My husband does not like Folk music !

Subject: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 07:41 AM

What can I do, I cannot get him into liking folk music, I took it up only 8 years ago and am really into the folk sessions, festivals etc, but can't get him to come with me, I have fantastic folky friend, but want to share the with him, any suggestions!!

rock chick

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 07:48 AM

I'm too embarrased to tell Mrs S I'm involved with the folk scene, so I tell her I'm going out trainspotting. Funnily enough, she doesn't ask to see my collection of locomotive numbers, but she knows all the characters on EastEnders.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 07:57 AM

Funny you should say that, my husband goes out train spotting (steam trains!) Hmm! Could he be a secret folky? no don't think so.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: IanC
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:00 AM

Funny ... I thought this was going to be a requets for lyrics along the lines of "My husband's got no courage in him".

Ah well, you live and learn.

What does he like?

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Mr Red
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:12 AM

It's tough. I had the experience where an apparent interest would evaporate as we were about to leave (deliberately made late) for a session. And while I was being a musician she would feel I had to sit next to her and talk to her all the time, mostly because she was very picky with who she liked (misanthropy is the right word). Net result was a tension and drifting apart. Mind you she was a subtle control freek.
I would suggest it is better that you are told up front rather than a halfway house that I endured (for 10 years). It is sad for sure, but it meant that at Festivals I could dance every dance, any session and change my mind any time and not worry. There are pluses.
A minor worry with a regularly single person at an event is that it does give out a misleading message but even the side effects of that can be an ego boost if handled calmly.
It is a cliche but - consider the benefits.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:12 AM

Steam trains, red wine (so do I) pub quizzes (I hate these) he does have some plus points, his a very good cook, there must be loads of songs to get from this, though i cant think of one! :<

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Willie-O
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:16 AM

Well, if he likes any kind of music, there is some bastardization of it that hyphenates with folk.

As in, folk-rock, folk-blues, or as they say nowadays folk-roots, folk-punk, country-folk, folkabilly, jazz-folk-fusion, folk-rap (a few instances of this exist) and there are folk operas.

If he's into disco, forget him.

If he likes classical, well, so do lots of folkies.

Tell us what he does like and we can tell you whom you should force him to listen to.

W-O

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: MMario
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:17 AM

given the number of sub-genre in folk I find it hard that anyone could not like SOME form of folk music - but that's my opinion.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: InOBU
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:20 AM

Oil him up... with enough Guiness, anything sounds good. Larry

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: InOBU
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:21 AM

Another thought on this, it is the Pavlovian responce... eventualy as the dogs associated the sound of the bell with food, your hubby will associate the sound of the music with beer. Slante, Larry

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:22 AM

Mr Red my hubby never comes with me so yes I can dance every dance and go to any session and change my mind any time and not worry, but your right a regularly single person at an event does give out a misleading message and yes somtimes the side effects of that can be an ego boost, and yes I am considering the benifits and also the downside! :<

This is so morbid, is it possible to make a happy song from this?

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:28 AM

He loves real ale and sixties music hates Guinness (I love it) once got him to come to a pub with real ale and a good folk session, he drunk his ale and more, arms folded the whole session, when we got home i asked ' did you enjoy tonight' reply the ale was great! Think I'll just give up, any cheap housing up your way anyone!!!

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:46 AM

Left to her own interests, my wife would nevre listen to folk music. But, she loves coming with me, becuase it gives her pleasure to see me happy, and she has a good time. And, there's a difference between liking folk music and folk musicians. My wife would never put on a folk music CD, but she really enjoys folks. Most folkies are not so one dimensional that they don't have other interests that can be shared in common. I feel the same way about things that my wife loves, that I wouldn't do by myself. I just love to see her having a good time, and I have one with her. There are a few things that one of us likes and the other doesn't, where it's easy to do separately... I like science fiction and horror movies, so I watch the videos, while she's watching a program that she likes and I don't. But, if it's going somewhere, we just enjoy being together.
I'm very thankful for that.

In my first marriage, my wife loved folk music but was very judgmental of all folk musicians, because she was extremely possessive. She did everything she could to destroy my friendships with folk musicians, because she found it threatening.

