New PEL. An alternative argument.

Subject: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:04 AM

OK – I really don't understand all this fuss about the new PEL. Everyone knows that taxes are a good thing. They improve services. The higher the tax, the better the service. Why should this not apply to Folk music? What we should be aiming to achieve a quality of folk music so high that people will be glad to pay a premium to go to folk clubs and sessions.

The big problem at the moment is that folk music is too accessible. Quite simply, we undercharge. This allows all the alcoholic mopers, dole scroungers and deadbeats access to folk music. Normal decent people are put off and therefore the clubs are denied access to the better class of audience. In turn this means that pubs and clubs can only book low priced acts giving mediocre performances of self-penned drivel and left wing whinging. A vicious circle of poor quality that can only lead to the demise of English folk music.

What is proposed in the new licensing act is a charge that means clubs will have to levy an economic fee. The higher the better as far as I am concerned. £5 will stop the deadlegs who just want to drink their lives away. £10 will exclude most unwanted poor people, but I propose a minimum of £20. This will ensure that the only people able to attend folk clubs will be good, honest, middle class professionals like me. Once we achieve this we can start to book good quality acts and pay them a proper rate. We will stop the awful open mic and singers nights where we are subjected to an endless stream of cacophonic nonsense and pseudo-celtic claptrap. We will be left with only the best of true English folk music and a culture where us Englishmen can enjoy our heritage in the peace and harmony we deserve. One folk music living and growing in a climate of economic stability.

It is often pointed out that in Scotland and Europe no such charges apply. Well, look at the result. Jocks and Johnny foreigners living off a diet of haggis, garlic, bagpipes and bombardes. Do we really want that to happen on Englands green and pleasant land? No let us stick with our own kind. England for the English. And for English Folk. One country happy in the knowledge that we are the best.

And who is going to provide us with this Utopia? Only one man can achieve such a thing. The messiah of music. The saviour of song. The patron of performing arts, Dr Kim Howells. One man to lead us into the next millennium with a vision scoffed at by lesser mortals.

So, there we have it. A perfect recipe for growth and happiness.

One Folk, One Country, One Leader…

Cheers

Dave the Gnome

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:09 AM

heloo, i think if you make it to expensive toi go to folk clubs, then it is not fare for the poor people like me, dont forget, you hafe to pay for your bear and get there as well, like bus or taxi etc.

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:19 AM

There is always a whining scrounger trying to spoil a good idea.
Bus or taxi? Get on yer bike.
You can hear all but the quietest numbers standing outside.
Beer money? You could always sell something to pay for a bag of crisps. How about selling matches. Then if it got really cold you could strike one.

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:24 AM

This has the makings of a good plan. The rest of us can start ian underground Folk movement. It would be just like the 60s again! We could wear flowers in our hair and bells, maybe, so we could recognise each other (or was that the 70s?), and have our own festivals smoke herbal cigaretes and take all our clothes off and dance naked and make love not war and ...

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:27 AM

Sorry. Had to go and lie down for a minute. I'm all right now.

Steve

Bloody good idea, though, don't you think?!

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:29 AM

'The rest of us can start ian underground Folk movement'

who's ian?

is he the leader of the new movement?

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: nickp
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:59 AM

Perhaps Ian is the name of John's bear - or do pets go free....

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: BanjoRay
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:02 AM

Ther's only one thing wrong with Dave's idea - Kim Howells is Welsh, not English.
Well, maybe a few other things as well....
Cheers
Ray

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: GUEST,Davetnova
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:06 AM

I have never really ventured far into England but if it is true(and only if its true) as some of my compatriots have pointed out in another thread,that it is all fingers in the ear whining that could be improved by moving the fingers to the mouth, then perhaps an underground folk scene would be a good idea. There are several fairly large unused coal mines that could possibly be pressed into service.
;0)

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:18 AM

Kim Howells is Welsh, not English Damn!

Ah well, never mind. Adolph Hitler was Austrian wasn't he?

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:40 AM

Beer Money - Good Grief, we don't expect people to drink beer in our new re-marketed folk scene - perhaps we'll allow some of those yuppie brews, but they must be drunk straight out of the bottle. Vintage Champagne will be the preferred drink. Anyway, do we really want LIVE music - isn't it rather unhygenic ? - let's play just CDs and of course DVDs -we could employ big names as DJs. If we do it that way we shouldn't need PELs.

