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What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song

Bert 04 Dec 02 - 03:51 PM
SharonA 04 Dec 02 - 04:29 PM
Bert 05 Dec 02 - 03:23 PM
Bert 08 Dec 02 - 08:09 PM
Midchuck 08 Dec 02 - 08:16 PM
Jim Krause 08 Dec 02 - 08:53 PM
GUEST,JennyO 08 Dec 02 - 09:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Dec 02 - 09:23 PM
GUEST,The Big Pink Lad 08 Dec 02 - 11:01 PM
Jim Dixon 09 Dec 02 - 02:36 AM
J.R. Winters 09 Dec 02 - 03:33 AM
greg stephens 09 Dec 02 - 07:43 AM
Bert 09 Dec 02 - 01:54 PM
alanabit 09 Dec 02 - 02:18 PM
GUEST,Calico 09 Dec 02 - 03:08 PM
alanabit 10 Dec 02 - 11:24 AM
M.Ted 10 Dec 02 - 11:49 AM
Willie-O 10 Dec 02 - 12:02 PM
Bert 10 Dec 02 - 01:15 PM
M.Ted 10 Dec 02 - 02:59 PM
Genie 11 Dec 02 - 09:30 PM
Bert 12 Dec 02 - 01:34 PM
Genie 12 Dec 02 - 03:31 PM
Songster Bob 12 Dec 02 - 03:51 PM
Donuel 12 Dec 02 - 06:38 PM
Genie 12 Dec 02 - 10:14 PM
Bert 13 Dec 02 - 08:52 PM
khandu 13 Dec 02 - 09:05 PM
Cluin 14 Dec 02 - 01:24 AM
GUEST,Sonja 14 Dec 02 - 10:45 AM
Cluin 14 Dec 02 - 02:28 PM
Bert 15 Dec 02 - 03:51 AM
Midchuck 15 Dec 02 - 08:07 AM
GUEST,Fred Miller 15 Dec 02 - 10:10 AM
M.Ted 15 Dec 02 - 01:35 PM
Deda 15 Dec 02 - 03:10 PM
Genie 15 Dec 02 - 09:26 PM
GUEST,Fred Miller 16 Dec 02 - 12:56 PM
Genie 16 Dec 02 - 01:37 PM
Bert 17 Dec 02 - 07:17 PM
GUEST,Frash 17 Dec 02 - 09:01 PM
GUEST,Fred M 18 Dec 02 - 09:12 AM
GUEST 18 Dec 02 - 09:14 AM
GUEST,Fred Miller 18 Dec 02 - 09:57 AM
Haruo 19 Dec 02 - 02:23 AM
Cluin 19 Dec 02 - 02:45 AM
GUEST,Fred Miller 19 Dec 02 - 09:12 AM
Dave Bryant 19 Dec 02 - 09:43 AM
Genie 20 Dec 02 - 04:22 AM
Haruo 20 Dec 02 - 01:16 PM
GUEST,Sonja 29 Dec 02 - 10:47 AM
GUEST,Frank Hamilton 29 Dec 02 - 01:17 PM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 02 - 01:22 PM
Uncle_DaveO 29 Dec 02 - 01:33 PM
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Subject: Lyr Add: Get it off your chest
From: Bert
Date: 04 Dec 02 - 03:51 PM

No, that's not the name of the song.

This thread is for posting that song that is so bad that you would be embarrassed to sing it but for some unknown reason you wrote it anyway.
The original thread title didn't get much response. Now I KNOW that all you songwriters must have at least one bad song that you don't know what to do with (You wouldn't be caught dead singing it) So here's the place to post it. Like this...

With apologies to Connie Francis.
Tune "My heart has a mind of its own"


At the local grocery store, I found a shopping cart
But one of its wheels just wouldn't start
although the other three, they all turn left you see
Guess my cart has a mind of its own.

I wanted aisle thirteen to buy some baking goods
but these wheels, they don't turn the way they should
and so I ended up, in personal feminine stuff
Guess my cart has a mind of its own.

The butcher fancies me, each tim I pass him by
he looks me up and down and winks his eye.

