated corner of Australia as yet.

So not to let the world out there think that Australian crap is of a lesser standard that your overseas variety try these for size!

My all time worst song is "Duncan" written by Aussie Country artist Slim Dusty. Slim is better known for this tripe than some of the really great songs he wrote in ealrier years. It made him a truckload of money but I'm buggered if I know why. I wish someone would pay me money to write crap tlike that. Heres a sample:

I'd like to have a beer with Duncan
I'd like to have a beer with Dunc
We drink in moderation
and we never ever get rolling drunk
We drink at Town and Country
where the atmosphere is great
I love to have a beer with Duncan
'cos Duncans me mate

Duncan is closely followed by "The Real Thing" a piece of so called Aussie rock and roll history. The verse and chorus go like this:

Come and see the real thing, come and see the real thing, come and see.
Come and see the real thing, come and see the real thing, come and see.
There's a meaning there but the meaning there doesnt really mean a thing.
Come and see the real thing come and see the real thing come and see.

I am the real thing, ooh mow me mow mow
ooh mow me mow mow
ooh mow me mow mow
ooh mow me mow mow
ooh mow me mow mow
ooh mow me mow mow
ooh mow me mow mow
ooh mow me mow mow......... and so on to verse two.

This crap went on for about 7-8 minutes when it was released and once again made the artist (Russell Morris) a truck load of money.

I've heard it said that these guys werent on anything when they wrote it but I went thru the 60's and 70's too and I have been able to recognise the trademark of profound lyrical meaniglessness when I see or hear it ever since then.

As a parting shot I still get the horrors from the time 25 years ago when I came across somone singing the complete version of Glenlogie unaccompanied at the Dan O'Connell hotel. And from the same time and era there is Morris music which is I guess another story perhaps for another thread unles its been done to death already.

Nuff for now anyway

Cheers!

Subject: RE: actions of mcginty's goat
From: GUEST,mandy ritchie
Date: 12 Jun 04 - 03:11 PM

do you know the actions of mcginty's goat if you do i want to learn
the actions of it so i can try it myself could you send me the actions if you dont mindmy email adress is [e-mail]

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Jeanie
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 05:49 PM

I've seen this thread come and go for a while, and various songs came to mind, but I couldn't quite pin it down to THE 'worstest' of my worst list. Having just been watching 'You've Got Mail' on TV tonight and the wonderful scene in it when the little girl sings for her doting family, it is confirmed that top of my worst list has to be "The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow" from Annie. It's maybe not so much the song itself as the way it always lends itself to being sung by every child I have ever heard singing it. The scene in this film (and the girl actress deliberately (?) singing badly, captures it perfectly !

Oh... and I'll second the vote for Barney, too.

- jeanie

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 07:53 AM

See MC Fat comes out thread in the BS section, the song isn't even written yet

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 04:46 AM

AGREED
OFARIM ESTHER & OBI CINDERELLA ROCKEFELLA 1967

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Partridge
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 04:15 AM

Willaim Shatner singing Mr Tambourine Man and A duo called Esther and Abi O'something or other singing Your the lady, your the lady that I love, your the fella your the fella that rocks me ..........squirm

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 03:52 AM

Arghhh...Wanderhope, you reminded me of another bete noir, the truly cringe-making "Mr Bojangles". Also, "City of New Orleans" and "Me & Bobby McGee" have been driven into the ground by over use.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: wanderhope
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 08:04 PM

I agree with, well... "guest". there are some good songs that get done badly. I heard somebody knowledgable on NPR say once that a song is only authentic if it is somehow owned by the singer -- or somehow authentic for the singer. Maybe Sammie Davis doing Mr. Bojangles rather that the NGDB. Don't know what that means exactly -- but I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean Pat Boone doing Tootie Fruity.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 10:20 AM

There are so many, where does one begin? "Windmills of my mind" sung by Noel Harrison. For fxxx sake! Really, not unlike Macarthur Park and Up, Up & Away (in my Beautiful, my Beautiful Balloon.) Oh, and "Annies Song" by John Denver. And the "Fields of Athenry." And Dead Skunk. There ought to be a special category for reasonable songs that have become repulsive by overexposure, constant misuse and bad handling. Such as The Streets of London, Summertime, The Band played Waltzing Matilda - I'm sure you can think of many. I have come to have a loathing for all John Denver and Tom Paxton songs simply because I'm sick of hearing them done to death.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: InOBU
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 02:08 PM

None of these will be heard when SORCHA DORCHA will be at the HALF KING restaurant and pub, this Wends. Saint Patrick's Day on 23rd street between 10th and 11th Ave. from 7 pm to 10 ... As expected Lorcan Otway on vocals uilleann pipes flute whistle bodhran and the great Jane Kelton on flute whistle and key board, Seanin An Fear on Mandolin, Joe Charupakorn on guitar... the joint is already rumbling, so stay from Give us a drink of water to An Phis Fluich, all yer ol' favs...
Cheers, Is mise, le meas, Lorcan Otway

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: wanderhope
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 07:31 AM

For me, the phrase (and song) "the bright elusive butterfly of love" has always been particularly insufferable.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: steve in ottawa
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 09:39 PM

The Brady Bunch Theme

Well known.
I've never met any adult who said they like it (now).
Though I admit that Barney's song is even worse, I think The Brady Bunch was intended for mixed family audiences, whereas Barney is intended only for the children of hopefully stone-deaf parents.

