BS: Questions about you and your SO

Subject: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,singleton
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 03:51 PM

Sorry about the non-music thread, but mudcatters seem willing to talk about anything. I'm just trying to gather some information here for my own enlightenment...anyone that would like to share please do. If you want to share about relationships that did not work out that would be welcome too.

How long did you date your SO before deciding to become exclusive? Who initiated the exclusivity?

How long did you go without communicating between dates before becoming exclusive?

What is the age gap between you and your SO?

What traits did you not like about your SO but felt were worth overlooking?

Do you think you'd be happier single?

Heavy-duty questions I know. If anyone wants to answer I'd be most grateful.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: mg
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 03:53 PM

it is beyond my comprehension to be anything but exclusive so I would say one date and (impossible to imagine wanting to have a date at my age) and that's it.

mg

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,Walking Eagle
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 04:47 PM

Wish I had a SO feller to answer questions about!

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Ron Olesko
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 04:53 PM

Singleton, I think your answers to those questions are probably the most important. Sounds like you are trying to make up your own mind. Don't let our opinions cloud what is right for you.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Kim C
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 05:17 PM

Mister and I have been together for 13 years - I don't remember who initiated what. I hated being single.

Mister is 12 years older than me. There are a few things about him that annoy me but they are so insignificant I can't even think of them right now.

But Ron is right. Your own answers are the most important.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Sam L
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 05:33 PM

I'll do it. We never dated, just hung out together in a theatre/music gang, and wound up together sometimes too.
   Exclusivity came about the hard way, she was living with someone who also became, in my mind, my best friend. There were hurt feelings and a mess all around. Things cleared up, is all one can briefly say.

   She was three years older back then, when I was 17, but now we're about the same age.

   What faults--she was a little cloying/cutesy it seemed to me back then, said "I missed you not being here" when I hope she meant the opposite, and cannot change in any way regardless how trivial. The pattern goes like this:

EXAMPLE. I ask if we can simply keep my large spoon for measuring coffee sitting out, like a scoop, and use others to stir stuff.

SHE MISUNDERSTANDS AT GREAT LENGTH. She washed it because it was dirty. It's weirdly difficult to explain that I mean Let's not stir with it and get it dirty--it's my measuring spoon.

SHE GETS UPSET. The difficulty of explaining what I mean makes it all a big deal and I wish I'd never brought it up.

I APOLOGISE AT GREAT LENGTH.

SHE GOES BACK TO THE ORIGINAL MISUNDERSTANDING. Wherein she thinks I wish she wouldn't wash the dirty spoon, which is now always dirty when I need it, because she stirs with it and thinks I don't ever want it washed.

   
   Single I'd be dead. Sensing this, I guess, S.O. suggested a particular person I should marry in the event. I said I didn't think I'd remarry, she said I would need help. I would, and I'm sure this person is waiting for me to marry her.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 05:53 PM

I agree that it sounds as though you are looking for your own asnwers. If it helps to hear what others have done, then that's good, too.

How long did you date your SO before deciding to become exclusive? Who initiated the exclusivity?

It was sort of a spontaneous, mutual, unspoken thing from the first night we went out.

How long did you go without communicating between dates before becoming exclusive?

see above

What is the age gap between you and your SO?

6 years, but I don't feel it has ever mattered. I once lived with a man 20 years my senior.

What traits did you not like about your SO but felt were worth overlooking?

Then? None!:-)

Do you think you'd be happier single?

No, but I do think we'd be happier, sometimes, with more time apart or two houses. I once read about a couple, both writers, much different ways of keeping house, writing, etc. They kept their marriage alive and happy by living in a two-apartment house.

We will be celebrating out 23rd this March, which means we have lived together for 24 years. There are definitely things i'd change about him, now, but I realise that is something he has to want and do, so I try to overlook them, most of the time. A good relationship, imo, is well-balanced by compromise. Oh, and I am SURE he'd like a few things different about me, too, but he manages to overlook them and still make me feel loved.:-)

Good luck to you.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 06:00 PM

How long did you date your SO before deciding to become exclusive? Who initiated the exclusivity? About 20 minutes. After we had spent the rest of that first evening together, she went home and designed a wedding dress and I called everyone I knew and told them I had accidentally met the woman I was going to marry. The next date was amidst a group of folks at a ball game in Atlanta two days later. She then went out of town for two days and when we got together on the day she returned, neither of us even bothered to ask the other...We both assumed we were going to marry. To make it official, I proposed over an English Muffin at about 2 in the morning. Karen was 27, I was 36, neither had ever been married.