In my life, the issue wasn't whether my wife loved or was indifferent to folk music. It was whether she loved me enough to get enjoymnet from seeing me have a good time.

Not hard to figure out which is best..

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: JudeL
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 08:50 AM

He likes real ale, if he likes football try to find a session that has two bars, one that has the folk music and the other which is showing football. Or go to multivenue festivals and be happy for him to go do his own thing in another pub, meeting up here and there for meals etc

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: annamill
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:03 AM

There is hope! My Hubby is a rock drummer and is very into the old 60's rock. But then so am I. Glenn came to my gatherings reluctantly at first, but now he is totally involved. He especially loves chanteys and prizon songs. I think it appeals to his percussion side.
He also is now putting on Rick Fielding's CD's regularly. He loves our recently aquired Big Mick CD. Boarding Company has become a constant in our lives. He calls all my folk friends old hippys (with love), including me.

He enjoys the folk, but he is still rnr in his heart. There is hope.

Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Sir Roger de Beverley
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:09 AM

My wife thinks that folkies are weird (not sure whether that includes me or not) and I go to all sessions and clubs on my own. She does like the Saw Doctors, though.

I'm into real ale and since the pub in which I do most of my playing(The Sun Inn, Beverley)has the best beer range in the area I'm happy with that - especially as the landlord gives us free beer for playing.

Never been chatted up in a session, though. Could I be too old do you think.

R

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:10 AM

Nag him constantly, or force feed it to him, so then he'll divorce you, and you can find a new husband that likes folk music.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:17 AM

Your really lucky Jerry, in fact my husband doesn't mind me going out, he loves me to have a hobby i really enjoy, it just he doesn't want to come.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: smallpiper
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:26 AM

I endured that for 12 years and it really stopped me from progressing as a musician - she managed to make me feel guilty any time I wanted to go to a session and festivals - one day a year at Whitby and one day at Beverley. Glad that's behind me now. But on the down side I miss the company (when not at sessions) and nights are lonely times.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:28 AM

R where is the Sun Inn, Beverely, maybe if we are around that way one day I'll tell hime of this great pub that does real ale,(Folk night session) then we can both be happy, if it's that good maybe we should move there?

We are looking to move, both want the sea, as we sail (one hobby we do share an interest in)PLUS a good music scene, so maybe there is hope.

Or maybe I should just go my own way, but after 27years thats hard, I get fed up with being chatted up in the pubs, it's just that i am so friendly with everyone (no comments please) most folkies are, I'm 50 going on 30 or so my kids tell me, and they are really proud of that, so no you never to old.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Sir Roger de Beverley
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:40 AM

Beverley is in East Yorkshire about 12 miles from the sea and 8 miles from Hull and the River Humber. In fact Beverley used to be a centre for trawler building - they were launched sideways into the River Hull and thence to the sea.

The Sun Inn is right next to Beverley Minster - a very big church which can be seen for miles around - and we are there on Tuesday evenings and Sunday afternoons(see multiplicity of threads about session sin Hull and Beverley).

Roger

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Mr Red just logged off
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:43 AM

rock chick
I was about to say there must be more underlying this than not likeing folk music and your next post said it all. Some people are just happy being anti.
My solution was exit. The gauling thing was my fidelity over 10 years was almost a wasted effort - it was assumed I was availing myself of the opportunities - despite a lack evidence.
If making music is making you fullfilled does hubby have to be involved? Is it your sadness at not having him involved, his or both of you? Is the word "trust" looming here?
When "make yer mind up time" comes - there's always Mudcat.
We loves yer Baby.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:47 AM

Don't come to this pissant swamp expecting good sailing. Eight knot tide rip, and overfalls that claim lives. I have to go back to beloved Essex to do my sailing. Rog is right about the beer, though!

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: kendall
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:55 AM

I had an ex who only went to the sessions to avoid having me go and enjoy myself. I'm now single, and, very high on my list of requirements is folk music. I'm not willing to compromise that, because I would end up resenting it, and that would be a drag for both of us.
There are worse things than being alone.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 09:57 AM

Great, I know Huddersfield in Yorkshire, my son goes to univ there so if i'm up that way i will be in touch

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 10:16 AM

There isn't any crime in spouses each having a hobby the other doesn't care for. Do you wear a wedding ring? If so, being there alone on a regular basis shouldn't mean a damn thing to anyone, as it isn't any of their business.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 10:32 AM

"Jack Spratt could eat no fat... His wife could eat no lean..."

