What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song

Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 10:47 AM

Well, I finally found this song I wrote in1982, in frustration at certain men I knew.   You always knew when they were afoot, 'cause the toilet seat was always left up.  And territorial markings come in many varieties.

Even thought it's kind of fun to sing, I think it qualifies for this thread.   (It's a kind of skiffle beat country song.)

SWO

Territorial Imperative
   words and music by Sonja W. Oates © 1982

Like a mother sewin' initials
In her children's underwear
Or a hound dog waterin' the neighbors' lawn
Or a robin croonin' to the air,
You seem to need to leave your mark
On everything that you touch,
As though without proof of your territory,
The world would think that you're not much.

    Well, honey, you're welcome in my world,
    But don't try to mark it as your own.
    My needs are few,
    But one thing I ask of you:
    Put the seat back down.

        Put the seat down, honey.
        I pick up after you,
        You can pick up after me.
        Forget that territorial imperative
        And put the (bleep) seat down when you leave!

Well, I saw your ex-lady yesterday
Carryin' Honey, Junior in her arms,
And she's still carryin' your last name,
To show the world that you once knew her charms.
And on the door of your office, there's a great big sign
Sayin' "Honey, Incorporated,"
With a big status mobile in your labeled space
To show the world that you have really rated.

    Well, honey, you're welcome in my world,
    But don't try to mark it as your own.
    My needs are few,
    But one thing I ask of you:
    Put the seat back down.

        Put the seat down, honey.
        There's really nothin' to it:
        Even a four-year-old can do it.
        Forget that territorial imperative
        And put the ["cuckoo"] seat down when you leave!

Like a rancher carvin' initials in the gate
Or burnin' 'em into his cattle,
You seem to wanna brand the women you love
As though sayin', "World, here's more o' my chattel."
Well, there's "mine," there's "ours," and then there's "yours,"
And I ain't included in the latter,
So don't do private things to me when we're in public places.
The size of your territory does not matter.

    So, honey, you're welcome in my world,
    This is our garden: you be Adam, I'll be Eve.
    But livin' in Paradise
    Would be so much nicer if you'd
    Put the blankety-blank seat down when you leave!

        Put the seat down, honey.
        There's always one last straw,
        An' there oughta be a law!
        Forget that territorial imperative
        And put the ["cuckoo"] seat down when you leave!

Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Frank Hamilton
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 01:17 PM

I once tried to write a song with another fellow. We spent the whole afternoon and all we could come up with was the following embarrasing lyric:

Who put the mustache on the Mona Lisa?
Who chopped the ear off the Vincent Van Gogh?
Who cut the arms off the Venus Di Milo
Who knocked the pecker off the Michelangelo?

Deathless poetry! Now I realize why I haven't been a singer-songwriter. (Head hung low and back to the drawing board).

Frank

Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 01:22 PM

I would not DREAM of telling you the lyrics to my worst song....

- LH

Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 01:33 PM

I was about twenty-one, bitten by the folksong bug, and expecting fairly soon to be drafted and sent to Korea.   I perpetrated this sublime piece of crap:

I'm goin' off to fight in the war
All on the Korean strand
Who's a-gonna kiss your red, ruby lips?
Who's a-gonna glove your hand?

It's you will kiss my red, ruby lips
And you will glove my hand
And no-one will do me either of them
While you're gone to the Korean strand.

I hadn't been gone but about two months,
Come a letter in her hand:
"Dear John, I will not wait for you
"While you're gone to that foreign land."

"My new love will kiss my red, ruby lips
"And he will glove my hand
"And he will make me his fair bride
"While you're gone to that foreign land."

With a tune almost as inspired.

UGH!

Dave Oesterreich