How long did you go without communicating between dates before becoming exclusive? Answered that above but basically we knew from the gitgo. I have no idea what it was or why, but sometimes you just attribute things to fate.

What is the age gap between you and your SO? Nine years

What traits did you not like about your SO but felt were worth overlooking? At that point I was overlooking everything and so was she. Almost 20 years later, we still are. Marriage is a threesome....there's you, your spouse, and the marriage. If you're happy with yourself and your spouse is happy with themselves too, then what you both do is for the marriage. I try to do things wich make her happy and she does the same for me. We are very different people and I suppose we fill some holes for each other, but that's not the why of it. Basically, if I were to get critical and she were too, the thing would never work. We are more in love today than 5 years ago, 10 years ago, etc....I imagine we'll be more in love than we are now in 5 years. Basically, this question has no meaning to me at all except to say that somehow Karen tolerates me....no mean feat!!!!

Do you think you'd be happier single? Are you nuts? Karen was and is the greatest thing that ever happened in my life and allowed me to enjoy the next two most important things, our sons.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,non single non exclusive
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 06:14 PM

Dear singleton- it certainly is your answers which are important, but just to show that there is a wide variety of opinions, I will say a few things.

I, also, cannot imagine being single, but I have never been exclusive, though I have gone for years at times without anyone except my spouse in my life. I have never sought others in my life, they just appear at times, and my spouse knows that I would never allow anything or anyone to interfere with my home life.

My SOs have been anywhere from 3 years older to 25 years younger. As you might imagine, the traits I appreciate are honesty and the lack of jealosy. I have been divorced, mostly because of my ex-spouse's non-honesty and tendency to blame others for all problems. I am now happily married, but have had another relationship for several years.

I do not necessarily advocate this life style for anyone else, I just note that it can work for some. Therefore, you and anyone you are considering sharing a reltionship with should honestly share your attitudes and be sure you agree about important issues.

If you feel that exclusivity is important, then you need to make that very clear, and find out what the other person feels.

Once again, I say these things only to show what a wide difference there is in ways we can live our lives.

(Do not assume that you can guess whether I am male of female, as I have known people of both sexes who could write almost exactly the same thoughts)

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,Chicken Charlie
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 06:43 PM

Not that it's any of your goddam business [:)] but:

Most SO is two years younger. "Exclusivity" was not a formal thing negotiated by representatives in swallowtailed coats. I would gladly be exclusive just to be available all the time; I've never demanded that or even formally promised it. I'd rather accept whatever she feels she wants to give than paint her into a corner where she has to hide anything.

I suppose we knew each other for three-four months before it became "serious" as opposed to exclusive. It has never been the latter. Her being able to discuss feelings for others rather than hiding them is a good way for me to know how I'm doing at really taking care of her, rather than just telling myself what a wonderful sensitive person I am while neglecting her and driving her away.

No, don't want to be single.

CC

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:21 PM

How long did you date your SO before deciding to become exclusive?

Ans: I tend to be exclusive by nature, once I decide to be romantically involved with someone at all, so the question doesn't really make a whole lot of sense in my case. I guess it's more like...how long does it take me to become seriously interested in someone? Well, each case is unique in that respect, but usually a few weeks I suppose...sometimes a few months.

Who initiated the exclusivity?

Ans: It was mutual. I had a couple of past relationships where I was exclusive but she wasn't! That was NOT a happy situation.

How long did you go without communicating between dates before becoming exclusive?

ans: Ummm...darned if I know. Maybe a week or two?

What is the age gap between you and your SO?

Ans: It has varied from 2 or 3 years to about 30 years, depending on which case we are speaking of.

What traits did you not like about your SO but felt were worth overlooking?

Ans: Ha! I haven't got time tonight to write "War and Peace"! I'll just say that her good points appeared to outweigh the drawbacks...in every case.

Do you think you'd be happier single?

Yup. On the whole I am happier single. But that's just me. For a lot of folks, being single is not too workable a situation, it seems.

