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BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour

jimlad 27 Jan 03 - 07:15 AM
JennyO 27 Jan 03 - 07:20 AM
Dave the Gnome 27 Jan 03 - 09:20 AM
Jim Dixon 27 Jan 03 - 10:19 AM
Schantieman 27 Jan 03 - 10:27 AM
Stilly River Sage 27 Jan 03 - 10:32 AM
MMario 27 Jan 03 - 10:35 AM
Bobert 27 Jan 03 - 10:38 AM
TIA 27 Jan 03 - 10:59 AM
Keith A of Hertford 27 Jan 03 - 11:03 AM
*daylia* 27 Jan 03 - 11:18 AM
khandu 27 Jan 03 - 11:28 AM
Beccy 27 Jan 03 - 11:30 AM
Beccy 27 Jan 03 - 11:32 AM
Beccy 27 Jan 03 - 11:33 AM
GUEST 27 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM
Stilly River Sage 27 Jan 03 - 01:15 PM
Bill D 27 Jan 03 - 01:36 PM
Bill D 27 Jan 03 - 01:50 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 03 - 02:57 PM
GUEST,Slickerbill 27 Jan 03 - 03:40 PM
diesel 27 Jan 03 - 03:42 PM
jimlad 27 Jan 03 - 04:17 PM
Liz the Squeak 27 Jan 03 - 06:04 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 03 - 07:03 PM
Amos 27 Jan 03 - 08:13 PM
mack/misophist 27 Jan 03 - 09:27 PM
JennyO 28 Jan 03 - 12:41 AM
Little Robyn 28 Jan 03 - 01:25 AM
JohnInKansas 28 Jan 03 - 01:38 AM
JennyO 28 Jan 03 - 01:43 AM
jimlad 28 Jan 03 - 06:27 AM
Bagpuss 28 Jan 03 - 06:42 AM
Dave Bryant 28 Jan 03 - 11:05 AM
Kim C 28 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM
Rapparee 28 Jan 03 - 12:40 PM
*daylia* 29 Jan 03 - 10:04 AM
jimmyt 29 Jan 03 - 11:34 AM
JennyO 29 Jan 03 - 11:55 AM
Amos 29 Jan 03 - 11:58 AM
jimlad 29 Jan 03 - 03:06 PM
Banjo-Flower 29 Jan 03 - 06:30 PM
Schantieman 30 Jan 03 - 06:00 AM
Banjo-Flower 30 Jan 03 - 06:38 AM
An Pluiméir Ceolmhar 30 Jan 03 - 06:51 AM
Helen 30 Jan 03 - 05:23 PM
Roughyed 30 Jan 03 - 06:59 PM
GUEST,Taunus 30 Jan 03 - 07:28 PM
Banjer 30 Jan 03 - 09:06 PM
JennyO 31 Jan 03 - 03:42 AM

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Subject: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: jimlad
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:15 AM

I bet Jesus had a sense of humour and would have laughed at the following

"I don't care what your name is,you're not walking on this water while I'm fishing here"

"Drop that cross one more time and you're out of the parade"

"Oh no! you won't change this water into wine,you can just put £5 into the kitty like the rest of us"

"Could you please cross your legs,we've only got one nail left"


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:20 AM

"Jesus, get down off that cross. We need the timber!"

Jenny (waiting to be struck down by a bolt of lightning)


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:20 AM

With his last few breaths Jesus manages to call to Peter

"Peter, come to me"

"Yes Lord" cries Peter and gets a ladder to here Jesus better.

"What is it, Lord, what do you want of me?" Peter asks from atop the latter.

"Look, Peter. Look and see the amazing sight..." Whispers Christ

"What is it? What revealtion is this, Lord?" Asks Peter

"Look, look closely" Jesus says in the lowest of voices.

"Yes, Lord, yes. What is it?"

"You can see our house from here..."


Cheers

DtG


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:19 AM

Seriously (?), Elton Trueblood, a Quaker, wrote a book called "Humor of Christ" in which he argued that several parables were meant to be funny, although the humor has mostly been lost in the way the parables have been handed down. Unfortunately, the book itself isn't funny. A joke that has to be explained never is.

When I looked up "Humor of Christ" on Amazon.com, I found 3 other similar titles:

"The Humor of Jesus" by Henri Cormier (Paperback)
"When Jesus Smiled" by Giorgio Conconi, Jordan Aumann (Translator) (Paperback)
"The Humor of Jesus: Sources of Laughter in the Bible" by Earl F. Palmer (Paperback)


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Schantieman
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:27 AM

Always look on the bright side of life

S


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:32 AM

Second try. I'm not even a christian, and I find these in bad taste. Maybe it's just me?


