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BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!

Bee-dubya-ell 15 Nov 02 - 05:53 PM
Sorcha 15 Nov 02 - 05:56 PM
Banjo-Flower 15 Nov 02 - 06:03 PM
Mudlark 15 Nov 02 - 06:29 PM
GUEST,Davetnova 15 Nov 02 - 06:44 PM
Little Hawk 15 Nov 02 - 06:57 PM
artbrooks 15 Nov 02 - 07:05 PM
Mrs Cobble 15 Nov 02 - 07:11 PM
Little Hawk 15 Nov 02 - 07:16 PM
Gareth 15 Nov 02 - 07:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Nov 02 - 07:46 PM
smallpiper 15 Nov 02 - 08:02 PM
Les from Hull 16 Nov 02 - 10:06 AM
Oaklet 16 Nov 02 - 10:48 AM
GUEST 16 Nov 02 - 10:55 AM
Willie-O 16 Nov 02 - 11:06 AM
Cobble 16 Nov 02 - 11:40 AM
C-flat 16 Nov 02 - 12:09 PM
allanwill 16 Nov 02 - 12:35 PM
Gareth 16 Nov 02 - 02:07 PM
Oaklet 16 Nov 02 - 02:20 PM
Jack The Lad 16 Nov 02 - 04:19 PM
greg stephens 16 Nov 02 - 04:35 PM
Dave Bryant 17 Nov 02 - 01:23 PM
Declan 19 Nov 02 - 06:26 AM
Dave the Gnome 19 Nov 02 - 08:50 AM
GUEST,osson flags 20 Nov 02 - 06:35 AM
GUEST,Mr Red9 Leader9 20 Nov 02 - 08:43 AM
MMario 20 Nov 02 - 08:50 AM
Declan 20 Nov 02 - 09:14 AM
Roger the Skiffler 20 Nov 02 - 10:11 AM
Les from Hull 20 Nov 02 - 03:04 PM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 21 Nov 02 - 03:23 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 22 Nov 02 - 03:11 AM

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Subject: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 05:53 PM

Reprinted from Wankers News Service © 2002:

Intelligence authorities have recently discovered a possible link between the purported city of "Hull" on the eastern coast of Great Britain and terrorist activities. According to reports, a cell of approximately fifty possible terror suspects supposedly from "Hull" have been using an Internet website known as "The Mudcat Cafe" as a means of exchanging coded information. Hundreds of other Internet users who frequent the same website (often referring to themselves as "Mudcatters") have apparently been oblivious to the alleged criminal activity occurring in their midst.

Authorities cite the following as evidence of their accusations:

1) The city of "Hull" does not exist. The unsuspecting "Mudcatters" of the aforementioned website have been told that the reason that no city by the name of "Hull" appears on maps of Great Britain is because its complete name is "Kingston Upon Hull". However, no less an authority than the reliable Internet map service multimap.com indicates that the name of the city upon the Humber River on the east coast of Great Britain is simply "Kingston Upon". There is no mention of the word "Hull". This has led authorities to speculate that "Hull" is simply a code-word for the particular terrorist sect which has infiltrated the Mudcat Cafe.

2) Communications between various "Mudcatters" from "Hull" are, more often than not, entirely indecipherable to anyone not associated with the alleged terrorist cell. Authorities allege that such communications, often referred to as "drivel", are in fact, coded messages. They further speculate that the terrorists from "Hull" have been able to get away with sending such messages for as long as they have because a typical message is so banal that most other "Mudcatters" simply ignore it.

3) The ringleader of the terrorist cell is thought to be one "John From Hull". "John" is notorious for his eccentric typing style and late-night/early-morning posts. "John" often claims that his eccentric communications are the result of having had too many "bears". However, authorities claim that "John"'s typing is merely another means of sending coded messages to other cell members. They particularly cite continuing occurrences of extraneous examples of the numeral "9" in his postings which may be a coded means of indicating the movements and whereabouts of other cell members.