I tell this cart of mine to find the checkout line
but it wants to go around just one more time.
I've been around this store eleven times or more
Guess my cart has a mind of its own.

Guess my cart has a mind of its own.


OK. now its your turn.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Get it off your chest
From: SharonA
Date: 04 Dec 02 - 04:29 PM

I'm embarrassed to even type it, but here's a little ditty I made up in the car once:

I'm driving along behind a garbage truck
And all that I see... is trash
Oh, driving along behind a garbage truck
Is something you can... stick up your ash!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Get it off your chest
From: Bert
Date: 05 Dec 02 - 03:23 PM

Great Sharon, That's just the kind of thing I was thinking of.

When I get back to PA we'll have to persuade Bucksfolk to use this as a theme. Can you just imagine a whole session of this stuff.

Come on folks Fess UP you must have written at least one.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Bert
Date: 08 Dec 02 - 08:09 PM

Refreshing with new thread title


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Midchuck
Date: 08 Dec 02 - 08:16 PM

What are the limits of political incorrectness or just plain filth, in posting to this thread?

Peter.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Jim Krause
Date: 08 Dec 02 - 08:53 PM

Well, compared to the *ahem* gems above, mine seem pretty bland. So I'll decline the offer.
Jim


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,JennyO
Date: 08 Dec 02 - 09:15 PM

A few years ago when Sydney was suffering from a water pollution scare, I wrote this song. Thankfully, I only sang it once:
(to the tune of "Home on the range")

Oh give me a home, where giardia roam.
And the cryptosporidium play.
If you drink water here, you will get diarrhoea
And you'll sit on the dunny all day.

(chorus)
Oh we want a change
from the germs we are drinking today
Sydney water's a bore, we won't drink any more
Till they take all those nasties away.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Dec 02 - 09:23 PM

Here's one I'm guilty of. It's a slow waltz sorta like John Prine's "Billy the Bum". Not exactly like it, but close enough to give you the idea.   

INDIGESTION by Bruce W. LaWall

Well we started out as friends
That's the way these things begin
And soon we were together every night

And everybody said
We were perfect for each other
And I guess we thought they were right

And one thing led to another
And pretty soon, oh brother,
You had become an obsession

And I once thought that I saw
The future in your eyes
But I guess it was just indigestion.


BL


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,The Big Pink Lad
Date: 08 Dec 02 - 11:01 PM

I found this in a long-thought-lost exercise book written when I was 15 -- thought it was great then. I cringe now:

Yesterday's paper blowing around
Up in the air and down.
I cannot see you for the trees
And the whispering grass on the ground ...

But I know you're there, coz I can smell
Your strawberry oil.
I'd like to kiss you once before
They put me in the soil ...


Let me know if you want the chords ... ;o)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Dec 02 - 02:36 AM

Well, it has to be my worst song, because it's my only song. It's posted in the thread called BS: BS about CS. You probably have to read the opening message to understand the song.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: J.R. Winters
Date: 09 Dec 02 - 03:33 AM

Oh yeah. This is great. In the sixth grade I wrote a really bad punk song called "The Little Green Men" that consisted basically of those four words.

-J.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: greg stephens
Date: 09 Dec 02 - 07:43 AM

I regret to say that, when a teenager, i wrote a number of songs for a theatre show. One of these included the line
"still the joy of exploding fireworks lasts".
No, I am not going to write out the whole of it. That's more than enough.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Bert
Date: 09 Dec 02 - 01:54 PM

Wonderful! every one of them.

Midchuck. Anything goes. If it's really bad post a warning at the beginning and leave a few blank lines so that decent clean minded wooses can skip the message if they choose.

Oh and it's quite OK for anyone to post anonymously to this thread. We understand.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: alanabit
Date: 09 Dec 02 - 02:18 PM

Greg - that's courage. When I think of some of the turkeys I've been guilty of, I could only sum up the courage to post to this thread as an anonymous guest!


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Subject: What's the worst song YOU Have written?
From: GUEST,Calico
Date: 09 Dec 02 - 03:08 PM

Well, I'll "share" the song with ya, but I better not reveal my real name here.

