BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 06:20 PM

Has anyone seen my copy of 'Preparing the Obscure Wild Game for the Holidays'

It's about the size of an unabridged OED - leather bound with a wild Wassail embossed on the front cover. I need to check the seasoning for Hogmanny roast.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 06:16 PM

Well there we are, Me , Noreen, Liz and Morticia propping up the bar and waiting for the evenings entertainment to begin after the place has been fumigated after 'spaw entered, farted and left when Oakley and Skipjack enter and begin dancing.....exotic dancing and removing their clothing in a ....well....you are all there!!.....Interesting eveing entertainment and not bad to watch either!!!.....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 06:05 PM

...The Cappucin, sensing a tremor of distress in the ethereal vibes to which his kind are sensitive, looks up the tree and sees the wee Morticia stuck from a branch, pine needles drifitng into sensitive places...and in a burst of trans-species generosity, he leaps up the limbs and assists her off her perch, helping her gently to the floor, from which she makes a slightly dizzy path to the bar, seeking remedial tonics of various colors and names....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Morticia
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 06:01 PM

You know, this is the second year I've spent stuck up a tree, takes me months to get the pine needles out of me drawers and I can't reach the bar....oh,that was the general idea? I see.

This is blatant size-ism, and even if I AM the shortest adult member of Mudcat, it's still not fair....what about Dave the Gnome? Bet he'd look lovely up here, and the view is good, specially of the jello pit.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 05:58 PM

Not on the tree...but I did spend the afternoon making wreaths from the cut-off boughs of my charliebrown Christmas tree. You can hang one of them on the door!

I second the 'Where was she at the bachelor party'! It was mighty cramped in that cake, a toycar woulda fit a lot better in there!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 05:53 PM

Whooosh, from fozen to fast, in a mudcat mini! Time to slow down a bit, I think. Fiddle solo coming up, the lovely Southwind.......just listen and catch your breath. Any new goodies on the tree?

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 05:49 PM

..but it is too late, and the comely lass is soon sending empty beer bottles in every direction, whirling and tapping, her skirt swinging just high enough as she steps to leave MMario's jaw near the floor and his eyes looking like Auroch Saucers, fixed on the occasional glimpse of bloomers in the swirling rhythm. And the wild fiddle and guitar combo in the background swiongs from "Frankie" into "Uncle Joe, Uncle Joe", which heats the room up even more and starts a rich wafting atmosphere of whiskey, sweat, Guiness, jello and raw pheremones breezing from table to table and accelerating the rich spirit of the evening.

A

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 04:48 PM

The drunk lifts his head up from the puddle of spilled Guiness..."Watch out, Mario," he says. Don't ya know jail bait when ya see it?" His head falls back down again.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 04:44 PM

Ragtime? As in Scott Joplin???? Nah, let's do Frankie and Johnnie......in D, as you go..........

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 04:26 PM

now where was she at Joe's Bachelor party?

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 04:18 PM

Mytoycar -- go for it!!!

Ragtime tunes coming up!!

"...He treat me low down an' dirty,
He boun' to reap jes' what he done sowed..."

A

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 04:15 PM

Whiskey anytime!

oh - she meant the song. I'm sorry.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: mytoycar
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 04:13 PM

i can table dance if you want me to

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 04:05 PM

Hey, I found this battered old silver thing, looks a bit like it was once a flute... though I don't remember a flute with 5 ends..... if we give it to the monkey, he could maybe put it up on the tree, like a star...

It would sure give Morticia a break, I don't think she's very comfortable up there with that branch up her .. erm.... leg.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 03:50 PM

Love is a star that will not shine
Til the hour of your return.
And I count the days in cups of wine,
And the candles I have burned...."

The stranger plucks the Dreadnought's baritone range and sings quietly across the evening chatter, noticing, across the frosted parking lot and past the shadowed branches of the guarding tree beyond, the faint glimmer of a rising star penetrating the long dark and frozen night without.


