what's the worst song you ever heard?3

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Muttley
Date: 23 May 06 - 08:58 AM

Little Hawk made the following observation: "Helen Reddy is a serious contender, no doubt about that! She and Paul Anka could have married and made...umm...extraordinary music together"

Actually Hawk I must, sadly disagree.

One HAS to acknowledge that music at its purest definition is mathematical in construction. From my mathematics background - flawed though it may be - I recall the following absolute or truism.

"any negative multiplied by another will ALWAYS result in a positive"

When the Lord made the world he made man and woman and said "go forth and multiply" - thus any musical 'progeny' of these two would be THEIR version of 'going forth and multiplying' - - - thus anything they produce (reproduce) would have to be a POSITIVE (or in other words "good").

Thus writing / singing together they would produce good music / songs - - - perhaps even exceptional music / songs - - - after all, mathematically / musically, two negatives make a positive / cancel each other out.

Which just goes to prove that mathematics doesn't prove S**T !!!

Now I know why I always HATED maths at school.

On the up-side, my wife is forever quoting the old saw "Two wrongs DON'T make a right" (Gary Larson notwithstanding) - I think I'll stick with HER version.

Pardon me all after even CONSIDERING collaboration between those two, I feel ill - - - think I'll go outside now and throw up.

Muttley

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Janice in NJ
Date: 23 May 06 - 04:15 PM

This all depends upon what you mean by "the worst song ever heard." Do you mean...

• Most inane lyrics?

• Most pretentious lyrics?

• Most confused or incomprehensible lyrics?

• Most obnoxious, hurtful, or disgusting lyrics?

• Most inane tune?

• Most pretentious tune?

• Most confused or incomprehensible tune?

• Most jarring, grating, or unmelodious tune?

• Worst mismatch of lyrics and tune?

• Worst arrangement of an otherwise good song?

• Worst performance of an otherwise good song?

• Some combination of the above?

• Something else entirely?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Muttley
Date: 23 May 06 - 06:50 PM

The answer to Janice in NJ is ......................YES !!!!!

BTW - another contribution for personal reasons. Used to LOVE this one - - REALLY 'grunty' rock tune and a 'biker' anthem for years; A song VERY easy to belt along with - however, given that EVERY rock / rock covers band at EVERY bike show / biker weekend etc PLAYS the damn thing in their repertoire and having heard it now about a zillion times - and most of them VERY ordinary renditions at that; Now it just makes me wanna puke.

It is (in case you haven't already fathomed it out) - - - - - -

Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf

Closely followed bt Golden Earring's 'Radar Love'

Muttley

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 May 06 - 07:21 PM

Christmas songs. All of them....

A mooris man singing the sex pistols 'Anarchy in the UK' makes quite an imression, especially with the slight tweaking of 'is the DFSS?' to 'is the the EFDSS?'

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 May 06 - 07:51 PM

I detest most of the radio christmas songs too. With a passion. There's the odd one, though, that has some beauty to it...like one in 40 or 50 of them.

Janice - most people's definition of "worst" songs would be: "the ones I like the least".

That makes their choices pretty subjective.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: mg
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:58 AM

I think they sing them at my church..several...mg

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 02:10 AM

A while ago, while I was looking for something else on the web, I came across a country song called 'She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy' which tells the unlikely tale of a somewhat dimwitted American farm boy whose girlfriend is, allegedly, turned on by his...er...tractor.

A clear case of hope over experience, I should think, and guaranteed to induce tractor envy.

I'm not saying this is the worst song I ever heard, mind you, just the oddest.

The too-frequent repetition of songs can have unfortunate consequences.

At the first Middlewich Festival (in 1990, fact fans) we ran a talent competition for all comers. Nowhere in the rules did it state that (nearly) every contestant should treat us to his/her version of 'Streets Of London', but that is exactly what happened.
This made such an impression that, when subsequent festivals were being planned, the talent show was always referred to as the Streets of London Contest.

The whole episode cast a shadow over this fine song which has never really lifted.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 02:50 AM

Always a winner thread topic.........

Okay......to repeat myself........ANYTHING ever done or thought about being done by Red Sovine........"Giddy-up go Daddy...Giddy-up Go."............yeah right.....just take all of Red's bullshit and giddy it's ass up and on outta' here. What crap!

And I can't let one of these go past without mentioning Bobby Goldsboro and "Honey."........Ain't that just the sappiest piece of shit you ever heard? Makes for good parody though........
See my stiff dick, I'm so afraid
Now since you're dead I can't get laid
I needa' fuck!

Then of course there's the David Bowie thing about Major Tom the psychotic astronaut.........
Ground Control to Major Tom
You really have fucked up
........or words to that effect. It's aptly titled "Space Oddity".........now ain't that the truth? Little Hawk will be along to explain the deeper meanings of this winner and it's relationship to the Cosmos, the Tri-Lateral Commision, and a Lithuanian pants presser named Harold.........Whatever it is, YOU figure it out!

