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BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Cluin Date: 18 Feb 03 - 10:40 PM A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis... Upon a day, Adam and Eve didst complaineth unto the Lord, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us." And God answered, "Harken then unto Me! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know that you are loved by me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves. And the sign of this love will be the wagging of its tail." And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail as 'twas foretold. But Adam didst complain further, "Lord, I have already used up my store of names in naming all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal." And God didst sigh and say, "Then harken yet again, man. Because I have created this animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG." And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy with his new name and did wag his tail in love, as 'twas foretold. But in the fullness of time, later that same week, it came to pass that the archangel Phil came unto the Lord and said, "Lord, behold how Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration, even as gods themselves. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well." And God said, "Well, it's your turn to give a harken, now, Phil! For, lo, I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration." And God created another new animal to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And this new animal would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into its eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Eve was allergic and did sneeze mightily in its presence, but for fear of the Lord's displeasure, the did not send the creature away, but kept it near them. And they named the animal "Cat" in imitation of the sound it made in coughing up its hairballs in their presence. And thus did Adam and Eve learn humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy. And Cat gaveth not a shit one way or t'other. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: *daylia* Date: 09 Feb 03 - 04:09 PM Jesus Will Save Me A priest was trapped on a deserted island that was sinking into the sea. As the water lapped around his feet, a motor boat suddenly approached the island. "Come on, father, get in!" said the boatman. "No," said the priest on the island, "I have faith in Jesus. He will save me!" The boat went off and the water continued to rise. When it was up to the priest's chest, another boat appeared. "Get in the boat, or you're going to drown!" said the boatman. Again, the priest said, "No, I have faith in Jesus. He will save me!" The boat went off and the water continued to rise. When it was up to the priest's chin, a third boat appeared. "Get in, this is your last chance!" "No, Jesus will save me!" So the boat went off, the water continued to rise and the priest drowned. He went up to heaven and was greeted by Jesus. "Hey, Jesus," he said, "I trusted in you all my life and you let me drown! I don't believe it!" "YOU don't believe it?" Jesus said, "I sent three boats to save you! THREE!!" _______________________________________________________________________ Pssssst - maybe there's a bit of truth in there as to HOW Jesus saves! daylia |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Cluin Date: 09 Feb 03 - 01:48 PM From an 8 year old's perspective (an excerpt taken from an essay on God handed in at school): ...Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and people finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: GUEST,williamedwardjamieson@yahoo.com Date: 09 Feb 03 - 12:04 AM Similar to some above, but here goes... Proof that Jesus was Irish: He had 12 drinking buddies. He didn't leave home til he was 30. His mother thought he was God. Bill |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Bobert Date: 08 Feb 03 - 10:13 PM Okay, Amos and Rapaire, Jesus and Moses are playing golf, right? Well, Jesus's tee shot lands a few feet before a lake with the green just on the other side. "What do you think, Mo," asked Jesus, "a seven iron?" "Nah, J.C, think ya' better use the 6 iorn", said Moses. Well, Jesus shugged of Moses's advice and used the 7 iron only to have the ball clear all but a few inches of the late. Splash. Jesus was o mad that he just grabbed his picthing wedge and walked right over the lake toward where the ball had landed. Two other golfer saw all this and one yelled over at Moses, "Who the Hell does that guy think he is? Jesus Christ?" To which Moses yelled back, " No, he *is* Jesus Christ. But he *thinks* he's Tiger Woods!" Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: boab d Date: 08 Feb 03 - 08:28 PM the best one i ve ever heard is the one What do the letters INRI mean on top of a crucifix? I'm Nailed Right In tee hee Dylan |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: GUEST Date: 08 Feb 03 - 11:55 AM Well, you can always ask him when you get there. I suggest you pack for really warm weather, just in case. