BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: My guru always said
Date: 10 Mar 03 - 10:00 AM

"Well that was a lovely nap in a cosy lap, Moonglow, sorry I didn't wake up earlier", purred the now perfectly groomed Stray Tabby. "See you here for some more fussing next Christmas...."

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: moonglow
Date: 31 Dec 02 - 09:36 PM

Moon opens the door, only to find the tavern quiet and empty, except for a slightly bedraggled cat with one eye open. She picks up the cat and a glass of cold cider and sits down by the fire, the cat purring loudly in her lap. "Where is everyone?" she wonders, and waits impatiently for someone to appear.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 08:24 PM

Time for a New Year's Thread? This one is getting a little long in the tooth.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 07:07 PM

Noreen's just feeling a little croquettish.

Sage heads over to the coldest doorway in the establishment, pushes it open and plunges her hand into the snow piled up beside the stoop. "Ah! I knew some far-sighted Northwesterner left his cider on the porch to cool!" She carries this over to the bar, leaving the next obvious pun to someone else to drop on the room.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 06:49 PM

Did someone mention drink?????

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Cllr
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 05:19 PM

that was truly awful Noreen truly awful, now i need another drink

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Leadfingers
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 05:18 PM

And when the weather is this bad who cares about how old or how vintage the fortified red wine is? Havent you heard the expression 'Any Port in a Storm'? But I do have a litre of Duty Free Malt whisky for New Years Eve

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Noreen
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 04:51 PM

Salmon Chanted evening...

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 02:51 PM

?? Who's gonna wait for GREENWICH time? I figger we start the Salmon Celebration (Cealmon Salebration?) somewhere in the early part of NEW ZEALAND time...

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Noreen
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 02:30 PM

Oh-K, I'll contribute my smoked mackerel paté, fresh from the bread bin!
Just guard it from the Bailey's-sodden kittys for a while, at least, eh?
So, we'll celebrate every 4 mins for 24 hrs? Who's keeping score?

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 02:04 PM

Hmmm. I have a cooler filled with my homemade smoked salmon out in the pickup. I'll bring it in for the celebration, and leave it on the bar. If you WANT to wait until your incremental time celebration to come help yourself, then you can see if any is left. It has been my experience that this stuff is inhaled pretty quickly, so the salmon celebration maybe oughtta happen around Greenwich time.

I am also planning to bring another favorite, sour cream mixed with dry Lipton's onion soup for a dip with Ruffles potato chips. And to offload a few leftovers, there might be a few spritz and krumkaka left over in a cookie tin from Christmas. The elves did such a marvelous job in mending the bar, it seems only suitable to fill it up with food. Here, kitty, let me open that bottle for you.

Barkeep, do you have any sparkling cider back there?

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 01:20 PM

twenty four celebrations! yes! -

Or we could celebrate for EVERY degree, rather then the (average) 15 degrees per time zone? Anyone up for it? (that would be a celebration every (approx) 4 minutes

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Noreen
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 12:56 PM

Which Time Zone's New Year will we celebrate?

All of them??

OK....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 12:17 PM

Oh shit. I wake up only to find myself purified. Now that was some magic trick indeed. I look around the bar and the whole place has been purified. It shines so bright, I have to ask Ray Charles if I can borrow his shades.
Even my harmonicas were spit shined.I believe that elf spit has a little magic itself, because I put a harp to my lips and a strange little ditty flows from it.
I'm going to warm up to play 'Auld Lang Syne' when the timing is right, until then, I have to start all over with that good buzz I had going.
Bartender....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 11:20 AM

Mumm's for me. I will bring my own. And lots of cranberry bread for the duck.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 11:16 AM

Everyone is ralleying around trying to get the ol' placed sorted for the celebrations tomorrow night. The pontefract duck nibbles with his holey beak on the loaf of white sliced bread....and whistles 'best thing since.......sliced bread!!!!'

The bartender has ordered extra crates of the best Port availiable.....Morty, Liz,Micca and catsPHiddle do like their Port also the bottles of Moet to toast the new year at midnight are nicely chilling in the fridge.