I used to have a tabby who loved to get under the covers and curl up to sleep next to my tummy.   She would jump up on the bed and "stand there with her hands on her hips, as though to say, "Well... Are you gonna let me in, or what? I'm waiting!"

Anyway, one night as she stuck her head under the covers and made her usual 3 turns around before plopping down to purr, this little ditty sprang from me (in old-style country twang):

Well, there's a cat crawlin' underneath the blanket,
An' 'er motor's racin' away.
Well, she makes me tingle with a cat lover's delight,
An' she'll keep me warm till the break of day.

Chorus:

Nothin' like a warm pussy 'neath the blanket!
Nothin' like a warm pussy to mellow out your soul!
Oh, a hot dog may be nice
Or cold duck on ice,
But a warm pussy's better'n gold!

This was not submitted for the Mudcat CDs, though! ;-)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: alanabit
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 11:24 AM

Well folks. I am counting on you 'Catters to forgive and forget quickly. Here is a copy bbook example of how NOT to write a blues song...

I Ain't Got The Blues


I woke up this morning – the dog was still alive
I wasn't yawning – I don't work nine to five
I did not feel hungover 'cos I hadn't had no booze
I just smiled at Rover 'cos I ain't got the blues


Down at St. James Infirmary - my girlfriend was well
She's a nurse like my Uncle Bill
And on my birthday – they bought me brand new shoes
It was a smashing holiday and I ain't got the blues

It did not rain on Monday and Tuesday was just fine
I sunbathed all day Wednesday – Thursday was divine
The boss gave me the week off work – and paid my union dues
Now everything's going great for me and I ain't got the blues!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: M.Ted
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 11:49 AM

My worst song, at least that I every played in public, was a parody of those "Wango Tango" type songs that Ted Nugent used to do--my tune was called "Animal Hunger", it sounded vaguely like "Shakin' All Over", and contained this sterling bit of scansion:

"He's got a half a foot of dong,
Now that might not seem too long,
but when he locks it in her poon,
He nearly rocks her to the moon.

He's got ANIMAL HUNGER(Uh,Uh, Uh, Uh)
ANIMAL HUNGER(Uh,Uh, Uh, Uh)
ANIMAL HUNGER(Uh,Uh, Uh, Uh)
YEAH!"

Though I am now extremely embarassed by this, it was once a rather popular part of my show--it was so popular that someone had me record   it for an actual record label, though, it was never released, for some reason, they never wanted to hear anything else I'd written--


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Willie-O
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 12:02 PM

Alanabit, that's actually pretty good I think.

Now Ted, you've definitely got into the spirit. Funny, I can think of half a dozen hoser bands that would jump on that masterpiece like a dumb ol' dawg on a deer leg.

I'm thinkin...

W-O


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Bert
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 01:15 PM

These are GREAT!!!

Keep 'em coming folks.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: M.Ted
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 02:59 PM

Willie-O, I think one of your hoser bands could have done well with it--Calico's tune would have been a good follow-up--Won't you tell us who you really are,Calico? One of the twelve steps in Bad Songwriters Anonymous is to accept responsibility for your bad lyrics--


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Genie
Date: 11 Dec 02 - 09:30 PM

BTW, Sharon, I like your garbage song. But then, I think your mind and mine tend to be on the same wavelength a lot of the time when it somes to silly songs!

Genie


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Bert
Date: 12 Dec 02 - 01:34 PM

There are many notable Mudcat songwriters who have not posted yet.

Do I have to come out and name you or are you going to fess up voluntarily?

You know that you must have at least one song for us.


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Subject: What's YOUR worst song
From: Genie
Date: 12 Dec 02 - 03:31 PM

My tribute to my home stomping grounds in Oregon:

Portland, Portland, you're a pretty good city,
Wilder than Salem,
Bigger than Burns.*
I find you a lot more interesting than Boring,**
And I find you whenever I drive up I-Five...
And don't turn.

Genie

*Burns is a wide spot in the road 'way over next to the Idaho border.
**Boring, OR is another wide spot (smaller than Burns, I think) on the outskirts of Portland.

Salem is our state capital and, despite being close to 90,000 people, they still roll up the sidewalks at about 8 PM.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Songster Bob
Date: 12 Dec 02 - 03:51 PM

Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,
Hang down your head and see.
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,
Poor boy, you've got V.D.