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: allanwill Date: 08 Feb 03 - 11:52 AM A carpenter gets called to a nunnery for some urgent repair work. He's busily hammering away when the inevitable happens; he misses the nail and hits his thumb. "Ah, fuckin' missed the bastard", he screams, just as the Mother Superior is walking past. "Oh my goodness, young man. Don't you know it's blasphemy to swear in a house of God. If you do that again God will strike you down" "Sorry, mum" he says. "It won't happen again". Unfortunately, it does. Another nail missed and "Ah, fuckin' missed the bastard" just as the MS walks past. "I've warned you already, young man. If it happens again, I can assure you God will strike you down". Profuse apologies from the carpenter can't stop fate from taking a hand and after another missed nail and another "Ah, fuckin' missed the bastard", pandemonium breaks loose. Thunder rolls across the sky and a massive bolt of lightning tears through the roof of the building and lands right next to the very frightened carpenter. And a voice booms out: "AH, FUCKIN' MISSED THE BASTARD". Allan |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Nigel Parsons Date: 08 Feb 03 - 11:19 AM The church decide to put on a nativity play in Ireland, but have to cancel when they can't find three wise men. The church move the set-up Eastward to the Welsh valleys, but fail to find a virgin. Finally they move the set-up Eastward again to England, but give up completely when they can't find anyone who knows the plot! Nigel |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Trevor Date: 08 Feb 03 - 11:05 AM Stretchiest material in the Bible? Skin - 'Abraham tied his ass to a tree and walked forty miles in to the desert..' |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: GUEST,Taylor Date: 08 Feb 03 - 10:40 AM Jesus returns to earth and, looking round, he sees most men wearing smart suits. He decides he should update his image and finds a reasonably priced Jewish tailor and asks to be measured for a suit. The tailor asks him to stand next the wall of the shop so that he can measure his hieght, proceeds to measure his waist, chest, inside leg, etc. He then has to measure his outstreched arms. Christ complies; at which point the tailor pulls out a hammer and nails and nails him to the wall. While walking away he shakes his head and says "Some people never learn". |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Trevor Date: 07 Feb 03 - 05:04 PM When JC arrived at the pearly gates, the gatekeeper asked him what he had in mind now. 'I'm going to search for my father' he said. No sooner had he taken a step in to heaven than he saw in the distance an old man with a long white robe and a long grey beard, who seemed to be searching. 'What are you searching for old man?' he asks. 'My son' replies the old boy. 'What does he look like?' asks JC with mounting excitement. 'Well, he's got holes in his hands and feet....' JC flings his arms around the man, weeping, and crying 'Father, father....!' 'Pinocchio....?' says the old man. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: SharonA Date: 06 Feb 03 - 04:50 PM A late addition to the "Jesus saves" series: Jesus saves... but the Mongol hoards. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: *daylia* Date: 02 Feb 03 - 09:41 AM THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN He had to feed a crowd at a moment notice when there was no food He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do Reverently, daylia :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: *daylia* Date: 01 Feb 03 - 08:44 AM Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it." Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus. Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple. But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water. When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet." |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: TIA Date: 31 Jan 03 - 09:17 AM Jesus went to a disco, but it turns out he couldn't dance very well. He finally called out "Help, I've risen and I can't get down!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Bagpuss Date: 31 Jan 03 - 08:58 AM Why did Popeye punch Jesus? Because he went to Mount Olive. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: TIA Date: 31 Jan 03 - 08:51 AM Jesus once tried to get amorous with Mary Magdalene, but don't worry, nothing happened...he touched it, and it healed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: JennyO Date: 31 Jan 03 - 03:42 AM Helen, I get it, anyway. Jenny (in Sydney) |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Banjer Date: 30 Jan 03 - 09:06 PM I think I have the ultimate proof that God and Jesus had a sense of humor. We have the banjo, accordian, bohdran, and bagpipe as proof!