My answers above do not concern one past relationship, but several. They all had their good points and their problem areas too. I seem best cut out to be on my own over the long haul, but have always liked romance a lot. I just don't like being pigeon-holed or tied down for two long in a domestic arrangement with someone. If I never had sex with anyone again in this life, it wouldn't cause me to lose any sleep...but if I never loved anyone again, now THAT would be disastrous! And it ain't gonna happen. Loving people (and loving yourself at the same time) is what makes life worthwhile.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,Kendall
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:27 PM

I've been unhappily married, and, I've been unhappily single. Single is better. I come and go as I please without having to answer to anyone. No one touches my measuring spoon, and, everything is right where I left it.
Of course there is a down side; it's lonesome sometimes, but, nothing is so much better than just anything.
..well, I aint had a kiss since I fell out of my crib...

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,Walking Eagle
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:30 PM

I think Katherine Hepburn once said something to the effect that men and women should live next door to each other and just visit every once in awhile.

Questions about relationships are what makes us human. My former husband and I had some very great times and therefore a lot of important things were overlooked.Had they been worked on, maybe we would still be together, then again, maybe we would have seperated much earlier. If something seems fundamentally wrong to you and him/her and quite strong feelings about it remain for sometime, best to work on it right then. Warning! Be prepared to accept/live with the consequences.

If I am ever blessed with another SO, I'll have a much different perspective and he will have to be strong within himself to accept my personality. And vice versa.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 07:37 PM

My wife and I dated twice, about two weeks apart, and in between those occasions went on frequent walks and chats that were less formal. At the end of the second date, we were already acting monogamous with each other, and we decided to wed. It was about a total of six weeks between the first date and the wedding.

My SO had no faults at that time, and has only developed a trivial few since then. Not only that but she's learned to deal with a whole slough of mine!

No I would not be happier being single. I think the very idea is vaguely ... off-center for me. I would survive just fine, but I sure would not be happier!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:14 PM

How long did you date your SO before deciding to become exclusive? Who initiated the exclusivity?

We were together, oh, I don't know, perhaps 4 years or so.

How long did you go without communicating between dates before becoming exclusive?

Well, it was pretty much continuous communication.


What is the age gap between you and your SO?

She's two years older than I am.

What traits did you not like about your SO but felt were worth overlooking?

I dunno. All of them or none of them, I guess.

Do you think you'd be happier single?

No. I mean, after damned near 30 years of marriage....

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Deda
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:27 PM

I was married to my first husband for 15 years, and have been married to my second since July 1996. I'm answering about my second marriage, which is as happy as I have ever been in my life.

We didn't exactly date informally because I was living in Boulder and he was living in Morgantown WV. We met at a ranch here in Co., owened by an old pal of his, and then a month later he drove from WV to Maine to see me while I was there for a couple of weeks. After that we were on the phone almost daily for the next year. He visited me here and I visited him in WV. The following summer he packed up all his belongings and moved to Boulder, and the summer after that we got married. In actual fact I was exclusive about him from day one, and he was the same. We were both unattached when we met.

He is 11 1/2 years older than I am.

Traits I am less crazy about than others: He passionately hates even the faintest whiff of cigarette smoke, and I have relatives who still smoke, even including my two adult kids. This has been an occasional source of conflict, but my kids have come to understand that when they come to visit they just have to be clean, and they can't smoke anywhere near our place.
He is also much slower and more deliberate than I am, so I may be ready to leave the house in five minutes, but I will have forgotten five or six things. He is much more thoughtful, keeps lists, covers all bases. Sometimes I feel impatient but generally I am grateful for his thoroughness.

We complement each other very well. We're not at all alike, but we admire each other a great deal, and he loves to clean house.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:27 PM

Age 16

Age 15

first car

first date

first fuck

first kid

no more after that

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: khandu
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:38 PM

I took my lucky wife, Cheryl, home with me on our first date. She has been here ever since. We were married eight months after our first date. She is 13 years younger than me

The only trait that she had that I did not like was the fact that she wasn't independently wealthy, but I overlooked that! ;-)

I would not be happier if I were single, I tried it. I didn't like it.

k

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: momnopp
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:43 PM

Wow, Spaw and Amos -- what lovely stories!

I've almost always jumped in with both feet -- assuming exclusivity from the start -- but I've learned that this is not necessarily the way to go -- and it's not necessarily the assumption that everyone else makes (GASP!!!)