4) Authorities further allege that locations and dates of cell organizational and planning meetings have been broadcast under the guise of "gigs" for a nonexistent band known as "Punch the Horse". According to a reliable source, "The 'Punch the Horse at so-and-so' threads are invariably started by this 'John From Hull' guy. He has even been so bold as to openly cancel planned meetings by starting another thread called 'Punch the Horse Not at so-and-so'. We believe that this 'Punch the Horse' is a code-word for 'John''s four or five immediate deputies. We also believe that they are very well funded, even having access to a Leer Jet. They have reportedly petitioned the British aviation authority to have the plane approved for transatlantic flight, but authorities have been able to delay the process through the usual bureaucratic channels."

5) Electronic intelligence-gathering experts have detected a high number of instances of use of the word "Jacuzzi" originating from the Mudcat Cafe's "Mudchat" chatroom. The word "Jacuzzi" is well-known in terrorist circles as a code-word for a planned clandestine meeting with another operative for the specific purpose of planning or building bombs or other explosive devices. "Jacuzzi" references are often made in conjunction with references to champagne or other wines which would indicate possible stockpiling of empty wine bottles for the purpose of making Molotov cocktails. The individual responsible for the "Jacuzzi" references is believed to be one "Oakley" who is also supposedly a member of "Punch the Horse".


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Sorcha
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 05:56 PM

ROFLMAO!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 06:03 PM

O bugger it looks like they've blown our cover guys what shall we do now o illustrous leader joHn9


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Mudlark
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 06:29 PM

I knew it, I KNEW it! First Osama's goat and now this....


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: GUEST,Davetnova
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 06:44 PM

9, my 4ear, dis is wrung.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 06:57 PM

This explains EVERYTHING! Well, almost everything... I still don't know why penguins cannot master the flute.

Fascinating revelations. I expect that the "News of the World" will be on this story like a dachshund on fresh shit. Britney may yet escape a career-destroying move if these maniacs are brought to justice!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: artbrooks
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 07:05 PM

Oh my gawd...you mean...you mean...I've been a dope (no, wait, that should have been dupe) all this time??!! But wait...I'm not guilty...I simply assumed any band that guy Catspaw49 from Ohi9er hated must be legit. Was it the phone booths? It must have been the phone booths. Hercule Poiroit would have figured out that any city in England that had white phone booths must be imaginary...


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Mrs Cobble
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 07:11 PM

Oh don't I exist ? my birth certificate says i was born in KIngston upon Hull and now you say its not there oooh....?

Mrs C


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 07:16 PM

I.D. can be faked, you know, Mrs C... Just because a thing isn't true doesn't necessarily mean that it's not false!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Gareth
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 07:30 PM

Warning - The so called Jaccuzzi has been known to contain :-

A High tension electrical wire.

A shoal of Pirannaha ( Virtual)

A King Cobra or two. ( Again virtual)

And Oakley

Can some kind persom provide me with a pound or so of virtual Semtex and a working detonator - I am afraid that since the demise of the mining industry here in South Wales my usual supplies of black powder, colliery grade explosives and detonators have become unavailable.

NB Tweed sggested that he could spare a "Water Moccasion" or two, I think that they would be more comfortable in the Jacuzzi than a King Cobra whilst they await a suitable target.

Hmm ???, just a thought can any catter from OZ scan me a Taipan, and send the file ??? Or perhaps one of your nastier jelly fishes ???

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 07:46 PM

Gareth,

Howzabout this little feller, or, better yet, one of these little guys?


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: smallpiper
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 08:02 PM

Oh dear what fools - hull is a coded part of MI5's anti-terorist squad and the ijit wot stared this thread is clearly employed by one of the less intelliegent tabloids who have been duped by Ossama's goat! It sis so sad that one of the most brillaint anti-terrorist operations ever to have existed is blown by such foolishness.

Oakley and JfH will have to enter the witness protection programme and the rest will have to disburse................ or will we!


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Les from Hull
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 10:06 AM

A witless protection programme sounds like just what we want. Somebody should protect us from the humourly-challenged!


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Oaklet
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 10:48 AM


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 10:55 AM

There is a program in Hull which protects one from the humor challenged? Are there exchanges for Americans who are irony deprived too?


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Willie-O
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 11:06 AM

Oakley, Osama. Both start with O. Coincidence? You decide.

John from Hull...John F Kennedy was an American president.

