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Song Challenge! - Part 89

Áine 19 Sep 02 - 04:00 PM
Bert 19 Sep 02 - 04:05 PM
McGrath of Harlow 19 Sep 02 - 05:06 PM
Áine 19 Sep 02 - 06:46 PM
Amos 19 Sep 02 - 07:11 PM
Gareth 19 Sep 02 - 07:36 PM
Áine 19 Sep 02 - 08:26 PM
Amos 19 Sep 02 - 11:35 PM
Blackcatter 19 Sep 02 - 11:50 PM
katlaughing 20 Sep 02 - 12:16 AM
Áine 20 Sep 02 - 09:45 AM
Deda 20 Sep 02 - 11:31 AM
Bo Vandenberg 20 Sep 02 - 12:07 PM
McGrath of Harlow 20 Sep 02 - 09:03 PM
GUEST 20 Sep 02 - 10:13 PM
Áine 20 Sep 02 - 10:24 PM
Jack the Sailor 21 Sep 02 - 02:44 AM
Aidan Crossey 23 Sep 02 - 08:32 AM
Amos 23 Sep 02 - 11:30 AM
Áine 23 Sep 02 - 11:38 AM
MMario 23 Sep 02 - 12:01 PM
Aidan Crossey 23 Sep 02 - 12:15 PM
Áine 23 Sep 02 - 12:44 PM
GUEST,Boromir 23 Sep 02 - 01:34 PM
Jack the Sailor 23 Sep 02 - 03:56 PM
Amos 23 Sep 02 - 04:00 PM
Áine 23 Sep 02 - 05:22 PM
Genie 23 Sep 02 - 07:27 PM
Bo Vandenberg 23 Sep 02 - 08:18 PM
mousethief 24 Sep 02 - 03:29 AM
Amos 24 Sep 02 - 10:08 AM
Áine 24 Sep 02 - 10:52 AM
Amos 24 Sep 02 - 11:26 AM
GUEST,Sonja 26 Sep 02 - 04:27 AM
Genie 26 Sep 02 - 05:31 AM
Genie 26 Sep 02 - 03:51 PM
mousethief 27 Sep 02 - 01:34 AM
Amos 27 Sep 02 - 01:49 AM
GUEST,Bi-otch 27 Sep 02 - 04:31 AM
Amos 27 Sep 02 - 10:57 AM
GUEST,Sonja 27 Sep 02 - 01:26 PM
DonD 27 Sep 02 - 07:50 PM
mousethief 28 Sep 02 - 12:03 AM
Genie 28 Sep 02 - 02:41 AM
Áine 28 Sep 02 - 10:34 AM
mousethief 29 Sep 02 - 05:17 PM
Áine 29 Sep 02 - 05:21 PM
GUEST,Sonja 30 Sep 02 - 12:20 AM
Áine 30 Sep 02 - 10:43 AM
Amos 30 Sep 02 - 11:00 AM
DonD 30 Sep 02 - 02:27 PM
MMario 30 Sep 02 - 02:36 PM
Amos 30 Sep 02 - 03:10 PM
Genie 30 Sep 02 - 09:41 PM
mousethief 30 Sep 02 - 10:58 PM
Boromir 01 Oct 02 - 01:29 PM
GUEST,Michael McVey 03 Dec 04 - 04:36 PM
GUEST,Michael McVey 03 Dec 04 - 05:16 PM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 04:00 PM

Hello, my lovely, lovely, Challenge!rs!! Hope you all enjoyed your respite from banging your brains against the wall of creation while I wrestled with the giant 10-foot tall ragweed plants that are growing down in the creek across from Moon On The Hill (. . . aaaahhhhh CHOOOO! -- sniff -- hork -- cough . . .) I think y'all get the picture *BG* Alrightey then, here we go again, so find your favourite colour of crayon and your roll of TP, 'cuz you're gonna need lots of at least one of 'em for this one (which was sent in to The Keeper of the Book by Amos -- Thanks, darlin'!):

Punter Shop Pilferer Put In Pokey By Poo On Shoe -- SYDNEY (Reuters) - A glob of dog excrement on a Queensland robber's shoe has been used as evidence to identify him, landing him with a 10-year stretch for a betting shop hold-up on Australia's Gold Coast.

Police said Thursday they had used enhanced photos from a security camera to match the pattern of excrement found at the crime scene to that on 26-year-old Jacob Smith's shoe.

"It's not rocket science. It's as plain as poo on your shoe," police sergeant Alan Piper, a veteran scientific officer, was quoted by local media as saying.

"It could have been one of a thousand or ten thousand shoes, but because that poo was there it was creating a great big feature that allowed us to go to a positive identification."

"I'd say there has been some more poo on the shoe but it has worn away," said Piper, who admitted to also doing a smell test.

