BS: Osama who?

Subject: Osama who?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 03:29 PM

Subject: FW: Bin Laden

From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: All Al Queda Fighters

Subject: The Cave
Do Not Distribute Outside The Organisation.
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really
come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a
jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few
concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid
excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to
sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota .have you? I've
posted a sign-up
sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare the s**t out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that
while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or
keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on
the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices
were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
"Ossy, Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
Fifth: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F***S DONKEYS" on the group toilet
wall, it's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself
at the edge of the mountain.
Sixth: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that
the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of
the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a
grey area.)

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.
First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
Love you lots,
Group Hug.

Os.

PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.
Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.

Giok

Subject: RE: Osama who?
From: allanwill
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 03:39 PM

Nice one Giok.

Let's put Slimy Bin Liner into the garbage where he belongs.

Allan

Subject: RE: Osama who?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 04:06 PM

I can really relate to the frustration Osama must be feeling regarding slipshod housekeeping by his cave-mates. It must also be very frustrating facing the realization that most of the world's population is more frightened of George Bush than they are of him! Discouraging is what I'd call that.

For group toilets that hold up under even the most severe conditions, I'd like to recommend McGill Porta-Pottys, manufactured in Orillia, Ontario, Canada. They come in two lovely colors, are recycleable and virtually unbreakable.

We also have about 50 or so of those Osama Bin-Lookalike robots that don't work anymore for sale. Cheap! Contact the maintenance crew at the WSSBA.

- LH

Subject: RE: Osama who?
From: greg stephens
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 04:34 PM

Thanks, Glok, a classic. Particularly the Dairylea, I just took advantage of my healthy-eating other half being away, and bought myself some Dairylea and had a sandwich for lunch. Until reading your post I was completely unaware I shared this taste with the legendary Osama.

Subject: RE: Osama who?
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:26 PM

Speaking of sharing, Gregster, I believe that Bush has used Osoma's story about one particular Texas goat, but I've heard that that "particular goat" wasn't backing up, but, hey, Texas frat boys will be... ahhhh... Texas frat boys...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Osama who?
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Nov 02 - 07:55 AM

Napalm makes a good antiseptic cleaner Ossy mate. I know several people who would gladly deliver free to any cave you infest.

Subject: RE: BS: Osama who?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Nov 02 - 02:32 PM

So THAT's where Dave went! Well, I hope he knows what he's doing...

- LH