He winks at the Fiddler and her precious sweet instrument across the floort, and they break into the "Florida Blues" at an outrageous clip, just as though it was planned... .

The Capuccin wakes up from the hearth corner, and sopmewhat sleepily seeks the coat-tails of his companion's jacket, and makes his way up to his favorite shoulder, where he crouches smilling quietly at the noise and motion around, and sways and waves in time to the blood-warming rhythms, as the long evening gallops on into the unknown.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 03:39 PM

Bare-chested man in a MacGregor kilt bursts in and looks around. Spying the tree, he says "Annie, me luv!" and grabs the inflatable sheep. Clutching it protectively, he runs back out into the night.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dead Horse
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 03:34 PM

"Yeah, that tree could do with some tartin' up" (brings forth plastic inflateable sheep from under his sou'wester) "Somebody hang this critter on the topmost twig, I rescued the varmint from the last orgy, figured it would come in usefull"

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 03:28 PM

Oh, they are decorating a tree! Let me see here (digging through Maggies belongings.....) AHA! Just the thing, a tiny little leather mouse, oh, I still have 2 of them. Great! One for the tree and one for the kitty!

I think I am starting to thaw, but not to the point of Blackberry Jam. Looks like these good folk need a rousing round of Whiskey Before Breakfast...............

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 03:19 PM

Who you calling a noisy broad...? Let me tie you to a stall in the ladies and see how YOU like staring at arses all month..

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 03:03 PM

The little man in the corner finishes his rendition of "Oh Holy Night" on the air bodhran and looks around. It appears that a lot has been going on while he has been concentrating. There aren't any more vile screeches coming out of the ladies can, so it looks like somebody finally got that noisy broad out...and who is that charming waif playing the fiddle?

He wanders over to the bar, wondering what happened to the topless barmaid that supposedly got hired, and asks for a can of Old Frothingslosh, the pale stale ale with the foam on the bottom. The bartender says "I thought I'd heard of everything, but that's a new one on me." "How about a Mackesons, then?" he says. "Excellent choice," the bartender replies. "I can tell that you're not taken in by the ads for that nasty black crap from New Jersey, that claims to be from Ireland."

He takes his pint and goes to look at the tree. "Appears a little bare yet" he says, taking a bright yellow nose flute out of his Levis pocket and hanging it on a low branch. The contented little cat looks up from her peacock liver pate' and starts it swinging with a bat from one paw.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 02:32 PM

"oooo, where am I? I may not be the Frozen Logger, but I sure am the Frozen Fiddler. Let me see my Maggie darling!! Is she alright?"

"Oh, Maggie, hon, a new set of strings and you will be good as new!
What about me fingers, MissKat? Are they OK? Will I be able to play again? Otherwise, you will all just have to pay me not to sing........"

"Is that roast auroch and mulled wine I smell? Oh, please, could I have some? And what was that vile stuff some strange man was pouring down my throat? Nassssssssty, nasssssssty stuff."

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 02:09 PM

Hope the cat enjoys the Bailey's...yup - there's still enough left for Liz! Great!

okay - celery seed, sage, marjarom - check, check, check...

dammit - how am I going to keep the WINE hidden until I can add that!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 02:03 PM

Phew... sure is a relief to get out of that damn toilet.... now.. who's gonna help a girl to a pint of Baileys? And one for my best buddy Morty....

I'd pay myself, but having been tied to the stalls since August, I think I may have missed a few days at work....   Oh, and that last stall on the left? I'd give it a few minutes if I were you.

Hang on... GEEZ!!! Did I miss Spaw? Sure smells like it... and I thought that last stall on the left was bad.. No-body light anything!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: My guru always said
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 01:58 PM

As the fiddle picks up the tempo everyone in the room breathes again & the tension fades away.

The nameless moggie gets down off her hackles & her fur starts to flatten. Delicately she sniffs the air.... 'peacocks liver, hmmm.... and cream if I'm not mistaken! Wonder if there's any rum or chocolate in it? Those truffles last Christmas were just heavenly....'

