Best long joke interspersed in a set

Subject: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: wilco
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 10:01 AM

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I go to a lot of live bluegrass shows, where one of the musicians will start telling a joke early in the set, arouses your curiousity, and tells parts of it between songs, eventually coming to an outragous conclusion. A good example is either the "I hit a dog in my car" story or the "Missouri Jumping Mule" Story. It rally adds a lot to the performances. Here's the "Missouri jumping mule."
Play a song. Finish song.
Performer #1. You know, old brother got him one of those expensive Missouri Jumping mules. Paid $3000.00 dollars for it. Sold his tractor to pay for it.
Performer #2. Thats a whole lot for a mule, even one of those jouping Missouri mules. I seed one in the fair. jumped off a tower into a wtaering tank. About thirty foot or so.
Play another song then.
Performer 1. Yeap. Ols' brubber couldn't get that darn mule to jump a foot. Fell on his face everytime he tried. Almost broke the mules neck two or three times.
#2. Does he want to jump?
#1. wants to, but can't get no height at all. Believe he's afraid of heights. Put on a new set of horse shoes the other day, added about 1/2 inch to his height, and he got wide-eyed scared!
Play another song.
#1. Brother says he's a mule. I says he's a donkey. Big difference.
We bet hard money on it.
They start another song and #2 stops.
#2 Whats the difference? What differnce does it make?
#1. Ten dollars if its donkey.
Play another song.
#1 Preacher came by the other day, and we was trying to get him to jump. We was arguing aout if brother had mistakenly bought a donkey who was afraid of heights or a genuine Missouri jumping mule.
#2. What the preacher say.
#1. Well, you know he don't want to get in the middle of anything. he said, "Boys, you know in the bible, it says that its an ass." "You know old Balams ass."
Play another song.
#1. Dang thing finally did break his neck. Brubber was trying to get him to jump over the hedge near the front road there. I come by and said, "Brubber, he looks plenty dead. What we gonna do with him. I dont want to eat no mule."   Brother said "Lets bury him."
Start another song. #2 stops again.
#2 Well what happened?
#1. Well. we proceeded to dig a big hole right there next to the
street there. Didn't have no way to move it. Brother done sold his tractor. Got it all buried, and then this nosy neighbor came driving by causing trouble.
#1 starts song again. #2 won't play.
#2 What kind of trouble?
#1 He nosed around there, a'lookin here and there. And, then he says," Whatyou boys a'doing, diggin a foxhole?"
"No sir, I say. That's not what the preacher calls it."
Do last song.

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: Jim Krause
Date: 29 Oct 02 - 12:20 AM

Och, now I know why I play old-time music. We have a shorter version of that one. Stole it from the Skillet Lickers.

Clayton McMichen: Well Riley, I see you got a new mule. What did you give for him?
Riley Puckett: Oh, I traded for him.
CM: Well that's a mighty strange looking mule you got there. I never saw a mule with a tail like that before.
RP: Oh, this mule's tale's not before, it's behind!

Ba DUMP bump
Jim

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: wilco
Date: 29 Oct 02 - 08:50 AM

Two more good ones are the "dead Dog" and "Castaway" jokes. Both can run a whole set. Looking for more material.

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: InOBU
Date: 29 Oct 02 - 09:29 AM

This is a kind of Irish thing... a real groaner... Between tunes with Sorcha Dorcha, mostly Irish and Irish American audience... so I say, "You know how it is in Ireland, every one has a nickname, so ye can tell what they do, who they are by their name, well... it doesn't seem to be like that in America... but then again, I was at a party last night, and they introduced me to some fella, saying - this is Larry, he's a folk singer, they were introducing me to some yank who is also a musician, a fella named Bonjovy, so, sais I, Pleased to meet ya, and how long have ye been playin the Bonjo?" Groans from the audience.... Larry

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: Hrothgar
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 03:22 AM

Groans from us, too, Larry.

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 04:06 AM

Way back in the mists of the late 60s/early 70s, my old mate Barrie Roberts used to be in a band called the Songsmiths. One of the guys, Miff, was utterly hopeless at telling jokes, but he'd tell a long rambling story while everyone else was tuning up:

Somewhere in the middle of a big industrial area of a city is an ice cube factory. One morning they load up a lorry with ice cubes. When it's so full they can't get a single ice cube more on top, they take a big tarpaulin and cover the load. They tie the tarp down at the corners and at points along its sides. Finally the driver collects his delivery sheets, climbs into his cab and drives off through the gates. He drives throught the narrow city streets onto the main road. he drives on out of the city and into the countryside. He turns off onto a narrow country lane that winds this way and that, under low tree branches; and the tarp start to come untied at one corner. The road winds around the side of a hill, and comes to a bridge over the mouth of a railway tunnel. As it lurches over the bridge, an ice cube breaks loose from the load: it slides down over the side of the lorry, bounces off the parapet, and ... disappears into the dark mouth of the tunnel ...

