derrymacash has left the building

Subject: derrymacash has left the building
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 07:42 AM

Not that most people will give a toss, I know, but the mudcatter previously known as derrymacash has decided to abandon his former handle and will instead use his real name.

(Which will not, of course, deter him from using aliases in threads such as the Drumcree ones!)

From this point forth he shall be known to mudcatters - as he is known to the rest of the world (for better or worse) - as Aidan Crossey.

If you would like to join me in welcoming him to the Mudcat, then feel free to leave kind messages here.

Or unkind messages.

Or complete and utter irrelevancies.

Slán go fóill.

Aidan Crossey
(formerly derrymacash)

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 07:45 AM

Did you know that a sloth can regenerate it's skin?

Spaw

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 07:54 AM

Spaw ...

Is that an unkind message or a complete and utter irrelevancy?

(Or am I to be left to decide ... depending on how paranoid I feel?)

AC

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 08:04 AM

I was wondering how soon it would be before you "came out of the closet" Aidan. Welcome to the Mudcat elite who don't mind using their own names.

There's only one problem for you though - it won't be quite so easy for you to promote Aidan Crossey now !

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 08:06 AM

UNKIND MESSAGE: You are without doubt a miserable pudknocker with the brains of a fockin' eggplant and a smile to match. You sniff your own shoes and even the tinest pissant in the universe has more personality.

UTTER IRRELEVANCY: Dark kidney beans have a thicker skin than light ones.

Does that help you decide on my previous post?

Spaw

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Allan C.
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 08:25 AM

Seventeen percent of all crickets are left-footed.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 08:32 AM

I figure if you are consistant in your usage any name is "real"

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 08:44 AM

Spaw ...

Your unkind words are so ... poetic. Surely before someone could take umbrage at such eloquent vilification they'd have to congratulate you heartily on your exuberant verbosity! Personally, I'd be flattered to be the subject of such a literate tirade. (Shit! I probably will be the subject of such a tirade at some point. Few escape Spaw's occasional(!) bubble-bursting, pomposity-scourging sorties ... Strike that "Personally I'd be flattered ..." remark from the record!)

Dave ...

Didn't think of that wee drawback. Ah ... to hell with it! I'll find a way. Where there's a will and all that.

Aidan

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 08:48 AM

Thanks for letting us know -- now we'll bever be taken in by imitators (or flatterers either).

A

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Áine
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 09:52 AM

Well, 'Spaw -- I'm gonna have to take umbrage on Aidan's behalf here, don't ya know -- a cupla corrections to your unique vilifications are cryin' to made:

1) 'brains of a fockin' eggplant' -- as everyone should know, if you're addressing an Irish man from the North, 'fockin' should be spelled 'fookin' to indicate the correct pronunication of the word . . .

and

2) 'even the tinest pissant in the universe has more personality' just doesn't have the true Irish mother's guilt-inducing, '. . . and you don't have the brains God gave an ant, do ya?'

There endeth the lesson ;-)

Oh, and Aidan, I'll call you whatever you want me to; but, you'll always be mo chara chóir to me. (And I'll never call ya late for supper, I promise!).

Le meas is grá, Áine

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 10:20 AM

Phew! I read the thread title and thought you were a goner! At least sworn off the Mudcat. Damn it all, we are obviously stuck with you and I have to admit I am damn glad of it!

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Ireland's Best Kept Secret, Musician Extraordinaire, Aidan Crossey! He can pick 'em, he can twang 'em, he can belt 'em, he can swoon 'em...he can sing the most profane of lyrics and make your heart swell with the beauty of the tune and delivery. Ah, go on, now, ya can, too! Who else could do "Fuck the Irish" and make it sound so beautiful?!

For every one pebble set on edge in the Colorado River, there are a gazillion which sit flat on their asses, waiting for a rough and tumble.

kat

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 10:34 AM

Thank you Aine......I just go with what I know and the Dago comes through first. Are the Irish big on eggplant? I guess another veggie would have been better too huh?

Actually, can you imagine an Italian talking to an Irishman? LOL.....completely hopeless........Almost as bad as when I went to Maine and spent 15 minutes trying to converse with this policeman....We ended up writing notes back and forth!