Oh and definitely no Hull-ites especially poor people like John9 - we might possibly let the Twillingsgate posh set in though.

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:42 AM

Stop this thread at once you lot before you incur the wrath of McGrath

Gerry
I'll get my coat

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Pied Piper
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:46 AM

Nice one Dave.
What about a Welsh Anschluss?
PP

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:47 AM

'the wrath of McGrath'

how is this pronounced?

is it the 'rath of Mc grath' or the 'rar of McGrar'?

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:08 AM

Mr Happy its similar pronouncation to the Mackeson of Mr Farquarharson

Gerry

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: banjomad (inactive)
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:10 AM

When you can't go to a session cos the landlord won't buy a £500.00 licence, you will realise why this isn't such a good idea dave.
Think again, Dave

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Noreen
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:13 AM

Hey, neat plan, Dave! Is this all tied in with your moving upmarket to Irlams o'the Heights?

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:19 AM

MrHappy: pronunciation of the wrath of McGrath how about the standard English pronunciation (remembering that The Americans changed it to 'rath' for a Star Trek movie) The roth of McGroth!

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:21 AM

Banjo-Flower LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:22 AM

Nigel Parsons LOL!! again!

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:32 AM

When you can't go to a session cos the landlord won't buy a £500.00 licence, you will realise why this isn't such a good idea

I'd pay it myself to keep out the riff-raff. Surely everyone who is anyone can afford such a small amount. The rest don't matter;-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:38 AM

I wondered how long it would be before the folk police got here

Gerry

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Pied Piper
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:43 AM

I agree Dave, for too long this music has been in the hands of the dangerous lumpen proletariat, and putting up prices is just what we need to exclude them.
The minister of transport is arranging the cattle trucks as wee speak.
PP

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: banjomad (inactive)
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 07:44 AM

Dave Why are so many rural and town pubs closing down and being converted to private houses ?

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: treewind
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 08:00 AM

It's a scam. You buy a pub cheap, run it into the ground, claim it isn't ecomonically viable and convert it into a private residence.

You can't get planning permission to turn a profitable pub into a residence.

Anahata

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Pied Piper
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 08:04 AM

Hi banjomad.
Dave has his tong most decidedly in his cheek.
We laugh or we'd cry.
PP

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 08:55 AM

Dunno, banjomad. Enlighten me. Is it anything like the reason that inner city pubs are closing as well? Full of yobs drinking alcopops perhaps? Or people leaving the country to get work in the city? Or country folk riding though on horseback in pursuit of the uneateable? Or is it perhaps that the whole economic depression is because people don't sing songs around the piano and dance around maypoles anymore?

Never mind. Whatever it is my plan will get things going again. When we well heeled middle classes take over from the bleeding heart pinko liberals that have ruined the country you will see a return to proper values once more. And don't worry about not hearing any folk music. We will ensure that BBC2 makes plenty of documentaries on quaint customs so the common masses will be able to see them on their precious TV screens while knocking back cans of Carlsberg Special Brew.

Damn, just realised that will not work. The plebian throng will only watch quizes and football. Mmmmmm. Let me work on it...


Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 09:27 AM

Dave,
My cheque is in the post. Could I become a member of your organisation. What a brilliant philosophy. Once we have the poor people on the run the genre will become ours again to do with what we please.

Imagine forbidding open mic sets unless the musician is playing a Martin or Taylor. Set minimum standards of musical instruments (say £1500 min purchase for a stringed instrument and £2000 for a free reed etc. This way we could ban the whining unacompannied singers forever.

This way we would increase the takings in the music shops and keep the nondescript out of our clubs.

Brilliant...

Spot

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: banjomad (inactive)
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 09:45 AM

Dave you sound like a closet ' New Labour ' man to me and I'm the
communist from under your bed.
Incidently my name is also Dave

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 12:55 PM

Definitely not new labour, Dave the mad banjoist! To tell you the truth Tony Benn is my hero of old:-) I'm sure you'll forgive me for having a little fun. After all, they are not taxing that.

Yet...

Anyhow - what are you doing under my bed? Looking to rob me like all those other ne'er do goods I suppose. The sooner my dictatorship is formed the better.

Cheers

:D

Subject: RE: BS: New PEL. An alternative argument.
From: banjomad (inactive)
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:33 PM

Hi Dave, definately agree with you about Tony Benn. He's off to Iraq today to try and find out the truth.
My MP is Old Labour but retiring at the next general election.
Keep up the good threads.
Dave