By the time he'd finished, with interruptions for songs and so on, everyone would think this was yet another of Miff's unfortunate jokes that had flopped; but what the hell, it's the interval anyway!

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Some time in the second set, someone else would start a long while-the-others-are-tuning-up, interrupted-by-songs story:

A train is just starting to move off, when a man comes running up th platform, and just manages to get the door of the last compartment open and fling himself in. It's one of those old trains with no corridor, so once he's in, he's stuck there. The only other occupant of the compartment is an old lady with a little dog. The dog is very frisky, and keeps running around. The man takes out a pipe, fills it and lights it; he's smoking one of those horrible smelly smoky tobaccos that's outlawed by the Geneva Convention.

"Young man, this a no-smoking compartment, and I'll thank you to put out that disgusting pipe," says the old girl.

"Certainly madam, if you'll kindly keep your mutt under control."

A long frosty silence follows, in which they glare at each other, the dog becomes ever more excited, and the compartment slowly fogs up.

Without warning, the train enters a tunnel; the lights fail. In the darkness a scuffel breaks out, and when the train emerges into sunlight again, the door is open and the dog and the pipe are nowhere to be seen. They both grab at the communcation cord, and when the train stops they jump down and run back along the track. The dog emerges from the mouth of the tunnel, and what do you think he's got in his mouth? That's right: it's ...












... the ice cube!

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 04:08 AM

Oh, it says best long joke ... sorry!

Steve

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 04:21 AM

Steve, ower kid, we knew how to mek our own entertainment in them days dint we!
RtS

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 06:14 AM

Yo'm not wrung, ode son!

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: ballpienhammer
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:56 AM

The TV newsman was told to go to the state mental health hospital to interview a musician. Walking toward the gate he spied a large group of patients, 40 or 50, standing in chorale formation singing a most beautiful and hypnotic rendition of Ave Maria. As he edged closer, he noticed each inmate was holding a bright red apple and a pencil. As they sang, the patients would hit their apples keeping time to the music. Approaching the man directing the choir after the song, the reporter said," That was the most wonderful singing I have ever heard!"..." What do you call your choir?"   "Oh, thank you," said the orderly, " we are the Moron Tap-an-apple Choir."

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: wilco
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 11:52 AM

Another long joke interspersed in a set.
First or two sung sung.
#1 says, " I'm sorry if I seem to be a little out of tune, but I got hit in the head yesterday, and I can hardly hear.
Start tio sing nxt song, and #1 interrupts with, "She like to killed me!"
Sing another song.
Performer #2 says, "Now, what did you say? Who 'like to have kileed you'? Who hit you?"
#1 "I'm a little embarassed to say. But,..... it was my wife."
#2 calls for the next song, and #1 interrupts with, "I couldn't hear you, what song are we doing?"
#2 starts again, and #1 says, "Course, I probably deserved it, but I don't know nothing about women's pajamas. What key are we in?"
They sing the next song.
#2 says, "What about womens' pajamas? What's that got to do with you getting hit?"
#1 says, "Like, I said. I don't know a thing about those frilly negligees. I sleep in my skivvies. Sometimes, I wear my batman pajamas, but mostly my skvvies. Besides, it was the banjo's fault."
Then. #1 starts into the next song. #2 interrupts and says, "We aren't playing one more song til you tell me what happened.What did the banjo have to do with it."
#1 says, "Nothing. It was really the pajama's fault."
#2 "OK, that does it. tell me. tell all of us right now!"
#1. "Well, I was telling my wife how much i coveted that new fretless banjo in the Elderly catalog. We were getting ready to go to bed, and I had been talking about it for months. She was pretty tired of hearing about it."
She said, "Come on upstairs in a few minutes, I have something really special for you". So, so I plunked around for a while on my old banjo, and then I went upstairs and got into bed. She was in the bathroom."      
    In a few minutes, she comes out of the bathroom in a real fancy night gown, cut real low, with her hair all spread out, with a little scented candle on a dish. She stood next to the bed, and said, " I have a surprize for you", and she undid one of the straps, and pulled out two little glasses. I took the glasses, and she undid the other strap, so that the gown was hung across her shoulders, and she pulled out a bottle of wine. She poured a few glasses of wine. Then she undid the last little bow on the gown, and she said,"Now, big boy, I have a real surprize in here for you, something you realllly want."
   I got real excited, and i said," Hot damn, you got a fretless banjo under there." And, then she hit me.

Sing last song.

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: Leadfingers
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 12:04 PM

I remember the Callenig Big Band doing Mouldiwarp,and Mick made the Robinson Crusoe /Man Friday Drums joke last the whole evening,with the punch line before the (obligatory)encore.

Subject: RE: Best long joke interspersed in a set
From: Art Thieme
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 12:25 PM

"Take my wife, please."----(Henny Youngman)

That's the punchline of the longest joke ever----at least a 50 year marriage. ;-)

(art thieme)