My wife, classically trained soprano and church soloist, ain't into blues. Says it all sounds the same to her, but if I'm playin' blues, she's there and lovin' it.

Go figure?

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 10:40 AM

My husband actively dislikes folk music. I once got him to go to a Jez Lowe concert as he sings about the area my husband grew up in. I was mortified when he got out his paper and read it all the way through the concert. I had thought that when he saw how much I liked it that he would understand why I wanted to go to folk events. You live and learn..............

Pat

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 10:44 AM

Yes I wear a ring, just flash it when chatted up (thats the ring I mean) people are funny creature though, and a ring means nothing to some men! I go out maybe 4 or 5 nights out of seven, that's a lot without your other half, he might not mind, stays in either watching TV or i drop him at his pub but i would like him to come with me a couple of times, i have tried going to his pub quizzes( totally boaring to me)but he loves them so i went and sort of enjoyed them simply by seeing him enjoy himself, but he can't do the same for me!!!!!

Think it answers itself.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Coyote Breath
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 11:26 AM

In a previous marriage I was totally devoted to bicycling. I mean GONZO long distance stuff and road racing and time trials. My ex didn't ride, rarely came to an event (when she did, though, she was wonderfully helpful) and feeling guilty about doing something so intense and requiring so much time away from our marriage (which you might be feeling?) I sat us down and we talked about it. She said she sometimes missed me when I was on long training rides but that she knew it was good for me and that I loved it and that made it OK for her. We broke up over other issues and I still count her as a friend.

She loved the music, by the way, and had a nice "old timey" voice when I could get her to sing.

My current SO seems to like music, loved O Brother!, loves Autumn's Child and the McGarrigle (sp) sisters and old fashioned, old timey everything BUT. When I play she shows discomfort. I mean she'll fidget, or she'll interrupt me or get up and walk into the kitchen etc. This is when we are alone. When I am playing with others she pulls back, almost as if she were trying to hide. At first I thought that she didn't like my music, later I realized that she is an intensely "private" person, very shy with strangers. She needs to be paid attention to as well but only in "private" surroundings. So her behavior when we are alone is because she wants the attention she loses to my music and when out because attention is being drawn to me (and there fore to her)and she finds THAT kind of attention uncomfortable. I think that she likes the fact that I can do what I do but she ain't comfortable with it.

My point is, seek an "answer" to your husbands reactions. It might be something easily amended. This Christmas, I am going to give my SO a gift of music. I am going to make a CD which will combine what I love and what she loves. I am willing to bet that she will begin to be more comfortable with my playing "for her" and more relaxed when I am playing "out there".

CB

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 11:34 AM

Shoot him Rock Chick.

Actually Heather isn't much of a folkie either. She waxes rhapsodic over Dusty Springfield, Freddie Mercury, gershwyn, Black Sabbath (??) and Jimmy Page.

The first time I got her to listen to Patsy Cline, I felt triumphant!

Cheers

Rick

Subject: Lyr Add: My mother doesn't know I'm on the stage
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 11:42 AM

Not a new problem. As this touching piece (taken from this site, which is great) indicates.

MY MOTHER DOESN'T KNOW I'M ON THE STAGE
by
Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)

I'm cherishing a secret in my bosom
About the dreadful stage-life that I lead
I've heard it said that Pro's are decent people
But according to the papers that I read
Both actresses and actors are dead 'wrong-uns'
Whether from the 'Palace' or the 'Hippodrome'
The chaps I meet outside know I'm an actor
But I never breathe a word of it at home.

So, my mother doesn't know that I'm an actor
It would break her poor old heart if she found out
She knows I'm a deserter,
From the Scottish Fuseliers
She knows I stole a blind-man's can...
That got me seven years!
She knows I've been connected
With a gang of West-End Pests
And the police have had me twice inside the cage
And she knows I mix with ladies that have got a shady past
But my mother doesn't know I'm on the stage.