Some of the renditions I hate to hear the most include some of Burl Ives' "little bunny foo foo" versions of serious folk songs (Burl Ives also sings some credible versions of other folk songs). You can't condemn a song for a bad rendition.

Although I agree "I've Never Been to Me" makes me shudder, if you can seperate out the music, well, it's OK. Ditto for "Feelings", "When I Dream (I Dream of You)", "Greatest Love of All (Yourself)". I was really struck when I saw an action flick from Hong Kong in which they end with the syrupy "When I Dream". What a horrible song! But then I paused...hey, if I only knew a teeny-tiny bit of English, I'd probably like that song too :-)

I remember a guy at work once stomping over to me and saying: "Two HOURS ago, YOU put the Flintstones Theme in my head. That's the worst I've had to suffer since Karma Chameleon kept internally repeating for three days...(long pause)...oh no."

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: pkferret
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 08:06 PM

Watching Scotty Grow is pretty bad, but I like the Startrek tie-in, I was laughing so hard, I could hardly breath. Since I mentioned this thread to my husband, he has been coming in every 2 minutes with his most loathesome songs. I told him he needs to write them up himself.

Black Velvet Band is among my least favorite. But we have to sing it at St. Patrick's time every year.

There's also a lot of pop songs I want to barf on everytime they are on the radio at work. Such as "Butterfly Kisses," "Dance with My Father," and many, many more.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: robomatic
Date: 27 Feb 04 - 11:02 PM

Yummy Yummy Yummy I've Got Love In My Tummy!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Compton
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:23 AM

Many years ago, I bought a Kenny Everett Vinyl LP (probably woth something now)od Worlds Worst Songs, with Jess Conrad (3 Songs) including"This Pullover" (Remember that??),"Yhe Big Architect in the Sky"(!!) Eamonn Andrews"Shifting, Whispering Sands", Mrs Miller,and an incredible"Wunderbar"..but (and not on the LP was )"Tell Laura I love Her"- Richie Valence gets my vote for awfullness

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: LadyJean
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 01:12 AM

I honestly don't mind silly songs. I kind of like some of them.

I loathe Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey", a sentimental song about a dysfunctional relationship.
"Yummy Yummy Yummy I Got Love in my Tummy" is right up there, then there's "Chick a Boom".

"We Gotta Get You A Woman" insults females everywhere.

Well, come to that, all disco songs are loathesome, made for TV music.

My spinster cousin stopped up in my dorm room, many years ago. We were chatting, and I was lying about my upright moral life, when from accross the hall came someone's new record, "I like marijuanna. I like marijuanna. I like marijuanna. I sure do like being stoned." You can imagine how well THAT went over. The song almost had a tune. I think whoever recorded it might have been stoned when they did.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: M.Ted
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 12:34 AM

Richard Rodgers wrote some of the best music ever--his gift for melody leaves most everyone else in the dust--And Foolestroupe, real musicians do appreciate what he did in The Sound of Music--

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 11:57 PM

Toss-up.

His: To All the Girls I've Ever Loved

Hers: These Boots were Made for Walkin'

Worst Album: TELLY SAVALAS SINGS YULETIDE FAVORITES
with its smash single, "Who Loves Ya, Baby Jesus?"

By the way, "Never on Sunday" is not from Zorba
the Greek (Anthony Quinn). It's from Never On
Sunday (Melina Mercouri).

LOVE, JOHNNY

Subject: RE: Coltraine's Favorite Things
From: MickyMan
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 05:33 PM

Coltraine's Favorite Things is so very, very terrific, indeed. It was the first thing I heard by him and it absolutely blew my mind. He had such a refreshingly different concept of tone, and what better place to hear it put forth than in that sing-songy setting. Truly... I found myself crying real tears, and it was not at an emotionally frail time at all. I can't think of another time when something moved me in such an immediate blast. I was a teenager at the time, and not at all easy to impress. What a great thing to be brought on this site. Who says that folkies don't have open ears! Long live Coltraine and others like him!!!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Snuffy
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 07:57 PM

"The Tennesee Bird Walk"?. Is that the same as "The Tennesee Wig Walk"?.

I used to sing that (I'm a bow-legged chicken, I'm a knock-kneed hen...) to my twins at bath time along with a load of other stuff like Michael Finnegan. You might think it rubbish, but 2-year-olds love it.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: PoppaGator
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:02 PM

I'd be glad never to hear any of the Sound of Music songs ever again in their orignal/soundtrack renditions, BUT...