Spaw

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: ard mhacha
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 11:42 AM

And you a bloody good Tonesman, what a fine noble city Derrymacash, land of the pidder and pollen, and mud-torf that boorn all day, and you shred the name, its a sad day. Ard Mhacha.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 12:10 PM

Forgive me, ard mhacha ... I hang my head in shame before your venerableness ... a chastisement from the sage of Freecrow is a hard burden to carry. But, as the man says, what's done's done and fuck the begrudgers. Here's to a new life on the oul' cat under my given name ...

Up the Tones!

And go on, donkey ...

Aidan

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Micca
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 12:19 PM

Spaw, it would probably be a Turnip, rather than an eggplant...
Aiden, welcome, welcome, having heard you play, I would say, never mind the handle its the Music that speaks for yez.. Micca, who really is called Micca (most of the time)

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Elvis
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 12:27 PM

And here was me thinkin' your name was Bush Shields. Oh be Jaysus there's the quare goin's on in this place. Thank Christ I only go be the name the Mammy give me. Here... get aff ah me blue suede shoes...aye you big lad...see you...

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Den
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 12:29 PM

Course that should have read Brush Shields oops... Den who goes by his too.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Matthew Edwards
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 03:36 PM

Ten tunes to mark the occasion:-

Farewell to Derrymacash
An Aidan Once Again
The Humours of Crossey
Really The Real Aidan Reel
The Bard Of Our Ma
Eel and Toe Polka
Lament for Drumcree
Fast and Furious Fugues For Pleasant Pluckers
The Lewisham Rant
Mrs Crossey's Favourite

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 03:50 PM

So it's "Aidan Crossey, the artist formerly known as derrymacash", is it now?

I was like kat opening this, I thought you'd taken umbrage or kicked the bucket.

Welcome out of the closet. As I understand the logistics of the Mudcat though, you can't actually change your name, you have to become a member under the new one - which would mean the old one is still there like a ghost in the machine. If you feel like it you could kick the lights out of each other from time to time, and we can all watch and award points.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 03:57 PM

No - you can change your name -

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 03:58 PM

TOTAL Aside: Why is it that certain subjects, phrases or words cut loose and swim around to everyone simultaneously? I just used 'umbrage' in another thread -not a word I use often- and here- in a thread I hadn't read until this moment- it pops up over and over again. AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 04:01 PM

Response to total aside - evidence points to sub-space continium hyper-ganglionic linkages

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 06:10 PM

Well that's me disappointed, and that's for sure. I thought on readin' thon oul thread name that thon hoor's melt from the Montiaghs was packin' his oul' bag and washin' heez han's uv us.

No sich luck!

Ah well ... we live in hope!

Up the border!

(Min' you we'd be as happy to see the back of thon ard mhacha lachako an' all!)

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 10:11 PM

'ganglionic'. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? Thanks, MMMar.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 11:58 PM

So how exactly is your name pronounced?   A-I_dan? AAEEdan ? Iden ? Ok I'm pondering the pronounce. Help me please because I had a hard enough time reading derrymacash now it's What?

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 02:37 AM

I decided to call my new gold fish Charlie.john

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 04:00 AM

The first syllable's pronounced as in first aid.

Think the Norn Irn country judge putting somebody down for "aidin' uhn abettin'".

AC

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 04:06 AM

"Aidin' uhn abettin'"?

The de'il a word uhv a lie, 'n all.

We all know about youse Montiagh men. If it's not one sort o' devilment an' blackguardry it's anawr.

Gentlemen, ye'd be well-advised to pay not one bit o' heed till a word that comes out of this hallion's gub. Same for any ill-reared gather-up from the Seven Derries. (Apart, that is from some of the good oul' stock in Ardmore.)

Sure, who the hell am I talkin' till? Yiz are all as bad as each awr, butterin' yourselves up! I'm away back to my grave, so I am, where none can torment me.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Bugsy at work
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 05:40 AM

This is, without a doubt, the most captivating thread I have ever slept through.



Cheerzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...


Bugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: ard mhacha
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 05:51 AM

Rustic Rebel is having trouble pronouncing Aidan, where in the World do you live.
The name goes back a long way, Aidan of Lindisfarne was an Irish monk who converted the heathen geordies [Northumbria, north-east England] away back in the 5th century BC.
Anyone from Geordieland or Wearside will tell you that the name is still prominent in that fair part of England, also Aidan is quite common in Ireland, wouldn`t you know, very common. Ard Mhacha.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,The Gurrier
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 07:21 AM

Can somebody waken your man up there above. By the smell of him, I reckon his oul' nappy needs changin'!