Met her on the mountain,
Took her in the grass,
Met her on the mountain,
That syphilitic piece of ass!

Repeat ad nauseum.

Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Dec 02 - 06:38 PM

jingle hells jingle hells
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If ya don't find Christ
no matter what you do
If ya don't know Budda
or the grand Wazoo

If you pay for god
Creations not for you
If you are not merciful
You sure missed Allah too

Look inside
ask yourself
Is it words that you believe

Have you confused the metaphor
and worship Christmas Eve?

Jungle balls jungle balls
heathens are OK
missionaries go to hell
but make the natives pay



If this full of shit
You must have missed the point
You listened to a guy "in charge"
that God did not appoint

If you're not a Santa
Your presents will be few.
If these words offends ya
I'll tell ya what to do

Look inside, ask yourself
Is it words that you believe

Have you confused the metaphor
and worship Christmas Eve?

Jingle hells, jingle hells
religion's here to stay
oh what hell, it is to pray
in a one horse town today




The hero is inside.
When you follow dreams.
Worship God in everyone.
it's better than it seems.

This song is now too long
for anyone to sing.
but now its stuck inside your brain
like salvation bells that ring

Look inside, ask yourself
Is it words that you believe

Have you confused the metaphor
and worship Christmas Eve?

Jingle hells jingle hells
On TV or the Mall
They tell you to go shopping
and to buy it all-ll


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Genie
Date: 12 Dec 02 - 10:14 PM

Wow! What wonderfully awful songs! LOL

Genie
¤-D


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Bert
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 08:52 PM

OK, lets have some more. I promise I won't make a CD.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: khandu
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 09:05 PM

From the khandu Files of "Rarely Performed and Sadly Written Songs" comes this Jewel!

"The Tamale Song"

"Does the Ayatollah (sp?) drink Coca Cola?I don't think so.

Does Mario Andretti eat the spaghetti? I don't know.

Did Henry Fonda leave in a Honda when he had to go?

Did Mohammed Ali eat the tamale? Does anybody want to dance?

Does anybody want to dance? Slip into your dancing pants?

I know you can, don't you say you can'ts.

Does anybody want to dance?


Unfortunately, there is more verses to the song, but you get the idea!"

khandu


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Dec 02 - 01:24 AM

Jeez, awful songs? Too many to post.

But here's a stupid little one I taught my little niece to sing once, just to piss off my sister:

When it's bum-rubbin' time in the valley,
I rub my bum, then I come home to you.
You've been rubbin' your bum too
`Cause your fingers smell like poo
When it's bum-rubbin' time in the valley.

(sung to the tune of Red River Valley (more or less)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 14 Dec 02 - 10:45 AM

LMAO!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Dec 02 - 02:28 PM

My sister was less impressed, Sonja.

Seckint verse, jus' like the firs':

When it's nose-pickin' time on the mountain,
I picks my nose, then I goes home to you.
I saw you pickin' too
Then you wiped it on your shoe
When it's nose-pickin' time on the mountain.


My niece never got to the second verse tho'...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Bert
Date: 15 Dec 02 - 03:51 AM

Wonderful! every one of them.

Unfortunately there are still some Mudcat songwriters who are conspicuous by there absense!

Come on guys, fess up, before I start getting personal.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Midchuck
Date: 15 Dec 02 - 08:07 AM

Trust me, you don't want to know.

Peter.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 15 Dec 02 - 10:10 AM

I'm still trying to make my worst songs work. In the 12-step of bad song writing, the first step may be taking responsibility, but the first stage is denial, where I am. I'm just starting to think my stuff might be hopelessly awful no matter what I do. I think I might have to start a Help thread for my worst songs--isn't realising you need help usually the first step?

   The stuff I do for kids I don't care, I'm shameless. Tune of Stormy weather--Don't know why, I've got no room left for pie, turkey dinner, have to wait until I'm feeling thinner, I've got no room for pi-ie.

   Or my vegetarian version of "Blackbird" which simply adds a verse--Turkey missing on thanksgiving day, take those turkey legs and run away, hey hey hey, turkey turns up missing on thanksgiving day, etc.