I could listen to John Coltrane's "My Favorite Things" anytime anyday.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 10:40 AM

oh, by the way, if you'd like to see & hear L. Nimoy massacre "Bilbo Baggins", click this link for a QuickTime movie...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 10:35 AM

so...who remembers "The Tennesee Bird Walk"?...now THERE'S a profound little ditty with a tune for the ages!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: MickyMan
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 05:57 AM

Come on.... you fuddy-duddy old folkies. Sound Of Music isn't that bad! I'd hate to think of what would have happened to my son if he'd listened to a two hour tape of Child Ballads for two months of his formative years. He probably would have killed my wife and I, run off with a nobleman's daughter (I'd have to pay for the wedding, of course) and thought that froggies went a-courtin'and deflowered virgins rose from the dead to exact revenge.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Davetnova
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 04:05 AM

Sorry, its probably been subliminally forgotten by everyone in order to stay sane but I must remind you of - *THE BIRDY SONG*

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 01:19 AM

Funny how bad us REAL MUSOS think S.O.M. is, but all those millions of clotheared no talent non-musos love it - to the extent that it continues to rake in money - every day, somewhere in the world, it is on TV....

Robin

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 10:36 PM

My gawd...two whole months of The Sound of Music??? The mind boggles. Your Mother-in-law must have had clam chowder between her ears.

Chris - No, no, no! That's just what they want you to think. The truth is that the original Burl Ives was rubbed out, put on ice, eliminated, deep-sixed...in the late 40's...by Big Daddy Malone, who then posed as Burl Ives right up into the 90's. Big Daddy Malone was a big orangutan who got a shave and a makeover. His resemblance to Ives was already so close that no one noticed, and he "aped" Ives's performance technique so effectively that he got away with it for nearly 50 years!

If you don't believe it, read the thread entitled "Chongo Chimp, Primate Eye" and be enlightened to the shocking truth about this sordid matter.

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Chris
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 07:04 PM

<>

Burl Ives wasn't a pseudonym. It was his real name.

Subject: RE: The hills are alive...
From: MickyMan
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 06:04 PM

"MY FELLOW AUSTRIANS"... I can't believe you don't like The Sound Of Music. About twenty years ago we bought my mother-in-law her first VCR and we included a tape of the movie because we knew she loved it. I kind of like it myself but she played that movie non-stop for at least two months. My two year old son was going to her for day care and I quized him about ten years later...he knew the words to all the songs without a mistake even then! At least I went to work every day, but I think I did permanent damage by leaving him there unprotected.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 01:23 PM

Well, I was down to Toronto yesterday, cruising the hobby shops and looking for bargains in model airplanes. I walk into "Wheels and Wings" and what do I hear? "The Sound of Music." Yes, it turned out that a young woman on the staff there had rented the movie, and they were playing it VERY loud over a large TV that is mounted up on the back wall of the store.

I hate every single song in The Sound of Music with a passion. Those songs have been driving me mad ever since I was a kid.

"These Are A Few of My Favourite Things" tortured me for the next few minutes while I was trying to look at model kits. It was soon followed by "Doe, a Deer" or whatever the hell it's called. AAAAARGGHHH! The misery of it all! Who would write such dreck? And why?

I tried desperately to shut it out, and kept checking out the model prices, but my concentration was badly off.

It went inanely on and on until finally another customer asked if they could please turn the sound down. Somebody went over and stopped the movie in mid-tremolo...and a spontaneous cheer arose from the 5 or 6 customers scattered around the store. Apparently I am not the only person who hates "The Sound of Music".

They forced us to sing that stuff in school too. I bear emotional scars to this day. :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 12:41 PM

Anything by Percy French, but especially the foul "Paddy McGinty's Goat". Bodhran-making's too good for it. Patronising, "quaint" Oirish shite.

Subject: RE: Achy Breaky Fiddle Tune
From: MickyMan
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 08:32 AM

STORY: Back when Achy Breaky Heart ( a song that makes me gag too, Sorcha)was just getting over being a hit I was jamming with some pretty hard-core folkies at a festival when an old fiddler with a fantastic gritty sound joined us on a bunch of standards. Then he said, with all honesty, "Here's one for all the young folks in the gang" and launched into a raunchy version of ABH as a driving fiddle tune. Everybody just looked around to see who was going to retch first but after a few choruses we started to join in and it sounded fabulous. I mean it really did work as a fiddle tune. That has happened several times to me. The other tune I recall that happening on was "Never On A Sunday" from Zorba The Greek. It could very well be that most of our best fiddle tunes were once songs that everybody learned to hate.   MickyMan

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: s&r
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 06:45 AM

Feelings might have been great before it was translated (Dime - Italian?) Don't speak it, so I just wonder.

For a banal title my best is "When the new wears off of your crystal chandeliers"

Hutsut Ralson or whatever, brings back memories - I loved it at four years old.

I dislike the song version of Cavatina.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 06:27 PM

"Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream"---AAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I think I had successfully suppressed that one for *years*; that is just an AWFUL song, truly the stuff of nightmares.

As for "Bilbo Baggins", my 12 year old son & his chums recently discovered it & thought it so hilarious that they---wait for it---downloaded it onto a CD so they can break it out when in need of a cheap laugh at someone else's expense!

The musical stylings of Leonard Nimoy, entertaining yet another generation...!

D.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 06:18 PM

Oooo...yeah. Scarlet Ribbons is just downright awful.