Smith, who had wrapped a sheet around his face to hide his identity during the heist, was jailed in June for 10 years and 10 months on charges of robbery, being armed and in company and unlawful use of a motor vehicle.


Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Bert
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 04:05 PM

Tom Paxton's 'Song for a lost Election' springs instantly to mind.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 05:06 PM

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.


Lying on me back and a sniffing at the smell
Rising from the boots that have put me in the cell
I'm a robber with a difference, more especially when I'm shod,
And I haven't got no mates, they call me "Smelly little sod".

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.


I walked into the bookies, "Put your hands in the air"
I didn't think to look at the doggie standing there.
I didn't think to look, no, I wasn't thinking well,
And I put me foot right in it, and they tracked me by the smell.

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.


Oh curse that bloody dog, I've been landed in the shit,
And I can't stand Rolf Harris, not a single bloody bit.
I'm serving out me sentence, and I'm holding of me nose,
And I wish that I was taller, and was further from me toes.

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.


I had a prison visit from dear old Uncle Tom
"You're a shame to all Australia, why you smell just like a pom.
You're a bloody liability, and I'll tell you short and sweet,
Give up the bloody robbing – and go wash your bloody feet.

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.


("Click Go The Shears" of course.)

italics and line breaks fixed by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 06:46 PM

Ah Kevin, what a fantastic first entry!! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for this verse, which points out yet another problem of short people (like myself):

Oh curse that bloody dog, I've been landed in the shit,
And I can't stand Rolf Harris, not a single bloody bit.
I'm serving out me sentence, and I'm holding of me nose,
And I wish that I was taller, and was further from me toes.


-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 07:11 PM

Dog Poo on Your Reeboks


Tune: Lipstick on Your Collar (Connie Francis)



When you slipped away that night, you were really tanked!
Told me you were going out, to knock off a bannnk!
You were gone for much too long, I got mad as hell,
Found you in the precinct house, locked up in a cellll!

Dogpoo on your Reebok
Told a tale on you-ou-ou!
Dogpoo on your Reebocks
Showed you up for trueeee!
You screwed it up biiiig time,
So to hell withyou!
Cuz dog poo on your Reebock
Told a tale on you!


You asked me to go your bail
Like a good gal shoouuuld,
Well, you better listen hard.
You better listen good!
Sticking to a looooser
Is something I won't do!
Since dog poo on your Reeboks
Told a tale on you!

Dogpoo on your Reebok
Told a tale on you-ou-ou!
Dogpoo on your Reebocks
Showed you up for trueeee!
You screwed it up biiiig time,
So to hell withyou!
Cuz dog poo on your Reebock
Told a tale on you!


You can sit there for a month
Makes no diff to meeeee
I expect that in the can
Is where you oughta beee!
Thought your were so cool and smart
Thought you were so neat!
How come you were so damn dumb
You couldn't watch your feet!??

Dogpoo on your Reebok
Told a tale on you-ou-ou!
Dogpoo on your Reebocks
Showed you up for trueeee!
You screwed it up biiiig time,
So to hell with you!
Cuz dog poo on your Reebock
Told a tale on you!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Gareth
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 07:36 PM

Obviously in deep Doo-Doo

Gareth


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 08:26 PM

Great job there, Amos -- even if your song was a 'shoe-in' from the get-go (hehehe). Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for this wee whit of wisdom:

You can sit there for a month
Makes no diff to meeeee
I expect that in the can
Is where you oughta beee!
Thought your were so cool and smart
Thought you were so neat!
How come you were so damn dumb
You couldn't watch your feet!??


-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 11:35 PM

A SHOE-in??? Groan!! That's a pretty sticky remark, dear Goddess. It's gonna leave tracks, I can tell...

Love ya!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Blackcatter
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 11:50 PM

One would imagine that the prosecution needed just a junior lawyer for this case. No need for a heavy-weight that can generate a "dresser full" of evidence. All that was needed was someone who could produce a little stool.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 12:16 AM

Poo(p) Gets In Your Treads (Smoke gets in your eyes)

I asked them how they knew that that poo was my true poo
They of course replied "some treadmarks can't be denied"
They said "someday you'll find only you stepped in poo not-dried
When you robbed the store, you must realize the aroma got in our noses."
So I blushed and hung my head in shame to think that my dog's movement caught me out
So today I sit and curse at when the poop got in my treads.

Now laughing "cons" deride tears I cannot hide
So I smile and say "when a pile of poo steams, don't step in it 'cause you'll get caught like me, when poop gets in your treads!"

(poop gets in your treads, poop gets in your treads)

Poop gets in your TREADS








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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 09:45 AM

Way to go, kat! It's great to see you hanging 'round these parts again ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for this choice bit o' bull:

So I blushed and hung my head in shame to think that my dog's movement caught me out
So today I sit and curse at when the poop got in my treads


Come on, Challenge!rs -- put your right feet out and do the 'poopy pokey' all night long *BG*

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Deda
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 11:31 AM

These shoes
Tune = These Boots are made for walking...