As the music soars the stray peeps out from under the tree and judges the distance to the cream. 'Well, I'd better get to it before the monkey gets there first...'

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 01:42 PM

Being a person of strange and mysterious powers, I knelt down to help the poor fiddler-woman to her feet. The snow melted around us as I filled her with indescribable warmth. I gave her one of my Cheshire cat grins and helped her up the stairs to the door of the mangy looking revellers' retreat. I was tempted to wave my magic wand and tune up the instruments and voices, but then remembered the Venerable One's admonition: Do not mess with the natural order of things...let sleeping dogs lie, shrill voices sing, off-colour jokers abide...snow melting is okay in small areas...brewing up some extra special vile black stuff is acceptable only in an emergency or when you are asked for a miracle. The VO droned on in my head. I knew there was one things I could do without any requests; I could set that mog under the tree up for life. I could also redeem the life of the mog in the stew by making those who contributed to it and ate it sicker than their worst sick dog, worse then their worst hangover, so bad that they would rue the day they ever thought to malign the Sacred Craychures!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 01:27 PM

THe Stranger strode to the door in three swift steps and swung it open. In short order, the frostbitten newcomer was seated in front of a chortling fire, a tall snifter of five-star brandy in her trembling paw, and her wrists and fingers were being vigorously rubbed by a variety of comely warm-blooded administrators. THe color came back into her cheeks and she actually smiled.

"Hey maybe it's not that bad after all...", she thought, as the brandy began seeping through her blood/brain barrier. Not so bad at all....".

SHortly, Maggie's case was open, and the laughing call of a lively fiddle pouring out a quick-step dance tune was making toes tap and heads nod and jaws grin the length and the breadth of the Christmas Tavern.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 01:25 PM

Anyone hear something at the door? could someone

*okay - the sausage recipe calls for a head of garlic per kilo of meat - , your average aurochs dresses out about 1000 kilo. Shite! Maybe I can get someone to peel them for me...*

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 01:08 PM

In the distance a lone figure struggles against the blizzard. Up close can be heard vile mutterings. "Bloody effing snow. Bloody effing car. Fine time to leave me".

"Just who made the Law about White Christmas, anyway? I'd like to hang Irving Berlin up by the balls."

Her only protection from the fierce blizzard is a fiddle case. It is barely adequete to block the wind and snow from her eyes.

"Basta, what am I going to do if my fingers freeze? Be just my luck that dear Maggie will freeze and split right in two. How in blue blazes am I supposed to earn my keep then? Sing? Nah, nobody lets me sing.....WAIT a minute. I could sing one, then they would pay me not to sing!! THAT'S IT!!"

Through the swirling snow appears a small tar paper shack.
"Well, at least it will be out of the wind if I can make it there" She continues stumbling on near frozen feet. There might be a crack of light at the bottom of the door; the blizzard is too strong to tell. HOPE SPRINGS ANEW!! Only 8 more yards to the Mudcat Tavern.

Alas, she stumbles and falls, fingers just scraping the door of Salvation. Falling, she protects the precious Maggie with her body.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 12:05 PM

....as the drunk lifted his head up from the puddle of spilled Guiness and forced his eyes back into focus, he spotted the needlepoint sampler on the wall behind the bar:

So.... We ain't Herman fuckin' Melville and this damn sure ain't Moby fuckin' Dick!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 11:54 AM

*puts a saucer of cream down for the cat*

oh HECK! it's almost Christmas...I'm going to add a real treat...

*puts down a plate of chopped peacock liver*

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 11:53 AM

Hey, was that Spaw I saw leaving? Jeeeze, that guy is downright unneighborly!! So who's tending the bar? Any more of that brown stuff in the back?   Tell ya boys, it has been one helluva year all things considered. Damndest bronc ride I ever took. But it's settling out okay -- we got those CDs out and that seems to be working out okay, huh -- beautiful music. And TGG's back on her feet and has acquired Mandolin skills, as well as her prior art knocking 'em dead on the Celestial Spheres. Hey, who's that hippy with the Indian and the Silvertone? He plays pretty good!