   But even my most serious songs have the same dopey quality--I can't do anything else. I'll put up this blues tune, but I'm not ready to post my recent masterpiece Lost River Town. I still believe it might be okay, somehow. Perhaps some paradigm shift in culture and a re-alignment of the spheres will occur, giving it's badness a positive charge.

This is my powerful, emotionally charged epic poem about economic theory.

You like to cook
I like to eat
Let's get out our day-planners and find someplace to meet
With your culinary enterprise and my appetite
we could really I think go somewhere
Your bedroom smells like fresh-baked bread, honey
What's going on in there?

You like to work
And I like to watch you do it
We have this natural affinity--don't mis-construe it
We could be greater than our sum together--not be null or voided
This easy life is a hard life honey--maybe that's why you avoid it
So be nice (to me)
And before you say what you were gonna say, think twice (at least)

You like to clean
I like to make the mess
I predict our day will come, then history will tell the rest
I'm a man of vision, hate to have to say so myself
Don't pull the rug from out from under me
Don't put me on a shelf

O' my America, O' my newfound land!
Someday you'll discover me, half-buried in your sand
And you can look up longer, longer than I ever can look down
But look I'm always doing push-ups, all you've got to do is keep the count (keep the count)
   
    My best and worst songs are the same few songs, this kind of stuff.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: M.Ted
Date: 15 Dec 02 - 01:35 PM

Thank you for sharing that, Brother Fred--


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Deda
Date: 15 Dec 02 - 03:10 PM

Wow, these are great! Maybe I'll take up songwriting just to have something to contribute. My late, great mother made up this one, it's a family treasure:

Oh, tomatoes on the vine
And diapers on the line
And everything is fine
For Mommy!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: Genie
Date: 15 Dec 02 - 09:26 PM

Well, my simplest song (blank verse, of course), I guess was:

"Little baby turkeys
Want a drink of water."

I don't recall the tune, though I know the tune my mom uses when she tells me about the song. (Its sort of a variation on that classic "Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.") Mom says I made up the "song" when I was not quite two, so I won't apologize for the primitive lyric. ;-D


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: What's YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 16 Dec 02 - 12:56 PM

I feel I should apologise for my post, I've been on a thread-killing spree. It really should be on a Help: my whole style of Songwriting Sucks thread. It struck me that everyone's worst songs are similar to my best. I kinda like some of these.


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Subject: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Genie
Date: 16 Dec 02 - 01:37 PM

Don't feel bad, Fred. I really didn't post my truly BAD songs, just my silly doggerel ones. (Yes, Ted, I admit to being Calico's "evil twin.")

My really bad songs, for the most part, I don't ever finish. If I do, I never sing them. They tend to be rambling (too many lines within a verse, too many verses, individual lines too long). And you might not recognize how bad they are unless you hear them with the melodies.

I think the thread would have drawn more attention if you'd titled it as I did in the subject line of this post. I almost did not open it, because I thought you were ADDING the LYRICS to a song called "Your Worst Song."

Genie


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Bert
Date: 17 Dec 02 - 07:17 PM

OK Genie, DONE, that was a good idea. Let's see if your title brings more songs out of the woodwork.

We don't care why they are bad or how they compare to your other songs. We just want those that you wouldn't admit to anywhere else.


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Frash
Date: 17 Dec 02 - 09:01 PM

Sadly, it's not my worst. It's just my latest.

Tempo: kinda slow and bluesy

Sick and Insane

(chorus)
Now you're listening to a fellow who is sick and insane
At least that's what the doctors say,
But the voices that I'm hearing from inside of my brain
Are telling me that I'm okay.
And those little green fellows from the planet Dweeb,
Are sitting on my shoulder asking, "Who do you believe?"
But I don't have to listen to anyone …
After all, I'm Napoleon.

Now the CIA is sending messages to me
Through Seinfeld reruns on my TV,
And the tinfoil hat that I wear on my head
Keeps the UFOs from contacting me,
You all think my neighbor is a real nice guy,
But the Coke machine told me he's a Canadian spy
But I don't have to worry 'bout any thing…
After all, I've got a magic ring.