For a shockingly bad recording, listen to Big Daddy Malone doing "The Big Rock Candy Mountain". He later recorded under the psuedonym Burl Ives, and the original Big Daddy Malone stuff can only be had on some very rare bootlegs. Listening to it at all can cause temporary amnesia or madness. :-)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Crystal
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 06:02 PM

Frosty the Snowman.
Makes you wish for a flamethrower really!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Joybell
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 05:27 PM

"Scarlet Ribbons" has a lot to answer for. That little girl needed those ribbons so much that her faith in God depended on it - well I reckon she should have asked Santa for them because that's what he's for. And what happened when she asked God for something really important and she'd used up her share of miracles getting ribbons. Spoilt little brat! I hate that song.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 04:55 PM

LOL Janice....was that heard at the Womyn's Music Festival in Michigan? I heard some truly horrible songs there....along with some absolutely FANTASTIC songs/music!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Hobbitwoman
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 04:46 PM

Butterfly Kisses.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 04:35 PM

Yes, Bilbo Baggins is really astounding. It's the only thing Leonard Nimoy succeeded in recording that rivals the best of Shatner for sheer shock value.

Got to agree on "Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream" too, and for the same reasons. It's embarrassing.

MacArthur Park, on the other hand, is very neat both lyrically and musically. Anyone who can't figure out that the melting cake in the rain is a metaphor for the heartbreak of a failed romance should go back and take songwriting 101 all over again. :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 02:44 PM

Bilbo Baggins as sung by Leonard Nimoy

I love ya Spock but this ain't your greatest work.
From contrived lyrics, terrible backing, very odd instrumentation, and Nimoys singing voice this has got to be the worst song ever!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,dd
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 12:34 PM

Anyone for BRAND NEW KEY.....recorded by Melanie. Truly obnoxious

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Janice in NJ
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 07:08 AM

My Ding-A-Ling takes on a whole new dimension when performed by a woman, particularly at a women's music ferstival. Once again proving that there is no accounting for taste.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Ely
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 11:32 PM

(In addition to agreeing with much of what has already been posted) The "My Ding-A-Ling" one is pretty awful, and I've never heard a version of that song about the orphan girl freezing to death on the rich man's steps that I could tolerate. I also hate "Last Night I had the Strangest Dream" because it's simplistic, un-helpful drivel.

The best version I ever heard of "Achy-Breaky Heart" was converted to zydeco--not only did it have that rockin' Cajun rhythm but it was in Cajun French and I couldn't understand a word . . .

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 10:49 PM

"Watching Scotty Grow"? That would be another Star Trek inspired song, right? James Doohan (Scotty) did grow very noticeably as the years went by until he finally became heavier than the entire warp drive of the starship Enterprise, necessitating his retirement from the service.

Kirk, on the other hand, remained trim, athletic and inexpressibly sexy right up until his final appearance in "Generations", where the character (but not the actor) died heroically, saving the Galaxy. True, he did belong to Corset-Wearers Anonymous for a few years, but it was only a temporary lapse when the Loblaws commercials got cancelled and T.J.Hooker was earing very poor reviews. He soon bounced back, as heros must when duty calls.

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Janice in NJ
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 09:55 PM

There really is no accounting for taste. Is there?

Frank, for example, put Run, Nigger, Run on his list, I suspect because it had evolved into a terribly racist song among white old-time string bands. But I've heard Peggy Seeger perform Run, Nigger, Run as an empathetic song warning an escaped slave that the patrolmen ("paddy rollers") were out and about. Nevertheless, I think Jerry was onto something when he mentioned Watching Scotty Grow. It must be the combination of inauthenticity and schmaltz that make a song unbearable. I will therefore submit a nomination: The Blue Water Line, sung by the Brothers Four.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 08:28 PM

My lord...that *does* sound bad. But don't tell me that so prolific a vocal stylist as William Shatner has actually neglected to record it?!

D.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 06:23 PM

"Stairway to Heaven" - the CD (a copy of which I do not own!) of the collected versions as done by everybody (including Rolf Harris) - except William Shatner.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 05:08 PM

LH--I do believe it may have been the inimitable Sex Pistols that recorded "My Way", although I'd have to check to be certain!

D.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Joybell
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 04:44 PM

I always wanted more colours in that one, Jim. Great possibilities. Like a verse about murder - colour it blood-red. Purple for rage. The whole song is colour it green though, for nausea.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Frank
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 04:40 PM

There are a few that would qualify in my book. But the worst would be those that are used to demean others and dehumanize.

Some racist songs from the South would qualify such as Run N----------Run, the Pateroll Will Get You, or I've Got A Bimbo Down in the Bamboo Isle. Some Minstrel shows would qualify. Songs demeaning to women would also qualify in my book such as many "dirty" songs
that are not funny but ugly such as Barnicle Bill the Sailor.
Songs that were employed for negative political purposes would
have to qualify such as Dixie even though as a song, it has a great tune but has been debased by some psuedo-Confederates such as the Klan. The Horst Wessel song might qualify. Jovenetse Primavera from facist Italy might be another.