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:35 AM

I think they're a little warped - but not offensive.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Bobert
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:38 AM

Well, I believe that Jesus was the embodiment of God, as we all are and this is what Voltaire had to say about God:

"God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh."

Well, I can't argue with that.

Bobert


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: TIA
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:59 AM

If this were Nigeria, we'd get to burn things and kill people after reading this thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:03 AM

Don't try to remove a speck from your brother's eye, when you have a plank stuck in your own.
That's a humerous way of making the point.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: *daylia*
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:18 AM

I humbly offer this little jewel ...

The bartender was washing his glasses, and an elderly Irishman came in and with great difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.

The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded and the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey also.

The next patron was an ailing Italian with a hunched back and slowness of movement. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting down there. The bartender nodded and the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, also.

The third patron, a redneck, swaggered in dragging his knuckles on the floor and hollered. "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, and the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig to the door.

Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten and he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the redneck, and the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawing disability!"


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: khandu
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:28 AM

I am sure that, in His miles and miles of walking, Jesus stepped in sheep dookey more than a few times. He passed gas like anybody else, and surely, he burned the noses of His disciples a few times. And I am certain He did not walk around talking about God all the time. I bet He cracked quite a few jokes with the rest of the guys."Hey, Peter...knock, knock!" Who's there?" "Armageddon." Armageddon who?"
"Armageddon tired of stepping in all this sheep shit!"

I can't think of anyone that I would follow for even a day if he didn't have a sense of humor. And I am following Him forever.

k


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Beccy
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:30 AM

SRS- For once, I find us in agreement. I think that perhaps there might be a better way to illustrate the humour of Christ. I think mocking someone's agonizing death is in poor taste.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Beccy
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:32 AM

Khandu- Now THAT was funny!

Keith and Bobert- Amen.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Beccy
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:33 AM

One more thing- What do Christ and my three sons have in common?


Their mothers both thought that they were without flaws.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM

Heard at the last supper: (A drunk who gate crashes the last supper)"whoever organised this orgy should be fucking crucified"


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 01:15 PM

Most of the humor is fine, irreverence is good for the soul. But I draw the line at the image of death and torture, whoever is involved.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 01:36 PM

I have a book called "Jesus Christs", by A.J.Langmuth (Ballentine, 1969) which is a 'novel'consisting of imaginary interludes from the life of Jesus....the opening paragraph goes like this:

"I have come to die for your sins", Jesus told a stooped figure passing him on the road.
"Then what am I to die for?", the old man asked.
Jesus took a small notebook from his pocket and copied the question. "If I may have your name and address", he said, "an answer will be sent to you".

the book is not exactly 'humor', but uses humorous elements to illustrate whatever its message is..(and thatis not exactly clear)


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 01:50 PM

that's A.J. Langguth, not "Langmuth" for anyone who tries to find a copy


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 02:57 PM

Who was it that said that God must have a sense of humor, since he created mankind?


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: GUEST,Slickerbill
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 03:40 PM

I think Jesus had an amzing sense of humor; doing what he was doing, I think it was indispensible. For starters, look at the guys he picked to help him. Then there's the story of the prostitute taken in the act by a bunch of hypocritical religious types of the day, where Jesus writes stuff in the dirt while challenging their right to judge her. Many believe he had their number and was writing things like "whoremonger" and "liar" at the feet of these guys, and that's why they all backed down. Or the time when Jesus was summonned by a blind guy to help him, and Jesus says "What do you want me to do for you?" A great question and I can't see him saying it without a grin. sb


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: diesel
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 03:42 PM

With his last few breaths Jesus manages to call to Judas

"Judas, come to me"

"Yes Lord" cries Judas and gets a ladder to hear Jesus better.

"What is it, Lord, what do you want of me?" Judas asks from atop the ladder.

"Judas, come to me" Whispers Christ

"What is it? What is it, Lord?" Asks Judas

"Judas" Jesus says in the lowest of voices.

"Yes, Lord, yes. What is it?"As judas leaned his head to his Lords.

SMACK ! with a banging of Jesus' head on Judas' he floors Judas "that's for ratting on me ..."

rgds
Diesel


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: jimlad
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 04:17 PM

Sorry if I've managed to offend a few folk's. I think He would have been better served if the 1st century 'God-botherers' had not got into the act for their own purposes.

Remember that from the mid 1st centuries until 2003, Jesus's words and ideas have been used and reused by people with a different agenda than his.