Sometimes she sees the powder on my clothing
And then it's such a nuisence to explain
If she thought that it was powder she'd go crazy
Of course, I have to tell her it's cocaine.
The day she met me out with Gladys Cooper
She started screaming, "Murder!" and "Police!"
And would have caused a dreadful scene in public
So I told her that the girl was 'Crippen's' niece.

'Cos', my mother doesn't know I'm on the stage
And when I draw six hundred pounds a week
If she knew where it came from
She would shoot me like a dog
So I told her I'd stole the moneybox
From an Irish Synagogue
She can think that I'm a murderer
Before she'll know the truth
I have to have respect for her old age
And she knows that I'm a bigamist, a blaggard and a crook
But thank Heaven she don't know I'm on the stage.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 11:43 AM

Hubby isn't shy at all, far from it. We have talked about the music scene and he is happy for me to do what makes me happy, but as he puts it,' i just don't enjoy it at all' he cannot sing at all, in fact he will be the first to tell you he was thrown out of a choir, he laugh at it still. I beleive anyone can sing, some may just need training.

I have been trying to seek an answer to the problem now for around 7 years, but i come to the conclusion there is no answer other to carry on in the same way, or to make a BIG decision who know? life can be a s..t

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 11:50 AM

Rick, I tried shooting him, but he doesn't keep the cartridges at home, safety reason, so he tells me! I could try to poison him, but I'm a great cook, so I think it may look supersitious, have to think of somthing else!

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: AggieD
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 12:23 PM

I have the same problem, having been into folk music for a very long time. When we were much younger he did come along to clubs & concerts - that was probably young love, but he just does not enjoy them as much as I do. He has his own hobby which also leaves me alone a few nights a week, but then I'm happy in my own company.
I am lucky that he enjoys the social side & will often come along to festivals just for the fun of being with others, but then my partner is a highly gregarious person & will chat to others at the drop of a hat. Is it just a bit of shyness that makes him uncomfortable with strangers or does he just hate folky stuff? Not unusual there, as most of the world look at us as tho' we're decidedly strange

I am lucky as I have lots of female as well as male folkie friends, and usually find that if I want to go to a session or dance alone, I will have someone to keep company with.
Perhaps if there are any number of singles, or even couples that you see regularly, you could try cultivating friendships and going with a group, which may discourage the prowlers, as if you are in group partners are often swapped around for dancing, there are other females to take as partners, & no-one will no who belongs to who.


Good luck
Aggie

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 01:19 PM

"We have talked about the music scene and he is happy for me to do what makes me happy"

So then what's the problem?

You go to the sessions or whatever, and leave him at home... he'll be there when you get back...

I don't get why it's even an issue at all????

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: 53
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 01:31 PM

folk music has to grow on you>

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,aesop
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 01:33 PM

My husband doesn't dislike folk music, but he can't sing or play and instrument and his interest is very limited. But he knows how much I love the music and he doesn't guilt trip me about doing it without him. He has activities he loves that I don't participate in, but there are other things we can enjoy together. We don't have to be exactly alike. My first husband, though, resented anything I did without him, and that was the only time in my life I didn't sing. I swore I'd never let that happen again.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Janie
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 01:43 PM

Couldn't say it any better than Clinton!

So I won't.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 02:42 PM

Well im off out again,setting up a session in a new pub, hubby is sitting watching TV with a bottle of good red wine and cheese, lets hope we will meet somwhere along the line! can,t / wont wait much longer!

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 03:32 PM

Well, Mrs V hates the "non-sung" types of folk music, and when me n Skipjack, and or Bill and anyone else are sitting at home playing, she'll go out in the garden and dig the weeds!!! EVEN if it's dark!!

She never minds me going to a session,or folk festival, as long as it's not at our home (don't get me wrong-we have other things that we do together at home and out and about) Imagine if we were both into folk, who'd look after the brats? We'd argue about which session, or gig to go to.

Luckily we both luv HM music as well and most other things are pretty common between us. Skip 'l tell you that, she'll do him good grub when he's over here and then go off to her friends or somewhere (shopping usually). She'll even listen a while until the diddly diddly music starts.