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 07:49 AM

I too am surprised that Rustic Rebel cannot pronounce Aiden. Let me help you out.....Phonetically it is "Jah-BLON-ski." Happy to help!

Spaw

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 11:43 AM

Aidan, Last March, I spent an hour and a half scraping marmalade off my opera cape, despite the fact that half of the female dust - mite population in Lincolnshire is completely deaf.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 01:28 PM

Ok today I see it all in a different light. Last night was another story. I was way too loaded to even try and read anything so my apologies to all the great Aiden's out there.
Rustic (sobered up)

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: InOBU
Date: 11 Jan 03 - 07:24 AM

Spaw! And from now on eggplants will be known as aubergeans, or how ever ya spell them! Aiden old skin, Spaw calls me the plugomatic, no harm in him just beans... that's why we love him... and maybe a wee touch of eggplant. Cheers Larry

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: alison
Date: 12 Jan 03 - 07:56 AM

Isaac???? Isaac???? is that really you..... ye're sposed tae be dead.. an here's me cryin' over ye......

yer nathin' but a connivin'piece a shite .... gettin' me all upset fer nathin!!!! I'll bate yer melt in if I get the houl o'ye!!

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Dead Horse
Date: 12 Jan 03 - 10:06 AM

Are you gonna hold a wake for the Auld Fella?

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 12:56 AM

Aidan, if you're no longer using the perfectly good name of Derrymacash, can I have it, please?
Waste not, want not, you know.
Seamus Kennedy henceforwardly known as Derrymacash.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Hrothgar
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 03:36 AM

Ya lied about bein' dead, McKittery!

Can't trust them bowler hats!

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Paddy Plastique
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 05:02 AM

There's even an Aidan on Arabia's bottom....
Not a nice place to be...
Well, it's 'Aden' Yemen - but pronounced the same

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Mary & Biddy
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 08:41 AM

MARY : Jaysus. But thon Bugsy fella's a right oul' nyarky crayter, isn't he?

BIDDY : He is, in sowl! A rip!

MARY : A rip indeed! A sour oul' glipe!

BIDDY : You've said it there, missus. Sour as gall! And a glipe to boot! But sure what would you expect when he was a gangster as a young fella.

MARY : Was he, by God?

BIDDY : Aye, Bugsy Malone. Sure they made a fillim about him years ago.

MARY : Was it any good?

BIDDY : Ah, now, Mary … I'm no Barry Norman. But it was hardly Citizen Kane, if you know what I mane.

MARY : I think I'm with you. Hardly Casablanca.

BIDDY : You're on the right lines, Mary. Let's just say it was no 2001. (They both ponder, shake heads and tut to themselves for a few seconds.) Mind you, Mary. His sister was a great girl altogether.

MARY : She was?

BIDDY : Aye. Molly, God be good to her. The poor crayter died of a fever when she was still young.

MARY : Could nobody save the poor girl?

BIDDY : Not a one. Thon oul' fever was the end of her.

MARY : Remind me now. What was it she did for a living, again?

BIDDY : A fishmonger. In Dublin. Leastways that was where I first laid eyes on her. You know there's some damn fine healthy weemin in thon oul' Dublin. Anyways. She worked the straight and narrow streets. If a street was half-way crooked, or if there was room for two cars to pass, she wasn't interested. Some voice on her, too. Oh, the golders of her! "Cockles and mussels", she'd roar. "Get your cockles and mussels!" Like a bloomin' fog-horn she was.

MARY : How did she get into thon line?

BIDDY : Sure it was a family affair. Her ma and da were at the same oul' game and she just carried on where they left off.

MARY : Sure it's no wonder.

BIDDY : Divil a bit!

MARY : But they say her oul' ghost can often be seen in them self-same streets she used to work.

BIDDY : I'd say thon was an oul' bit of codology. Ghost, indeed! A drap too much Arthur Guinness, I'd say!

MARY : You could be right, there. But I'm only tellin' what I heard.

BIDDY : You couldn't be up till them oul' ghosts, though, could you?

MARY : You could not. Slippytits the whole ching-bang. I'd give the oul' ghosts a wide berth, Biddy.