These guys have given us Wars,Persecutions,and Ethnic Cleansings

They have obstructed scientific advances,taught us that Sex is dirty(whilst getting more than their fair share).That only one sexual orientation is acceptable to God and society.Prevented Social Equality by controlling the Media for 19 centuries.If the internet had been available in JC's day the world would be a safer,kinder place than it is now.

I could go on but I won't change some peoples minds so Bye now


One last offering....


Peter met up with Mary at the pre-Christmas Disco,Peter who had an awfull stammer said "Hi I'm P-P Peter ,but I'm no Saint"
Mary who was similarly affected with the same speech impediment said
"Hi,I'm M-M-Mary,but I,m not a V-V-...............................
very good dancer".

Guess that does it for me with my fellow stammerers.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 06:04 PM

Traditionally when the new Pope is sworn in, he's handed an ancient piece of parchment by the chief Rabbi. Traditionally, he shakes his head and hands it back unopened.

Once, the new Pontiff was of an inquiring mind and decided to peek in it and see what it was... turned out it was the bill for the Last Supper.


Guess that's me in the doghouse with the rest of you who think some people take things TOO seriously....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:03 PM

Most enlightened beings seem to have a wonderful sense of humour, so I'm sure Jesus qualifies for having had one. The thing you notice about their humour is that it tends to lift people up and serve a useful purpose, rather than confirming people in their more negative assumptions about existence (which is what a lot of less enlightened humour seems to be based on).

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 08:13 PM

Jesus? Yeah, he was funny enough. But there was this guy down the street from him who had 'em rolling in the aisles day and night. Forgot his name, but he was ten times funnier than Jesus. Laugh? We like to died, no matter what we were talking about. This guy ..damn, what was his name? He lived about ten houses down from Jesus...I forget. But FUNNY??? I telll ya, ya shoulda been there! We were ALWAYS crackin' up around him. Dang...I know it'll come to me....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: mack/misophist
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:27 PM

A note for Becky, above: If there were only three soldiers at the crucifixion, that means the fix was in and they weren't worried about a rescue. In cases like that, the Romans were known to have the executioner sever the wrist arteries with the nails. Still ghastly, but only for a couple of minutes. Usually death was from suffocation.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 12:41 AM

Must be time for Plastic Jesus!

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus, ridin' on the dashboard of my car.............

For lyrics - www.commonplacebook.com/songs/plasticjesus.shtm


Old joke alert!!!!

What was the first mention of a motorbike in the bible?

When Moses rode forth on his Triumph.

Jenny


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Little Robyn
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 01:25 AM

I heard this one from a Jewish friend many years ago. He stood with his arms extended on either side:
"It's a great view of Jerusalem, but what a way to spend Easter!"


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 01:38 AM

From the recent "not nearly best-sellers" list - although it did achieve a degree of notoriety:

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal (a novel) Christopher Moore, William Morrow Imprint of Harper Collins, 2002, ISBN 0-380-97840-7, about $25 new hardcover, but you might find it on the "selloff" shelf by now.

Humor more likely to raise the "should I be offended" flag than to be actually offensive to most. Personally, I found it an enjoyable light read.

John


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 01:43 AM

"What a way to spend Easter" is the slogan on the bumper stickers for the National Folk Festival, held in Canberra at Easter Time. Top festival!

But I digress.

Jesus walks into an inn. He hands the innkeeper three nails and asks "Can you put me up for the night?"


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: jimlad
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 06:27 AM

Jesus went down to his local Jobcentre to look for work. The first 4 times he went dowm there was nothing available.
On his fifth visit the clek said he had just the right job for him,a vacancy for a carpenter had arose in the Jerusalem area.The pay was good too,£600 per day.To the clerks amazement JC shook his head and asked what was wrong with the job.

Jesus said "It's in Jerusalem,the last time I was there they hammered me with tax".


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Bagpuss
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 06:42 AM

Jesus, St Peter and Uncle Sir Bobby Robson were in a fishing boat. Jesus gets out of the boat and walks across the surface of the water to the shore. Peter is amazed, and Jesus beckons for them to follow him. Sir Bobby stands up, gets out of the boat and he too walks across the water to the shore. Peter is flabergasted, but plucks up the courage to do the same. He steps out of the boat... and sinks like a stone.

A few minutes later, Peter scrambles onto the shore - Jesus says to him "Why didn't you use the stepping stones?". Sir Bobby looks at them both and says "What stepping stones????!!!!"


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 11:05 AM

God, Gabriel, and Peter were discussing holidays. "I fancy the Milky Way" said God. "You ought to try Earth", said Peter, "Gabbie and I had a wonderful time down there last year". "Oh no" said God "Last time I went there, I got a young virgin pregnant - and they're still talking about it".