Cops keep sayin' they got something one me
Something they call crime, but I guess
I've been steppin' where I shouldna been a steppin
And my poopy shoes have gone and done confessed

CHORUS:
These shoes were made for walking, and that's just what they did
These stinking heels of shoes have gone and walked me into sh*t
(Da da dum, Da da dum, Da da dum, Da da dum)

Folks keep payin where they shouldna be playin'
Folks keep losing when they oughta not bet
I kept thinkin' when I oughta been lookin'
About gettin' rich on whatever I could get

CHORUS

Folks keep saying I had something on me
Something with a stink, I admit
Cops came smelling where they shouldna been a smelling
And now Sargent Piper saying my bad shoes fit

CHORUS

Dogs keep poopin' where they shouldna be poopin'
Folks keep steppin' into piles of crap
I hid my face with a brand new mask of sheeting, yeah
But the smell of dog poop triggered Piper's trap

CHORUS


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Bo Vandenberg
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 12:07 PM

Poop On His Shoe
The Case of Jacob Michael Smith
http://www.couriermail.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5936,5124877%255E3102,00.html
To the Tune of 'Sloop John B'


We came on the poop you see
The detective and me
Down at the scene of the crime, the betting house heist
He has to admit, that he stepped in it
The lab reports in, the robber was he.


So call out your warrant men, haul him away to the pen
Send for the courthouse judge and take him from home
He gets his free phone
At his lawyer to moan...
The lab reports in, the robber was he.


Bailiff broke the news,
Told the press our clues
"Pilferer Put In Pokey By Poo On (his) Shoe"
He stepped in that stink
Now he's in the clink
The solution was most Aliment'ry


So call out your warrant men, haul him away to the pen
Send for the courthouse judge and take him from home
Take him from home
No more can he roam
The solution was most Aliment'ry



For crimes that he has done,
One Hundred and Thirty Months
Bet he will miss his family, but not his dog
Is the prisoner clean,
Where have his shoes have been
The lab reports in, the robber was he.



Bo Vandenberg


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 09:03 PM

Here's a second fit:

There was a wild colonial dog, and Dougal was his name.
He was born and raised in Queensland, in the Gold Coast far away.
He was a loyal kind of lad, in rude and ruddy health,
But when he got excited, he could not contain himself.

That mornng in the bookies shop young Dougal lay at ease,
He was listening to those mocking birds, and scratching at his fleas.
In came a bold young robber, with a pistol in his hand,
And he said "Stand and deliver, for I am a plundering man".

Now Dougal, it must be confessed, was not as brave as some,
And when he saw that pistol, he was most inclined to run.
Yes, when he saw that pistol he only had got one thought,
But the great excitement was too much, and he was taken short.

Well the robber laughed to see the sight, "You're a dirty dog for sure"
And he put the money in his bag, and he sauntered out the door,
But as he passed what Dougal did, he trod so carelessly,
And he left his mark in passing, oh so very clear to see.

Now Dougal is a hero and the robber is confined
And all along the Queensland coast young Dougal's name does shine.
He's a credit to his country, he's a loyal dog and true,
He saved the day, and he earned his pay, when he did what a dog must do.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 10:13 PM

LOL!! Nicwe to see ya chiming in, there, Bo!! Deda and Kevin are both up to your usual...high...standards :>)

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 10:24 PM

A trio of trepidatious trillin'!! Way to go, Challenge!rs -- I knew you'd step right in it and do your thang (hehehe). Here are the latest and greatest Silver B.L.O.B.s (and how well deserved these blobs are!):

To Deda for:

Folks keep saying I had something on me
Something with a stink, I admit
Cops came smelling where they shouldna been a smelling
And now Sargent Piper saying my bad shoes fit


To Sigurd for this tasty bit (and to think I just learned to play 'Sloop John B.' on my mandolin - oh happy days!):

Bailiff broke the news,
Told the press our clues
"Pilferer Put In Pokey By Poo On (his) Shoe"
He stepped in that stink
Now he's in the clink
The solution was most Aliment'ry


And to McGrath for leaving this mark of the wild colonial dog (love it!):

Well the robber laughed to see the sight, "You're a dirty dog for sure"
And he put the money in his bag, and he sauntered out the door,
But as he passed what Dougal did, he trod so carelessly,
And he left his mark in passing, oh so very clear to see.


