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Lyr Add: The Man that Slits the Turkeys' Throats..

Kenny B 14 Nov 02 - 11:19 AM
Scabby Douglas 15 Nov 02 - 07:04 AM
GUEST,JohnB 15 Nov 02 - 12:47 PM
Orac 15 Nov 02 - 12:52 PM
GUEST 15 Nov 02 - 01:30 PM
Deckman 17 Nov 02 - 07:56 PM
GUEST,Nogs 22 Nov 02 - 11:41 AM
Kenny B 22 Nov 02 - 03:09 PM
The Fooles Troupe 22 Dec 04 - 12:16 AM
breezy 22 Dec 04 - 05:45 AM
GUEST,Guest who posted the thread 22 Dec 04 - 03:56 PM
GUEST,Wayne 02 Jan 09 - 12:00 PM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 02 Jan 09 - 04:30 PM
GUEST,cd 11 Dec 09 - 05:53 PM
Joe_F 11 Dec 09 - 06:00 PM
Mr Happy 08 Dec 13 - 08:02 AM
GUEST 08 Dec 13 - 10:00 AM
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Subject: Lyr Add: THE MAN THAT SLITS THE TURKEYS' THROATS..
From: Kenny B
Date: 14 Nov 02 - 11:19 AM

The Man that Slits the Turkeys' Throats at Christmas
Words and music by John Rudkin
As sung by Robin Laing on "Bah! Humbug (The Alternative Christmas Album)" (Greentrax, 2002)

INTRO: In the distance church bells chime.
Soon it will be Christmas time.
On the fire there burns a Yuletide log.
Carollers are singing too,
Noses red and fingers blue,
Sounds of children coughing in the fog.
But there's one man who'll be working when you're tucked up in your bed,
For he has got a seasonal job; his clothes are always red.

CHORUS: I'm the man that slits the turkeys' throats at Christmas.
I'm the man that pulls their innards inside out.
I gather up the giblets, wrap 'em in cellophane,
And just because it's Christmas, I shove 'em back in again.
I secure their little ankles with elastic,
Then I mop up all the slime with bits of rag,
And I'm sure that it would please them,
To know before I freeze them,
I pop 'em into a little plastic bag.

When autumn leaves have fallen and winter winds do blow,
I visit all my poultry, shouting, "Five more weeks to go!"
I send each one a Christmas card; it always is a funny 'un,
Portraying thyme and parsley, rosemary, sage and onion,
But I'm a kindly master, compassionate and dutiful,
And it ruffles up their feathers when I tell them that they're "bootiful."—CHORUS

Some people say I'm cruel; some say that I'm insane,
But methods I've adopted are really quit humane.
I kill them, draw them, pluck them; it's the best way I have found,
Unless I feel vindictive when I swap the system round.
With my hand stuck up a turkey, it's not a pretty sight,
But they die with smiles upon their beaks to tell me it's all right.—CHORUS

One day this little turkey cock with tear drops in his eye,
Whispered to me, "Please sir, I don't want to die."
I said, "Come here, my chickadee; you don't look very chuffed.
Don't you know it's Christmas time, so turkeys can get stuffed?
But you have really touched me and, though we still must part,
There's going to be a place for you, right here next to my heart.—CHORUS


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys .....
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 07:04 AM

Might have known you'd be in here posting this...

I'm definitely learning this for singing atChristmas... It's festive, jovial, and in the worst possible taste...

Thanks for the words and the CD the other night, by the way...

Cheers


Steven


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys .....
From: GUEST,JohnB
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 12:47 PM

Wot about a tune??
JohnB


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys .....
From: Orac
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 12:52 PM

The only variations here from the original by "Struggling Jack" Rudkin is the title "Christmas Man". Line in chorus should be I secure their little ankles with a lacky. (slang for elastic)and the second verse line should be "funny 'un" not "funny yin"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys .....
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 01:30 PM

Robin Laimg is from Lanarkshire and 'un is translated to yin.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys .....
From: Deckman
Date: 17 Nov 02 - 07:56 PM

... just for your edification. Back in 1958, I WAS the man the slits the turkeys. I was just home from the Army, there was no work in construction, as was my bent, I needed a job. I worked for four months as a "turkey plucker." Actually, I got up at 3 A.M., drove the poultry truck to Oregon (from Washington), caught a truckload of 20 - 30 pound turkeys on the wing (meaning loose), loaded them in the truck, drove three hours North to the plant, slept for two hours, went back to the factory, killed the birds and loaded them into the sharp freeze! All for $2.25 an hour! Go figure! CHEERS, Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys .....
From: GUEST,Nogs
Date: 22 Nov 02 - 11:41 AM

I would love a tune to this one, please?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys .....
From: Kenny B
Date: 22 Nov 02 - 03:09 PM

Guest Nogs CD Details 14 Nov 11.11


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys .....
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 12:16 AM

Refresh


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys .....
From: breezy
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:45 AM

yin = one as in       '.......always is a funny one'

Bah Humbug have you got your copy yet?

Unless you is scottish use you own natural accent, fits Sarfeast nicely


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys' .....
From: GUEST,Guest who posted the thread
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:56 PM

Thank's to all who contributed merry christmas to all mudcatters


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys' .....
From: GUEST,Wayne
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:00 PM

Hehe I heard John Rudkin sing this live (and many other great songs such as his "Three Legged Mule" and "Bold Saint George") in the early 1990s when we used to go to a folk club in Rothley, England at a pub called The Royal Oak.

Haven't seen John for years but I'll never forget his songs! A shame there aren't more of his lyrics available online anywhere.

Wayne.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys' .....
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 04:30 PM

I grew up on a turkey farm, where my parents raised an average of 15,000 or so of these flightless wonders per year. I was the kid who cleaned up the pens after they went to market. I learned to loathe these incredibly stupid and ugly critters and, today, eat them but twice a year - out of a profound sense of revenge. I salute "The Man that Slits the Turkeys" as a kindred soul whose enterprise richly deserves to be celebrated in song.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys' .....
From: GUEST,cd
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 05:53 PM

is there anywhere u can buy a cd of this?
my dad is in love with the song and wont stop singing it.any1 knows email me at lawton_catherine@hotmail.com


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys' .....
From: Joe_F
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 06:00 PM

Cf.

Dilly, dilly, dilly, dilly, come and be killed,
For you must be stuffed, and my customers filled.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys'...
From: Mr Happy
Date: 08 Dec 13 - 08:02 AM

The Man That Slits the Turkeys' Throats at Christmas on YouTube.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: I'm the Man that Slits the Turkeys'...
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Dec 13 - 10:00 AM

Dunno about that, always used to have to do a trip to the coldstore a coupe of days later to stocktake the orange juice (that's what happens when you work for a drinks company). You could always tell the state of the economy from whether they offered you one or a carload just to clear the space. Probably why Eastern Europe stuck with the Julian Calendar...
Anyone got a version for me brother, who used to put the Beeb shows on? Three video players (one live, one queued, and a reserve), a stack of tapes in running order to one side, a bin on the other, a heap of mince pies and a thermos of mulled wine. I always reckoned it was a miracle 'er Maj never got swapped for something...


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