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Kim C
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM

If Man is made in God's own image, then God must know how to laugh.

My favorite, although not particularly a Jesus joke:

A man lay dying in the hospital, seemingly beyond hope. A heart specialist came to his room, and said, I may be able to help you.

No, the man said, I have faith that the Good Lord will save me.

Later on, a brain surgeon stopped by. Perhaps I can help you, he said.

No, the man said again, I have faith that the Good Lord will save me.

Another doctor came to offer help, and again the man refused, saying that the Good Lord would save him.

The man died.

He made it to Heaven, and sat at the Lord's feet. Lord, he said, I don't understand. I had great faith that you would save me, but you let me die anyway.

And the Lord said, What are you talking about? I sent you those three doctors!


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 12:40 PM

Jesus and Moses were playing golf (my, my, we do anthropomortise, don't we?). They both hit into a water hazard.

Moses walked up, raised his club, the waters parted, and he walked out and shot onto the green.

Jesus said, "That's nothing!" and stepped out onto the water. He promptly sank.

Sputtering, he climbed up on shore and said, "Funny, I used to be able to walk on water."

"Ah," replied Moses, "that was before you had holes in your feet."

We used to tell many of these -- and much, much worse, in the Catholic college and high school I attended. Somewhere I read that a study conducted by the Harvard Theology school found that Protestants tend to be scatological while Catholics tend to be blasphemous. The study theorized that Catholics felt more comfortable with their view of the Almighty.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: *daylia*
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 10:04 AM

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.

Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckles, "Jesus saves."


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: jimmyt
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 11:34 AM

my daughter in law, who is constantly finding clever if a bit irreverant slogans like this gave me a button once that said Jesus Saves............. By clipping coupons and shopping wisely!


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 11:55 AM

I saw some graffiti on a wall once:

Jesus saves......at the Commonwealth Bank.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 11:58 AM

Moses invited Jesus out for a round of golf. Moses teed off and hit a long straigh shot which rolled to a stop only a few feet from the green, looking set for par.

Jesus tees off and slices the ball badly. It goes whizzing off into the brush on the side of the fairway and caroms off an oak. Then it bounces down a dark rabbit hole. A few seconds later, out comes the rabbit with the ball in his teeth and starts loping across the fairway. A hawk spots tyhe rabbit and zooms down and swoops him up, which frightens him so badly he drops Jesus' golf ball. The ball bounces off the shell of a wandering turtle and flies off at an odd angle to land on the green and dribble directly over to the hole and sink. Hole in one.

Moses looks at JC with a jaded eye and sighs. "Jesus," he says, "Did you come here to play golf, or did you come here to fuck around?".


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: jimlad
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 03:06 PM

Jesus saves but ..............the Pope invests.


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 06:30 PM

Jesus saves but ..............St John scores on the rebound

Gerry


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Schantieman
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:00 AM

...Iain St John?


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:38 AM

Yep

Gerry


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:51 AM

Told by a French bishop on TV, discussing the institutionalisation of the Catholic Church:


God the Father says to the rest of the Trinity: "So where are we going on holidays this year? What about this Jerusalem place?"

Jesus replies "Naw, been there already and I had a lousy experience. What about Rome?"

The Holy Spirit says: "Great idea! I've never been there!"


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Helen
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:23 PM

Q: How do you know Jesus was Australian?
A: He wore thongs (flip-flops) and hung around the Cross (i.e. King's Cross, a well known "adult entertainment area of Sydney)

Loses a bit in the translation, I suppose.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Roughyed
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:59 PM

Jesus comes to the Sea of Galilee on a dark and stormy night. He knocks on the boatman's door and asks "How much to row me over the sea?" "Forty pieces of silver" comes the reply. "Forty pieces of silver! That's more than my life's worth! Forget it' I'll walk."


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: GUEST,Taunus
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:28 PM

Maybe Jesus was irish:
He never got married
Never had a steady job
His last wish was a drink

Or maybe he was puertorrican:
He was called Jesus
Had problems with the law
His mother didn't know who his father was

Maybe he was italian:
He talked using his hands all the time
Drank wine with every meal
Worked in construction

Or was he californian?
Never cut his hair
Was always barefoot
Invented a religion...

Cheers,
Taunus


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: Banjer
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 09:06 PM

I think I have the ultimate proof that God and Jesus had a sense of humor. We have the banjo, accordian, bohdran, and bagpipe as proof!!


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Subject: RE: BS: I bet JC had a sense of humour
From: JennyO
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 03:42 AM

Helen,

I get it, anyway.

Jenny (in Sydney)


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