You all are just too good to be true ;-)

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Sep 02 - 02:44 AM

Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when they smell your shoe


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 08:32 AM

The Shite That Got Larry A Stretch

The shite that got Larry a stretch fell out of the back of a doggy
At the scene of the crime it lay fresh, all steamin' and fumin' and soggy
And treading with stealth and with care, yet poor Larry should've avoided
The wee pile of crap that lay there, which lately some mongrel had voided
His owner ignorin' the act

The filth on the sole of his boot proved Larry's doubt beyond question
No alibi could Larry moot, no reason, excuse or suggestion
The judge he peered down his nose, and said "We have caught you red-handed
And brown-footed too I suppose". With a crash his oul' gavel then landed
As Larry, he wept in the dock.

If the owner had scooped up the poop, then Larry would still be a-crimin'
But now the unfortunate dupe from the cell that he's doin' some time in
Is frettin' and makin' up plans to seek his revenge on the barker
He sweats as he wrings his oul' hands and daily his visage grows darker
He's mutterin' into his beard

The night that poor Larry got free, the dogs in the town were in terror
Till at last at a quarter to three, he met up with the source of the error
And oh, the howls and the yelps, and oh the poor doggy's pleading
As he gave the dog's arse such a skelp that the mongrel's oul nose started bleedin'
Says Larry "Rough justice is done".

And now when he's out on his rounds, poor Larry's oul' nose it is twitchin'
He keeps his oul' eyes to the ground, in case some dog's shite is a glitch in
His divilment, malice as well, his burglary, robbin' and thevin'
He'll avoid a sojourn in the cell by skirting all wayward dog's leavings
And the foul-smellin' offerin's of cats

Now … a plug. One in a very occasional series of the same. I hope you bear with me.

I get the occasional PM from people who say they enjoy my postings to Áine's challenge!s. That being the case, you may be interested to know that I have put together a CD of traditional and original tunes and songs (The Humours of Lewisham Volume 2) which is available via my website, Pay The Reckoning. The recordings are demo-quality – so don't expect a great deal of sophistication! (As if, I hear you say …) However they're made with passion, honesty and commitment.

If you think you might be interested, then have a look at Pay The Reckoning's Humours Of Lewisham page. In any event you might enjoy a wander around the site generally (there's a fairly straightforward navigation section on each page). There's a lot of vaguely scabrous and silly stuff scattered about, as well as just as much serious material.

Thanks a lot … and sorry for hijackin' the thread, Áine, a chara!

It's all yours again.





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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 11:30 AM

Ach, Derry-lad, you're incomparable.

Who'd a thought a dog turd could bring out such beauty from you? :>)

a


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 11:38 AM

Ach, a chara chóir -- hijack away! Glad to see you stop by and leave us all gobsmacked with your deliciously devilish ditty ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for this wee dip in the doo:

And now when he's out on his rounds, poor Larry's oul' nose it is twitchin'
He keeps his oul' eyes to the ground, in case some dog's shite is a glitch in
His divilment, malice as well, his burglary, robbin' and thievin'
He'll avoid a sojourn in the cell by skirting all wayward dog's leavings
And the foul-smellin' offerin's of cats


Maith thú!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: MMario
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 12:01 PM

POOP Gets on Your Shoe
(Tune: Smoke gets in your eyes)

You wonder how they knew
The robber it was you
Sarge Piper replied, rocket science aside
easy identify!

How could we not have found
The leavings of the hound
When you put your foot in to the doggy-doo,
Poop gets in your shoe!

Now Jacob Smith it's true
Would I lie to you?
The camara caught the vile brown spot!
poop gets in your shoe!

Poop gets in your shoe!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 12:15 PM

SHITTY BOY JAKE
(after Pretty Boy Floyd)

Come gather round me people and a story I will tell
Of Ozzie Jake the outlaw, Australia knew him well
His mischief and his thieving caused many to despair
They upped and upped the bounty, but Jacob didn't care

He'd slip in through your window when you were in your dreams
Wake up in the morning and find that you'd been cleaned
No fingerprints to trace him, he struck where'er he chose
Few were the friends of Jacob and many were his foes

It was way out in the outback, he left a fatal clue
The imprint of a sneaker in a heap of dingo poo
They called the state forensic team, who probed and poked and smelt
And soon the heat was on him and poor Jacob's collar felt

The judge he found him guilty and passed sentence with a smile
He said "Jake, your theiving days are done, you'll serve a lengthy while"
And Jake has time to ruminate on how he'd steal and loot
If it wasn't for the dingo, whose shite was on his boot

If it wasn't for that dingo who laid a cunning trap
By its thought to lay in Jacob's way a little pile of crap
And Jake has time to rue his crimes while serving out his bird
He'd still be free for villainy, if it weren't for dingo turds


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 12:44 PM

Well, well -- looks like things are warming up around here today ;-) Let's do some more Silver B.L.O.B. slingin', shall we?

To (or should that be 'on') MMario for:

How could we not have found
The leavings of the hound
When you put your foot in to the doggy-doo,
Poop gets in your shoe!