As to the inane aspects of some popular songs such as "Feelings"
or other bits of treacle, I think that if they don't do damage
and someone likes them then I can't consider them the worst I've heard. This thread is a set-up in that it's a subjective opinion that's asked for, not a critique of the mechanics of songwriting.

But the sexist, racist, inhumane songs for me would qualify.

Frank

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 04:34 PM

Really, there is no contest:

Watching Scotty Grow by Bobby Goldsboro.

A definite finger down the throat song.

Jerry

And c'mon Kendall... you obviously hate Frank Sinatra (who was one of my greatest influences) but he sang more great SONGS than anyone in the history of the planet..

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,navigator
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 03:19 PM

Hut sut ralston on the rillara and the bralla bralla suet
or something like that

Subject: Lyr Add: MY COLORING BOOK
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 03:05 PM

Has everyone forgotten this one?

MY COLORING BOOK
(Words, Fred Ebb. Music, John Kander. 1962.)

If you admire coloring books,
And lots of people do,
I've a new one for you!
A most unusual coloring book,
The kind you never see,
Crayons ready, crayons set,
Begin to color me!

These are the eyes that watched her,
As she walked away,
Color them gray!

This is the heart,
That thought she would always be true,
Color it blue!

These are the arms that held her,
And touched her,
Then lost her somehow,
Color them empty now!

This is the tie, I wore,
Until you came between,
Color it green!

This is the room I sleep in, and walk in, and weep in,
And hide in, that nobody sees,
Color it lonely please!

This is the girl that once I depended upon,
Color her gone!

[As sung by Perry Como. Also famously sung by Barbra Streisand, mutatis mutandis.]

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,sorefingers
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 03:01 PM

Yellow Submarine ...

If I lived in a submarine I would not be singing about it!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: kendall
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 02:32 PM

Any song that Frank Sinatra sang. And, tell me, Why are there Mel Torme records?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Joybell
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 07:09 PM

But about McArthur Park - It did contain such useful advice. I've never left a cake out in the rain since I heard that song. Why did he lose the recipe anyway? Did someone leave that out in the rain too?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 07:00 PM

any Fart Brooks song - all of em are crap!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Joybell
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 06:46 PM

I thought I knew which songs to list here, but I just had to listen to "Baby's First Christmas" while shopping for my 2 year old grandson. That's by far and away the very worst. I don't even have to give the words. Just guess. Joy-the-fastest-shopper-in-the-store.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 06:18 PM

Well, on their next album let's hope they do "I've Never Been To Me", "Billy, Don't Be A Hero", and "Endless Love", cos we really need a whole new slant on those three.

I heard a marvelous punk version of "My Way" once, but I don't know which band it was that recorded it.

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 04:50 PM

Amongst my Xmas gifts was a CD by a band called Me First & the Gimme Gimmes, on which they perform punk arrangements of a plethora of truly crap songs from the '60s & '70s, including "Sweet Caroline", "Seasons in the Sun", and "Danny's Song"...it is hilarious, and highly recommended, if only to wipe the original versions out of your head!

D.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: PoppaGator
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 01:12 PM

"McArthur's Park" was/is unforgettably awful, perhaps the worst top-selling pop song of all time.

"Never Been to Me," on the other hand, is something I had mercifully forgotten -- until you reminded me! Thanks a heap!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peter Woodruff
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 08:37 PM

McArthur's Park..."Someone left the cake out in the rain." Yuck!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 05:02 PM

There was one polluting the airwaves back in the summer, with some guy singing..."We'll wake up, we'll make up, and do it for the last time, then we'll break up, and shake up, and do it for the last time..." or something like that.

Really, really annoying. And they were playing it everywhere. Mercifully, they seem to have finally stopped doing so.

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Tom Hamilton
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 02:43 PM

A song by Ferlon Husky called 'the drunken driver'

it is just a typical country 'talking' song 'rubbish' it tells the story of a driver how is drunk whilst driven his car and he ends up killing his son and daughter.

a really lovely song.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: mg
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 01:29 PM

Boy, Kilkelly Ireland is sure up there in my book. Not as high as Barrett's Privateers or Bright Morning Stars..maybe on a par with Caledonia..and Wode which is a travesty of a beautiful tune....but I do like the Drummer Boy..mg

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 10:47 PM

Well, no, I don't think so, Ebbie. Are you suggesting it should have been "I've Never Been To Myself"? :-) That wouldn't have scanned nearly as easily.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 10:29 PM

"I'm Never Been To Me", Little Hawk? Is there something seriously wrong with the title? :^)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 10:21 PM

Just took a look at a site where they totally love Charlene. Here is the lyric in question:

Soundtrack : the adventure of priscilla : queen of the desert (1994)

title: I've Never Been To Me

Hey lady, you lady cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But I wish some one had talked to me like I wanna talk to you…

Ooh I've been to georgia and california and, anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun but I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I've been to paradise
But I've never been to me…

Please lady, please, lady
Don't just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
Still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart
That has lived a million lies…..

Oh I've been to Niece and the isle of greece
While I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like harlow in Monte Carlo
And showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that woman ain't supposed to see…
I've been to paradise,
But I've never been to me….

