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never mind the buzzcocks

Liz the Squeak 15 Nov 02 - 07:08 PM
Herga Kitty 15 Nov 02 - 03:24 PM
Les from Hull 15 Nov 02 - 02:13 PM
Scabby Douglas 15 Nov 02 - 03:57 AM
Steve Parkes 15 Nov 02 - 03:22 AM
Liz the Squeak 14 Nov 02 - 07:03 PM
Mick Lowe 14 Nov 02 - 05:56 PM
Firecat 14 Nov 02 - 03:02 PM
Schantieman 14 Nov 02 - 02:32 PM
lady penelope 14 Nov 02 - 02:31 PM
Mudlark 14 Nov 02 - 02:20 PM
catspaw49 14 Nov 02 - 12:52 PM
Liz the Squeak 13 Nov 02 - 07:11 PM
Tinker 13 Nov 02 - 05:09 PM
katlaughing 13 Nov 02 - 04:51 PM
catspaw49 13 Nov 02 - 03:57 PM
Fortunato 13 Nov 02 - 03:45 PM
katlaughing 13 Nov 02 - 03:11 PM
Cllr 13 Nov 02 - 02:20 PM
Fortunato 13 Nov 02 - 01:51 PM
Mrs.Duck 13 Nov 02 - 01:29 PM
Lemming 13 Nov 02 - 09:20 AM
Bassic 13 Nov 02 - 08:56 AM
GUEST,steve 13 Nov 02 - 08:53 AM
Steve Parkes 13 Nov 02 - 05:21 AM
Schantieman 13 Nov 02 - 05:03 AM
GUEST,noddy 13 Nov 02 - 04:15 AM
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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 07:08 PM

I wondered what the suspicious stains down the front of it were.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 03:24 PM

LTS

Before your time, but Puddleduck once had a gig at Imperial College, at which Albion Morris were dancing. A young lady called Debbie offered the lion a drink from a bottle of beer, and then helpfully poured some into the lion's mouth - muffled imprecations followed.

Kitty


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Les from Hull
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 02:13 PM

Bill Bailey just goes up and up in my estimation. Brilliant stand-up, wonderful in 'Black Books', and now he turns out to be a Joseph Taylor fan. What a man!


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 03:57 AM

Thread creep :

Bill Bailey (from Never Mind the Buzzcocks) does a great routine in standup about how to make any piece of music into a Cockney song. Some of the techniques include: shout "Oi!" at the end; or between phrases sing " Ave a banaaaarna!"

He demonstrates this can work with Mozart, and Beethoven.


very clever and funny man


Cheers

Steven


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 03:22 AM

Liz, it sounds like we all had a lucky escape in Stony Stratford!


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Nov 02 - 07:03 PM

Mick, it is obvious that you have never seen 'Prince Albert Morris' perform then... Watch out for them... you will have your fill of dildoes, clamps, rings, leather, whips, studs and chains.... probably more than you could possibly imagine. They have leather wavers and hit each other on the 'lower back' with them..... what they do with the dildoes is reallly TOO much. At least it will help control the population explosion.

Lady P... should you want any suggestions for a Christmas present for us... well, let's just say we have facilities to play 3 DVDs at once.....

Thread Creep and obscure fact.... I've held the fiddle of the great Ian Cutler, fiddler for and dancer with the Albion Morris, who was the longhaired child fiddler in 'The Wicker Man'.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Mick Lowe
Date: 14 Nov 02 - 05:56 PM

Mmm perhaps I'm missing something here but I've yet to see Morris Dancers parading round with a dildo.. it might be time to "update" the tradition . do away with the balloon on a stick or the bean poles, though I doubt if a dildo is going to help much with the fertilisation of mother earth.


Being an avid fan of "Buzzcocks" I'm also amazed they didn't take the piss that much and as far as Bill getting the answer right.. well it's all staged anyway.



Mick


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Firecat
Date: 14 Nov 02 - 03:02 PM

I saw that!!!! I reckon it's improved since Sean Hughes left, but it's still my favourite programme!!


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Schantieman
Date: 14 Nov 02 - 02:32 PM

LOL!


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: lady penelope
Date: 14 Nov 02 - 02:31 PM

" Lion's 'ed onna stick, git your Lion's head onna stick 'ere........" Hehehehehe.......


Bill Bailey is one of these people who just knows shed loads about all different types of music. He also makes a living by turning his knowledge into stand up comedy!!!!! He's guarenteed to get me to the point where I'll need a spare pair of knickers. He has a DVD out at the mo' called "Bewilderness", worth a look.


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Mudlark
Date: 14 Nov 02 - 02:20 PM

Ah, Mudcat....what a way to start the day!


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Nov 02 - 12:52 PM

LOL....What a bunch!!!!