A

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Morticia
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 11:51 AM

NOOOOOOOOooooooooohhhhh, don't try it, he didn't mean it....KABOOOM....oh dear.Well, the moggie doesn't look much worse....sorry, kitty.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 11:42 AM

As 'Spaw left the bar everyone was holding their noses and their breath. K-e-r-i-s-t said the man in ther corner "That guy only comes in here to fart - at least with two dimensional flatulence you can roll it up and put it on the fire".

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 11:17 AM

Well I thought i'd drop in and see how things were going and.........uh, where is everybody anyway?.........What the hell is up here?.............Ah, Mario!!! ................Geez man, I thought the place was deserted......kinda' weird because I see all these people supposedly around here and yet all I really see when I get here are cardboard cut-outs from these sillyass third person musings!!!! What the fuck is that anyway? ...............Say what? Oh........Well okay..................."The Spaw stands around for a few minutes in third person and leaves................"

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: My guru always said
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 10:59 AM

Whiskas a-quiver and with tail held high, the bedraggled tabby slid through the open door and stared at the curious throng within.

'Hey, is that an Aurochs being set to sizzle. I ain't quite sure what that is but it smells like it might be edible one day. Guess I'll just hang around till it's time to eat' thinks she....

The air warms her fur, melting the snow which starts to puddle around her paws. She moves on, slowly, cautiously investigating the Tavern's inhabitants, ears pricked for sudden movements. Humans haven't been the friendliest folks she's known & that monkey has a strange gleam in his eye....

Reaching the cover of the tree she breathes once more & begins to groom, spitting out the twigs and other 'jewellery' she's accumulated on her long cold journey to this place.

She teases a small pine cone from her tail, it becomes lodged among the inner branches of the tree where it will never be noticed.

Dry and warm she allows herself to relax a little in her safe haven under the tree. Curling up comfortably she keeps a watchful eye on the folks in the bar....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 09:46 AM

"S-h-i-t-e" wails the barkeep, "These godamme townies - Thermostat - the only thermostat we got is how fast you can chop them logs and stuff 'em into the boiler !"

Having managed to restore her dignity (and volumous draws) the woman eyes the old packet rat - "Why didn't you ask earlier, honey" she drawls "It's the first time I've managed to get these bloomers back on for three days an I sure ain't taking 'em off now till they need changin' an'that won't be fer at least a week". She picks up the bag and drags out a dead cat - "Here's sometin fer the stewpot" she shouts an chucks it to the barkeep who commences to skin it. The old man in the corner is heard to say "Why didn't I think of that - I've been trying to get shot of it ever since I left Harlow".

The door opens and in oozes Kate the belle of the bar. She suddenly notices the old packet rat. "Jeezus Ahab" she says "they told me you'd been wrecked - and now that I see you - I can see you still are".

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 09:24 AM

frineds don't let frineds smoke sober!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 09:22 AM

Well, MM, people are gonna ask what you've been smoking...but what's alittle embarassment between frineds, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 08:53 AM

Would anyone mind if I converted the sauna into a smokehouse? I don't have time to barbecue the aurochs - but if I make sausage of it there's still time to smoke it...

oh - and I'm sorry; I've co-opted the hot tub to do the boiled puddings - (amazing how hot you can get those things if you reset the thermostats!)

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dead Horse
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 08:12 AM

"I miss that ol' spitton, too. And the peanuts!"
Looks around surruptitiously, still can't see wife. "I'm on the lookout for female rodents"
There is a squeek from behind the bar.
"Aha! And how would you like to make an old Packet Rat very happy, m'dear?"