And to derrymacash, for takin' us out to the back with:

If it wasn't for that dingo who laid a cunning trap
By its thought to lay in Jacob's way a little pile of crap
And Jake has time to rue his crimes while serving out his bird
He'd still be free for villainy, if it weren't for dingo turds


Well done, fellas!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: GUEST,Boromir
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 01:34 PM

I knew a guy named Bumblin' Bob
Who likes to cheat, steal and rob
He tried to boost the punters daily take

He hopped right over the pooch
To go buy himself some hooch.
But stepped right in to what all pooches make.

He's in the jailhouse now
He's in the jailhouse now.
Didn't look where he was steppin' to
And stepped right into doggy doo
He's in the jailhouse now.

Bob tried to cover his face
So he could exit without a trace
With money people risked from honest pay

Bob wasn't doin' very much thinkin'
To the stuff on his shoe that was stink'n
I guess he didn't make a very clean getaway.

He's in the jailhouse now
He's in the jailhouse now.
Didn't look where he was steppin' to
And stepped right into doggy doo
He's in the jailhouse now.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 03:56 PM

GUEST,Boromir

Har! Har! Good one!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 04:00 PM

LOL, Boromir!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 05:22 PM

LOL Boromir! That's a right catchy lil' song you got there ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for these hum-inducing lines:

I knew a guy named Bumblin' Bob
Who likes to cheat, steal and rob
He tried to boost the punters daily take

He hopped right over the pooch
To go buy himself some hooch.
But stepped right in to what all pooches make


-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Genie
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 07:27 PM

Well, here's my humble bit of doggerel to add to the pile.

Genie
 

Stinkin' Frame-up
By Genie
Tune:  Stormy Weather

Don't know who
Put the dog poo on my shoe--
Stinkin' frame-up!
Someone's tryin' to mess me good name up,
Sayin' I did the crime, the crime.

It's not fair!
Poop and crap are everywhere--
It's a frame up!
Now the verdict's finally came up--
I'm lookin' at hard time, hard time.
I'm lookin' at hard time.

Since some bloke robbed a shop,
The "blues" walked in and nabbed me.
(I'm sure that "Piper" cop
Put the crap there to entrap me.)
Now I just sit and pray
No horny con will grab me,
Or I'll be on the run once more!

It's a sin!
Now I'm doin' ten and ten--
Stinkin' frame-up!
(Wish, at least, they'd bring me a dame up!
I'm waning all the time, the time.)
This sh*t's gettin' to my mind!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Bo Vandenberg
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 08:18 PM

Well done Boromir,

My vote for the "contributors, wished I woulda written that but didn't" goes to Boromir.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: mousethief
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 03:29 AM

The Dung on My Sneakers
tune: Son of a Preacher Man

I'm Jacob Smith and a robber man
I'm stealin' everything I can
When I came into the betting shop
I had a sheet wound around my top
All's you could see was my eyes
But O Lord! to my surprise...

The only way they could ever catch me
Was the dung on my sneakers, man
They got a positive ID to match me
From the dung on my sneakers, man
Yes it was, it was, oh yes it was

Bein' a crook isn't always easy
No matter how hard I try
But who'd'a thought the cops could ID me
From the shit that was nearly dry
I guess it must've left a trail
Now I'm sittin' here in jail
I'd be safe at home instead
Except for the turd on my Nike's tread

The only way they could ever catch me
Was the dung on my sneakers, man
They got a positive ID to match me
From the dung on my sneakers, man
Yes it was, it was, oh yes it was

Copyright ©2002 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 10:08 AM

LOL, MT!! Funny as hell!! I can hear the Supremes cutting it to disk!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 10:52 AM

Aaaaaahhhhh -- I love the smell of Challenge! songs in the morning! ;-)

Two more marvelous musical machinations deserving of Silver B.L.O.B.s -- Excellent! So, here we go:

To Genie, for this gamey iota of internal rhyme:

Since some bloke robbed a shop,
The "blues" walked in and nabbed me.
(I'm sure that "Piper" cop
Put the crap there to entrap me.)
Now I just sit and pray
No horny con will grab me,
Or I'll be on the run once more!


And to mousethief, for this snappy snip of song:

Bein' a crook isn't always easy
No matter how hard I try
But who'd'a thought the cops could ID me
From the shit that was nearly dry
I guess it must've left a trail
Now I'm sittin' here in jail
I'd be safe at home instead
Except for the turd on my Nike's tread


Way To Go, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 11:26 AM

This gives a whole new meaning to the expression "You're in a heap a' trubble, boy -- I'm the Sheriff of Boone County!".

:>)

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 26 Sep 02 - 04:27 AM

Here's my first real atttempt to write a rap number.  Obviously, it's spoken, very rhythmically, with the de rigeur back-beat percussion as background.