My friends Katy and Alan were moving and Katy forgot what was in a bedside drawer. Her mother opened the drawer and began removing the contents into a box.......one of these was a large, battery operated, and flexible dildo. As her mother took it out she turned to Katy and asked, quite innocently, "Is this some kind of flashlight?" Alan and I were in the process of removing a dresser from the room and it was all we could do to get it out the door so we could collapse in laughter. Katy, on the other hand, shook her head and said, "Mom, you've got to be kidding." But she wasn't...........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 07:11 PM

Yes, I have indeed carried that very same Lions 'ed on a stick through Tranno (Toronto) Customs, wrapped in a very large cardboard box with the pole sticking out.

Customs officer: "What's in the bax maaam?"

Me: "Lions' 'ed on a stick"

CO; "Beg yer pardon maaam?"

Me: "It's a lions' 'ed on a stick"

CO; "Now listen maaam, don't traa to be funny, what's in the bax?"

Me; "I'm not being funny, it's a lions' 'ed, on a stick".

CO; (ringing bell for assistance and backing off nervously) "Open the bax maaam, Reeeeeeeeaal slow!"

We spent 10 mins unwrapping and unpacking the box......

CO; "OK maaam, it is a lions' heyad onna stick.... just one questchin maam.... why?"

There then followed a long and involved answer about morris dancing and beasts. I still don't think they got it....

The team were Albion Morris, and even more scary, at least 2 of those dancers are still dancing with the team now!

LTS


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Subject: ADD: Nobody Beats My Bob (Camille West)
From: Tinker
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 05:09 PM

Knew you guys would find an appropriate place for this song eventually....


NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
Camille West


My girl friends all claimed to have 'em
Six or seven times a night.
I never felt a spasm;
Maybe I wasn't doing it right.

Kama Sutra was fruitless with Brian and Bill
It gave me no thrill, no throb.
I tried yoga and vodka, Gina and Jill;
I remained unfulfilled
'til I found BOB.

He's my Battery Operated Boyfriend
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
He's my randy rubber Romeo, my favorite toy friend
Oy friend, he does the job.

He's a lovin' machine, my right hand man,
An Alkaline Adonis, climax in a can
Talk about safe sex
My lover is latex!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB

He's gentle and affectionate and easy to conceal
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
How many other lovers earn
The Good Housekeeping Seal?
Keep your beer guzzling slob.

Does BOB cure insomnia?
Does BOB relieve stress?
I'd have to say y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes!
You should hear him hum on maximum!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB

I sing the body electric
As my limbs begin to flail
I shake like an epileptic
Breaking the Richter scale!

He's a regular rocket that fits in my pocket
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
When I get an itch it's a flick of the switch,
A simple turn of the knob

Who'd have thought a small appliance could be noble in it's use?
It increases self reliance,
Self-esteem through self-abuse

If you need a quick fix,
BOB's at your cervix.
He's the one for the job
OH MY GOD!

No one competes
No one defeats
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB!


Recorded by Four Bitchin' Babes on Some Assembly Required


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 04:51 PM

You could have you own electrical toys, Spaw...plenty to choose from; even for a little "rosebud..."! (Content intended for a MATURE audience!)

Oh, Chance! Do you mean it, really?!**BG**


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 03:57 PM

Aw geez you guys....Women get all them electrical type things going and what's a man supposed to do? How the hell can you compete with 5000 megawatts of buzz-love?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Fortunato
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 03:45 PM

katlaughing we have to get togther sometime and discuss marital aids. I can see you been a naughty girl. (hee, hee)


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 03:11 PM

Thanks for asking, Chance! I was wondering if it was some kind of industrial strength dildo or something!*bg*

Now, I know it's the sex pistols I could've asked my son!


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Cllr
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 02:20 PM

buzzcocks were a punk band and the phrase "never mind the bollocks" was the title of a sex pistols album. "Never mind the buzzcocks" is a comedy/music quiz show. Cllr


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Fortunato
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 01:51 PM

I know we can't get the show over here in America, but just for curiousities sake, what's this about buzzcocks? Sounds vaguely suggestive and scary at the same time.


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 01:29 PM

Of course Steeleye Span have also appeared on Top of the Pops and it is reputed that they were also the Wombles on the same show!


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Lemming
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 09:20 AM

I think you'll find the dancers were from Albion Morris. Just ask Liz the Squeak about the Lions head!!!


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Bassic
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 08:56 AM

Had the same conversation in the pub last night Steve, we were amazed as well!


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: GUEST,steve
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 08:53 AM

I was amazed that they didn't take the piss out of the Morris dancers who are normally fair game - I think the lion deserved it more though! Where did that come from??


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 05:21 AM

But what's-his-name got the answer right (where did the name come from) and even explained the song, quoted the lines and named the album. (We couldn't afford a record player in those days, so I never heard it.)

Steve


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Subject: RE: never mind the buzzcocks
From: Schantieman
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 05:03 AM

I don't think they were taking it terribly seriously!


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Subject: never mind the buzzcocks
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 13 Nov 02 - 04:15 AM

\I was amazed. There I was sitting watching "Never mind the Buzzcocks" on telly when up pops Steeleye Span. Is this a move to try and bring folk music to a wider audience. Whatever next?


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