Yesterday I hit my boss on the head with a shovel,
It's okay, he was possessed by the devil.
Now I'm fighting my invisible Siamese twin,
He's the one who causes all of my trouble,
I need to get away 'cause some rest would be swell
Gonna make a reservation at the Bates Motel,
My transport beam can get me there in less than an hour…
And then I'll relax in the shower.

That's the first two verses and the chorus. If you want more, you'll have to buy my CD.


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Fred M
Date: 18 Dec 02 - 09:12 AM


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Dec 02 - 09:14 AM


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 18 Dec 02 - 09:57 AM

Sorry, my keyboard wouldn't work and I accidently posted trying to fix it.
My newest is so bad I probably won't write it, but it's called My Girlfriend Won't Go There (c). It was inspired by a reed in my harmonica that works for straight harp, but freezes up when I tried to bend it, like a girlfriend that won't do that kind of thing.

Emboldened by Frash--apparently I'm not the only person who suffers from "cleverness"-- this is a song I keep trying to fix, but I'm afraid is just bad. No offence meant, Frash, but you know what I mean, I can't write simple evocative stuff, want to tell a story, tell jokes, whatnot. Here I try to do something more with it, but don't think I got around it.

My Fat Friend.

I used to know this fat guy back in 1978
he disappeared, and he re-appeared, but he had lost a lot of weight
one day in the dark someone came up to me
said I bet you don't remember me
No, who are you? and then, when he grinned, he was my fat friend

What you been up to? I've mostly been down
living here in lost river town
we're living in a lost and found

He had some money, folded it open to the light
when he turned it over on the backside it was white
I didn't say anything, it took me by surprise
he said this is just a work in progress you realise
I said no, I get the idea, I said nice

He took out a twenty he said lets go over there
turned it over on the back there was nothing there
he talked about his girl, said they could tell each other anything
but this is not the kind of thing you tell someone you can tell anything
he was looking at me and I thought about that, I said I see what you're saying

what went up must've come down
we're living here in lost river town
we're living in a lost and found

He used to see this girl I knew, Jessica Paint
and he was still with her, but that's not her real name
like any lost river girl you'd see around dressed anyhow
she wrote poetry about the Tao
and had that spooked look in her eye like they all did, like they'd been thrown from a horse as a kid

I was working the graveyard at the Daily News
and ran the press and printed the daily news
spent time inside my head somewhere inside the sound of the press
I made up my mind that I was kind of tired of this
dreamed of disappearing like a snake through a crevice in a rock
thought I'd go anywhere else

what went up must've come down, etc.

I'm going to pass around some photographs about what happened later
here we are in tailored suits, standing on an escalator
going down to Mexico, trading guarded glances
when he was traveling sometimes I was taking Authur Murray classes
this was the night when they were playing the beautiful Tennessee Waltz

What went up, etc.

I've seen unlikely things, household junk-drawers, decorations
cut out in cute shapes, our unrealistic expectations
out in a ghost-ship suburb, Andrea Dorea Estates
we go out to get the paper, we count the days, I roll the plates, day-o.


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Haruo
Date: 19 Dec 02 - 02:23 AM

I wrote a whole musical when I was in grade school called something like The Horrible Excruciating Terrible Historie of Rummy-Joe and Jello-Et, based on the Shakespeare play of the same name, and thank goodness and all your lucky stars none of the lyrics have survived.

So I can't post them.

Haruo


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Dec 02 - 02:45 AM

tease.


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 19 Dec 02 - 09:12 AM

I keep threatening to write a tragic love ballad about a guy who lives in Romeoville and a woman who lives in Joliet, who have to commute for dates in the south Chicago traffic. The chorus would be in the form of a radio traffic report which is always the same, in essence, Give up.


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 19 Dec 02 - 09:43 AM

At one folk club we would always finish with "Wild Mountain Thyme" which would be sung round the room, a verse from each singer. If there were a lot of singers it would difficult to find a verse so I used to write a new one every week - people even used to pinch what I'd sung the previous week and get in first with it.