BIDDY : The bum's rush, missus.

MARY : Indeed! I'd walk up the awr side of the street if I seen one of them lachakoes coming my way.

BIDDY : And if the oul' street was straight and narrow, you'd see them for a quare distance!

MARY : You would! I'd jewk into the chemists so I would and get myself some corn plasters or a bottle of Magnesia till she'd passed.

BIDDY : You'd be doing the right thing, Mary. Thon oul' ghost poisonin' you to buy mussels aff her!

MARY : Aye! Or a jar of cockles!

BIDDY : You couldn't be up till them, at all! Ah well, there's my bus now. Good luck, now!

MARY : Aye. Safe home, now Biddy.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,The Wild Rover
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 06:17 PM

A bus stop. A stranger sits, chewing a match. Hugh Pat saunters along and joins him.

STRANGER : D'you know what time the next bus is?

HUGH PAT : (eyes the stranger suspiciously) Not from roun' about here, then, are you?

STRANGER : I was once! But I've been glipin' about this many's the year.

HUGH PAT : Oh, aye! Aff makin' your fortune, were you?

STRANGER : A lock o' times over. But I spent the whole damn lot on the booze. Still ... now I'm back, with more money than you could count. That's the ramblin' over, boy!

HUGH PAT : I'm sure!

STRANGER : No. Never again! That's me finished wi' the hoofin'.

HUGH PAT : Good man!

STRANGER : Mind you. See when I got back! I went to this wee pub I used to knock about in.

HUGH PAT : The Corner House?

STRANGER : No. Never mind where.

HUGH PAT : Was it Hugh News's?

STRANGER : Listen, for god's sake. It doesn't matter where exactly. It's jist ... in I walks and says to the woman of the place. "Are you good for the loan iv a few quid for a couple o' drinks. I haven't a roosic on me and me tongue's hangin' outa me with the drooth." Says she "Away to blazes! Sure I could get thon type of custom any damn day."

HUGH PAT : It must have been Kanes, was it?

STRANGER : Shut up now with the where was it business! Anyways. Hand in the oul' pocket and up comes the readies. One, two, three, four ... and so on. Ten sovereigns!

HUGH PAT : Jaysus! She wouldn't have seen the like of thon in a quare day. I'll bet her oul' eyes was near poppin' outa her head.

STRANGER : Like saucers! Anyways. Next thing you know she's going "Oh, we've got great wines and whiskeys here. Don't you be paying any heed to my crabbitness there a wee while back. I was only havin' you on, so I was!"

HUGH PAT : The oul' hypocrite!

STRANGER : There you go!

HUGH PAT : Where're you for now?

STRANGER : Home to see my oul' ma and da. I'm going to tell them that I've been a rip and a hallion. But I'm back now for good or ill. So if they let bygones be bygones, then thon's me! Home! For good!

HUGH PAT : Well good luck, anyhow! And you'll be doin' no more glipin'.

STRANGER : Divil a bit!

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Arthur McBride
Date: 14 Jan 03 - 07:19 AM

HUGH PAT : Arthur! The boul' man! How's she cuttin'?

ARTHUR : Reasonable to middlin'. Yourself?

HUGH PAT : Can't complain. Man dear, but thon's a quare colour you have on your oul' cheeks.

ARTHUR : I've just been down to the sea-side with the cousin.

HUGH PAT : The sea's the boy would put a glow on you, right enough, and a quare snot in you forbye. Any reason for the journey?

ARTHUR : Divil a one. Just seein' what the oul' crack was.

HUGH PAT : Did you stay there long?

ARTHUR : Just a while. Then we took a tram.

HUGH PAT : I take it you saw hardly a crayter out and about on a day like this?

ARTHUR : Now there's where you'd be wrong, Hugh Pat. If we didn't meet a scra of soldiers.

HUGH PAT : Get away!

ARTHUR : Aye. Oul' Sergeant Harper and thon awr gulpin, Corporal Cram. And some wee gawpshite wi' a drum. Batterin' away like a buck-eejit.

HUGH PAT : I s'pose they hardly dared look at you?

ARTHUR : Look? They were at the oul' chattin'. Says yer man. "Fine heathy pair of boys that y'are. The army could do wi' a pair of upstandin' characters like yourselves in it. And there's quare money in the oul' soldierin'. A bob up front and a guinea to come."