It promises to be a great night!!!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: My guru always said
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 09:47 AM

Am saving a bottle of Commanderia for Sunday when I'll be trying out for a place in a girlie ensemble! Can't wait.....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Cllr
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 09:02 AM

Valley prizo thanks (although I prefer the 63 but thats hard to get hold of. Saw a bottle in chichister this weekend only 145 pounds a bottle) Cheers dead horse

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dead Horse
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 08:47 AM

Why would anybody want their bikini waxed?
Must be some surfers expression!
Ports. Right, we got Valley Prizo '79, (a good year) or we got that cheap Japanese stuff, Mirri Machi, 98. What's it to be?

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: My guru always said
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 04:51 AM

A full loaf of White Sliced lies invitingly on the bar.

'There you go me Ducks, must be Christmas! Those luvly elves left all our favourite things after they'd fixed the bar up. Now, what do you want the bread for??????' enquired the Stray, wondering how she was going to get the bottle of Baileys open.......

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Cllr
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 02:07 PM

Hello got any port? Cllr

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Noreen
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 12:59 PM

Small yellow Pontefraction duck awakes, nail holes in beak and webs also mended by shoemaker's elves.
(Wonder if they've done the same for Oakley's parts too?)

Feeling peckish, as ducks are wont to do, hops around on pristine bar: "Got'ny....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: My guru always said
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 12:21 PM

Well-groomed & dusted off the little Tabby on the bar yawns, stretches & looks around for her new-found friends.

'Damn, I've lost them all again..... and just when I was starting to feel at home! Maybe they'll be back for New Year, there's just time for a quick singaround before New Year's Eve. Maybe it was all just a dream.......'

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Gareth
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 09:22 AM

Into the void drifts a tinkling of Morris Bells, as always the Morris Dancers are the last to leave

Correction - Delete Morris Dancers - Insert LtS

Meantime the Chameleons turn a brown, sludgy colour. A learned scientist writes a paper on "The Olefactory Input of Chameleons".

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 07:15 AM

BBrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaapppppppppppppphhhhhhhhh!

that's better... always more effective when there's no background noise...

Silence, decorum and sobriety my arse!!!


BBrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmpppppppppppppppphhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Listen how it tinkles off the tree ornaments... or is that the empties....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Gareth
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 04:33 AM

And with a gentle sigh of escaped air the inflatable sheep settles down, and is rolled up and packed away into storage for the next opening of the Mudcat Tavern.

The Monkey, dressed in its Sailors Uniform departs, it has an inkling to depart for Hartlepool, it's heard that Monkeys can have a swinging time there.

Throats sore and bleeding the Aberflyhalf RFC depart at a swaggering stagger, thier jollility dampened by the thought of post Xmas training sesions, and hoping against hope that the Scrumage Training machine will not continue to win the ball in thier practice sessions. As they depart through the door leading to thier little valley the croaking strains of "Cosher Bailey" fade into the bible black darkness Have you ever saw, Have you ever saw, Have you ever saw, Such a funny thing before ...

Into the void drifts a tinkling of Morris Bells, as always the Morris Dancers are the last to leave

The drays arrive to collect the empties.

Silence, decorum and sobrity settle over the tavern, like Van der Dekker, it exists in its own niche of unreality, awaiting revival when the festivities commence.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Dec 02 - 10:19 PM

Wow! They even shaved my armpits and waxed my legs. Flossed and brushed as well. I haven't been this shevelled in months. Wonder if they would be available for some light house cleaning on a bi-weekly basis???? Would like a bikini waxing for the new year too.

I will have to check with the shoemaker next time I get re-soled or sold or souled...

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dead Horse
Date: 28 Dec 02 - 07:03 PM

Bloody hell! I've woken up in the wrong place!
Get me outa here, and back to the tavern, I left something there....(forget what. Bars open. Staying.)

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Dec 02 - 04:41 AM

Hmmmmmm... wonder if they'd like to come home with me.... I could do with some extra help with the cats and around the house, especially that little one with the hairy chest, the one who listens to the same radio station as me...... bet he'd be good with the pussies.