Sonja

Dog Crap Rap

By Snoop Doggy Doo

Now here's a little story 'bout a city dude named Jacob,
Jus' loser dude who thought he'd be a move-ah and a shake-ah.
He thought he'd pull a clever heist and fool the local coppers,
Now he's doin' ten and ten in the pen like any robber.

Oh, the Gold Coast streets, they can really be a challenge
With the ho's and the pimps out to sell a bit o' dalliance,
You can try to make your fortune with a well-placed wager
In the betting shops or try to make the drug deals with a pager.

Now Jake he been a messin' with a skank called Queensland Shiela--
Got a booty like a mama 'roo, an' a groove wit'out a equa'.
She could shake like Krakatoa, make a sober man see double,
But the lady loved her luxury--that got our boy in trouble.

Well, the night was dark and cloudy when the boy began his caper
With a sheet around his face to disguise him from the gapers.
He broke into the punter shop thru a unlocked transom,
Stole the cash from the till and a bitch to hold for ransom.

I ain't talkin' 'bout the kind of bitch that sashays thru the ghettoes
Wearin' crocodile bikinis and them 5-inch high stilettoes,
No, this puppy was a cross between a dingo and a poodle
That the shopkeeper bought to guard the whole kit and kaboodle.

But the watchdog was too wimpy to chomp intruders' heinies--
She'd just cower in the corner, lift 'er leg, and get all whiny,
And if she was really traumatized she'd hover by the door
And leave a large deposit, in her panic, on the floor.

(Scratching break)

So when Jacob picked the mongrel up and stuffed 'er in his jacket
She was feelin' claustrophobic and began to make a racket,
So he dropped the yappy mutt and kicked her in the derrière--
Yes, he lit'rally kicked the crap out of that doggie then and there.

Then he heard the sirens wailing, 'cause the cops had heard the "arf"ing,
And he sprinted toward the exit turning white and nearly barfing.
When he hopped into that Outback and he headed for its namesake
He was breathin' like a orca and tremblin' like a earthquake.

But he figured he'd escaped the long appendage of the law
When he pulled into his hideout and no flashing lights he saw,
And even though the vehicle was smelling kinda crappy,
He said, "Oh, what the hell?  I gotta take a little nappy."

And when the morning sunlight slapped ol' Jacob in the face,
From the window he saw squad cars, coppers crawling 'round the place.
Then a voice chirped from the squawk box, "G'day, Jake.  I'm Sergeant Piper
An' we've got you quite surrounded with our pepper spray and snipers."

"Hey, man, I ain't done nothin'!"  Jacob yelled above the speakers.
Sergeant Piper calmly smiled and said, "Oh, no?  Let's see your sneakers."
They compared the soles of Jacob's shoes with store security videos
And Piper even sniffed "exhibit A" (though it smelled hideous!).

Well, the jury found Jake guilty of the felony he'd hatched,
'Cause the pattern of excreta on his soles was closely matched
To the pattern of the squished-up pile the store's watch dog had squirted
When Jake so cruelly kicked the little bitch right where it hurted.

(Scratching break)

Now the moral of this canine tale is eas'ly told or sung:
A life of crime will land you in a heap of doggy dung.
No real man takes his anger out on poor defenseless critters--
Kick a doggy in the ass and you're really full of shit, sir!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Genie
Date: 26 Sep 02 - 05:31 AM

I didn't read any of the other folks' entries until today, since I was (actually still am) still working on my own. Now that I've read them, I've gotta say, they're great!

Boromir, yours is a classic!

Jack, I love your refrain. Can we hear the rest of it, too?

Hilarious, McGrath! (both of 'em)

Amos, I love your "Dog Poo On Your Reebok" song. If I'd thought of that ol' Connie Francis song first, I might have written "Pup Shit Made The Collar" as an alternative parody, but yours is a dog-gone riot! I think your sis is giving you a run for your poetic money, though. ;-)

Kat, MMario, how could you do that to such a pretty song?! LOL

Aidan, your verses are so overwhelmingly ... picturesque!

LMAO, Alex! (as usual)

Genie


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Genie
Date: 26 Sep 02 - 03:51 PM

This Challenge! could generate its own Top Ten Titles list (after the ones posted above have run their course in the charts, of course):

10. Dog-Poo Clue (Blue Bayou)

9. Convicted By Poo On My Shoo (Tune: Rosin The Bow)

8. The Crap Spot (The Crab Fish)

7. Jack The Rogue (Jackaroe)

6. Jack The Rogue (Mack The Knife)

5. When The Shit Came In (Tune:When The Ship Comes In)

4. Track The Stinkin' Perp Down, Lads (Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport)

3. Fecal Trackin' Papa, Lay That Booty Down (Pistol-Packin' Mama)

2. Sergeant Piper's Sneaker-Sniffin' Squad or Sergeant Piper's [Snoopy] Poopy Sniffin' Squad or Sergeant Piper's Snoopy Nose Club Squad

1. Dog-Poo Shoes and In The Can, Rowdy! (Shoo-fly Pie and Apple Pan Dowdy)

Hey, I'd like to hear some of those! ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: mousethief
Date: 27 Sep 02 - 01:34 AM

Shit from a Dog on my Shoe
(tune: Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay)

Sittin' in my prison cell
I'll be sittin' here for years this spell
I robbed a betting store
Thought I'd get away for shore

But this shit from a dog on my shoe
Left a big trail of doggie poo
This shit from a dog on my shoe
Got me caught, awwwwwwwwt.