Spaw

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Acorn4
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 04:41 AM

One ot two earlier posters mentioned Red Sovine:-

I think "Little Rosa" is probably the worst of the lot by him although we're spolit for choice really there.

I reckon "I Understand" by the G-Clefs must be up there someahere.

In a lot of cases it's just something about a song that grtaes on your nerves:

I particularly found:-

"All I need is the air that I breathe and to l-u -r -vvv- e you"

particularly annoying.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: kendall
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 07:42 AM

Can't stand Frank Sinatra. Everything he sang sounded like he was making it up as he went along.

Barrett's Privateers is a damn good song, and Little Drummer boy sucks!
I mean, can you imagine what a mother would do if some scruffy street urchin came in a started banging a drum while her baby was asleep?

Rudolph the rednose reindeer is near the top of the shit list too.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Acorn4
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 07:46 AM

Sometimes it's down to context - I was helping to put up a Dutch barn once, and we had to hire a crane for the day. The driver insisted on singing:

"Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy" non stop all day.

It was p***ing down with rain at the time which didn't improve my opinion of that one.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:08 AM

Shuduppayourface - Joe Dolce.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:30 AM

BINGO (Dave Carey, 1961)

Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Kelly's eye, I'm the guy and she's my number one
Number three, up a tree, she's got me on the run
Number five, man alive, by all the stars above
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Number two, Little Boy Blue, is what I used to be
Number four, on the floor, so full of misery
Till she was sweet, my key of the door and now we're hand-in-glove
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Hear my heart go clickety-click when I'm with my box-o-tricks
Number seven, I'm in heaven, gazing at those legs eleven


Lucky for some proved to be a lucky day for me
Number eight, at the gate, she said she'd marry me
Like two little ducks and a cock and hen, we coo like turtle doves
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


(Kelly's eye), I'm the guy and she's my number one
(Number three), Up a tree, she's got me on the run
(Number five), Man alive, by all the stars above
(Bingo!) Bingo! I'm in love


(Number two), Little Boy Blue, is what I used to be
(Number four), On the floor, so full of misery
Till she was sweet, my key of the door and now we're hand-in-glove
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Hear my heart go clickety-click when I'm with my box-o-tricks
Number seven, I'm in heaven, gazing at those legs eleven


Lucky for some proved to be a lucky day for me
Number eight, at the gate, she said she'd marry me
Like two little ducks and a cock and hen, we coo like turtle doves
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love
(Bingo! He's in love) BINGO!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Jeri
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:37 AM

I probably wrote the worst song I've ever heard. If so, I've blocked it. There are bad songs I don't mind. My current beef is space-filler songs. You know--the ones that seem like they're on the CD only because: "Hey, we gotta extra 8 minutes here. Why doncha write another song?"

This one is at the top of my list. Very few things will make me turn the radio completely off in disgust, and this song is one. You may like it and that's OK. Just make the bad song stay away from ME.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:07 AM

Oh, Jeri! Thank you! I have had this upset tummy for days now, and I thought nothing could cure it....but THAT set of lyrics made me gag & upchuck. I'm all better now......

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:21 AM

I note that I never did reply to Snuffy 4 years ago about "The Tennessee Bird Walk"


But, if you really want to experience it, we now have on YouTube!

It is also here, as a sound file, with lyrics, so you can be assured that is REALLY what you thought you heard them sing.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:49 AM

At Fleetwood Folk Club we had a theme night "I know a song worse that that!" There were some absolutly dreadful ones including "The Boers have got my daddy", "There's a little box of pine on the seven forty nine", "Teen angel", all cringingly awful [not the singing of, just the songs] but the one voted the worst of the evening was "I was born in Portland Town, yes I was, yes I was".

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: JedMarum
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:57 AM

hands down, the worst song ever written is Manilow's

I Write The Songs

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:23 PM

FEEEELLLLLIIINNNNGGSSSSS!!! WHOW WHOW WHOW FFFFEEEEEELLLLLIIIIIIIIINNGS!!!


or


Let it please be him
OH DEAR GOD!
It must be him. It must be him

or

Please Mister please
Don't play B17
It was our song; it was his song
But it's O-o-o-ver.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:21 PM

Lesley Gore's old hit, "It's My Party" from the early '60's, I think. That's one. As the late Jimmy Durante used to say, "I got a million of 'em, a million of 'em."

By way of injecting controversy, how about Jimmy Buffet's classy "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw?" In the same category, there's Kinky Friedman's ol anthem dedicated to Gloria Steinem and womens' lib, "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed!"

