Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend

Subject: Review: Swintons annual sheep sh'£$ing weekend
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Feb 03 - 03:14 PM

Sheep ShEARing of course...

10 of the Swinton Hardy Intrepid Trecking Society (SHITS) once more made their annual pilgramage across the Pennines to convert the ungodly heathen. Our base this year was the Golden Lion at Horton-in-Ribblesdale. A bunk room was to be had at a very reasonable price and this was attached to the pub which sold a range of good beers and fine food.

Fridays festivities had already begun when I arrived. Sounds of masterful guitar playing and melodic voices rang from the stone flagged front room. This was of course followed by intelectual discussion and a healthy repast before retiring to the well appointed accomodation.

Then the farting began...

And the snoring...

And the Onion bargees and liquorice allsorts...

I believe I awoke at some point in time with a certian member of the legal profession attempting to force a pork pie up my nose. Th eless said the better.

Anyhow. Saturday came soon enough and with enough bacon, sausage, egg, coffee, black pudding, beans, toast, tomatoes, brown sauce, coffee, tea and paracetamol we managed to make our way onto the eastern flanks of Ingleborough.

What a glorious day (Seriously this time!) The sky was the brightest of azure with tinges of purple and orange of the crystal clear horizon. It was so clear you felt you could reach out and touch both Ingleborough and Pen-y-gent. The whole day was filled with delights. A terrier pretending to limp so it could cadge food. A kingfisher speeding under Helwith Bridge. A spetacular sunset. An hours trek under the light of the full moon to reach our base. 14 miles and 7 hours of sheer enjoyment.

Followed by more carousing, carroling and jollities in the bar. What more could a soul hope for.

Except an extra two hours sleep whan I got back on Sunday;-)

Cheers

Dave the Gnome

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep sh'£$ing weekend
From: Gareth
Date: 18 Feb 03 - 03:19 PM

Sonds like the old story of the rambler crossing the Yorkshire Moors, he sees an old man holding a sheep. "Ah Shearing are you ?" - "No, go and catch yer own"

Gareth

" Oh, hand me down me welly boots,
welly boots, welly boots,
Oh, hand me down me welly boots,
I've just caught one"

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 11:36 AM

Funnily enough we had a change from Yorkshire and were in Wales this time last year, Gareth. Didn't like to mention the sheep that time though;-)

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 11:42 AM

I would ask your landlord to change the beer .It is making you have very strange dreams.No one in Swinton can play a guitar masterfully nor sing melodically.

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Gareth
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 11:47 AM

Bloody English, they come over here and force us to sell our cottages to them, take over our schools and PTA's and insist that we speak a langauge that all children can understand !

And know thier seducing our sheep !!!!!

I ask you i this fair ??

Gareth

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 12:13 PM

Masterful can also mean loud and with attitude. Trust me there was some pretty masterful playing. As for melody , all the notes were there and some were even in the right order , thats melodic enough for yorkists.

The discovery of cheese scone with liquorice allsort filling was the high point of my weekend.

Spot.

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 12:21 PM

Look, I'm really sorry I have to ask about this here, but it's not a topic I'm gonna bring up in general conversation..... I'm a city person, raised in Montreal....perhaps have been on farms once or twice in my life.....but I've heard all the jokes and the inuendos......so please.....tell me....

Do you rural folks REALLY have intimate relations with barnyard animals? I promise you, I'm not making value judgements (especially after watching four hours of Michael Jackson) I just want to know if this has always been a joke at the expense of city people.....or do you really DO it?

Cheers (but nervous cheers)

Rick

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 12:27 PM

Only with the really attractive ones Rick...what kind of people do you think we are.

Spot

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 12:48 PM

I shall abstain from further participation on THAT topic for fear of recriminations but as one of our party said upon seeing a flock of sheep around a watering hole.

"Oh look, a brothel with a jacuzzi..."

Were you listening, Noddy, or do you just know us well;-)

Cheers

DtH

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Gareth
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 01:37 PM

Rick - A gentleman never brings the name of a lady, oops, ewe, into disrepute.

But remember - "Wales, where men are men, and sheep are frightened."

Gareth

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: IWTSHL
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 03:02 PM

My voice is horse through singing,fingers sore from playing
my feet are sore from walking, my head hurts from drinking
but can anyone explain why my bum hurts ?

great weekend..

IWTSHL

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: DougR
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 03:32 PM

Rick: you ACTUALLY watched four hours of Michael Jackson? Too bad the boys are so tight lipped when replying to your inquiry. We will probably never know now.

DougR

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Gareth
Date: 19 Feb 03 - 07:53 PM

All right, which BARSTEWARD send me a 'spam' of a live actual, ahem !, intercourse between man and sheep and girl and horse ??

Its taken me hours to eliminate the pictures and the porno dialler from the hard disk, and I only watched it for 45 minutes

If you want the ULR please PM me

Gareth

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: John J
Date: 20 Feb 03 - 04:07 AM

It sounds brilliant Dave! when are you going next?

John

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 20 Feb 03 - 04:50 AM

Is that the one where you're wearing a silly mask in the hopes that we won't recognise you Gareth ?

IWTSHL - well the ram would obviously be put out that your mob had nicked all his sheep - you just happened to pass out at the wrong (or right for the ram) time.

Subject: RE: Review: Swintons annual sheep shearing weekend
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 20 Feb 03 - 03:14 PM

One of the comments above reminded me of a series of graffiti in the Duke of York, Eccles, when they held a folk club. It started off

"Nick f***s sheep" (Ever find out who it was Nick?)

Following week was added

"Well, I'm Nick and I only f*** good looking sheep"

Followed by

"I'm a sheep and I only f*** good looking Nicks!"

The one that capped it all before the Landlord repainted was

"I'm a Shepherd and while I have been reading this someone has nicked all my f***ing sheep..."

I have always blamed Ted Edwards:-)

Cheers

DtG