(Spoken part...)
Hey, you know what paraddise is? it's a lie
A fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding
It's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love……

(singing resumes...)
Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I…I took the sweet life
I never knew
I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring
That costs too much to be free… hey lady…

I've been to paradise…
But I've never been to me…

I've been to paradise
Never been to me
I've been to Georgia and California
And anywhere I could run
I've been to paradise never been to me been to Niece and the isle of greece
While I've sipped champange on a yacht
I've been to paradise never been to to me…(fade)


This is the kind of record that either reduces you to tears or makes you want to shoot the radio...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 10:03 PM

Two Little Boys

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 09:45 PM

I actually think "As Time Goes By" is a very good song of its particular type. Classic, in fact. So does Mr Chongo (Chongo Chimp, Primate Eye), and he says any chump that doesn't like that song needs a good smack on the beezer or a shlug from a forty-five....

But here's another really dreadful song from the 70's: "I'm Never Been To Me"

It's grotesquely awful in its mundane earnestness and melodrama. I think the artist who recorded it was named "Charlene" or something like that. It may have been her only hit.

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 02:02 PM

THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY*****

i can't take it anymore...
charley noble

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 12:48 PM

I've loved a lot of country music, but I have a problem with anything Kenny Chesney does.

I am also sick of Xmas music

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Jim Knowledge
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 08:34 AM

I `ad that Louis Armstrong in my cab once. `is trumpet sounded
bleeding awful. I said did you get that mended at Boosey and `awkes?
`e said nah, I did it my way.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 07:36 AM

1. Agadoo-doo-doo (wave a chicken in the air)
2. Sugar - honey-honey
3. Sir Cliff Richard's "Lord's Prayer" (what a liberty)
4. The Deck Of Cards
5. Boom-bang-a-bang (and most of the Eurovision winners)
6. Congratulations by Sir Cliff again
7. Anything sung by rugby teams on the coach on the way back

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 06:40 AM

1. There Were Roses.
2. Killkelly Ireland.
3. The Lightning Express.
4. Okie From Muskogie
5. All country and western songs.
All these should be put into room 101 immediately and forever.
eric

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: harvey andrews
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 06:38 AM

It has to be that travesty by Neil Diamond with the immortal line;
"And no one said a word, not even the chair."

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 06:21 AM

"...we have moved on." (Little Hawk) For some things that applies, but not for songs - by which I mean, if a song is good at one time it stays good for all time, regardless of changes in customs and tastes that might make it harder to appreciate.

And I think "As Time Goes By" is a very good song. Wryly humorous as well as sentimental. I believe they nearly took it out of Casablanca, the same way they tried to take Over the Rainbow out of the Wizard of Oz. I wonder how many times the song that would have made a movie ended on the cutting-room floor?

..................

Of all songs that make me cringe the no-question winner is "I did it My Way" - no doubt someone's going to say it's their favourite song in the world...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 05:46 AM

Last night I heard my mamma singing a song ..............
Oo - Ee chirpy chirpy cheep cheep
What is this all about ??

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Ethereal Purple
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 05:21 AM

I think I love 'As Time Goes By' only because of Casablanca :-).

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 04:57 AM

"As Time Goes By." was the title of a brillant BBC TV series.
Starred Judi Dench & the guy from Yes Minster I think...
That slow subtle hysterically funny British sense of humour - about the guy and the girl who met in England in WWII, then drift apart, until they bump into each other years later.
The song fitted that very well as the theme song.

'The Mountains of Mourne' is actually a very funny song - subtle british humout again - combined with a wistfulness. that's why it was so damn popular for so long.. Pretty tune too - heard a wonderful song about using it about the REAL Molly Malone Statue... :-)

Robin

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Melani
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 09:29 PM

How can anyone forget the classic, "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight"?

I actually like "The Ramblin' Rover," though I do tend to leave out the verse about colitis.

And I write much worse songs than any of you--that's why I don't.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?2
From: kendall
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 09:17 PM

1. Feelings.

2 Achy brakey heart
3 I love a rainy night

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?2
From: GUEST,Christ_Monkey
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 09:01 PM

Definitly Glenn Mediros, nothings gonna change my love for you...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 08:20 PM

A homosexual dwarf wrote a show that bombed, but launched an eventual hit tune at the same time? Boy, truth really IS stranger than fiction... :-)

I wasn't under the impression that it was written about WWII, but it sure was popular at that time. Thanks for the update.

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: JJ
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 07:39 PM

"As Time Goes By" was written in 1931 for a bomb of a show called EVERYBODY'S WELCOME by Herman Hupfeld, a homosexual dwarf. I like the song, but it wasn't written about WWII.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 04:21 PM

"As Time Goes By" fit the time it was written in, which was a very different time indeed. Look at the bombastic and simplistic war movies and cowboy movies from the same era, and you will see that. It had its good points and its bad points, that era, but we have moved on. If people like "As Time Goes By" they probably do because it evokes the memory of that time very strongly.