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 06:42 AM

An old guy with beard and glasses stumbles in through the door, he has a back-packer guitar over one shoulder and a bag with a cat's tail sticking out of it over the other. "Gimmee a big shot of shine with a Marmite top" he rasps. The bartender looks through the jumbled selection of fly-blown bottles of Tabasco, Bovril, shrub, ketchup and other strange concoctions piled at the back of the bar - "Cain't find no Marmite" he says. The old man coughs and spits - missing the spittoon and scoring a direct hit on the desperate looking woman crawling out of the ladies bog, "Shite, you'm as bad as the folks at Harlow - try looking over there with the jam". The bartender finds it and spoons a big dollop of dark brown goo into the shine which starts to smoke ominously. The old man takes his drink to a corner table and tries to surrepticiously toss the bag into the ladies bog, only to knock the spittoon all over the woman who has managed to get to her feet and is trying to pull up her draws.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Dead Horse
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 05:06 AM

In staggers a swarthy (love that word, must look it up in my OE sometime) old seadog. He heads directly for the bar, not passing GO.
"I've just come to apologise for last time" he says. After filling his tankard with Smooth Flow Sloe Gin, delivered from a converted soda syphon, he turns to the assembled mob and enquires if anyone has seen his missus. "Clad in purple she was, feet always tapping, never still for a minute - I just popped out for a sec, and she was gone again." Turning back to the bar, he exclaims "What! No peanuts!" "Does anybody know how to make a blue clicky to find some?"

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Chip2447
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 04:37 AM

The rather large, long haired, brindle bearded Mudcatter dressed in the ancient Pea coat hobbles in. Muttering to himself something about the damn cold weather and old tired bones.
    "I'fn there is any of it left mull me up a tankard of that BARBARIAN MAGIC cyser that I left the last time I was by."
    He took his tankard, fed about 20 Sackies into the Jukebox and headed for a booth in the back. Stopping long enough at the Tree he pulled a small object from his coat.
    "Damn, someone beat me to it, I thought I was the official ocarina geek. Ah well, another little one wont hurt." He hangs another ocarina on the tree.
    As he passes by the folks in the Tavern he raises his glass to each and every one, offers a hand to all assembled, an intoduction to all that dont know him, and best wishes for the Solstice to all.
    Shucking his coat, he slides into the booth, turning sideways he puts his back to the wall and props up the bad leg on the bench...
    When his turn comes around he'll play a tune on one of his ocs, something that tells how he feels about this place..."Simple gifts".


Chip2447

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 03:57 AM

...Sounds of "Silent Night" played (very badly) on the kazoo, waft in from the sidewalk. The door bursts open and the Skiffler is thrown in by some angry charity Santas. "Stop scaring away our custom".
Picks himself up, dusts himself down, with as much dignity as a man with sawdust all over his face can, and lurches to the bar.
"A small glass of Aristotle's Revenge, as it's Xmas, please barkeep, and perhaps a mince pie". Climbs on the stool at the third attempt and watches the antics of the other patrons with an indulgent eye before going to sleep with his head on the bar.
Wakes up with a jerk (no, not you, 'Spaw) and fixes barkeep with a bleary eye. "I've had a bad day". He announces. "I was goin' to write a great novel. I ordered a word processor. They sent me a food processor instead. I lost three fingers trying to write the first sentence....and the crime in my part of town is dreadful. I got fed up of having my car stolen or vandalised so I bought a horse. Went out next morning and found the damn thing up on bricks."
Nods off again despite shower of beermats being thrown at his head.
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 03:56 AM

[MEEBS RIDES AGAIN!!!!!!


Wooooow!!!]

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Matt_R
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 12:14 AM

The chump with the USMC field jacket, porkpie hat and black electric with spiderweb strap plugs in the amp and sing for anyone who cares.

Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?
It's the time that every Santa has a ball
Does he ride a red nosed reindeer?
Does he turn up on his sleigh?
Do the fairies keep him sober for a day?

So here it is,
Merry Christmas,
Everybody's having fun,
Look to the future now
It's only just begun

Are you waiting for the family to arrive?
Are you sure you've got the room to spare inside?
Does your Granny always tell you
That the old songs are the best,
Then she's up and rock 'n' rollin' with the rest...

So here it is,
Merry Christmas,
Everybody's having fun,
Look to the future now
It's only just begun

Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?
Are you hoping that the snow will to start to fall?
Do you ride on down the hillside
In a buggy you have made?
When you land upon your arse then you've been slayed.