Have the duct tape and welcome... and if you come back on New Years' Eve, the usual will be in the garden, under the pitsiporum.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: mg
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 10:28 PM

I sure hope they didn't use up all the lye in something so mundane as cleaning, seeing as it could be used in next year's lutefisk, thought the Swedish matron who had been given the chore of chaperoning the young maidens with flammables in their hair.

mg

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 09:47 PM

Sage begins humming softly, almost under her breath, Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream, a song she considered a lullaby from childhood. Stepping carefully toward the main front door, she opens it a crack as a few in the group pick up on the song but then all are lulled into a group power nap. She slides into a comfortable nitch near the coat rack and also drifts to sleep. In through the door creep the Shoemaker's elves, who set quickly to work. They pick up the unconscious duck, cats, monkey, and chameleons on the bar and dust under each then replace them gently. They pull out their little silver hammers and reach into their aprons for hand-cut nails and rapidly repair the bar. Next, feather dusters make a circuit of the room, followed by brooms and dustpans to remove loose bits of debris. The tree is given a good shake to removed loose shakes, needles and bits of wattle and daub from the damaged walls, then the ornaments are repaired and replaced on each branch. The kitchen is also visited, with a heavy influence of green soap and lye as the entire establishment is given a going-over previously unimagined by any of the sleep-drugged human occupants. Indeed, the humans are the final task for the elves, as those in the messiest condition have a little pixie dust thrown their way to straighten their disheveled apparel.

Knowing that a tip might well be offered by the customers, many now childlike in their sleep, the elves each help themselves to some of MMario's auroch and a roll each of Liz the Squeak's duct tape, left over from her early adventures in the tavern john. They depart merrily into the sweet-smelling night, knowing the revellers (who possess quite a bit of magic of their own) are all set to celebrate the New Year. Mmario and the barkeep begin to rouse first, and turn to tend their meat and drink for the stirring revellers.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 06:28 PM

But the place is a WRECK!    Maybe we need to phase it into a new incarnation for New Years and Hogmany - then celebrate Old Christmas and Epiphany too!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 05:59 PM

Come on you lot, Christmas isn't over for another 9 days yet!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dead Horse
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 07:22 AM

I see the whist drivers are back, and trumps are in the air.
(goes over to corner, hangs sou'wester over web-cam)
Chameleons having settled down to a mahogany hue, are now flicking their tongues out in turn, playing at catching bar flies. Morti appears to be the favourite target.
There is a knocking at the front door, then a bunch of hoodeners enter, saying.........
Here comes bludger and his motley crew,
They've come to see what they can screw out of you.
Open your wallet, dig into your pocket,
Then we'll be off, just like a rocket.

It may not be traditional, but it is blessedly short. Not at all like a mummers play, really.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 02:56 AM

There was the most delicious sound in the air... The band in the corner petered out to a gentle harmonic, even Morty looked up from her Baileys, and Liz stopped chomping on the sprout sandwich.....

Suddenly, it felt as if someone had opened a window onto heaven, the air freshened, the sweet pine scent of the tree overpowered the fug of booze, farts and the jello pit.

From far away, there came the sound of an ancient clock, chiming with the sound of silver bells, midnight. The duck, the chameleons and the donkey turn to the east, kneel down, and the air is filled with light from a source no-one can tell.

'Blessings on you all' they say, 'even you with the orange sauce'.

Like the realisation that it's end of term or free drinks at the bar, every face is smiling, serene or beautiful.

Gaudete, Gaudete, Christus est natus, Ex Maria, virgine. Gaudete!

Pax vobiscum

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Dec 02 - 02:44 PM

Sage looked up, with a niggling little feeling, like she almost just remembered something--it was like a scene from a Jack Benny movie--The Horn Blows at Midnight, sans the coffee cup.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 02 - 02:21 PM

It was time. More than time, in fact. He took out The Trumpet.

This one was midnight blue, with silver -- stars, were they? -- in the bell. This one you couldn't hardly keep in sight; it tended to vanish with vision, like something seen only in the corner of the eye.

He put it to his lips, then put in a mute and blew one crystal clear note. It hung in the air like a star.

No one noticed.

The quiet man put the trumpet away, muttering to himself, "No, it's not time yet. I'll let Gabe do it; it's his job after all."

He looked over the crowd again, and sighed, "They do a lot more good than ill. And this planet needs all the good it can get."