What's great about this list is the near-perfect illustration of the old maxim, "One person's meat is another's poison." I saw several songs I still like listed as dreck, while others I detest were favorites of some folks.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: The Sandman
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:24 PM

Tiptoe through the tulips,
theyre coming to take him away.ha ha.
knock knock there coming in the window,knock knock they are coming in the door.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:49 PM

Here I Stand
Three verses - one by the bride who loves the best man another by the best man who thinks the groom doesn't know and last by the groom who knows it all.

Each verse ends with
He/she loves him so
Oh lord don't let him/her know
That he's/she's I second best in her heart.


no woner the divorce rate is so high.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Acorn4
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 02:03 PM

When it comes to dross Country and Western will always feature heavily, won't it. One of my personal favourites by Pam Tillis:-

"They call me Cleopatra 'cos I'm the Queen of De Nile"

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: oldhippie
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:06 PM

For me, the worst song is "Movin' Out", it never fails to give me a heart attack-ack-ack-ack   .....ack.

There are worse vocals, but the songs are better.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:15 PM

NO CONTEST.

Horse With No F&^$%&# Name

followed closely by

Stairway to Heaven

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:25 PM

Remember the Smothers Brothers tour of the Honey House? The souvenier shop sold little wrecked cars.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:36 PM

Shameful confession time. I actually really like that 'Bingo' song. Not because it has any particular musical merit, but for reasons of nostalgia.
Radio Luxembourg ('your ringa-ding swingin' station of the stars', or 'The Great 208' to disgracefully modern types) used it as the theme for their Radio Bingo Show.
They would broadcast this live 'from The Grand Duchy' to participating Bingo Halls and here I must introduce a note of puzzlement.
Those of a certain age will recall that Luxembourg was almost our only source of pop music in Britain at that time (1961 was three years before Radio Caroline sailed into our lives). The signal from Luxembourg was strong but decidedly ropey and notorious for its long slow fades.
So here's the puzzling thing: If the pop music faded in and out so much, then so would the bingo numbers.
Imagine Mrs Brown at the Mecca Bingo Hall, Penge, needing only one number for a full house. Just at the crucial moment, with Mrs B almost beside herself with excitement, atmospheric conditions kick in and the signal fades out. How does Mrs Brown (or anyone else)know whether she has that all-important winning number?
I know, I know - very likely they had a fixed telephone link or somesuch, but that spoils the story.
The other thing about the Bingo song is that, although the lyrics are trite and banal almost to the point of insanity, the song had a cracking tune. I'd love to hear it again. Does anyone know if it's available anywhere on CD, or as an MP3?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: RangerSteve
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 05:21 PM

Peace's mention of "Horse With No Name" reminded me of another, by the same group, I believe, with one of the worst rhymes ever:
"I understand You've been running from the man
Who goes by the name of the Sandman.
He rules the sky like an eagle in the eye
Of a hurricane that's abandoned."

Is a hurricane that's abandoned worse that a hurricane that isn't?
And how do you abandon a hurricane? Do other hurricanes have owners?
And does an eagle in the eye of a hurricane really rule the sky? Sounds to me like he's actually in one heck of a bind. A least until the hurricane is over. Oh, well. Maybe I'm missing something.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: RangerSteve
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 05:28 PM

Two more I just thought of: The Telephone Man - more of a recitation, about getting laid by the telephone installer.

And the one with the refrain : I've been to everywhere, but I've never been to Me.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Dave MacKenzie
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:09 PM

Glad someone mentioned "Caledonia", my wife and I used to sing together until she asked me to accompany her singing it - now we only do tunes. And I once didn't walk out when it was being sung, but only because I was waiting to sing the singer's least favourite song!

Apart from that, "Mack the Knife", apart from the Armstrong and Fitzgerald versions - I really love "Mackie Messer".

Anything sung to Crimond - the 1947 Royal Wedding's got a lot to answer for - Psalm 23 is great to Wiltshire or Martyrdom as recommended in the 1929 Scottish Psalter.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Joe_F
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:12 PM

I am happy to say that I have escaped almost all of the songs mentioned in this thread. However, in response to an early posting, I should confess that I actually like some of the Singing Nun (Soeur Sourire) songs, especially Tous les Chemins, Resurrection, and Entre les Etoiles. I am also pro-Christmas-carol.

Among songs that turn up in folkie circles, I think I would give the prize to "Harriet Tubman". One long incoherent mixed metaphor containing no information about its nominal subject. Another such song, whose insipidity makes me cringe, is "Bridges".

Of course, if the stuff that comes out of the loudspeakers these days counts as songs, then they all belong in one big lump at the bottom.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Kiki
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 12:56 AM

Honey. Of course Honey. The first time I heard it I was seriously convinced that it would end with her leaving him because he was always mocking her and laughing at her. Might have made a better song. But probably nothing would have made it better.