So you can come up to Huddersfield,come with me to a session-no strings attached, no chatting up,jsy chatting, good music and then get a lift back. I only live a few miles from Hudds and we used to live in Huddersfield so know it well.

She won't get converted, not after 17+ years into listening to Carthy, Waterston, or any of that genre. Will listen to Cappercaillie, Altan and mixed folk, even Fairport for quite a while. But last nights fun-really good heavy irish stuff-she calls it a 5 second CD. (My folk CD's are classified by time she'll listen to them before it does her head in) I suppose if I wanted to, a divorce could be arranged by putting on Jimmy Shand 24 hours a day for a few days!!

Don't worry about it. A wise person once said, permit your friends to be themselves and they'l stay your friends.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 03:39 PM

Forgot to say, that Skipjack's Mrs think me and him go off train spotting when he's over here. What she doesn't seem to understand is that, a guitar case, violin case, accordian case and the essential tools for recording train numbers, and that to take them abroad to get foreign train numbers has to be a regular thing.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Chicken Charlie
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 03:42 PM

Another thing against living in California--I always get in on threads after most things worth saying have been said. Oh, well.

I see (pompous b------ that I am) both sides of the Clinton v. Rock thing on is there a problem or not. I started open-miking in a really nice pub a few months ago. There are a lot of good things there, not the least of which is that several regulars are better than me (hard to believe, isn't it?) and I can learn from them. We recite the whole litany about keeping tradition alive, perfecting our craft, sharing, baring our souls, enunciating better, and all that, and it's absolutely true, and that's where Clinton is coming from, and if that works, great. But I also would give anything to have my lady there, because that would be just about us, and that's where R.C. is. IMO, this isn't about liking folk music at all, but a deeper issue. All I can say is that people tend to remain in less than optimal situations far too long, as many posts have indicated. "The good is the enemy of the best."

CC

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Maryrrf
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 03:57 PM

Well, the ideal would be to have a mate that shares your interest, the worst case would be somebody who doesn't share your interest and resents it and won't let you go out and enjoy yourself without pitching a fit or making you feel guilty. Having a mate that doesn't share your interest but has no problem with you going out and enjoying yourself doesn't sound too bad, though, if you're happy in other ways. That's what I got stuck with twice (didn't share my interest and pitched a fit when I went out, or even played the guitar for that matter), and the annoying thing was that they PRETENDED to like folk music while we were dating, then did an about face after we were married! Personally I'd just live with the situation like it is - if you drag him places he doesn't want to go he'd probably end up resenting it and sulking and then ruining your fun. Besides, it's healthy to a point for couples to have separate interests. But my experiences have kind of burned me out to the point where I'm not that interested in a LTR anymore - too bad!

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 04:08 PM

The thing that amuses me about your problem, rock chick, is that the world is full of men who are ecstatic about the fact that their wives do not like fishing! :>) You just gotta look at this from the other angle, that's all.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Peter from Essex
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 04:22 PM

and a ring means nothing to some men!
To me it means that I'll get some decent dances without being followed home.

I do know a widow who kept her wedding ring and wondered why all her dancing partners left her at the side of the floor.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Folk Music
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 04:28 PM

Frankly, my dear, I don't like your husband.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 04:29 PM

THis is an interesting one for me, Like Rick I would say Erica is not very interested in what I would call my music but happyly she is glad for me that I have a love of this kind that fills my life.. She is studing Viola de Gamba and is playing early music in our house all the time.. It is a kind of music of the people but just very old people.. I love the stuff..

I did used to try and play her music I had just worked up in the studio for my cd's but came to see she realy isnt into any of it.. We have so much else in our life.. THe kids and their struggles and humor and our big pictures are very related so I think missing on one cylander is OK..
.It sounds like you have to talk to him though.. WHen one starts saying things like "I wont be around long " its time to TALK TALK TALK. Its so much work to let the clossets one to us know where we are.. We expect that they already know and that has been the cause of my closets calls... Great Luck to you in this hardest of work .. All the best , GUY   !!!!!

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Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 06:36 PM

Thread creep here, sorry, but just wanted to congratulate Kevin on posting that great Billy Bennett song. I am a huge Billy Bennett fan, unfortunately the site doesn't have my favorite song "The Only Girl I ever Loved".