I left my home this morning
Headed for the betting shop
On the way I musta stepped in
Something that Rover dropped

Now this shit from a dog on my shoe
Left a big trail of doggie poo
This shit from a dog on my shoe
Got me caught, awwwwwwt.

Looked like nothing could go wrong
Wrapped my face with a linen thong
But I stepped in a big pile of doggie poo
So following my trail was easy to do

Detective Piper has caught me
Yes that cop is very bright
He sniffed the soles of my Nikes
Then put the cuffs on good and tight

Yeah this shit from a dog on my shoe
Left a big trail of doggie poo
This shit from a dog on my shoe
Got me caught, awwwwwwwwt.

(fade out: whistling; seagull & surf SFX)

Copyright ©2002 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 02 - 01:49 AM

LOL!! MT -- you have that touch.

Genie -- you are on a roll with titles--the subject caught your Muse, huh??? :>) Dare ya to write all those lyrics!! LOL Nice work!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: GUEST,Bi-otch
Date: 27 Sep 02 - 04:31 AM

Snoop Doggy Poo -- isn't he that new crap artist superstar, Sonja?

I think most of these songs call for some serious "scat" singing.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 02 - 10:57 AM

Very scata-logical proposition, Biotch! :>)

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 27 Sep 02 - 01:26 PM

Another gem, Alex!

Yup, Biotch and Amos, Snoop Doggy Poo is a great scat(ological) singer, and a crap artist, too. (It's the dogs who provide the scratching for his (c)rap tunes.

SWO


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: DonD
Date: 27 Sep 02 - 07:50 PM

Am I too late?

'Twas there in Sydney I was doing my thing,
Relieving a bookie of the wages of sin.
A simple heist at that bookie's in Sydney
When that mutt crapped me up; he sure did, didn't he?

As I was entering the betting shop,
Face cloth-wrapped to fool any cop,
Cloth-wrapped to defy identification,
But it crapped up my powers of observation.

I was doing my business, breaking the law,
And the mutt did his business, which I never saw,
(Where was his owner with the damn pooper-scooper?)
Setting me up for Sergeant Piper, the trooper.

Off home with the swag, man, jolly, I went,
Not guessing that Piper was hot on the scent,
I sensed a vague stench, saw some stains on the floor,
Never thought that'd be what I was collared for.

The judge said ten years I'd be paying my dues,
Not so much for the theft as the poo on my shoes,
And now all my jailmates a good laugh enjoy,
And the name that they call me is ...

(wait for it)

... the crappy boy!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: mousethief
Date: 28 Sep 02 - 12:03 AM

Very nice wordplay, Don D! A very welcome addition to the Challenge! tradition!

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Genie
Date: 28 Sep 02 - 02:41 AM

"The Crappy boy"--now, THAT has gotta be in the top ten titles, Don!

§;-D


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 28 Sep 02 - 10:34 AM

My, my, my -- Git down, homeys!! You all are just amazin' ;-) Just when I thought that this subject couldn't be dug into any deeper, you all just dive down to the bottom of the pile and bring up the goods, don't ya? No rank amateurs here, no sirree!! Here are you're well earned (and well named) Silver B.L.O.B.s --

To Sonya, for throwin' down this hot handful:

Now Jake he been a messin' with a skank called Queensland Shiela--
Got a booty like a mama 'roo, an' a groove wit'out a equa'.
She could shake like Krakatoa, make a sober man see double,
But the lady loved her luxury--that got our boy in trouble.


To mousethief, for this descriptive double dipper:

Looked like nothing could go wrong
Wrapped my face with a linen thong
But I stepped in a big pile of doggie poo
So following my trail was easy to do

Detective Piper has caught me
Yes that cop is very bright
He sniffed the soles of my Nikes
Then put the cuffs on good and tight


And to DonD, for the excellent extrication of excrimental excitement:

The judge said ten years I'd be paying my dues,
Not so much for the theft as the poo on my shoes,
And now all my jailmates a good laugh enjoy,
And the name that they call me is ...

(wait for it)

... the crappy boy!