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Alice
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 11:46 AM

I LOVE "As Time Goes By" (... play it, Sam...)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,HelenJ
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 02:14 AM

A song called "As Time Goes By." It came out sometime in the forties I think. Here's a sample :-

It's still the same old story A fight for love and glory A case or do or die. The world will always welcome lovers As time goes by.

You must remember this A kiss is just a kiss A sigh is just a sigh etc. etc.

Vomit!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:54 PM

Well, I've also written some bloody awful songs, specially when I was in my twenties. Thankfully, they were never commercially released. Interestingly enough, there were usually certain people who liked them regardless, but there's no accounting for tastes. What is really a shocker is when someone you haven't seen in ten years begs you to play one of these castoffs that you swore you'd never play again... It's hard to know just what to say to them, but you can always pretend you don't remember how it goes...

The positive thing about the experience is, that like anything else you do, you get better at it as time goes by, and you learn something useful along the way.

Now the curse of being a famous recording artist is, no one will let you forget those less than stellar songs. They keep coming back like the infamous cat to haunt you. I wonder how many people have asked Murray McLaughlin to sing "The Farmer Song" for them (one of his that I can't stand, though it made him a pile of money...I've written two parodys of it in retaliation for having to put up with it all these years on various radio stations).

I knew a poet in Orillia who would walk up to complete strangers at parties who were examining one of his latest books and say "Don't waste your time on that garbage! I know the guy and he's an idiot. He writes total crap. He couldn't write a good poem if his life depended on it."

He did this because he thought it was funny! Well, it was kind of funny...if you were watching, and knew the score...but it made me wonder about his psychological state, I can tell you! :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 09:43 PM

Check "The Castration of the Strawberry Roan." It's in the DT. A cowboy song such as cowboys actually sing when they're really working.

Peter.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Sibelius
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 03:16 PM

Well, Belfast and Fred Miller, my songs are EVEN worse than yours! And what's more, your inferiority complexes are far better than mine....

Worst songs? I probably liked these once, but 'The Mountains of Mourne' and 'The Galway Shawl'. Can't stand 'em.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Maxine
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 02:34 PM

What's that song......'she's having my baby, what a wonderful way to say how much she loves me'....or something like that? Is it Paul Anka? Rough, anyway. Maxine

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 09:18 AM

I wondered when the thread would take this turn. No, belfast, a song I wrote was much worse than yours, I can tell.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: belfast
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 07:52 AM

The worst song ever written was the one I wrote a couple of months ago. What is really strange is that when I first wrote the song the melody was clever and original, the words were witty, wise etc. The following day I noticed a slight deterioration. Perhaps the melody was not quite as original as I thought, and the words not as witty. The day after that I looked at it again and found that it had got even worse. The tune was derivative and had been plagiarized from inferior sources: the words, when comprehensible, were tacky and embarrassing. That night I looked at it again. Impossibly it had deteriorated even further. My only cconsolation as I disposed of this pathetic little horror was that I had subjected no-one else to it.

But that was only marginally worse than one I had written a month previously. Also RIP

And that was only marginally worse than one I was commissioned to write and recorded for … Oh, enough!

When it comes to talking about the worst song ever written I would have a long.longway to go before I started talking about someone else's work.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Hecate
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 07:14 AM

There was a mister blobby song, which was rather scaring.

My pesonal least favourite is also a tad coutry in stlye. Dead skunk int he middle of the road, Dead skunk in the middle of the road, dead skunk in the middle of the road Stinknig up to high heavan.

its a repeat one verse ad nausium sort of song.

I also hate any of those embarassingly catchy pop songs that you end up singing inspite of yourself.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,lardingo
Date: 15 Sep 02 - 02:43 PM

"Honolulu Baby" by The Candlesticks...The words don't rhyme, the instruments are out of tune, and the singer is off key. Other than that, it's tolerable.

"Chapel of Love" This is the absolute worst song to get stuck in my head. It sometimes takes days to get rid of it.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Allan Dennehy
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 07:34 PM

Back home in Derry is a lovely song but there's a fella here in Copenhagen and when he sings it you'd wish you were dead. Or better still that he was.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bert
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 02:13 AM

That maudlin drivel about 'Billy Joe MacAllister' has got to be up there among them.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,fly on the wall
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 08:08 PM

LOL!!! Bzzzzz...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 07:52 PM

'come'n listen to my story 'bout a man named jed, couldn't find the toilet so he went behind the shed.....'

aaah! schooldays memories!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 06:58 PM

Gawd...that must have been awful, Alice.

George Seto - BRAVO!!! You have found it. The Bonanza theme song was undoubtedly the very absolute worst of all time, with bells on! It was perfect for the show, which was a real stinker too, IMO. I blush to think that Lorne Greene is Canadian...pity he can't act.

Not like William Shatner. Now THERE's ACTING!

The theme songs for Beverley Hillbillies and Gilligan's Island were pretty annoying too, but not as annoying as the shows themselves. Did Three's Company have a theme song? Did Pam sing it?