HUGH PAT : That's quare wages, right enough. Were you tempted?

ARTHUR : Was I what?! Says I to him "If I took you oul' money, next thing you know you'd have me on a boat over to France and I'd be dead before the week was out." Oh, I know their oul' game!

HUGH PAT : So I take it he left youse in peace after thon?

ARTHUR : It would have been better for him if he had. But damn the bit of it! Effin' and blindin'. Next thing you know he's got his oul' sword out and swingin' it round his oul' head and threatenin' all sorts.

HUGH PAT : Thon would have put the fear o' God in you, I dare say!

ARTHUR : Divil the fear! I looks at the oul' cousin and gives him a wink. Says I to myself "If it's a fight you're after, then no better men!" And out wi' the oul blackthorns, the pair of us. I took the oul' Corporal and the cousin faces the Sergeant. Cowped the pair o' them we did!

HUGH PAT : What about the wee lad?

ARTHUR : Shitin' himself, he was. But says I "C'mere you wee skitter!" And grabs thon oul' drum aff him and - SPLASH - bucks it into the sea. Says I "It'll be a while before you're drummin' thon oul yoke!" And we lifted him up, head over heels and shook him down. The money that feel out o' thon wee halllion's pockets! Six bob and a few coppers. I reckon he was dioin' a bit o' knockin' in the officers' quarters.

HUGH PAT : Fair play to him, then, all the same! Thon's a quare wee pile!

ARTHUR : It is, in sowl and the cousin and me's for the pub tonight to drink the proceeds.

HUGH PAT : You're a hard chaw, McBride!

ARTHUR : Divil a one harder!

HUGH PAT : G'luck now. And have one on me!

ARTHUR : I will, in sowl!

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: ard mhacha
Date: 14 Jan 03 - 08:42 AM

And cud ye ivir figger out that hussy yer man met in the County Down, do ye remember the last line,"no maid I have seen like the BROWN Colleen, that I met in the County Down."
Brown na cailini in the County Down away back then, its a puzzle, mebbe their was a Pakistan carry-out around Seapatrick. Ard Mhacha.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Rosie McCann
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 04:03 AM

ard mhacha ...

Shame on you not knowing that the "brown" cailin referred to the colour of my hair. (Mind you, the year that that oul' song was writ was a warm one and I'd a quare tan on me! And mind you, as well, I wish there was a curry house in Seapatrick. I could just do with a prawn bhuna every now and again - makes a change from spuds and scallions. The amount of bloody scallions I ate ... I'll end up like Jane Falloon if I'm not careful! Min' you ... I'm a far tastier article than thon 'un!)

Next think you know you'll be tellin' me that An Buachaill Caol Dubh was written about a Masai fella used to live down near Cashel!

Didn't you used to know my brawr, Dan. He lived by the Bann like myslef. A comical crayter, God be good to him! Used to wash his oul' face in a fryin' pan.

Be good now, and none of thon oul' stirring.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: ard mhacha
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 06:49 AM

Aye and if ye knowed yer Irish fear-gorm would have done for the Masai in Tipp. Ard Mhacha.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: ard mhacha
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 06:50 AM

Aidan, are the Rangers men all fear-gorm. Ard Mhacha.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: Declan
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 06:54 AM

No wonder they've got the Blues.

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Lonely in London
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 07:16 AM

POSTCARD 1:
Dear Mary,
Having a grand time here in the Big Smoke. Pleanty of jobs going in the building trade. Mind you, I could be doing the same amount of shovellin' back in Newcastle, hey.
xx

POSTCARD 2:
How's it going Mary?
You should see the cut of the hussies in this place! Ye'd wear more going for a paddle in the Shimna! Not a flannel vest to be seen. Don't be getting any ideas.
xx

POSTCARD 3:
Ah Mary,
There was an oul parade on here yesterday - the king went by on a bus. It was worse than Kilkeel on the 12th. I let a gulder out of me, and yer man turned and waved. Very polite, these English.
xx

POSTCARD 4:
Mary!
I met Peter O'Loughlin the day! Y'know, Big Pete's eldest. His mother was a Trainor to her own name - lives out the Bryansford Road.
Anyway, he's in the P'lice now. Terrible homesick. I was just saying to him how much I miss oul the soda farls.
xx

POSTCARD 5:
Mary, me darlin',
I've seen enough. Them girls are grand til ye see them wi'out that muck on their faces. I'm on me way back home. I think I'll start south Down's first construction company. All that digging came in useful after all.
Lookin forward til seeing ye. We'll go for a walk up Slieve Donard when I get back.
xx

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Percy French
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 09:30 AM

Ye did a great job, there LIL. Sure wi' thon degree of wit and persipacity, you'll not be lonely long!