Murray

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Barry Finn
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 10:46 PM

I can't see much of a problem here unless it's you not having your husband there. My wife used to play penny whistle when we first met (haven't seen her pick it up more than a dozen times since). I'd see her hanging around some sessions with some of her sisters (that ended not long after we were married, so?). Now she's just starting to go once in a blue moon. It's not at all high on her list but she'll enjoy herself anyway. Recently Curmudeon got her to sing a couple times (I was knocked out) she's never sung in public before & in private only with her sisters. She does like a few singer/songwritters though (Iris Dement, Nancy Griffith & Kate Wolf). So I'll head out to a session when I can mostly without her & she's just fine with it like that, no push from either of us one away or another but I do limit myself so that house keeping, child raising & our relationship doesn't slip behind. I go to the getaway, Mystic (that's way beyond her limit), once & a while we'll camp at Old Songs (16 yrs ago we spent our honeymoon camping at a NY bluegrass festival), the kids & she both like to camp so she's cool with that. But mostly she just doesn't like it that much anymore (not that it was high on her list to start with) so what? I'll go to some of her things & make sure I have an ok time & not spoil her likes, if it's beyond my limit she'll ask if I mind her going out for the evening like I ask her. I don't think we've ever minded unless it interferes with family affairs. We've been doing this probably 15 yrs & it's worked better than I could've belived. I don't have any answers for you but if you both can make a decent go at it you may be pleasently surprised, then again you might not. anyway best of luck to you. Barry

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: momnopp
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 10:56 PM

Thread UN-creep:

I think there are lots of issues here. One is just how important a part of your life and your heart are focused on folk music and how many other dimensions of your relationship DO work to your (mutual) satisfaction. It could be the tip of the iceberg, but who knows what the iceberg looks like? It could be indicative of greater dissastifaction within the relationship, or it could be just the "sign" to get the two of you talking and moving to an even greater appreciation and understanding of one another. Only you can say just how important your different tastes in music are to your relationship.

That being said, since I've been married and divorced twice and dated a number of men, I have come to a conclusion for myself. Music is such an important part of what gives my life joy, that I want to be able to share that with my (future) mate. This, for me, is of primary importance.

As others have said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having different interests/passions. It's only a "problem" if you decide it is. Perhaps it's just an opportunity to examine what's important to you.

"Life is what happens while you're making other plans." -- attributed to John Lennon

Peace,

JudyO

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GutBucketeer
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 11:18 PM

I've known (and envied) couples that seem to just be extensions of each other with both into folk music and supporting each other, playing with each other, etc. I've also known couples where one of them isn't interested per se, but is fully supportive, showing up at the club gatherings, helping, and just being friendly. I understand that they also support their spouse's interest in the same way. Not as great, but still pretty good.

Then, there are situations like mine, where "folk music" has become "my" thing. She liked it once, but now uses it as a point of division. If I propose a family outing that just might have a folk performance, or linger too long listening to a group at a festival I'm being selfish. She says she doesn't mind when I go to a sing, or when I'm off to the Getaway, however, it always comes back at me somehow in subtle and not so subtle ways. It's like she tries to make it a choice between music and family. Maybe it's because my interest in being active in music lay dormant for a long while and wasn't rekindled until my kids were born and I started singing to them at night.

Does your husband try to make your interest in music an issue? If not be glad and look for some shared interests.

Wishing it were different too.

JAB

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Skarpi at work
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 02:47 AM

He doesen´t know what he´s missing.
All the best skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 04:40 AM

I have just spent ages replying and a glitch occurred and I've lost the lost - damn will have to come back to it later, really p..... off now

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: greg stephens
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 05:16 AM

Well I've got the opposite problem, I play in the same band as my significant other and I can never get away from her.Except she's now gone to work away for a week on another project, and I miss her. So I've been putting on her records so as I can hear her singing.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 08:10 AM