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: GUEST,Taunus Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:28 PM Maybe Jesus was irish: He never got married Never had a steady job His last wish was a drink Or maybe he was puertorrican: He was called Jesus Had problems with the law His mother didn't know who his father was Maybe he was italian: He talked using his hands all the time Drank wine with every meal Worked in construction Or was he californian? Never cut his hair Was always barefoot Invented a religion... Cheers, Taunus |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Roughyed Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:59 PM Jesus comes to the Sea of Galilee on a dark and stormy night. He knocks on the boatman's door and asks "How much to row me over the sea?" "Forty pieces of silver" comes the reply. "Forty pieces of silver! That's more than my life's worth! Forget it' I'll walk." |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Helen Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:23 PM Q: How do you know Jesus was Australian? A: He wore thongs (flip-flops) and hung around the Cross (i.e. King's Cross, a well known "adult entertainment area of Sydney) Loses a bit in the translation, I suppose. Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:51 AM Told by a French bishop on TV, discussing the institutionalisation of the Catholic Church: God the Father says to the rest of the Trinity: "So where are we going on holidays this year? What about this Jerusalem place?" Jesus replies "Naw, been there already and I had a lousy experience. What about Rome?" The Holy Spirit says: "Great idea! I've never been there!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Banjo-Flower Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:38 AM Yep Gerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Schantieman Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:00 AM ...Iain St John? |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Banjo-Flower Date: 29 Jan 03 - 06:30 PM Jesus saves but ..............St John scores on the rebound Gerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: jimlad Date: 29 Jan 03 - 03:06 PM Jesus saves but ..............the Pope invests. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Amos Date: 29 Jan 03 - 11:58 AM Moses invited Jesus out for a round of golf. Moses teed off and hit a long straigh shot which rolled to a stop only a few feet from the green, looking set for par. Jesus tees off and slices the ball badly. It goes whizzing off into the brush on the side of the fairway and caroms off an oak. Then it bounces down a dark rabbit hole. A few seconds later, out comes the rabbit with the ball in his teeth and starts loping across the fairway. A hawk spots tyhe rabbit and zooms down and swoops him up, which frightens him so badly he drops Jesus' golf ball. The ball bounces off the shell of a wandering turtle and flies off at an odd angle to land on the green and dribble directly over to the hole and sink. Hole in one. Moses looks at JC with a jaded eye and sighs. "Jesus," he says, "Did you come here to play golf, or did you come here to fuck around?". |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: JennyO Date: 29 Jan 03 - 11:55 AM I saw some graffiti on a wall once: Jesus saves......at the Commonwealth Bank. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: jimmyt Date: 29 Jan 03 - 11:34 AM my daughter in law, who is constantly finding clever if a bit irreverant slogans like this gave me a button once that said Jesus Saves............. By clipping coupons and shopping wisely! |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: *daylia* Date: 29 Jan 03 - 10:04 AM Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better." Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Jesus saves." |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Rapparee Date: 28 Jan 03 - 12:40 PM Jesus and Moses were playing golf (my, my, we do anthropomortise, don't we?). They both hit into a water hazard. Moses walked up, raised his club, the waters parted, and he walked out and shot onto the green. Jesus said, "That's nothing!" and stepped out onto the water. He promptly sank. Sputtering, he climbed up on shore and said, "Funny, I used to be able to walk on water." "Ah," replied Moses, "that was before you had holes in your feet." We used to tell many of these -- and much, much worse, in the Catholic college and high school I attended. Somewhere I read that a study conducted by the Harvard Theology school found that Protestants tend to be scatological while Catholics tend to be blasphemous. The study theorized that Catholics felt more comfortable with their view of the Almighty. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Kim C Date: 28 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM If Man is made in God's own image, then God must know how to laugh. My favorite, although not particularly a Jesus joke: A man lay dying in the hospital, seemingly beyond hope. A heart specialist came to his room, and said, I may be able to help you. No, the man said, I have faith that the Good Lord will save me. Later on, a brain surgeon stopped by. Perhaps I can help you, he said. No, the man said again, I have faith that the Good Lord will save me. Another doctor came to offer help, and again the man refused, saying that the Good Lord would save him. The man died. He made it to Heaven, and sat at the Lord's feet. Lord, he said, I don't understand. I had great faith that you would save me, but you let me die anyway. And the Lord said, What are you talking about? I sent you those three doctors! |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Dave Bryant Date: 28 Jan 03 - 11:05 AM God, Gabriel, and Peter were discussing holidays. "I fancy the Milky Way" said God. "You ought to try Earth", said Peter, "Gabbie and I had a wonderful time down there last year". "Oh no" said God "Last time I went there, I got a young virgin pregnant - and they're still talking about it". |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Bagpuss Date: 28 Jan 03 - 06:42 AM Jesus, St Peter and Uncle Sir Bobby Robson were in a fishing boat. Jesus gets out of the boat and walks across the surface of the water to the shore. Peter is amazed, and Jesus beckons for them to follow him. Sir Bobby stands up, gets out of the boat and he too walks across the water to the shore. Peter is flabergasted, but plucks up the courage to do the same. He steps out of the boat... and sinks like a stone. A few minutes later, Peter scrambles onto the shore - Jesus says to him "Why didn't you use the stepping stones?". Sir Bobby looks at them both and says "What stepping stones????!!!!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: jimlad Date: 28 Jan 03 - 06:27 AM Jesus went down to his local Jobcentre to look for work. The first 4 times he went dowm there was nothing available. On his fifth visit the clek said he had just the right job for him,a vacancy for a carpenter had arose in the Jerusalem area.The pay was good too,£600 per day.To the clerks amazement JC shook his head and asked what was wrong with the job. Jesus said "It's in Jerusalem,the last time I was there they hammered me with tax". |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: JennyO Date: 28 Jan 03 - 01:43 AM "What a way to spend Easter" is the slogan on the bumper stickers for the National Folk Festival, held in Canberra at Easter Time. Top festival! But I digress. Jesus walks into an inn. He hands the innkeeper three nails and asks "Can you put me up for the night?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: JohnInKansas Date: 28 Jan 03 - 01:38 AM From the recent "not nearly best-sellers" list - although it did achieve a degree of notoriety: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal (a novel) Christopher Moore, William Morrow Imprint of Harper Collins, 2002, ISBN 0-380-97840-7, about $25 new hardcover, but you might find it on the "selloff" shelf by now. Humor more likely to raise the "should I be offended" flag than to be actually offensive to most. Personally, I found it an enjoyable light read. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Little Robyn Date: 28 Jan 03 - 01:25 AM I heard this one from a Jewish friend many years ago. He stood with his arms extended on either side: "It's a great view of Jerusalem, but what a way to spend Easter!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: JennyO Date: 28 Jan 03 - 12:41 AM Must be time for Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus, ridin' on the dashboard of my car............. For lyrics - www.commonplacebook.com/songs/plasticjesus.shtm Old joke alert!!!! What was the first mention of a motorbike in the bible? When Moses rode forth on his Triumph. Jenny |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: mack/misophist Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:27 PM A note for Becky, above: If there were only three soldiers at the crucifixion, that means the fix was in and they weren't worried about a rescue. In cases like that, the Romans were known to have the executioner sever the wrist arteries with the nails. Still ghastly, but only for a couple of minutes. Usually death was from suffocation. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Amos Date: 27 Jan 03 - 08:13 PM Jesus? Yeah, he was funny enough. But there was this guy down the street from him who had 'em rolling in the aisles day and night. Forgot his name, but he was ten times funnier than Jesus. Laugh? We like to died, no matter what we were talking about. This guy ..damn, what was his name? He lived about ten houses down from Jesus...I forget. But FUNNY??? I telll ya, ya shoulda been there! We were ALWAYS crackin' up around him. Dang...I know it'll come to me.... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:03 PM Most enlightened beings seem to have a wonderful sense of humour, so I'm sure Jesus qualifies for having had one. The thing you notice about their humour is that it tends to lift people up and serve a useful purpose, rather than confirming people in their more negative assumptions about existence (which is what a lot of less enlightened humour seems to be based on). - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Liz the Squeak Date: 27 Jan 03 - 06:04 PM Traditionally when the new Pope is sworn in, he's handed an ancient piece of parchment by the chief Rabbi. Traditionally, he shakes his head and hands it back unopened. Once, the new Pontiff was of an inquiring mind and decided to peek in it and see what it was... turned out it was the bill for the Last Supper. Guess that's me in the doghouse with the rest of you who think some people take things TOO seriously.... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: jimlad Date: 27 Jan 03 - 04:17 PM Sorry if I've managed to offend a few folk's. I think He would have been better served if the 1st century 'God-botherers' had not got into the act for their own purposes. Remember that from the mid 1st centuries until 2003, Jesus's words and ideas have been used and reused by people with a different agenda than his. These guys have given us Wars,Persecutions,and Ethnic Cleansings They have obstructed scientific advances,taught us that Sex is dirty(whilst getting more than their fair share).That only one sexual orientation is acceptable to God and society.Prevented Social Equality by controlling the Media for 19 centuries.If the internet had been available in JC's day the world would be a safer,kinder place than it is now. I could go on but I won't change some peoples minds so Bye now One last offering.... Peter met up with Mary at the pre-Christmas Disco,Peter who had an awfull stammer said "Hi I'm P-P Peter ,but I'm no Saint" Mary who was similarly affected with the same speech impediment said "Hi,I'm M-M-Mary,but I,m not a V-V-............................... very good dancer". Guess that does it for me with my fellow stammerers. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: diesel Date: 27 Jan 03 - 03:42 PM With his last few breaths Jesus manages to call to Judas "Judas, come to me" "Yes Lord" cries Judas and gets a ladder to hear Jesus better. "What is it, Lord, what do you want of me?" Judas asks from atop the ladder. "Judas, come to me" Whispers Christ "What is it? What is it, Lord?" Asks Judas "Judas" Jesus says in the lowest of voices. "Yes, Lord, yes. What is it?"As judas leaned his head to his Lords. SMACK ! with a banging of Jesus' head on Judas' he floors Judas "that's for ratting on me ..." rgds Diesel |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: GUEST,Slickerbill Date: 27 Jan 03 - 03:40 PM I think Jesus had an amzing sense of humor; doing what he was doing, I think it was indispensible. For starters, look at the guys he picked to help him. Then there's the story of the prostitute taken in the act by a bunch of hypocritical religious types of the day, where Jesus writes stuff in the dirt while challenging their right to judge her. Many believe he had their number and was writing things like "whoremonger" and "liar" at the feet of these guys, and that's why they all backed down. Or the time when Jesus was summonned by a blind guy to help him, and Jesus says "What do you want me to do for you?" A great question and I can't see him saying it without a grin. sb |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Rapparee Date: 27 Jan 03 - 02:57 PM Who was it that said that God must have a sense of humor, since he created mankind? |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Bill D Date: 27 Jan 03 - 01:50 PM that's A.J. Langguth, not "Langmuth" for anyone who tries to find a copy |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Bill D Date: 27 Jan 03 - 01:36 PM I have a book called "Jesus Christs", by A.J.Langmuth (Ballentine, 1969) which is a 'novel'consisting of imaginary interludes from the life of Jesus....the opening paragraph goes like this: "I have come to die for your sins", Jesus told a stooped figure passing him on the road. "Then what am I to die for?", the old man asked. Jesus took a small notebook from his pocket and copied the question. "If I may have your name and address", he said, "an answer will be sent to you". the book is not exactly 'humor', but uses humorous elements to illustrate whatever its message is..(and thatis not exactly clear) |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Stilly River Sage Date: 27 Jan 03 - 01:15 PM Most of the humor is fine, irreverence is good for the soul. But I draw the line at the image of death and torture, whoever is involved. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: GUEST Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM Heard at the last supper: (A drunk who gate crashes the last supper)"whoever organised this orgy should be fucking crucified" |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Beccy Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:33 AM One more thing- What do Christ and my three sons have in common? Their mothers both thought that they were without flaws. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Beccy Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:32 AM Khandu- Now THAT was funny! Keith and Bobert- Amen. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Beccy Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:30 AM SRS- For once, I find us in agreement. I think that perhaps there might be a better way to illustrate the humour of Christ. I think mocking someone's agonizing death is in poor taste. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: khandu Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:28 AM I am sure that, in His miles and miles of walking, Jesus stepped in sheep dookey more than a few times. He passed gas like anybody else, and surely, he burned the noses of His disciples a few times. And I am certain He did not walk around talking about God all the time. I bet He cracked quite a few jokes with the rest of the guys."Hey, Peter...knock, knock!" Who's there?" "Armageddon." Armageddon who?" "Armageddon tired of stepping in all this sheep shit!" I can't think of anyone that I would follow for even a day if he didn't have a sense of humor. And I am following Him forever. k |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: *daylia* Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:18 AM I humbly offer this little jewel ... The bartender was washing his glasses, and an elderly Irishman came in and with great difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded and the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey also. The next patron was an ailing Italian with a hunched back and slowness of movement. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting down there. The bartender nodded and the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, also. The third patron, a redneck, swaggered in dragging his knuckles on the floor and hollered. "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, and the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one too. As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig to the door. Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten and he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door. Jesus walked toward the redneck, and the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawing disability!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Keith A of Hertford Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:03 AM Don't try to remove a speck from your brother's eye, when you have a plank stuck in your own. That's a humerous way of making the point. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: TIA Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:59 AM If this were Nigeria, we'd get to burn things and kill people after reading this thread. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Bobert Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:38 AM Well, I believe that Jesus was the embodiment of God, as we all are and this is what Voltaire had to say about God: "God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh." Well, I can't argue with that. Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: MMario Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:35 AM I think they're a little warped - but not offensive. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Stilly River Sage Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:32 AM Second try. I'm not even a christian, and I find these in bad taste. Maybe it's just me? |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Schantieman Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:27 AM Always look on the bright side of life S |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Jim Dixon Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:19 AM Seriously (?), Elton Trueblood, a Quaker, wrote a book called "Humor of Christ" in which he argued that several parables were meant to be funny, although the humor has mostly been lost in the way the parables have been handed down. Unfortunately, the book itself isn't funny. A joke that has to be explained never is. When I looked up "Humor of Christ" on Amazon.com, I found 3 other similar titles: "The Humor of Jesus" by Henri Cormier (Paperback) "When Jesus Smiled" by Giorgio Conconi, Jordan Aumann (Translator) (Paperback) "The Humor of Jesus: Sources of Laughter in the Bible" by Earl F. Palmer (Paperback) |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: Dave the Gnome Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:20 AM With his last few breaths Jesus manages to call to Peter "Peter, come to me" "Yes Lord" cries Peter and gets a ladder to here Jesus better. "What is it, Lord, what do you want of me?" Peter asks from atop the latter. "Look, Peter. Look and see the amazing sight..." Whispers Christ "What is it? What revealtion is this, Lord?" Asks Peter "Look, look closely" Jesus says in the lowest of voices. "Yes, Lord, yes. What is it?" "You can see our house from here..." Cheers DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: JennyO Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:20 AM "Jesus, get down off that cross. We need the timber!" Jenny (waiting to be struck down by a bolt of lightning) |
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Subject: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour From: jimlad Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:15 AM I bet Jesus had a sense of humour and would have laughed at the following "I don't care what your name is,you're not walking on this water while I'm fishing here" "Drop that cross one more time and you're out of the parade" "Oh no! you won't change this water into wine,you can just put £5 into the kitty like the rest of us" "Could you please cross your legs,we've only got one nail left" |