He picked up The Trumpet, pulled the mouthpiece, and put both back into his pack. He drained the Talisker, shook his head indulgently, and with a faint "pop" vanished, leaving in the air only a "Merry Christmas and Peace On Earth" shimmering like thousands of tiny stars.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dead Horse
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 08:33 PM

Xmas calypso music eminating from the bar.(the bar where Messers Sue,Grabbit & Runne, Solicitors & Commissioners of bloody oaths practise, no doubt.)
As for the rogering, look mate, she's my wife, I have to, fer gawds sake. Wots your excuse?
Seein' as how we is singin' agin', an' we got a theme of *whisky*, I reckon I might do a shanty if only I could think of one...............
nope. Don't suppose there can be any, seein' as how all sailors was tea total.
I dreamed a dream, the other night
Tea bags, Tea bags away, my John
Make me a cup, and make it white
My Tea bags, haa-way

Now, don't forget to warm the pot,
Tea bags, Tea bags away, my John
I likes it warm, but not too hot
My Tea bags, haa-way

And there's more where that came from, so let that be a warning.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 09:33 AM

(aside) Lovely, Mary. Thank you.

Now back to the frivolities.

      To My Duck

"There were three little ducks
And they did go
Wibble Wobble Wibble Wobble
Down to the pond.
But the one little duck
With a feather on his back
He'd lead the others
With a "Quack quack quack"

If the ocean were whiskey
And I was a duck,
I would dive to the bottom and never come up.
But the ocean ain't whiskey
And I ain't no duck
So I'll drink the Jack Daniels
And not give a ...

Yellow bird
Up high in the Christmas tree.
Yellow bird
Escaping the reverie.
Would you like some Dew?
It's my favorite brew.
It's from Tennessee
Where the grass is blue
And the banjo rules
And a twang is cool.
They are more lucky than we.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 09:12 AM

From:Sue,Grabbit & Runne, Solicitors & Commissioners of bloody oaths.
To: Mr Equine Deceased
Re: Allegations made against our client Roger aka The Skiffler, hereinafter referred to as the party of the first part (second hand and worn out parts)
My client feels your allegations are an unjustified slur on your lovely lady wife, Kay, aka Clogs of Fire, but flattering in regard to his own appeal to, and performance with, the opposite sex, so could you please publicise them as widely as possiblt to enhance his street cred down the day centre and NYCFTTS.
Yours etc...

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dead Horse
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 05:37 AM

Bugger the duck. (ooh er)
It's them chameleons I feel sorry for. (no flies on them!)
Could you all sing faster, please, because they are re-running WW2 on the tele and I want to see how it turns out.
We might lose this time, so as to be eligible for reconstruction money.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 02:18 AM

But what happened to the duck?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: mg
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 01:39 AM

and here is what they sang

Jesus our King kind and good was humbly born in a stable of wood
And the lowly beasts around him stood Jesus our King kind and good
I said the donkey shaggy and brown I carried his mother up and down
I carried his mother to Bethlehem town I said the donkey shaggy and brown
I said the ox this was my hay I gave him my manger twas here that he lay
I gave him my manger twas here that he lay I said the ox this was my hay
(I said the sheep with pearly horn I gave him my wool for a blanket warm
He wore my coat on Christmas morn I said the sheep with pearly horn)
I said the dove from the rafters high I sang him to sleep that he would not cry
We sang him to sleep my love and I I said the dove from the rafters high
And so every heart by some good spell in the stable dark was glad to tell
Of the gift they he gave to Emanuel of the gift that he gave to Emanuel

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 01:24 AM

Detecting a lull in the crowd as they all seem to slip into catatonia, the animals creep out from under the tree or climb down from atop it. They assemble on the remaining portion of the bar and sit quietly, listening to a few low voices as they discuss breaking into song. . .

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 08:21 PM

Sorry, thought I was doing bass... not had enough gin for that....

shall we try again? And baggsy I get to sing the line about the angel of the Lord giving them all a scrub...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dave Swan
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 07:52 PM

Tony, you've saved Sherburne for me. New meaning. A genuine smile when I sing it. Thanks fo rhte Christmas present.
Cheers,
D

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 07:29 PM

Drunken voice at the back of the room says, whoever organised this orgy shoulda be crucified......

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Leadfingers
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 07:16 PM

To the tune of Ilkley Moor BahT'at

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Yorkshire Tony
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 06:18 PM

I can probably handle the Bass part. Camo can do the descants. Now how did it go:

While shepherds washed their socks by night all seated on the ground
The Angle of the Lord came down and paid for pints all round.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Cluin
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 06:08 PM

Yeah, but what's the soundtrack like for that movie, Dead Horse?