So here it is,
Merry Christmas,
Everybody's having fun,
Look to the future now
It's only just begun

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Dec 02 - 12:08 AM

In thru the open door stepped a large gent with bright red hair. "Bless me!" he cried, putting a ragged dollar bill on the bar. After quaffing his extra large Irish Coffee, made with thick cream and genuine Kona coffee, in one long, satisfying glug, he stepped forward and said "Here's to Mudcat!" and threw his mug into the fireplace. Satisfied, he turned and walked out into the night. "Who was that?", an onlooker said. "If you have to ask, you don't need to know" someone replied. A hush settled down over the pub.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 02 - 11:13 PM

And the evening progressed.....

More 'Catters arrived, bringing ornaments for the tree: an ocarina, a pair of 0.18 gauge Dunlop fingerpicks, a tuning fork, a pair of hammer dulcimer hammers.... Each ornament was placed with care, a libation was drawn and the new arrivals joined the folks already gathered around the woodstove. A few other pickers pulled out guitars to join the guy with the old Silvertone and they all began singing Christmas carols.

They were midway through "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" when a short male figure walked in through the front door. At first, he appeared to be yet another merrymaker come in from the cold, until he walked up to the bar, pulled his wallet from his trouser pocket and flashed a badge at the bartender.

"Constable Pusslegut, from the license enforcement bureau," he announced, "and you lot are in a world of shit! I count at least four people in here playing musical instruments, five or six more singing, and the rest are vigorously tapping their feet and swaying in a manner that could be construed as dancing. And this establishment has no license for public performances! What do you have to say for yourselves?"

The bartender drew himself up to his not inconsiderable full height, looked the little man squarely in the eye and replied, "I say 'Bugger off, dickweed'."

"What?", the constable shouted in amazement that someone would talk to him in that fashion, "You can't talk to me in that fashion! I'm a representative of the Queen's law."

"Not around here, you're not!", the bartender replied with a knowing smirk. "Your authority is only recognized on one island that only exists in the real world. Not only are you not on that island, you're not even in the real world! You're in the Mudcat Tavern, moron!"

"You mean...."

"Yes, ya idjit! If ya don't believe me just step back through the front door and then turn around."

And Constable Pusslegut did precisely that. He walked back out the front door and, when he reached the parking lot and turned around the Tavern had disappeared.

"Well I'll be damned!", he said as he started to walk away.

It was at precisely that moment that the worthy constable stepped in a very large slimey llama turd, slipped, and fell squarely on his bottom with a resounding thud. The llama turd had lain in wait for just such and opportunity ever since the night a couple of months earlier when some brainless banjo player had mistakenly allowed a circus to set up in the lot behind the Tavern. (Everybody knows the circus belongs in the chatroom, not the Tavern.)

Meanwhile, back in the Tavern, the Mudcatters resumed singing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" just as they had been doing before the rude and untimely interuption.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 02 - 10:34 PM

The stranger picks up the Silvertone and blows the dust off the strings and tuners. Listening carefully, he detects certain true notes mixed among the shrill giggles and screams of outrage emanating from the Ladies', and uses these milliseconds of precision amidst the chaos to tune the old instrument perfectly, and begins strumming a quiet, cheerful tune....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT CHRISTMAS TAVERN '02
From: Alice
Date: 09 Dec 02 - 10:20 PM

Alice enters the tavern, years having passed since her last visit. The long stem of a red rose clenched between her teeth, she slides a black net gloved hand along the edge of the bar, barely lifts the skirt of her long burgundy velvet gown to show a black Spanish leather shoe... the rose delicately removed from her lips..."anyone for Tango?" she asks.

"How about a cookie," offers Sinsull.

"Tempting..." Alice replies, "but I was hoping mary garvey would be here with Stevia cheesecake. She promised me the recipe when we were in the Mudchat room. I went out to the food co-op today and bought several types of Stevia just for the recipe..."