I've learned that taking things slowly works better for me because I have a tendency to be impulsive and to overlook things that are important in the "heat of the moment". I've been married and divorced twice (my sister bought me a pin a few years back that I absolutely LOVE -- it says, "The first two husbands are just for practice") and I am not the least bit soured on the institution of marriage.

The way I figure it, my next relationship will be someone who is taken with me for who I am and my sunny personality and my hearty laugh and HE'll pursue ME. I've done enough chasing people who aren't well suited to me and I've finally come to a place where I know, understand and believe that I'm WORTH being pursued.

Hmmmm, that doesn't exactly answer your questions, kind of looks like I went off on my own tangent...OH WELL! :-) Good luck in your own ponderings on the matter.

Peace,

JudyO

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 09:58 PM

from the database: )I sing it with my tongue firmly in my cheek, as I have now been married to the illustrious Ferrara for 22 years.) We do not 'agree' about everything, but we both listen and care, and that makes all the difference

STERN OLD BACHELOR

I am a stem old bachelor,
My age is forty-four-
I do declare I'II never live
With women any more.
I have a stove that's worth ten cents,
A table worth fifteen,
I cook my gruel in oyster cans
And keep my things so clean.

cho: O little sod shanty
Little sod shanty dear to me,
I am a stern old bachelor
From matrimony free.

When I come home at night
I smile and walk right in
I never hear a voice call out, or say,
"Where have you been?"
On a cold and stormy night
In my cozy little shack,
I sing my songs and think my thoughts
With no one to talk back.

I go to bed when e'er I please
And wake up just the same,
I wash my socks three times a year
With no none to complain.
At night when I'm in peaceful sleep
My snores can do no harm,
I never have to walk the floor
With a baby on my arm.

I am a stem old bachelor,
My age is forty-four-
I do declare I'II never live
With women any more.
And when I die and go to heaven
As all good bachelors do,
I'll never have to grieve to fear
My wife will get there too.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Gypsy
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:03 PM

Met the handsome mando player in '76, married in '79. Would never want to be single, but if struck with single hood, would probably stay that way. Couldn't imagine getting accustomed to a new persons habits all over again! If my love has things i am less than thrilled about, i don't dwell on them. He's pretty terrific

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:15 PM

Spaw...

You met Karen...accidentally????

Yeah, right! You may believe that, ol' buddy...I do not! The only place "accidents" happen is on the carpet (when the weather's too cold for the terminally lazy dog who stands in as a large paperweight around here).

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 11:31 PM

Little Hawk...this is confusing...your SO is a lazy dog?

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: open mike
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 01:02 AM

got no SO
only an ex SO
who came over to my house
today to SOB about breaking
up with his girlfriend...
so he is only a SOB
we spent 25 years together..
23 of that married
our two daughters
are a wonderful
reminder that we
did something right!

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,singleton
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 08:26 AM

Thanks everyone for the responses.

They do help me settle things in my own mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 08:40 AM

Well here goes!

How long did you date your SO before deciding to become exclusive? Who initiated the exclusivity?

We sort of 'dated' for 5 months before deciding that we both really wanted to be together. It was a mutual thing and it just happened! We aren't married but we live together....don't think we will ever get married as we are very happy the way we are!

How long did you go without communicating between dates before becoming exclusive? Just answered above.

What is the age gap between you and your SO?

Ermmmm....he is 35 years older than me....

What traits did you not like about your SO but felt were worth overlooking?.....none!

Do you think you'd be happier single?

No. I am very happy as I am.


Cat

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Kim C
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 09:57 AM

Spaw, you know, sometimes you really show yourself. ;-) But being a woman, and having that intuition thing, I knew all along you was just a snuggly little puppy in a big dog's suit. Karen is one lucky girl!

Kendall, here's a kiss on the cheek for you. (smak)

LH, I met Mister completely by accident. And like Spaw, it was just one of those things I knew.

Those of you who have had an SO whose age was 20+ years different - I'm curious about the challenges of that, and what brought you together in the first place.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 10:09 AM

How long did you date your SO before deciding to become exclusive? Who initiated the exclusivity?
We're not exclusive. So I suppose he's not really an SO. There's another guy on the edge of things too. The other guy would like exclusivity. Me and the non-SO are happy being unexclusive.
Since I was going to get married to someone else a year ago I'm no longer in any rush for commitment.