But even worse was a song called, "What Do You Do When Your Girl Says No?" by some Bobby something or other several years ago. A local radio station used to play it occasionally because it was so bad. The lyrics went something like:

What do you do when your girl says no
Whoa-ho whoa-ho
I'd like to know.

You go to your room and start to cry
Then you ask yourself why oh why
Why did she do it?
Why did she do it?
Why oh why?

And so on.   The delivery was every bit as stirring as the lyrics themselves.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mick Woods
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 03:02 AM

Some awful crap by the beatles that found it's way onto my IPod that went something like "I'd rather see you dead, little girl, than see you with another man" vomit!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: glueman
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 03:03 AM

A difficult one. Country songs don't count because sentimentality is their whole reason to exist. Novelty records are aimed at children so a mature appreciation is missing the point. Lounge/swing/easy is nothing if not ironic so that's Sinatra, Manilow, Monroe and Mathis out the reckoning.

It may well be a folk record but I'll have to ponder.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Critic In The Attic
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 03:08 AM

Wonderful Tonight
Leaving On A Jet Plane
Ride On
Streets Of London
Oh and I mustn't forget that pile of crap where a finger is inserted in one ear and the singer croaks "I flew too close to the candle"

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Golightly
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 05:23 AM

Wonderful Tonight! I agree. The poor woman gets to look wonderful while she carts her p**s artist bloke off home and puts him to bed. Yuk.

And what about Are You Lonesome Tonight's "do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?"

Do I gaze at my doorstep??

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Seaking
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 06:14 AM

Easy !   Bill Withers - Lovely day.

Radio 2 play the thing repeatedly, it drives me to distraction.

Its a lovely dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

luvly day, luvly day....



(repeat endlessly)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 10:08 AM

Bill Withers - Lovely day

Always sounds like he's singing 'Germany, Germany,Germany...'

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 10:11 AM

'Germany, Germany,Germany...'

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2DnUxLISFcA

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Blue
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 10:55 AM

Some woman singing in a pub in Worcestershire about Bairns dying the coal shed,
'there's Bairns there
'there's bairns there
Oh my god she went on and on and on
Put me off folk for 20 years

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: olddude
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 10:47 PM

For me, Harper Valley PTA ranks right up there

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,extremely norman
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 04:34 AM

The suggestions so far are tunes that would be liked by *somebody*

This is appalling.
Nobody will like it.
It's so bad, it's funny.

Jeg kan en sang der kan drive dig til vanvid

It's even a little kind of....folkie..... sort of...... maybe...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Seaking
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 06:01 AM

If you play along with it in a dropped D tuning it's still better than 'Lovely day'...

Chris

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Geoff Wallis
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 11:40 AM

Bobby McFerrin's 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' - when we drove across the US it was on the radio (no matter which station) virtually all the time. The only exception was a station called something like 'The Voice of God in Las Vegas' which was all we could get in a desert region.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: dwditty
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 12:07 PM

Peace & Ranger Steve, I quite agree with Horse with No Name and just about everyother song they did - AIn;t it foggy outside, indeed. But my all time favorite song to hate is Neil Dialnd's I Am, I Said in which he becomes even more depressed when his chair won't even talk to him. Mr. Diamond, your Barcalounger is on line 1.

dw

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Def Shepard
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 12:38 PM

Anything, and I do mean ANYTHING recorded by Celine Dion * runs off to the bathroom*

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Dave MacKenzie
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 07:48 PM

I've been trying to erase them all from memory, however "Delila" has surfaced. (Apart from the versions by Alex Harvey and the Leningrad Cowboys - everybody else just does a jolly old sing-a-long; when they do it you know this guy's really lost it!)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 09:04 PM

Lyrics don't come much better than this:

Cha Cha Slide

Clap your hands everybody
Slide to the left
take it back now yal
One hop this time
Right foot lets stomp
Left foot lets stomp
Cha Cha now yal
To the left
Take it back now yal
Two hops this time
Two on the left
Two on the right
Cha Cha now yal
Slide to the right
Slide to the left
Take it back now yal
One hop this time
Right foot lets stomp
Left foot lets stomp
Charlie Brown
Cha Cha now yal
Five hops this time
Touch your knees
how low can you go
can go down low
All the way to floor
Can you bring it the top
like you never never stop
One hop this time
Right foot lets stomp
Left lets stomp
Reverse Reverse
Reverse Reverse
Cha Cha now y'all

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: fumblefingers
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 09:11 PM

Del Reeves had a bit hit with "Girl on the Billboard." While not a particularly good song, there are thousands worse.

"Transfusion," by Nervous Norvus, is about the worst rock and roll song of the 50s--maybe of all time.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 07:20 PM

200