Eric the Viking :> Great, will take you up on the offer next time I'm up in Huddersfield, will be great to meet other Mudcatters.
Maryrrf:< I agree that it is healthy to a point for couples to have separate interests, but as you say to a point, don't have any problem with that.
Little Hawk :> I love fly-fishing and when asked to go with Mr rc and just chill out, but get your angle.
GUEST,Peter from Essex :< Yes but it's nice to go home with someone occasionally, isn't it?
GUEST,Folk Music ~:-l We are all entitled to dislike someone my dear, and I take your point!
Guy Wolff :-() Done all the talking I can over the past 8 years, think I'm all talk out, he is an ostrich, buries his head in the sand, one day when he comes up there may be nothing there anymore!
Barry Finn ~:<> Thanks, think I need all the luck I can get, what ever happens one way or tuther.
momnopp :-> I agree with what you say as music is for me such an important part of my life and one that gives me unbelievable happiness, I can get so wrapped in it that I'm on another plane, to me is of primary importance also.
GutBucketeer :-? No he rarely make an issue of it, occasionally he will remark that I'm out a lot, but not often, I did stop playing for a year or so when I was given a hard time, but then I was so miserable that the kids (who said I should stop anyway, they were a lot younger then, now all grown up) and Mr rc said take it up again, so when I did, I was very angry with myself that I had stopped in the first place. Now I go and play when I want to, however I still feel guilty going out and leaving him behind, but that's his choice. Hope life improves for you.
GUEST,Skarpi at work :-> You're SO right
greg stephens :-> How sweet.
What great people you all are, so much advice, in my heart I know what I have to do! :-< but in the meantime the MUSIC GOES ON

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Melani
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 01:29 PM

You have my sympathy, rock chick. My husband claims to like folk music, but will never go to concerts or sessions. I stopped singing for 25 years because he kept telling me to shut up. Now I go out without him, and sing when he's not home.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: kendall
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 01:42 PM

Seems like many of us just gravitate to the wrong mates. Back when I was married, I used to say, "When my wife and I go out, one of us has a good time."

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 03:31 PM

Well I was going to stay at home tonight, then thought no I have some good folkie friends that expect me to meet with them In one of our pubs then play and sing to early hours, thought that sounded better than sitting at home, done that for 20years bring up the kids, NOW It's time for me, mind you I can practice when Mr rc Is home, bad really I know but when he walks up that path away goes the guitar etc, must stop doing that, In fact think I should play louder!

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 03:35 PM

Kendall:o> Know exactly what you mean, mind you I have tried to enjoy going out with him and on occasion I do enjoy myself, there are some hobbies we both like, but my biggest is music, unfortunately this is NOT his :o<

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: skarpi
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 06:34 PM

Halló rock chick, have you tryed to take him to a concert
with some great performers like The Dubliners?
I know they won´t be here with us forever and I think he will
like them in a Alive consert rather than listen to some cd.
I have not seen the hole thread but , what kind of music does he
like'?,country, classic , pop or rock maybe rapp??
All the best Skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:06 PM

Ok-Wednesday nights, are good times for sessions. See you up here sometime.

All the best.

No matter what, keep up the music. i stopped for over 20 years, only took it up again a few years ago. Wished I hadn't let it die, but I have more fun now than I ever did.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:29 PM

Hi skarpik, yes we went to see the Dubliners couple of years ago, and he did quite enjoy them, even went back stage and spent a few hours chatting to them, they were great, mind you when they finished playing I, like most of the other people whistled shouted etc for more, Mr rc looked very embarrassed at my behaviour, me well I was just me, having a great time.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:33 PM

Eric the Viking :o> Wednesdays may be a difficult day as I normally would come up on a Friday, Sat, mind you now I know I could rearrange thing to fit in with a Wednesday, after all must get the priorities right wouldn't you agree!

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not l
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:45 PM

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Nov 02 - 01:35 PM

rock chick - it seems you have a pattern that works. It seems it's only the accepting of it that is missing. Once that is sorted you will have more time for the nitty gritty. You can't wan't things on behalf of other people.

My ex used to show all the signs of emabarrassment on my behalf if I merely sang along with the chorus. Result, not much folk. I always say "I never sang till the wife left home" - daren't stop just in case the magic wears off. No! I am not being harsh on her, she put me in the position of not doing something which I have found since satisfies a part of me she never could, by her own choice. What a waste.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 11:07 AM

I must admit that I've never seen your husband out with you, Rock Chick, but then you always seem quite happy getting inebriated with Dipsodeb - perhaps he thinks that he won't be able to keep up with your guiness drinking - even on real ale !