How long did you go without communicating between dates before
becoming exclusive?
Me and the non-SO see each other daily (we work in the same place). Only difference now is that we spend time out of work together too. Other guy lives several thousand miles away so I see him briefly every few months.

What is the age gap between you and your SO?
Non-SO is 12 years older than me. Other guy is 7 years older than me.

What traits did you not like about your SO but felt were worth overlooking?
Both have a few imperfections that are outweighted by their good points. I'm probably harder to put up with than they are.

Do you think you'd be happier single?
No, I think it'd just be a different type of happiness.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 08:09 PM

Helped me to settle some things too! I've decided I'm going to get off the fence and do something about a feller I'm interested in. At least I'll get some ??? answered.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 08:11 PM

There ya go, WE!! Head high and look 'em in the eye!! Good luck!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,h
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 08:47 PM

My last SO :

We knew each very slightly for 12 months, about 30 sec into our first conversation it became significant for both of us & exclusive to the end.
He had 'cheated' on a previous girlfriend, I'd had an affair with a married man - we both hated the situation, & rapidly agreed exclusivity - from choice.

We never went a day without phoning/texting on the very few days we didn't see each other.

He is 14 years younger than me.

Traits. unfortunately, we found there were too many differences in the way we do things for us to be compatable. Which is sad because we loved each other very much.
Now we are friends rather than SO, the differences dont matter anywhere near as much.

Happier single ??? The strain had become too much, the love was strong and real - but it couldn't work -so we agreed to split up. For a while I thought I could never feel as happy again, which is silly. I may, I may not - no reason why it can't happen.
No partner at moment - which is good -as I'm still thinking through
issues arising from the relationship/life in general. And seeing friends & doing things.
Do hope for another SO at some point in the future.


Original guest -I'd love to hear your answers !!!

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 09:59 PM

GUEST - The dog? No. :-) My SO is my own soul, which my mind is still trying to get to know better...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,singleton
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 09:01 AM

Did you mean me, Guest H? I guess I can throw out some info.

How long did you date your SO before deciding to become exclusive? Who initiated the exclusivity?

Don't have an SO now. Haven't had one in 4+ years. The last one was so sweet, intelligent, considerate, and caring that I have a hard time putting up with anything less. Unfortunately my parents disapproved (though they'd never met him), because he was from a foreign country (here as a student). At the time I was too scared to stand up to them.

The guy I'm seeing now is nice, considerate, intelligent, and attractive but I am not sure if he wants to be exclusive or not. I'm not sure if I want to be either. But I have not found anyone else I want to date.

How long did you go without communicating between dates before becoming exclusive?

Always in the past it was daily, or near daily, contact. Current guy could be 4-5 days.

What is the age gap between you and your SO?

Current guy is 11 years. He has made comments about being so much older than me, and I try to tell him I don't care, but I don't think it's sinking in.

What traits did you not like about your SO but felt were worth overlooking?

He drinks more than I think I'm comfortable with. He's forgetful about things sometimes. Those things I can stand, because I do like him quite a bit. It's just I can't figure out if I really mean something to him or if he's just stringing me along.

Do you think you'd be happier single?

Well, have been fairly content as a single person for many years now, but I do get lonely.

Thanks again for all the replies.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 09:09 AM

Good answer, Little Hawk!

I'm just out of a nearly 3 year relationship that didn't work, so that's where I'm at too.

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,Kendall
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 02:24 PM

Folks, it is absolutely VITAL after a breakup to spend at least one full year alone. In fact, two is better. If you jump into another relationship too soon, it will fail, you will have learned nothing, and you will be a year older.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 02:39 PM

Sounds like good advice...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,Casual Observer
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 03:01 PM

Guest h, if the love was real, as you say, ways to overcome those obstacles might have been found. As long as there is love, and two people agree that they want to get along, it can be done. But it is work. Even love won't stick around without work. I am sorry that it didn't work out for you.

My SO is older than me; we have been together almost 15 years. I would not want to be single again, but once or twice I have wondered if I wouldn't have been as happy with a different person. However, I've heard the grass only appears to be greener, and isn't necessarily so.