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Jock Stewart
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 11:15 AM

HUGH PAT : Jock Stewart! The boul' man! I don't often see you in this neck of the woods. What're you up to?

JOCK STEWART : Just out for a ramble and bit of a shot. D'you fancy a drink? They're on me!

HUGH PAT : How's life treatin' you anyway?

JOCK STEWART : Can't complain, Hugh Pat! Still got the land and the sarvints, so livin' like a lord! C'mon then d'you fancy a jar or what? My shout!

HUGH PAT : Where's the oul' dog? It's not often you'd see you without him!

JOCK STEWART : I shot him down in Kildare a few weeks back! D'you want thon drink I'm offerin' or what?

HUGH PAT : Aye, go on then! A bottle of porter and half-un of Black Bush.

JOCK STEWART : That's the man!   Drink away! (To barmaid) Hi, Phidelma! Two bottles of porter and two half-uns of Black Bush. And whatever you're having yourself!

PHIDELMA : Not at all. No, I'm alright, Jock.

JOCK STEWART : No, go on! Have whatever you like. Or keep it for later. Maybe a few wee quiet ones at the end of the night. You never know when I'll be back this road, sure!

PHIDELMA : Ach! Alright then. I'll have a double vodka and coke and a Smithwicks chaser!

BYSTANDER : God, he's very free and easy with buyin' the drink, eh?

NAWR BYSTANDER : He is, in sowl. No better man for the oul payin'!

BYSTANDER : Mind you ... you don't see a lot of him these days!

(Note the way in which the poster has not only grasped the essential concept of this particular bit of wordplay, but has embraced the ad nauseam ending. Sure isn't this great mind-expanding crack altogether!)

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,The Twangman
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 11:53 AM

HUGH PAT : Ah, the sound man! What's the crack?

ZOZIMUS : I've a great one for you, now! Houl' yer whisht for a minute till I tell ye! There's this fella, and when the milishey wasn't after him, he soul' the oul' twang?

HUGH PAT : Was he coortin'?

ZOZIMUS : He'd one on the go, right enough.

HUGH PAT : Was she good-lookin'?

ZOZIMUS : Canny enough, now!

HUGH PAT : Was she workin'?

ZOZIMUS : She was in sowl! She'd a traycle depot, this side o' the Carlisle Bridge.

HUGH PAT : A quare catch, then!

ZOZIMUS : Aye. And there;s the rub! Anawr one had his eye on her?

HUGH PAT : Anybody we know?

ZOZIMUS : Mickey Baggs!

HUGH PAT : Doesn't ring a bell with me.

ZOZIMUS : Commercial traveller, he called himself. But damn the bit! A hawker. Rags and bones was the height of his commerce!

HUGH PAT : A cute hoor, then!

ZOZIMUS : None cuter!

HUGH PAT : Did he trate her well, then?

ZOZIMUS : Give over, would ye? Out to Dollymount, the pair of them!

HUGH PAT : There's nothing like the seaside for getting' an oul' romance lit.

ZOZIMUS : And then singin'. "Billy In The Bowl" if you don't mind!

HUGH PAT : I don't mind at all. And I dare say she didn't mind either.

ZOZIMUS : It might as well have been John McCormack! Her oul' head was turned, so it was!

HUGH PAT : The Twang-man wouldn't have liked thon!

ZOZIMUS : Indeed not! You've said it plain, Hugh Pat! Jaysus! The temper on him!

HUGH PAT : I hope he didn't do anything rash!

ZOZIMUS : Rash? Man dear, quit your talkin'! He only lay in wait for the poor oul' Baggs up by St. James's Gate!

HUGH PAT : Away!

ZOZIMUS : True as God! And up comes Baggs, out comes yer man's twang-knife, end of story!

HUGH PAT : That's shocking!

ZOZIMUS : It is indeed!

HUGH PAT : They'll write a song about thon some day.

ZOZIMUS : With the help of God, they will so!