Perhaps it's deeper than a simple terrorist cell. Perhaps it's a microcosm of the entire East/West conflict, if there is one.

Paging Admiral (John!!!) Poindexter! Your attention is needed in a non-existent place called Hell, I mean Hull, I M9ean oh fuggeddaboutit.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Cobble
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 11:40 AM

Is he Ossama 9John Bin Liner.....I wonder?

    A Reflective Cobble.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: C-flat
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 12:09 PM

I think they're manufacturing land nines.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: allanwill
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 12:35 PM

Ve haf vays of dealink vith ze terrorists!
Click here


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Gareth
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 02:07 PM

Gee Alinact them Funelwebs sound fun. I will add them to my file of nasties.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Oaklet
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 02:20 PM

Oakley to red9 leader9. They are on to us. Abandon project jacuzzi. Buggery bollocks - that should have been a p m and I've already hit the submit button.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Jack The Lad
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 04:19 PM

Dam9! does this meen that after 35years as Osama's mole in the lair of the fie9dish Zio9ists I'll have to go back to Hull?
A9ything is better than that. I'll go and joi9 a kibbutz.
Jack The 9Lads -in Israe9.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: greg stephens
Date: 16 Nov 02 - 04:35 PM

This all seems unlikely to me, given John from Hul9@s inability to find a car key, a shift key or a bear in his own fridge.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 17 Nov 02 - 01:23 PM

IMPORTANT if you receive any containers of green ginger through the post DO NOT OPEN THEM. They will be radioactive and contaminated with mutated anthrax spores.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Declan
Date: 19 Nov 02 - 06:26 AM

The 9ullites certainly seem to have hijacked this forum !


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Nov 02 - 08:50 AM

Nothing surprising here for me. Firstly - LH mentions Dachshunds. I should point out that another breed of small dog is the Yorkshire Terrorist.

Secondly. John from Hull does not exist. I thought I met him once in bear garden in Chapel Haddesley but the experience was so bizzare I think it must have been a dream.

Finaly, if he did indeed exist, you only have to combine that name (John from Hull) with Osama bin Laden to find the secret message 'Roll on Jihad - Ben Nul of Hammas'

QED...

Cheers

Dave the Gnome


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: GUEST,osson flags
Date: 20 Nov 02 - 06:35 AM

we have declan,we have.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: GUEST,Mr Red9 Leader9
Date: 20 Nov 02 - 08:43 AM

Leave me outa this one, I did 10 years visiting Beaver Lac and I'm on the cure right now.
The reason you can't find 9ull is that you are looking under Yorkshire - Try North Hummberside - that's where you will find it. It is a bit lower and to the right. If we push a bit harder we can squeeze it on to Spurn Head and just wait for the tides to do the rest.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: MMario
Date: 20 Nov 02 - 08:50 AM

I personally think the the Hull ef9ect is a plot by the Dutch in their world domination. along with the destruction of the few remaining fresh-water whales of the Great Lakes, preparatory to their draining Lake Ontario and claiming it as 'New Netherlands'


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Declan
Date: 20 Nov 02 - 09:14 AM

The Dutch ! Why didn't I think of that. There's even a Ferry from 9ull to the 9ook of 9olland (or was that 9arwich?).


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 20 Nov 02 - 10:11 AM

I understand there's NO truth in the rumour that Punch is a pantomime horse with 2 Al Quaida inside. Muffled voice did NOT say "take us to hull or Kim Howell gets covered in horsesh*t".
RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Les from Hull
Date: 20 Nov 02 - 03:04 PM

It goes to 9uroport, Declan. Or I say should I it comes from there?

And Mr Red9 Leader9 - I 've warned you before about your delusions. North Humberside indeed! And I Spurn your suggestions as to where it should go. I'd better leave off now and let you get back to painting the underneaths of ships.


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 21 Nov 02 - 03:23 AM

Beaverlac is shut now, where is this Humberside place you speak of anyway?


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Subject: RE: BS: Possible Hull/Terrorism Link Exposed!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 22 Nov 02 - 03:11 AM

anyway the, ferry goes to rottendam 9Europort).john


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This Thread Is Closed.


Mudcat time: 5 April 3:25 AM EDT

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