A relationship is hard work, even after 15 years. Once in awhile I might like to be lazy.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 03:27 PM

If you require any advanced lessons in laziness, contact my mother's dog. For a sausage, he will tell you all he knows. For two sausages he will even sell you his soul.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,Casual Observer
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 03:51 PM

My, but he works cheap.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,cookieless Rick
Date: 29 Jan 03 - 03:53 PM

Well...Heather and a girlfriend sidled over to the ball field where my team was playing. We needed one more woman (it was a mixed softball league) to fill out the lineup. She said "Ughhhhhh!" (in Scottish) "I HATE baseball!".

She came down to the pub I was playing at (with her then boyfriend) and I tried to impress her with "Lizzie Lindsay". No dice, I'd have been better off trying Led Zeppelin.

Later she went with me to a demonstration I was playing at. It was in support of striking British Mine Workers. I sang "Solidarity Forever"....she said "Those bastards made us freeze our asses off!"

She was virtually a vegitarian Buddhist (or Bahai ist or something) who worked out all the time.......I was a carnivore who HATED onions, turnips, spinach, broccoli, Brussels sprouts and about a dozen other veggies.

So ya see......we were perfectly suited!

I asked her out to dinner....she proposed a few days later. That was 15 years ago.

I sure wasn't happier being single!

What I HAVE discovered is that politically we've gotten closer together in outlook. I've become more conservative and she's more liberal.

Cheers

Rick F

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 06:06 AM

I was sitting at a table eating my breakfast at an outside caterer's trailer at Warwick Folk Festival last July when...

Actually I just wanted to refresh this thread.

Sal

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 06:18 AM

3 months
a day or so
22 days
personal habits not of the cleanest but average for a man
Quite possibly, certainly better off financially

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: mooman
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 06:33 AM

How long did you date your SO before deciding to become exclusive? Who initiated the exclusivity?

Three dates plus a three month break. It was mutual.

How long did you go without communicating between dates before becoming exclusive?

After a break of about 3 months we went for it. We've just celebrated 25 years together.

What is the age gap between you and your SO?

Negligible. She is 2 and a half months older than me!

What traits did you not like about your SO but felt were worth overlooking?

A little "quick on the draw" temperwise. Utterly disorganized. A bit lacking in confidence. Never stops talking for breath! (I am quite quiet except when on stage, or in meetings or seminars)

Do you think you'd be happier single?

Definitely not!

Best regards,

moo

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Sam L
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 09:51 AM

Guess I'm the only sob to get very particular about so's faults. Let's hear it for me. I'd like to hear more about that stuff.
   I'm not much of a guy's guy, but learned how to fake it, a bit. It annoys me that she seems to get a kick out of me pretending to be a regular guy. I even have to fake being "insensitive" so I don't turn into the sort of sweet thoughtful guy she'd wish she liked, and her mother would like, but she wouldn't like. What is it with that?
   I have to be the car guy, the computer guy, the general tech support, handyman, toy fixer, the parent who says no. I have to tell the kids we flipped a coin to decide who would be the nice parent, and I'm tails, the mean one.
   A friend of mine was talking about how hard it is to manage volunteers at her job, how they smile and pretend to listen, but never change what they do. That's the trouble with relationships--you have to rely on volunteers. If it was a paid position maybe we could set some real standards.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: GUEST,Happily single
Date: 16 Mar 03 - 02:15 PM

I'm with Kendall on this one, not getting involved straight after a major relationship break up. I learnt the hard way but it has been a very valuable lesson and now I am very happily single.

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Mar 03 - 09:10 PM

Well, danged! I'm having to type this from the "couch" since this is one of them matters that one only discusses with a shrinkerator...

Ahhh, heck if I know?

Well, okay, I'm gonna give all you gossipin' Catters the real deal...

Ahhh, like I knew the P-Vine while my late wife, Judy, was dieing of breast cancer. yeah she was teachin' Orff music and working at the coffee shop where I got my mornin' coffee.

Then a few months after Judy died I discovered that the P-Vine was gettijn' seperated from her husband and, well, we both being Christains, kinda hooked up and stayed hooked up thru her divorce and then we got married two years ago in her church where she sings in the choir.

Ahhh, the ol' gal is I reckon somewhere around 3 years older than me and has more quirks than a Chevy Vega, but, hey, I ain't exactly too *normal* my ownself so like what am I to do.

But I love theP-Vine and she loves me and so I reckon everything is purdy cool.

Did I miss any of the questions?

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Questions about you and your SO
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Mar 03 - 10:21 AM

See, Bobert, I reckon that was meant to be. :-)