One of my worst was:

If my truelove chucks me out
Then her love she can keep
I'll just pull on my wellies
And I'll find myself a sheep


I still often hear it sung by complete strangers.


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 02 - 04:22 AM

This thread is a real hoot!! LOL!


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Haruo
Date: 20 Dec 02 - 01:16 PM

N.B.: "the south Chicago traffic" is the right meter for inclusion in a verse of "Wild Mountain thyme", give or take a grace note.

Haruo


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 10:47 AM

Well, I finally found this song I wrote in1982, in frustration at certain men I knew.   You always knew when they were afoot, 'cause the toilet seat was always left up.  And territorial markings come in many varieties.

Even thought it's kind of fun to sing, I think it qualifies for this thread.   (It's a kind of skiffle beat country song.)

SWO

Territorial Imperative
   words and music by Sonja W. Oates © 1982

Like a mother sewin' initials
In her children's underwear
Or a hound dog waterin' the neighbors' lawn
Or a robin croonin' to the air,
You seem to need to leave your mark
On everything that you touch,
As though without proof of your territory,
The world would think that you're not much.

    Well, honey, you're welcome in my world,
    But don't try to mark it as your own.
    My needs are few,
    But one thing I ask of you:
    Put the seat back down.

        Put the seat down, honey.
        I pick up after you,
        You can pick up after me.
        Forget that territorial imperative
        And put the (bleep) seat down when you leave!

Well, I saw your ex-lady yesterday
Carryin' Honey, Junior in her arms,
And she's still carryin' your last name,
To show the world that you once knew her charms.
And on the door of your office, there's a great big sign
Sayin' "Honey, Incorporated,"
With a big status mobile in your labeled space
To show the world that you have really rated.

    Well, honey, you're welcome in my world,
    But don't try to mark it as your own.
    My needs are few,
    But one thing I ask of you:
    Put the seat back down.

        Put the seat down, honey.
        There's really nothin' to it:
        Even a four-year-old can do it.
        Forget that territorial imperative
        And put the ["cuckoo"] seat down when you leave!

Like a rancher carvin' initials in the gate
Or burnin' 'em into his cattle,
You seem to wanna brand the women you love
As though sayin', "World, here's more o' my chattel."
Well, there's "mine," there's "ours," and then there's "yours,"
And I ain't included in the latter,
So don't do private things to me when we're in public places.
The size of your territory does not matter.

    So, honey, you're welcome in my world,
    This is our garden: you be Adam, I'll be Eve.
    But livin' in Paradise
    Would be so much nicer if you'd
    Put the blankety-blank seat down when you leave!

        Put the seat down, honey.
        There's always one last straw,
        An' there oughta be a law!
        Forget that territorial imperative
        And put the ["cuckoo"] seat down when you leave!


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: GUEST,Frank Hamilton
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 01:17 PM

I once tried to write a song with another fellow. We spent the whole afternoon and all we could come up with was the following embarrasing lyric:

Who put the mustache on the Mona Lisa?
Who chopped the ear off the Vincent Van Gogh?
Who cut the arms off the Venus Di Milo
Who knocked the pecker off the Michelangelo?

Deathless poetry! Now I realize why I haven't been a singer-songwriter. (Head hung low and back to the drawing board).

Frank


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 01:22 PM

I would not DREAM of telling you the lyrics to my worst song....

- LH


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Subject: RE: What are the lyrics to YOUR worst song
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 01:33 PM

I was about twenty-one, bitten by the folksong bug, and expecting fairly soon to be drafted and sent to Korea.   I perpetrated this sublime piece of crap:

I'm goin' off to fight in the war
All on the Korean strand
Who's a-gonna kiss your red, ruby lips?
Who's a-gonna glove your hand?

It's you will kiss my red, ruby lips
And you will glove my hand
And no-one will do me either of them
While you're gone to the Korean strand.

I hadn't been gone but about two months,
Come a letter in her hand:
"Dear John, I will not wait for you
"While you're gone to that foreign land."

"My new love will kiss my red, ruby lips
"And he will glove my hand
"And he will make me his fair bride
"While you're gone to that foreign land."

With a tune almost as inspired.

UGH!

Dave Oesterreich


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