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: alanww
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 08:07 AM

Sorry to have picked up on this thread a bit late, rock chick, but I can certainly sympathise with you, as my wife has no interest in my passion for folk generally, and shanty singing and concertina playing in particular. She therefore does not attend any events with me.

I developed my folk interest only quite recently some seven years after remarrying. I am now going for it hammer and tongs - out nearly every night of the week and festivals or other events most weekends. This is reinforced by the fact that I am 50+ and I see some of my contemporaries winding down their activities. My middle age crisis has turned me the other way, however. I am working hard at improving as a performer and intending to enjoy all the time I have left with as much activity as possible.

The difficulty comes if you feel that the bits which bind you and your husband together are insufficiently important to you. No doubt having children together is a big bonding factor but this does not apply to me and anyway eventually they leave home to make their own lives ...

To her credit, my wife has always acknowledged that my interest is a passion for me and therefore she has always supported me in my folk activities. But, given we share so few joint interests, it has been very difficult for her to be at home alone or doing something else all the time, with us essentially living separate lives.

She therefore took a very bold decision to move out and she now lives 175 miles away. But we are still friends, we speak often and I go to see her and she comes back to see various members of her family who all live near me. Time will tell where we go from here - but perhaps I already know in my heart of hearts!

It is a cliche to say that life is full of choices but it is true. And some of them are very hard to make and are potentially life changing. And, of cousre, not making a decision to make a big change is, in effect, a decision to stay with the status quo. The other cliche, of course, is that you only live once ...

Have you seen this thread: NotMusic: I'd pick more daisies.... It certainly made me think.

"... and my soul it soars enchanted ..."
Alan

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 08:25 AM

Rock Chic ...............Friday nights see the General Ludd folk club at The Wheel Golcar, just to the west of Huddersfield, about 2 miles from the centre. The club has a guest about once a month and singers sessions for the rest.
The club in run by Dave & Ann Ellis and the place is friendly with decent beer, separated from the rest of the pub. Drop a line if you're thinking of going and the Wombat (my good lady) and I will try and get up there

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 02:55 PM

Sorry haven't been around, home laptop, major problems with Broadband Line, still here I am again!!

Raggytash; I will be in touch without a doubt when I'm up that way, I think I will have to visit for a week, what with the invites I've had, can't wait to meet you all, sooner than later.
.

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Noreen
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:19 PM

Just wondering what's the current situation, rock chick?
Not easy, I know- been there, bought shares in Kleenex.

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Frank Hamilton
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:41 PM

Rock Chick,

You bring up a point that we all must consider. There are a whole lot of people who don't care for folk music. It's been stigmatized by the media, for one thing.

BTW, I like both folk music and disco (particularly KC and the Sunshinge Band).

Here's the deal as I see it. People have got to "own" it by playing or singing it themselves. It may not be a very interesting spectator sport for some.

If your husband was thrown out of choir, that in itself is significant. Conventional music educators haven't done a very good job in empowering people to make music.

The only way I think you're going to get him interested is if he can find a way to participate and not feel threatened by it.
Is there some form of music in which he could participate that he would like?

Frank

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 08:09 PM

My husband doesn't dislike it, but will only come to the odd concert now and then, when his frantic toe-tapping disturbs everyone around! He won't come to festivals or sessions, but doesn't seem to mind me going, even if I'm away all weekend - which can be open to misinterpretation by friends (also not great folk enthusiasts) and other festival-goers. His "drug" is rugby, and he will not willingly miss any accessible matches! Our children are no longer of dependent age (except when it comes to money!)
My husband is a good singer, but doesn't choose to do it in public, and doesn't play an instrument.
I have found friends through folk music as people are generally welcoming, so now I rarely feel "on my own" at festivals. It is my personal "stress-buster" outside of a very demanding job. So I say, "go for it" and enjoy it!
Tattie B

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:40 AM

It doesn't seem to stop Rock Chick getting around - see the PEL "Red Lion" photos. I'm sure she'll probably be at "The Duke of Edinbrough" tonight.

She can always keep that Folkmob hearthrob Dave Kenningham company !