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Alice
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 05:29 PM

I was stuck on a business trip driving samples from Montana to a trade show in Denver, and the two guys with me thought it was really funny to stop at a truck stop and buy a Red Sovine tape to play on the way. I was captive with nothing to plug my ears. And they sang along with the tape!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Brian
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 12:23 PM

I don't know about THE worst song I've ever heard - too of C&W candidates to choose from for starters - but when it comes to the most unintentionally funny, there can only be one.

Ken Dodd's song 'Happiness'.

A bad song made worse because it comes out as:-

A penis, A penis, The greatest gift that I possess. I thank the lord that I've been blessed With more than my share of a penis.

It cracks me up everytime. I have to leave the room.

Brian

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 11:15 AM

But of course I loved his song "I'm being followed by a Big Muslim."

Wasn't that a hit for Salman Rushdie?

Murray

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Sorcha
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 11:13 AM

Haven't done the other threads about this, but Achy Breaky Heart has to be right up there.............

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From:
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 11:10 AM

The Absolutely WORST song EVER was the theme song for the Bonanza TV series. Look it up on the web. The lyrics are awful, and I remember seeing a clip of the cast singing the song! <shudder>

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 10:44 AM

A Double-clutching weasel? My favorite Car-talk (the radio show) was when Leonard Bernstein's son called in to ask if it was true that he should double-clutch his Dad's vintage Italian sports car. Or did the Italian mechanic give him wrong information? The answer was that an Italian mechanic giving wrong information was almost redundant, and it was proposed to name the habit of double-clutching a synchronized transmission "Bernsteining."

It's interesting that so many really horrible songs become so intensely popular. Maybe narcisistic fantasy helps explain it, as it does with so many odd human behaviors. Like those singers who milk a song just to show off-- maybe their fans project their own narcissim into it, identify with the singer, to enjoy it?

The two awful songs (from the previous incarnation of this thread) I thought were redeemed by use in movies, it occurred to me later, were both used in sex contexts. Which sort of makes sense--areas where people are prone to glaring temporal errors of judgement and taste. Bad songs work great in film to show the overblown emotions characters get caught up in, but from a detached, sad/comical point of view.

I always thought Cat Steven's Wild World was really genuinely horrible, with it's condescending, patronizing, arch-menacing tone. It sounds like a mob guy extorting protection money, in the form of a relationship plea. "If you want to leave me, okay, but I'd sure hate to see something happen to you." "Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear"--? What the hell is that? Like wearing clean underwear in case you get hit by a car? But of course I loved his song "I'm being followed by a Big Muslim."

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Nfk.Fiddler
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 05:18 AM

Has to be 'I can Fly' by Keith Harris and Orvill

Subject: Lyr Add: GIRL ON THE BILLBOARD (from Red Sovine)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 11:05 PM

Here are the lyrics, Alice...

Doodle-de-do-doo, A-doodle-do-do-do
Who is the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway?
Rollin' down the highway in my Jimmy hauling freight
From Chicago to St. Louis, Lord, I see her every day
A double-clutchin' weasel like me can hardly ever
Get a girl to look at him that way
**Smiling like the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway

Wow! what a girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
I bet it wouldn't take her very long to get gone
If someone would pull a dirty trick and take her towel away
I slow my Jimmy down to twenty
That's how many wrecks I see there every day
Caused by the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
A-doodle-do-do-doo, A-doodle-do-do-doo

Oh, I love the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
I guess I'm gettin' bolder 'cause I'd rather kiss and hold her
Than just keep a-lookin' at her every day
At 4:45 coffee drinkin' eatin' time Jimmy shimmied
While I woke up the artist that painted the display
Of the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway

Doggone that girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
A sleepy headed painter said the girl wasn't real
And I'd better get the (#$%^&) on my way
On Route 66 from the billboard to Chicago
You will find tiny pieces of my heart scattered every which-a-way
Shattered by the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
A-doodle-do-do-doo, A-doodle-do-do-doo, A-doodle-do-do-doo (fade)
**A-doodle-do-do-doo, doodle-do-do-doo (fade)

I couldn't be bothered to put in all the line breaks. Pretty amazing lyric isn't it? Those country boys and truckers are pretty deep thinkers when y' git t' know 'em good...

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Alice
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 10:04 PM

I was going to say "Teddy Bear" by Red Sovine, but technically he doesn't sing it, just speaking with country western music backup... then there's another Red Sovine song... Girl On The Billboard ... aaaaarrrgh!! I guess anything by Red Sovine is the worst I've heard.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 09:06 PM

trditional saga-updated 7 drunken knights.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Robin2
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 09:02 PM

She's My Girl
My whole world
but that's not...my...truck

Terrible country song about a guy coming home and finding another 4 wheel drive sitting in his driveway

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 08:05 PM

ecselent!!!!more!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,lurker
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 08:03 PM

I was thinking about the "Tallahatchie Bridge" and then I thought of "Red Sails in the Sunset" and then I thought of "See You In September."

How about those old songs by such groups as The Singing Nuns and Patience and Prudence? Lord, what sap.

Subject: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 07:18 PM

'number two, little boy bloo, is what i used to be,......, bingo,bingo,i'm in love'.......arrgh!retch,vomit.