Wow! You all give a brandnew meaning to the phrase "ROTFLMAO", don't ya know!! Way to go, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: mousethief
Date: 29 Sep 02 - 05:17 PM

Egad! We have fallen off the page.

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 29 Sep 02 - 05:21 PM

Don't worry, Alex -- I'm fixin' to start throwin' out them Cow Chip Awards . . .

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 30 Sep 02 - 12:20 AM

Thanks for the silver B.L.O.B., Aine! (But it was Snoop Doggy Doo who is responsible for "Dog Crap Rap," of course.)

SWO


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Áine
Date: 30 Sep 02 - 10:43 AM

All right, Challenge!rs -- I've left you standing in it long enough, I guess ;-) -- Here are your well earned and well deserved Cow Chips. Cudos, congrats and many thanks for the piles of poetry you hauled in for this one ;-) Great job, everyone!

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Bumblin' Bob by Boromir
The Crappy Boy by DonD
Dog Crap Rap by Snoop Doggy Doo (a/k/a Sonja)
The Dung On My Sneakers by mousethief
Shit From A Dog On My Shoe by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Poo(p) Gets In Your Treads by katlaughing
POOP Gets On Your Shoe by MMario
Poop On His Shoe by Sigurd
Shitty Boy Jake by derrymacash
The Wild Colonial Dog by McGrath of Harlow

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

Dog Poo On Your Reeboks by Amos
The Tell-Tale Turd by McGrath of Harlow

Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

The Shite That Got Larry A Stretch by derrymacash
Stinkin' Frame-up by Genie
These Shoes by Deda


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 02 - 11:00 AM

Love that green froth, TGG!! Thanks!!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: DonD
Date: 30 Sep 02 - 02:27 PM

The Crappy Boy particularly appreciates the appropriate 'shamrock cluster'. Are awards cumulative? Frequent Rhymer Points would be nice, but The Crappy Boy would really like 'Green Points'.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: MMario
Date: 30 Sep 02 - 02:36 PM

Now why hasn't anyone thought about FRP's before? It would take care of the pesky need to keep ordering larger virtual mantels on which to display all these awards - because FRP's could be traded in for more prestigous (but smaller) items.


Say 1,000,000 FRP's gets you a Saggy tortoise statuette with the noddy head; 20,000,000 FRP's gets a Song Spittoon - and only 50,000,000,000 gets a life size full colour representation of TGG!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 02 - 03:10 PM

Man, MM, ya better watch it. Being a GG, the TGG can embrace any avatar or form she wishes on a mortal plane, and having been priveleged to see the gauze-wrapped and shapely form as whom Herself sees Herself , I can promise you you would melt any mantlepiece you tried to put such a statue on, and you'd have to keep your eyes turned away when accepting or moving it, because one glance would turn certain parts of you to stone, semi-permanent like.

Don't say I didn't warn ya!!


:>))


A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Genie
Date: 30 Sep 02 - 09:41 PM

Once again, thanks, çine! Somehow a Cow Chip for writing a song about dog poop seems terribly poetic!

¤;-D


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: mousethief
Date: 30 Sep 02 - 10:58 PM

No spittle again. Sigh. I shall have to endeavor to write funnier songs.

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: Boromir
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 01:29 PM

Sorry not to have responded sooner. Thank you much for my award. I have been in Branson playing Silver Dollar City.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: GUEST,Michael McVey
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:36 PM


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 89
From: GUEST,Michael McVey
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 05:16 PM

More of my parodies on http://amiright.com/parody/authors/michaelmcvey.shtml

Steppin' in the S***
©2004 Michael W. McVey

Went to school, I had to go
Through the snow behind a Labrador, soiled my shoes
Steppin' in the s***
Next door to me's a moron, he lets his dog roam free
I'm so mad I could spit
Steppin in' the s***

I'm just about to telephone the troopers
At least the oik should get a pooper-scooper (pooper-scooper)
Tried to walk to the store, some stuff to get
It was no use, I threw a fit
Steppin' in the s***

Take him to the city pound!
Both my neighbor and his hound!
I can't afford to buy more shoes
I have really got the blues
My closet smells just like a sewer
I've become the world's best pugh!-er
Wish he'd get a fence
Wish he'd get some sense!!!

My shoes are brown, they make me frown
I'm tired of walkin' through this town, it is the pits
Steppin in the s***

The fair's in town, I came on down
and I won a smelly-sneaker contest
Steppin in the s***

My neighbor just brough home another puppy
I wish that he would stick to raising guppies (guppy, guppy)
He gave me flack when I attacked
His pooch's back, and its feet got wet
Steppin in the s***

He won't do nuttin' about the odor
His dog's unruly and he won't scold her
I'm going to sue the nincompoop for every shoe
that I lose because I'm sick, of
Steppin in the s***
Steppin in the s***
Steppin in the s***
Steppin in the s***


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